Progesterone, assorted other hormones and fluffy cake

[Lesley21]

Delly, watched Ethel and Ernest, cried at end, so touching and sweet.  Also Im with Charys, puzzled over your post too?  Not sure how/why you think you upset Moija, did I miss something? Xx

[Janey2]

Ethel and Earnest on record and Lady in the Van just wonderful - put it on now Lesley!!
Delly I'm confused too but lovely to have you back.
I re read my post mind you and blooming predictive text very odd and we didn't have any Kings in the house. Just the eldest step deciding to bring back one of the girls in every port, without checking out first - he seems hellbent on adopting every sailor trait he can!
Clair hope you're feeling calmer. We will need to do that coffee while we are both phasing returns!
Ps happy New Year's Eve eve eve eve eve hic (I've decided sod the heat - a gin and 2 red wines!). Hugs lovelies xx

[Charys]

I can't I'm still trying to figure out what you are referring to in your long post below. Lol I must have missed something major. ....or I'm not understanding the things you are alluding to. Something about meeting up , public forum , people have been told something ? Needs explaiming Delly doo dah. Lol

[delly]

If you ARE'N'T already watching -  DO watch NOW -  BBC1 - "Ethel and Earnest"   c/o Raymond Briggs of The Snowman"  fame. Excellent stuff xxxxxx  

[Charys]

Nope ....I am not getting it.....your long post below about you and moijan. Have I missed something?;

[delly]

Charys - cracked me up your droll ref to "fence panel" !!Maybe in TOO much of a fine feckle today. Praps to do with being invited AGAIN to a panto show by some friends, when I must have been soooo embarrassing to be with at last yrs - emphasis being on my being OVERLY enthusiastic in "audience participation". Love 'em I'm afraid, and get totally carried away. Yeh embarrassingly so xxxxx

[delly]

Well Hellooooo, my DARLIN people, 

Am currently on P4, temporarily "stunned" by such a stunning photo, but unfortunate disappointment for any of you's - it's of a CAT, Rubycat's  and faaaaar more interesting to me at the mo' than ANY woman.

Moijan - You must have misread my "teasing" jokey S.O.H, ref my reasons to arrange my "meet up in the flesh" with Sue, and had it down for another possible "Datenight Disaster" film. Took me TWO emails to convince you (her, Moijan) that my "desire" to meet Sue, was PURELY based on a "friendship" basis - HONEST!! But thanks for your concern Moijan .I think I must perhaps be more guarded in what I say or make it clearer. This lot on here all know me, so I tend not to think how I must read to someone looking on this thread that isn't so familiar with me. Thanks for feeling defensive for me though, that if things "didn't work out that w/end", not to feel too disappointed. I just hope you're doing better today and you/they find something that helps you. x

I may post my todays todays email to Sue, purely out of an interest for reaction to how it reads, cos I think it's one of the best bits of writing I've ever done. Yeh, Janey and Charys, all out of pain, with a bit of "panic" thrown in. that I'd said "SOMEthing" somewhere (??), that had been TOTALLY misunderstood, misconstrued. It may all be added into either my book or "The Fluffies" SITCOM!!

Still catchin up, but posting before "ttiming out happens" so forgive my departure. Some of you may be GLAD!!! xxxxx 

[Charys]

Yeahhhhhhhhh. .....fat...too true lolol I think I've gained a couple of pounds , still in normal BMI category though....just.

no idea about covonia Helena, the quickest way to get an answer I find is to speak to a pharmacist/ring them. They are far more astute about things like this the most other medical peeps.

Yo Delly.....my frikkin ipad has clapped out, needs apple hospital. Therefore one fingered typing on phone and not able to fully respond with the deserved quantity of vocabulary to your loving post/s. So glad we've all made a difference to you...snd YOU have to us too! Sowwyyyy ...missed people out here in this post but can't cope with this sllooowwwwwww one finger thing

[Dizzybee]

Hi everyone, loads to catch up on. I've just spent the day with my sister and family, about a dozen of us altogether so slightly manic in good way. My younger son went back home this morning, missing him already.

Delly, glad to hear you sounding so positive about things, you must have enjoyed your visit to the uncle and aunt/ friends. We will meet up, let's do it.

