MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

[TicTok]

Hi Michelle I have been wondering how you are getting on ? I hope all is ok with you . I am ok feeling a bit tired at the moment don’t know if it’s the weather or not , just off for my heart scan xx

[delly]

Hi Lovelies

@CT2021 - Eeeee, congratulations from me too, on getting through all that "Zapping"!!! 🤗  Your poor bod, hey Hope your skin calms and settles down soon, sweetheart.

How are your teeth? Or rather the holes where they were removed from?? Golly, girl, now you're having to gird yourself up for the next stage, as well

Hope everyone else is doing well??? Especially you, @Purpledaze. Hope you're coping okay, and having plenty of support.

Am watching Queenie's celebrations. She looks so much better tonight, quite lovely, plus relaxed and enjoying herself. Have to cut it short to catch the film "Ordinary Love" at 10 on BBC2, about a woman (Lesley Manville) diagnosed with BC, and how she and her husband (Liam Neeson) deal with her diag.

Lots of love to EVERY one,  Doolally-Delly  xX❤️Xx    

[Michelle21]

Hi @CT2021  sorry I didn’t get back to you before, I seem to spend my days getting the essentials done and then resting, with a few runs in between. I used Locobase for my skin during Cape. I ordered it online. I’ve been lucky and haven’t had bad skin but have still caked my skin in this every week. I also think drinking plenty of water makes a big difference. 
congratulations on finishing rads, I hope the cape isn’t too bad for you. I’ve found it fine until the last few weeks when tiredness has really taken over. I take my last tablets on Wednesday, 🥳 x

[Shi]

Dr organics aloe Vera gel with tea tree worked well do always keep whatever cream in your bag and keep slapping it on and when your finished rads too sbout 6 weeks for skin to settle down. Keep drinking loads of water too ❤️💕💕✨✨Shi xx

[Sammy73]

Hi @CT2021 

I used a no water based moisturiser they gave it to me from the chemo suite. My nails where so dry and peeled and this was suppose to help but I used it and still do on my radiotherapy areas. 

Just keep using it and drink loads of water. 

They gave me dressings for wounds too at the radiotherapy unit that were moisturiser based I got very sore and itchy, quite disturbing. I lay in the bath for hours it helped calm it all down. Not too hot!! 

Good luck lovely. X

[CT2021]

Hi all!

Hope you are all ok!?

Not got much to say as not done much … finished radio and celebrated by going straight to the dentist to have two wisdom teeth out 🤣

my skin is really red and sore - @Michelle21 @amy46  did you say you recommended a good cream?

xx

[Michelle21]

😂😂 @gardengirl200 you’ll be pleased to know I’ve received your message with your number! X

[gardengirl200]

Please ignore my last message - I’ve worked it out! 🤪

[gardengirl200]

Hi Michelle, I’d love to be added to the group chat you are setting up but ( and I feel such an idiot) I can’t work out how to DM you on this forum??? Can you give me basic instructions please! 
thank you! 
fleur 

[delly]

@CT2021  -  Good Morning, Sweetpea.  GOLLY, on the Rads everyday for 3 weeks!! That's some commitment isn't it. Let alone its effects. I hope the hospital's close'ish by to you.  Keep us up with how you're doing with them.

Steroids - Brilliant for their anti-inflammatory purposes, but Yeh, unfortunately renowned for adding weight. Why were you on them?? Were you having major problems with your joints or something??

You got any nice plans for the Easter period, @CT2021 ?? ❤️

What's everyone else doing for Easter?? 

Lots of LOVE to you ALL, Delly xX❤️❤️❤️Xx 

[CT2021]

Hi @delly it’s every day (not bank hols) for 3 weeks.

Re the drink didn’t think I’d be judged 🤣🤣 I’m frustrated with myself as the steroids weren’t kind to me and I didn’t have a problem eating with the chemo (no sickness which was good) so put weight on rather than lost it. Need to get my ass in gear to do more exercise and eat better now .. I mean I do have a big incentive with health obvs! Just so tired all the time. Woe is me!! X

[delly]

@CT2021  -  I meant to ask you, How many radiotherapy treatments do you have to have, and how often will you be having them??  X❤️X

[delly]

@CT2021  - YEY girl, at getting that first one under your belt today 🤗 WELL DONE YOU. I'm not surprised you felt emotional. I'm glad to hear you had a good time in London though ❤️ Hey, I'm not gonna judge you on enjoying a few bevvies! I certainly don't think anyone else on here is either 😆  Lotsa love  Delly  X❤️X

[CT2021]

Hi lovely ladies

so sorry to hear about your dog Michelle - apart from anything else must have been such a shock.

im ok … hands full with school hols trying to keep a 7 and 10 year old entertained and away from screens (would spend 24/7 on them if they could) and also refereeing ridiculous arguments between the 2 of them!!

Had my first radiotherapy today - went fine, bit weird and felt a bit emosh as didn’t know what to expect but fine. My sister has ordered me loads of aloe Vera so being slathering that on.

Been away to London for a few days to see family and that was nice. Drunk a bit too much alcohol and now determined to eat better and drink less (don’t get me wrong don’t drink loads and loads 🤣🤣) but also want to live a bit as feel like I have done nothing for the last few months.

Love to all xx

[delly]

Awwww, @Michelle21  -  I'm soooo very sorry you've lost your beloved dog, pet, good friend ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Golly, very suddenly too, but hope that it's of "some" comfort that it was, and that she hopefully hadn't suffered. I can relate to your "some days she was only reason to get up". Such a comfort and solace when you're going through tough times.

Have you had any recent "outings" in Duchess? Christened her properly yet??

@TicTok  - Ha Ha, change sides?? Mmm, took me until mid 30's to finally fully realise my preferred "side". Then another 8 to feel able to be comfortably "open" about it. I'd had plenty of boyfriends and close to marriage twice. Think if I'd been born 30 yrs later, with all the freedom and acceptance of the last 20yrs, it would have happened a lot sooner. I'd have loved a couple of kids though.

Hope everyone else is doing okay, are yer?? And I hope your planned get-together comes together and happens. 

Loads of Love to ALL of you'hoos,  Dellypoos  xX❤️Xx  

[Michelle21]

Thanks @TicTok  for your kind words I really appreciate it. 

If you PM me with your mobile number I can start doing a group chat for us all to stay in touch xx

[TicTok]

Michelle I am so sorry to here that you lost your little dog 😢it sure rips you 2 bits … we still speak to ours his ashes are in a herdwick sheep cushion on our bed and it’s also good for a cuddle I know what you are going through .

you are right it is very quiet on here but I hope that’s a good sign we are getting our life back little by little . I don’t think I will get to meet but gladly keep in touch.

Delly hark at you leading the nice gentleman on 😁you never know you might change sides 🤔

so sorry you have been struggling with the loss of your brother sending you loads of love and hugs ❤️…"…

enjoy your hot date and take care …..

[Michelle21]

I can’t believe all this talk of dogs. We lost my beautiful girl Maisie last week. It’s so hard because some days she was my only reason to get up. She has helped me in so many ways over these last few years. We miss her so much. You receive unconditional love from a dog and that leaves a massive hole in the heart. We lost her very suddenly, no illness, we just came down in the morning and there was blood on the floor and by the end of the day we had to say our goodbyes. It was a tumour that had spread. 
Glad to hear your bite is healing well @delly 

Sorry to hear you are struggling with work @TicTok although it is no surprise we have all been through so much. 

