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MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hello everyone. 

lovely photo Michelle. your plans re the camper van sound such fun. Sorry u feel ur going backwards. Uve been truly tested and yet u come across so well balanced without any hint of ‘why me’. You are a real tonic for me. You just seem to get on with things and deal with all of us with such kindness. 

such exciting news re France @sammy73. I’m very envious! Moving to France had always been a dream of mine. Maybe one day….! 

@TicTok hope you have a fab holiday to Abu Dhabi. Hopefully it will be a world a way from cancer treatment etc. 

@purpledaze- thinking  of you and hoping your husband’s treatment going better. 

@amy46 sorry to hear about your fall but you should be so so proud of yourself getting out in the first place! Yes, I was probably complacent about rads. I did find my 15 sessions loads easier than chemo but it was still an exhausting, stressful and very de- humanising experience. I was very kind to myself during that period to make up for the overall hideous ness of the situation. 

@Loverunning / Barbara - so impressed at your running regime. I am going out tomorrow with so I will see how I get on. I think I have had burstitis the last few weeks but it might just be the tamoxifen. But I’m sick of not running so I’m going to try a gentle run tomorrow to see how I get on. I had my hip X-rayed on Tues just to rule out nothing more sinister but on this occasion I am not expecting any bad news. I think it is the combination of tamoxifen and exercise. Sigh. Just when I am trying to do everything to help myself, things get even more difficult. It’s making me feel a bit down tbh. Exercise is my ‘go to’ to feel better and I havnt been able to do much of it the last 3 or 4 weeks. I feel out of shape and all the fitness is built up gone again! 

I am off skiing to France with my daughter on Sat so hopefully that will cheer me up. 
I’m also doing these courses and I’m not sure if they are entirely helpful! The one by the Urban Kitchen is very evidenced based looking at all the trials across the world. Exercise is key. Apparently 400 mins a week is now recommended in the US. Also not carrying extra weight post menopause as the fat carries oestrogen and so it gives tamoxifen more to do. But it all seems like quite hard work and I yet of course there are no guarantees even if you do all that !! 
the course through the Beatson, called Fear of Recovery, if anything is making me more anxious. It’s like it’s made me realise all these tips to stop worrying have made me realise there is something to worry about !! 

I wonder if I should have followed a pals approach re her BC. She is a GP and she just said she didn’t want ANY info. She just got on with her very busy life and tried not to think about it at all!! 

I seem to be on a rollercoaster of forgetting I have cancer and not being very careful about my health  to worrying a lot about it / feeling guilty  for the times Ive been forgetting about it ! Hopefully in time I will get on an even keel. 

I am meeting my ex tomorrow for a run/ lunch so I think I’m just anxious about that. His invite, snd nice thst he wants to be pals,  but I’m nervous it’s going to reopen the upset feelings from last summer. I don’t need that. Honestly at age 53 you would think I wouldn’t have these nerves. But mainly I’m worried that the run is going to make my hips very sore. Not good before a skiing holiday. Fingers crossed it will be ok. 

just listening to the Ch 4 news. There is a woman going through cancer treatment who can’t afford to turn on her heating. She is frozen. So awful.   Not for the first time I am reminded to count my blessings. 

love to all xx 

 

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Michelle21 …wow what a lovely pic ….the first place my husband showed me I thought no I don’t fancy that ,it looked very corporate but then we found a nice resort that looks lovely and the mosque is definitely on the list 😁I don’t know anyone else who has been so I am glad you have recommended it …. Thank you xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46  I feel your pain with the radiotherapy! After my first BC I had lumpectomy and 20 sessions. Each session seemed to be with different people male&female. By the end I felt like everyone in Cardiff had seen my breasts. This time I felt slightly different, I was really nervous at first because the thought I showing my chest with no breasts was scary. In my head I imagined when I took my gown off that they would gasp and look away in shock, like in a cartoon or film. Of course they didn’t and once I got over that hurdle I didn’t feel too bad. It helped that this time was 15 sessions and mostly the same 5 or 6 nurses. Having said that every day they would ask “how are you today?” I would feel like screaming “how do you bloody well think?” Complete over reaction I know so obviously I didn’t say that! I second what @Sammy73 said cake on the moisturiser and drink lots of water. 
My running is very up and down at the moment, as am I, because of the chemo tablets I am taking. It feels like I am going backwards not moving forwards like everyone else. Some days are like running through treacle which is annoying because I felt after rads I was improving again. I am looking forward to finishing the chemo and hopefully moving on. I know it will be harder this time but I am still living everyday to the max. Are you having capecitabine? I am because of lymph node involvement, I just hope that if any cells did escape that this chemo gets them if the last lot didn’t!
My eyesight has also got worse with chemo!

