Poetry thread

[tors]

In the blink of an eye
The turn of one minute
The young girl I knew
Was instantly finished. 
Now there was nothing
No twist of emotion
Shock stilled my body,
my mind was slow motion.
I watched as they talked 
From up on the ceiling
Detached, numb and void
Removed from all feeling
A voice broke through
I lay down on the bed
Keep breathing, deep breaths
In and out, they said.
So I lay for a while
Shock morphing to gloom
As I took in the news 
In the White room of doom. 

[dib]

only just found these posts,heres 2 poems i wrote during the nights lying awake pondering what future i had,

the freak
I dont look in the mirror anymore,because i dont like what i see,
its a stranger thats standing behind the glass,looking back at me.
the face is the same,the eyes and the nose,and ive still got the wobbly bum,
the shoulder length hair,so lustrous and dark has now all sadly gone.

clumps of hair on my pillow each morning,strands of hair where my head lay
the chemo was cruel,the sickness intense,there were more bald patches each day,
would i have got through this hell each day without all my familys love
probably not ,i think that without them i would surely have given up

when the doctors removed both of my breasts,my life was changed for ever
would i ever feel like a woman again,for a long time the answer was never.
ive now gone full circle,can look at myselfand now i thankfully see
when i look in the mirror,tho a little bit changed,the person in there is me.


my body has changed but im now so alive my future no longer looks bleak,
i see myself now as the woman i am,im no longer ,in my mind,`the freak`
without my family id never had made it,id never have got through each day,
i know now my husband of 32 yrs will love me whatever,come what may.


I Will Survive
It was dark and dismal as I lay in my bed,
It was also so dark,inside my head,
Thoughts going round inside my brain,
Spinning faster and wilder like a hurricane.

I`m scared of the cancer,would it come back?
I`m trying to smile,but I`m beginning to crack,
My mum and my aunt,now my dad have all gone,
Taken by cancer,now can I live on?

I`m strong for my family,I smile for my friends,
Inside I`m unravelling, my sanity depends,
Upon beating this curse that has taken my kin,
I must get my head straight,I will not give in.

I`ve had many ops ,and all treatments are done,
I know that I now have the strength to go on,
So cancer, jog on ,you`re not taking me,
I`m staying right here with my family.

[belinda]

Apologies if I've already contributed here...chemo brain! But I was, for a short while, an email friend to the late poet and novelist Julia Darling. We both had, have breast cancer secondaries. This poem by Julia is one of my favourites.

How To Behave With The Ill

Approach us assertively, try not to cringe or sidle, it makes us fearful.
Rather walk straight up and smile. Do not touch us unless invited, particularly don't squeeze upper arms, or try to hold our hands.
Keep your head erect.
Don't bend down, or lower your voice. Speak evenly.
Don't say 'How are you?' in an underlined voice.
Don't say, I heard that you were very ill. This makes the poorly paranoid.
Be direct, say 'How's your cancer?'
Try not to say how well we look. compared to when you met in Safeway's.
Please don't cry, or get emotional, and say how dreadful it all is.
Also (and this is hard I know) try not to ignore the ill, or to scurry past, muttering about a bus, the bank.
Remember that this day might be your last and that it is a miracle that any of us stands up, breathes, behaves at all.
Julia Darling

[tors]

Just bumping this thread up in case anyone wants to read it/ contribute

[Guest user]

Hello poets
Why have I not seen this thread before? Delighted to find it. Will start to follow and contribute. I love reading and writing poetry. I'll be back...
Tara

[Guest user]

work in progress

cancer isn't pink
it's brown and green with lots of red and some luminous yellow, and it doesn't half stink
cancer isn't fluffy
it's messy and gooey and leaky and horrid and full of nasty, horrid surprises: it's a real toughie
cancer isn't 'good for the soul'
it's fight and fight and fight when all you want to do is sleep and wake for it to be gone - pass the sick bowl
cancer isn't 'oh, don't you look well'
it's wrenching and tearing and squeezing and twisting - really, truthfully, can't they tell?

feel free to cut'n'paste & add - as you can see it's modern potry so the 2nd sentence can be as long as you like but it does have to rhyme (ish)

[Downbutnotout]

Wow Nottsgal, you don't have a good boss. At least I'm lucky with my bosses - their only concern when I told them my diagnosis was my wellbeing and all of my colleagues have really supported me in all sorts of ways throughout.

