You sound like a remarkable woman to me. As my ‘news’ got progressively worse, I numbed out. I ended up in treatment with no real idea of my diagnosis except 19/21 nodes were positive but my CT scan was clear so they’d done a fine job. 9 months later, I began to ask the questions most would have asked long ago and I’ve decided ignorance was bliss. I got through it, I know the risks, what more do I need now?
You deal with it in your own way and don't let anyone tell you there are better ways. Rabbit holes are good. I think our instinct kicks in to survive whatever is thrown at us - and you’ll find a lot is thrown! But it’s worth it, believe me.
I too needed to protect my husband who had a much better idea of the severity of the situation at times, like when I had sepsis and ‘felt fine,’ but he was a rock throughout. What’s important to remember though is that you’re going to need all your energy for yourself and you can’t look after him if it means neglecting yourself - he needs to find strategies/outlets for coping so he can appear strong at times when you don't feel it. You need his strength. I bought my husband a journal and asked him to keep a record of what was happening - he’d never have kept a personal journal but he admits that personal stuff crept in and it helped (he’s asked if he can throw it away now lol - asked??). There’s also support through Macmillan and your hospital, as well as Maggie’s and The Haven if you have access to them) as well as support here - if he’d use them. My husband wouldn’t.
I hope everything goes well. I guess I had a bad diagnosis but I got through it all. Sometimes it was total sh** but I did it, much to my amazement. Just numbed my mind and trusted my team to drag me through - and they gave more 100% plus. Then I found the funny side so I started my blog - it was my little voice in the cancer wilderness. In maybe sixth months’ time, I look forward to reading a post from you about how proud of yourself you feel, as you battle with your chemocurls and rediscover your tastebuds and wonder if it’s all really finished.
Take good care of yourself for the challenges and new experiences ahead. Look ahead.
a week ago I attended the clinic and today they confirmed that I have invasive ductal breast cancer grade 3 (not great) and 2 dodgy lymph nodes (not great) so Friday is my CT scan and next week the MRI and then another week of waiting before finding out if the m****r f****r has spread, also waiting for receptor results. So should get a sense of treatment plan in a week time.
I had a hell of an emotional week since last week but today I was strangely quite calm and focused but I can feel that I am getting down the rabbit hole as I am preparing myself for further bad results.
My husband has been great but today was a bit too much for him so it was funny I was the one comforting him after we had the results.
I am trying to stay strong and positive but it is a bit difficult to find some positives right now.
Reading this blog in the last week has been great and very useful in terms of info so I felt well prepared today when I saw the consultant and I liked the breast care nurse.