It is strange that exercise isn’t promoted more hear, I once heard a doctor say if the benefits of exercise could be put into a pill everyone would want it! We are the lucky ones already taking that pill and reaping the benefits, even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes! X

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

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@TicTok @I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time in Abu Dhabi. We had a stop off there after a trek in Nepal. I was just getting over my first BC so was pretty tired from the trek so didn’t see as much of Abu Dhabi as we wanted, apparently the old town is well worth a visit. We did go to the Grand Mosque which is beautiful. My daughter would like to go there for the Grand Prix! 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Any 46 … oh I don’t either I thought it was just the left…. Trying to practice my breathing so I can get out asap 😁….. can’t wait for it to be done take care xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTokit is on the right so I’m not quite sure why I have to do the breath holds. I think it’s to do with keeping me in exactly the right place? 
Just sitting waiting to go in. I’m challenging myself to do it in the fewest breaths possible each day. The machine stops when I breath out then starts again when I’ve take a deep breath in. The less breaths I do the quicker I get out!

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Amy 46 …..which side is your cancer on ? Just wondered if you had to do the breathing thing like me as it’s on the left side to protect the heart and lungs …. The nurse said it will take longer as I have to breath in deep for 30 seconds at a time x

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Thank you @Michelle21 x

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 

I felt the sane with radio therapy too. 

1 big tip keep well hydrated and moisturising the whole area loads I know you probally are but I'm still much dryer and tight in that whole area even now nearly 3 months after. You will get there I used to count as being zapped and just try not to think about what's happen. Good luck. X

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Sammy73  that sounds amazing I’m really excited for you!

 

@Michelle21 , I know you are right about my fall. I think it just came at a really bad time for me. I started my radiotherapy on Monday and am finding the actual process harder in some ways than the chemo which sounds crazy I know. I think it’s because having the chemo didn’t actually make me feel poorly when I was there and the nurses were so lovely I could almost convince myself that I was there for something else but lying on the scanner with my boobs out and my arms above my head it all just feels so clinical and such a stark reminder of the situation that I’m in. Yesterday one of the nurses was male and he said is it ok to take your top down now? I felt like screaming at him ‘no it’s not f******* ok, none of this is ok’ It’s not exactly that I’m embarrassed, it’s more that I feel I have been stripped of my dignity and yet again I am not in control.

Anyway, I don’t want my whole post to be negative so on the upside this week I have done a 4-5km run walk every morning and today I listened to the track Barbara suggested from the Trolls movie and it really lifted my spirits. It is almost like it has been written for us! I was thinking about all of you ladies whilst I was running along, about how amazing and strong you are. I’ve been working on trying to see myself this way too.

 

@Love running i think your healthcare system sounds amazing. I signed up to the yes to life conference which is all about integrated medicine - we are so behind here in the UK. Makes me sad really because although I have been able to access acupuncture reflexology and I’m paying to see a nutritional therapist this and more should be available to everyone. Find it quite shocking that cancer patients aren’t better informed about the benefits of exercise for example both during chemo and afterwards. There is so much good evidence out there now that’s a lot of oncologists here don’t seem to be embracing it.

@TicTok My eyesight has massively deteriorated since chemo I can’t wear my contact lenses and I spent the whole day taking my glasses on and off! My oncologist  said wait three months before seeing an optician As there may be some improvement again. I hope your headache is improving and yours Barbara.

 

2 down 13 to go 😊 xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi ladies sounds like things are coming together for us all 😁…. 

amy 46 so sorry to here you have had a fall sending you love and hugs …stick with the friends that have been there for you through this they are true friends x

sammy 73 what an adventure 😁 I hope it all works out for you x

loverunning …I will be also embracing the Mohic when it’s a tad warmer , can’t wait to loose the wig just need a bit more growth x

michelle 21 …. Holiday booked Abu Dhabi 😳…we have never been anywhere like that  ! Not sure if it’s me as I love the Caribbean vibe but sunbed pool beach and a book ticks my box’s . I would also love a camper van like you to just pop off anytime anywhere. 

Sorry if I have missed anyone 

love to you all xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Sammy73  That is amazing Sammy what a great way to make good out of what has been a very bad time. That is exactly what life is about, seizing the moment. I imagine it is stressful but hopefully the excitement overrides that. 
Good luck in 3 weeks I hope it exceeds your expectations. X

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running @Michelle21 

Hi ladies, 

Well we have always talked about running a gite in France and since having diagnosis last year my partner, my gorgeous bear, said **bleep** it we are going next year!! So we have 3 managers nearly in place to run buisness here and we will rent out our house here and move to the border of Dordogne and Charente!! Nearest town is Angouleme. 

It's very exciting but suddenly quite stressful, my cousin lives in Vienne and is our estate agent which is very handy. Off in 3 weeks to have a proper look and a mini break. Can't wait to be honest!!

It really has taken over all the negative thoughts for us both, we are doing it!! 

Beautiful sunny couple of days which is lovely. X

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Sammy73 Glad to read that you are doing well and feel good. Exercising might be a part of it and a potential house in Bordeaux too. This is so exciting. Will it be a second house or will you move permanently in France? How did you choose the area? Sorry about all the questions🙄

 

Since starting the hormone treatment, I am more stiff everywhere, not only the ankle, but mostly during the nights when i need to get up and in the morning. Once I am up and going, it gets better. Like an old car that needs warming up.

