Babies and other people getting pregnant

[Goldie112]

Work sounds full on. I tend to find its ok if one area is ok it's easier to deal with another area that is tougher. When everything is tough together that's when I find I'm on the edge.
But I'm sure I'm not aline in that. Hot flushes and lack of sleep is so rubbish. Hate them. Hope work is ok. Thanks for listening to me go on xxx

[Runningfree]

Work pretty bad/ busy even by ITS standards!!

coupled with extreme hot flushes which seem to get worse with stress levels

poor sleep pattern

BUT home is at present quiet and peaceful ( that may not be the right word! Lol!) and I am definitely a bit stronger despite the above. I will enjoy this while it lasts.....

tomorrow is a new day my love

sleep well

x

[Goldie112]

Thanks. I feel really bad about the dog too, but also I'm angry with him that I've asked him to sort it out and he hasn't. He's also miserable at work but won't make a change because he thinks everything he does turns to rubbish. I think the dog just needs to go and then we will see what happens. Hope all is OK with you xzz

[Runningfree]

Oh no

wish I could help you re the doc, but obviously I am here and I am also a technophobe. Is there any sort of help line??

re the dog I am just so sorry. I am an animal lover but that's just gone too far. I remember how bad I felt when my 2 orphan lambs that I had hand reared turned on me. But at least they lived outside. Your husband knows he is wrong, and the only option is to get rid of him( maybe evenneeds to be put down) but he will feel sick at the thought. In the meantime.....How old is he? Could he live outside? Or could your husband see if any animal psychologist could help with his behaviour?

i think men get more intrinsically depressed than we do, which makes it really difficult to deal with. You know what my husbands like; 3 lovely kids, a beautiful country cottage in the hills ( and a wife with 1 tit( lol ! ) etc . But sometimes that isn't enough.....  And I feel truly sorry that they feel like that. But they do feel overly sorry for themselves.

And time marches on ruthlessly.

husband just back..signing off but will check in later 

xx

[Goldie112]

Have you thought about trying yoga or meditation? Or even pirates, just something to help you chill?
Re our conversation I'm not sure when it is going to happen. We were having a good day and then from nowhere the dog went for me again. He went for my foot and really attacked it. Luckily I was wearing a boot so he didn't break the skin but I'm bruised and was horribly shocked. My husband had to pull the dog off me. He said he was calling the breeder and I was so angry I said something along the lines of 'about time too'. I'm cross with myself for letting it go so far. He said it's all his fault. I've said he can think of how he can make it up to me and he just looked surprised. I just don't know what is going on in his head. Today he said he's really depressed and it's like he can't ever have anything nice and everything goes wrong and it's all rubbish. I know that I have felt like this too from time to time. I don't really know what to do. Also I have a stupid thing hanging over me at work (a correction on a doc that needs to be printed that I can't amend and there is no one else as my colleague is off and I feel stupid that I can't so it(and under pressure) urgh just feel rubbish. Sorry x

[Runningfree]

I think you are right re the change doing you good.

you are also SO right in choosing the right moment for that chat....even after all these years I still leap in because I want to get it off my chest

( not such a good expression anymore... Lol!!)

but I think it's a chat you need to have.

Saw the BC physio yesterday ( had bumped into her at work and mentioned my shoulder has been stiff), she's given me some exercises but said I am just too frantic....that maybe I should calm it down a bit..... 

Not sure how I can do that

x

[Goldie112]

Work is ok actually.bit more settled but not amazing. Think the change has been good for me lol x

[Goldie112]

Yeah I still have those lol! I think they are worse for coming off the zoladex as my hormone levels are readjusting!
Need to have a big life decision chat with my OH, kids, job, life. Just giving it a few days as he's been ill and is v stressed at work. Need to make a plan.x

[Runningfree]

Hi Goldie

things quite peaceful here, although I know things suddenly blow up out of nothing! Think with the long days he finds life a bit easier as well.

