MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

[delly]

YEY, Aerosmith!! @TicTok  - I immediately recognised the words and began singing it, or "singing" of sorts 🤔  I'm not particularly a fan of theirs, but That song was an exception, it being more of a quiet ballad, rather than "Dude (Looks like a Lady)" 😆 and such. It also used to be one of "our tunes" with my 'X'.

Hope you're feeling a bit better, @Purpledaze are you??

Hope all you other Lady "Dudes" are dudeing okay too?? 

Lotsa love to everyone, DudeLadyDelly as oppo to DoolallyDelly!! 😀  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[TicTok]

Purpledaze… you have done so well it makes me cry reading your post and it sounds like you have lovely support from friends and family . Crap you got covid though but like you say time to grieve and reflect was maybe a good thing …I admire you and I hope you feel better soon x

On a down night  I sometimes wake  thinking what music I would want at my funeral I always come up with the song from Armageddon for Kai….I don’t want to close my eyes I don’t want to miss a thing coz I love you babe and I don’t want to miss a thing although its meant for a couple that’s how I feel for him 🥲

[delly]

@Purpledaze  -  Helloooo flower. Good to see you.  Ohhh, I'm so glad everything went well. It sounds to have been a very special and lovely ceremony and commemorative day. 

Am NOT glad to hear you've picked up this flipping virus though. But AM pleased to hear the anti-viral treatment is helping. I hope you're energy levels pick up soon, and that you can re-unite with your friends and dogs for some much needed comfort soon too.

Much love and strength to you, dear lady.    Delly  X❤️X  

[Purpledaze]

Hello lovely ladies

Thank you for all your caring thoughts - even though I am only reading your messages now, I knew you were 'there' for me and it definitely helped.  Hard to believe the funeral was already a week ago... how is it possible that time moves on when my heart stands still? It was a beautiful ceremony, with lots of music (my husband wrote songs), photos, and messages from friends and family.  Fortunately, there were no restrictions as to number of attendees, so many good friends were able to be there, too.  It was comforting to share stories and memories with our friends and to feel 'held' by them.  

The (inevitable?) post-funeral crash and burn has been exacerbated by me getting Covid... so instead of having the company of some dear friends this week I have been on my own. I didn't even have my dogs with me as I felt too unwell at first so they stayed in the kennels where they had been for the funeral and just after.  But perhaps in a way it was ok - a forced period of just me with my grief, and a chance to be more introspective. A chance also to start reflecting about how my cancer diagnosis and treatment has impacted my life - something I have not really been able to even think about before now with everything that has happened to me since end September when I finished chemo. 

I took up the offer from NHS of the antiviral treatment for Covid (a "plus point" of having had chemo??) and do think that these have helped me feel better since yesterday. Today, at long last, I can breathe through my nose and am not coughing every other minute!  My energy levels, however, are on the floor and I suspect the fitness i had started to build up with my very-beginner's-start-to-running, has gone right back to zero (or minus). Oh well, I will just have to start again.

I finally heard that i will have my first annual mammogram check-up in mid-April.  A date already etched in my mind as I try very hard not to think about it...

Emotionally I am all over the place. I continue to take each day as it comes. 

I think of you all often - your trials, tribulations, the jokes, the adventures, your fears, the advice and tips you share, and the courage, compassion and beautiful resilience that shines through all your messages.  You are amazing 🌟

[delly]

Heck @TicTok  - You and he are having a wry old time of it. Hope all goes well with his check-u then, as well as his scan.  🥂❤️HAPPY ANNIVERSARY❤️🥂 Are you and he out celebrating tonight? Was I right in you saying 41 yrs of loveydovey?

Right girls, I'm outta you're hairs for a bit, off for a quick walk, whilst still light, plus go feed the ducks and Swannie. Byeeee xxXXxx

[TicTok]

Delly ….the training was sat and the matches are on Sunday so he played in defence as not quite so much running involved which he is also very good ,at thanks for more holiday ideas it’s our anniversary today when we would usually be away this week but we had to change it to next week my husband has prostrate cancer and has been on watch for a couple of years but it’s his check up this week so he has to go hospital to see if alls ok 😱I don’t know where we will end up going in may probably no where at this rate …. It’s all good fun here 

love to all you ladies xx

[delly]

@Love running  - 

I'm really glad to hear your knee's more "settled", being a fellow knee injury'er and having knowledge about its structures and various injuries to it, I'm hoping it's just a sprain or strain to an EXternal ligament or tendon. I very much doubt you'd have been able to ski on it two days after were it a torn cartilage or your Ant or Post Cruciate Ligs. I couldn't even walk on mine "immediately" after, faar too painful. Think back to yours at the time?? Yes, could be a stretched external MCL or LCL (i.e. Collateral ligs). Obviously, much depends on whereabouts you're feeling the pain and If there any external tenderness when you press anywhere on the outside? I'm interested that you chose a Chiropractor to check it.

Book - Yeh! I'd had similar thoughts to write a personal one, entitled "My New Pair. . . . . and other Titbits of life)" once I'd fully completed reconstruction, from nothing to the icing on the cake(or nipple!, being nipple tattooing)! Serious, but also Peppered with some humour of course, but not my jokes, girls! But recon still not completed. About 5 yrs ago, I too had thoughts to create a selection of inspiring and amusing posts from here, and other inspiring pieces of texts, to help "lift" BC women. 2 other girls were interested to join me, and we were going to raise sponsers to fund/back it (one worked in a bank), and donate the sale proceeds to BCN. But, the other girls struggled with their treatments, and I can all be hot air and f**ts. So I think it's a good idea @Love running.  

Oo-er "insouciance"?! What a lovely word. I presume it means the same as "ca ne fait rien"?      

In answer to your kids question - "I've No Idea(eye deer), Dear(Deer)"! (is it?!!) Ask 'em "What Do You Call a Man Under a Pile of Leaves"??