Make sure you don't overdo it. You won't get your reward in heaven!

[Nottsgal]

Flori, you have exactly the same problem as me - do I pay as much off the mortgage as I can now so that hopefully I can retire early? or do I cut my hours now because maybe I won't get to retirement and I don't want to have used up all my time and energy at work?

My boss assumes that once I've finished the dreadd herceptin I'll be back to normal hours - which was 50 to 55 hours per week pre-dx. I don't get paid overtime so it's not a financial thing. I'm going to try to stick to no more than 42 hours per week.

[Downbutnotout]

Hi Nottsgal - I also empathise with your poem. In particular, I'd love to make the most of my time but am also constrained by the need to earn a living to pay the mortgage. Part of me wants to get some extra work and try to reduce the mortgage now but another part of me thinks, as the next few years are going to be so uncertain, should I instead apply to do only 4 days a week and try to enjoy the extra time to myself now but struggle to get by financially.

[Nottsgal]

Anne, you have my deepest empathy. All I can say is that I've got to treatment number 16 more quickly than I imagined would be the case. Good luck and may your veins always be easy to find Xx

Flori, love your poem and you're right - poetry comes in times of stress. BTW if you look back a page or so at my poem The Test, you'll see i'm a non believer too.

[Downbutnotout]

This is a poem I wrote a few years, not about breast cancer at the time but it became appropriate again last year and I dare say many of you might empathise. I apologise if the bit about being a non-believer offends anyone.

---------------------------------------
Where’s the off switch?

Find a switch to turn off my brain
Before it drives me more insane.
A flaw I think in evolution
So tweak a gene and find a solution.

If there’s a God, what did he do?
He really didn’t think it through.
Perhaps a prototype he had in sight
And after me he’d get it right.

If there’s a God he didn’t plan
For one like me when creating ‘man’.
The off switch which he sadly omitted
Draws me close to being committed.

A manual override he should have inserted
Then all this torment he could have averted.
But then, I don’t believe in Him
So to allocate blame – where to begin?

Sleep deprivation, I should say,
Led me to this right of way.
Not a path I’d choose to take
But was no choice that I could make.

Another night and still awake
Driving me mad, for pity’s sake,
Let me sleep, or in the morning
I’ll be fit for nowt but just for yawning!

Only during troubled times
Does poetry then spring to mind.
At the edge of sanity creativeness
Keeps me awake and adds to stress.

I think the rhyme is running out
Just as well or I might shout,
And ball and scream and throw a tantrum
Just from sheer exasperation.

[scotianne]

Nottsgal, I love the poem. Also have herceptin till next March and living my life in 3 week cycles.

Anne xx

[Nottsgal]

Another treatment done but I'm still whingeing in verse.

Herceptin is a wonder drug but it is nasty stuff;
I really will be very glad when I have had enough.

[Nottsgal]

HER 2 +

18 months after surgery and I'm still going backwards;
My chemo contemporaries are moving on,
Gathering strength, getting repaired and reconstructed.
But I have the herceptin route to travel along.

Eighteen treatments, fifty-four weeks,
Every 3 weeks trying to find a vein,
Then filling my arm full of poison
that makes me feel like rubbish again.

I'm going backwards,each treatment's got worse;
Each time takes longer my strength to regain,
Though my swollen arm and breathlessness don't improve
Before it's time to be infused again.

54 weeks where I could do nothing
towards reconstruction to replace what's gone.
Ten months so far of going backwards
And still the treatment carries on.

[RevCat]

Wonderful poems everyone. Thank you so much for sharing. They inspire, encourage and bring healthy tears...

[Nottsgal]

Thanks Tors. Yours sums up beautifully how I feel at the moment - desperately pretending I'm not worried by symptoms that have kept me off work for 2 days and occasioned a chest x-ray.
be kind to yourself: you deserve it.

