All alone.

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Coping with fear and anxiety
1

Hi, 

 

I don’t really know where to start but I feel like everything is abit of a mess at the moment and I’m at a really low point. 

 

I was diagnosied with BC in October 2013 at 32 years old. Triple negative, I had six rounds of chemo, a lumpectomy and full ANC and then six weeks of radiotherapy. 

 

Things broke down with my husband following finishing treatment. He said I was different, I think I’d just got sick of him talking to me like crap. 

 

He was always there for appointments, but he was always very selfish and we argued alot. I didn’t think it was good for either of us and I didnt want my son to think it was ok for him to speak / treat any future partner or me the same so I ended the relationship in August 2016.

 

I ended up having to go to my parents with our son as he has always had the opinion that it was his house and I didn’t my son to listen to use screaming at eachother for him to leave us at the family home. 

 

He told everyone I had an affair and all our mutual friends fell out with me, after all he’s looked after me and this was how I repaid him, saying that  now I think as time as passed people have realised that it was crap and talk to me again, but it will never been the same. 

 

Just before this my Grandma passed away, she was the person I loved most in the world after my son and she  had suffered with Dementia, I cared for her but I was so ill with all my treatment she went downhill and ended up in a home. 

 

When I split with my husaband and moved from my home, I got made redundant. 

Lukily I managed to get another job but now I’m being made redundant again. 

 

I friend’s dad let me rent their property and I now live with my son in the little house. 

 

My husband got a new girlfriend after six weeks and they live in our house with their new child who is six months old. 

My now ex husband’s girlfiend is far too nice for him.

 

Things have been diffcult with my ex, he seemed to think it was ok to swear at me and call me names, this stopped a while after we split up but he did it to our son, so I got Social Care involved, they told him off and things seem better now. 

 

I have since developed Lympheodema in my right arm. it hurts. most of the time. I am having treatment. 

 

I’ve recently got to five years and sorted everything with my ex. 

Just over a year ago I met my BF. 

He is so kind and loving and everything I have wanted. 

 

I feel like since I’ve had my five years and sorted everything with the house and the divorce that I feel so lost and upset and down. 

I feel like I should be happy.

I am in someways. But then I feel like I’m an emotional wreak. 

 

So thats me. Sort of feeling abit alone and lost really. 

 

2

Hi, 

 

Im sorry you’ve had such a rotten time on top of a BC diagnosis, you’ve had so much to deal with it’s natural to still be feeling rocked by it all. There is some sort of expectation that once we reach the 5 year point that it’s  time to move on and forget it ever happened but often it’s the first time that many of us can sit back and really think back on what we’ve been through.

I’m coming up to 4 years post diagnosis and although on the whole I’m in a good place emotionally there are times it all becomes overwhelming. 

 

You sound to be going in the right direction though and in spite of all you’ve been through you are keeping all the plates spinning to provide a home and stability for your son. 

 

Dont feel pressured in to being ok if that’s not truly how you feel, you will find many ladies across the forum who feel as you do so you certainly are not alone and maybe some counselling may help you to move forward. Always someone here to talk to Xx Jo 

3

Thank you, I have to admit that I felt alot better just by writing it down on here. I know, I suppose it takes time to heal emotionally. Perhaps longer than we allow ourselves.

4

Hi lest81

 

I’m really sorry to read all the stuff you have had to deal with on top of the diagnosis - but glad to read that it has helped you by writing it all down. Sending you a big hug to start with.

 

Jobey68 has written some very wise words, ones we can all relate to. I too wonder if some counselling would help you?

 

I think you have been very strong to take control of your life and leave an abusive relationship, and wish you happiness with this lovely new man.

 

I’m coming up on 2 years diagnosis and the anniveraries hit me hard. I think it’s important to share how we feel - either on this forum which is safe, non judgmental and has lovely ladies who all understand where we are coming from, or with friends/family. Hopefully this forum will help you feel less alone.

 

Big hugs

Evie xx

5

I cannot believe how cold your husband could be at such a time in life. There is me feeling very sorry for myself but my husband (who is not an emotional type) has been there whenever i needed him. You must be a much stronger person to me, i do not how you coped with all of this.