MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

[Michelle21]

@tiktoc what a shame about you holiday, but the world is a big place. Have you thought of Asia? Malaysia is beautiful with beach and mountains. I’m sure you will find somewhere equally enjoyable as Abu Dhabi would have been. Congratulations to your grandson for player of the week, we have just watched the Rooney documentary who knows your grandson could be a future Rooney (without the bad behaviour!)

@Love running thanks for answering my running questions. It’s surprising how much better I feel about myself knowing that breathing like a truck is ‘normal’ for now. I have just started to think about how good it will be to finish chemo. I will be halfway when I finish this course. Our trip to Sweden is on! We are just trying to firm up dates and whether we take the ferry or tunnel to France. I am so excited.
The camper van should have had the heater and hit water fitted by next week so we will then add our decoration and I will take some photos to show you all. 
 @Purpledaze  thinking of you everyday. 

I hope everyone else is doing ok. X

[Love running]

@TicTok 

Just wanted to say 'Cute and cool kid!'. 

Player of the week - that's big. We will keep an eye on him for the future European championships 😜

[delly]

@Purpledaze - Hi again, Barbara, darlin. 

We don't know each other, and "words" are often inadequate at such a terribly upsetting time.

But, if I was standing next to you, right now, I would give you the most GINORMOUS, and LOOONG HUG. 

I am however, Sending Lots of love through the "ether" to you again,    Delly X❤️X

[amy46]

Purpledaze I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you and I can’t even start to imagine how you are feeling right now, but I echo the others when I say you are in my thoughts and I’m sending love and support in your direction xxx

[TicTok]

Purpledaze … so sorry to here about your husband …. I can’t imagine what you are going through either … lots of love and hugs and deepest sympathy to you and your family xx

[Love running]

@Purpledaze Dear Barbara

While we were carrying on with our lives, you went through the worst. I am so sorry and sad to hear that your husband did not get the chance we have to carry on. 

I can't even imagine what you are going through. Life has challenged you enough and I hope you will get a break now. All my love, strength and thoughts are with you to push through these dark times 🖤. 

I am here too if you need me.

[Sammy73]

@Purpledaze I am truly so sorry that your husband has passed, I lost my husband due to bowel cancer over 5 years ago now but I know where you are at. Everyone carries on with the life they have and yours has changed forever. You will make it through you are strong and will get stronger and stronger. Keep the right people close, you will soon work out you don't need anymore stress around you. Honestly if you want to talk privately I'm here. Much love and strength to you ❤ 

[Michelle21]

Barbara I am so so sorry to hear the sad news of the loss of your husband. This must be such a difficult time for you especially after all you have been through yourself. Remember we are all here for you if ever you want to chat. I found everyone here so kind when I lost my mum last June.  Thinking of you xx

[delly]

Oh @Purpledaze 

I am sooo very sorry to hear your sad news.

My sincere and heartfelt sympathy to you, at such an upsetting time.   

Delly ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[Purpledaze]

Hello everyone

I haven't written on this forum for some time because my husband's condition became much worse and sadly he died just over 2 weeks' ago.  It has been incredibly hard... I have good support from family & friends, which is helping me to get through these very dark times.

I find being outdoors is where I feel best, and have started running most mornings. This helps to keep me sane!

I think of you often, and take strength from your funny, thoughtful and brave approaches to life and cancer.

Xx

[TicTok]

 

Gardengirl … loving the hair you look so relaxed …. Lovely photo , mine is very dark but it’s really strange for me as I have always had blond highlights I have been out twice without my wig but it’s still a bit short at the front . 
Going to see how the next few weeks go with the covid testing then we will see what we do with the holiday . 
love running …Kai my grandson was really happy to see Boris blown up in his terms as he likes aeroplanes and my husband explained   It in different bombing terms that he understood 💙…..we take him football every weekend and he won player of the week today 

I am so proud of him .

love to you all xx 

[Love running]

And thank you all for saying you like my running posts on Instagram😊. I do feel silly sometimes doing them and I probably won't have the time when I start working again. But for now it is me without filter.

I return the compliment as it is nice to follow you back and see you moving on with your life and to see that we are real people with regular lives and we are not only our diagnose.

[Love running]

@amy46 It is nice to hear that you have found some strategies to help you cope with the dark moments and that you are on a high. I like the visualisation technique you shared, I guess I do the same somehow with my holiday plans for the months to come. I project myself in a future where I will do all these things and there is no place for cancer.

It is a cycle and we will go around and around. I have these moments of euphoria when I am exalted that I can do this or that (running 10 km, stay awake after 10:00 pm, sleep a full night, going grocery shopping without feeling exhausted afterwards...), when I tell myself that if I manage this, I can do anything.... 

