Running free, many congratulations on the new job!!!!
Hope you survive the in-laws.......x
Been so frantic.... trying to sort out my revalidation/ right to practice but TODAY I got the Occupational Health job!!!!!!!!!!!!
In laws got here tonight for a few days eek!
hope you are ok
will try and post a proper update but wanted to tell you about the job
Have got an interview for the job.....!
On the 10th
Am going back on Tamoxifen at the weekend... do feel better but know I have to
Onc was surprisingly sympathetic! Isn't convinced that i am menopausal, reluctant to change me from tamoxifen.
Suggested accupunture, i know it's helped you. Will ring the hospice tomorrow to see if they can help.
He also thinks a job change might help. Fingers crossed!
Work was just awful.....got attacked by a patient who is detoxing amongst other things!
Oncologist running seriouly late, got out at five, then had to drive accross town to hand in application..... got there 10 minutes before closing.....
so it's done.
Hopefully the dog is just calming down; it would certainly be the simplest solution.
Well I have applied for the post...... thought of all I said to you about fresh starts.
Felt rusty though, so we'll have to wait and see.
Finished it tonight, head is buzzing! Work tomorrow plus onc review.
Im so sorry the dog situation is still ongoing... no better then?
hope you are ok....
have had a technical drought so to speak..... iPad wasn't charging, couldn't get a look in on the laptop and then I smashed my phone!! iPad now fixed!
Just haven't settled at work, I told you about the girl who is now senior to me..... I just feel like I'm stuck in a corner. My boss is still on leave, has been off since early August, her deputy has been off sick ( got hit by a falling ladder!!), so couldn't discuss it with anyone anyway. And it just isn't the other girls fault, it's my insecurities. So I think I need to go. I've been back a year so haven't exactly rushed it.
Have seen a job in Occupational Health, 30 hours, which although is a slight increase should be less tiring. I'm going to see them in the morning for a chat.
i stopped taking the tamoxifen about 10 days ago to see if there's any difference in my symptoms but there isn't really so am going to tell my onc so when I see him on Monday. I've had bloods done so I guess we'll hopefully discuss my options....
Hubby not great as injured his leg and can't run!
Eldest did well in exams so back in 6th form; youngest has started high school so it's all been a bit frantic!
just back from holiday...amazing....started in Paris (hot), went on to french Alps, then Swiss Alps (both freezing at night) then finishing off at Ypres (hot)!!
Slept very badly the whole time but had less night sweats as tent SO cold!
But we all got on pretty well.
just had yesterday then back to work today...
Really busy and also found out that one of the girls (just a baby in nursing terms) has been made up to a junior sisters post in my absence.
Its really stupid but i felt down about it...
she deserves the chance, is more than capable to do the job (which is full time, weekends etc)
I know my working week is enough ...its just that it was a post i did before bc and it just makes you realise that bc just keeps on giving..
it was done in the 2 weeks i was off which was probably a good thing...but i just feel low
Also smashed i phone sgreen and ipad has given up so on laptop which i am less proficient on
Also had a moment on holiday where i really came down with a bump. Went swimming for the first time, my top was fine,no accidents but there were so many cleveages about!
My husband doesnt understand why i am feeling this way about all of the above, and in a way i dont, its all just self pity,which i hate.
Anyway,signing off before he gets back..
Are you ok?
Signed my student off so she's finished and really loved the whole experience....!!!!!!
Mum is seeing a lady on Monday who hopefully can put someone in for an hour a day whilst we are away, she is feeling easier and so am I.
Have sat tonight for at least an hour looking at a map of Paris, he has now trotted off outside to look for some obscure item we might need. He's really upbeat tonight but that is SO like him, changes with the wind.
Im glad you are ok, sometimes time at home is a good thing. You are also right about the holiday, surely it can only do us good!🤞
This maybe a post of mammoth proportions as it is a rare chance.....
We go a week today, camping. First to Paris, then Chamonix and then, briefly, Switzerland and the Eiger.
The others are really excited. I am just worried. About everything.
I wish I could deal with my husband better.... in recent weeks he just flies off the handle, no violence or anything but hurtful words. Generally to me but sometimes to the boys ( who arguably deserve it). One point of irritation is if I am 'tapping away', rather than just giving him my undivided attention. And as I have no time from me finishing work to him getting home I'm unsure whether to just ignore his irritation or go underground.
On top of this my mum has developed heart failure and just is very tired... I'm trying to help as much as I can but only have wed pm and fri am when I can do this ( he has shorter days on these days which are my days off) and the last couple of weeks he has rearranged work and taken these off as well! Supposedly to get paperwork done but then sulks if I say I need to do shopping,mum etc.
