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Feeling worried and alone

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Hi again KH and Lucy51

Do neither of the hospitals you had your treatment at have support groups?? That's a shame if not

Lucy, it's a shame that at those groups, you felt like you didn't want to be "pushy". The other person/people could have been thinking exactly the same thing, didn't want to feel "pushy" either, but could have welcomed it. So neither of you do/did, and could have missed out on creating a possibility of a friend with shared experiences. Someone who'd been through the same or similar. It's not gonna be the end of the world if they say "thanks, that such a kind thought, but I don't have a lot of time at the mo'", or such, is it? 

And I recently said to Wonky, in another thread and post, because she mentioned a friend of hers, who had made a point of reminding and pointing out to her she'd been through such an enormous amount over the last few months/year, that those are the kind of things you want and need to hear in all of this. I felt very lucky that my bezzie asked questions how I was and just "listened". No telling me to "buck up" or getting fed up with me and how I should be by now. Was one of the greatest gifts EVER. Hadn't been through it herself either, but still the ability to sympathise, support, want to lift me out of the BC doldrums. Guess some people have it, and some don't. And KH, it shouldn't matter how long ago, because you're on a kind of very delayed reaction. Jeez, you went through it all the nasty BC c**p, whilst bringing up a child at the same time! If they don't see it themselves, and think you're over it and okay, maybe they need a gentle reminder of all that, and telling that you're now struggling?

If they don't respond positively to that, then sorry, they aren't the caring friends you thought, want and need. Sorry if that's coming on strong, but Cancer has a way of separating the wanted "wheat" from the unwanted "chaff", as the old saying goes. Can tend to show up who your "good" friends are. 

 

Lots of love to you and everyone xxxx

 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Golly, I've been sooo busy since my last post, contacting Gorgeous George, Tom Selleck, as he's always looked a good hugger to me. David Ghandi, the white trunked Adonis in whatever perfume/aftershave ad it was (who cares what it was? Smiley LOL). They're all up for it, and great news, they're all happy to donate their hugs for FREE!! But I'm charging you all a commission per minute! Have to think of the same sex lasses too, so Charlize Theron's promised to call back as soon as her latest film shoot has finished. Let me know any other favourites and suggestions - I'll see what I can do. Phew, I'm excited - this could go global.

KH - I echo Lucy's "don't feel silly". You stated yourself, you're only just now "realising" the effects, having been soo incredibly busy with looking after your baby/child. You haven't had the necessary time to properly "process" it all. I think it's very much like "grieving" for the loss of someone. Not only have you lost "part" of your body (be that part of a boob or whole of), but that you also lose "trust" in your own body. Don't know (trust) what's going on with it (underneath) any more. It's such a major shock and threat to your "own" mortality, in that you're suddenly FORCED into "questioning" it. Let's face it, any form of cancer diagnosis, even the mere mention of the word, immediately sets off alarm bells. We all take for granted and naturally assume we are going to be well. Don't spend our whole lives in expectance of it, do we? And just hope it doesn't happen to us, when we hear of others. But . . . unfortunately we discover it can and does, even when we've taken good care of ourselves too.

It saddens me, but constantly reminds me how lucky I have been treatment wise, when I hear of you all suffering nasty side effects from rads, chemo and hormone treatments. But that's as long as they ARE due to hormone treatment. I'm not talking further cancer probs, just that it could be a bit remiss to assume your symptoms are the same as everyone elses, when they may not be. Hence me mentioning ME/CFS for example, in ruling other possibilities out. You all mention "worry", and constant worry or stress in itself can be quietly and unknowingly, but seriously, damaging physically, so there's no harm in checking is there. I'm all for "vigilance", but without being psychotic. That's what I'm trying to say.

Hypnotherapy's another alternative therapy to consider, if you feel you're "stuck". My bezzie's one. Achieves some brilliant results with anxiety, getting people out of ruts, confidence issues, phobias etc. But yeh, support groups, as with hugs, I went to quite a few meetings during/after my treatment, years ago now. Found it invaluable to be able to physically meet and chat with other fellow women. But I don't know how many exist these days - so much happens on-line, as opposed to "in the flesh".

