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Anxious & Scared of future

16 REPLIES 16
Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi Michelle - first of all a big hug from me and my very best wishes to you as you go through chemo and any further treatment. You are so right about the head running away with thoughts, and it can be hard to tame those thoughts. It's really good that you have booked to see a counsellor - I did that too and it was enormously helpful. When I started seeing her I wanted her to tell me that I would live to be 100, with no further health problems, but I soon realised that she couldn't do that. Even if I hadn't had BC nobody could say that to me. Lizzietindrawers wrote a brilliant reply on this thread, just before yours (thanks Lizzie) summing up this point well.

Have you come across the book The Cancer Survivor's Companion by Frances Goodhart and Lucy Atkins? I found it recommended on this forum and it's really useful - sorry, I may be repeating myself, I forget where I have talked about it! My counsellor and the book both stress that thoughts are NOT facts.

I'm sure your counsellor will give you tips to help, but talking on here to others who understand exactly where we are coming from I found very good. It's important to focus on one day at a time, or even one hour at a time if things get really rough, and be very kind and gentle on yourself. Lots of treats and no beating yourself up and blaming yourself for anything. Try thinking about how you would advise a friend who might be in your situation - we can often advise others and forget to take our own advice.

Of course it's all easier to say than do, I'm still working on my plans! So chat away on here as much as you want - happy to chat on PM anytime too.

Hugs, Evie xx

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi all, 

 

Thank you for this thread - I am x4 chemos away from finishing - half way - although I'm now doing 2 weekly instead of 3 weekly now, so 6 weeks to go  Smiley Happy 

My head has been all over the place, non stop thinking about the future & not getting out of a bad place .. I know 'its' fone & all preventative - but the head can a bad thing huh ? 

I love your sentence  "thoughts are just thoughts  NOT facts"  thank you

 

I am due to see a counsellor next week & also want them to say all will be fine  - but no one can,

So I need to somehow learn to tame my crazy heads & enjoy each day,  however this isn't happening at the moment 

 

Michelle 

 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi MoDo, Sorry to hear about your dad. I lost mine many years ago and I have  also lost a brother and sister at a young age. Life is sometimes like that, kicks you in the teeth when you least expect it. Talk about your father and remember the funny things he said and did. You will sometimes have tears, but you will also laugh as well. As for moving on after cancer, you and I are in a similar boat, except I am living my life. I can understand though that you worry. But do you worry about what happens if you get hit by a bus in the future, or if you are going to break your leg next week? Can you see where I'm coming from? We could spend our life worrying about what If, but it only wastes precious time on this planet. I had my mastectomy about 12 weeks ago and as soon as my breast was gone I moved on. I didn't worry about the results as I know there is nothing I could have done anyway. Luckily I was fine. I never got upset about my scars as I say it's our badge of courage and not a scar. I still feel tender if I lay on my left side, but that is a small price to pay for being cancer free. I have also had a very large lipoma removed on Wednesday, so I have more scarring. I laugh when I stand in front of the mirror and look at my scars as I resemble a jigsaw puzzle. I know we can't tell you not to worry, but getting interested in things around you will help focus on something else. Take care of yourself and best wishes for a long and happy life.

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Jobey- what a lovely post to read on all counts, I’m really glad to hear you are doing well and having fun with your granddaughter. How exciting to have another one on the way in November. Thanks again for your original post and for sharing your positive attitude to life.

Evie xx

Community Champion

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Good for you Kip! You shove those gremlins back in the box where they belong 👊🏻👊🏻 Xxx

Community Champion

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

I’m honoured that you use it Evie! Was lovely to see my name pop up,  I’m not on here as much these days but always check in now and then and it really made my day that I’m still helping others even when I’m not actively posting 😍 I’m doing really well thank you, keeping busy with my little granddaughter and have another due in Nov ♥️ So much to be thankful for Xx 

Kip Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Thanks, feeling a bit better today, and now I have told the Gremlins..  not today mate!   love it!! xxxxx


@Evie-S wrote:

Jobey68 - I hope you don't mind me using your quote to help others, I always give you credit! I love your post today too - made me smile. I hope you are doing well. Sending hugs to you and thanks again for the quote that I turn to over and over.

Evie xx


 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Jobey68 - I hope you don't mind me using your quote to help others, I always give you credit! I love your post today too - made me smile. I hope you are doing well. Sending hugs to you and thanks again for the quote that I turn to over and over.

Evie xx

Community Champion

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Lovely to hear my post back then is still helping you now ♥️ I stand by every word and live my life to the full without feeling I always need to be looking over my shoulder, of course the nasty little gremlin will poke his head out of the box every now and then but I just say not today mate and snap the lid shut! Xx 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi Kip - I’m sorry to read that you have been having a panic day - but hope you have told those goblins to get back into their box! Thank you for your very kind words, so kind of you to message. I’m sending you a big hug and hope you are feeling better. Happy to chat more if it helps. Very best wishes to you.

Evie xx

Kip Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi Evie-S,

Just been trawling the forum as having a "panic day" myself.  goblins on the shoulder niggling away and your words were just what I needed!  Thanks for that.. I will use that as my mantra "our thoughts are not facts they are just thoughts".