Everyone is very quiet here at the moment. I can only assume it’s because life is getting busier which is a good thing. Thanks to those who have pm’d me their number sorry I haven’t done anything yet but will. Let me know your tel no’s and we can set up a meet or even if you don’t want to meet up it would be a nice & easy way to stay in touch. 
Michelle x

[delly]

@TicTok  - Sorry darlin. I meant to say, in my last message, about you losing your beloved Black Lab. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I don't know if I've already said this on here, so if I HAVE, then pleease forgive me repeating it. After I found my first boob lump in the shower, I some time later, recalled my neighbour's lovely Black Lab repeatedly "nuzzzling" into my armpit, the week previously, while I was hoovering out my car!! Not like him at all. And, Yes, it was the same side as my tumour!

Sensitive and Canny creatures, especially Labs, hey?  X❤️🐶❤️X 

[delly]

Hey @TicTok  - Thank You lovey. Awwww, you're such an AB-FAB Sweetie for your sympathy. Me and leg are doing great though, thank you 😊 I'm still hobbling a bit, but walked(?) into town today, ONLY to replenish my bird food supplies, NOT anything for ME! I got chatting to a very, VERY lovely elderly gentleman (about 10 yrs older than me, but very handsome and "fit"). Got asked out by him for a "date". Whoohoo!! YES, I felt very, VERY Flattered. Interested to? Only on a "friendship" basis, as I'm a Lesbo!!😊 I didn't tell him that. Gave my gyppy leg as a reason to not be able to make any arrangement, at the mo'! But, phewee, flip, WERE I Hetero, I'd have "jumped" at it! I'm likely to see him again, amongst the bird food isles, no doubt. 

It ALL made an otherwise simple bird food shopping afternoon (!!), into a rather more interesting and flattering one.

I'm struggling with grief, at the mo'. I didn't realise it, until a recent little quiff with a fellow Forum member highlighted it. Interesting how these things happen. So I've spent this evening strongly connecting to my brother (killed himself) through his and my shared music loves. Shed a few tears, but feel soo much better from it. All VERY Cathartic 🤗

Lots of love to you TicTok, and to EVERYone else,  Dellywelly  xX❤️Xx

[TicTok]

Delly ….. flipping heck you have gone through it these last few weeks 😟….. glad your dog bites have healed bet you don’t go near dogs now … but we are the same with with dogs lost ours about 8 years ago now beautiful black lab , but Kai has taken over now . Just going to feed our feathered friends before going to watch Leicester play this afternoon…… take care xx

[delly]

@TicTok  - Hey flower. I LOVE the PRIDE that ooozes out of you, when speaking of your Kai 😙 I'm sooo GLAD your hubby's "episode" wasn't put down to anything more serious. I "used" to have bad migraines, so I can understand on the "AURA" bit.

Golly, Girl, that sounds sooo blummin tough for you on the work front. - jeez. Well, if you can do, then cutting down may be a GOOD option, hey? But. . .Maybe you could build UP again gradually, perhaps?

I'm okay thank you for asking. I'm only saying "okay", as all my dog bites healed up GREAT, thanks greatly to me using Tea Tree Oil on my wounds when redressing. But. . . I then had a nasty fall a week ago. Badly bruised my buttock bone (don't have much fat on my a**e these days). Have been hobbling around like a 106yr old, with a pole as support!!! (I'm only a young 63!) However, it's  s l o w l y getting better. A flippin nuisance. I was carrying two bags of shopping at the time too. Most of which was BIRDFOOD!!! Told my feathered friends, when I hobbled out to refill their feeding stations "I hope you KNOW what lengths I've been to, just to give you your breakfast"!! 😆

I luckily didn't ever have to have Chemo, TicTok, but I/m so aware of how badly it can affect you, body and mind wise. I sooo hope you can find a happier medium workwise, which, as I said, you may be able to progress from again. Or gracefully, perhaps very frustratingly, have to accept??

Loadsa lurrrrrv to you, sweetheart, and EVERYone else on here too, Doollally  xX❤️Xx   

[TicTok]

Delly …. Hi hope you are ok ? My little man is doing good 😁won player of the week again last week …they say husbands can was a migraine Ora which has very similar symptoms to a stroke and thanks for asking xx

Hi to all you other lovely ladies where did that week go ….. feeling very stupid at work had a melt down on Friday I spend most of my day saying sorry as I can’t bloody remember passwords to every thing 😱told them I need to pack it in as I am bloody useless but they were very help full and helped me but I think I am going to cut my hours down , feel better in my self but useless head wise .

hope everyone’s doing ok and started to move forward ….. love to all xx

[delly]

Hey @Michelle21    - You're looking GOOD in your pic, girl. And you're wearing that same beautiful smile you had when delivering the lamb 😀 Well done you on your Cardiff run.

@gardengirl200   - Have a lovely weekend with your daughter. What's "AH exam"? Art History? I'm a bit of an arty farty, so am wishing I were with you to revisit any of the London galleries. But we have quite a few up here, both Manchester and Liverpool. I took Art and History of Art at school. Was my teacher who ignited and fueled my passion for art, architecture, and furniture. Esp Nouveau and Deco periods, but also Bauhaus.

I love that - "We never know how STRONG we are, until BEING strong is our only CHOICE"!

@Sammy73  - That's great news on your property purchase progress. Patience, hey!!! I so hope you can get some help with your hormone difficulties!  Hope Silvers study helps you and others too.

 @TicTok  - I'm really pleased your hubby's scans were clear. Any other explanation offered for what happened? Is your Kai's leg all right now? Any news on a holiday yet??

 @amy46  - Thanks for the info/explanation ref Integrative Therapies. So sounds the same as "Holistic" medicine/therapies then? Glad to hear all was clear from your ultrasound, lovey. Where are you off to on your hols? Skiing?? I'm still a little behind on posts.    

I can so understand your wobble, even when it was over someone else, as you're very early stages and still rather "raw" from it all yet. Yes, that's a good way to put it, "more in my "peripheral" vision than "centre stage"". It WILL start migrating further to the back of your mind, I promise.

Well, I actually made it to my darlin Uncle Gordy's funeral down in Hereford last Friday! I don't always know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next with Bi-Polar, when in a downer period. Or how long they're going to last. So I've had to learn sometimes it's better to just NOT make plans during such times. That way I don't let anyone down. However, I had a good day on the Thursday. Not having any commitments, I can be spontaneous. Friday morn, I still felt better and able to go. Car wouldn't start! So I caught a train down. A fast, relaxing and enjoyable journey, just under 2hrs. And actually spent it chatting with people, rather than them have their noses in their phones. Lovely church and crematory services, both did him great justice. Even one of his and my favourite pieces of music was played for some personal contemplation - "The Lark Ascending" by Ralph Vaughan Williams - beautiful. Warm sunny day to sit outside for the wake, with Bucks Fizz (very nice too, Gordy 😘) He was 90, so was mostly us family, as very few of his friends left or well/fit enough to make it.

