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Hi Everyone,
Another rubbish night with hot flushes and nightmares. However, I dragged myself in to town, got some nice presents for my husband, then got back home, had some soup and crashed in to bed for an hour and a half. Absolutely shattered! Just got up and had another bite to eat and am feeling so much better. I did try to reduce my daytime sleeps last week, as I thought they may be affecting my ability to sleep at night, but that theory seems to be out of the window, so, like you Galligirl, I've decided that I might as well get some sleep when I can!
MamaTony: I'm also triple negative. So far I have very deliberately not read up anything anywhere on this, as I am terrified what I might find. However, I am very slowly (maybe, possibly 
) coming to the conclusion that I can't shut out all knowledge forever and perhaps, just maybe, finding out a bit more might be a good thing. Did you google this at all? I've been told by various people here on the forum that that is a very BAD idea. Or did you just get some books from the library? I'm really not sure how to go about finding out more without scaring myself too much! 
I might ask at Maggies when I go there on Thursday and will let you know if they have any good tips.
LisaT: So glad you had a nice weekend and birthday. It's so important to find those happier, lighter moments.
And finally, Galligirl, I think we all want Spring to arrive, with lots of hope, sunshine and flowers. It's not about wishing time away, just looking forward to a brighter future (I'd better stop here, otherwise I'll start blubbing! Seriously, I thought I'd done with tears, but they are often not that far from the surface!). So here's to Spring and Sunshine!!! 
Gx
Evening everyone,
It really is fantastic to hear from someone who has been through all this rubbish and come out the other side. Thank you, Nikki.
Little Pixie, I hope you were able to sort something out to deal with your pain and are feeling a bit better.
Went for a nice walk in our local park with husband today - good to get some fresh air, although I'm feeling breathless again.Also managed to do some Christmas shopping locally, which was very unusual for us - we're usually in a slight panic by mid-December! I'm planning to go in to town tomorrow get a few more pressies, something useful to do with my time anyway.
LisaT & Jacqs: I am trying not to snack too much, as I realised I was putting on a lot of weight. I have tried to get temporary relief from the bad taste by drinking lots of different herbal teas, which kind of helps, though by dinner tonight I was so desperate for food that my husband had to remind me to slow down! 
So maybe that doesn't quite work either?!
Rubbish night last night: I felt really hot one minute, then threw the duet off, only to get absolutely freezing within seconds, so kept waking up and eventually gave up around 5am - awake until c.7am, then fell back asleep, only to be woken at 8am by our neighbour's son playing some wild game that involved screaming the house down (he's only 3!). Hopefully I'll sleep a bit better tonight, as long as my body doesn't do that hot-cold thing again!
Love to you all,
Gx
Little Pixie: I hope you managed to get a bit of fresh air and that your SEs are starting to ease. There must be something you can take to lessen the pain a bit?! I agree with LisaT, contact your Chemo nurse and badger them for help - I don't see why you should have to put up with so much discomfort and pain! I had a sleep after lunch and am feeling a little less spaced-out. This morning I had a really bad bout of chemo brain, not being able to remember words, what I had said/did etc. My kids just laughed and groaned 
LisaT: Thanks for your encouragement. I'll be on EC, with out the F (whatever that stands for!), but hopefully it will be okish. I just want all of this to be over
Ktk: Gosh you're brave. I don't think I'd have the confidence to do all that at school functions, well done you! Mind you, I think I definitively saw a couple of mums at the parents' evening who seemed to have rather thin hair and were wearing scarves. Sadly there was no time to introduce myself (they were new to the school I think) and anyway, what would I have said "Excuse me, I notice you've lost your hair. etc etc" Not a great conversation starter!
Am planning to visit the Maggies Centre at St Barts on Thursday, if I feel up to it. They've got a drop-in walking session, hair care (for what's left!) and general advice day then, so I'll give it a go. I feel I could do with a little more socialising and my local Macmillan Centre doesn't really offer that.
Hope everyone has a reasonable Sunday. Might go out for a walk with my husband, if the weather improves (very grey and dank here in London).
Gx
Morning everyone,
we all seem to have gone a bit quiet! I am feeling a bit rubbish today, as I had my doubledose of carboplatin and paclitaxel on Wednesday. Didn't sleep well, horrid taste in my mouth and generally just very off-colour, so nothing unusual there . I've got two more session of Paclitaxel and then I switch to EC, which I am rather apprehensive about. Some people don't seem to have SEs that are too awful and others really have a rough time. However, it's not as if I have any choice in this, so I'll just have to see what happens.
Not much to report here otherwise. Just hope everyone is ok?
Gx
Hi ktk,
I think you're incredibly brave letting your kids loose on your hair! Sounds like you actually had loads of fun together though, which is so important at the moment and must have outweighed any worries you had. Nailscissors??? Actually, sounds like the sort of thing I would do - being smaller and perhaps therefore safer?! As for time, well that doesn't matter - it's not as though I have loads to do at the moment.
But a Year 11 Prom, well you really are brave!! I haven't told any of the parents at my kids schools about the BC, partly because I don't know them that well and partly because my son is keen to keep school a cancer-free zone, which I can understand. I was slightly apprehensive just going to a parent evening the other day. No one said anything, as everyone was too busy trying to get to their 5 mins slots. Christmas Fair is coming up soon though, so I will need to think what to do, if anyone comments on my appearance. Maybe they won't? Did anyone notice at the Prom?