Im definitely a little less tired but the nights are still terrible...... Night sweats and insomnia. I suppose though I'm learning to cope with less sleep.

how are you?

and work?

x

[Goldie112]

Wow well done you, maybe the injections are wearing off woo hoo!
Glad you're brighter babe x

[Runningfree]

That is such good news!

no work not really any better, but I think I am

just feel generally brighter, maybe it's the past 10 days of wall to wall sunshine

back under 9 stone without doing anything different, only a few pounds but I just feel better for it

xx

[Goldie112]

He sounds very up and down babe? Sorry work is rubbish. It's not getting better is it?
Yes all OK thanks, he said it was a massive polyp so he was relieved it was benign 😀 but all good I just need to keep an eye out x

[Runningfree]

Don't understand him..... Now full of joys of spring.....honestly!

work terrible ( usual stuff)

thought of you today, hope things went ok

xx

[Goldie112]

Oh no it sounds like you've been having a nightmare. You poor thing. Are you feeling all better now? re your hubby it feels like he's angry about the cancer still and the only way he can voice it is directed at you. Maybe he needs to talk to someone? You can't keep on like this, and you need to be kind to yourself my love.
You are not neglecting me, I'm here for you whenever it doesnt have to be every day! No movement on the dog but as I'm not going on about it we are getting on better, which is a nice break from feeling rubbish all the time. Results on Monday so we will see where we get to from there xxx

[Runningfree]

Hello stranger!!

only just recovering from chest infection would you believe!!!

my middle boy has been ill as well for the past week...a strange allergic response to something

have had other issues too..... The old chestnut with my husband shouting at me ( started with me defending one of my boys in some petty argument!!) and then saying how sick he was about cancer etc

the problem is he encourages me to do all these physical things and now I feel I can't say no if I'm tired!

ive also been getting pain in my shoulder of the op side, so need to check that out on the sneak

men!!

How are you? Is everything back from your biopsy ok? Any news re the dog?

im so sorry feel like I've neglected you

my husband has gone out with eldest boy so I came straight on the ipad ( makes me feel like I'm conducting an affair or something!); he doesn't seem to understand how much we help each other on here and therefore don't have to bother them with boring cancer issues

Xxx

[Goldie112]

He's probably just up and down like the rest of us?
I think you're right re treatment my policy has just been to do everything they say! Yay its friday! Hope you have a nice bank holiday planned? X

[Runningfree]

It certainly does keep on giving!

but I've met a lady this week who declined a lot of her treatment a few years back and she's now in a real mess

so I'll soldier on

my husband has been great this past couple of days..... I can't fathom him out at all

x

[Goldie112]

Oh no! You poor thing. That's tough and you don't need him being up and down in too of it? Do you know what's causing it? I saw my friend who also has had breast cancer and we were comparing notes on all the things that affect you afterwards. The gift that never stops giving eh? X

[Runningfree]

Have been ill all week! Missed all last week at work, went back today....still wheezy but able to function now!

how are you?

my husband is still being a little unpredictable; up one minute down the next

driving me mad

xx

[Goldie112]

Hey sorry I didn't get a notification about this for some reason! How are you feeling now? Hope you're better? And getting some sleep? All is OK here. Work is manic.roll on the weekend!! Xx

[Runningfree]

Have been coughing over the weekend and feeling a bit achy. Last night I just didn't sleep at all due to night sweats and just insomnia laced with fits of spluttering! Got up at 6 ish and went into work. My husband had an absolute fit at me said I was trying to kill myself.....!

Got into work to find all agency staff. Then one of the other wards rang to say I had to take the emergency bleep as they had had it over the weekend and it wasn't their fault that these days I am only a staff nurse!!!!

I just realised it was totally ridiculous. There are people off with stress which is fair enough but I'm wheezing away( which isn't fair on the patients at all). So I rang the nurse in charge of the whole hospital and told her I needed to go home! I can't tell whether I have a temperature or just a hot flush!

First thing my husband returned to the subject ( again) of my thrashing around and said when I'm like that we need to sleep apart. I felt SO cross. Bloody men,bloody side effects!

When I got home at about 10.30 ( they rang my ward sister and asked her to come in on overtime) he was surprised. Said he felt so worried this am. But they just don't do it well do they.

Anyway lying here wheezing; he's taken kids to athletics track. Told work I definitely won't be in tomorrow.

I just think I must still be very low.