Being a paediatrician anaesthetist must be so stressful, there is so much responsibility put on you. I understand that you might need to take another path or approach to your job or career, whether it is a life change or just temporarily. I like the progress that 'Western' medicine brings to the table but I also like to holistic approach to complement it and the way of breathing, stretching and meditating that the Eastern medicine brings. If anything this journey showed me that while the medication per se did its part for the cancer, I used a lot of alternative approach to cope with pain and the side effects. Exercising was one of them. I am sure you will find your way in your next career move. As you said, you are not in a hurry. 

I have got my appointment for the mammogram, unfortunately not before 25th of February (the day before we leave for our skiing holiday). In 2 weeks. Although I feel that it is in a lifetime, I also try to calm myself down thinking that if the doctor would be worried I would have got an earlier appointment. Just fingers crossed that i can go skiing with a good news and not been crushed.

[gardengirl200]

@Love running @Sounding like a truck🤣🤣 That made me laugh! 

[gardengirl200]

Sorry to hear about your holiday @TicTok ; such a shame but you do not want the worry. I hope you can get a relaxing break closer to home. 

I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your daughter can be tricky. I can only imagine the stress and heartache that must have caused you. Yes, sensible choice of men / partner is everything I think.  But how wonderful that you have such a close relationship with your grandson.  Not all grandparents are hands on but I’m sure it pays dividends. 

@Amy I’ve been thinking about your job and what a responsibility it must be. The ultimate I guess. Obs you must be very clever and capable 😀 but still the day to day responsibility must take its toll. Have you enjoyed the break from it, even though the break is for the wrong reason? 
Just about the first thought I had when I was diagnosed was ‘ good, now I can get a break from work’ 🤣. A little bit revealing! It’s not just the work is it, it’s trying to juggle everything else too. Never enough hours in the day. I would defy retire if I was still married. 

@loverunning, thanks re hair. Yes, short hair is a bit of a revelation to me. Somehow I feel people give you more respect!? Am I imagining that? Think maybe I’ve hidden behind long hair for a long time! anyway, it’s certainly easier/ cheaper. 

@Michelle, yes I watched the rugby. Scotland came so close but it was a good match. Welsh captain so emotional at end. 😍I’m about to watch the England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 v Italy 🇮🇹. Just trying to work out who to support 😜.

Actually I will of course support  England. And they need a boost after last week🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿  😊😜.  It was great that Scotland won because it happens so rarely! 
xx 

[Love running]

@TicTok I am so sorry for your trip. I hope you can find another fun destination to celebrate these 40 years. May be to the Caribbean as you initially suggested your heart lies😉

´Famille je vous aime, famille je vous hais´ as we say in French. Families are hard, as we have read in this forum. We all have loving families but also families with issues. It is nice that you have a good relationship with your step son and you can daily met your grandson. This is the most important. He has a loving grandma that is also a superhero (he probably knows that) that is kicking the behind of cancer.

Who knows your daughter might come to her senses at some point and drop the bad relationships. I would like to say she is only 35, so there is time. Keep faith. 

[Love running]

@Michelle21 

Well done for running 8 miles. It does not matter how slow you are, only the steps matter. You did 8 miles!!!!💙🏆

I am far far from my top shape but just the fact that I can run, fills me with joy. 

Regarding the breathing, I had it exactly like you, very very heavy breathing the whole time through chemo and my breathing is not yet fully back. I often walked up the hills as I could not run them. 

People could hear me coming from far and not because of my foot steps but really my breathing. I sounded as a truck. I must have been quite a sight with my bald head under my caps, my arm sock on the PICC line, the heavy breathing and sometimes crying while running 😂. 

I also can see when I have a hard time breathing while running on my Garmin watch (a gadget I gifted myself when I run my first and only 30 km trail in Septembre 2019). It registers my breathing and whether I run aerobically or anaerobically. During chemo, I always run half aerobically or half anaerobically and now it is getting better and I run mostly aerobically (3/4aerobically or 1/4 anaerobically). 

Keep on running 💪

[Love running]

@gardengirl200 I love your hair colour. Silver is the new blond I read somewhere. I like this picture, you look very chilled. We can see that you have had a good day on the slopes.

I am darker than in my memories... but there is some silver lining in there too. My hair has grown quite a bit and my husband is actually trying to convince me to cut them even again. He really likes the short hair. When we met, I had very short hair. It feels good to not have the pressure.

[TicTok]

Michelle21 …we have cancelled the holiday due to the government web sight saying there is unrest over there with people  firing missiles into Abu Dhabi from and there has been people killed from the west, so we didn’t fancy that . 
regards my daughter things have been better since my diagnosis as I said no more stress our beautiful grandson has lived  with his dad for the last 3 years and we have him before and after school every day and she comes to see him most weeks  he is nearly 8 he has got me through the last year . Unfortunately she is attracted to losers but she is nearly 35 now and I can’t see anything changing anytime soon 😞xx

[Michelle21]

@Love running @I’m so sorry you have found a lump, something else to worry about no matter how hard you try to push it to the back of your mind. I am hoping it is a cyst like your doctor said and then you can continue on having grown a little bit stronger. 🤞 for quick results.
Barbara, when you ran on chemo how was your breathing? I’m finding mine can be really laboured especially on hills, is this normal? Having said that I managed an 8mile race last Sunday. The course was completely flat and I was incredibly slow but I ran the whole way, so am very pleased with my achievement. 