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok @Congratulations on 40 years of marriage, a great achievement! I hope you can get away in May this year. Where are you thinking of going? You must be relieved to have made a decision around work and you are wise to see how it goes and do something else if it doesn’t work out. X

@Shi good advise re London thanks x

@Love running Although the path isn’t straight forward your health system seems to have a holistic approach which although is causing a little stress now with so many appointments it is far better for your future. 
Great news regarding your knee and hopefully as you have been vaccinated Covid won’t cause you harm. You will be getting stronger everyday so it will be less of an issue.  I hope your headache goes soon and that you begin to feel more yourself soon. It just takes time and unfortunately we can’t dodge these feelings we have to go through them. X 

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Sammy73 good to hear from you and that life is ticking along nicely for you. I think moving away from treatment and doing things we used to do brings a bit of sanity after the darkness of the last year. A house in Bordeaux sounds amazing and I’m sure it will bring lots of excitement into your life. Let us know if it goes ahead. Will it be a business, vineyard maybe? Or purely for pleasure? Either way it sounds like the perfect distraction. X

@amy46 I can relate to the encounter you had with your friend I had something similar happen in 2018. She started chatting to me as if all was normal. I was a bit off with her and cried when she was out of sight. I haven’t seen or heard of her since and yet she had been a good friend before I was diagnosed. I can also sympathise with the fall, I’ve had many whilst running but particularly after what we have been through we need to feel strong not vulnerable. Remember you are strong with everything you have coped with and this was just a fall that can happen to anyone anytime. You will feel strong, fit and healthy again it just takes a bit of time. Focus on each day, im sure if you look back at how you felt a month ago you feel stronger now. Expect a bit of an emotional dip around rads and then pick yourself up again, you will get there. X

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running it’s no wonder we need therapy the amount of things that cancer and the treatment effects it is never ending 😞 my eyesight in my left cancer side eye was much worse than it was and she did say I wonder if it’s connected some how ….  I have had a slight headache since starting hormone treatment also . 
I hope your tests come back all ok for you xx

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running it’s no wonder we need therapy the amount of things that cancer and the treatment effects it is never ending 😞 my eyesight in my left cancer side eye was much worse than it was and she did say I wonder if it’s connected some how ….  I have had a slight headache since starting hormone treatment also . 
I hope your tests come back all ok for you xx

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 me too, the top grew faster than the sides.... but it goes super fast and now after 3 months it is not obvious anymore.

Embrace the mohoc!!!! It is so cool. 😉

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Shi Thanks. You are right, we should be use PM. We tend to forget that the all world is not as kind and well meaning as us. 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok I can't help you as not experiencing any pain down below.

However I also seem to be thirsty more, I put that on the hot flushes and the sweats. As @Michelle21 said, you should get this checked. Don't wait.

I have just had two blood tests done because some of my values are off... may be still a consequences of the chemo and radiotherapy or consequence of the anti hormone treatment. I am waiting for the doctor to call me to let me know. 

take care

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

The path from cure to care is not straight forward. 

Although it feels that my life comes back, I am still going to lots of check up appointments for my eyesight, my hearing, my knee, my blood and liver values and my mental health. There are good news and news that you don't know how to take them and bring back anxiety.

The good news first:

  • I am so happy because my physiotherapist told me that although I stopped my ACL rehab for 11 months, I had not lost too much strength in the knee and that both my knees were equal. So we can resume the rehab, which will help me staying injury free in my next runs. I am so grateful that I managed to continue to train somehow during my treatment. Not only for my mental health but for my knee.
  • Going to a psychologist helps me expressing and dealing with my anxiety, fears and somehow my anger too.

The other news:

  • My last blood test also showed low level of leucocytes, which is a bit stressful in time of COVID and other respiratory viruses. If I get sick, I wonder how I will be able to fight it off. Fingers crossed.
  • I resumed the tamoxifen this week, only half dose but have switched to full dose yesterday I am a bit worried as I have a slight constant headache since I started again. Interesting, it goes away when I run or walk... so I run and walk a lot. As my liver level are too high I don't want to take any painkillers for the headaches. May be stupid to go around having a constant slight headache that but I feel that everything I take unbalances/affects something else. I hope my body will get used to it eventually (well I have to take it for the next 10 years, so it has better get used to it).
  • My cholesterol is still very high... but fortunately my triglycerides are low and so it means that my diet is not too bad. I guess my cholesterol might be genetic, but my dad is dead so I will never know.

One in one, I am doing fine 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Thanks Michelle I will do 👍xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @TicTok no offence taken! Although I can’t be of any help. I don’t have any soreness but I would say if you are constantly thirsty definitely speak to your GP about both issues. I hope you are able to get an appointment soon xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Morning ladies sorry if this question offends anyone but I was wondering if anyone is sore down below ? I have used loads different creams but I just can’t stop it …. I read where treatments can give you diabetes which is an issue this can cause and I always seem to be thirsty 😞so I guess I shall have to have a blood test and see …..have a love Sunday xx

Shi
Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

❤️ Please do your planning for London using the pm facility on here ❤️keep safe ❤️ as the threads are open to the world ❤️💕Shi xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running …. You have never let anyone down… you have always been here with your lovely writing and moving us forward … you have been an inspiration to us all xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hello lovely ladies so glad to here everyone is moving forward and looking to book holidays etc … we are looking forward to getting abroad in may as it was our 40th anniversary last year but covid stopped that then I got diagnosed in April.