Sorry, have rabbited again!  Lotsa love xxxxxxxx      

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

 
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Re: Feeling worried and alone

That is the realisation I have come to this week Lucy. I am 5 years on nearly but because I was pregnant when diagnosed and then life was taken over with having a baby and three year old I didn’t get chance to ‘deal with it’ as such. I think all people around me think I kept it all together and was fine but I know now that all of this masked what I should have dealt with. I guess it’s never too late. I have never been offered counselling but think I need to be more proactive with finding support myself. Big hugs xx

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

 
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Re: Feeling worried and alone

It has really helped me to see that we are really not alone and I’m so glad I wrote something on here the other night. I feel the same, after nearly 5 years since diagnosis I am grateful but can’t help feeling fed up with constant feeling of not being right.

Has anyone found any local groups or meet ups that help. I would love to talk to people who understand. I’m not sure if I would feel silly going to a group now when my diagnosis was not recent. 

Big hugs to you too. Thanks for your reply. 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Goodness me you really have been through it too. It’s so hard, I really would like to get up in the morning and feel bright and energised, lead a normal life and go to work feeling good but at the moment it just seems to be something different every day. Today I am suffering with a really bad headache and my mind goes wandering as to what could be causing it and then the anxiety causes a vicious circle! It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone and people on here can relate to this too, I’m just sorry that any of us are feeling like this and have to just put up with it. I haven’t had reconstruction either and I did think it would be something I would have eventually but can’t face the thought of that at the moment either. Big hugs to you and thanks so much for support. 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

 
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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Lol Delly, when you get your dial-a-hug business up and running, as you will no doubt be busy and need staff, could you try to ascertain if George Clooney needs a part-time job. All perfectly aboveboard of course. Smiley Happy . Training will be vital though - so he doesn't squeeze too hard on the 'sore side'. Giggling..... x

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Crikey Lucy

What a majorly c**p couple of years you've had. Sorry to hear you too are struggling with Letrozole side effects, and friends aren't as patient with you. Great that you can have a pour out, moan or rant on this Forum. Ether hugs can't quite replace a big warm physical one, and it sounds like you need a few of 'em, sweetie. Perhaps I ought to set up a delivery hug service, where you can order one to have delivered to yourself from a cuddly person. I could offer 5 min, 10 min, ones etc. Might have to put an optimum time limit on them though, otherwise it could be misconstrued!! Smiley Very Happy lol  

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

 
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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Thanks for this thread it's helped me realise I'm not the only one three years on I still struggle but don't want to seem ungrateful for my three years x

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Hi KH81

Your symptoms make me wonder if you may possibly have ME, or these days called CFS - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, as an ASIDE from your BC diag and treatment, espesh as you're complaining of "tired, aches, and pains". Just makes me wonder, and it isn't so easy to diagnose. Could be worth raising that one with your GP?

Do hope you get some answers xxx

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

We are always here for you and we understand .

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

It's easy for people who have not had cancer to think you should get over it but I personally don't think you ever do. I really hope you can find someone to talk to but, if not, at least you can find friends on here ☺️

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Thanks so much for your reply. My mind always goes to mountain before molehill at the moment which is not helping. I think a lot of people around me think I should have got over this by now and should just move on but in reality it’s not that simple. I have thought about asking for counselling as it has never been offered but I stress about when I will fit it in and who will have the kids for me. I really should try and make time for this. Thanks for replying x 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Thank you so much for your reply. It makes me feel so much better just reading it. I completely agree, that’s exactly how my friends and husband see it. I am nearly 5 years on and should be thankful that I am well but it’s not that simple. Having anxiety and aches and pains constantly is exhausting in itself. I wish I had time to slow down the pace but a pre school child at home,  school runs and trying to work is not giving me much time at the moment. You really summed up what I want to do at the moment when people ask me if I am ok. I just want to cry and rant and hope someone listens and offers support but instead I just say I’m fine. I tried telling one of my close friends but she really just seemed to roll her eyes and more or less say “what is it this week?” I really need a friend who understands. Thank you so much for replying, it has made a huge difference x

