Nearly 2 year anniversary - anxiety creeping up again

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Coping with fear and anxiety
1

Hi

I am not sure how I am feeling at the moment, in 5 days time it will be 2 years since I found a lump and started on this journey.

Although my cancer was caught early and there was no lymph node involvement,I complications during the first attempt at surgery made me realise how quickly you could lose someone, and makes me feel guilty about the worry and stress my family must have gone through. Anniversaries bring this all back and it plays on my mind. It makes me realise how precious life is, and this in turn gets me wanting to give up work and live more. I don’t enjoy my job anymore, don’t have the same stamina and get up and go as before, and like most find that people think wants your active treatment has finished you are fine! I have a manager who stands in the office doorway to ask ‘everything ok’ whilst looking at the clock and running off as soon as the phone goes, so not really interested.
Every ache makes me wonder if the cancer has returned or if it is just arthritis, I know it is going to be the latter, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I don’t mention this to my family as I don’t want to worry them. 

Does this get easier over time? 

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Hi, I went through treatment back in 2008-2009 and am now 54 so it’s quite some time ago since I was diagnosed. Returned to work full-time and back to bringing up my daughter who’s now 18 but just like you, I felt anxious along the way - especially on the 3 year mammogram check or whenever something didn’t feel right ( which I have had checked out straight away rather than thinking it’s all in my mind) 

But now having had cancer isn’t something I tell people about (no one at my work knows) and after finishing tamoxifen a few years ago, that really helped me move on. I do talk about it with my husband if I feel the need, as there are still specific triggers like the anniversary of my diagnosis or seeing news about celebrities with cancer, and I suspect that won’t change but it really does get easier - I’m 100% sure that you will feel the same too with time and I’m sure many others feel exactly the same. All the best on your journey!