Amy 46 I hope radiotherapy goes well for you mine does not start till the 14th of feb …. We have all come so far it’s not till you start to feel better you realise how ill you have been …..I have decided to go back to work and see how it goes if it doesn’t work out then I will pack it in ….. no more stress!!!

love to you all xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

I feel the same way than you about my instagram posts... I am always wondering why would people be interested in my posts and my life in general. I have had few weirdos writing to me which freaked me out a bit. I am following some other fellow cancer runners and it gives me some motivation and inspiration. 

I found though that it is a simple way to keep my far away friends and family posted on my health and my cancer journey. If they are sort of part of my journey, they won't ask millions of questions 🙄

Thanks for the food tips. Whether I wanted or not, I found myself adapting my diet somehow (less meat, more veggies). I have had a full blood test done last week and the results of some of the values are off. I have had increasing high cholesterol the last couple of years either due to genetics or to stress. The doctor is not too concerned as my triglycerides level is quite low, so is my blood pressure and I am exercising. But still I would like to try to get it back down a bit. My liver value are too high, may be a residual effect from the chemo or the hormone treatment. 

I hope that after the rollercoaster ride you have had with your husband and your last date, you will find peace and love in your next relationship. 

have a lovely day.

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 top of my head thick as anything sides not so. Your not alone x

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

did anyone else find that the hair on the top of your head started growing but not on the side?? I am worried I’ll end up with a Mohican (no idea if that’s how it’s spelt!)

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running 

You haven’t let me down at all. All of you ladies on here are an inspiration to me and a comfort.

 

I haven’t heard anything about the scan, apparently the scans are not diagnostic so unless something is grossly abnormal you wouldn’t expect to hear. I’ve tried to put the niggle of worry aside.

 

I’ve had a tricky couple of weeks though. After the scan anxiety last Monday I then bumped into someone that I had thought of as a friend who has been noticeably absent since my diagnosis which I have found really hurtful. She just ran up to us, my husband and I, as we were walking the dog, and started chatting away. That was another day in tears for me, I seem to lack anything approaching resilience these days. So after picking myself up again I tried a run with a friend of mine on Monday but towards the end I took the most spectacular flying fall, like superwoman, but not so graceful, skidded along the floor taking the skin off the side of my hand and bashing my left knee really badly which is now swollen up and sore even to walk on. I had to phone my husband to come and pick me up and I spent the rest of the day and the next pretty much crying on and off. I am slowly starting to feel a little bit better and I wonder if falling was just the straw that broke the camels back. It made me feel so weak and vulnerable. I guess maybe all those tears needed to come out. I was just so gutted that I couldn’t even go for a run without something going wrong I was so desperate to start to feel a bit more like myself again. In my head having four weeks between finishing chemo and starting radiotherapy I expected to be back to my running and starting to do some weights and feel a bit more normal again and it just hasn’t happened. I don’t feel like me anymore, not really. Being a fit healthy person was so much a part of how I saw myself and I’m really struggling to see how that’s going to ever come back. I know I can get fit and healthy again but I’m not sure if I can feel fit and healthy again if that makes any sense?

 

Anyway, I like the idea of your holidays (and the retreat - do they take foreigners?!) I am

Wondering about Tenerife in February as soon as I finish radiotherapy. If my oncologist says it’s ok and I can get insurance.

 

I am up for the race. I think it will give me something realistic and positive to work towards.

 

@Michelle21 

I have been being really careful with what I eat but find myself completely floundering around as to what is best. I’ve actually seen a nutritionist and sent a genetic test off - the results  helps guide what I should eat lots of and what I might want to reduce. I like the idea of some science behind what I’m doing. If she gives me any more general tips I will share. One thing I have found is eating lots of good fats and keeping relatively low GI seems to reduce the sugar cravings.

@gardengirl200 

How are you getting on with cooking from your course? Any recipes you’ve loved that you want to share?

 

Tictok

Have you started radiotherapy? I start Monday 😳

 

@Sammy73 

Glad to hear you are finding exercise easier. House in France?! Wow, that sounds so exciting! Hope the trip goes well.

 

Purple daze

How are you doing? Did they come up with a plan for the next stage of your husband’s treatment? 


Sorry if I missed anyone out xx

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 thanks for asking. All going well, quite surreal this last year, I'm working a bit more as we own our own buisness, so good to be back at the shop rather than at the house. 

Swimming and back doing classes at the gym, feel able to breathe better my chest feels more open, not sure why but feels good!! 