However, my journey back was NOT such a pleasurable and easy experience 😢 Went to the station to catch my train back around 6pm. There was a young guy with a dog on a lead. I said hello and could I say hello to his dog. Bent down to stroke it. Next thing I knew, it was savagely chewing my hand!!! Painful, bleeding. But had to act quickly because of both my arms being immuno suppressed/compromised, and things can happen fast ref infection. I'd experienced it before with a single dog bite. Within 30-40 mins I had what's called "tracking" up my arm - an early phase/sign before septicaemia. Serious in other words! This one was 4 punctures. Had to quickly jump in a taxi to go straight to A&E for immed antibiotic cover, and have it cleaned and dressed. Delays just "checking in" because of flippin technology - computer "down"!

Anyway, got it sorted and went back to station, now 8.00pm. Direct fast train cancelled, so was rerouted via a very  s  l  o  w  train to Chester, then was to go to Stockport. But on arriving at Chester, my next train was also cancelled!!! Now 10.30. Cold, very painful hand, so totally ****ed off and tired. Was taxied, courtesy of British Rail to final destination station on ticket, Wilmslow, but still a 20 mins journey from home. Station Manager refused to allow the taxi to slightly detour to take me straight home, even with painful hand! No taxi's waiting at that station so very cold 15 min walk, then further to search to find a waiting free taxi, as phone dead to call my usual local firm to come pick me up (please 😓)

Finally got home just after 1.00am. feeling absolutely shattered. So that was 5hrs to get back!!   Peeled my clothes off and zonked 😴  Slept through ALL of Saturday, apart from a couple of loo visits, water and taking AntiB tabs, but straight back to sleep. Slept through all Sunday morning too. Think a combi of shock, chill, Tetanus jab, antibiotics, and a frustratingly looong, tiring, sh***y journey.

Felt decidedly "off"/unwell until Wednesday, then started picking up a bit.  Am fine now though in my general self. Wounds have healed well and quickly. Hands still rather bruised and tender. Was using Betadine Ointment to initially treat the wounds when redressing, then onto Tea Tree Oil. I used to work with Aromatherapy oils years ago, and it's one of the best natural antiseptics, antivirals, antifungals you can use for a multitude of things. I always keep a small bottle of it in my toilet bag. 

The annoying thing was, when I went to catch my train back, the same lady was on the ticket barrier as when I'd "arrived" earlier. Asked me about my hand, told her it was savaged by a dog outside the station. She described the dog to me, and said it had happened to someone else! The owner often comes to meet his g'friend off the train. Well if it had happened before, WHY didn't he warn me not to stroke it, that it was a bit nervy and unfriendly at times. OR keep it MUZZLED!!!

Holidays! - I want one, Mummy!  I feel like working towards somewhere interesting with animules (spelling meant) and/or marine life, but NOT dogs 😖 I've fancied Borneo for a while, to go see Orangutans. Costa Rica was featured in the Mail paper last week, that looks great, variety of beautiful scenery, and lots of interesting critters. I'm not particularly interested in beach hols any more. Though wouldn't pass off a few days out of a fortnight, with a bit of snorkelling. I may even look into volunteer work at one of the animal sanctuaries in Africa, or I've looked at a whale research boat you can join for a couple of weeks (as long as it isn't as shark food!! Have had enough being nibbled! 😆). I'd be in my element, just have to wear armour cladding on my arms, or take antiB cover with me.

I've just ordered a couple of Saga brochures, for if I don't want to organise one independently. One for Med hols, the other for World travel, which includes one for Borneo and my ape friends. See what they have to offer. I heard loads of good reports on their hols, especially for single travellers.

So sorry for the long post, Lovelies. Hope I haven't left anyone out. My apologies if so.   Lots of Love to you All,  DellyDogMeat < Ha blummin Haa 😆 xxXX❤️XXxx

Ps. @Love running - Had a similar problem with post, but now, if it's turning out to be a looong one, I'm pasting to Word to carry on before it disappears, then pasting back to my reply post X 

[delly]

Hi Girly-Whirleys

Cooo, I've just had a catch up read through from my last daft one ( 🤔! ).  WOW!  What an amazing, AB-FAB bunch of women you ALL ARE ! ! ! 👏⛷🏂💪  and>>👆<< me giving a personal middle finger sign of "Up Yours" to Cancer, NOT to yourselves!!!

Firstly though, for any music lovers, have a listen to "SUN ON YOU" - Craig Armstrong. See what you think?  They're very relaxing, rich sounding instrumental pieces, verging on classical. He writes a lot of music for films - Love Actually (Glasgow Love theme very beautiful), Romeo & Juliet etc., etc.

@CT2021  - I am Soooo pleased to hear your results. 10cm (no wonder you were worried!) down to 2mm!! WHAT?!!! And 2 out of 3 nodes NONE, and the other with a little TINY bit! All sounds fffflippin fantastic to me.

@Love running  - For goodness sake woman, will you pleeease be careful with that knee!!! Don't go being TOO impatient and itchy to get back to running TOO soon 🙄 Yes, I'm giving you "stick"😖 and if you don't behave, I'll come and steal your new running shoes!!! 🤗  At least give it another 2 weeks. Last thing you want is to make it even worse, HEY?? Are you wearing any form of "support" on it, elastic knee stocking? But DO keep pumping them there thighs in the meantime, girl. Where's that PHOTO you took from the window of an underwear store you said you'd post?? I'm also a lover of your "Michel Colombier". another film music composer. Have an old cd (2002) called "Dreams", a French print cd sleeve version too, so can't understand it, I'm afraid! Have it on as I type.  I only play 5 tracks on it. Have a listen to Tracks - 2, 5, 9, 17, 19. 

@Purpledaze  - So good to see and hear from you, sweetheart. I love the mug. What a lovely little thoughtful gift from your good buddy. I've been joining you in a glass (or three!) of red tonight myself. Hope you can keep your heart STRONG with the good happy memories, that make you smile, chuckle and no doubt cry, probably sometimes all at the same time. I'm a "Let it out, have a good sob" woman. Never used to be, until.......  It does you good to, I say. Even better if on a family's or good friends shoulder, or with their loving arms round you. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️   

[Michelle21]

Hello all sorry it’s been a while, I don’t know where the time goes! 
@amy46

good to hear your running is progressing well. I find running makes me feel so physically strong, as if nothing can stop me! Even though I am just plodding around! 😂 It is interesting  the attitudes in different countries to anything outside of conventional medicine. I haven’t gone forward with the nutritionist you recommended but I haven’t discounted it. Like you said it’s something that needs thinking  through. I am also considering doing the Zoe test when it comes to this country. It’s based on gut health which I don’t know too much about because the research seems to have started fairly recently but that have interesting results. It’s not necessarily cancer related although that is being researched and in some ways it’s similar to your nutritionist in that it looks at every person metabolising process individually. I’m on the waiting list.

@CT2021  i am glad you have had good results. I am taking capecitabine at the moment I assume that is what you will have after rads. I haven’t found it has affected me too much, mostly tiredness. My hands and feet haven’t been too dry although I use a very good cream called locobase. I bought it online as recommended by @Love running .

@TikTok I’m not surprised you are finding work tiring we have had a lot going on in our bodies the last 12 months and I think you are still on herceptin which probably affects you too. How is Kai getting on with his football? Still bringing you joy im sure. 
@Love running  thanks for the camp site recommendation, we can’t wait for the trip and it will be great to meet up for lunch when you are free.
Great news your first year mammo is all clear, long may it continue for all of us! Also good news that your knee is repairing and running can resume. It sounds like you are getting a bit of normality back into life which is what we all need now. We have to try and put the last 12 months behind us and live every moment to the fullest. 

