This is my current view. Much better on a sunny 🌞 day as I like to see the planes fly over as we are in the air corridor. I annoy my family by saying which plane it is and where its going, thanks to Flightradar24 app!
Treehouse you are so funny, your humour is medicine to me as you make me laugh, sorry I am not as funny back! Can just image a pile of blacmange in a dressing gown.
You need one of those bird feeders on the window so at least you can stare at them or at least pretend to stare at them....
Just take little steps each day. After my Mx my daily challenge was to get out of my PJs by mid day. That was all I had to do each day then every couple of days bring the time a bit earlier. Now I can manage 6.30am (weekdays only!). Remember I was told on the Moving forward class about the Spoon theory, you have 12 spoons of energy, how do you use them? Take a look at www.butyoudontlooksick.com and then find the spoon theory. Looking back at some of the info I got from the course, alot of your symptoms as similar to fatigue.
My desk at home overlooks the garden, not much to see but rooftops but great for day dreaming when I am supposed to be storting the post, bills and doing husbands books!
Treehouse, we all understand exactly how you feel. Just because treatment is over there isnt a specific time when we are suddenly over it and back to normal. Maybe better physically but not mentally. We will never be normal again. Until people accept this, they can't possibly understand. Only those who have been through it can really know how you feel. Having said that, you also had the heart surgery on top. That in itself is major both mentally and physically. Its going to take time for you to process the last year.
Its ok to feel depressed and to acknowledge that you are is first step to getting better. Is there anyway you can speak to your GP to find help, even if it just someone to chat to, to let it all out?
Andi, good to hear you are ok, your children must be relieved. Lots of rest and gentle hug.
Had a busy week, 2 x work days and husband was 50 yesterday. He has been in a grump for a week about it...
Love and hugs to all!
Big love to you Treehouse. If there was anything any of us could do, we would do it but your battle comes from within. Go easy on yourself and don't have any expectations about how you should behave. You have had one tough journey. Xxx
Treehouse, nothing you did has caused any of this and aromatherapy and positive thoughts don't cure cancer or fix heart valves. They are just comfort treatments to help you relax. It sounds like your Mum doesn't like accepting what you are going through.
I do so get that, Treehouse. People mean well. They do insist on recommending a diet of gung-ho berries and jolly-juice, and then you'll be as fit as a flea. Which makes me wonder why the NHS bothers spending enormous sums of money on high-tech treatments and complex drugs.
But what do I know? I've never even seen a Guatemalan worry doll, for all I know it might cost ten times more than six rounds of chemo and a couple of years' worth of herceptin, with a couple of complex surgical procedures thrown in.
Treehouse, I was reading an interesting article the other day about depression, here's the link if you're interested, https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wr... One of his main points is that actually, depression isn't necessarily a "disease," in some circumstances it is a perfectly rational response to a situation, eg bereavement, being unhappy at work, etc. He thinks it's a mistake to treat it as simply a chemical imbalance in the brain, instead we should be looking at the cause.
So in your case, I'd say it is absolutely no wonder that you are feeling down. You haven't "got" depression, my dear, You've had a terrible, tiring, difficult, frightening, painful, horrendous, worrying experience, and it's not over yet, and OF COURSE you're not exactly the third Chuckle Brother just now! I think you're amazing to have kept so much of your sense of humour through all this.
Thanks ladies 😘 The bell is rung 🔔 the triathlon is complete 🏅 the weight on my shoulders is gone 🏋🏽 what a relief.
Andi, lovely to hear from you and glad all is going well for you post surgery and great that you are pleased with the results. Take it easy. Sending gentle hugs.
Treehouse, is there someone at the hospital you can talk to. You must feel quite confused about where you belong now between the oncology/breast unit and cardio if you don't feel well. Guatemalan worry dolls only work if you believe they do, placebo effect! 😜
Tatyana, glad you have plans and ct scans (omg, I'm turning into a rapper!) Enjoy.
Mai - just read your post 💕 Oh petal it’s not easy is it. According to people we should be jumping for joy at the last chemo, but the reality is very different, we quietly think, ok that’s done, now what? Whilst it’s a relief it’s also a kind of curse. I know I couldn’t have gone through this without everyone on here and the support. I guess we are a group of women now who understand one another and will be here for one another come what may 🌈☀️
You have achieved a lot, allow yourself a moment to acknowledge it and then busy yourself 😉
sending you lots of hugs
Hello ladies, I’m finally back.
surgery took longer than expected as my vessels decided to hide, so 2 hours extra in theatre. Felt extremely groggy from anaesthetic given by IV and overnight IV and bear hugger blanket. Not for the faint hearted I can assure you. My temperature was mid to high 38 degrees under what felt like a grill for 24hours but they were happy. All of a sudden today I’m pretty mobile, walking about with my bag of drains, and already had one removed. Breast is looking so good! I’m blown away with the results. Should hopefully be going home on Saturday. Perfected the roll in and out of bed. Got the stairs with Physio tomorrow.
Will read all your posts tonight and catch up. Mishy I think you finished today?! 🤯 Well done lady! 🛎🛎🛎
so so happy to be feeling vaguely normal again
It's so true Mai - we are, we are indeed Survivors - we must keep telling ourselves this too and others!