Off to Bordeux in Feb to visit a house/ estate we have put an offer on which is very exciting!! New venture new chapter!! 

Has anyone found their ankles are more stiff since starting hormone treatment?? 

Hope everyone is doing as best as they can whatever situation your in. @TicTok @gardengirl200 @Love running @noodledoodle @amy46 

 

Have a great weekend x

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hej! (I read it on a sign in IKEA!) 😂

@Love running @Thanks for your Instagram details and yours @gardengirl200 . I must admit I signed up and searched loads of camper and but haven’t looked at it since! I haven’t followed anyone either because I don’t like the thought of looking at it all the time! I am also a bit averse to social media, no Facebook or Twitter. 

The week of rehab sounds very good and I’m sure would be so beneficial as will the 3 family holidays! Where have you booked? It is looking like we will be coming to Sweden in June so I am starting to get excited as we make a few plans. I will let you know the dates we plan to be in Stockholm it would be lovely to meet up there. Of course by then we will have all met up on London in May. The race looks good, I don’t know if I will be able to do that run or not but I will definitely be there. I have had a week off running because my breathing seems very laboured, which in my head has become lung mets but is probably more likely over doing it in cold weather whilst on chemo! It will be so great if we can all meet up. I still have regular contact with 3 ladies I met on here in 2018 and I have to say they have been an amazing support to me this time.  
When are you planning your European road trip for? Ours will be in August and September. I can’t wait for that trip too, I think the freedom of it will hopefully help me come to terms with what has happened over the last year. 
I am surprised about the Northern lights not being a regular occurrence in Sweden they talk about seeing it in Wales occasionally but I have never seen it, hopefully we both will get to see them some day. The crystal clouds sound amazing, the world can be so beautiful I want to see it all. 
We are still tidying up the camper but as soon as she is done I will post photos. x

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok & @amy46  I hope radiotherapy is going ok for you both.

@Purpledaze how are things with you? I hope your husband has been given a new treatment path. I am sending positive vibes and hope you are both coping ok. 

@Sammy73 i hope all is good with you too and that you are loving on with life. 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

Thanks for all the nutrients info, it is very interesting and can give us the feeling of control. I would say my diet generally is pretty healthy. After my first diagnosis I didn’t really make any changes but this time I have. I think I have already said we went vegan but I find it too restrictive, especially when eating out. So now I have added fish back in and have cheese a couple of times a week. I used to eat a lot of eggs, at least one everyday for lunch and quite often more if counted as an ingredient. We have chickens so I don’t like to waste them! Now I don’t have eggs on their own very often at all. The other bad part of my diet is sugar, in particular chocolate. I can eat a massive bar of chocolate all to myself. I have always thought as I exercise and my weight doesn’t go up too much that it it ok but now I wonder if the % of sugar in my diet compared with my overall calories is too high. I know I might be clutching at straws but I am trying not to over indulge in Choc/cake. 
Sounds like you had an interesting time with your ex while it lasted but it must have been very difficult for you at the time of your break up. You must feel like you have been on a real rollercoaster the last few years, one thing after another. I just want to say I know how you feel. Let’s hope life will start to be kinder for us now. X

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

I have not made up my mind yet about the week of rehab retreat. It is not entirely free, but heavily subsidised. Basically you pay a little fee for the housing and pay the travel there. The rest is covered, from group therapy, personal counseling, dietician and cooking course, yoga, physiotherapists etc. 

I have booked three family holidays instead. I need to spend some quality time with my girls and husband.

I was about to jump in a plane to see the Northern lights in the North of Sweden (not unlikely that i will do it)... as in Stockholm it is super rare. Actually it never happened since I have been here. I saw a tiny northern light years ago when skiing in Åre... but never otherwise. Even when staying in my husband parents cabin in the north, the weather conditions and the light pollution makes it difficult. But two years ago, we saw another rare phenomena, crystal clouds. In a pitch dark sky, we could see clouds that shined like crystals of lights. It was incredible. So northern lights are on my bucket list.

OMG - 7 countries in one year. Impressive. It feels that with Covid-19 this will never happen again. Although if I manage my roadtrip this summer (in the planning phase in my head), we would cross Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland, Italy and France... that makes 6 😂

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok you too I feel that I let you down last week after your terrible day. 

I hope the following day went smoother. Have you started radiotherapy yet? How is it going? I cross my fingers that it goes well. 

You are right, no more stress. I hope you can sort out your holidays and hormones treatments dates. Let's try to be kind with ourselves. I am trying too to push stress away. I am learning to say no and to let go.

take care

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 A week has passed since you message and I feel I let you down. 

I hope you are better now and your scan results were good and that you can go forward with the radiotherapy as planned. Next week, right?

I hold my tears every time I enter the oncology department where I got the chemo. I will never forget the smell of chemo...and each time, it pushes the emotional button in me. 

I can so relate with you not wanting to be in the room you have been told you had got cancer. Memory is strong.

Congratulations about your walk run, this is a first step to resuming your running. You will get there. I promise. Have you run more since ?