Your snow board trip will be amazing and great family time. I’m sure it will help you and you family get a bit of normality back to life. Have a great time. 

@amy46  I like your visualisation idea of picturing grandchildren and your children’s weddings, it is something I am going to try.

It sounds like your running is improving, well done and keep at it. 

It is no surprise you are evaluating your life and career this experience certainly shakes things up a bit. I hope in time you come up with something that will give you happiness and Satisfaction. 

@gardengirl200  I’ve just sat down to ‘the flower of Scotland’ today we are rivals! 😂 In actual fact I am English but have lived here so long I always support Wales in the Rugby! Have you ever been down to Cardiff for a match day? We picked up our eldest from town last night and there were lots of kilts walking around some looking better than others! 

Talking of daughters what you described with yours sounds very familiar! I have two, 23 & 22 and I can say those tensions do get less and less but still occur. I have a great relationship with both of our girls but sometimes I manage to upset or annoy them and I’m left wondering what I’d done! I think it will take for them to have their own teenage children to realise we aren’t intending to upset them. Of course by the time they have their own teens they’ll probably be taking us to the toilet and feeding us mashed food 👵🏻 😂 Love your hair and love the colour! Mine is still brown with patchy gray bits! 

@Sammy73 hope everything is running smoothly with your French plans. 
@TicTok sorry to hear you don’t have a great relationship with your daughter. I hope she has been kind to you over the last year. Belated happy birthday for January. 
Have a great weekend everyone! X

[gardengirl200]

White hair 😑 

[gardengirl200]

@amy46 we had a lovely week thank you. Really lucky with the weather again and our hotel was fantastic. It was just what I needed; half board so no cooking, a lovely spa which I made it to a few times,  with time for a massage, and some gentle skiing. La Rosiere is not big, so we didn’t feel under pressure to do too much. The day I skid the most was the day I was in tears at dinner. Sometimes I think we are more tired than we realise. And Kate and I seemed to relax into the holiday and got on better the rest of the week ( although she did a couple of mornings boarding lessons with ESF, and maybe the break did us both good! 😌

we are sitting in the runway at Chambery. I’m going to miss France! The weather, the food, the wine…. 

I am coming home with good intentions to eat really well, up the exercise and not get stressed at work. I’m considering it a project of sorts … project ‘me’ if that doesn’t sound selfish, but obs we need to prioritise our health now, for the good of everyone. 

That is wonderful you have booked a holiday. A week relaxing in the warmth sounds just what you need. I think having a holiday gives a bit of perpspectivr on the 9-5 and helps to decide what needs to be tweaked. That sounds really interesting that you are thinking about different options with your job. I guess we have had the customer experience of the NHS and whilst I have no real complaints I do feel there is room for a more ‘rounded’ approach to treatment. Treating the person and not just the body. 

I follow Liz Oriordon ( I’ve spelt that wrong!) on Instagram, author of complete guide to BC, and she was a surgeon who then got BC. She says she never really ‘got’ what it was like to have breast cancer until she had it herself but she now puts alot of effort into helping others deal with it. Maybe you follow her too? 

Im loving @Love running instagrams too. I’m very envious of the colour of your hair Barbara. Mine had grown in white!! 😱

Have a fab holiday Amy, and Barbara  think you are heading off soon too? 

love to all xx 

[amy46]

@Love running my snowboard also genuine retro! I love it but maybe I could be a better boarder on a new one, there’s a thought 😂

more maybe I retire gracefully. I was so upset when I took my running tumble god knows how I’d cope with a broken bone. Just still feeling a little fragile for now x

[amy46]

@Love running I am enjoying your posts on Instagram. Your hair has grown so much!!

I am proud of myself as I have done a short run 4 out of 5 days of rads these last two weeks. I read somewhere that exercise during radiotherapy is beneficial in reducing damage to healthy tissue so it was another thing where I could try and take back control. I am putting together a play list for my running and the Troll song is right up the top! 
I have been trying a visualisation technique during radiotherapy- whenever a negative or scary thought arises I try and squash it with a vision of something good in my distant future. Watching my children get married, seeing a grand child for the first time or walking on the beach with my husband as two little oldies together. 
I have felt a lot better mentally these past few days. Does anyone else get that almost manic excited feeling when they have felt really low but then feel better? What I don’t much like is knowing I will likely go back to that very dark place again as this road to recovery is not a straight one but two steps forward one step back. 
I have been listening to some blogs and doing some meditation which I find helpful. I think I have lived a long time with low level anxiety punctuated by periods of high stress. Being a paediatrician anaesthetist is not an easy job but making everyone in the team believe you have everything under control at all times takes its toll. Some little ideas are starting to form about what else I might like to do. I still want to be in a role that helps people, but I’ve always been slightly unusual for a western medical doctor in terms of my interest in complementary therapies, and this experience makes me wonder if I need to move towards something more holistic. Anyway. No hurry. One more week of radiotherapy then a week in the sunshine to look forward to.