Gxx
Thanks so much, Jacqs and Little Pixie. I'll mull things over for a few days and try to find someone with a clipper (hubby doesn't have one!). I've already got a Pixie cut - got that a few weeks ago, but my hair has rather surprisingly grown a bit since then while at the same time falling out, so I do look rather odd now with a few longer bits and quite a lot of thin patches, lovely!
Little Pixie: what an exciting career you have ahead of you, plus a a lovely creative hobby (actually sounds like your rather good / advanced at the jewellery making, if you're selling it, brilliant!). But yes, I can imagine upholstery is physically tough. Still, you've got something wonderful to return to next summer!
Jacqs: How nice you can drop that last chemo session! I'll be interested to hear how you get on with the genetic counselling sessions. I'm due to get my results on the genetic test early next week and may be going down the same route. I had my double dose today - I usually feel fine on the day and even the next day; the carboplatin hits me on Fridays and particular Saturdays. i.e. just in time for the weekend.
I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow.
Gx
LIsa - HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yesterday! I hope you were spoilt rotten by your loved ones! How lovely to be going to the Lake District. Hopefully the weather will be kind and allow you to go for some nice walks and enjoy the stunning scenery.
I'm just "talking" about courses and the OU, Lisa! Not actualy doing them, that would be far to organised! I had a look at the OU website yesterday and there weren't any short courses that I fancied - anyway, I kind of panicked, when I read all the stuff about essays and deadlines! I am really not sure that I want to commit to that sort of thing right now. I did find a one-day jewellery-making course in London which sounded fun and rather less serious. May book myself on to that in Jan/Feb, once I know how things go on the new regime of EC. Little Pixie:are you a professional jewellery maker or doing it as a hobby? I've always fancied doing something hands-on and creative, so maybe now is the time to give it a go - for one day at least, which is about as much time as I can concentrate for I think!
Christmas - well, you all inspired me, so today I ordered some presents online and went shopping for my kids in our local art shop. Both of them love drawing, painting etc. and I was quite sucessful in getting them lots of little interesting bits to keep them busy. Need to get more stuff, especially as I have several December birthdays to sort out as well, but at least I can now fill the next few days with shopping, wrapping, and then, yes, Christmas cards - hurray, I've got something to do! I don't usually get my cards off until the day before Christmas, sometimes even after Christmas, but this year I should manage to get all of them out on time.
Bloods and Picc Line care this morning. My Picc Line has got a bit blocked again (fluids go in, but no blood comes out ), so they injected something that should clear the line by tomorrow. THis shouldn't cause any problems for the chemo tomorrow, just a bit of a nuisance today.
Gx
Morning Galligirl,
SOOO glad to hear I'm not the only one who is bored!! 
Fairly recently some journalist who's got cancer (can't remember his name) also moaned that having cancer is really boring, and he is defintively right! It's probably partly because we didn't exactly choose this career break and it's not of course particularly cheerful. Also, even when I do plan something, like you, I lose focus. I have a few things that I thought I would get stuck in to, like digging around in my family history (I trained as a historian years ago, so it's kind of interesting to go back to this type of research); and maybe exploring some new skills, like writing or jewellery making, but now that the SEs have become so unpredictable, I haven't wanted to sign up for any courses etc, in case I can't make it on that pearticular day. My husband suggested doing an Open University course and I dismissed that instantly, but actually, thinking about it now, maybe it's worth looking in to? I don't know - I just can't seem to make decisions! I used to play the piano a lot when I was young, so this morning, after many years of not really touching our piano, I had a 20 minute practice, which oddly enough cheered me up a bit - I wasn't as awful as I thought I would be! I think I'll try to be organised an build a bit of piano practice in to my day (let's see how long I stick with this!). I am also thinking of visiting a Maggies Centre, as I have heard so many positive things about this. Sadly, mine nearest one still involves an hour's worth of travelling, but hopefully it wil be worth it.
I'm impressed you've joined a gym - have you managed to go to regular classes? My Pilates teacher comes to our home, as my husband joins in with me and his work hours are so irregular, that we decided this would be the best option. Can't wriggle out of the class that way either, as I have no excuse about not feeling up to walking/travelling to a gym etc.
Our darling cat died last summer (the day before I got my cancer diagnosis, so that was a lovely week!) and we have just decided to get a kitten in January. My kids are so excited (my 17-year old daughter burst in to tears when I suggested this!) and I am looking forward to having a bit of company. So there is something positive to look forward to. 
Gx
Hi Galligirl/everyone,
This whole thing is a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions and energy levels, and I am constantly having to remind myself of the endgoal to help me deal with it all. This week I thought I'd have more energy, as it's been drug-free. However, Friday and Saturday I had a bad stomach ache, not sure why, and today the breathlessness has come back with a vengeance.On the up-side, my taste is fully restored and I have been enjoying my food, which has been such a nice change. My mood has also been up and down, more down than up today. I guess essentially I'm bored - I've got things I can do, but I feel like I'm just filling time. I've had so many years of balancing fulltime employment and kids (and moaning about it! ) and I'm just not used to having to having all this spare time. It's difficult to plan specific activities, as I am never quite sure whether I'm going to be up to it on the day, but I think I need to do more of that nevertheless - I guess I can always change my plans, if I'm feeling a bit rubbish.
Another thing that has been troubling me is that I seem to be gaining weight. After my initial diagnosis I lost almost 4 kilos within a week and athough that was obviously due to the shock, I was actually quite pleased with the slimmer me. Then I gradually regained that weight, which was fine, but now my weight seems to be steadily creeping beyond my average.I don't know if that's drug-induced, or if I'm just eating too much! At least I've got a Pilates class coming up tomorrow evening, so I can try to work off some of the excess!
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Gx