Helena, hope that cold improves quickly, it sounds really rough, and just typical to have one at completely the wrong time.

Follow up appointments...I think I see someone from the rads team in a few weeks but apart from that I don't think I get any follow up unless I refer myself. But I'm supposed to have the symmetrising surgery six months after the end of rads so I don't know how that happens. But it sounds like they're all a bit lackadaisical everywhere about scheduling follow ups. I wish I didn't have that other surgery hanging over me, I feel like an unfinished project at the moment.

We're slowly eating our way through the chocolates and all the other Christmas temptations, though I've come back from my sister's with a fresh supply of chocolates. But I'm beginning to think about wanting to clear out all the naughty stuff and start the diet soon.

[delly]

So sorry, had phone call so got diverted away from ALL OF YOU. Give me a bit of time to catch up or just tell me to bogoff. If the latter - tough tits!!! hahaha xxxx

[Lesley21]

Beth, that's  hilarious!  Think we can all relate to that. Just listening to the news about how fat and unfit we all are.  Having said that, Im not  overweight but I have become very unfit/untoned over the last few months xx

[Lesley21]

Janey, that's a stunning photo, very arty.  Helena, Havent a clue what  you can and cannot take with tamo.  I was (and am about to start again in the new year) anastrozole.  I took painkillers virtually everyday when I was on it and did take a tickly cough mixture for a few days.  Didnt occur to me to check whether it was ok or not, you're very sensible checking.

Ive got Lady in the Van still to watch, got so much on Sky+ recorded over the Christmas, going to save it for the dull days in January when it all goes flat and dull.  At the moment I'm quite enjoying just sitting looking at the Christmas tree lights, I've really enjoyed them this year, will miss them when it's time yo take them down.

Delly, Lovely to have you back,  missed you xx

[Beth123]

Evening all

been catching up on all your posts today. I was told by the Review Radiographer that I won't be seeing the oncologist again because she doesn't feel the need to see me apparently. I am booked in to see the surgical team at the start of April but that's only 7 months from diagnosis so I don't really know what is happening. Think I might put a call in to my BCN in the new year just to double check what they do around here. 

Helena - I had a head cold before my rads and the nurses on the BCC forum told me that it was ok to take Day and Night Nurse tablets. I always swear by them so could be worth a go.

delly - you're back!! It's been quiet on here without you lol 

I'm intrigued by the poor lad who brought a 'friend' home!! Oh to be young and carefree!! Think we've all lost that feeling of being invincible as a 20 something that's for sure!! 

Think we may take the pooch down the beach in the next couple of days too. Best way to clear the cobwebs. 

Took a sleeping tablet last night that the doc had given me a few weeks after surgery. Never ever taken one before but did last night. 10 hours sleep later and I'm up!! Wow. Think that'll be for emergencies only from now on and certainly not a school night!! Wasn't even aware of any night time flushes! Bliss. 

Saw as this today and thought it very appropriate as I think I've eaten my body weight in chocolate the last few days..... Xxx

[Cla46]

Janey, beach walk pictures are just the best xx

[Janey2]

Me and my shadow or him and his - my head is enormous! Lovely day on the beach with OH. 

Lovely to see you back Delly and Helena rotten to feel rotten and put up with rads. Hope you feel brighter tomorrow. Now cosying up with Lady in the Van here - then more turkey!! Xx

[Janey2]

[delly]

Hey Helena,

Nurse Delly's here. Come to mop your brow, soothe, feed you necessary or unecessary required local anaesthetic - alcohol related. Awwwwww, poor little chummy. Sorry you're feeling s**t. Truely FEEL for you darlin - flippin tough. We're all here for you to complain, let rip to and hopefully reach you through the frustrating ETHER as we can't in actual person. I know you've a long SLOG to go yet and wish you didn't have it.