Im glad you are ok. I'm sure you will be a bit sore for a few days

x

[Goldie112]

They have sent it off for tests. Still feeling a bit sore and spacey so think it will take a few days to be ok but as it's easter I'm off anyway. Haven't cone off tamoxifen I need to see what they say I think but have stopped zoladex which is nice.
A couple of weeks? Lol, at least he's motivated, I need to do something as a kickstart and could do with someone pushing me! But do you have an idea when the side effects will reduce etc? X

[Runningfree]

I'm glad all has gone well! So have you come off tamoxifen now??

I'm good thanks( generally fine when I'm not at work!!)

back on Monday 😪

My husband has just told me when ' I'm feeling back to normal in A COUPLE OF WEEKS(!!!) he and I can concentrate on getting really fit again. Eeek!

Must say though I don't like my new thick waist that has blossomed over the past couple of months.

[Goldie112]

Hey! All OK thanks. The took a big polyp out and are sending it off to be checked.
Was all OK and recovered quickly so that's good. At least it's over 😀
How's you? X

[Runningfree]

Let me know how you got on when you get a chance

x

[Runningfree]

Had a good run but a rubbish evening due to middle boy having a moment or two... Tell you another time.

In the meantime take care my lovely, let me know how you are

xx

[Goldie112]

Yes nurse!
Hope running was good! Xx

[Runningfree]

I don't think you moan too much!

and the forum is for discussing your worries

so there you go.

Get tomorrow out of the way. I think breast cancer stops us from being as cut and dried as we once would have been. In the past you would have just ticked it off! Now we brood over things and overthink them. We also develop a superstitious nature ( as well as a suspicious one) ( lol!).

i am lying here like a beached whale ( I only had a ploughmans!!!) and have to take boys to running in about 15 minutes. Eek!

x

[Goldie112]

Hope you have a lovely time with your sister and your mum. That and the run sounds good.
Yeah I know re surgery. Will be over in a jiffy, I do need to work on not moaning so much and thinking before I speak! I recognise I have a real problem with hating myself but it's always been like this. Not doing that well at improving it xxx

[Runningfree]

Went for a run tonight with the gang, felt better than I have done in a while but it's probably psychological!

my sister is over for mums birthday which is tomorrow

hoping to go out for lunch

i understand exactly what you mean re the surgery but in 48 hours it will be done and dusted.

and that can be crossed off your husbands list!

lol

and stop the rubbish about needing to be nicer please

try and get some rest

xx

[Goldie112]

Hooray! Well done you!!!!!! I'm so pleased.
I'm sure you will feel better moving forward. I know what you mean re people forgetting. It's easier for them than us though eh?
No movement on the dog. I went round to my cousin and saw her and my aunt, drank a couple of gins and went on about it and now I feel guilty talking about it. Makes me hate myself. I wish I was nicer and didn't blurt things out to people then regret it
But he's doing the whole 'lets deal with one thing at a time' surgery is weds. I know it's not a major surgery but I don't want it. At least it will be over quickly and then it's easter and I can stop feeling so blooming miserable!
Are you going to mark the end of the injections in some way? My cousin said I should have a party for my five years post treatment, and to stop waiting for things to be better and just enjoy what I have now x

[Runningfree]

YAY!!!!!! That's the last jab done ( hopefully!) (lol). They gave me a hug and sent me on my way.....felt very strange. That said I'll probably see them at coffee when I go back to work next week!!

They have given me blood forms to check things when I have my next echo.

think I'm feeling better on the multivitamins so hopefully all will be normal.

it is strange though, I so want to be normal again, fit etc; but I don't want people to forget I've had cancer...

Nothing else particularly new apart from that.

How are you? Dare I ask if there's any progress with the dog?

x

[Goldie112]

Ah that makes sense hb lol. Maybe the supplements will work. Deffo work a try.
You are allowed to feel like this. I think it's really normal. You are not going to just slip back into your old ways and it's hard. It's just not a straight Road my love.
He doesn't help by adding a layer of criticism really does he? I think it comes from a place where he just wants you to be the old you too. So you both want the same thing. But he hasn't been through what you've been through so instead of seeing the trauma and barriers you've experienced he can only think it's something that you're doing to yourself. I think its hard when people can't see the affects visibly. It also feels like he takes a tough love approach as he thinks it will motivate you, but you are still healing and so it has the opposite affect as you have enough to deal with. God I'm just wittering aren't I? I just think he means well but his methods are a bit rubbish. Which means you need to be extra strong and by that I mean don't beat yourself up for not being 'back to normal', allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, if you repress it, it will build up and get bigger. If you acknowledge it and recognise it for what it is, it will be easier to move past it. And you will move past it, of course you will, but it needs to be in your own time and onyour own terms. If there's anything I can do let me know xxxxxx