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Thanks so much for replying. I am sorry your health has not been great either but makes me feel better just to know I’m not the only one. Just seem to be going through a really low patch with not feeling 100% and wanting to tell someone everything but seems like no one wants to hear it. I like your ‘compassion fatigue’ line. I can see it from my friends and my husbands side that there is always something that I am moaning about but I wish more than anyone that there wasn’t! So glad I reached out on the forum, just having people in similar situations helps. I almost feel like as it was 2015 people think I should have moved on and completely got over it. I guess it’s hard for them to understand. Thank you. Look after yourself too x 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

KH - my health has never been ok since my diagnosis 2015 - my friends and family have " compassion fatigue " as there's always something - it's very depressing - we are here for you to talk and for support.

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Hi KH81

Firstly, there will be lots of ladies that read your post and relate to how you are feeling. You are not alone with all the support you can get from this forum. I was diagnosed in June 2014 and on tamoxifen for 10 years. I think side effects from this med has a lot to answer for. I also had scans, blood but nothing found to be wrong. I asked my consultant if it could be down to having very little, if no oestrogen in your body which is causing the stiff joints and aching bones and she said it could well be. You may have also seen on this site how different brands give different side effects. You also have a lot to cope with, not only having BC but a young family and trying to get back to work so don't be so hard on yourself. I find you have to pace yourself. I have to make sure I have some down time which I know would be difficult for you but I just can't keep going at a fast pace any more.

If you are still feeling unwell go back and see the doctor for reassurance. 

Oh friends is also a difficult one, no one wants to talk about it now you are now "well" and like you I don't always want to say how you are really feeling so just end up saying "I'm fine" when really you want to pour your heart out!

Feel free to PM me if you just want a chat and need an online friend. I think there is an expectation that after a few years like us, you shouldn't have worries and anxiety, but in reality I don't think it goes away. Sorry I've gone on a bit! But wanted you to realise we are here for you. I'm off to bed now, don't usually stay up after 9.00!! Hope this helps. Big hugs..xx

 

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

So sorry you feel like this. I was diagnosed in June 2017 and had a mastectomy. I do worry sometimes about any aches and pains and feel like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I hope you find someone you can talk to, have you asked your doctor to refer you for counselling? That can really help. Or coming on these forums can be helpful too. Hope you feel better soon xxx

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Re: Feeling worried and alone

Hi KH, I'm sorry to read that you are in pain and struggling. Have you tried having a chat with the nurses on here 0808 800 6000 or McMillan Nurses, who's line is open longer into the evenings. 

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Feeling worried and alone

Hi, I had Breast Cancer in April 2015. I had a mastectomy but didn’t need any radiotherapy or chemotherapy I started on Tamoxifen which I have had for the last four years. During this time I have reached my ‘new normal’ as I like to call it and life has been going on. The past few months I have not been feeling great and have had several tests done chest X-rays, bone scans to see if everything is ok. Very relieved that nothing has been found but I’m still not feeling well.  I am still having lots of aches and pains and am struggling with the worry and anxiety of what it might be. My biggest problem is that I have no one to talk to about it. My  friends and even worse my husband have just got to a stage where they are literally like ‘Oh what’s the problem this week?’ I am getting to a point where I am feeling so tired and In pain but I am keeping quiet because I am scared to tell anyone as I feel silly and like I am making stuff up. I’m sure they think I like the drama but I really don’t. I have young children and work three days a week (which I am finding hard) I’m hoping there is someone out there  who can offer help or support. It has not been like this since my diagnosis I just seem to be having a low patch now. I wish there was someone I could explain what I’m feeling without being dismissed or made to feel it’s not important. Everyone expects me to be how I was before Breast Cancer with no worries.