I’m not 100% sure why I’m writing on here but I thought getting it all out might help. I’m 34 and got diagnosed with high grade DCIS at the start of March. The plan was a mastectomy of the left breast with reconstruction at the same time. Now because of the virus I can’t have the reconstruction and I’m on a waiting list of people needing surgery that gets discussed and prioritised weekly. Whilst I’m pleased I’m on the list I’m worrying that I’m getting worse (every time I feel a pain) and that no-one is monitoring it while I’m getting beaten to the surgery slots every week by people with a more pressing surgery need. I totally understand this but it doesn’t make me feel any better… how will anyone know when I become most urgent?
It was also hard enough processing having a mastectomy but now knowing I’ll be flat on one side is heartbreaking. I just put on one of my favourite tops and burst in to tears knowing after surgery I’ll never be able to wear it (or half my wardrobe) again. Realistically I won’t be able to get reconstruction because the waiting list is looking like 2 years at least and my husband and I are hoping to have children (I had two missed miscarriages last year) so hopefully in 2 years I’ll have a small child and if I go in for surgery I won’t be able to look after them. Also it will be trickier because they’ll have had to cut off and throw away all of my breast skin. So I’m trying to make my peace now with always being uneven, for 40+ years.
It’s so hard not to spiral thinking about the what ifs etc and having all the uncertainly is driving me insane. There isn’t anything anyone can do or say but I needed to get it all out so I don’t keep it in and end up feeling bitter. I was in a rubbish situation before COVID but at least I had some options. I feel like all my options have gone now and I’m just fighting for any chance of surgery and this not spreading.
Hi , so sorry to read your thread. I completely understand how you are feeling. I had a mastectomy on Tuesday on my right breast and was told they wouldnt be doing a reconstruction right away as they have been told not to do them whilst this coronavirus pandemic is on. My consultant also said he is thinking of doing radiotherapy and chemotherapy so I would have to wait anyway for reconstruction which i fully understand but , being extremely self conscious and no self esteem I’m finding it very difficult to accept.
Whilst friends my mean well they really dont think before they speak and some of the comments they have said have been so insensitive .
Whilst I appreciate that I have to wait for these treatments ect , I’m worried also that I will probably have to wait a long time for reconstruction as they probably wont see it as important.
Then feel guilty and selfish for thinking like this whilst all this is going on.
I fully appreciate how you are feeling and hope that you do not have to wait to long at all xx
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, HEW.
My situation is a little similar. I was diagnosed with widespread, albeit low grade, DCIS in L breast, a week ago and the wait for mastectomy is indefinite. It totally sucks! I’m older than you (47) and have no kids (horrible experience with infertility, failed IVF and failed adoption, to which I now have to add the grief of losing my breast!) but the uncertainty is killing me. I feel selfish wishing I could get my surgery planned when there are people dying of Covid-19 but no one seems to understand the impact of just stopping “routine” operations. The effect on me psychologically is devastating. If you want a chat, I’m here!
So sad to read your , it’s not easy but do try to stay positive.Big hugs to you and hope this other Big C will start to abate soon. Do feel free to rant anytime you feel the need I will always try to help and support you.
how are you doing? I’m really struggling at the moment, especially as all the cancer help lines and the breast nurse phones are closed over the weekend.
sending hugs,
Hiya everyone, hope you are enjoying the lovely weather and the birdsong.
HEW, I know how you feel about being lopsided. Many women have one girl bigger than the other, so it would be my little one that got DCIS. After two surgeries, I have a Bcup and an FCup. I wanted a mastectomy which is not off the cards until my results call next week. I have used humour and jokingly refer to myself as boobalessa. I’d rather lose it than not be here at all. I guess it also helps I don’t like having big tits. C’est la vie.