I am thinking of you @Love running and hoping you get your scan quickly so you can breath a sigh of relief x

@gardengirl200 how has the rest of your week skiing been?? Xx 

[Love running]

@amy46 I was meant to write back to you regarding running and routes.

During the whole time of treatment, I did not dare going too far either.I always had my phone with me and I always picked a round where they were people in case I would need. I am lucky that I live next to a forest and a lake. The lake is around 4.5 km. This way I knew that if I could not run or something would happen I would not be too far from home and there would always be someone to help me.

Since then, I am more adventurous and go further in the forest. The nice thing with running trails in the forest is that it is slow as you need to find your way. In the winter, I need to take the car to get to the place where I do my night trail run. But in the summer, I will go by bike as it is only 5 km away.

Tomorrow I will have a short and slow run with a friend that recovers from Covid-19. 

PS: Still waiting for my referral for the mammogram and the ultrasound. 

[TicTok]

Garden girl …. Don’t get me started on teenagers … my daughter was horrible got in with the wrong crowd and it went badly wrong  for a long time caused me so much trouble and stress  …. I am sure someone swapped babies in hospital and to be honest she hasn’t been much better since….. enjoy the rest of your holiday xx

loverunning …. So sorry you are having to deal with more crap and worry , most likely a cyst sending you hugs and very best wishes xxx

[Love running]

@gardengirl200 Thanks for the kind and wise words. You are so right! No need to get myself wired up for something I can't control or influence. One day at the time 

Today I had lunch with a friend and colleague. It was so nice as I will soon return to work and meeting my wonderful colleague made me long for it. At the lunch place we went, there was a non alcoholic beer called 'Don't worry'. I saw it as a sign and I had a beer for lunch!!!! OK no alcoholic... but it was what I needed😂

The only worry today was that Sweden has lifted all restrictions (we did not have many) and this meant that all the cafes and restaurants put back all their tables out again and it felt really crowded everywhere. Number of cases are still on the high... I don't want to and I can't have covid now, because we are going for a skiing holiday in 2 weeks and 1/2... 

Also, today I treated myself a new snowboard (@amy46). My husband insisted that I deserved it after the last two years of h... And my snowboard was 22 years old and technology has made huge progress. So it probably would be better to change especially I am coming back after my ACL surgery and 5 years not snowboarding but skiing (went back to skiing for my kids, to be able to share the lifts with them... in Sweden, almost no sit lift only anchor lifts). Apparently technology has evolved or so I was told by the shop assistant who could have been my son (and looked like the actor playing Jackson in Greys anatomy). Very knowledgeable and professional but I felt so out of place in this tiny store where all the cool kids are hanging around with their skateboard or snowboard. When I started snowboarding, these guys were not even born. 

@amy46my adventurous years are behind me but I intend to Sunday cruise on my new board and just enjoy. No half pipe for me, actually never did it. I wish I could go to Val Thorens, the skiing or the snow trekking there is unbelievable. 

Overall, it was a good day and I hope that I will finish it by running with my gang of ladies in the dark in the forest with our frontal lamps.

[amy46]

@gardengirl200 

I can totally imagine the scene and see myself doing similar. You’ve been through so much, it’s hardly surprising. Not easy dealing with teenage daughters at the best of times, I feel your pain with that too 😳

The skiing sounds amazing. We are going to Val Thoren at Easter but I’m not sure yet if I’ll snowboard. I’ve never been particularly confident and although I love it I also get quite nervous. I’m thinking of moving to mountain walks instead. 
I listened to an interesting podcast yesterday. A doctor who was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer at 28 who went onto complete remission. She said that after her diagnosis she’d stayed up all night thinking this is it, this is my life. She came to the conclusion that only two things matter in the end. Have I loved and been loved enough? And has the world been a better place for having me in it? This really struck a cord with me. I’ve been so low recently and it just somehow made me look up from my misery and wrap myself in loving my family and trying to look outside of my little box.

Hoping last nights meal was less eventful for you and that you get another bluebird today xxx

[amy46]

@Love running 

I am really sorry you have this additional worry. I’m sure it will be nothing but it won’t feel very nice until you know for sure. Sometimes it helps me when I look back at all the things I have worried about which did not end up happening. Sickness, mouth ulcers, peripheral neuropathy were all things I worried a lot about but they never happened. I wish I could say more. I don’t have your way with words, but know that I am thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes in your direction.