Well remembered Barbara yes it was the Cardiff half on Sunday and I did complete it! I was even a minute or two faster than I thought but mostly for me it was about being there and I absolutely loved it! My family supported and managed to get to 4 different areas to cheer me on. Quite an achievement with all of the road closures! The sun showed up for us which was a blessing at the start but a curse towards the end when it was so warm! The course is fantastic starting outside Cardiff Castle, past the stadium down to the barrage where you can look across the Bristol Channel to Devon. You then fun through Cardiff bay eventually arriving to do a loop or Roath lake before heading back past the university and museum buildings to the finish line. I made it to mile 9 before  I thought ‘I can’t do this’ but after a mini breakdown I got back into the zone and continued through the pain barrier to crossed the line.  

My running buddy Claire and me post race! Exhausted but exhilarated! 

Re our meet up.  I agree with Amy that we need another way of organising our get together. I think WhatsApp is probably our best option. How does everyone else feel about this? I am happy to set up a group for us, I think it will be an easier way to communicate. If everyone is happy with that then PM me your telephone number and I will set up a group. 
Have a good day everyone. 

 

[CT2021]

Hi ladies

hope all ok? @gardengirl200 l agree with you about all the uncertainties about cancer in general why some people get it, others don’t etc. I’ve got too much time on my hands for one thing so keep thinking about things and chewing it over in my head. But I think I have to accept that like a lot of things in life you don’t ever find out the full story. If I had had surgery first then I would definitely know the amount of invasive cancer v DCIS but by having chemo first then it has enabled me to see the chemo did a good job. You literally cannot have everything though boy do we deserve everything. It’s just 💩  but I know it will get easier. @amy46 I finished chemo on 19 Jan and start radio mid April, had the planning session today. 
I need a new passport so I am going to get my husband to take a pic tomorrow now I have more hair and importantly eyebrows and lashes! We need to get living again. The only thing is when I start the chemo tablets not sure how it will with getting travel insurance but will cross that bridge when we get to it.

lots of love xxxx

[gardengirl200]

@Love running your messages are awesome! You manage to pick up all the individual threads in a meaningful way, quite apart from writing in a foreign language. So glad your knee is on the mend, so glad to hear you are back running and all your positivity about being back to work/ restaurants/concerts. You really are a tonic. 

I do find the difference of approach of Sweden/ Uk interesting. In Scotland our first minister has been v cautious but we now have the highest rates of Covid in the uk. Was this because we didn’t build herd immunity earlier? I guess studies will be done in time. 

How many squats are you doing? I need to do this challenge. My clothes are feeling tight. Could it be the tartiflette?

The euro concert sounds fun. I am going to Abba revival in June in London. Is Abba like The Beatles for your kids?

Have a fab holiday in the south of France.  You so totally deserve it!! Hope the local dinosaur is on his best behaviour.

@amy46 Have a fabulous, fabulous holiday!! I think skiing is a great holiday post cancer as it requires you to live in the present during the day ( which run, which place to turn, which cafe ) and by the end of the day you are too Knackered to think about anything at all! 

Sorry to hear you’ve been ambushed by  a wobble. Hope you are now climbing out of it and sounds like the holiday is good timing. Enjoy the vin chaud. I’m well jel!  

Currently on the train to London. It left Stirling ( where I live) at 5.26 so it’s still dark. I’m with my daughter for a wee break. Catching up with my oldest Uni friend tonight, To Kill a Mockingbird play tomorrow and Hamilton musical on Wed. Want to go to Tate Modern and V&A too - never been. My daughter has just been accepted to Art School so I’m hoping she will enjoy those. This is my 4th holiday in as many months. My work colleagues beginning to comment.  

Amy please do not feel guilty!!! We are going through such a tough time that we do need to be kind to ourselves. That will make us mentally stronger and, as Mums, we need to be strong. But your MIL made me smile and realise that this is a slight bonus of being single!! I am no longer judged!! 

@purpledaze - I hope you are doing ok. We never know how strong we are until being strong is our only choice - I heard someone say this on the news thus week but it’s not as easy as that is it. I’m sure at times you will not feel strong but you will be probably stronger than those around you who have had far less to cope with.  My dad died 3 months after my husband and I split and my BC diagnosis came 2 years later. I felt a bit like the old lady who had swallowed a fly. Like each new thing was a distraction to what had gone before, but there is of course a cumulative effect. I hope you are accepting all offers of kindness. Now is when you find out who your true  friends are; who the really good people are around you. I made a couple of stronger friendships in the last couple of years. People that stepped up. Boy do I value them now!! 

michelle, I hope ur half marathon went well! What an achievement!! 

Im going to post this now. I know I’ve not responded to every thread but my brain is a bit addled especially at 6.26am with so little sleep! 

I would love to meet up in May with you girls in London.  I’ve got to be around for my daughters AH exam ( 12th May) but otherwise I am pretty clear. Well other than work. 🙄

love to all xxx 

[amy46]

Ct2021 I think I missed you off I am sorry. How are you doing? I think garden girl is right, time does make a difference and not being at the hospital so often also helps. I never thought I would get to the point where I could not think about breast cancer for even five minutes never mind an hour or more but some days I have this now. It’s not that it’s gone away exactly more just in my peripheral vision sometimes rather than centre stage.  
@Love running I think we might need to find an alternative platform to organise our get together. I would definitely like to do it run or not xxx

[Love running]

Good morning,

DISCLAIMER: I just had written a long post and again it crashed before posting... Fortunately I recovered part of the message. Why does it keep happening😡

Isn't amazing how time goes fast again when you get some normality back? This is how I feel since I returned to work and I got my first year control telling me I am in the clear. 

I have been busy with work and the kids but I have also been super social. It feels good I have to say. I am happy to be back at work although I can see that I am much slower than before and I get very tired in the evenings. 

In Sweden, it feels that the pandemic is over. No more restriction and people are resuming their social life as before. People are hugging again. Wonder if it is the same in France with kissing. I guess human being are a very resilient species that adapts quickly and some case return to bad habits. There is no testing anymore so we don't know if the COVID-19 infections are increasing like everywhere else in Europe. But so far no increase in the hospitals and in the ICU. Is it because there has never been a lockdown here and a high level of vaccination, that there is some kind of herd immunity? the future will tell us but I am hopeful as warmer days are approaching and we can be outside more.

I am enjoying that it is not only me coming back to normal but the whole society. I feel less alone and more anonymous. I am not only that cancer girl that went off the grid for a year or so... I am not sure if it makes sense but I am really enjoying it at the moment. I have had a wonderful dinner out in a new Japanese restaurant last week with few colleagues. It was packed and it felt like 'back to the future' movie, going 2 years back. I even went with my girls to the final of the Swedish selection for the Eurovision. Not really my thing but my kids being Swedish, it is in their blood. We followed the Tv show for 6 weeks every Saturday. So going to the final live was the ultimate gift. We were 5 mums with their kids.... The kids adored it but there were 27 000 other people in the arena (no face mask - in mask we swedes do not believe🤔). My thought was what was I thinking (or not thinking). Somehow we did not get covid-19, may be we just got some kind of booster dose by mixing with so many people.

