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Feeling guilty

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Feeling guilty

Hi , not been on here for awhile as I am coming up to 9 years after diagnosis. I had stage 3 breast cancer . Had mastectomy and lymph node clearance. Followed by chemo and a year of herceptin. I recovered really well and one would say what is my problem. Well 2 years ago my beast friend die of ovarian cancer which had spread to her bowel. She was like me  very positive and a true fighter. But it still took her. At the time she looked to me and saw how I had battled it and come through the other end. When she died I felt guilty that I was here and she was not. 

‘Now another very close friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same time as me is  dying  Of this terrible thing. She was diagnosed with secondary in her spine two years ago and has been great until Christmas, but now they have told her they have no more treatment for her. We don’t live near each other and I want to go and see her. I feel so guilty again . Do anyone else feel this . 

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Re: Feeling guilty

Hi Madgemb,

Sorry to hear what you are going through and the loss you are feeling. I can relate with you. I was diagnosed in 2014 with BC and then my brother was diagnosed in 2015 with stomach cancer. He battled on with various operations and never complained. He often said, I just want to get back to normal. Sadly he lost his battle a few months ago. I keep looking at his photo asking how come it took you and I'm still here. Last week I lost a friend to pancreatic cancer. I am devastated and it has also brought all my own insecurities back. Which others don't understand. It is hard going all the time when you are surrounded by loss of loved ones. It is a real challenge. I don't know the answer, but if you can go and see your friend and enjoy your time together. Here to chat if you want to. Much love..xxxx

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Re: Feeling guilty

I am feeling just like this right now. I had a mastectomy in July 17 and have been on tamoxifen since. Been getting on very well but this week there were 2 funerals  both women roughly my age and were diagnosed the same time as me (they both had bowel cancer). I wasn't really close to either of them but it has hit me really hard. X

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Re: Feeling guilty

Thank you ladies for your help. I was due to go down next weekend to see my friend, but she died very quickly on Wednesday. I know it’s the best thing for her to go quickly without much pain. It’s just selfish on our half as myself and a few of my friends that live closer to her did not get the chance to say goodbye. I did at least get to speak to her on the phone on Monday which was lovely. I can think of her . 

Member

Re: Feeling guilty

Hi Madgemb, I am so sorry to see that you have lost your friend, how very sad. I'm glad you got to talk to her though. It is so so tough to come to terms with.

Try to remember all of the happy memories you have shared together.

Please PM me if you need to chat.

Sending you a big hug at this difficult time..xxx