Enjoy the feelings today - very mixed emotions but you've reached the end of "active" treatment and that's truly something to celebrate.
What a lovely postman you have - I must admit, mine's seen me; bald, long wig, short wig, sunhat, nightcap, little hair, more hair, and now grey curling hair and he never looks at me any differently! I just smile cos when he sees me out - I've always got perfectly styled wig on and look totally different and he just says polietly "good morning/afternoon".
Thanks Ladies, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and tearful at this milestone this morning. I'm feeling good but the tears just keep rolling out. The postman delivered a couple of parcels this morning and said "I'm liking the hair", well that was enough to start me crying when I closed the door. He's seen me in my dressing gown with the hood up when I had no hair or eyebrows and in my wig and as much as you think you are hiding it well, people notice the hell behind your smile. I will be ringing that bell like a cancer survivor because the physiotherapist told me yesterday that's what I am and I will enjoy that title and try and move forward and forget the negative thoughts. I think once you've had cancer it's hard to celebrate and feel like a survivor because you're scared of it coming back but we should celebrate because we have survived so much. It's been a long road and I am so grateful to have your support and friendships on this journey. Thank you Ladies. Xxx
Good luck Mai for last rads today. Ring that bell loud and clear to signal the completion of the triathlon. How lovely to have your Mum with you.
Good luck Mai for today's final session - it's such an amazing feeling - enjoy!
The end of one incredible journey and the beginning of a new one...... xx
Penultimate radiotherapy done today. Final no.15 tomorrow and my Mum is coming with me to witness the grand finale bell ringing. So today I'm observing the group headlines are: clear margins, ranting, swimming and dentist! 😂
Tatyana, fantastic news, clear margins rocks! Xx
Treehouse, don't feel bad for experiencing negative emotions and don't feel you have to manage anyone else's emotions. Look after yourself and go at your own pace. Everyone will understand and if they don't well that's their problem, not yours. You have to be harsh for your own wellbeing right now. Xx
Jay, glad the dentist went well, at least you've got good teeth lol, keep smiling!! 😆 Xx
Rosie, well done on swimming, you're doing really well so be your own best friend and congratulate yourself. Xx
I think people don't understand what it feels like to have aches and pains that are SEs from harsh treatments which you really didn't want but had to have to survive but before all of this you felt young for your age and full of energy and that's been taken away from you and now you just feel like an aging whinger but feel a bit angry that it wasn't caused by aging, it was caused by treatments. Grrrrr!
Rosie, congrats on first swim! Looking forward to mine soon, but I'm sure it will be quite tough, my arm feels quite weak and stiff. No you're not the woman you were -- you're somebody much stronger, just a little out of practice!
Excellent news Tatyana, hooray for clear margins
That reminds me Jay, I must ring the dentist tomorrow.
Finally rang my boss to arrange phased return to work. We’ve decided on 5th Feb as first day back, which means I’m still under the 6 months full pay. So glad I managed to work from home during chemo! He said phased return can last up to a month so will be full time by March. It will be a mixture of shorter days, shorter week and some office/ some working from home. I also now have 60 days holiday as carried last years over so should get plenty of time off this year🤗
I did my first swim at the gym today, enjoyed it but it was hard work. I’m not the woman I was 😂
Good news Tatyana that your surgery showed clear margins. Sorry to hear you've got to wait for appointments. x
Yay.... Dentist - ticked!
All is, in the words of the dentist.... "excellent" - thank goodness another good news moment. She gave them a good clean and my goodness they feel lovely!
It was funny though - my dentist changed at the beginning of treatment and although she's never looked at my teeth, I've met her a couple of times during treatment via my Son who's had a few problems in the past year. So today when she came to collect me from the waiting room - she started announcing herself etc (as obviously she'd been reading my notes and realised I hadn't been in since March 2017) - however, when we got to the treatment room - and I explained the situation - she looked at me and said - "I'm so sorry, I thought I recognised you - it all now makes sense"!
She said I was due x-rays but when I explained about the rads only finishing on 19/12 - she said - "Oh no, we can leave them for a year or so - you really don't need more rads in your body...!" Lovely girl!
With you totally on that MJK - I know exactly what you're saying. You almost feel like adding, "but mine is due to cancer treatment...." - but we don't do we. x
Treehouse - maybe a quick reply to your messages would be something like ; I've finished active treatment for bc and now dealing with the side effects, In additon, I am making a slow recovery from open heart surgery - I think I can leave the "How are you feeling question" right there!! Suffice to say, I'm just grateful for each and every day".
Don't let others put pressure on you to be "well and normal" and equally don't put that pressure on yourself!
Hey, that previous sentence has made me chuckle! For it's so easy to pass that above advice on to others - I just wish I could listen to it and act on it myself!!!!
I guess the biggest piece of advice is just to concentrate on yourself and get yourself better - taking all offers of help and assistance from whoever offers it.
You're one strong lady Treehouse and you will get there - like the rest of us, we need to be patient and give it time.... xxx