It seems that I am not the only one going with the flow and resuming to more normal activities, enjoying the moment and looking into the future as good as we can. All at our own pace. Even if the dark moments are lurching upon us waiting for a weak moment. 

I love reading your good news, the good talk with the doctors, the good scans, the trip to France skiing in France, eating tartiflette, drinking crémant, the recovery from Covid-19, the hair growing back etc

@amy46 Good work with your running. It must feel great to see the progress. I have started running again this week after 4 weeks rest. It is hard, my body aches. My knee is not fully healed I think. hard to say if the aches are from an injury or the medication. I am taking tamoxifen and it does affect all my joints. I feel 100 years old when I get up in the mornings.

The mental pleasure is there each run and I hope soon the endorhpins will kick in again Today I did intervals (not my favourite) but I tried my new pair of race shoes. I treated myself a little expensive gift after the past year. My god, these shoes made my fly. 

It is very interesting what you write about integrative medicine and I hope you will find the right timing for you to make the transition. I found that here in Sweden, it is a little more open and the oncologists very often guide you towards using meditation, mindfulness, acupuncture, diet, and training during treatment. It is not necessarily part of the 'regular' treatment but there are a lot of opportunities here. You need to seek the info though. I have to say in the UK, I have use the look good and feel good online free courses few times (chair yoga, meditation) and I can recommend them. 

And@amy46 I know you feel that you are still struggling sometimes, but you have gone such a long way. Look at all you have already achieved. you are on your way up

@gardengirl200 It will be my turn to go to France next week. I am going to our flat south of France, I have booked handymen to go by to make offers on renovation. I am so totally outside my confort zone. It is scary. I will go a week ahead of time from my family. They will come for Easter. I hope we will have nice weather. I am looking forward to having this holiday. 

@Michelle21 

Good luck today for the Cardiff half marathon. It is today. I know you will have a great time regardless of the time, the distance. Enjoy it to the fullest. I am glad I did not join you in this venture because I would not be able to run 21 km today. I am starting from scratch after my knee injury and i hope I can make the strength back until 23 rd of April when I plan to run my half marathon. 

I have written your dates for your passage in Sweden and Stockholm. I will be up north for midsummer - but should be back in town around the 26th of June, before making my way to the south with my girls. I am planning a long road trip taking us to my mum and then south of France. Although with the price of the gasoline, I might reconsider driving...

But check this place, långholmen husbilscamping: https://www.husbilstockholm.se/en/

This is a camp site in the middle of Stockholm by the water where you can park your camper. You might need to book early as it is not big and gets quite popular. The location is fantastic. if you have bikes with your camper, Stockholm is perfect to discover by bike. 

@TicTok I thought about you and Kai today as I was training on a stadium sharing the space with the youngsters playing football. 

@CT2021 I get you about the size. Joke apart size does matter for us and so does the type and the numbers of tumours. I was shocked to have 3 tumours of which the biggest was 3 cm not specially fast growing and it was not seen a year before at my routine screening mammogram. Freak out when after surgery i have been told there was a third one very small hidden behind the bigger 2 initial ones and that I would need a second surgery to get clean margins. I am glad that you have been responding well to chemo.

@Purpledaze I love how you are thinking about your husband and what would make him happy. You must miss him a lot and I hope that thinking about him also gives you some peace. The 'no guilt' and the 'no no day' I definitely need to embrace. 

@delly I am thinking about you when pumping those crapy knees😂. i took on a challenge, squats increasing every day... I am hoping for a bum of steel and tight of iron. I need to share a picture i took this week-end in the window of an underwear store. It is the motivation behind the squats.

@Sammy73 La patience est la mère de toutes les vertus. Tout vient à point à qui sait attendre... two French proverbes for you while waiting. how is your French? I admire you for daring to jump into buying something in France. I find myself doubting every time I try to call a handyman south of France...

I have not looked at flight tickets yet for London beginning of May. I need to do that soon... I am just putting this out there...we do not need to run, we could also just meet around a lovely diner and drinks.

Love you ladies, have a nice Sunday

[amy46]

Hi everyone,

@Purpledaze  anniversaries are hard. I don’t really have the words to make you feel any better but I hope the good wine took the edge off it for you. Did you drink it from your new mug?! I am also learning to say no and trying not to feel guilty about it. Put my MIL off coming yesterday as I wasn’t in a position to put my happy face on. If I can just stop feeling guilty it would be quite empowering x

@Sammy73 nice to hear from you 😊 I am

looking forward to some pictures of your place in France. 

@TicTok I hope work continues to feel a little easier for you.

Barbara how is your knee?? How is work going? 
Garden girl - we are in France next week if you fancy popping out for a vin chaud?! 
Michelle - how are you? When is your half marathon or have you done it? 
Delly - do you have Instagram? Look up dahliabeach I think you’d really like it x

So the news from here is that I’ve had a bit of a wobble but feeling a bit better again now. One of my husband’s work colleagues found a lump and visited the sand Suge on as me for breast clinic on Thursday. It seems to have triggered some not very nice memories for me. She’s fine which is such great news but I’m ashamed to admit it set me off down a bit of the ‘why me, it’s so unfair’ route. I really try not to do this but I kept imaging what it would have been like to leave that clinic with a massive feeling of relief instead of with the half numb disbelief half panic that I’m not going to be here to see my kids grow up feeling. I think I had convinced myself that I’m actually in quite a good position but somehow this pulled the rug from under me and made me think I’ve been kidding myself. I then woke up in the middle of the night feeling dizzy and convinced I had got brain mets. You can imagine the scenario. My poor husband doesn’t know what to do with me when I get like this. Anyway. I’ve pulled myself together a bit now. I suppose it’s made me realise that I’m not as far on as I thought. Hey ho, two steps forwards one step back. I kind of know that’s the way it goes but I don’t like or want the steps back. 

Sending love x

[TicTok]

Hi ladies I also have not been on recently I have read the posts and it seems like everyone is moving forward in there own ways which is all good , I have been back to work this week found it very tiring and ached all over last night woke in the night thinking I will pack it in but had a better day today so will see how I go 🤔.

delly had a nice break thank you and my husbands scan came back today and it was normal so that’s good 👍 

live you you all and enjoy this beautiful weather xx

[Sammy73]

@Love running 

Tell us about it!! But we have signed officially to buy the property and the notaire has now received the paperwork 😁

@noodledoodle @Purpledaze @gardengirl200 @amy46 @Michelle21 

Just while I'm on here was looking for some hormone support and a lady called silver is doing a study on letrozole side effects, quite an intresting read. I just searched hormones and it came up. I'm not on my own lol. Moody old cow that I've become!!

My partner keeps saying wheres my gorgeous girlfriend and I say not for xxxx here!! 

Enjoy the sun ladies x

[Sammy73]

@Purpledaze 

Very good to hear from you, just go with your flow, do what feels good for you. 

I think we all have anniversaries we don't want!! They do get easy I promise as time goes on. 

I havent been on here for a while and I'm shocking at remembering everyone and everything but sending good wishes to all!! 

Let's embrace the life we have and make it worth living as best we can. 

My hormones can do one!! Im a different person some days!! Im going to speak to my gp practice to see if there is a specialist I can speak to. 

