I was diagnosed this week. I’ve had problems with my left breast for years and had a mammogram 12 months ago then again 2 weeks go.
Im having a mastectomy in 2 weeks as it will be difficult to shape my breast.
I am so scared I lost my twin to breast cancer 20 yeas ago and seem to focus on what she went through. Tonight I’ve got myself in a right tizzy and keep thinking I’m dying. Then I feel like I’m wishing it on myself. I know it’s because I’m scared but is this normal to feel like this?
Hi Jia
I am so sorry you find yourself here but you will find a lot of support on here from many ladies who found themselves in your position and each and everyone would and will categorically state that your feelings are absolutely normal. The diagnosis itself sets you on a rollercoaster path of emotions many ups and downs ranging from positivity to writing your will and getting your affairs in order.
It’s natural to worry about what happened to your twin but remember treatments have come a long way over the last 20 years and are continuing to improve all the time.
Keep talking to people on here they will help you through, there are many ladies who have had mastectomies and they will be along shortly to introduce themselves to you and will be able to give you so much advice and support.
Sending you positive vibes and hugs
Joemic x
Hi Jia,
Firstly welcome to the forum. There’s a great group of women on this site for support of all kinds, women who are going and have been through similar.
Being diagnosed does come as a great shock to most of us, so it’s quite natural to feel worried when you have just been diagnosed. In a way the hardest bit is the beginning, since once treatment starts you know something is being done and get in bit of a rhythm of treatment. Plus it takes time for it to sink in.
Really sorry to hear you lost your twin having breast cancer - I can see how that could intensify your worry. Breast cancer treatments, recovery and survival have all improved a lot over the past 20 years, even 10 years, with increased research and monitoring so please hold that to heart.
It sounds like it might be good for you to speak to a nurse at Breast Cancer Now, since they’ll be able to talk to you about your recent diagnosis and convey the improvements to treatment over the past 20 years. You can also ask to be put in touch with “someone like me”, where Breast Cancer Now matches you to a volunteer member who has a similar diagnosis/treatment. You might get some degree of reassurance from this and/or find ways to calm your mind, body and soul a tad.
You can also post messages to the nurse in the ask a nurse section of the forum.
Besides that, loads of people like me here. I was diagnosed nearly 5.5 years ago, in my early 40’s, am doing ok, and like to come back and post. It’s part of the new (post bc) me and I found reading the forum so helpful when I was diagnosed it’s a way of giving back to the special club, non of us would necessarily choose to join!
You should also be able to access counselling via your breast care nurse at your hospital, which might help. In some hospitals they are specially trained re how cancer can affect us and make us feel. I found the medical teams excellent.
When I was first diagnosed I couldn’t even bring myself to say breast cancer, I could only blurt out lump, whereas now I talk about it in a very day to day manner, and often do, since I firmly believe part of the reason it feels so difficult is because people don’t talk about it enough.
The best words of advice I was given…be kind and compassionate to yourself, take one day at a time, confide in a few friends and I know it’s easier said than done but try not to panic.
Do post again, I’m sure others will reply to you soon,
Seabreeze xxx
Hey Jia
I was also diagnosed this week and am struggling more with anxiety than my actual diagnosis. I keep telling people that I am not worried about what they have found but what they haven’t found. So unhelpful to spend all your time worrying about something that is so unlikely to happen but you just can’t help it!! I have found it so helpful to spk to the nurses on here…on Tuesday I just couldn’t get out of bed and a lady called Eve talked to me for nearly 2hrs and helped me get through my most difficult day. I also had a call with a wonderful lady from the “someone like me” programme on Friday and it really helped me to stay positive to. It has also helped to keep a list of all the facts I have been given and remember that in every conversation they say "it is treatable’ so sorry to hear about your twin?, I can understand that would make you more anxious. Sending you lots of love. 
Jia, I think most of us get a bit obsessed with death after a cancer diagnosis so don’t feel that your thoughts are abnormal, especially since you lost your sister to this disease. Keep choosing life and take every step forward in the direction that chooses life: treatment and lifestyle. I’m still here and doing well after a stage 3 locally advanced diagnosis in March 2017. Feel free to ask any questions as there are plenty of us here who understand. Sending hugs. X
Hi Jia, sorry that you have had to join this club. Having been diagnosed myself at the end of August, and recovering from a mastectomy nearly 6 weeks ago I hope I can reassure you a bit. Like the others say, treatments have come on leaps and bounds in the last few years. The diagnosis is not necessarily the death sentence it once was. You are bound to be more traumatised because of your sister’s bc all those years ago. Particularly being a twin I’m sure you were extremely close. However, this is your journey now and try to put those memories to one side and concentrate on yourself. You mention that you don’t think that reconstruction will be easy. Have they told you this? Again, there are so many types these days, you might be pleasantly surprised. I had an implant at the same time as the mastectomy and it did help me come to terms with the diagnosis and waking up still with a “breast”. Not everyone wants a reconstruction, and that’s fine too. Get as much support as you can from anywhere that is helpful. Do not use Dr Google! Thoughts & hugsx