@CT2021  - Try not to beat yourself up about the extra 3 wks of pax. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference?? You could only do did what you and your body could cope with from the sounds of it. Glorious sunshine here today too. Makes a difference hey? Even had my bikini on and was snoozing in the garden. But got woken up by the noise of flashing camera's. Someone had tipped the Papparazzi off. Happens every time. I'm joking😆 both about wearing the bikini and the Papps (ha ha - it's that Scottish word for boobs again, @Gardengirl)

@TicTok  - Ref Kai, poor little fella.  What's "defending"? To do with football training??   When's your anniversary? And do I remember you saying it to be no. 41? I'm guessing what you do for your 2 wks off is now dependent on what your husbands scans show up is it.

Am going now. Lots of love to EVERYone ❤️ ❤️ ❤️  

[delly]

Hi Lovely fellow Boobiebabes 😆

@amy46  - That's great on your 1st park run achievement. Do you think you're already feeling/gaining benefits from your diet/nutrition changes and they've given you a bit more Zip! The nutrition, Yes it is all fascinating, espesh your methylation heroes list.

I often think, when we get cravings for certain things, it's that our bodies are needing them. I don't mean bad habit stuff like sweets or alcohol. But oranges, beetroots, nuts, dried apricots, things that you like, but are healthy.

Do you live near the sea, as you mentioned surfboards??

@Michelle21  - Cooo, Happy 25th for the 14th. That's a lovely special break for you to look forward too.  Also, Glad you're splashing some champers on Duchess. She said to please keep it to her outside though, she doesn't want any marks on her lovely new interior😜

Jeez, it's such a PIG you're going through this a second time, sweetheart. I DO feel for you.

Thanks for your sympathy ref my "Gordy". He'd had to live such a miserable chair and bedridden existence for 8 yrs, it's frankly a blessing for him, which is a comfort to us all. (I've long been pro Euthanasia being made legal here for such cases)  The funeral's in Hereford. I've decided not to go. I struggle with funerals these days with my last two family being only 2 yrs apart, and my mental head state. But HE understood my difficulties, and his daughter does too. The day of the news, I had my own very special day with and for him and that's enough for me. His daughter has plenty of family and friends to support her, so I'm not needed in that respect, and there'll be loads of people going. He was very well loved.

Ref your Mum, Yeh, I can understand that after funeral kind of emptiness. But how lovely to have beautiful colourful cheerful Spring flowers to look at and remind you of her, Michelle. When I moved here, I planted my Mum's favourite climbing rose, and another for my Dad, which just happens to be his name and a famous whiskey (has the initials J.W.!). Mum's has the most beautiful perfume, especially in the evening where I sit on the bench. If I cut just a few for in a vase, when I open the door in the morning, the whole room is scented. Ashes - I still have theirs in decorative boxes 😞 (they're all mixed together!! so in 2 not 3), and "still" with the intention to take them down to Salcombe in Devon to scatter them and have a walking break treat at the same time. It was our most favourite place in England from being a young family onwards. Stunningly beautiful on an inlet of water flanked by rocky and wooded slopes leading to the high headlands and dotted with lovely little sandy coves. If you've never been GO and make sure you take the little ferryboat across to walk both sides of the water and see it from the other side.

There's a gorgeous bijou hotel @TicTok if you're wishing to stay in Britain for your Annversary break - "The South Sands Hotel". Mum and I ended up having a very special break there. Hadn't booked anywhere (as was her habit when out of hol season), but the hotel we were "aiming" to stay at was closed!, and this one was just over the road. Turned out to be much nicer. I can highly rec for any special celebratory break, and it looks even nicer now when I last looked on-line, having been revamped. Very up-market. It's right on the beach too. Dining room has panoramic views of the water. Next time you have a coffee break, Google it. And No, I don't have shares in it🤣(unfortunately). Salcombe tends to have it's own micro climate too, often clearer and warmer than the rest of country. So yes, the sun sounds and seems to shine out of it's bum.    

I've gone off on one again, sorry 😄 Just gonna have a look at other posts xXXx     

[TicTok]

Amy46 …hi back to work was ok only did 4 hours for 4 days as the nurse came Tuesday with my injection I was tired by Friday but glad I have 2 weeks holiday now  ….. grandson got kicked on the ankle last week and it’s not quite right yet so he went to defending today , he did really well but I could see it was hurting 💙….. interesting list have heard turmeric is really good for you my friend takes the capsules X

Michelle21 thanks Michelle so do I if it does show any signs of a mini stoke he won’t be able to drive for a month 

congratulations on you 25th anniversary I hope you have a lovely day xx👏

gardengirl…so so sorry you had a bad time last week but glad to here you are feeling better now 🙂x

ct2021….I had my opp on December 2nd then radio on the 14th of feb ….sorry I don’t understand all the things you are having as mine was totally different I had HR2 positive with a couple of nodes x

I hope you ladies have a good week xx

[CT2021]

Thanks for all your lovely supportive replies. @gardengirl200 i loved your description about processing the news and the stages - I definitely recognise it!

@amy46  @Michelle21  thank you both for your offer advice re radio and cape.

I’m ok just keep thinking I should have persevered and pushed myself to do 3 more weeks of pax (and 1 week of carb). One Onc had put me in to do 12 weeks but the other onc always thought 9 would be enough. I literally crawled into the meeting with the onc after 9 weeks as so physically exhausted and broke down as just felt couldn’t go on with it. Now I think if I had managed to do 3 more would it have got rid of the rest of the cancer as talking such minuscule amounts?? Just can’t get my head around the cape .. you have literally a few mm of invasive cancer left and you are offered it and yet if you don’t have any left you aren’t. Need to speak to oncologist next week abd properly understand the DCIS they found - I knew from the original mammogram that they saw calcifications and ultimately why had to have mastectomy . But only when BC nurse rang with results did she call calcifications DCIS. Anyway will find out soon enough.

Do you know how long after surgery you have radio ? Really don’t want it during Easter school hols as need to do something with husband and kids - feel like I’ve been in bed for the last 6 months and need a change. As my kids are 7 and 10 I need to be present and I feel like I’m missing out on so much. My husband is great thank god but even so ….

anyway the ☀️ Is out today and that helps!

love to all xxxx

[Love running]

@Michelle21 

Don’t come out if bed, ask instead breakfast or brunch brought in bed😀

I know exactly how you feel when you say that you feel empowered and strong on the thought to complete a run. Each time I manage a small progress whether is running a little longer, little faster I feel that I can do beat anything coming my way. This means too that when I have set backs (still hard to breath and now pain in my knee), I feel vulnerable and insecure. I try to accept the ups and the downs, to be patient (not my strength).

