Helloooo
I just wanted to drop in and see how you are? Did you manage Tuscany camping without melting?
I hope you're ok anyway?
Just wanted to check in and say hi
All is ok here, no real news, but fine
Sending lots of love and thinking of you anyway xxx
Sounds like it's been intense - it's horrible when something happens like that and you feel it's the end of everything. Maybe it all just needed to blow up to calm down - sounds like things are a bit calmer now? I guess it will just be something you have to take day by day for a bit. Sounds tough. Sending you a big hug.
On the hot flushes front, I do recommend accuncture if you can find someone but I guess it probably depends on the practitioner too, (I love mine, and it's definitely like getting counselling too!) - what else have you tried for the hot flushes? There are some diet things you can do like diet, avoiding caffiene etc...
Re dog - yes he knows, he just doesn't know what to do. I'm not sure whether that is good enough, but at the same time I feel a bit stuck as well. we shall see xx
Oh no...that is a shame about the dog; Iโm sure your husband is right about the ball but that still doesnโt help the situation....You must tell him how nervous and insecure that must make you feel in your own home.
Hormones are wicked arenโt they, very little we can do but soldier on sometimes.
I guess you need a bit more time for things to settle, itโs still early days.
Iโm seriously looking around for a reputable acupuncturist... weโre supposed to be camping in Tuscany in August and I canโt even get a nights sleep here without night sweats !!!!!! Lol
Things have been terrible here. Monday night my husband and eldest had a full blown fight. To cut a long story short I moved him to mums.
Iโve felt almost bereaved this week, barely able to concentrate on anything. Itโs also affecting my relationship with my husband.
That said, heโs come home today and at the moment all is fairly calm.
Im sitting here writing this when I really need to sort them all out for school tomorrow!
Mum has enjoyed his company by the way, so there was some good come out of it.
Hi Goldie....
Still battling on at home. My eldest boy has suddenly become withdrawn and depressed and has started skipping school. Since he has passed his driving test heโs been harder to pin down.
The middle boy whoโs 15 is in a deep and meaningful relationship with a ( lovely) girl who is not quite 15 but looks 20! I worry my youngest is missing out...I just never sleep anymore just lie there and worry!
My husband just shouts at them, telling them heโs about to have a meltdown. We seem to have a scene every night at the moment.
Mum is very tired but so much better than she was. I have Wednesday off which allows me to get her to her warfarin clinic which has been a godsend.
Have been off this week, the weather has been amazing but Iโm either too hot or too cold! Thatโs 2 years of menopausal type symptoms, when will they ever end!!
grumble....
How are you?
x
And heโs still grumpy ๐ฌxx
Hello... howโs things?
mum (eventually) got called back in.
Bit weird really, her bloods are loads better but the scan was very poor quality / inconclusive so they are assuming there is nothing there!
They will re scan her in 6 months.
Sheโs happy about it, feeling really positive.
Who am I to dampen that, but I just feel a little sceptical.........
The weather is lovely; still some shenanigans at home but Iโm still soldiering on!
xxx
Still no news regarding Mum....
more arguments at home, my husband is just SO grumpy!
Mind you my eldest isnโt helping. I see his point sometimes, I think he feels like weโre being restrictive.And we are, but heโs not always the best judge of a situation or a person. He doesnโt seem to realize that if he makes a mistake now it could ruin all HIS plans. And heโs only got a plan A ( medicine) which means straight Aโs at A level. So going out with his mates that didnโt stay on at school isnโt really helping.
You Must just be a complete bag of hormones...did I tell you I saw the onc on Monday?
He said thatโs what I am!!
Difficult to deal with things at times, irrational etc
But at least IโM not grumpy ๐ก lol!
The weather has been lovely today, Iโm trying to enjoy it!!
Howโs your husband? Not grumpy I hope!!
xx
Still no news regarding Mum....
more arguments at home, my husband is just SO grumpy!
Mind you my eldest isnโt helping. I see his point sometimes, I think he feels like weโre being restrictive.And we are, but heโs not always the best judge of a situation or a person. He doesnโt seem to realize that if he makes a mistake now it could ruin all HIS plans. And heโs only got a plan A ( medicine) which means straight Aโs at A level. So going out with his mates that didnโt stay on at school isnโt really helping.