Keep healthy and safe in this wonderful warm weather everyone. Xx

[Purpledaze]

Hello everyone

Thank you for your messages, and sorry for not being very 'active' in replying. It's been a funny few weeks, but at long last starting to feel better from Covid, thank goodness.  

I've read all your posts and am sending lots of hugs, support and positive thoughts to you all. I'm sorry not to be able to respond more to each post, but my brain / heart not able to do that yet. But know that I think of you all.

Tomorrow is one year since my surgery and 2 months since my husband died. Both dates I would rather not have etched in my mind...

Today, I confess, I have given myself over to a good bottle of wine!  Without a doubt, my husband would approve 😂

A good friend sent me a mug today (see photo) and it made me laugh - sums up how there are days of days!! Today is definitely a "no" day for me!!  But if cancer has taught me anything, it's not to feel guilty about "no" days.  Sending strength, light, and love to you all xx

[gardengirl200]

@CT2021 Yes, I absolutely get it. We fret about all this sort of information. I think it’s part of desperately trying to make sense of the world we’ve been flung into. A year on, and with a tiny bit of distance, I think Im getting slightly more relaxed about these details. Nothing is definitive. Everything is in the mix. And it’s a big mix. There are so many things at play, snd we may not even know why some people get cancer and others don’t and why some peoples cancer comes back and others don’t. The key thing is that the consultant is pleased with response so that great news. 👍👍👍  We all know what bad news feels like so I try to ‘feel’ the good news in equal measure. We deserve that. Hope u start to feel less tired. 

@amy that’s great news about good consultant meeting. 👍👍👍 

xxx 

[amy46]

@CT2021 

I get it. All of these things seem important. But either way it sounds like the chemo has done a tremendous job for you so that’s a very positive thing 😊😊

how long since you finished chemo? I think you will start to feel less tired soon. I am almost back to normal now and not sleeping in the day at all which I was for a few weeks after chemo.

So my appointment with my surgeon went well. It’s actually the first time I’ve been into a consultation since my diagnosis where I kind of felt like myself. I felt on a much more even footing with the consultant. She kind of surprised me by saying that I could have an ultrasound that afternoon if I wanted to. Freaked me out a little bit as I wasn’t expecting it but I decided to go for it because let’s face it if there’s something There it’s better to know but I was glad I didn’t know about it beforehand. She examined me and all seemed okay and the ultrasound was also fine. Had work pretty hard on myself not to be too overwhelmed by anxiety during the ultrasound because that was the point at which they broke the news to me when I was first diagnosis. Anyway another step in the right direction.

@delly Integrative medicine is a form of medical therapy that combines practices and treatments from alternative medicine with conventional medicine. It’s about looking at the whole person not just the disease and to my mind focuses more on wellness than illness. It’s what I felt was missing from my treatment at the hospital although I was extremely lucky to be offered reflexology and counselling as part of my treatment. I definitely felt like my doctors were focused, understandably, on treating the cancer and side-effects with conventional drugs which of course I wanted but I also got a lot from alternative therapies like acupuncture, mindfulness and meditation. Feel like maybe I could help people more if I moved into this area. The other thing I’m quite interested in  nutrition medicine. The training courses are expensive though especially if I don’t have an income! Anyway no decisions to be made in a hurry, I’ll see how I feel as the weeks go on.

Hope everyone ok. Xxx

[CT2021]

Hey lovely ladies

Hope all ok. My hair is growing so much - love it and so soft like a baby’s head!

Just realised I never posted after Onc appointment the other week. She was lovely and positive and said felt my response good (my husband asked this because feel they are mainly always negative or don’t say and be nice to actually know what she thought). I had 3 nodes affected (thought on the phone BC nurse had said 2) and In  2 no longer got cancer in but in one a tiny bit left.
Largest bit of invasive cancer left in boob 2mm which I see as positive since told was up to 10cm there originally. Was mixed with a load of DCIS. No idea therefore how much invasive cancer there in the first place and whether I was worrying about this bl##dy huge tumour for nothing or whether actually was 10cm. My husband is amazing he really is but he doesn’t seem to get why this is important to me but it is - do any of you get this? Always go on about size of tumour being a good indicator of prognosis so I was really worried when told had tumour that size.

Anyway im ok just trying to declutter and see friends. Do perpetually feel knackered - liken it to being 7 weeks pregnant all the time.

hope you are all ok?

lots of love xx

[amy46]

Hi everyone. Just a quickie to touch base. Hope everyone is ok. Thank you for the feedback on my Bookclub dilemma. My other friends have been so lovely I pretended to them I was ok with it as I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. I’ve realised this is not the way forwards so I’ve explained how I feel and they were of course completely understanding. Not sure how we will move it forwards yet but I feel better for being honest about it. 
In other news I managed park run in just over 30 minutes this week - 4 minutes faster than two weeks ago!  And I did 7km very slowly this morning so maybe there is hope for me joining the run with you. I guess we may have to do a later one depending on how @Love running  is doing. How is the knee Barbara? Hopefully improving. 
Anyway off to have my first follow up with surgeon this afternoon. Trying to keep my anxiety under control. I’ll write more later xx

[delly]

Hi @amy46  - I'm intrigued. What IS or does "Integrative Medicine" involve??

I too am sorry to hear about your Dad. You would notice his deterioration that much more, not being on the doorstep for frequent visits. Upsetting for you to see.

I keep trying to think of something humourous to call TN??!! 

I agree with the other girls. Why stop your enjoyable book club, because of the one person? Have you ever had a quiet aside conversation with her about it? your feelings?? Do your other friends know how you feel about her, what it's about/your gripes??

Hope you're appointment goes well, on Monday. As I said to Michelle, you wont think it now, but It will gradually change with these check-up reminders/prods. It really IS very much down to time. Plus, of course, you will reach a point where you won't have to go for them anymore, hey.

Oy @gardengirl200 Fleur - Enjoy the rest of your weekend away, but don't forget our Tartiflettes and Cremant, will yer. PLEEEASE 😋 Oooo, Yum Yum.

Am going now - I heard those HOORAY's 😒 If you don't behave, I shalln't divulge the punchline to my joke. Ohhh, all right then, you've twisted my arm (ouch) "What Do You Call a Man Under a Pile of Leaves" ?    

RUSSELL !!!     Ta-Taa Girls  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️    

[delly]

@gardengirl200  - Ha Ha, you're not embarrassed at all, you self confessed "vacuous" Jetsetter you!!😆 You go for it girl, and "vacuous"? Well whatever floats your boat at the time, I say! We're all right for blue sky at the mo', but send us all some tartiflette and cremant over, will yer. 

@Love running  - I'm really Sorry about your knee. At least you now know what it is, and are able to counteract it with muscle strengthening. It's such a badly designed joint, from whoever created it? 🤔  I know it's bad enough, but, I'm glad to hear it wasn't worse, i.e. your Cruciate or a torn cartilage. Great to hear you're back at work and you are able to ease yourself back gradually. That must seem a really good positive step forward, I would think. Hope you find your therapy sessions very helpful too.

Keep "pumping" those knees girl!

@Michelle21  - Mmmm, yeh, 1st anniversaries especially, be it Mothers Day or birthdays, and then following. I still get emotional. My lovely elderly neighbour put it so aptly when I felt a bit wobbly around my Mum's birthday, early Aug - "These things tend to "prod" our emotions".  I'm so glad you have the distraction of your run on Mother's Day, AND your lovely daughter's company for a few weeks. 

