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How to live without worrying about the future ?

17 REPLIES 17
Pandabear
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Dear Heather fairy

absolutely, but it will lessen with time, although even then,  you will have bad days, and different things will trigger the anxiety. 

I had not really given recurrence a thought until I had to have some new symptoms explored (all fine thank goodness!), because I think I was all consumed with treatment and recovery.  My oncologist was very reassuring,  as were Macmillan and as someone below recommended, Someone like me.  I also sought support from Breast Cancer Haven,  and they were very good.  I am currently attending a 5 week living well course,  and that covers things like the fear of recurrence and anxiety etc.  

Another lady in a different post also said ( I am sure more eloquently than I am about to!)....that life is for living,  and we can let the anxiety/fear take over,  but that saps the mental and even physical energy for all the things we want to do.  THAT definitely resonated with me, and helped me "park" the thoughts, albeit only at the back of my mind.  I'm sure those thoughts will rear their ugly head again, especially at triggering times,  eg. mammogram time,  or when you hear news of someone else being diagnosed.  But for now,  I try to keep that troll under its bridge where it belongs. 

I hope this sort of helps.  

Take care, x 

Heatherfairy
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Its hard not to dwell on the fear isn't it, I had stage 3a 90mm lump, finished active treatment Jan 2020 but convinced I still have cancer in my body, I try to be positive but its hard getting past the worry, I'm trying to get back into work but struggling as often feel ill and tired and not experienced in anything much just a bit of care work and do I tell them I've had cancer, sorry not much help to answer your question hun xxx

Pandabear
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Fingers crossed. Do let us know how things go. 

Big hugs x

Sanda
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

I just try to take one day at a time. Not easy. Had grade 2 breast cancer 2 lymph nodes positive in 2019. Radiation for 3 weeks. Now very anemic blood in urine had 2 lots of blood. Hope cancer not back.

Pandabear
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Dear YV4820

You take care now,  and always feel free to come on here as and when you need to.  We are all here to support you.  

Big hugs x 

YV4820
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Thank you so much for sharing.  I read the article and it certainly highlighted a few concerns, thank you for directing me to it.

Forums like these do help.  Ive met a few women whilst going through this journey and its certainly good to reach out as were all so different, but going through the same process.

All the best to you x

 

LouJP
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Hi

Not sure if it helps but totally get Pandabear’s sentiments!!!

No one fully understands unless they have had their own journey - I didnt even though I knew friends with BC.

I am now at the part of my journey where I am going to volunteer and give back.

xxx

Pandabear
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Dear yv4820,

I just wanted to add, that it hit me like a ton of bricks when treatment finished (see my previous posts). I think I was in such a state of shock about the diagnosis and surgery, (and angry!) and on the hamster wheel of appointments, covid tests, pre-op assessments etc, that I had not had a chance to think about it all.  I spoke to the BCN, and was advised that it is quite normal for that to be the case.  

I was also signposted to a great article, called "After treatment finishes, then what?" by Dr Peter Harvey  (you can google it, it is available online. ) He talks about the anticlimax of treatment due to the fact that it is the end of something unpleasant, rather than the anticipation of the arrival of something nice. 

How to stay strong ?- start with the fundamentals - eat healthily, be kind to yourself,  gentle exercise as and when.  I found getting out for my daily walk in nature helped.  Try and get enough sleep.  Also,  reaching out to others via this forum and elsewhere helped, because people who have been through the experience just "get it".  But be prepared for good and bad days.  I've had my fair share of blubby days, and it has been important to share how I feel with those that I can trust and not beat myself up about it.  I am now 6 months post surgery, and am in a place where I can tell people about the fact that I have had breast cancer without becoming emotional.  But I know in September when my first mammogram looms,  I will probably need some duvet time.  

Well, I hope this helps,  and take care,

Big hugs, x 

MCG
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Thank you ☺️ I suppose none of us know what’s round the next corner ( which is a good thing) we just have to enjoy each day , looking forward to getting out of lockdown (got pedicure booked in April , just can’t wait to do the normal things again).

i think middle of the night is always the worst time for feeling quite alone and scared , if we weren’t scared we wouldn’t be human would we ❤️

MCG
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Thank you ☺️ I’m very active and have been all through treatment, it’s a good distraction and really helps me ❤️

MCG
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Thank you ❤️

MCG
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Thank you , very wise words ❤️

Kitkat23
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

I think the answer is ‘ you can’t’ but that said, it’s about how you manage the worry.
we are all different and different things will work for each of us.

ive had BC 3 times now and I actually expect to get it again based on my odds up to now......but it doesn’t consume my thoughts like it did after my first diagnosis ..... odd really....it is what it is I guess....hope you find a way forward

LouJP
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Hi
Think no easy answer to any of this but I would recommend Someone Like Me xx

MilosMum
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

HIya, 

I read your message and I could have typed that...

It's a bizarre place we're in mentally isn't it?   My other-half, of 18 years, says I'm acting like I've had a cold not cancer and should take time to let myself heal...but even when he says that it sound serious...and I'm trying to forget the blasted 'C' word.... He's been wonderful but my mind is dipping in and out of planning for the future and planning my funeral...I'm currently selling things on Ebay 😐...Tis crazy...

My family have been very supportive. My mum had breast cancer when she was 36, mastectomy and no other treatments except she was a 'tester' for Tamoxifen...back in the 80's...she is 76 in May.  We don't have the gene but she just keeps telling me that I'll be fine when she hasn't experienced chemo or radiotherapy.  Like you say though it's the thoughts that are troubling...I try to keep them to myself and think my diagnosis could have been worse.

I just hope my mental state will improve..thinking of using the 'Someone like me' service that is being offered....to maybe calm myself dowm...

 

Good luck and best wishes....x

YV4820
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

Wonderful news on 1 year on!!

Im at the very start, soon to finish 15 rounds of radiotherapy (and 6 cycles of chemo).  I have been so positive throughout this journey but the doubts and worries have just hit me.  Would love to hear how other people are managing to stay strong.

Sending happy thoughts.

Lucy51
Member

Re: How to live without worrying about the future ?

I not sure I’ve achieved that yet and I’m nearly 2 years post treatment.  I think it just takes time, you’ve been through a lot and it’s important not to try to bury that as it has an awful habit of returning when you least expect it. 
Im speaking to a counsellor and learning how to sit with the emotions and to acknowledge them rather than try to ignore how I feel or I thinking I should be doing better than I am. It’s not easy though. Someone recommended the Cancer Survivors Companion by Lucy Atkins which I found really useful after treatment ended. I hope some others come along and share what’s helped them xx 

MCG
Member

How to live without worrying about the future ?

I just wondered how others remained positive. I got the one year all clear in Feb 21 and was absolutely delighted, but when I’m awake in the middle of the night the thoughts of a return of cancer occupy my mind . I make myself think about other things so I don’t dwell too much. How do other people cope with these types of thoughts ? Thank you ☺️