You Must just be a complete bag of hormones...did I tell you I saw the onc on Monday?
He said thatโs what I am!!
Difficult to deal with things at times, irrational etc
But at least IโM not grumpy ๐ก lol!
The weather has been lovely today, Iโm trying to enjoy it!!
Howโs your husband? Not grumpy I hope!!
x
When will you hear re the tests? Hopefully it is a turning point for her and she's on the way back up - it's good that she's being positive regardless eh? I expect you're still worrying though, but there's nothing you can do until you know if there's anything you have to deal with. How's your eldest? Is he any better? Sounds like you've still got lots going on.
I'm ok, had a real downwood spiral that went a bit weirdly introspective the last few weeks (questioning all my choices, and how I behave and what I do) so that was fun lol - but I think it's the hormone shifts as I had one period in Feb and then nothing since then ๐ anyway, feeling ok now and the sun is shining for once which always makes a difference. I hope that you got some rest and that today goes ok. xxxx
Took mum for her scan today, obviously they didnโt say anything....
She feels loads better, her blood sugar is right down and when we went to the anticoagulant clinic after the scan the nurse there looked up mums last bloods and her liver function is improving...
Mum is convinced as she is starting to feel better that there is not much wrong.
I hope so.
Sitting here in bed, my husband is preparing himself for โanother night of my thrashing aroundโ!!
How are you??
x
I'm so sorry to hear that she's so poorly. Keeping everything crossed for you - really hope she turns a corner. Sounds like you're pulling yourself in every direction. I can't believe your new boss has been off sick! It sounds like it's all just piling on. It doesn't help if your body is all over the place - it means you don't sleep which gives you more time to worry about your mum and your son and everything else in between.
Maybe after wednesday things will start to get better and you can take a breath. You're probably so tired all the time because the night sweats wake you up, you've got a heap load of responsibility at work you weren't expecting and you're busy worrying about eveyone else. Try not to worry about that on top of eveything else. I was with my friend who's also had BC this weekend (I finished treatment in 2012 and she finished treatment in 2014 so we're well ahead of you and even now we still get tired - it's a lot better but every now and then it all piles up. You've got a particularly large amount on your plate at the moment so it's probably just taking its toll.
Sending a big hug and let me know how you get on on Wednesday xxxx
Hello...
didnt see your post.
Been in my own little world.
Mum has been really poorly, sheโs got a CT scan on Wednesday as they are concerned about her liver/pancreas. Iโm being realistic but canโt bear to think of the obvious...
Her body has gone into meltdown, sheโs now gone on insulin and warfarin.Ive been going there after work every day to do what I can then starting again when I get home.
My eldest boy whoโs 17 has gone through a bad patch too. Really wheezy at night. Heโs normally a very good runner and has gone to being fit and active to lying there or staying out. My husband spends most of the time nagging him. Heโs got exams soon as well.
Work is going well but my manager went off sick as soon as I started so weโve had to cover all her work. At least Iโve learnt all those new skills quickly!
My nightsweats have got really bad again, and the days arenโt much better!!! Lie there in the dark with the covers on then off then on again! In the day Iโm on/off with a cardigan etc. I think my husbands bored with the whole thing, says itโs 2 years so time to stop going on about the past... I suppose I should think only EIGHT more years of tamoxifen ๐ฌ!.
Iโm so glad youโre ok and things are good. Is work fairly settled now?.
My husband has fallen asleep downstairs so Iโve crept up to bed!!
He normally nags me for dozing in my chair! But Iโm just so tired all the time.... I wonder why???? ๐
Hopefully everything will sort itself out. Keep everything crossed for mums scan on Wednesday
Thanks for checking up on me...
xxxx
oh no...poor you!
You are probably feeling tearful anyway because of your hormones, but all the other stuff wonโt be helping.
Try not to worry/ overthink things regarding your periods. Just wait and see.
Mum suffered a bad reaction today to the last dose of her penicillin, fat lips and a puffy face etc. I left her feeling a little better so fingers crossed.
Im absolutely loving my new job...hope it lasts! Just done 2 study days on immunization, really fascinating. The woman running it was amazing, really charismatic and VERY scouse. Had come over from liverpool; I feel a little sad I wonโt see her again.
signing off as broadband dreadful,on and off! This is my third go!!
xx
Canโt believe it was Jan we last talked.........!