Delly's "Hug of the Day" goes to . . . . what d'ya mean you've lost my attempt at a "Janey and Charys like" organised list?!!!! Shucks, I don't even need it, 'cos it goes to "Sweet"Sue. SUE - an "innocently" (some of you please NOTE!) VERY loooooong, warm, but also very tight famous Delly hug  to you  Sue-Hooo. You got it ?? Shall be giving you one in person very soon (again innocently) so prepare yourself. Have plenty of replacement red nose light bulbs at hand cos I think a few may pop and that means a repeat replay. Same goes for any of you's, you hear. You're ALL like little (or big, - not gonna single you out for that one!!) sparkly gems in Delly's life. Have made a HUGE, massive, MAJOR impact on me and my life - I can't even begin to tell you that enough - honestly. Oh flip, where are the tissues!! Umph. Mean it though - you reeeeally do NOT know and need to hear.

FROM

SoGladChristmasIsOverSoNoLongerHaveToDo"Bull"DingFlippinDongsNoMoreDelly  !! hahahee  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

[delly]

Oh , and it's of HUGE, MASSIVE IMPORTANCE to ME, that we MEET UP in the FLESH as Sue and I will be doing.

YOU ALL GETTING THIS. I WILL make sure, and come and DRAG you ALL kicking and SCREEEAMING, however much you're all trying to AVOID me !!!

xxxxxxx

[delly]

OY - just when you thought you'd got rid and all that. I could hear you talking about me you know. 

Boy, have I missed you lot - keep telling you, you're "almost" an addictive drug.

I've just received two very concerned private PMs from MOIJAN (have already thanked her profusely, so yes, I DID remember my manners and acknowledge where very much needed and appreciated. Tho manners weren't needed, it was simply a heartfelt honourableness).

Have not even begun to catch up on all your antics, Brian Rix farces, Christmas SHENANIGANS. Can't wait !!!! and will be doing straight after this. But not without saying in my known "Delly" way, You Lot of "Loose women", Wonderwomen, made, no CREATED !! such a much more enjoyable Xmas Day than the previous FIVE!! I truely thank you all for it. Shame I just didn't have you in the FLESH, Boxing Day morning to pick me up off the emotional floor and last night.

Am not gonna keep you tho', am too interested to catch up, but not without first making my heartfelt feeling known. Am good today.

What was it I said? LOVE you all to bits and back to a WHOLE AGAIN. Can someone please put that in my "epitaph" as my desired final location on departing this planet will not involve a gravestone - will be in the SEA, along with all the other undesirable S*1T !! and detritous rubbish.

Meeeee !!! You're all so flippin cute and so close, I don't even need to sign my name. xxxxxxxxxx & xxxxxxxxxxx

[Lesley21]

As Helena said, it differs so much from area to area.  My follow up with the BC consultant was made for the following year at my appointment with him following my 2 week follow up after op.  My oncologist was at local hospital where I had my surgery (had to travel to next County for rads) and again, rads follow up appointment was made at end of first appointment with him before rads, so organised.  Also because rads were in another County transport door to door was laid on.  However, I haven't had all the other services others have had, counselling, massage, diet advice etc, just been left to my own devices.

Its freezing here but lovely and sunny.  My sister flies back from Florida tonight, lands here tomorrow morning, think it's going to a shock to her system, been in the 80's there, hope she's got her thermals handy 

[Charys]

Clair....I had exactly the same! Finished rads in June and was told I would have the follow up 'after summer'. Come October I'd heard nothing , called and I'd been 'lost' in the system. ...so ended up having a rads follow up in November !! Be careful it doesn't push your next appointment on too far with the surgeon , it did mine, the referral back to ger beimg so late meant it would have been over a year since diagnosis. So...I made sure they brought that forwards. Glad you've managed to get through your rads lady H...quite miserable with a grotty cold as you don't want to do anything let alone go and be fried. X

[Lesley21]

Clair, that sucks!  Honestly, it's not that difficult is it, just make the appointment on last day of rads.  The last thing anyone needs when dealing with fatigue/after effects of rads is extra stress.

Helena, you should have had your zap by now, hope you managed not to sneeze or cough during it, always a big worry for me when I was having mine as I suffer from random sneezing fits.  Let us know how it went.

Janey, sounds intriguing!  Hope you managed to get your walk in and it made you feel better xx

Managed to change himself's shirts though the two he chose were more expensive, but he rarely spends anything on himself so I was more than happy to fork out the extra pennies.  Met some friends after for a quick drink in the pub (I stuck to cranberry juice).

