Need Hug or Kick up the Backside

[Jbelle]

Hi Mary, if you don't mind, can I share on your thread as what you are saying is exactly how I have been feeling. My anxiety is overwhelming sometimes that I feel nauseous, palpitations, cold sweat, sad, crying, etc. I have spoken to my surgeon, oncologist and endocrinologist and they all said the same..... after chemotherapy and now, Tamoxifen..... had taken away my hormones and this causes the low mood / depression. When I first started on Tamoxifen, my joints ached, night sweats, hot flushes like 20 times a day.... these seem to be easier to handle than my anxiety. All the doctors said is to give my body time to get used to the menopause and in the mean time, prescribed me with antidepressants, which I am not making a habit of taking!! It feels so horrible to be getting anxiety attacks almost on a daily basis...... can't shake off the blues!! Really appreciate if anyone could share or advise. Sorry for being such a wimp!!

[Jill1998]

I am going to give it a bit longer too Mary and see what progress I can make with acupuncture etc ,the tablets are no quick fix are they anyway - if only they were ! Have been referred to Occy health by work - very much doubt that they will have anything else helpful to say - but I don't mind speaking to them and they may be some support re dealing with my absence from work with management .

[maryminder]

Hi Jill

Well done you, yesterday for me was only possible because of my OH couldn't have done it on my own, every step we take big or small is one in the right direction so give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of your achievement.

Have you made a decision re your tablets yet or started acupuncture, I am going to wait until I see my Onc at the end of August and if still feeling the same will give them a go then, will carry on with the swimming and keep fit in the meantime.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend

Mary xx

[Jill1998]

Sounds like a great day Mary !!! My achievements yesterday were on a much smaller scale due to level of anxiety but forced myself to walk with dog to post office and then legged it back -further than I've been for last 2 weeks on my own so an achievement for me !!!

[maryminder]

Hi Ladies

Good is slightly cold day at the races yesterday, won money in every race except the last , back home went had drinks and dinner in our local, very nice and then hubby and I even managed a Miranda Hart gallop down the road on our way home, a lovely finish to a brilliant day just wish I had managed to catch my OH on camera doing it 

Going to rest today, enjoy the sunshine and my upbeat mood while it last's, hope everyone has a good day as well

Hugs

Mary xx

[Jill1998]

Hope you get a winner !!!

[maryminder]

Hi Jill

Goodwood it is, only 25 mins on the train, just hope the weather is ok.

A quick fix would be great wouldn't it but hopefully we can keep moving forward and make sure we enjoy the good days 

Hugs

Mary x

[Jill1998]

Hi Mary ,glad you feel better .I am also undecided re tablets.I am going to give it a few more days and also hopefully see if some acupuncture will help ease anxiety symptoms .If only there was a quick fix eh ?!! Good luck at the races -r u going to Goodwood !??

[maryminder]

Hi Ladies

Saw my GP this morning who talked through my concerns re the tablets this helped to put my fears about taking them into perspective, still undecided but a lot more at ease with them as an option, she also promised to chase up the counselling for me,

She checked out the red marks on my mastectomy scar and is certain it is my psoriasis rather than anything sinister, if it gets any worse then she said to ring the breast clinic or if it is still there when I see the Onc at the end of Aug  to get him to have a look for my own peace of mind,but otherwise not to worry, huge sigh of relief when I left the surgery together with a prescription for creams etc to try.

Wish me luck at the races tomorrow

Hugs and Best Wishes

Mary x

[GillieAnn]

Awesome group hug Guys. It does help to know you are not alone, but I am so sorry about how hard it has been for you all.

Jill, after all you've been through you are such a star for being able to support us on here.

And hi Debbie. Did you get your walk in the sunshine yesterday?

Gillx

[Sue C]

Yep, ok thanks. Just keeping busy x

[Jill1998]

Think it's unlikely anyone would fit me in this week ,plus feeling this anxious I don't really want to go to someone I don't know at least I feel more re-assured that I can freak out safely !!! How are you feeling today ?

[Sue C]

Crikey Jill, you have been through it. No wonder you're struggling!

I'm sure gp is right re. post traumatic stress but that doesn't really help now when you're trying to cope with symptoms. I'm sure you've looked into this, but do you have aftercare resources near you like McMillan or a Moving forward course that they do on here? I have one near me that offers acupuncture etc. If that is what works for you, is there someone else you can go to just for this week? 

Sue xx

[Jill1998]

Think it has been triggered by a combination of things.Had hysterectomy in April and have a number of complications ,a change in pain medication triggered a really bad anxiety state for about 5 days,followed by flare up in asthma which was hard to get under control and had all number of medications thrown at me to get to grips with it .Latest inhaler has helped breathing but then anxiety symptoms flared up again .I am very sensitive to medications etc so who knows exactly what is causing what ?GP thinks element of post traumatic stress disorder as had 2 cancers in space of 2 years but I don't think pain meds or inhalers are helping - but I need them both !!! Tried cutting back on inhaler and today breathing worse .Need a new body !!!