How are you?
Iโve had proper flu... been ill for pretty much all of February!
This last few days have had no running water/ central heating due to cold snap. Thank goodness we could get to mums for a bath!!!!!
x
I LOVE my Welles....and I love bobble hats(my chemo was during the winter, they were the only hats that suited me!!)
My poor mum....
refused to let me get a doctor, I suspect she thought she would be admitted (and she was probably right)
sunday/Monday I was really worried, she was listless and not eating and a bit woolly
But sheโs definitely turned a corner now
Work still going well, interesting stuff
Had problems this week with my eldest; heโs passed his driving test( and heโs still not quite 17) and canโt see why we worry If heโs not home when he says heโs going to be....
How are you??
x
I have been laughing out loud picturing you in your bobble hat!!๐คฃ
Actually I have been slack recently with managing symptoms........
Having my own desk will help( I can have bits and pieces to hand...when I get to pay day Iโll get myself a little fan
Trying to wear layers to cope with the drastic temperature swings
xx
Dogs do settle and grow up donโt they...?
Im ok thanks but out of the blue having a real bad dose of hot flushes and night sweats
Really difficult to deal with arenโt they? And with a new job etc etc
But the job still is going well.. always have my lunch and get off on time!
Do miss the patient care though.....
Also you can get a bit of angst off people thinking you are out to get them!!!!
xx
Yeah,waffles...........
Without coming across as a real โmummyโ, I sometimes feel SOME people who consciously opt to not have children become very strongly opinionated (my sister is in that camp). I wonder if it is the responsibility thing?
That said itโs not generally there in people who havenโt been able to have kids so maybe itโs certain personality types that have issues with any relationship be it partner, child etc.
Iโm sure your friend means well.... I know Iโve said to you things about the poor dog! But only you know how it truly is at home, your husband sounded truly distraught.
I think he needs time to adjust to all the potential changes in life.
I meant to ask how old your dog is? Have assumed he is quite young....could it be that he might settle down?
Are there any training classes your husband could take him to as a last ditch attempt?
I think your loyalty, empathy and respect to and for your husband is the right way to be; probably your friend is jealous deep down of your commitment and willingness to compromise. Which is what a partnership is all about(warts and all). Donโt ever change. No one ever says marriage is easy.
Xxx
Was more worried about you than talking about the job....!
First 3 days have gone well;Iโm going to need a lot of training but the whole team are very friendly and helpful (so far anyway!)
I have my own desk, phone etc
I will be running my own clinics (pre employment, return to work etc) but not yet(good job!)
Different pace totally. One of the girls was on the medical ward next to me a few years ago (know her vaguely); she says she still (after 5 years) misses the โnursingโ,which is a worry but self preservation has to kick in a bit I think and I know itโs not going to get any better on the wards.
I have felt better this week, less in the way of hot flushes.
So weโll see!
Back to you.....
The thought of motherhood is scary to anybody; but if it happens you adjust and you donโt look back.
Yes the risks are there as an older mother, so you take it all a step at a time and take advice if need be.
I was nearly 40 when I had my youngest... and I reckon I could easily of become pregnant until chemo smashed my ovaries at 48!
I meant to say I have a proper lunch of an hour!
So Iโm going to try and get in the habit of saying a quick hello to you then(just in case the day goes away from me!)
Please donโt overthink things in the meantime ,just stay well
Can you take folic acid??
xxxx
So sorry Iโm late to check in....started new job on wed and have been mentally exhausted! Settled down to wish you a happy new year then read your post.
now.....
You are certainly NOT mad...Iโm sure Iโve said to you a good few times that it is a difficult decision for anybody to make but itโs so much harder after a cancer diagnosis
But you know you just canโt go waiting for a recurrence. None of us knows whatโs round the corner.
I have always felt you need to try. Children are a legacy and bring you so much joy.
Youโve had a good bash at the tamoxifen, once upon a time you would have finished it now anyway...
Come off it and just see.
Try not to panic about fatigue/pregnancy/motherhood.....you would manage better than you think!
We have both now โgone for itโand changed jobs....