I am enjoying your running posts on Instagram. It’s making me think I could be more adventurous with my routes. I plod around the same one all

the time as it is easy and I don’t have to drive to it but it would be nice to try something different. 
I have got my son’s covid pass sorted so as long as no one gets covid we are off to Spain!! Xx

[gardengirl200]

@Love running Thank you for your kind message. 
It is good that you are checking your body and yes very likely a cyst than anything else. Try not to worry. As you say, we have lost our ‘innocence’ ; we will never take our health for granted and from now on we will mostly either be worrying about telling a dr about an ache or lump, waiting for a scan for an ache or lump or waiting for the results of a scan for an ache or lump! I think that will kind of be our life now so I’m trying to just go with it, get each matter checked out as they arise but to try to keep my worry in check as otherwise we might be freaking out all the time!! I know it is easier said than done. We all know that. We understand.  The whole worry thing is frankly shit. I hope u r getting ur mammogram quickly as it just puts your mind at rest as soon as possible. Let us know how u get on obviously. Big hug xx 

[Love running]

Good for you @amy46. This holiday in Fueterventura is precisely what you need after radiotherapy. Change of scenery, good food, quality family time and may be walks or runs on the beach... Everyday brings you closer to this holiday. 

I understand you about surveillance. I feel the same here although I don't have TNBC and the increased risk of recurrence you have. Now that I am undergoing hormonal treatment I have small pains everywhere (headaches, joint etc) which I have been told is normal. But often I am asking myself what is normal and what will be a pain that is suddenly a symptom? 

I am trying building resilience everyday and as I wrote to Fleur, I am now waiting for a mammogram and ultrasound for a small mass in my healthy I found that is probably a cyst. It is not easy but I try to not freak out. 

[Love running]

Fleur,

Tartiflette, blue sky, empty slopes, Italian and French Alps... 😋😋 OMG I am dreaming. Top it off with 2 glasses of Crémant de Savoie (it is indeed like Prosecco or Champagne, it is just that you can't call it champagne as it comes from another area. Where I come from we drink Crémant d'Alsace). This is close to paradise.

I wish I could keep your company at the diner table tonight. Not only for the tartiflette, but the moral support of going back to a place where you end being emotionally vulnerable. I am so pissed off with the French waiter, because this happens very often in France. They are very unaware (and even careless) of food intolerance and allergy. not even talking about asking vegetarian option. I have a friend been served a salad with fried bacon (lardons) as a vegetarian option. When she pointed out that bacon is meat and therefore the salad is not vegetarian, the waiter told her to just remove the bacon and voilà. I find it appropriate that the waiter was mortified and I hope he will take better care of you tonight and may be even offer you a little extra crémant for the trouble.

I too am on the edge of crying very often. I cried on the World Cancer Day on and off the whole day because I just did not want to be a data point in this big cancer database and cancer world. I wanted my innocence back. I cry when I enter the hospital department where I got chemo, because I can forget the smell of it. 

I don't have a 17 years old but a 13 years old and she has started to be moody and at times, just want to be left alone and not interact with me at all. She rolls the eyes and puffs to anything I say or do, and I feel a total moron. I guess it is normal. Although I believe I am cool, I need to accept I am not as cool... But let's keep irritating them because we also care so much and we want to be part of their lives and in few years they will be happy we did care, irritate them and wanted to be part of their lives. And beside my 13 years old, I have a 9 year old soon to be 18 and she is even tougher. Not looking forward to her real teens years.

For your run, don't stress and just enjoy it. A walk run is as good and fun as a full run. And it gives you the opportunities to chat with your old friends. 

Speaking of being strong, today I tested my resilience today. I went to a control to check my breast because I thought I felt a lump in my healthy breast. I thought I might be overreacting. The doctor said that indeed there is something but likely a cyst and she would order a mammogram and ultrasound. I just broke down because on Thursday it will be exactly 1 year ago day for day that I did my mammogram and biopsies that sent me on this unwanted journey. She tried to be reinsuring but until I get the results I am sort of freaking out. Anyway there is nothing I can do but wait. 

I wish you have a fantastic dinner tonight. 

[gardengirl200]

@Love running  I know your motivational message was meant for Amy but I’m taking some of it too if that’s all right! ☺️It is good to remind ourselves when we are feeling a bit weepy ( as I do from time to time perhaps thanks to life… perhaps thanks to Tamoxifen) that we are strong. I honestly think I am stronger than many of my friends and I mean physically as well as mentally. It’s because we have been tested far more and have had to build the strength. Frankly what other option do we have. It’s a cliche but it’s true: We cannot control what happens to us in life but we can control how we deal with it. 

I have had the most wonderful blue sky day in the Alps. Perfect snow conditions. We skied over the border into Italy and it was so quiet. Sometimes we were the only 2 people on the run. I am now sitting having a Cremant de Savoie ( Barbara is this France’s equivalent of Prosecco?) while my daughter is in the bath.  