[tors]

Great poem nottsgal x

[tors]

La La La La

La la la la 
Fingers in my ears
I'm not listening
I just don't want to hear
La la la la 
Look the other way
If I can't see you talking
I can't hear what you say
La la la la
Imagine sunny times
I'm ignoring what you're telling me
I'm pretending all is fine
La la la la
I can't ignore it any more
I'm absorbing all the awful stuff
That's apparently in store
La la la la
Send me to the psych
If cancer doesn't kill me then
This new psychosis might!

[Nottsgal]

The Test

If this was meant as a test of character,
then you can put me down as failed.
I did not take too kindly
to having my life derailed.

I wasn't a patient patient,
With the treatment I had to endure.
I haven't found any new wisdom
Now my life is less secure.

I'm not sympathetic like I used to be
to others' pains and aches.
I want to scream 'try chemo
Stop whingeing for goodness sakes'.

I don't smile with gratitude
as nurses inject poison in my arm.
I just wonder about the side effects
and other long term harm.

I don't feel a better person
for having my breast removed.
If you think I'm brave and cheerful,
then that can be disproved.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
isn't really true:
I hardly ever used to cry,
but now I often do.

I didn't have any kind
of magical epiphany
I think that if there is a God
he surely doesn't like me.

While I know the theory
of making the most of every day,
In practice I go to work
as I have bills to pay.

If my husband was also being tested,
He passed with barely a mistake.
My very biggest fear
Is if I have to retake.

[Guest user]

Clare what a lovely tribute to your mum-in-law. it does feel like forever but we're still here and still fighting. Chris x

[Guest user]

Loving the poems on this thread. I wrote this recently as i start to feel more positive about getting to end of treatment (just 5 more rads to go)

Been a long road
but its coming to an end
my nightmare will be over
and my body will mend

My hair will return
i can get back to me
wont worry about the future
what will be will be

Been to hell and back
and it aint been no fun
but im looking forward now
to my holiday in the sun

Wont forget love and support
they know who they are im sure
but in particular
my wonderful mother in law

[Guest user]

Hi Chris
Thankyou so much I will take a look, I really liked your one that ended with Christmas

L
X

[Guest user]

tinfish anything I've written is yours to download/print. if it helps you or someone else more than happy to share. Chris x

[Guest user]

Hi I have posted on other heading and came accross this one. My cousin has had ovarian cancer and I saw the poems written. I would love to send her a verse and one to her parents,she has twins who will soon be 1. I had loads of cards etc when I wad first diagnosed and my many hospital trips but can't find the words.your help would help
L.
X

[Guest user]

Hi

I posted this last month in the living with breast cancer section so some may have already read this - sorry should have checked to see if there was a poetry thread first...oops! Anyway this is my poem.

Is this me?

I look into the mirror and the woman that I see
Is a sad and lonely person, so surely that’s not me?

I look again and see the eyes so drawn and tired and grey
Within, a look of fear and pain, and a girl who’s lost her way

Her hair is gone, her lips are cracked, her skin is dry and pale
She looks at me with tear stained cheeks, her mouth lets out a wail

I look into the mirror and the woman that I see
Is a sad and lonely person, but I’m not letting her be me

In months to come I’ll look again and see a different hue
No pain, no tears, no grey tired eyes, no more, because they’re blue

Her hair is grown, her lips are full, her skin is smooth and clear
And most of all, at last thank God she’s lost that look of fear

I look again and see the scar where once her breast had been
Still livid in it’s colour, with a hard and shiny sheen

She looks at me defiantly with a look that seems to say
Yes, I may have lost my breast but I am here to stay

I look into the mirror and the woman that I see
Is a well and healthy person and that person will be me

[tors]

Thanks to everyone who has posted their poems and thoughts since I last looked on here. Any new stuff is very welcome x

[Guest user]

Poetry is a great way of getting the feelings off your chest (notice I didn't say breasts) how about.............

My breast were there, a source of pleasure
and now I feel I cannot treasure
the one that has gone to pot
been messed up and mangled

but it is still there, sort of
and needs to heal
by god it will, and when it does
I will make it better

It will have my full attention
and a lover will bring
It to life, caring and sharing
Bring it back with a zing

to the life I once had
way back...................

I had surgery 3 weeks ago, just getting over an infection, radiotherapy next (what is that all about??) hot flushes, because I have had to go cold turkey on hrt!!!!