Today I kept feeling that this year was going to see a radical change for me, i think thatโs the case for you too.
You have remained unsettled the whole time Iโve known you about babies, I just think this will only get worse if you donโt try. If you donโt get pregnant then it wasnโt meant to be. But I hope you do.
You are brave, compassionate , intelligent and perceptive and have so much to give.
Iโm going to check in over the weekend if you need to chat
Sending you a very big hug
cath
xx
Hello!!!!!
work has been horrendous...I've been trying to tie up loose ends ( finish on 21/12) and have had to go in on days off..even if only for a couple of hours it killls the day.
I have mixed emotions about going, I think that's how you felt if I remember correctly?? Feel like I'm leaving a sinking ship. Also worrying about change in role i.e. Far less clinical. Also all the typing.... I'm so bad at it!!
Mum has been unwell. Has had heart issues and a bad leg; that said she's on the mend now I hope.
Finding teenage boys a challenge too ( particularly v my husband) ...too much testosterone I fear.
So first day off today in a month where I don't have to go in... doing Xmas stuff this morning
A bit of good news is that I have managed to give up sugar! For a month. I love sugar in my drinks etc but thought I'd give it a try. Feel much better and have lost a bit of my tamoxifen belly!! Particularly as new job is non uniform so will have to buy new clothes for it.
So that's a quick update... I'm hoping new year/ job will allow me to have a bit more control ( like lunch breaks...lol)
Hope you are ok? I'm so looking forward to some time off at Xmas... have you got any plans??
cath
xx
He is a bit better!!
Sorry you are going through a sticky patch, it's hard when things don't go to plan. It will be a great relief once the dog goes.......
We have been extra busy at work this autumn, so many different 'bugs' ... I've always thought the milder weather doesn't help.
xx
Also meant to say I have my mammogram on Tuesday....eek!
x
Feeling a bit more in control of things now I've done all that paperwork for my re registering......
I think I have had a lot on but feel I have let a lot of things slip like just popping on here...Just don't seem to manage my free time very well
How are things with you? Work? Dog?
Had a blip with my husband this week, he didn't feel well and got huffy because I went out and left him for 4 hours( I had SO much to do)
I reminded him of those lonely times in chemo on my own, they forget so quickly don't they.
He has gone to London tonight for a reunion ( just about talking to me from Wednesday, just hate it when he's like it, it's always linked to some stress or other); I should be tackling the house but thought I'd nip on here first.
I have to have an hour for lunch in my new job so might find life a little more organised ( even if it's an extra day a week)
The new car is great!!
xx
Hello....
Been away to the Lakes, stayed 2 doors down from the cottage we were in exactly 2 years ago that I came back from to get my diagnosis. But now is now if you know what I mean and it was a really nice break.
Before that was chaos... my in laws were over for nearly a week, never had a minute to myself
I was also doing my professional re validation, which took me ages as it is a new thing.
Just before we went away my car broke down, it's essentially knackered ( much like its owner) so I've had to get a newer one as I will need it for the Occupational health job.
Handed my notice in before we went to the lakes, I finish on 22/12 and should start the new one on 3rd Jan.
A bit nervous but New year seems a good time to move forward
And it will be great to have Xmas off
xx
Runningfree
Congratulations and a wonderful way to move forward, well done you ๐ xx
And thanks as well Optimissy!
Some days you just feel so upbeat and raring to go!
x
Thank you! ( hiding upstairs at the moment.... lol!)
Didnt have interview until yesterday in the end; really nice women ( one of whom will be a colleague),it's so nice when it's obvious that interviewers aren't out to trick you.
So with 8 weeks notice that will maybe even mean Xmas week off with a New Year's start.
No bank holidays or weekends ever again
And more importantly new skills to be learnt. It's funny I suddenly realised I am moving away from cancer a bit,and it will be good not to have to deal with it EVERY day. No uniform either.
30 hours will increase my pay quite a bit and they've said I can work 4 or 5 days, just fit the hours in as I wish!!
Its sort of like a carlsberg job, after all of the chaos a job where I might have some control.
My boss was lovely, said she didn't want me to go but thought I should.
My husband and kids ( and particularly my mum!) are chuffed to bits.
Hope things are good
xx