Nothing from Delly yet, hoping everything ok xx

[Cla46]

Sorry ladies I need to vent .... I'm so fed up !

When I finished rads they said I'd get a review appointment in the post within a few weeks ,well I heard nothing so rang just before Christmas  to see what was happening and the oncology lady I spoke to said she had no idea about me and would chase it up. I still heard nothing so rang again today only to be told to ring the rads team . The long and the short of it is I'd been forgotten about no one had put in for a referral . Finally after speaking to several people a lovely lady is sorting it out well hopefully . 

Your trips out sound lovely 🙂 I'm sat in my pjs as I'm not feeling great today . 

Thank you for listening to me moan on . 

Helena and Lesley hope your both feeling a bit better today xx xx 

hugs and love Clair xxxx 

[Janey2]

Thanks Helena. Just heading off now. Eldest sloped off when not last I king, so think discussions may continue later! I'm through or at least was almost through menopause too pre diagnosis, due to last brush with cancer. I am coping ok with flushes I think thanks to acupuncture but it's the fatigue. Hoping a stroll along our favourite beach will clear lots of cobwebs. It's very lovely and hoping sun will stay out!
Have lovely days and hope the sun is shining for everyone xxx

[Janey2]

Morning glories! Another quickie from me. One of my favourite days of the year today. OH and I off to Putsborough beach for a walk - well at least I hope so. The eldest boy decided to come home with a "friend" last night and the proverbial is about to hit the fan! I'm keeping clear I think until the shouting subsides. Ho him ...
I'm not sure about taking tablets in the morning rather than evening. I think it makes me feel even worse during the day, although I think I'm possibly not as hot at night - definitely don't think it will be conducive to work sadly. Anyway will persevere, as Christmas busy may have also had impact.
Big hugs and big love to you all. Xxx

[Lesley21]

Right back at you Clair, and to everyone else too.  Helena, hope you get on ok today.  After starting the night sweats early last night, i actually slept 4 hours in one go which is brilliant.

Off to town today to change two shirts I got for himself as gifts, both too small, and he hasn't put on weight, they must be making them smaller xx

[Cla46]

Morning everyone, have a Great day xxx

[Lesley21]

White wine Helena, prefer red but again when my head is going through a bad spell like the last few months dare not risk it as can trigger migraine.  Haven't touched red for about six months now.  Remember Janey saying ages ago that sweet things aggravated her menopause symptoms, i don't often eat chocolaté but when I do it doesent usuall'y  affect me as long as it's milk, now it seems it does.  Off to bed now to sweat/flush xx

[Lesley21]

Didn't enjoy the wine, seem to have gone off it so opened the only chocs I have in the house, small box of Quality Street, now the sweat is running off me like Niagara Falls, obviously I can't eat chocolate now.  Flipping heck, I know I can't eat dark chocolate which I love because it can trigger a migraine but usually ok with milk chocolate.  Soon there won't be any pleasures left to me 😫Xx

[Cla46]

😄 :-D. Love it 😄

[Lesley21]

Just Had the biggest laugh for ages, received an email with photo attached -  one of our friends tripped over the coffee table on Christmas Eve night (he'd had a few) Got a real shiner of a black eye and cut.  This morning they were walking the dog and a cyclist overtook them, looked back and said "bet you wish you'd got her a decent Christmas present now don't you mate?" Xx

[Cla46]

I've got a.meeting with my boss next Tues just to go through a few things and then I'll be back on a phased return the following Monday it's only 3 hours for 3 days with a rest day in between then the following week everyday for 4 hours then full time the following week. I totally love what I do but it is physically and mentally draining I just hope I'll have the stamina to cope.
When I was having rads the team there said they could prescribe other medicines if they needed to, so if you can't get in to see your Dr just have a word with them and see if they can help. Xxxx
Lesley I'm sadly a very impatient person when it comes to my own goals but I am learning the hard way, we're having a quiet few days now with no visitors so hopefully I'll pick up xxx

[Lesley21]

He's much better thanks Helena, Not 100% but with all his health problems that's never going to happen.  He's certainly more chirpy.  He went out for supplies today and is now snoozing, between the two of us were a right pair.  