I hope you will feel good mentally and physically like doing the Cardiff half. Even just for the party, the cheer from the crowd and the beauty of the tracks. Don’t pull out. 

Congratulations for your 25th anniversary.  Luxury is definitely something we and our family deserve after all we have gone through.  I hope @TicTok finds a good destination for her anniversary too.

Fun with a 25th anniversary party disguised in a baptism/revelation party of the van. I am a big fan of keeping it simple because otherwise the host never enjoys the party. 

what you describe about your husband and the joy of hearing him joking and laughing and about the long lack of social  activities is so true. The pandemic and the need for us to isolate during our treatment has definitely taken a toll on our close ones. I had a similar experience with my kids when recently we started play dates home again. I also realized that I became more serious and less fun as I used to be. I lost my insouciance but I want to work it back. 

[Michelle21]

Hello all

Ive had an ok week, trying to keep myself on an even keel, easier said than done. I want to move on with life but I don’t want to wish away even a second of it. 
Running has been very up and down depending on where I am in the chemo cycle, a week ago I was crying because it felt so hard but on Friday I ran 8.5miles. I was slow but that doesn’t matter I did the distance and it felt good (apart from being very tired!) I am harbouring thoughts of completing the Cardiff Half at the end of this month. I love that race, I’ve done it so many times and the thought of not doing it makes me feel like someone who is ill, vulnerable, but the thought of being able to do it makes me feel strong and empowered. I am going to try and run 10-11 miles on Friday and if I feel ok on the day I will do it. If it was any other half marathon I would pull out but this is different. 
We had a really nice night out at a friends house last night. It was good to see my husband laughing and cracking jokes with friends, he has a great sense of humour. I worry he hasn’t done enough socialising over the last year.
It is our 25th Wedding anniversary on 14th so we are going away for a couple of nights in Gloucestershire at the weekend, not in the camper, I thought 25 years deserved a bit of luxury! 
Re the camper I’m going to have a small party in a couple of weeks to show her off to all of our friends. Just a few hours on a Sunday afternoon a bit of fizz,  sandwiches and some homemade brownies, keeping it simple. Planning it is keeping me occupied and something to look forward to. I think in my head it is the anniversary party that we would have had if I hadn’t been going through this, but I haven’t said that to anyone.  
Well it is 12:30 so I think I should make the effort to get out of bed now!! I hope everyone is keeping themselves well, getting through their difficulties and getting the most enjoyment from life that they can xxx

[Love running]

On my way back from my skiing holidays, sitting in the car for few hours in jams (half of the people from Stockholm went to the north, so there is a lot of cars on the single line road).

This means I can finally take reply to your kind messages. 

Overall the knee is ok. I rest it 2 days applying voltaren. It still hurts during some movements. I am pretty convinced it is my MCL. I have a time on Tuesday with my chiropractor🤞🏻.

I was so down mentally being so unlucky (also my French family decided to put more drama in my life - no comment 🤬). A friend of my mum called me and she was blunt and shook me and what she said was exactly what I needed. She is a wonderful person. 

I also thought about you Fleur, about your approach to life (even if you have also your down). I don’t want to feel worry all the time, I don’t want to be scared of the next thing, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, i do t want to be worry about my body, I just want to enjoy the moment.

The moment being spending quality time with my family even if I don’t ski with them. After 2 days, I even tried slow country skiing on the lake. It was such a mental boost, I guess I am addicted to endorphins. The weather was gorgeous- sunny. I could not get enough of the nature. In the evenings I also allowed myself the occasional glass of wine. 

I reflected too on how I can build my resilience - by accepting that it won’t happen directly but it will eventually come. My first step being starting to work tomorrow, which I realized I am really looking forward to. 

I wanted to say that reading your posts and how you all cope through life and difficulties is inspiring. It helps me so much. You ladies are so wise and caring and strong. May be we should write a book about our journey through the May starter thread. Together we could help so many other women. 

@TicTok hope you and your husband are fine now after the fright you had. 🤞🏻.

@gardengirl200 I hope you have bounced back to your normal you. I think you have an inspirational approach to life after cancer. 

@delly the kids did not know the answer on the frogs but they send you this one : how do you call a no eye deer? 

@amy46 your husband is similar to mine. Joacim can spend hours and hours in searching for the best mountain bike wheels, bikes, beer equipments, skis. sometimes it drives me crazy… 
I need to admit that I love my new snowboard even if I used it only for three half days. This is probably why I got so upset when I got hurt. I was surfing, the snow was good and I felt young and the top of the world. My kids were proud of their mummy. They thought I was so cool.

Then I slip walking and get hurt.

@Purpledaze you were on my thoughts this week. 

[Michelle21]

@gardengirl200 @A bit late I know but sorry to hear your emotions came crashing down last week. It’s so hard when that dark cloud hovers above our heads. I do the same as you and search out those medical reports to try and read something positive, something to make me feel different about what has happened to me but as you say it is what it is and nothing is going to change the fact I had 6 positive lymph nodes removed post chemo. I still try and follow your philosophy of I am here today and healthy a enjoy it, and most of the time that is ok. I think we will have those dark times over the next few years but cliche or not time is a great healer and those moments will hopefully be further apart. I am glad you are back feeling upbeat, long may it last!! X

@CT2021 I am glad you have had your results and like you say they could have been worse, we are where we are. As I said before I am on Capecitabine so if you have any questions I’m happy to answer them if I can. I am just a few days over halfway through and although it does feel like a backwards step to be back having chemo it doesn’t affect life as much as intravenous chemo. Also I feel desperate to have anything that may give me a chance to get rid of cancer and carry on living. 
Side effects so far have been minimal. When my hands get dry i cake them in Locobase as recommended by @Love running and that seems to work. I ordered it online I don’t think you can buy it here. I sometimes feel tired in the afternoons so sit down and watch a bit of cheesy TV I.e The Gilded Age! Or sometimes have an afternoon nap. I walk every day and run a couple of nights a week but if I do anything extra then I have to compensate with rest time. We went out last night to friends house and at midday I am still in bed! I did an extra long run on Friday and snoozed Friday and Saturday afternoons. So far I would say it is very manageable. As for rads, like @amy46 I hated it mentally. The first time I had it in 2018 and had 20 sessions and a very bad skin reaction and in 2021 had 15 sessions and almost questioned whether the machines were on as normal skin reaction. In a mad way I kind of want a reaction to know it had done something!! Hopefully it will al go well for you xx