[Sue C]

Oh Jill, you must feel terrible. Do you know what's causing your anxiety?

[Jill1998]

How is everyone doing today ? I had no sleep ,pounding heart all night ,now feel exhausted and agitated.Any support /jokes etc greatly appreciated !!!

[Sue C]

Thank you Mary. Hope you have a lovely day on Friday x

[maryminder]

Hi Ladies

Sue c don't worry about hijacking the thread, all input gratefully recieved, will keep fingers crossed re your referral, I have a couple of raised red marks on the end of my mastectomy scar on my chest wall that have been there for almost two weeks now so when I see my GP on Thursday will get her to look and see what see thinks, I have psoriasis that has flared up due to the anxiety so at the moment sensible head is saying it could be that, will let you know.

OH is taking me to Goodwood on Friday so a lovely day is planned, eating, a few drinks and hopefully back the right horse and win some money 

Hugs

Mary x

[Jill1998]

I think we can re-title the thread "anyone struggling with anxiety /going through anxious times ,welcome !!!!

[Sue C]

Also I just wanted to apologise to maryminder for hijacking her thread!!

[Sue C]

Thanks Jill. Gp did also mention could be a cyst. Will be seen within 2 weeks.

I'm trying to stay calm!

I think life eventually grounds me....back to a pile of ironing and sorting out the kids lol xx

[Jill1998]

Oh bugger -if it's painful may well be a cyst but all the anxious waiting is so rubbish !!! I have had a friend round for a couple of hours with helped distract me but now my asthma has flared up with all the talking -can't win!!!! Hope you get seen soon and they put your mind at rest Sue.GP will
always play safe with your past history.

[Sue C]

Hi Jill

Saw gp and now got a referral back to the breast clinic. It was really painful when she examined me, so she suggested getting it checked. Panicking again! Hate having to keep going through this 😢

Sue xx

[Jill1998]

Good luck hope it's nothing !

[Sue C]

I hope so. Feeling quite anxious now😢

[Jill1998]

You do feel better after you have been though don't you ??

[Jill1998]

I'm on first name terms with most of the staff at my GP surgery after the last few weeks of continual problems .You cannot get a quick appointment at my surgery unless you go through screening process which involves talking to a nurse or a doctor !!! They will oh it's that nutcase again with yet more ailments !!!!

[Sue C]

Abit yes, but I'm always worrying about something! Constantly need that reassurance xx

[Jill1998]

R u worried about changes to boob Sue?

[Sue C]

Tension headaches Jill. They were brilliant. 

I had migraines a few years back, which brought on anxiety and panic attacks, so they increased the dose, but unfortunately it didn't make a difference. Then the gp mentioned aspirin, so I gave that a go and now very rarely get them!

Also, when I saw the oncologist who put me on letrozole, he mentioned that amitriptyline was good with dealing with side effects and he would have recommended taking them if I wasn't already on them. Xx

[Jill1998]

What were you prescribed them for Sue ?

[Sue C]

Hi Jill

I haven't had any side effects from taking amitriptyline. They do make you feel abit sleepy, so I take them in the evening and that ensures I get a good nights sleep. Maybe worth a try? I think with all these things, it takes a couple of weeks to make a difference.

I'm going for a check up this afternoon with gp because I'm having my usual worries re. breast. Anxiety levels creeping up again!!

Sue xx

[Debbie1964]

Morning ladys

Im sat at home recovering after my op, everyone in the house at work, it so easy for me at the moment to feel down, and alone , and feel useless, but then i come on the forum and read about all of you ladys and how strong everyone is and each and everyone of us are suffering in our own ways, you all make me feel so much stronger and i certainleyley dont feel alone, what would we all do without this forum,

Big hugs to you all, and fortunatley the sun is shining today, so i think a nice walk could be in order today.

Debbie xx

[Jill1998]

I was given Amytryptaline for pain relief that I am suffering post op but haven't taken them as yet -keep getting side effects from medications that make things worse so reluctant to try anything new !!!

[Jill1998]

Sue doctor has offered me Sertaline(?) but I would prefer not to take them if I could find other ways but at the moment the anxiety is overwhelming .He has given me small number of Valium but they just make you sleepy for a bit !!!! I go regularly for accupuncture but she is away at moment for a few weeks ,that is my normal emergency rescue remedy !!!!

[Sue C]

Definitely up for that group hug Gill ☺☺☺

[Jill1998]

Think an anxiety support group is probably needed for all of us struggling with this .Had GP appt this am for blood test was gibbering wreck !!! Had to explain to nurse I had anxiety issues at the moment -she was lovely but felt a complete prat !!!

[GillieAnn]

Mary,

I've just read your original post. What you discribe is how I often feel and I think lots of others do too. What you / we have been through is totally traumatic and life changing. I feel very different about my self now, not so young at heart, not so sexy, no longer invincible, ah the optimism of being young. And when I had a recent worrying blip I feel like I totally melted down.

