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From relief back to anguish

2 REPLIES 2
tracieisla
Member

Re: From relief back to anguish

Thank you for your reply, of course I know you are completely right in what you say, I suppose I first got the news and went into a self pitying meltdown , I spent the whole day crying and asking why me ?  Feeling angry as I thought all was ok but then I felt my world come crashing down around me again 4 months down the line from my mammogram. Today I've woke up with a completely different mindset thinking I'm going to fight whatever lies ahead,I've still not told my daughter I think once I've had the biopsy and know what lies ahead that will be the time to tell her. Reading people's experiences on here helps , lots of brave strong people and I feel I'm not alone in this battle ahead, I did Google I couldn't help myself ,  but no more , thank you for your advice Jan, I wish you well Tracie

Jaybro
Member

Re: From relief back to anguish

Hi Tracie

I can understand your anxiety. I had a clear mammogram, no lumps, just 2 tiny new freckles on my areola. Both my doctor and breast consultant told me I had nothing to worry about as I had a clear ultrasound too and I wasn’t worried - I’d only gone because my mother had had 2 different episodes of breast cancer. Then the biopsy on the freckles tested positive for cancer and, 4 diagnoses later, I was well and truly into cancerworld.

It is probable that you do have cancer but, you know, there are so many stages and grades and sub stages and hormones and proteins… I could go on and the combination is unique to the patient and informs the treatment. At this stage, a lot is unknown so please don’t start scouring the internet and second-guessing the consultant. For all you know, this may be caught early so why worry yourself sick about some possibility that’s not a probability.

This is not the time to worry about what to tell people - how they deal with it has to be their problem because you cant change the facts. Hiding the facts doesn’t help because you need all the support you can get, particularly as you’re living abroad. I confess it was my first thought  - how am I going to tell my husband - and of course he leapt to the worst possible scenario and hasn’t shifted. I’m pretty laid back about my diagnosis - I can’t change it so why worry - but my husband’s negativity really brings me down. So I speak from experience when I say you have to let others own their own feelings unless it impinges on your recovery. Be open and honest with those you choose to tell.

A lot may lie ahead but it is all manageable. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable, sometimes scary, but you will manage it all in your own way and get through it. Right now, the best thing you can do is to work on your anxiety or you will be fearful all the way through. Practise whatever you do to relax every day, whether it’s yoga, meditation, mindfulness, baking, running… my approach was/is to plug into a meditation by Progressive Hypnosis, free on Youtube, every day and it’s seen me through some tough times. You’re living in the world of mañana and there’s no better approach to this than one day at a time.

I wish you all the best and hope you get some good news soon.

Jan x

 

tracieisla
Member

From relief back to anguish

 I now live in Spain and back in February I felt a lump in my breast , I made an appointment to see a doctor with my translator (my Spanish is limited) , he agreed there was a lump there and sent me for a mammogram which happened in march ,I received the test back in may ,because it had been a long wait I was assuming everything would be ok and it would turn out to be negative,  which it did, the relief I felt was immense, however it didn't explain why the lump was still there and begrudgingly the doctor made an appointment for an ultrasound which I had yesterday , alarmingly it turns out they think it is highly likely to be malignent, birad 5,I honestly can't believe this has happened and awaiting biopsy with terrible anxiety and anguish, I now have to face telling my daughter who was so relieved when I got the negative result, I'm at my wit's end