[Michelle21]

@Love running Hi how is your knee? What a blow to hurt the other leg. These things do feel like we are on a never ending train of trying to recover. I hope the remainder of you holiday went well and that you were able to enjoy it. The apartment looked lovely, I like the Swedish design. Are you back home now? Are you able to run? i hope you are managing to get out with your club and run through the forest. I imagine like here the nights are getting lighter, so your clocks change at the end of March to make the nights lighter? Here the daffodils are all out and the tulips are starting to poke through. We planted a lot of bulbs last autumn so I’m hoping for a good display of flowers this year. 

@delly  I’m so sorry to hear about your uncle, it’s so hard to lose someone dear. It still doesn’t feel real that my mum has gone, she wanted her ashes scattered in my garden but I’m not sure when I will be up to that but that was the reason for planting so many bulbs. 
@Purpledaze I hope that Thursday went ok. I found it difficult after my mums funeral as it was a real focus for me and then nothing. I try to distract myself from thoughts about her but I’m not sure if that is the right thing to do. My dad keeps himself busy seeing friends and family, I hope you have lots of friends and family helping you. Thinking of you xx

@TicTok It must have been frightening having your husband rushed to hospital, I hope the scan comes back clear and they can put it down to a migraine. Xx

@amy46 Congratulations on completing parkrun! Your son did very well too!  I understand your emotions I find running often makes me emotional and more so now as it feels like such an achievement. I volunteered at a local parkrun again this Saturday and found that really enjoyable, cheering the runners in and handing them their token. Parkrun is such a genius idea. X

[amy46]

 

[amy46]

@gardengirl200 

Sorry you had a bad spell. Your description of getting the fear and your response to it so totally mirrors what I have done in the past and am sure I’ll do again even though I know it’s not good for me. 

You and @delly were asking about the nutrition appointment I had. It was very specific to me as I’d had lots of genetic tests done to better understand  my metabolism etc. fascinating stuff and I learnt a lot. One example - my vitamin D receptors are not very sensitive so whilst for most people a certain level of vitamin d in the blood would be fine, I need higher. 
if I could summarise the generic points I’d say: reduce your processed foods including bread, pasta etc as much as possible. Eat as many and as varied nutrient dense food as possible. Aim for a 13 hour overnight fast. Try to be properly hungry at least once per day. Anyone who has recently had chemo needs lots of methylation hero’s as chemo strips the body of these. I’ll try to insert a photo of the food types. 
Everything else was quite specific to me. 
I had a chat with our lovely Michelle about it all and whilst i am pleased to have something really proactive to do which seems based on sound science, once you ‘open the box’ you can’t unsee what is there. So I now know that I don’t metabolise alcohol terribly well so although I haven’t drunk loads in the past, what I have drunk would have had more pronounced effects on me. I’m not suggesting that’s why I got breast cancer, but that combined with various other environmental influences and some bad luck may have contributed. I can still have an occasional drink, but it will feel different now, knowing what I know. Does that make sense? Xx 

[amy46]

@Purpledaze 

Been thinking of you a lot this week. I don’t have any words of wisdom but hopefully it helps, even a tiny bit, to know that we ladies here are thinking about you and sending love and support in your direction. Xxxx

[amy46]

@Love running 

How is your knee? I really hope you recovered enough to enjoy the rest of your holiday. It sometimes feels like those big waves just keep on coming, every time you get your head above water and start to swim, another knocks you under.

I mentioned to my husband that you got a new snowboard - now he’s busy researching a new one for me! 😂 He hardly spends any money apart from on ‘kit’ he loves nothing more than researching for a new bike, surfboard, running watch …. 

I did my first park run yesterday. I took it really slowly as I haven’t actually run 5km without stopping or walking for quite some time. I did it in 34 minutes, quite a long way off my PB 27 something but I felt really proud of myself. Halfway round i was almost overcome with emotion. I thought to myself, I’ve come a really long way and there were times when doing something like this felt a million miles away. My son was there cheering me on for a ‘sprint finish’ (he’d run round in 23 minutes 😂) so it felt really good. Plenty of room for improvement too 😊 sending love x

[amy46]

@CT2021how are you feeling now the news has settled in? I always feel totally wiped out after getting new info. I think it’s such a build up of anxiety with the waiting. I can’t offer any advice re cape but I did have three weeks of radiotherapy. Physically it was a breeze after chemo. I was given some cream from the hospital which I’ve momentarily forgotten the name of but will post later and I didn’t have any skin reaction at all to speak of. The mental side I found harder but from what I’ve read I’m probably in the minority with that. I would be happy to chat to you and explain exactly what to expect if you feel it would help? 
Do you know about the daily calm app? I am doing the ten minute daily meditation and I find it hugely helpful. There are little tips there that I actually find I use in my everyday life. Having always been a bit dismissive of stuff like this I now find myself much more open to it. Who knows, I might even book myself onto a little retreat 😂

sending love xx

[amy46]

@TicTok

sorry to hear you had a fright with your husband, glad to hear it’s on the mend now. Any more calls from your grandson? And how did it feel being back at work?? Xx

[TicTok]

Delly …. A bit better this afternoon thank you fingers 🤞for the MRI x

[delly]

"Ohhhh no you don't". Don't encourage me. It'll make me release another terrible joke😆

How is your man?? xXx

[TicTok]

Delly don’t change we love you how you are 😁xxx

[delly]

@TicTok  - Oh Crikey ref your hubby. Good that he's having a scan though and hope he's now feeling a lot better X

Yeh, I woke up feeling guilty ref long posts, so went back and edited!!