But don’t get me wrong, it’s not all plain sailing. Obviously I seem to irritate my 17 year old daughter very easily ( I’m hoping anyone who has or has had teenage daughters will reassure me that’s normal!) and the two of us here without a break from each other has had its tricky moments. I felt I couldn’t do or do anything right last night and she was very grumpy at dinner. I am coeliac ( which is bloody annoying especially in France) and the waiter gave me what he assured me was gluten free bread with my soup and then as I was half way through it a waitress came over and said it wasn’t gluten free. It’s not that big a deal but gluten makes me anaemic and also I worry there is a link to not absorbing other nutrients so, post cancer,  I’m trying to be careful. What with that and my daughter’s mood I just started to cry in the restaurant and I couldn’t stop! The waiter was mortified; I was mortified. I think I had skied too hard and also perhaps it was just a release of all the tension I have been carrying around re cancer and re going back to work. Anyway, I hardly knew myself. Has anyone else had moments like that? So we are in the same restaurant tonight so I had better not come across as a complete mad woman tonight! 

@delly thank you so much for all the bra shop recommendations. I’m in Scotland which has no specialist shops so I’m relying on online  - I use both Nicola Jane and Ameona. Had it not been for COVID I might well have travelled. I’ve spent a small fortune on bras and prosthetics and I am going to try to make good with what I have just now. 

I have booked myself into a 10k run in Callander, the village I was brought up in, it’s about 5 k too long for me and it’s in March which is a bit soon but it’s with old school friends so I just think it will be fun regardless. So once I’m back from skiing I will get back out training. My burstitis is loads better. I think skiing has helped it. 
No physical after effects of my run with Ellis, my ex. Although it was very unsettling. But I will save you from all that chat! 
Have to go as Tartiflette awaits! 

love to all xx 

[TicTok]

Deli ….good morning , not far off  lol I was 62 in January ….I don’t feel old until I write down 😀xx

[delly]

Hi Brave Ladies

Am dropping calling you "Warrior" Women, after just recently reading a fellow long term postee supporter saying she'd slap anyone else referring to her as a "warrior" 😯 And no, it wasn't me.

Just another quickie from me.

@Love running  - Sorry flower, ref your lost loong post, I meant if you pressed reply again "soon" after losing a post. Didn't make that clear, did I. Good to see you back on, and that your noted absence wasn't due to anything untoward, and why I was asking after you-hoo. But that of being busy and looking after yourself ❤️

@TicTok  - Congratulations from me too, on your 40th anniversary. Still on the "shared birthday buddy" front; this year was no. 63 for me. I'm just intrigued as to what no. birthday it was for you, given you've been married for 40?? Am deducing you're a "similar" age. Surely not the same age as me too as well as our same birthday date?? That would be too much of a coincidence, and make us 🤔 . . . distant unrelated TWINS!! 😆

Lots of love to everyone   xX❤️Xx

[TicTok]

Deli … I totally agree 😁❤️Xx

amy 46 sorry you are struggling with the radiotherapy 😟I hope it gets easier as you move forward I am dreading it although it’s only 5 days for some reason , nice to have that lovely holiday to look forward to though even better next to a bakery  ….. I know we get a mammogram every year but the worry is it don’t always come back in the breast does it which is always on my mind .

michelle 21 … I totally agree with love running you are a very wise woman .

loverunning ….41 years in march seams like a lifetime ago I was 21 then …. Where have all Those years gone .
garden girl ….I hope you have had a lovely weekend skiing .

Take care every one xx

[amy46]

@Love running

yes, 5 down 10 to go.  I just didn’t imagine I would find the radiotherapy so hard psychologically. I guess it’s just in my face all the time at the moment. Daily trips to the hospital make it hard to focus on anything else. I also saw my oncologist on Friday and that always fills me with dread! We talked a bit about surveillance and I was asking about tumour markers and scans. They don’t seem very keen but I feel with my type of TNBC when the greatest risk of recurrence is in the first few years I don’t want to wait until I have symptoms to know it’s come back. 
I am really hoping that once the radiotherapy is finished I’ll be able to look up, take a breath and start to move forwards. I honestly thought this bit would be a breeze compared to chemo but so far it’s been just as hard. 
And so I took a tip from you travel fans and booked a holiday! As long as I can get my son’s covid pass sorted (that’s a whole other nightmare 😳) we are going to Fueterventura for a week the day after I finish rads. I’ve booked an Air bnb on the beach. It’s near a French bakery so I will think of you when I eat my morning croissant! I just need to survive these next two weeks and then hopefully a change of scene will bring a new perspective. Then after that I need to build up to being able to run ten km with you ladies in May. 😳😊

Xxx

[Love running]

@Michelle21 

I so agree with what Fleur said about you, about how patient, caring and kind you are with us all. You always find the right words to comfort us and take the time to answer our questions.

I admire you for your way of dealing everything with philosophy. You are a wise woman. 

Thank you

[Love running]

@amy46 

By now, you must have nailed your first week of radiotherapy. 5 down only 10 to go. 