Glad you enjoyed your "clean" 🤔 W/end away? You're Duchess trip sounds fantastic. Something lovely AND exciting to look forward to. Do you need a cook?? I'll even bake you a birthday cake? AND . . . I promise to gen up on a few BETTER jokes beforehand, to provide free entertainment too?? What, STILL No? Ohh, all right then😞 I'll find some other poor unsuspecting people to annoy😆  That's great to hear your R/arm Lymphoedema has improved since your last appointment, and that you felt more positive after your chat with the nurse - a pair of understanding ears.

You're bound to feel "will I always feel this way about check ups, appointments = reminders. But Yeh, that seed and waking thought WILL and DOES become smaller.

Am "Moving on up" >>  

[delly]

Hi Girly-Wurlies

@Purpledaze  -  Am sending you lots of ❤️LOVE❤️ (that goes for the rest of you too!) and soo hope you're now recovering from  Covid.

@TicTok  - What was the news on the husbands scan?? Hope your Kai's ankle is now better? And did you enjoy your anniversary break?? Weren't you going off for a short break somewhere?? Forgive me if I'm getting my facts mixed up between you all. 

Was it you @Michelle21 going to Gloucester for a weekend?? Be that a "dirty" w/end (as we used to call 'em) or "clean" one!😊  And No, I'm not expecting an answer to that! Am just being my usual incorrigibly, naughtily teasing self. 

I'll pop back later to catch up with the rest of you-hoos. Hope you all noticed my new Avatar/profile piccie, in my "The name's Bond . . . . . . Delly Bond" bikini!!😆  I keep being told I look the spit of Ursula Andress. But then I forget, some of you are "after" my time and probably don't know who she is??! 🤔  

@Love running  - Didn't get an answer to my "What Do You Call a Man Under a Pile of Leaves joke" ? ? ?

Doollally  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[gardengirl200]

@Michelle21 Yes, I’m embarrassed. But I dont care 🤣🤣🤣. @Love running only arrived yesterday and already managed a tartiflette and some cremant. 😍 A blue sky day too. 

[gardengirl200]

@amy46 Glad to hear things are going well with you and that you are still out running. I agree it makes sense to identify our ‘negative’ triggers and steer clear if we can. Life is tough enough and it is still so so early for us that we need to take care of ourselves.  It’s  a balance between educating ourselves to a certain level but not allowing it too much space. In the last couple of months  I’ve unfollowed a few cancer related Instagrams as they were too intense. I now follow a ridiculous amount of clothes and even makeup sites…It’s bizarre really as I don’t buy many clothes and I don’t wear much makeup but I find them so relaxing and looking at those I can be a normal person without connection to cancer. There is something ridiculously relaxing about watching eg. Samantha Cameron talking about the cut of a dress as if it was the most important thing in the world.  Just in case you think I am some serious sensible lawyer, I think I am really quite vacuous 😂! 

Sorry to hear about the book group ‘friend’. It’s a tough one isn’t it because book groups should be ‘intimate’ spaces as, although you are talking about books, and that sounds quite innocuous, inevitability you are revealing your very personal thoughts and views and you need to do that in an environment with goodwill and trust, where you are not judged. I find the dynamic of my book group interesting, there are some strong characters etc and sometimes it is hard to even disagree with a person, or I worry  if I’ve come across as stupid, or I might be slightly hurt if I’ve chosen a book no one else likes. And that is without the issue you now have.  So I think it depends if you can still be yourself in that group with that individual present, or do you know longer feel you want  to ‘reveal ’ your thoughts to that person. Have you mentioned it to your other friends? They might realise more than you know. I’m away this weekend with 2 good friends. We have a mutual friend who has irritated me for years as she is Uber competitive with her children, who are same ages as mine, it is all one way traffic snd she has not been in touch during my cancer diagnosis barring a card through the door, even though she lives 100 yards away. I have never mentioned my irritation to my other friends as we are just not the sort of people to talk about friends in that way, but it has come out this weekend that she has irritated them too. I was amazed. For 15 years I thought it was just me but secretly we have all thought the same! 
Good luck making your decision. But I agree with Michelle, if you enjoy it otherwise I would try to keep it going unless you are absolutely sure it isn’t going to be positive for you. Over the last few years there are a couple of times I’ve come very close to giving up my book group but I’m so so glad I’ve kept it going. 

sorry to hear about your dad. Yes, we have a lot to juggle in our lives. Horrible to see our dads  get old and frail. My dad died in Dec 2018  after a stroke. I still miss him so much. 

It’s been the anniversary of my diagnosis so I had my mammogram last week. I find it hard to get excited about a scan which failed to pick up my lobular cancer previously, but I guess at least some screening better than none. 

I hope you have some lovely things planned with your kids over Easter. I definitely wouldn’t rush back to work! 

[Michelle21]

Hi Fleur good to hear from you!
😂 You should be embarrassed, France AGAIN!!!!! 😂 Joking of course, we have to grab and enjoy life as much as possible. Enjoy the last of the snow.  
Well done on your run. I imagine the run you did was an emotional challenge too, being in the village you grew up in. Cardiff half will definitely be emotional for me. I can’t quite believe I am running the distances that I am but looking forward to tapering down after the half.  Running is always hard because we always want to go that bit further or run that but faster but the pain is worth it!  Definitely sign up the the next race, it’s good to have something to aim and train for. 
Have a great weekend xx

[gardengirl200]

@Michelle21 glad to hear your running still going so well. And that your lymphoedema slightly improving. I had no idea it can take so long for it to materialise!
How lovely that your daughter is coming home from uni for a decent length of time. Especially this first Mother’s Day without your mum. That will be very special and I expect/Hope filled with lots of happy thoughts and memories.
Bar one meal, I’ve not seen my son since Xmas. Starting to really miss him but hopefully I will see him too over Easter. 

I ran 9k last Friday, kind of accidentally, and it was fine so after I thought I wouldn’t, I did enter the Callander 10k, a village where I was brought up. I found it tough and it took me an hour and 10 mins. I was very much towards the end of the pack but I was so so happy that I had done it! Going to try the next one next month. 

I’ve got to go for breakfast now. I’m embarrassed to admit I’m in France again ( Les Carroz near Flaine) for the weekend. It’s very misty but hoping to get out early before snow deteriorates. @Love running I am so sorry to hear re your knee. I’m writing sep messages so I don’t get confused so I will add more later. Xx 

[Michelle21]

Hi @amy46  good to hear you are doing well. A couple of bumps is the norm I think. If I was you I would remove myself from the TN Facebook page if it is brining you down. Sometimes it is those with issues who post more where as others are out getting on with life. For the record I have 3 friends who had TN in 2018. One who had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and two others who both had lumpectomy with full node clearance, chemo, radiotherapy, Zometa and I think one is on the asprin trial and they are all out living life.
Sorry to hear about your dads health deteriorating, we are at that age when we  have to deal with our parents health but unfortunately we have our own health  issues thrown into the mix which makes everything more difficult. 
The book club situation sounds difficult, maybe give it another month or say and you may feel less angry at your friend and also stronger in yourself. It’s a shame to miss out on something you obviously enjoy especially as the majority of the group have been a great support. Good luck with your appointment hopefully it will make you feel stronger again. 