[Runningfree]

Sorry, Haemoglobin. So less oxygen picked up by red cells= fatigue!!

in theory!

umm yes I am a bit flat

i want to be the old me( first of the summer park runs tonight, I want to get back to my old speed) but like you say I'm scared of letting go of the contacts/ support I've had for 16 months

my husband thinks it's that I don't want to get better, and that I'm dwelling in the past

i don't think anyone without a cancer diagnosis would understand how it works with us!

x

[Goldie112]

Wow, last one! Can't believe it! How are you feeling? It's weird stopping I find. On one hand you're so happy but then there's the comfort of the feeling that treatment is preventing recurrence....
Fab news re your youngest 😍😘😏
Are you ok? Sound a bit flat? 10 days off will be good, sorry am being thick what is a low hb? x

[Runningfree]

Well it's best to get surgery over and done with. 

Im ok, off again now for 10 days..... Final herceptin  on Monday, can't believe it!

work has been ok this week, less heavy although still mad busy.

i think the longer days are helping.

ive put myself on multivitamins too ( I've been ignoring my low Hb for a while)

x

youngest WON the postponed x country race!!!!!!!

[Goldie112]

Go back tomorrow. Surgery is on 12th so need to let them know. Typical when I have a new job. How are you? X

[Runningfree]

How are you?

are you back to work?

x

[Goldie112]

Ah what a shame!
Typical eh? Can't be helped though. When are you back in work? I'm enjoying being off lol x

[Runningfree]

Serves me right: x country postponed ( due to inclement weather) till next Thursday when I will be WORKING!!!

lol

[Goldie112]

Oh I'm sure you won't! Its weird how superstitious you get isn't It? Hope it goes well xxx

[Runningfree]

Glad you are ok

Yes, sometimes it is just too much for them..... I think I forget that sometimes.

Stressful day tomorrow. Youngest has a x country race that is really important to him. Usually I would be working but as I'm off I'll have to go, feel like I'm going to jinx it for him.

x

[Goldie112]

Yeah it's funny isn't it. He can't see it. Hey ho. I know he doesn't mean it, but then part of me can't deal with it, if that makes sense. A break will be good. As I said before I think this has just been too much for him. So need to keep that in mind. Re yours I wonder if it's a similar thing,and it just comes out weird. Some time away will be a nice break for you too. We just need to stop worrying about them xxxxxx thanks for listening as ever xxxx

[Runningfree]

He's just being moody and feeling hard done by! Also I am going away for the weekend ( his idea!) with my eldest to an athletic meeting.
Sorry you are having a hard time. Don't know what you can do about the dog. It's funny, if I remember right he was worried about your health being affected if you changed jobs, but he is leaving you at risk with the dog. That is just such a man thing. No matter how much we might love them we are often miles apart.
Don't worry about the laparoscopy.
X

[Goldie112]

Oh no what's going on? Are you ok? Men!!!!!!! I am about to leave mine to spend lots of time with my family on my own and not really have a birthday as he hasn't sorted the dog out.
I've been reading about the laproscopy that I will have next. Totally would prefer to stop having things done lol x

[Runningfree]

Yay! How good is that!!!!!

Having a mixed time off, husband is always jealous if I have time off and is being a little troublesome.

Not always easy how to work out how to deal with him!!

x

[Goldie112]

Ah I'm glad.im off for a few days now too whoop whoop.
Also had my results. Womb isn't cancer hurrah. He wants to do another test under general to see if it's a polyp xx

[Runningfree]

How lovely it is to be off work!

hope you had a good weekend

x

[Goldie112]

Sounds like a good plan.
I'm sure you'll feel better after the injections finish x

[Runningfree]

Want to try and 'spring clean',garden a bit and try and paint a little. So nothing trivial!!!

glad you have some time off too. I'm only back for a week then off again! That's the week of my final jab.... So hoping I'm going to perk up a bit.

x