Thanks

Kip

xx

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

MoDo - thank you for your very kind reply. Yes please do message me personally and we can chat more then.

Evie xxxx

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Evie - Thank you for your reply 💞

Went to hospital today for a 6wk check up, had a bit of a chat with him and he examined me.

I have discomfort & tightness in operation area & also worried some about the scar tissue under my arm which feels tender & a lumpy bit that I don't like.

So he sending me for Ultrasound !!

He is also referring me to Psychiatrist, he said he thinks I need to & it should help me a lot.

 

Thank you for the book recommendation I will look into that.

Also thanks for Jobey68 post - which is very true.

Also love the quote - our thoughts are not facts, they are just thoughts.

 

Appreciate you taking the time to reply with such kind, helpful words at a time when I need them so badly especially from someone who knows first hand.

I will message you personally later if that's ok Evie xxxx

 

 

 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi MoDo

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you - I wanted to have a think about what I learned in my counselling sessions to see if I could come up with anything that might help you too. My sessions dealt with BC rather than grief, but I'm sure there must be an overlap in the way you would deal with both. I hope I can help, even if a bit, but I won't be offended if you just shout at the post and tell me I'm talking rubbish!! I've just thought of a book that was recommended on here too - The Cancer Survivor's Companion by Frances Goodhart and Lucy Atkins, which really is good.

 

I'm going to start by re-posting a post I saved last year and look back at often - credit to Jobey68 - I think the thread was called "Irrational fear". It talked about having "fear goblins" lurking on our shoulders, which I thought explained it well.

"There just in no way we can have a 100% assurance that this will never come back but we have to believe it won't to be able to move on. We can't spend our lives in fear of what may be as that just robs us of enjoying the here and now.
I'm 4 years post diagnosis in March and every year that passes brings confidence, we don't read about those who have gone on to have no further problems, they are off living, it's the sadder stories that get published but that doesn't happen to the majority. My mindset is if I need to deal with it again then I will but for now all is well and that's what I focus on. It does get easier, Cancer won't always be in the forefront of your mind I can assure you"
 
One thing I have learned is that our fear of recurrence is very very normal, everyone can relate to that. I realised that when I went to see my counsellor I was looking for her to somehow reassure me that I would live to 100, with no further health issues and thus take away my worries. Of course she couldn't do that, nobody can reassure anyone that they will live to be 100. I try to tell myself that even if I hadn't had BC there is still no guarantee about what might or might not be around the next corner. The book stresses that our thoughts are not facts, they are just thoughts. The book goes on to talk about how to 'tame" our thoughts and worries.
 
You have only very recently finished treatment and that is one of the toughest times. For a while you have been on the treatment treadmill, seeing consultants regularly and then suddenly you are on your own. I remember being warned that that was the time depression could strike - and the warning was so right.
 
You also have the loss of your dad to deal with, so from what you say you have all kinds of feelings and emotions whirling around in your head. It sounds like you may have regrets/guilt that you didn't manage to speak to him properly. One tip I learned was that I need to be kind and gentle to myself and not beat myself up about things. Try thinking how you would advise a friend who came to see you with the same worries or concerns. You would be gentle and reassuring with that friend - so do the same to yourself. (Apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick).
 
Someone told me I should be proud of myself for getting through treatment. Somehow we found the strength to get through it - and that we will find the strength again should the worst occur.
 
I am also looking into mindfulness, staying in the present and not focussing on what might or might not happen, and what is in the past. Of course that is easier said than done! Try telling yourself that you will set aside say 30 minutes a day for worrying so if a worry comes up you can tell yourself you will put it aside for later.
 
Sorry, that was rather longer than I planned! If you would like to chat more on private message if that would help I am very happy to do that too if you would feel able to be more open there. I am very happy just to listen if you would like to talk, rather than offer solutions.
 
Hugs to you
Evie xx
 
 

 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi Evie-S,

Thanks for replying.

I finished treatment in May, I haven't been able to get counselling but I did see a mental health nurse which didn't help at all.

 

My dad died in February & I only got to see him when he was very poorly & struggling so never got to talk to him as it happened so fast.

 

Even though I've been told I'm cancer free I'm so worried about the cancer returning that I'm finding it hard to think of anything else.

Then I'm grieving about my dad as well so I'm so depressed & sad.

My head just spins & spins - feels like I'm going mad. xx

 

 

 

 

Member

Re: Anxious & Scared of future

Hi MoDo - First of all, a big hug from me. I’m not surprised your emotions are all over the place after what you have been through. BC treatment is tough enough on its own without losing your Dad at the same time. When did you finish treatment? Have you thought about having some counselling? I had some after my treatment and found it really useful. I’m very happy to chat more on here if I can help at all - or listen if you’d just like to offload.

Hugs, Evie xx

Member

Anxious & Scared of future

Trying to be positive & sometimes I am.....Fear & panic take over a lot about the cancer will come back !

Find rational thoughts hard to achieve.

Even though I am cancer free & should be feeling happy about that all I do is think and feel that I'm not which doesn't make sense.

 

My dad took ill & died when I was on chemo 4 which has devastated & saddened me so feelings are mixed up somewhat !

Thank you for listening xxx