I feel your pain about radiotherapy. It is a very vulnerable position to be. Not sure if you can trick your brain and mind to focus on the end of the road and the end price. Like a marathon (Never did a marathon, only a half, so I don't know what i am talking about, just quoting 😂)... so it is like a race, it is always the last kilometres that are the hardest, it is when you need to gather all your strengths to cross the finish line. When you do cross the finish line, you will be tired but so proud of yourself. It is not so long anymore. You are almost there and you went through chemo, you can do it. 

I am so happy to read that you managed more run walk and that it made you feel better. This shows that you still have it in you and you too are a strong lady. Never doubt yourself. You are strong!

Every step, every drop of sweat count, no matter the distance or the time. Don't compare yourself with before cancer but to one day before, one week ago or a month ago... I promise when you are done, you will regain every day slowly your strengths. I am far far from the shape and the fitness I had pre cancer but I am so proud of myself that after cancer I can just get up, go out and run. This is more than most people around me do.

Before I start my runs, I almost never know how much I can manage... and as I do trail running and it is super super icy, I run walk too. It gives me opportunities to take pictures (a some very bad selfies, the curse of being short and having short arms). What I realise with slow running is that I enjoy it even more. This morning I had a bonus, I bump into a deer in the forest. It was standing there unafraid watching me. 

I am glad that you enjoyed the Troll soundtrack as much as I do. It always lift my mood up... We ladies are like this little community of Trolls, all different but all with their wonderful shine and glow.

@amy46 it does not matter how many times we fall, we will get back up again because we are strong, you are strong. No one going through what we have gone through is weak. We rock!I rock, You rock, We rock

Hugs to you and keep running, walking while listening to Princess Poppy. 

[Love running]

@TicTok @gardengirl200 @Michelle21 @Sammy73 

What makes me happy and gives me a boost is reading about your plans and dreams: 

@TicTok 40 years of marriage. WOUAH!!!! I hope my hubby and I will make the long run... we have known each other for 22 years and been married for 13. He had to work hard on me as the feminist in me did not want to get married 🙄. I finally gave in after our eldest was born 😂. I am sure that you will enjoy your trip to Abu Dhabi.Like @Michelle21 said, we are looking forward a nice picture of you in front of the big mosque. I hope you can take it easy next week and feel you can gather enough strength for your last stretch of radiotherapy.

@Michelle21 and @delly please continue to tell us about your trip and travel. @Michelle21 I am looking forward to seeing your camper van in real, whether it is this year or the next one, in Sweden In France or anywhere else in the world.

@Sammy73 Holy moly, a gîte in France. That's is just so cool and exciting. When you are settled, you will need to share the address with me. So I can book it to come with my family as I am not familiar with this area in France. I would love to discover it. May be we could have a May Started ladies retreat at one point. Angouleme has a very famous comic book festival, bringing lots of people from all over France and French speaking Belgium and Switzerland... Good luck with all the paper work in France. the French adminsitration is famous too but not for its efficiency and speed. It was even a nightmare for me when we bought our flat south of France two years ago.

@gardengirl200 Enjoy your skiing week-end with your daughter. I hope your burstitis has healed and will not cause you any trouble. I experienced constant low level headaches and joint pains from Tamoxifen. I am just hoping that my body will eventually get used to it. Actually, the only time, I feel headaches free is when I run. I have decided to not take more medications to allow my liver to recover, so I am not taking anything for the headaches. I hope also that your lunch run with your ex went fine and that you did not end up with sad flashbacks and upset. Remember to put yourself first always 😘. 

It is nice to read that we are moving forward. It is not easy every day but overall we are looking into the future. 

[Love running]

@delly 

I am fine, thank you. I tried your tips and hoped to recover my long post but it did not work. I got angry and sad.

So nowadays when I am like that, I try to walk away and do something else to get distracted from the hinders.

It has also been busier lately. I have had a lot of follow up medical appointments. I am checking everything blood values, eyesight, hearing, and resuming physiotherapy for the knee and seeing a psychologist. I also increased my running volume as it keeps me sane, and helps me cope better with the after cancer life and the tamoxifen side effects.

Basically I have been focusing on taking care of myself.

Thanks for asking if I was fine. 😘

[delly]

Hi @TicTok  - Well, fancy that, on our shared birthday point, hey. I had wondered, nay "sensed"!, because after all we 14th Januaryers ARE such highly intuitive, perceptive creatures, aren't we 😁  You are now the third other person I know with the same birth date, and part of a VERY exceptional class of people club!! Yes, of course I would say that wouldn't I, ha ha.  

@Love running - You're very quiet. Are you okay? or perhaps just busy??

Lotsa love to ALL of you-hoos  xX❤️Xx  

[TicTok]

Hi Delly yes it was 😃….I wish you a happy belated birthday also I hope you had a lovely day xx

[delly]

@Michelle21  - I like "Duchess".  Duchess - the campervan with muchness!! 😊

@Purpledaze  -  Yes, I too echo Michelle's hopes and wishes that both you and your hubby are doing okay.