Clair, just rest up, its early days yet.  Same for you Beth, you haven't even reached "the peak" yet so don't push yourself, it will get better.

Just poured a vino, was going to stop but thought I'd wait until January, thats my date for getting back to my old walking and healthy eating routine which all went out the window since diagnoses in May.  Got to dig my walking boots and waterproofs out and dust them off.

[Cla46]

Hello lovelies, Helena sorry to hear your still feeling poorly I hope it doesn't turn into an infection xxx
I'm totally shattered from the last couple of days and the run up to it all so I've politely cancelled any more get togethers for a bit. I just can't get used to this tiredness and it's so frustrating. It's also making me feel a bit down again. I'm totally panicking about how I'll cope going back to work. It's weird how some days I feel great then all of a sudden it hits me and I can't deal with anything. I know you all get it and I can just vent it out lots of hugs and love Clair xxxxx

[Lesley21]

Oh dear Helena, you probably need antibiotics if it's an infection.  You'll have to phone the rads people first thing and see what they say.  I know I read on someone's post in the Rads thread a while ago that they were told to continue when they had a cold, but not sure if same applies with infection.  Sending you a big hug xx

[Beth123]

Hi everyone 

hope you all had a lovely Christmas and Boxing Day. Ours has been really quiet which is just what was needed. We ventured out today and even though we were only up town for an hour, I'm absolutely pooped now. Need to get my strength and energy back somehow. Wearing a bra is still painful and I can't figure out why the  pressure it puts on that one scar and rads burn makes me feel so sickly. Take the bra off, and within minutes I don't feel sick anymore. Hope that passes soon. 

Helena, I hope your throat and cold feel better soon. Fighting any kind of bug or infection is harder during rads as your body is already dealing with one set of healing. A visit to your GP is not a bad idea at all, worth getting checked out in case you need antibiotics for your throat. 

Sleep has deserted me again and I resorted to taking a Nytol on Christmas night. Did the trick and slept so well but after googling yesterday I found that it doesn't go well with tamoxifen so I'd better not take any more just in case. So for now, sleep will remain a luxury that comes and goes!!

time for some TV now, The King and I is on so that'll do!

beth xx

[Lesley21]

Like Janey just checking in.  Hope you're feeling better today Helena, and hope you had a lovely day yesterday with aunt and uncle Delly.

Expect most of you are recovering from the exertions of the last few days, whatever you're doing I hope you're all feeling well and happy.

Yes Janey, pooey 2016, still at it, sure we will all be glad to kick its a**e goodbye in a few days xx

[Janey2]

Good morning you lovely lot. Apologies to holder of the register for going AWOL, but a quick hello this morning. I hope that throat is shifting. I wondered if it was connected with rads and/or fatigue, as that's what I was and still am like - a sense I'm going down with something.
Hope you've all had a lovely few days. It's been a bit full on here with a houseful. Daughter and her partner now back in Padstow and parents off today, so a little quieter around here. Lovely to see everyone though. 2016 doesn't seem to be done yet with Rick, George and Nana all gone too. I was a closet Wham! fan, even though it wasn't that cool.
I'm being very lazy and following advice not to scroll down too far, as I think I'll get confused. I did see you being very kind about me and Charys Delly, so thank you. I hope you had a lovely Boxing Day and I reckon you are definitely ready for change. Brilliant to have neighbours on side and impressed with those lists!
Love to all you beauties xxxx ps my tete a tete not there but snowdrop watch has begun!
Mahoosive hugs xxx

[Dizzybee]

I have some Tete a Tete in the garden, but mine aren't anywhere near flowering, and they're in a sunny spot. Besides, I think these were normal size not miniature. Whatever these are, I want them! It's so nice to see spring flowers already. And they looked so natural, growing in clumps by a stream.

I've just done some googling and decided they must be Rijnvelds Early Sensation, full size flowers that open by Christmas. 

Hope the chest is better soon, whisky with honey and lemon is good, or my favourite, whisky Mac (whisky with ginger wine) And at least you've got another day off before the fray.