Hope everyone a has a relaxing weekend. Lovely sunny day here, so gonna put my bikini on again 😆  xxXX❤️XXxx  

[TicTok]

Morning lovely ladies I have just read all your posts , I haven’t got time to reply to all as got to take my boy football training….

purple daze … I hope Thurs went the best as it could have …. Been thinking of you x

@ct2921 … what a relief you must have getting your results back and Like you say could of been much worse x

love running … I hope your knee is improving for you and you are able to get back running soon x

my week has been manic, we had Kai from sat -Tues as his dad was poorly and it was my first week back at work 😱plus my injection week , then my husband took ill at work and took to hospital where he had to back on Fri for tests as they thought it might be a mini stroke …. But they say 98% sure it’s a migraine which he has never had before but has to go back for an MRI next week just to check .

delly … you sure can rabbit buddy 😂

love to everyone xxx

[delly]

Hi lovelies

Just a quickie - Oy, I heard that What?? Apologies for my often lengthy rabbitting. Get a bit passionately carried off and away at times (as you've noticed), so please forgive my "diluting" the nature of this thread at times. 

Firstly @Purpledaze  - I hope everything went well for & with you yesterday. I hope it was full of "shared" Happy, poignant memories for you, as well the sadness ❤️

@CT2021  - Glad to read and hear there's "some" snippets of good news for you so far, from your call, i.e. chemo's good job and only two nodes news.

@gardengirl200- And where was MY invitation to your friend's 50th do, Fleur?😜 Pleased to hear it's given a much needed lift your spirits, lovey.

@Love running  - Yeh, let us know how your knee is? Hope it's less painful for you and settled down. Did your kids give you the punchline to the "What do frogs wear on their feet" joke??

Why "Open TOAD Sandals"  Of course!! (Mais bien sur!! mes amis) Ha Ha. Am going now (heard that Hooraaay! too), before you chuck me off the thread, AGAIN 😰

Lots of love to EVERYone, despite,  Doolally-Delly ❤️❤️❤️      

[gardengirl200]

@CT2021  Good that you’ve got your results. The waiting is worse than anything.  If you’re anything like me you will have an initial sense of relief at getting the results, and then a bigger sense of relief thst things weren’t any worse and then a little niggle at the details you wish were different.  but I’m really not sure how much difference the details make. It only ever seemed to be me rather than the BCN or the oncologist who focused on them.  I like your phrase ‘could have been better could have been a lot worse’ cos I think it pretty much sums up this horrible cancer experience!  I am actually going to borrow that phrase from you. Cos for me, a year on, it is still helpful to be reminded that things could have been a lot worse. We had a bit of chat earlier on this forum about rads and we all had slightly different experiences I think. I personally found it fine in comparison to the chemo, and was glad to have it as I knew it is designed to zap any bad cells left in lymph nodes etc and was reassured by that. hope you find your meeting with onc helpful, I had a nice oncologist and always came out feeling more positive/happy than when I went in. Hopefully ‘post Covid’ you will be able to take someone to the meeting to be an extra set of ears. 

@dellythank you delly. Totally agree that there is probably so much we don’t yet know about the significance of environmental factors. And thank you for ur reassurance about time helping. I’m sure you are right and I guess ‘the crashes’ are to be expected. I do find when they have happened , a few months apart, they are followed by a positive/ optimistic spell, and that is how I am feeling at the moment which is good. 
I had a lovely day today at a friend’s 50th brunch which started at 10 and ended at 3pm and involved lots of chatting to old and new faces and lots of lovely food. It put me in a good mood! 

@Love running how is your leg?

fx 

[CT2021]

Hi Ladies

BC Nurse rang me with my results which good of her as Onc appointment over a week away.

Find it all so confusing but bottom line chemo did good job in getting rid of most of the cancer in the boob. There was a tiny bit of invasive left, mixed in with DCIS. Not sure how much exactly as apparently my cancer scattered around the boob hence need for mastectomy.

Re the lymph nodes it was apparently only ever in 2. One is completely clear of cancer, the other got a minuscule amount left in.

I’ll find out about next steps at onc appointment but did say MDT recommend  radio and oral chemo tablets. Can’t say either fill me with joy but guess gotta do what gotta do. I’ll see what onc says re rationale behind recommending it.

im not sure what to think, could have been better, could have been a lot worse. Just happy to now know but looking forward to seeing onc as hoping he’ll explain pathology in simple terms 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤣

Thanks for all your support you lovely bunch xx

[Love running]

@Purpledaze 

I am sending lots of love today. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Virtual hugs 

[delly]

 @gardengirl200 

Hi Fleur

Glad you popped on, flower. Sorry you've had such a "crash" as I call 'em. It's such early days for you yet, so yeh, you're likely to have more. It's ALL totally understandable to me and everyone else on this brilliant Forum. Yeh, a cold, hip worries haven't helped. Weakened you're strength and spirit. 4 Pancakes made you feel a bit icky? - Remember to only eat THREE next year then😉 All pretty harmless and natural ingredients really. Hip results screw up that you've had to chase up and turns out you shouldn't have needed to, so all unnecessary hassle! How Very frustrating.  ❤️>to the shared glass of fizz with your daughter🥂

Ref BC - Once you've finished treatments and physically healed from them all, the old "Time" factor really IS a big part of the after (Ha rhymes!). Took me 5 yrs, after being signed off from annual check ups for it to no longer often be at the front of my mind, not worry about any new pain ache etc. And I didn't have to go through all the nasty chemo, rads and hormone s**t you all have had to cope with. Just 2 big physical ops back in 2006/07 now. But it WILL and DOES get better and easier, lovey. In the meantime - keep using the Forum posting, or just reading . Keep openin up and offloading whatever your fears, worries, frustrations, struggles you've come up against (4 pancakes etc !). Hopefully have a giggle at Delly's daftness 🤔 or amaze at Michelle's delivering a blummin lamb?!! (What?!!!) with such a gorgeously joyous expression on her face (afterwards note!). 😀

Even with the Forum, Fleur, you'll all eventually reach a happier point where you stop using it, no longer need it's support, because you're happily getting on with life without it. Some of you may carry on, but because of a compassionate desire to BE supportive to other unfortunate lassies having to go through the same s**t you already have. (Or to just be annoyingly bonkers, like me 😆)     

Fleur and @amy46  - I'm always interested to read all the latest nutrition awareness brought about by the massive increase in cancer and other major diseases. Doesn't it make you (does me) think more about how much our diets/habits have changed so much with the advent of "processed" foods. Weren't around years ago, so our diet tended to be more healthy. Weren't full of preservatives, because people used to shop more for "immediate" eating, not keep sitting in the fridge for days and convenience. Weren't full of hormones, as in chicken/beef that cause men to develop boobs!! Or full of added unnatural E's for extra colour or flavour! (WHY? didn't used or need to be) Thankfully all much more strictly governed now (we hope). Even our tap water didn't have all the extra chemicals added to it that it does now, that the majority of us aren't even aware of. Nobody tells us what's in it, we just drink it and just take it for granted it's "safe" to drink. Not that it's full of field run off cattle hormones and crop fertiliser/anti fungal/weevil killer sprays. 