What I really want to say is - you are not alone, nor are you being a wimp. Group hug anyone?

Gillx

[maryminder]

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to thank you all for your lovely replys, I am sure that with the support of each other we will all get there in the end, we will begin a new normal and eventually be able to put BC where it belongs, locked away in our own internal memory jar.

Hugs

Mary x

[Jill1998]

Thank you Feather !! Good luck with op !

[Feather1944]

I cant walk by without giving all you brave ladies a BIG HUG each !!!!! You have all given me such comfort during the past few weeks, i cannot thank you enough.  I am ok at the moment, just one more hurdle - a small op to remove the papilloma and biopsies, just to confirm diagnosis. 

Love, thanks and hugs xxx

[Poppy3]

Hi Mary. What a lovely thing for your friend to do. Very thoughtful and caring. I think it is all an emotional roller coaster and you shouldn't under estimate what we have all been through. Personally I find I am doing OK and then you have a check up or don't feel great and then your head is all over the place jumping to all sort of conclusions!! I am 3 years post BC and then this had ovaries and tubes removed another worrying time. Everything turned out to be OK...good couple months...now have to change from tamoxifen so now worrying about what side effects that will bring on. Anyway going off track now!! All I would say is on good days make the most of every min but on the bad days don't be so hard on yourself and take some time out to relax and recover. Sending you big hugs...xxx

[Sue C]

Hi Ladies
I think one of the problems is that the treatment has totally consumed me for so long, that at the end I'm left thinking ' well what now?' Definitely agree with the PTS.
Just wanted to say that I do take amitriptyline, as I think a few ladies on here do and they've really helped me. They are not addictive and you can wean off them slowly. They may be a short term fix, but that might be all you need.
Definitely sending a hug xx

[Jill1998]

Keeping everything crossed !!! It's such a shame your rational head can't kick the crap out of the one that says "panic " eh !!! It's a deep seated response in a part of your brain that isn't easily reached by rational thought -it's a response to having been chased by a big bear (cancer )!!!

[maryminder]

Hi Jill,

Thank you for the reply and sorry to hear you are feeling the same, i agree about the time to recover and deal with the impact this "thing" has had on all our lives. Post traumatic stress sounds just about right, it's like i have two heads one is sensible and can reason the other just goes into panic mode.

 Last night a very good friend came to see me and handed me a jar, notelets and a pencil and explained that it is a "  memory jar good or bad " she suggested that when I am struggling I write down why and also when something happens that makes me smile I do the same and then put them in the jar, and then when I reach the end of the tunnel I can read them or get rid of them, whatever makes sense at the time, after i had finished crying her visit and timely gift was the first memory that went  into the jar. 

I will see my GP again on Thursday maybe she can chase up the counselling, as you say hopefully we will both be better soon

Hugs and Best Wishes

Mary x

[Jill1998]

Ps you need a hug not a kick up the backside !!!

[Jill1998]

Hi Mary ,well you could just be describing me !!! Also having issues with anxiety and GP given me anti - depressants but agreed to leave it a few days and see how I feel.Like you I am reluctant and I would love to find another way .I have been going for acupuncture and saw a homeopath but sometimes the anxiety is overwhelming taking its toll on my family .Anti -depressants are not a quick fix are they !!! Oh for a magic wand ,my GP said there is an element of post traumatic stress involved for us all and it can manifest itself in all sorts of ways.I had to have a hysterectomy in April and have had complication after complication and normal life just seems to have been put on hold for so long !! You have been through a very long period of treatment and it really does take some time to recover .Lets hope we both feel better soon .Feel free to moan here -think my family and friends are coming to the end of their tether !!!!

[maryminder]

Hi Ladies

I have been using the forums since I was diagnosed in July 2016 and have found everyone to be so supportive (even at 3am ), I have also been able to offer support to others over the course of my treatment, I have made sure that I was completely involved in all decisions regarding my options, researched everything I could, questioned the medical team and honestly was a bit of a pain in the bum, but at least I maintained some control over what was happening, I finished active treatment at the end of March (mastectomy,chemo,radiotherapy) and began taking Hormone tabs and Ibandronic acid, these were stopped in June due to SE's including complete loss of appetite which is causing drastic weight loss, I will see my Onc at the end of August to discuss medication options again.

 I went on the Moving Forward Course, I am swimming exercising and to the outside world getting back on track, however I am really struggling with my emotions and anxiety at the moment and not sure what to do. I have been referred for counselling and my GP prescribed antidepressents but left it up to me weather or not I take them which I haven't yet, my family is very supportive but are all advising me to take them just for a little while but I am concerned that they can be addictive and take a while to come off them, ideally I would rather see the counseller and then decide after about the tablets. 

My life at the moment just seems to be joyless and sad and I hate the way it is affecting everything around me, sorry for rambling would really appreciate any wise words, are the pills the short term answer, am I just being silly, I am usually a very upbeat in control sort of person and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel it just seems so very far away at the moment.

Hugs and Best Wishes

Mary x