[Dizzybee]

Hello all! I've got to the mellow part of Christmas now, the fridge is still full and we're all stuffed anyway. We went to the beach at Lulworth this afternoon to take Daisy for a paddle, but it was freezing, so we only stayed about twenty minutes. Yesterday we had slight hiccup when the sky box died, so we had no TV all day, but we got it going today and downloaded a couple of things we missed. 

Lesley, I really feel for you with the noisy children, they do my head in every time. So I hope yours recovers quickly.

Helena, another cold or the same one? I got one before I started rads and it's still hanging around, it feels like forever. I don't know whether it's just local, but it seems to have been a really bad winter for colds, I know lots of people who were really poorly with them.

Just to cheer you all up, I saw the first daffodils open today, wish I'd taken a photo. There's a cute spot by an old mill where the daffodils always come out really early, it always makes me smile. Last year they were out in November, every year I decide I need to find where you can buy the bulbs. All you people who know everything, any ideas? I know you can buy January Gold online, is there an earlier flowering variety?

I seem to have reached a really gross spotty stage with the rads, but I am back to wearing a bra. So the lessons in taking it off while fully dressed haven't been put into practice yet, but thanks to Beth and Helena for the instructions, we decided you two must have had a misspent youth...

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the holiday, don't suppose Delly is online but sending special wishes for a good time with the auntie and uncle.

Hugs to all

xx

[Lesley21]

Clair, don't lose, cheat xx

[Lesley21]

Oh dear Helena, just what you need, not!  What a thoughtful present from your boss.  I used to really feel the cold, now I'm just hot, hot hot, hate it.

Yes, if my friend wasnt so lovely it would be easy to hate her, as, as well as being a fantastic cook, she gardens, sews, decorates and is stunning to look at, she has been by my side all through this rotten BC stuff even though her life is so busy.

Really hope you get a good nights sleep xx

[Cla46]

It was me lovely lady H :-D. Get roaring xxxx
Just a quick one as I'm playing board games with the family and it's nearly my turn and I'm losing as always xxxx

[Lesley21]

Oh poor Helena, hope it's just one of those 24 hour thingies and you're better by Wednesday.  Nurse Lesley prescribes a day in bed for you tomorrow, lots of hot toddies.

Not long back from spending day at my friends house.  She's is super woman personified!  Works full time as a nurse, huge house (always perfectly spotless) 5 grown up children and 12 grandchildren, every single one of them there today.  She laid on a magnificent lunch and supper, everything made from scratch, but the noise those children made, my poor head is thumping.  She kept saying, hang on, they'll be going home soon but they out staminered me so home to blissful peace and quiet, painkillers, cuppa and soon to bed hoping for some sleep.

Hope you're all enjoying your Boxing Day, whether it be dancing on tables or sitting braless in front of the telly stuffing chocolates.

Helena and Charys, you say it's cold where you are, Not here, or maybe it's my flushes but haven't got the heating on and as soon as I got in I peeled off my clothes and am laying on the sofa in my undies feeling like I'm in a sauna xx

[Charys]

Oh no that was someone else with roaring. ...Clair or Beth? I said to get out in the freezing cold and kill the germs off. Perfect its getting really cold tonight, at 0 degrees here now.....I advise popping out and snorting in the air up your nozzle. Itll either help, or make you feel really rubbish. Could go either way sorry lol

[Charys]

.......and to dizzybee, Lesley and lady H. I can't edit on the phobe still...maybe there is a way ? Just hacked into the Xmas cake.

[Charys]

I don't think you've upset anyone about dressing up cats ! Stress-ye-not.....olde English wordes used there. Hey Clair amd rubycat. ....happiest of boxing days to yOU.

[Charys]

Anoootherrr cold Helena ! Nooooooooo. I'm sure it was you who had one the week before you started rads wasn't it ?

Delly-pops, just seen a really long post from you below and read it to the best of my ability on this darned weeny phone screen. I saw you said sonething nice about me AGAIN ...stop it you little flatterer, or I'll be forced to do something horrid like ...errrr.....push down a fence panel lol. Anyway....I do hope you are a wee bit less emotional, teary sad emotional. X

Sorry not caught up with all other posts yet....you know how it is....festive commitments and all that.