@Purpledaze  - My loving thoughts too will be with you today.❤️

Night night lovely Warriors Gals. xxXX💖XXxx 🤡       

[delly]

Helloooo Lovelies

Am I allowed back on here?? being the bonkers nutcase I am😆  Totally agree with you, but happy you know it's just a bit of fun. Employing @CT2021 as my accomplice in my jokey jape, just gave it an added extra. Told you I should be in Pantoooo. That's the cue for you all to shout out "Ohhhh No you shouldn't" !!

@Love running  - Ahhh ffflipp girl on your knee injury. What a pig. Can totally empathise, us both being previous cruciate lig reconstruction girls. Am hoping it hasn't caused any "serious" damage and either settles down and not the cruciate lig. and just need a little arthroscopy op/tweek to repair . Might be a tear to one of the cartilages. Used to be a Podiatrist, so needed to know all the leg joint structures in depth, and about repair ops etc.   

Not surprised you want a RANT, given it being on top of all else recently, so you rant away lovey. I chuckled at you saying your kids knew the Donkey joke punchline -because I only know kiddy-type jokes, being a BIG kid myself, as you're all realising 🤗

So ask them "What Do Frogs Wear On Their Feet"???

Am splitting up my post, girls xxXxx  

[gardengirl200]

@Love runningoh no!! That is so unfair and annoying. How bad is it .. will it keep you off the slopes all week?? I hope you can still enjoy some of the other good things about a skiing holiday. Some wine ( you are on holiday!) and good food?? What do the Scandinavians eat in place of tartiflette??  I hope you have a good book with you and can still get sone kind of holiday vibe going. 

I don’t really know why but I have had an emotional 24 hours. I am usually very upbeat as I realise I have (for my own sanity)  to try to believe that this cancer won’t come back but occasionally I go down a rabbit hole that make me see things totally differently. I had an X-ray last month on my sore hip which I wasn’t really worried about and, as I had not heard back from my GP, I had assumed all was fine. But I phoned up to double check and it turns out the GP had never got the results and told me to phone the hospital. I couldn’t get through to the hospital last night so I started to worry. For some reason this made me pull out the pathology report I got following my mastectomy- never a good idea - and started going over all the details again. I have no idea why I torture myself in this way. It’s like I’m desperate to see a new positive slant but it is what it is. It’s not going to miraculously change what it says! I only have 1 positive lymph node but it is extracapsular and I started reading articles last night about that. You know the type of article I mean, the academic/medical ones where everything is abbreviated and you have to read it 10 times to work out what it’s saying. But it got me very VERY upset and worried all over again. I ended up phoning my poor brother in Vancouver while he was at work and bawling down the phone for a good hour! Then today when I got through to the hospital they said the GP HAD been sent the X-ray results on 2/2. I phoned the GP and the receptionist found it on some data base but said she couldn’t give me the results, I had to wait for the GP to phone me. I worried about it all day struggling to work and feeling sorry for myself cos no one knows the stress we go through waiting for results. The dr eventually phoned at 5.50pm tonight by which time I was climbing the walls with worry.

However, the important thing is the X-ray on my hip was clear!! 🍾🍾🍾😅. And it was a good lesson to not get myself into the terrible state I was in yesterday as whilst I am well I should just appreciate that fact. But it’s not always that easy is it? And today is the anniversary of my diagnosis so maybe subconsciously that was making me a bit wobbly.

My daughter got her last Art School application off today so what with that, my clear X-ray, and the fact that I’ve made it to the one year anniversary, we had a glass of fizz each tonight in celebration.  

So I feel I’ve been my own worse enemy the last 24 hours . I’m going to put that pathology report and my cancer paperwork away and try to get back to my normal optimistic default position rather than torturing myself. And I realise the route cause of my low mood … I’ve got a bad cold and so have not been exercising and I made and ate 4 pancakes yesterday for Shrove Tuesday, so I was feeling a bit yucky because of that.  Yup self inflicted! 

I love reading all your posts even though I am sporadic in my own posts . But @CT2021 welcome to the group! 

fleur x 

[CT2021]

@Love running @don’t be too hard on yourself you have every right to be #*#+# off! Hope knee not too sore x

[CT2021]

@Purpledaze i’m so sorry to hear about your husband, I know we haven’t ‘spoken’ before but I’m thinking of you x

The stories of doing stuff outside BC is lovely to see! 

@amy46 my son is 10. He’s very sensitive and doesn’t like seeing his mummy like this but working on his resilience, what else can you do? Their school (little girl is 7) is fab and both got amazing teachers. He was back to school yesterday thank goodness! X

[Love running]

Good morning beautiful ladies,

Reading your lovely and hilarious posts just lifted my mood. I loved the jokes (my kids knew the answer of the three legged donkey 😀) and the pictures. What was supposed to be my first holidays without treatment or injuries turned into s🤬.

I had fun snowboarding and was feeling in the top of world. And then I slipped while walking (yes walking, not in the snowboard) on a icy patch and twisted my healthy knee. I have pain in the inside of the knee and guess it is my median collateral ligament that got a hit. So here I am!!!! Home while my family is out. I try to stay positive but I have just been so sad yesterday. 

I want to scream to the universe, god or kharma, please forget me now. I have given enough, haven’t I? then I think about Ukraine, and all the ones having it harder than me and I should feel fortunate. But I feel so sorry for myself. It just shattered my newly recovered confidence and it probably ruined all my running efforts. 

it will pass - c’est la vie!