Take care,

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good morning everyone,

I meant to write for more than a week. Every day I promise myself to do so but then daily life comes in between and the days goes by... and then by the evening I am too tired to write. I am still on the emotional roller coaster with some physical hiccups too.

First thing, I found a race in London on 2 May: https://breastcancernow.org/get-involved/sports-adventure/charity-runs/vitality-london-10000

The only issue for me is that it is on a Monday, a bank holiday in the UK but not for me. So I will have to check with work (will start again on 7 March. The positive is that we could make it as a charity run and pay forward the help we received from this forum and the breast cancer now foundation. 

What do you say?

On Instagram, I have 2 accounts: one for the running (@course_pour_la_vie) and one personal (@balbiger). I post mostly my runs in case it can help someone else out there. I am quite a beginner in the whole instagram thing, and get sacred a bit sometimes. I got approached by some weirdo and by sellers/companies that want me to sponsor them. I am not comfortable with the all thing (may be I am too old for this 😂 , especially when i get my daughters friends to like my post, it feels weird)

I need to leave now (going for a run with a friend) but will write more later this afternoon.

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

I would definitely join u in a meet up in London. I may or may not run depending on what’s proposed but it would be lovely to meet you guys. 

I have been doing a lot of courses. I think it’s a distraction for me. Or maybe I’m somehow trying to bring order to the chaos?? Also, I don’t enjoy doing research myself ( too scary) but I do like to feel I have info that is relevant to me, and so I hope I am choosing reputable courses. 
I had the first session with the Urban Kitchen. She works at the Marsden and is qualified in nutritional medicine and has herself had breast cancer. It is very evidence based and gives us the stats for studies done on effect on different foods in the diet. It is complicated as sometimes the trials show different results depending on whether pre or post menopausal BC is being studied and some have different results  for different cancers. Milk does seem to be a potential issue for ER pos BC. The effects seem v small but I was getting through well over a pint of milk a day pre diagnosis so I have cut that down to a couple of pints a week. I may reduce further but the ‘take home’ message from that first session is that we have to enjoy our food and our lives and it is very much what we add into our diet rather than excluding things. The Mediterranean diet of multiple fruits and veg and oils every day seems to be the way to go and apparently there has been a study showing the benefits in relation to triple neg BC. She said we don’t really fully understand how all foods interact with each other but the benefits of varied diet appears to be greater than sum of individual parts, snd therefore much better to eat varied diet rather than reach for Vit supplements ( other than Vit D). 
I realise we probably knew all this already ( apologies) but i liked going through it again. 

No I never met Piers F to F and due to Covid/ lockdown I only met Andy by zoom. They both live in London and Ellis and I live in Scotland. I was in the car/ room with various calls with Piers .. especially after the GMTV debacle, and he seemed fairly normal. I appreciate he comes across as arrogant and potentially pushy (or worse) on TV but Ellis says that’s just he’s TV persona. But still I think I knew when I heard of Ellis social circle and his colourful background that it wouldn’t work out!! They all used to work together at the Sun and that whole tabloid world gives me the heeby geebies. It only lasted 9 months which,  in the scheme of everything else I’ve gone through is easy enough to get over. It was tough at the time to split though because after my second chemo I was feeling very anxious/vulnerable/insecure  and wasn’t myself and it was all too much for him. I can’t blame him, it’s not what you sign up for when u meet someone online! Anyway, I’m rambling again!! 

@amy46 great news you’ve finished your chemo and good luck with the rads and the scan. It is another massive step on the road ahead. 

Instagram - I think Barabara posted her Instagram name on here and so I followed her!! My Instagram name is I think 🤔 Fleur McIntosh.(I hardly ever post and they aren’t very interesting! ☺️) 

have a lovely weekend everyone xx 

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running  Your appointment from cure to care (great phrase) sounds good. All similar to what we have here apart from a week rehab retreat which sounds fantastic. Will you do it? Is it provided free by your health providers? If so that is an amazing service. 
I also liked your phrase cancer zombie, I feel like that too. It is difficult to escape and we have a lot to process mentally and treatment to recover from physically.  I remember describing it before as a big heavy coat that I wear and it’s difficult to shake off. But it does get lighter, I was actually feeling really good and looking towards the future again before my 2nd diagnosis. 
I too am all about making memories, after my first cancer my husband and I went on holiday the 7 different countries in a year, with and without our girls. It was a fantastic time of recovering, being kind to myself but also going at 100mph to see everything and do everything. Then Covid hit and everyone had to slow down! Hopefully our trip around Europe in the summer will make memories and also help my recovery.  
I am surprised that you haven’t seen the Northern Lights before. I would LOVE to see the Northern lights. We went to Iceland 10 years ago with the hope of seeing them but no such luck. 
A meet up in May around London sounds perfect. Do you have a date in mind? Or an event? From a selfish point of view my chemo will be finished on 19th so some time after that would be good but I will come whatever date. 
I hope you are having a good day xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