@Love running  - F r u s t r a t i n g 🤐  I may be telling you what you already know, but sometimes if/when you press "Reply" quickly again after you've lost a post, a grey band appears across the page, with ""Load" or "Discard"". All, or at least part of your previous post may have been stored, and come up if you click on "Load". Hope it does for you, as you like your long posts.

Dellywelly xxXXxx

[delly]

Mmm yeh @gardengirl200 - definitely better it be on the required side hey! 😁 

I don't know where in the country/world you are? and it's a rather late recommendation now, but when I was being fitted up for prostheses and buying bras, back in 2006/07, I went to Womanzone near Warrington. They were fantastic. I walked out of that place, having been measured up with some great protheses, and some lovely feminine lacy but suitable bras + matching briefs, feeling a million dollars!! ❤️ Which is just how we NEED to feel after all the BC ops, loss of body parts and other vagaries of in all of your cases, isn't it girls??!!  YEH   

Stocked some of the well known mastectomy brand bras  such as Royce (very reasonable pricewise), and Amoena (not so reasonable pricewise), can't now remember which other brands. AND they also used to provide a pocketing service for any of their, OR your OWN bras not bought from them.

But more importantly, provided "made to measure" cossies in a wide variety of fabrics and styles, and would pocket those for you. I don't know if they still do the made to measure cossies, but am just mentioning it to anyone else who may be interested, to have a look at their website. It's such a looong time ago now, so I'm a bit out of touch with them. Plus haven't bought any bras in quite a while, as I don't always wear them these days, unless for something special.

Lotsa love to you girls   xX❤️Xx   

[Michelle21]

@TicTok Happy to recommend, as you’ve all probably realised I love talking travel! I’m sure you will have a wonderful time. Looking forward to seeing a pic of you outside the grand mosque! X

@Love running it is sooooooooo annoying when that happens! 

@gardengirl200 that is such a lovely thing to say about me Fleur, Im not a big social media person and it’s not easy to know how you come across, im pleased that I have been able to make a difference here as I so appreciate everyone else’s posts. 
How did you get on with your run? Did your hip hold out?  I hope so because I agree exercise is an instant mood lifter. I have had a hip problem which has actually been caused by weak glutes. I have found running hills helps to strengthen the glutes and stop the problem. Hopefully it was ok seeing your ex again. 
400minutes a week? Was that for the general population or people post cancer? That seems quite a lot for most people to achieve. I’m a mix of trying to keep a healthy (not regime) diet and regular exercise combined with head in the sand! Like you say we can do all this but there are no guarantees so if these are my last years I don’t want to spend them worrying about them being my last years. That is far easier said than done, distraction is my biggest tool. 
 Skiing with your daughter sounds like great fun. After all we’ve been through doing things with family means so much more x

@delly  We have indeed given the van a name; the Duchess! 😂 because she is a Ducato which is Italian for Duchy apparently! 

@Purpledaze  I hope everything is going ok for you and your husband. Thinking of you x

[Love running]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😡

I just wrote you ladies a long message and it failed to post. 

[gardengirl200]

@delly 🤣 that’s not a bad suggestion but Unfortunately there is no means of attaching anything to it. Let’s hope it behaves and doesn’t need a lead. 

I finished my sewing.  completely predictably I started sewed it on the wrong side first time🙄🙄 but I’ve sorted it and very pleased now to have a working swimming costume. 

[delly]

Hi to all you lovely Warrior Women,

Forgive me, just a quick interruption from me, as couldn't help jokingly suggest "velcro", or attaching a "piece of string" to @gardengirl200's prosthesis to prevent from escaping and sinking dilemma!! 😄 Great to hear you're jetting off again.

Yeh, @Michelle21 , that is a lovely and very interesting photo of Abu Dhabi. 

@TicTok. A belated Happy Birthday for January. Think it was a Friday, was it? And wondered if the 14th? If so, we're birthday "buddies". Hope you enjoy a well deserved hol in  Y'Abu Dhabi Dooo (as in the Flintstones Yabber-dabber-Dooo!! 😆)

@Amy  - One soon for you too in Tenerife, Amy.

Michelle - Noticed your camper a while back. Looks fab. Will you be giving it, sorry "her", a name?? "Snowy" perhaps (with being white) or how about "Scandi" following her refurbs. Has everything healed and settled well for you physically, following your op?

Forgive me for not mentioning all of you, but as said, really just wanted it to be a quickie and been off Forum a while until yesterday, and haven't caught up with all your posts.

But am sending you ALL lots of love and strength to keep on kicking, running and coping with chemo, radiotherapy and hormone treatments.   

DoolallyDelly  xX❤️Xx  

[gardengirl200]

PS. I’m off to sew a ‘pocket’ onto my swimming costume for my new swimming prosthesis. Knowing my sewing  there is a big risk my prosthesis will end up at the bottom of the pool. It doesn’t seem that long ago we had special ‘sinking toys’ for my daughter to practise her diving when learning to swim! 10 years on this is a new variation!