[gardengirl200]

@Purpledaze 

Wishing you all the best today. I hope you have all the support you need and that it goes as well as it possibly can. 
fleur x 

[gardengirl200]

@amy46 I would be interested in the nutritional info you mention. Might you be able to copy me in to what you say to Michelle, or give me a summary on here? I’m ER pos but I’m guessing there is a lot of overlap re nutrition regardless of the type of BC?? The nutritional course I have just finished highlighted the importance of eating the rainbow .. 30 diff plant based foods a week.. esp green and cruciferous (sp?) veg every day, drinking lots of water, no processed food, eating ‘live’ food where we can re gut health, reducing meat, alcohol, and perhaps also cows milk, and eating a low GI diet so as to keep insulin levels stable and also to help keep weight off which is important. This plus exercise. Is it generally along the same lines?? 

[amy46]

@Purpledaze 

Just to say I keep thinking of you and will be holding you close to my heart tomorrow.  Xxx

[amy46]

@Michelle21 

Wow! What an amazing experience. You look so happy, I just love the photo. When I was a medical student I got to deliver some babies, heavily supervised by the midwives of course. The first one was a particular special experience and for a while I kept in touch with the family. A few years ago I got a letter with some photographs of the ‘baby’ - he had just turned 21!!! Such a thoughtful thing for his mum to do, but his it made me feel old too!!

I had my nutritionist appointment last week. I know you were interested so message me privately and perhaps I can call you as quite detailed and not convinced it’s relevant to everyone on here so don’t want to bore the socks off people.

@delly you are a nut case! 😂😂😂

@CT2021how is your son? Hope he’s back to school so you can rest up a bit. How old are your children? 

Sorry not to respond to everyone but sending love to you all xx

[delly]

The Punchline is??? . . . . .

W O N K E Y  of course!!!

I came back and edited in the answer later, knowing you often only receive the initial UNedited version in your email notifications. See, Delly's sneaky as well as daft/bonkers. Thanks for allowing me to egg you on for a giggle  xXx  

[delly]

Hi again, Lovely Warrior Ladies

You DO know I was only having a silly, daft teeease with you all yesterday, don't you? I don't reeeally think you're a "rotten lot", but I'm still NOT going to give you the punchline to my awful joke:- 

"What do you call a three legged Donkey"??? 😛

@CT2021  - How long do you think we should hold them off on the you know what?? Mmmm 🤔  I'm really pleased to hear you've been feeling more UP today. Hope it continues for you X 

Hope EVERYone else has also been okay today, and managed to enjoy something of this sparkling sunshine.

Lots of love to you ALL,  DoolallyDelly   xxX❤️❤️❤️Xxx 

[TicTok]

Michelle 21 wow I would love to do that they are beautiful 😁 … sorry you had a fall and glad you are on the mend xx

[CT2021]

@delly  You crack me up!

@amy46 really appreciate your detailed reply xx

Thanks to you all for your supportive words, means a lot. Feel a load better today and been out for a walk Im the sun. Went to get wound checked and is good but got a seroma so need to just keep an eye on it for now. Infection cleared up so that’s good. 

Done a bit of decluttering .. mainly comprising getting rid of kids tat straight into the bin without them seeing!

love and spring sunshine to all xxx

[delly]

Hi again everyone 

@CT2021  - HUH! I've just received private emails from EVERYone saying "Pleeease don't tell any MORE of your dreadful jokes, Delly"!!! Another HUH!   Well, just for that, CT2021, I AM going to everyone another of my awful jokes, and send only YOU the answer/punchline by private email. So tough (but healthy!) boobies to the others. The rotten lot! 😝  

"What do you call a three legged donkey"???

@TicTok  - Awww Yehh, our fellow birthday Triplet, Uncle Gordy. Thank You for your condolences.  And Yes of course you and I like the same things, being geographically distant twins bar a year, but now almost Siamese on the Forum, hey? 🤔

Yes, Derbyshire's Peak District IS a very beautiful.  I'm in Macclesfield, so right on the Derbyshire/Cheshire border - green scenic D'shire hills and valleys 15-20 mins walk away or lush green mostly flattish but wooded (and posher!) Chesh 15-20 walk int'other (northern speak) way. Just to bore you rotten lot further, Macc's was famous for producing Silk, due to it's ideal climate for growing Mulberry bushes to feed and breed the silkworms on, then spinning and weaving it and shipping down the towns canal eventually to Liverpool and out to sea. There you go, hey. For anyone interested in Pre- Raphaelite art, it has some lovely Edward Burne Jones stain glass windows in the town square church, and Arts and Crafts, Willy Morris windows in the nearby Gawsworth Hall's little chapel. Hall's privately owned but open to the public and well worth a visit. Plus also has a brill small open air theatre in the grounds there during the Summer to take a picnic (avec une bouteille froid, mais bien sur mes amis❤️) before, interval or apres plays/concerts/shows. Capesthorne and Chatsworth Halls also nearby.

Have you ever visited the old spa town, Buxton on your visits TicTok? That's interesting for a day trip and a guided tour of a must.

@Michelle21- Just caught your post and pic before posting mine. Glad you're feeling better from your nasty fall.  Ohhhh-oooo - What a fantastic experience to see and actually deliver one yourself, AND have one named after you to boot. Look at the pure joy on your face!! X

Now I'm reeally envious, as well as upset by everyone's Joke Jibing, so am signing off to email CT2021 the Donkey punchline (hahahaaaa 😝 Yeh, I know, I should be in Pantoooo)

Byeeeeeeeee   with only one stingey, tiny kiss >> x   HUH!

Ps. What was the 3rd lamb named, Michelle?? I've just noticed 2 pretty pink Anemonies (or An-enema's!) out in one of my garden pots from last years planting - corr, warm sunny Macclesfield, Just gonna change out of my bikini before that email. >> x     

[Michelle21]

@Purpledaze  it was lovely to hear from you and that our chatter on hear is helping you in a small way at this horrible time. It’s good to hear you have good support and that you are getting out to run a little. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope it goes as well as it can, sending you lots of love x

@delly So sorry to hear about your uncle he was obviously very dear to you. The hummingbird pictures are beautiful. I got to deliver a beautiful little boy lamb this morning. I’ll post a pic. 