I am making it sound worse than it probably is but as I'm trying to ride the storm until he gets over this particular man crisis ( is it the 'manopause' I wonder?) I don't know what else to do...
He is still the man for me he just drives me mad!
Saw the general surgeon ( who I like ) this week as no breast surgeon at the moment. Told me my left breast was absolutely normal so was probably a hormonal thing. Talked about tamoxifen, he feels my symptoms are too excessive and now too lengthy to just carry on, so has given me a blood form to get hormones checked. I'm seeing the oncologist in a month. We talked about work and the impact it sometimes has( more in a minute). So when I asked him about having the left breast off he said he understood, and I could ( with the correct procedure of counselling etc) but that it would be a shame as it is small, quite youthful and blameless ( lol). When I mentioned having a big tattoo they all recoil..! Lyphoedema and all that I suppose. But, touch wood, I haven't had any issues and in reality only lost 4 nodes.
Work has been difficult. One of the sisters has been off since January with stress, and in the absence of many senior nurses some of my old roles have slipped in, and the bad habits that go with them... finishing late etc etc. I think she is on the brink of being pensioned off but may limp along on half pay till xmas. I think one of the girls who has been on the ward since she qualified 4 years ago has her eye on the job. A tiny bit of my heart wants it( I did it before my bc of course) but I don't think I could keep the excellent hours they have given me.
Full time would not help my health and CERTAINLY not my home life!
We have had a lot of cancer recently, and a large chunk of it has typically been breast. But I just keep reminding myself that these are the extreme end of the scale and not the fate of most of us. Most of the time I keep my head above it all. The ladies bizarrely find it a source of comfort that I'm there soldiering on at work! I suppose it normality!
Ive also been trying to catch up with all my mandatory stuff that I need to have in order by November, which is stressing me out a bit. And I've just had a first year student ( who was great, but had a fair amount of paperwork!!) to mentor for the past 8 weeks.
So I think the holiday is important.
But I always worry about my mum/ pets/ bigger animals/ house/ terrorism / arguments/ money / insomnia/ sweats etc. 😓
So there we are... hope you have managed to trawl through it all!
Now you.... it is so hard about that dog. I really understand your dilemma, bit like me, you sort of hope you can ride the storm till it gets sorted.
Have you come off the tamoxifen?
And how is work?
I feel so much better I have got you up to date.... sorry I have been so rubbish.
Yes, but you're allowed a wobble - "getting on with it" doens't mean you don't worry!!
A road trip does sound like fun but I can understand why you're nervous - I'm rubbish and haven't travelled abroad at all since my diagnoses - although for me this is more to do with my lovely lymphoedema and worrying about bites and flying and all that jazz!!
I don't have a holiday planned as we still haven't sorted the dog out yet - no further incidents there but still not sorted either, not sure what to do as I don't want to make him put the dog down but we can't do this forever. Hey ho.
Hope you're ok anyway, do you go soon? x
Five years is a great milestone!!
I think my job often doesn't help, I see all the bad news cases and not all the good news ones ( who are just getting on with life....)
So I need to just get on with it and,like you and everyone else deal with any scares if they arise!
I think I'm also unsettled because instead of going somewhere like the lakes for our holidays we are going on this big road trip ( for goodness sake!). The problem is that my lifestyle is busy but a bit like everywhere else was 30 years ago and Europe seems a big bad world out there!!
What about you?
Oh yeah, lots of scares to be honest
Still a bit prone to them, I think I'm officially today or next week five years since treatment finished too!! Of course you're going to be worried with your personal experience too - the problem is there is no rhyme or reason to it and when you know you have to be vigilant it's hard to get the balance right between being careful and driving yourself crazy.
Sounds tough with the family lovely - but I remember when my mum was ill, looking back I just didn't understand what she was going through. When you're young you just think it's easy to move on....
And then if your onco is no support - v difficult - this weather has been hard I've been hot and cold too! Think about alternative therapies - I always feel better when I'm taking action myself. It might be worth thinking about counselling too - sounds like you need an outlet in a safe place?
Anyway, sending lots of love xxxxxxx
didnt realise it had been so long....thanks for getting in touch.
I presume you have had the odd scare since diagnosis from what you said on one of your posts?
I suppose the surgeon will say it is hormones?
i think the problem I have is that I end up looking after all the missed or recurrence breast cancers so I couldn't envisage it being anything harmless!!
Its been tough at home too. With 3 growing boys it's getting very physical and noisy.
