A Year Today...

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Living with breast cancer
1

Hello all

I had my diagnosis a year ago today.  I am not really sure how I feel today, and I just wanted to post here, to reflect a bit about that year and ask how others felt at this point.

I haven’t been able to “move forward” about my diagnosis all that well.  I still think about it ALL the time.  I had surgery and radiotherapy, and now I am on hormone treatment.  As far as the statistics go, I am very fortunate.  Lots of people tell me how lucky I am, but I haven’t quite caught up with that view myself yet.  I will, and perhaps today is the day I can say I survived a year, and now I can start that path of positivity.  I think I am held back a bit by the fact that I have significant caring responsibilities for a very disabled (adult) child, and that weighs very heavily on my mind.

So, for those who are ahead of me on this path, how are you feeling today?

Can you send over some hugs, I think I am in need today…

Much love to you all xx

2

Hi thurnefi

 

Ruth? It doesn’t matter :slight_smile: First, congratulations on an important milestone. Mine passed without my noticing. I think it was this Christmas Eve, the first anniversary of my first chemo, that I felt something celebratory - perhaps knowing how far I’d come. I’m struggling with joint and muscle pain from HT (which I hope to have resolved a a few weeks by changing brand) and have good days and bad days. Today is good because I had acupuncture at the Haven, unfortunately my last free session.

 

The emotional tsunami of a cancer diagnosis is often overlooked and always underestimated. It’s horrid when people say how lucky you’ve been, when you don’t feel it. Lucky compared to who? No one knows what’s going on in your head and your heart. I don’t consider you’re luckier than me because you didn’t have to have chemo. You still had to deal with the same horrid and scary stuff like shock. As for the stats, forget them. They are for scientists, not people.  The odds could be 98% against you and you could still be in that 2% so why waste time thinking about them - what will be, will be. With your additional responsibilities, it would be a lot easier to tuck the stats at the back of your mind as something you can’t do anything about - a bit like that meteor that might strike the earth.

 

I think you have to have been through it yourself to truly ‘get it’ but this man does, I think, get it. This is an article I found tremendously useful and I read it repeatedly. I first came across it when one of the nurses here included it in a reply to someone and I’ve been asking for an articles bank or something so it doesn’t get lost again. Anyway, I hope you decide to read it and think about what he says: workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

 

Sending you a big hug,

Jan x

 

3

Hi,

I’ve just finished watching last nights episode of Cold Feet and it really struck a cord with me prompting me to join this forum. My first little browse and I find the topic that I am struggling with!!

I was diagnosed in Dec 2018. I had a lumpectomy in Jan 19 and radiotherapy in March/April 19. Im on Tamoxifen. I ran my very first half marathon in June!!! After the initial fear of diagnosis I was totally positive and I felt blessed that my treatment was trouble free. I felt a fraud because I did so well was fortunate enough not to have chemotherapy. 
My anxiety started around my first yearly mammogram in December 19. I was recalled for a magnified mammo on Xmas Eve. It brought back lots of memories and I wasn’t really prepared for that. I was thankfully given the all clear and saw my consultant last week who was happy. I should be happy!! But I’m not … I’m constantly thinking that it’s going to come back. I’m getting annoyed with myself as I’ve got through the last year so strong and positive. People, including me think I’m all ok and over it, but I’m suddenly struggling again and finding it difficult to understand. 

Hopefully we will both get some reassurance from this forum. 
Big hug to you xx

4

Hi thurnefi,

Congratulations on reaching this significant anniversary. Just wanted to echo the kind thoughts and wishes of the other forum users and to say, in a gentle way, to try to remember to take a little time out for yourself once in a while, as you have been through a lot and need time to process what has happened and find your “new normal”-something which can be difficult to do at first, but may come just a little easier with practice.

I apologise if my comments come across as clumsy in any way - that was not my intention!

Sending big hugs,

Louise.x

5

Dear thurnefi

 

Congratulations on your first anniversary - think of it as the first of many! 

 

I also found that I thought about the cancer all the time at that stage. It is normal - you’ve been through such a lot physically and emotionally and have the added concern of someone totally dependent.

 

I don’t do stats - I’m sure somewhere there will be a study that shows the world will end tomorrow!

 

I’m almost at my 6th anniversary and, like many of us with bc, I still have good days and bad days emotionally - more good than bad now.  Mostly, other people, including family, (apart from my darling husband who has always “been there” for me) don’t mention the breast cancer unless I do - I look quite normal! (Bit podgy round the middle, thanks Tamoxifen, but definitely normal.)

 

I think it is hard for other people to understand the enormity of what we have gone, and GO through.  It’s still a rare a day without thinking, at some point, “what if it comes back?”, “is that twinge something new beginning?”, or a day without living with the side effects of Tamoxifen, made worse by the pharmacy’s struggle to maintain a consistent supply of one brand, the joint pains, flushes and night sweats……… et al, I seem to have all the side effects going and a few others thrown in for good measure! The fear of a return or spread is always there though I can conquer it most of the time.  We’re not lucky we’re strong - look what we’ve achieved so far!

 

BUT, there is a joy in knowing that we have “come out the other side”, that the sun still makes gorgeous sunsets, the frost is beautiful, that I’ve just spent five minutes watching a female blackbird devouring the apple I put out in the garden, that I’ve been for a walk with my husband……  There are so many things to enjoy that there isn’t time to be gloomy. The dark thoughts are there at the back but are crowded out by the things I can still do! 

 

And Wonky, the “book doesn’t close”, however, you can turn the page.  The destruction that is breast cancer will always be part of our lives - although it is only part.

 

So, it’s taken time, and though six years on I still acknowledge the devastating thing that is breast cancer, I have realised that there is much more to me and to life. 

 

Sending hugs to you all. xxx

6

Hi

I’m 11 months after finding my lump. 9 months after surgery and 5 months after radiotherapy. I really do consider myself lucky. I’m finding life really hard. Work is difficult, supportive employer but not so much line manager.

I’m working through this and have homeopathic medicine to help with effects of Tamoxifen (only 9 yrs and 3 mths more to go).

I’m finding life after BC quite hard. Helps to know I’m not the only one.

Grateful for all the support I have.

Take care