[rubycat]

Yeah, got a BIG FLASHING RED NOSE HUG, billion thanks Dellywellydingdongdoodah.  Know it was on Christmas Eve, but have just got rid of son & girlfriend for a couple of hours, so first things first and here I am.  And I missed message 2000, hope there were bangs and whistles. And MORE cat piccies, hooray, and snow globe piccy from Charys.  Shall have to find a piccy of Taro the Bengal kitten that is staying with us - Ruby has only seen her through the patio windows where they sheepishly (or cattily) looked amazed at each other, and half-heartedly did a bit of fur raising and semi fang waving.

Hope you've all got through Chrimble Day happily, and Boxing Day is equally splendiferous.  Got more catching up to do, on page 6 at the mo.  Might be tomorrow before I see you again. Love n stuff xxxYeah, I did it, here's Taro

[delly]

Errrrr, i heard you all breathe a "Sigh of Relief" earlier, when I said I wouldn't be back till tomorrow.  Soooo, I thought I'd catch you all out with a very cheeky, sneaky visit. So Ha bloomin Ha - tough boobies babes. That's "Sha Up Essex" speaky again. Apologies to those of you who are actually from Essex!! Yes I AM taking the Proverbial 'P' again.

I'm sorry about this, 'cos I don't want to be a "downer" on all your lovely days, so forgive me for that but I find it's good for me to get it out on here sometimes. And thank you, in advance for your patience and allowing me to offload.

I'm in a right state today. Managed to keep myself together yesterday up until coming off the phone to SweetSue and before my last post. Terribly teary, but letting it out. I'm soooooo glad I'm going to be in the company today, of people who are so very dear to me and that I love and care so much about. Who were life long friends of my parents, have known me from being born and that I know love me equally as much. Very "special" to me in other words. Think it's gonna be giggly, but also teary and emotional.

I was saying to Sue, last night, and I'm probably repeating myself on here, how I used to be a very emotionally retentive person, controlled, "private", difficult to read, didn't wear my emotions on my sleeve. Someone who couldn't/wouldn't cry in front of people - used to do it in my own privacy. Don't know why, guess "stiff upper lip" n all that, right from being a child.

Well, ALL of that CHANGED, and suddenly. And it was all down to my Dads terminal diagnosis, and being given a year and a half to live. All I wanted to do from that point on, was to tell him how much I loved him, what a brilliant Dad he'd been, and make the absolute most of what treasured time I had left "with" and "of" him. How bloomin sad that it took some drastic for me to be able to be that much more VERBALLY demonstrative - speak my feelings. I've always been a very physically affectionate person so I did always "show" it. But, I realised, to actually speak your feelings is equally, if not that much more important. And from then on, it has extended to everyone and anyone who's already part of, or that comes into my life. It's been a major part in what makes me that much more of a compassionate person, not just the BC experience and loss of other family etc. I think it was Charys I said this to recently, because she kindly remarked on what a compassionate and caring person I was, but she, and Janey are almost shockingly insightful, perceptive women (thanks both of you). What she recognised, is that much of it comes from a position of "pain", and all of that was just from stuff I've written in posts !! What I write, how I write, the upset stuff and even the funny, droll stuff.

All the loveydovey stuff I put down on here to all of you and ANYbody, is all very genuine and seriously heartfelt. Even though I haven't actually met you (which I keep threatening IS going to change !! I'm determined in that it will happen someday hopefully soon, even if I do have to come and physically drag you myself !!), it doesn't stop you feeling. As I mentioned to someone last night - I think it was Teasel - you CAN and DO actually "feel" the love, care, support, empathy, compassion, passion even. This thread literally  "Ooooozes" it. In fact, the whole Forum "oooozes it. But this thread in particular.

Sooooo, I just wanted to say all of that - verbalise it. And I'll keep saying/repeating it, no doubt. So you all have to put up with it I'm afraid - tough, so there.

Now all bogoff and let me get on with what I'm supposed to be doin - you're all makin me late. S'all your faults !!!!

Love all of yers to bits, and back to a whole again <<< aww nice ey

Dellywellydingdong xxxxxxxxx