Hi! How annoying to have bursitis after everything else. I was diagnosed with that a few years ago although I was never actually sure if it was a correct diagnosis, no scan just a physio’s opinion. I hope it heals quickly for you and you can get back to exercising. 
Im full of admiration of you going back to work and enjoying it after all you have been through. I’m sure it’s wise to take things at your own pace now. I don’t work, I haven’t since 2007. Originally I stopped to do a Masters in Nutrition and Physical Activity with the thoughts of a change of career (I was in insurance). But when I completed it my girls were 8&9 and I just didn’t seem to have the time or energy to start something new. I don’t like to sit around though I’m generally very productive with my time. Since cancer I feel it is an absolute crime to waste a second! Stress wasn’t a factor in my cancer, I wasn’t stressed in life, in fact I was loving it and very appreciative of it. 
The urban kitchen sounds interesting and since you mentioned it I have signed up to Instagram. They have loads of vanlife posts which I am loving! 😂 How do I find you and Barbara on there? You have certainly signed up to lots of courses. I hope they help, although I’m not sure being in denial about your cancer is a bad thing. Perhaps in your head it is something you have been through and are moving on from. I think that is a good thing. I often quote to myself what you said a few months ago “today I don’t have cancer so enjoy it.”
It must have been really tough being in a new relationship when you were diagnosed, Im sorry it didn’t work out. Although best buddies with Piers Morgan?!!! Did you meet him? If so was the the same in real life? 
I haven’t listened to those podcasts but it’s always good to remind ourselves that many other people have equal or worse challenges than what we have had to face. 
Are you up for a meet up in May? Would your fly or train from Glasgow? 
Keep posting I enjoy your rambles!! 😄
Have a good week xx

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

Please don’t apologise for mentioning your worries about HER2 cancer. I really just wanted to help with your fears by saying although it is aggressive the treatment for it is very effective. None of us know if we will be the ones to have a recurrence or like me a second primary. We all just have to keep our fingers crossed very tightly! 🤞🤞😄 
That sounds like a very long and tiring day you had I hope your marking up today ran much smoother. 

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do regarding work, I’m glad you have taken another month off for radiotherapy as it will give you more time to decide. I think after what we have all been through we appreciate every moment of life so much more. 
I hope to meet you at our meet up in May xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 

well done on completing chemo, it’s quite a challenge but hopefully something you can put behind you and focus on getting back to running. I am running at the moment although it is hit and miss probably because of the chemo tablets I am on. I ran 5 miles yesterday and managed it quite well so I am pleased with that but also very aware that that was that run and the next may not go as well. Enjoy your two weeks off of treatment and hopefully radiotherapy will go ok for you. 
I completely understand your need to change things to try to give yourself the best chance possible. I no longer eat meat and although we did try vegan a few things have crept back in although I don’t drink dairy milk and I eat less eggs than I used to. 
I’m looking forward to meeting up in May time, it looks like we will meet in London which is usually an easy location for everyone to get to. Where in the country are you? We will wait to see what Barbara’s plans/dates are as she undoubtedly has the longest journey! It will be so great to meet all of the amazing people on this thread. x

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Amy 46 ….so sorry you had a panic attack , must say I am not looking forward to going tomorrow it’s just bloody never ending , glad you got out for a run bet it felt great .

I am bothered about work as I have holidays booked but now my hormone treatment has fell on 2 of them so I am stressed about asking about getting them moved a week and if they say no I will have to pack it in as I can’t deal with the crap 😡I have promised myself no more stress …..life’s to short and I have had shed loads over the years .

take care ladies xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running I agree about the hair , I am sure the hair everywhere else is is growing faster than on my head , we will look like werewolves when we are done lol . I did like the wash and go as opposed to wash and shave .

went for my first hormone treatment yesterday appointment was 11.30 didn’t get in till 1.30 took less than 5 mins for injection then had to wait 2 hours for if I got a reaction then went for the bus which was an hour late 😱finally got back about 5.30 . Hope tomorrow goes better being marked for radiotherapy.

love to all you ladies xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi everyone, 

I too have been meaning to write but I’m feeling a bit disorganised generally at the mo! 

I am so sorry Purpledaze to hear the news re your husband. I do hope treatment results improve. I can’t imagine how tough this all must be for you. Wishing you all the luck snd strength possible.  

I basically echo everything else you guys have been saying. I am now 3 months post rads and the transition from cure to care ( beautifully put Barbara) is a complete mind battle for me. I did an 8 week online course with ‘The Midlife Mentors’ Oct/Nov which got me on track with exercise and diet. Then Xmas came along and it all went totally to pot. At the same time I got burstitis, probably from the HIT, so I’ve not been able to run and some days can’t even walk the dog. The doc has told me no exercise for a further 2 weeks. 😔 And at the same time my diet has deteriorated so I feel the half stone i shifted pre Xmas is all back. So annoying. It’s not just the weight of course. It’s the implications for ones mental state and the feeling that I’m playing Russian roulette with my health by not taking care of myself. 

