Hi there, I’ve just had my 7 year mammogram NED but I can’t get the fear of it coming back out of my head. I’m already on venlafaxine and do cbt! I’m a lost cause! I’ve known a few ladies who it has come back for 8-10 years down the line so I’m terrified. Keep thinking ive got brain met symptoms don’t feel like I can talk to anyone as I ‘should be over it by now’! X
Hi Lynsey
That’s wonderful news. 7 years NED. Statistically that must be very promising. But I understand completely what you’re saying. I’ve got my first post-treatment mammogram coming up and I’ve also recently seen my NPI score which fell into the bottom category so, although I faced year 1 with zero fear of cancer (too busy being afraid of other things), I start year 2 riddled with the same fear as you. However, I emailed my breast care nurse about being so stupid as to google NPI5.5 and got a lovely reply. Basically she said no one can know if it will come back, regardless of the stats. If I had a 98% chance of recurrence, I could still be in the fortunate 2%. In the meantime though, I’d have wasted my life in misery and fear. She said I could choose to live in the “Yes, it’s coming back” camp or the “No, it’s not coming back” camp or chop and change between the two, A third option would be “Yes it might come back but who knows” and just enjoy the camping, as she put it. I rather liked that idea and decided I have a few toes in the Yes camp but am leaning heavily towards the Who Knows camp.
All I know is that fear is exhausting (I have lifelong phobias, well-experienced) and I can’t be adding to the fear I already have. You CAN talk to someone about it and your GP can make another referral for you to get the right person. Does your hospital have a Macmillan Service attached to it? They have counsellors who’ve talked to hundreds of people who feel the same way as you. My breast care nurse said she’s sees patients who were treated years ago but still need to come back for a Refresher pep talk - could you go back to yours? In the meantime, I’ve found YouTube a surprising gift! There are videos there free of charge that you can plug into and they really have made a difference for me. I recommend Progressive Hypnosis (Manifest Holistic Healing) and Michael Sealey or Good Vibes but you settle for what you like and what helps.
I hope you find some peace of mind. To go seven years NED but feel so fearful is heart-breaking and I think it’s time to share your burden a bit!
Take care,
Jan x