My eldest is now 16 and 6ft 1, so any arguments end up with him standing up to my husband!
They all haven't really thought things through re what I actually had done. The other day we were out and the all just decided to strip down to shorts and go in the sea and they just couldn't see why I didn't want to... The middle one actually said I was boring and that once I would have just gone in. I just feel self conscious at times and also just seem to either be freezing cold or boiling hot!
i have been struggling with the heat particularly at work, I see the oncologist in August but carry little hope that he will suggest anything!
My young friend who is triple neg came to the same conclusion about him , he just seems to have no compassion at all!
anyway that's a quick run down. How are you?
i have told mum and a couple of people......
lots to do this week so won't have time to worry too much!
Really hectic week....
sleeping very badly, sweats and worry over the lumpy boob
i have an appointment now for a week tomorrow so we will see I guess
i haven't told my husband yet and certainly not the kids. I know it will probably be nothing but it's an anxious time. It's difficult not to think the worst sometimes isn't though, especially the thought of more surgery/ treatment ( especially f you have a husband who hates illness, lol!!)
off this week which is good
hope you are ok
Thanks for that, that's a good plan / rule I think!
Gone to ground a bit....
my young friend has started her chemo today, seems to be coping brilliantly
typically I have noticed a lumpy area to remaining boob..... It's difficult because you don't have another to compare it against!
its probably me being neurotic and it's always been there!
i know I can't go rushing to hospital every time I suspect something, so I am trying to sweat it out for a few days; and if it's still there I'll have to do something!!
I didn't mean to sound so self pitying!
i suppose I now ( after knowing the emotions/ issues YOU have gone through) feel sorry for the extra issues youngsters have to face, particularly babies.
i also despair at the negativity that medics seem to exude.....I know they have to point out all eventualities in this world of litigation, but even so..
Today was just a day of bad news so I think it has just left me a bit fragile.
hope you are ok. We are a right pair, generally one is up the other is down!
glad you are there
Still pretty swollen but didn't miss work... so busy
Wish I had as had a really upsetting day for various reasons
just feel sad that this young woman I know is having to go through far more than I have.... Just feel so guilty
finding it difficult to shake it off
Went out for a run in the hills with my husband yesterday ( should've known better!!)
he was doing his usual, telling me to run quicker on the downhills.... I just find it scary, lumps of rock, rabbit holes etc
anyway I tripped somehow or other
thought I heard a crack in my ankle and it was incredibly sore
he went mad! Said I was like an old lady etc etc
i said lets go on but he turned round and somehow I managed to run/ walk the 2 miles or so back
he hasn't spoken to me since
i can just about walk on it, have a big lump on my ankle bone!
He is off for a week now with the kids, think all I can do is hobble into work and see
A and E not really an option as it's the TT bike festival and the hospital goes into meltdown with the sudden increase of population
assuming at best I'm not going to be able to run with my friends for a while which is one of my lifelines
Spent quite a lot of last night talking to this girl I know who has just been diagnosed,feel like I've had a recurrence I feel so upset/ cross for her....... I just couldn't sleep last night, kept mulling over it all
messed about with her for a few weeks. Looks like she needs neo adjuvant chemo, I'm supposing it's partly to conserve as much boob as possible? Reminds you that all our treatment plans differ.
shes also seeing doc today about eggs. Due to get married next year.
I think there's a bit of that
but I also know I've got to get on with things
just wish the nights were better
hows work going ?
She's only 29.... I'm hoping it will be straightforward for her ( as much as it ever can be)
i am definitely perking up. Night sweats ( and day ones ) are still awful but my energy levels are improving.
got signed off from occ health yesterday on the proviso that I contact them if any probs.
they are recommending I stick with my mon Tuesday Thursday day shifts for the foreseeable future
does make things easier with the kids etc and means I'm off with himself at the weekends
so really I think I have a lot to be positive about
Hope things are ok....
One of the teaching assistants at my youngest school was diagnosed today with BC
It's horrible but you have to stand firm for your own safety
Sorry love should have checked in yesterday but pretty much went straight to bed when I got in ...another story another time.
What would he say if you said you were going to go and stay somewhere for a while? Have you shown him your foot? He is in just so total denial isn't he?!
this is all just so unfair for you to have to deal with, I know he loves the dog but you could be seriously hurt
have you told him how particularly dangerous a bite would be to your bad arm?
i know I'm not really helping, just can't offer anything positive/ constructive towards KEEPINGthe dog,it all points to him needing to go
You never 'go on'!
yes, work is dreadful but I'd rather it that way round!