@CT2021 i hope you are feeling better. 

@amy46 its good to hear you are less consumed by BC. That holiday really has done you the world of good. Do you have another one booked? I am also thinking little less about BC although still having chemo so a little harder to put it behind me. I am halfway through now 🤞it has done its job. 

@Sammy73 How exciting that your new business and life are moving on, all be it slowly! So much to look forward to. A

@TicTok Enjoy the planning of your anniversary trip and your trip at the end of March.

@Love running  I hope you are well and have had time to absorb your good results. 

The problem with replying to everyone like this is the worry that you have missed someone out! Hopefully I haven’t, and if I have then sending you my love too. 
I went for a great run this morning, managed 10k and felt good unlike last week when I had a bad fall and bruised my knees and hands and on a separate run just felt really bad, like I was running through quick sand! 
After my run I had a call from my neighbour and witnessed a lamb being born. It was triplets and one had already arrived so my neighbour let me deliver the third one. It was absolutely amazing and he was totally gorgeous! 

 The darker one is a little girl, we named her Michelle! The whiter one is a little boy who we named Johnny after Johnny Depp in pirates of the Caribbean because he had a dark circle under one of his eyes! 
Today has been a good day! Xx

[TicTok]

Amy46… your holiday sounds amazing ,  glad you had a lovey time and managed to put the c word well out of your mind . I went back to work Tuesday without my wig I felt weird but I have to do it, it’s really dark where as before I had always had blond highlights going to get my frizzy bits cut off tomorrow .

purpledaze … your husband does sound amazing and I am glad you have had good support I will be thinking of you on Thursday .

love running…love the look of the flat in Scandinavia 😁 we will do a late booking for ours I think depending how the next few go with this war that’s going off , we have a week in Suffolk in march so that will be nice .

michelle 21 …your camper van looks very cosy I am sure you spend some very happy holidays in there 😁.

Delly my birthday day buddie so sorry for the loss of your lovely uncle 😟such a sad time for you …. Love those pictures we seem to like the same things I think Cuba is definitely worth checking out and also we have had many happy weekends walking the Derbyshire hills Castleton and mam tor we took Kai up there last year and he loved it .

love to all you ladies xx

[amy46]

@CT2021 

I have been exactly where you are. I remember a weekend when I got myself in such a state Googling about LVI. Everything I looked at made me feel worse. I was searching for something, anything to say that it didn’t matter. It’s a horrible horrible feeling and only one you can really understand if you have been there. I asked my oncologist about LVI - it is quite common but if it was a significant prognostic indicator it would be part of the NHS predict calculator. I have also found the oncologists don’t always want to discuss things with me. I am a doctor myself and have a lot of questions. I think they are mostly used to patients who just accept what they are told.

I don’t think I can really say anything to help at the moment other than I really promise this awful feeling will pass. Try not to fight too much against it. I kept trying to ‘pull myself out of it’ but it never worked and just made me feel worse. These days will pass. Last week I had days when there were hours when I didn’t think about breast cancer. Before it was there in my mind pretty much all the time. I never thought I’d get to the point when I wasn’t thinking about it constantly. Take care xxx

[delly]

Hello Flowers

Forgive me, but I do get very "passionately" carried away sometimes 🤔 Thank you all for your sympathetic messages.

@Sammy73  - After my last post last night, I made a point of reading back through the thread, to yours of your exciting "Gite business" venture, so was going to specifically ask where you were up to with it all, next time I came on. But you obviously caught my thoughts, "pre-empted" me asking, and have now updated us on where you're now up to.

How frustrating for you, being all revved up to JFDI (< Just Fflllipppin Do It), wanting to forge ahead, and all sorts of "red tape" formalities, having to be patient and now just wait on. But Corrrrr, what a bold, brave and  E X C I T I N G  venture, girl!!!! 😃 

@CT2021 - Think I may have said to you, on another thread, how horrible a time you've had of it all, the nasty infection complications you've had to deal/cope with on top of your BC (stands for Bl**dy Crap!) diagnosis, your OP, and now more of the ongoing "W" word to find out more. Pleeease do try (I hope) n keep yourself more up, sweetie. Pull out any helpful stops you can, however daft! Otherwise I'm gonna havta resort to ("threaten" you with) my well known, groaningly silly Xmas Cracker jokes. Such as:- "Why do Giraffes have loong necks" ??? 

"Because their feet SMELL"!!!! 🤣   Don't get me started on more. I heard those "Arrrgh, Nooo" groans girls.

Here's some lovely pics for @TicTok, of just one of the things to see in Cuba, and ALL of us to enjoy.

Incredibly beautiful little things. Such a JOY to look at. 

DoolallierByTheDayDelly xxX❤️💖❤️Xxx

[CT2021]

Hi Ladies 

Thanks for your welcome and kind messages. 

i had a terrible night and was hoping to stay in bed all day .. slight hiccup now is my son is off school as sick yesterday. It was half term last week so was looking forward to my cherubs going back to school (not that I have not enjoyed seeing them but let’s face it, Easter here before we know it!).

@Michelle21 @amy46 think supposed to be seeing onc on 11th but hoping BCN will ring before then. Last night I was  worrying about lymph nodes and vascular invasion … really stressing myself out. They have only ever said one node involved and the couple of MRI scans I have had during treatment talk about about ‘reduction in bulk of right auxiliary node’. Don’t think ever got a definitive answer to whether could see anymore infected nodes - think BCN once said Radiographer didn’t comment on number of nodes affected in MRI as ‘didn’t see fit to’ or words to that effect (thought well id like to know). Anyway think just left it in the end as know can be too small to see on scans anyway. I was just interested if more were picked up on MRI like was the case with a bigger breast lump, not seen on ultrasound but picked up on MRI. When I mentioned vascular invasion onc didn’t really say much and think he was surprised I was asking … sometimes find them a bit patronising though think they are trying to say not to worry but that doesn’t work, would rather they try to explain stuff. 

Sorry not been very cheerful … infection site still sore and find it impossible to get comfortable. Just want this 💩 show over 😖 xxxx