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Small wins make a big difference.


Small wins make a big difference.

Just wanted to share. Sorry if  it seems a bit OTT, but today for the first time since I was diagnosed at the end of December,I had some good news.


Went for my bone scan today and after worrying myself sick for days, I was given the all clear. My bones are good. Yeh. 


I live in France and I’ve really been thrown in the deep end learning  how the french health system works. I’ve no reference point. I wasn’t told how the bone scan works so me and my other half (OH) turned up for my 8.15 appointment early . Over here you have to allow time to be booked in and it’s not just a simple ‘ I’m here’. We were so early we got there before the receptionist. A very nice man took me in early and injected me with whatever nuclear isotope they use and told me to come back in two hours. 


I looked at him aghast, 2 more hours of waiting and stressing. I went back out and told the OH. Normally, when I go anywhere I take loads to do just in case. As luck would it ,today I’d taken nothing. So, we went back to the car and waited the required 2 hours for me to get radio active enough for the scan.


Went back to the department, it was all super efficient. As I was radio active I had to go to another waiting room away from the crowd. While I was in the loo emptying my insides into the toilet bowl ( again!) a nice young chap waited outside to take me straight to the scanner.


My first thought was’ B*llocks. I’d been trying to quietly waft my parker around the loo in my paranoia about  embarrassing toilet smells. By the  look of the bemused grin on his face, my efforts at discreet wafting were a failure.


The scan itself , was a bit claustrophobic in the beginning but I just closed my eyes and went into meditation mode. The hardest part of the proceedings was having to put my hands behind my head. It’s only been 3 weeks since my lumpectomy so that smarted a bit.


When, it was all finished and he told me to wait outside and the doctor would call me in to tell me the results I was totally unprepared for it. Doctor, now?!  Results, oh sh*t .


I sat in the waiting area not really taking in anything from the Paris Match magazine I was flicking through, mainly because I was working so hard at trying not create a Hollywood blockbuster disaster film script in my head. 


About 10 minutes after I sat down, the doctor called me in. Oh my god. No escaping this. He was very smiley but so what? I was about to sit down but he stayed standing up so I did. 

‘ Hi, they sent you to us because they thought that you might have some nasties in your bones. You don’t. Everything’s perfect.”  I wanted to hug him. ‘ Really, honestly?” I said hardly daring to believe what he’d just said. ‘. Yes’ said Dr Smiley ,’you’re all clear.”


Mentally, I floated out of that department and all the way home. OH , naturally, is also relieved. A clear bone bone scan is just one of many tests but it feels so good to have a ‘ normal ‘ result.


So, ladies ( & loved ones) ,if like me you’ve stressing and mentally torturing yourself in these early days, take heart. Small wins can hopefully become big ones. Spent years, loving my individuality and being different. When you’ve been feeling like your body has let you down, who knew the joy you could feel at being told ‘ Actually, that bit’s normal’😊