Good new, have found an alternative therapy that works,MUNG BEANS...........A LIFESAVER......sleeping better.......can I also suggest that St John's wort for a time, will help anxiety and give general wellbeing..............good luck to us all.......

[gooseberrygirl]

Loved that Clair, You summed it up beautifully x

[Cackles]

Clare so true so well written . Thank you for allowing us into your thoughts
Cackles

[RevCat]

Clare that is lovely... so honest and so filled with hope and positivity. Thank you for sharing it here.

[Guest user]

wow what a great thread, thanks for bumping this. Ive enjoyed reading all the beautiful poems and inspiring words. Id like to add my poem if i may which i wrote on a dark night when i couldnt sleep at all, its a bit long but then i guess so is this journey!

The day they told me
was just a normal day
thought oh itll be nothing
and be sent on my way

Been diagnosed with breast cancer
such a shock, it cant be true
how am i supposed to deal with this
i havent got a clue

I feel my world crumbling
such shock and despair
this shouldnt happen to me
its just so unfair

But happening to me it is
and to face it i must be strong
stay positive and focused
i fear, the road will be long

An operation i must have
dig deep inside be brave
its the first step to take
for my life, to be saved

Next step of my treatment plan
is chemo....oh so scared
six cycles of poison
that keep me in my bed

Horrid mouth, loss of hair
bunged up, oh you wouldnt believe
aches, pains, bloods and injections
feels like theres, just no reprieve

I try to stay positive
keep a smile on my face
but sometimes tears flow
when im losing the pace

Now four weeks of radiation
lie on a table, arms above head
so the machine can zap me
make me sore and red

Several months from diagnosis
and the end is so near
oh apart from hormone tablets
i must take for 5 year

My hair will grow back
i can get back to me
is that really the end of it
we'll just have to see

I know theres a chance
my cancer could return
but cant dwell on the past
or ill just crash and burn

Lifes for the living
and i am still here
i will face my future
without any fear!

[gooseberrygirl]

In my chest beats a fearful heart
In my head thoughts go round and around
A prayer, not for me, but for strength for my family
A disease, What symptoms? Shock,fear,lonelyness
A longing for a life still to be lived and enjoyed, dreams fulfilled
A cure,here's hoping,time will tell that all may be well
Love Life, Love Family, Love Friends
Lets all enjoy the small moments and Live.

[Guest user]

It's been a long year
and often filled with fear
we've had a hard fight
we hope we've won

Life hands you a line
we have to follow through
we do as we're told
we hope we survive

Several months have gone by
our active treatment we tolerate
inject the poison and radiate
then hormones pills become our saviour

All that has gone before
leaves memories of which your not sure
but the one thing that makes you glad
is we're all still here and not so sad

Your families gather round
children cuddle in
it's nearly Christmas, smiles abound
For now we've won

Have a lovely Christmas everyone and a better and healthy New Year

[gooseberrygirl]

Love all these poems on this thread... wot a clever, literary lot we are. . . Just Brilliant !

[lisha]

Squirrel thats a brilliant poem. X

[Cackles]

Well done ladies

[squirrel45]

Thanks Tors 🙂 !

[tors]

Squirrel, that poem is bl**dy brilliant. Well done you, and thanks for posting it too. Hope things are alright with you

x

[squirrel45]

Gypsylady inspired me as did many of the poems on here which made me cry. I wrote this describing my discovery of my breast cancer after watching my daughter in a fencing competition.

I am standing
Watching my daughter fight
My heart thumps
My mouth is dry
Her opponent is quick and they are evenly matched
The points go too and fro
Nerves on a knife edge
Until the battle is lost
Tears shine but are not shed
A silver medal around her neck

I am worried
The lump sits there accusingly under my hand
So small, so inconsequential
I seek reassurance and find it
I can breathe, just a referral
Just a few tests
Nothing to fret about

I am weeping
The lump so small is cancer
I am on my own and now I have to tell my family
My husband
My children
I hear the sound of glass shattering
Lives are altered, questions unanswered

I am fighting
My family are watching
Their hearts thump
Their mouths are dry
My opponent is sly and secretive
But I have weapons and they are unleashed
Nerves are on a knife edge
Until the battle is concluded
Tears shine but are not shed
I do not want silver, I need gold
I want to live, I want to grow old

[Guest user]

My Mummy is a Chemo Bitch
Right now she's busy shedding
She drops her skin around the house
It's really quite upsetting.