I’ve been back at work since 1st November and back in the office since 5th January. Although it is a stressful job, I am totally loving the normality but it does have a knock on effect on diet ( I am a sugar grazer when tired/stressed), on sleep (  I have a busy head) and exercise ( too tired/ little time). I also had my first face to face meeting with clients today and I didn’t feel it went well. I felt things I knew automatically before were much more woolly and I suppose I didn’t think I came across well. The still slightly  bald head didn’t help! I only work part time but already I feel overly busy. I feel I am much slower at doing my job. I think it’s because I now prefer to do everything in a calm and careful way rather than the fire fighting juggle most high street lawyers work with. I’m just not prepared to work like that anymore. Also, be warned everyone going back to work. Colleagues who were previously very sympathetic, now expect you to be back to your old self like the cancer had never happened. People have no appreciation generally of the reality. 

From a medical point of view, my biopsy of the area near my scar came back clear but I am now waiting for an X-ray of my hip. The GP thinks burstitis ( as do I ) but he wants to check nothing sinister. I feel ever sense chemo I have been waiting for one scan or other or the results from a scan. It wares you down. But fingers crossed re the X-ray. 

I think in the absence of being able to do proper exercise just now, I am going to really try to improve my diet. Tonight I am starting a 6 week course with The Urban Kitchen; the course is designed to help with diet etc post BC. I came across her on Instagram. Is anyone else on Instagram? Barbara and I are. It’s lovely seeing your posts Barbara! 

I start my Beatson ‘ fear of recovery’ course on Thursday. I’m also going to do the weekend courses that someone posted about earlier. I need to register still! I think the first one is this weekend. But u can download the seminars to watch when suits. 

My basic problem is almost the opposite of you @amy46 . I am often in denial that I have ever had cancer and so forget that eating 5 crackers with Nutella ( just now) or a big bag of kettle crisps ( sat night) is really not wise!!! I’m hoping these courses will help me focus the mind. And act better. 

I listened to a useful podcast yesterday on Andy Coulson’s Crisis What Crisis. Andy is a best chum of a guy I went outwith. I think I may have mentioned my husband and I split 3 years ago when he admitted an affair and left. A total shock which I think I have not properly got over and the BC has complicated my ability to move my life forward. But I had a brief foray into online dating in 2020 and met this guy.  it got pretty serious quickly. He was with me at diagnosis but he ended things after my second chemo session. All quite upsetting. But he was a bit crazy so I have no real regrets. (He had been married twice before and the best man at each of his previous weddings had been Piers Morgan. Enough said). I never thought it would work out tbh. But it was great fun at the outset.  he introduced me to Andy Coulson and I like his podcasts. I really recommend them as a reminder that other people have challenges sometimes even worse than cancer. The recent one is an interview with the guy that writes about the Inner Chimp. Sorry I’ve forgotten his name!  It is a silly analogy but it honestly made sense to me. I found it helpful.

im going to sign off now as I am rambling!!! This is why I don’t post very often! But I do read and love every one else’s posts. 

take care everyone. Xxx  

 

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi everyone.  I have had a massively mixed 24 hours. I went for my radiotherapy planning appointment yesterday and it suddenly dawned on me yesterday morning that the CT scan could potentially show up something untoward. This sent me into a blind panic. The appointment itself was okay I guess although they tried to put me in the room where they first told me I had got cancer so I asked if we could go somewhere else I just couldn’t face it. The ladies were lovely but lying in the scanner with my boobs out wasn’t much fun. It’s not that I’m embarrassed really - it’s more that it just makes me feel really vulnerable and reminds me again that i have so little control over my body and what’s happening to me . I had a total meltdown and a good rant and cry in the car on the way home. I’ve just got a bit of anxious waiting to see if my radiotherapy goes ahead two weeks time - I know it’s unlikely that the scan will show anything but it’s just there in my mind.

This morning though I managed my first run walk. I did 5 1/2 K and it was the most beautiful morning. Blue skies and really really cold and frosty. There was at least as much walking as I was running but least I got out there and it felt good.  Shattered now I just off for a snooze xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

I just told @amy46 about my radiotherapy. 

I had 23 in total and I did not experience any side effects except itchiness. No burn, no wound no additional fatigue. For the itchiness I got a silicone based plaster (from Meplilex) from the nurses to put on and it worked wonders. It has no active component but it protects the skin from rubber on the cloth and it prevents you from scratching. I also put a lot of fatty cholesterol based cream (from the Icelandic brand Debucal) on the area after each session. It seemed to work for me. I cross my fingers that it will be the same for you. Good luck.

You are right I can't grasp the concept of being cancer free or what they call a cancer survivor... I feel more like a cancer zombie still... A ghost of myself. I guess it will sink in eventually. I have been told that I will get my first mammogram in April (one year after the surgery). Will that be considered my first anniversary? Because this is in 3 months. 

I have not had any troubles with spots and blotches. But since my hair grows back, I realised that i have more duvet in my face than I would like too. It is nice and soft but I look like a teddy bear and my youngest makes jokes that mommy has now a beard. I also rediscover the pain of removing hair from my legs and bikini line ...arghhhhh

Take care and lot of love