I had an appt with the lymphoedema nurse yesterday. My right arm has slight lymphoedema and had actually reduced since my last appt. My left is still ok but I know it took about a year/18 months for it to appear on my right side. The nurse was great as she was a BC nurse previously and knew my onc and had heard good things about my surgeon. She also spoke through some of my worries with me and I actually felt pretty positive after. It’s all about trying to keep that positive mindset and moving forward with everything. 
Today was my final long training run before I do the Cardiff Half on Mothers Day. I ran 9miles today and although I feel tired I’m ok. I’m looking forward to the race especially as it will be my first Mother’s Day without my mum, it will be a good distraction. Also my youngest daughter is coming home from Uni that weekend to stay for 3 weeks. I can’t wait to see her and spend some proper time together. Xx

[amy46]

Hello all. Sorry for the radio silence. I hope everyone is ok.

@Purple daze your post brought tears to my eyes. I know I haven’t been on here much but I have been thinking of you. How are you doing my lovely? Probably a silly question? I hope that  the fact that spring is most definitely here brings you some small comfort. The daffodils the crocuses and the signs of new life everywhere. Even the blossom has come out on the trees over the last few days. And how are you in terms of covid? I couldn’t believe it when I read you had that on top of everything else!! Sending you love.

@Love running Such a bummer About your knee. I totally understand why you might of had a few why me moments. Just another one of those waves to knock you down when you get your head above the water hey? You will get back to the running pretty quickly I’m sure - not much can hold you back! I am hoping to be signed off until June and then take a couple of months of unpaid leave and maybe go back in September. I want to have the summer off with the kids. I am a actually kind of thinking about doing something different. It’s only a tiny idea at the moment but I was so disappointed by my oncologists lack of interest in anything other than mainstream treatment that I’m contemplating retraining in integrative medicine. Just a little wisp of an idea at the moment, I’ll see what it turns into.

I’ve been down to see my dad this week, he lives in North Norfolk so it was a four hour trip each way. Found it quite hard - his health hasn’t been great these last few years and he’s really deteriorated. He can’t really do much more than sit in a chair now. Heartbreaking when you see your dad like that. It was the right thing to do though as I haven’t seen my dad and my stepmum since September so they needed to see that I am okay.

I seem to feel quite positive and well most of the time. Im building up my exercise and strength although I’m not sure I’ll be ready to run 10km beginning of May! I’m trying to come off the Facebook triple negative page as it’s making me feel really anxious when I go on it, everything seems so negative on there. Can’t remember if we talked about this before but I’d really like to rename triple negative breast cancer even the name is Doom and gloom!

I have had a couple of little bumps, my Bookclub has started to meet again and I’m not going because one of the women who has been such a crappy friend through all of this that I just can’t bear to be around her. The trouble is the other three in the group are my closest friends and have been such a wonderful support so although I tried to be okay with that I’m not really. Just feels like yet another unpleasant thing that I have to learn to overcome. I’ve also got an appointment to see my surgeon on Monday. It’s just for a check up, no scans or anything but i still feel nervous about it. Wonder if that will ever change.

Hope you are all ok. Sending love.

[Michelle21]

Hi everyone I hope you are all doing ok and getting back to a bit of normality. @Purpledaze I hope you have made a good recovery from COVID and pleased to hear the day went as well as it could and that you have lots of support around. My Dad keeps himself very busy visiting friends and family all the time, I think it helps him.  I’m sure it is going to take you a long time to absorb what has happened in your life over the last 12 months I know when I think about what has happened in my life in some ways it is just unbelievable but I think gradually over time little bit by little bit it sinks in.
Have you been able to run again? How is it going? I hope you are thinking of coming to the meet up in May, in London, something for you to focus your running on! 
@Love running @so sorry your knee has prevented you for running for a while and that once again you have had to pick yourself up and dust yourself down.  Your feelings of ‘what have I done to deserve this’ are understandable, why can’t we have health and happiness? I was chatting with a friend this morning who was talking about a holiday that she might go on in the summer of 2023 and I thought how nice it would be to be able to plan a holiday that far in advance and not worry if you are still going to be here. Hopefully your knee will repair quickly and you are able to run again soon. 
I can understand how getting back to work can be helpful, particularly once you get over that moment of feeling like the ‘new girl’  again and wondering what others are wondering about your time off. A bit of normality in life is a wonderful thing.  Having said that I have just had a weekend away with my husband and I had a little bit of what @amy46 experienced. Being away from my usual routine enabled me to have different thoughts which was a real relief and a break from what circles around my head everyday. I am looking forward to our holidays this year. We have booked our drive to Sweden. I will be spending my birthday in Copenhagen and then we travel to the west coast of Sweden and over to Stockholm on the East. Yes lots of driving but hopefully we will see and experience lots along the way. We have to get to Stockholm for the 26th June as coincidently my husband has a work conference so we will have a couple of nights break from the van in a bit of luxury! It would be great to meet up there sometime as well as our meet up with everyone in May, are you still able to do that? After receiving such support from everyone here it would be great if we can all get together. When we get a bit nearer I can set up a WhatsApp group for us all so we can make our arrangements. 
Anyway I’ll sign off now, sending good vibes to all xx

[Love running]

Good afternoon,

I have not forgotten you or ignored you ladies but I have been caught up with life and work. 

@Purpledaze it is nice to read the funeral was a peaceful loving farewell from you and friends to you husband. Sad thought that you got COVID-19 and had to be on your own for the aftermath. It is not easy to get your head around a normal life when all these tragic events happened in your life. I have been all over the place but as @Michelle21 rightly said, time helps to move forward and find a new normal. I hope you will get there and that we all get there eventually. I am still seeing someone to help dealing with my emotions and feelings post cancer. I met her today and it is the first time, I did not cry. So there must be some improvement. 

Right after my skiing holiday, I have started working again and it feels good actually. I only work 25% for the first three months. It brings some normality back into my life. My colleagues have been super welcoming. I had though few 'interesting' comments as not everyone knows why I was away - we all worked remotely for nearly 2 years. I am still surprised how tired I am in the evenings when I have worked. I guess my brain is not used to anymore. 

On my skiing holidays, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions because of my injury and my French family. but overall it was a good week with lots of sunshine and family time. @delly it is my MCL that is stretched and I am now doing physiotherapy for both my knees. I got over the sadness and the disappointment. I felt so let again by the universe and my body (had the thoughts: why me? why am I not allowed to be healthy and happy? what did I do to deserve this?) but I have pulled myself together. Watching the news and the situation in Ukraine also put things into perspective. What am I complaining about when I live in a country in peace and in security (although there is some anxiety in Sweden in the population because of the proximity with Russia and the fact that Sweden is not in NATO).

Anyway, I have not run for 3 weeks and won't for another 2-3. It is not the end of the world. I will learn to be patient. On the running note, congratulations @amy46 for your first park run. Instead I am biking again, the snow has finally left the street and it is safe again to bike without studs.

@TicTok any progress on finding a destination to have your dream holidays? 

@Sammy73 things take time in France. It is a very bureaucratic country😂. It took us one year to negotiate, prepare and sign the papers for our flat south of France... C'est la vie!

Now I am off to physiotherapy. Will write more later

Lots of hugs