It blebs on soles and toes and heels
On feet that's newly showered
Then hangs like tattered lacey nets
Til dropped in snowy showers.

The Chemo staff with wisdom say
She must research on 'Puta
And search for farming thick cow cream
By name it's known as 'Udder'.

Just in case anyone else is suffering from skin loss on their feet. I've been told to search for 'Udder Cream' to help.

I expected a bit on the heels from previous posts, but that is nothing to the soles and toes. It's not sore. yet, but if it keeps going at this rate I might have problems walking.

Going shopping today for moisterising sock and a really thick moisteriser from Boots (might give the 'cow cream' a miss)

(Edited) Maybe I will go for the cow cream. It's only £4.62 and free p&p.

June

[Guest user]

Gooseberry girl Loved it short and succinct. X Chris

[gooseberrygirl]

Love this thread, on this disease that fills us with dread,
Bold and brave in the hope that we will be saved,
Trust the Doc and take stock of life and loves,
Question not the why? Only to realise it is I, the person once was whole and now feels like Alice in a rabbit hole.

[Guest user]

I've missed 2 LGFB sessions due to being admitted for infections.

I've decided to wait until the end of chemo and try and get there then.

Think I'll deserve it more after all the hassle of going through this lot. Then again, I cannot really be bothered at the mo' Chemo lethargy has kicked-in.

June

[Doz1949]

Hi Berthab and all you lovely ladies

Went off to the Centre
To Look good feel better
Met some incredible Ladies
Who all had THE letter
The one that invites you
to come and be pampered
With hair or without it
You,ll not be hampered!!
Out came the goody bags
Oh what a treat
Estee lauder and Clarins
Right up my street..
We dabbled and painted
and were shown how to do it
16 glamorous Ladies
Yes didnt we know it 🙂

Its a brilliant couple of hours and all the work that goes into collecting items for the goody bags has to be commended..I was like a schoolgirl opening her xmas presents 🙂 and I felt a million dollars.. might not have looked it as i,d just finished R/therapy but oh what a boost.
And just to add a note.. bit naughty but it made me FEEL BETTER!
My ex,s partner was seving the coffee and tea, normally she does,nt acknowledge me.. which is no big deal but that day she had too! HA HA!! Enjoy your day when it finally comes xxxxxx

[cherub]

BerthaB, I didn't attend a LGFB session until after I'd finished chemo/rads as there was a big waiting list, also I didn't know about it. Quite a few of us had our hair back by then, it was a mix of ladies still in treatment, some who had finished and some like me who were on Herceptin. I hope you can go as it really does do what it says on the tin and the freebies they give you are truly fab.

A couple of my friends were so impressed by the boost it gave me that they now donate every year to help other ladies.

[BerthaB]

Thanks for the tip re LGFB .

I have booked a LGFB sessions but there is a 3 and a half month wait. Will have finished Chemo by then. Hope I can still attend after op and radiotherapy.
Have been offered a massage in local hospice via my BC nurse. Looking forward to it in October.

Thanks again...
BerthaB

[Guest user]

Bertha sorry your moment was spoilt but try your macmillan centre you are entitled to at least 2 complementary treatments which includes massage and if you can book for Look Good Feel Better you get a load of great freebies and advice on how to use it. Chris

[BerthaB]

Just been for what I was hoping was relaxing spa day it did not start well...

Nirvana Spa -

After 4 nasty FEC
And one Taxing TAX
Thought I would book
A spa day to relax !

Told them on Chemo
Can't do flotation
Booked a back massage
Excited expectation !

Booked in at reception
only to find
They cancelled it
Which was rather unkind !

Toxins were mentioned,
What would you like instead ?
Then the lady suggested
They could massage my head!

I would not be happy
Taking off my hat
And it is shiny enough
Without all of that!

Offered a free product
To make me go away
Decided to relax
Try to enjoy the day!

Spoke to the manager
on the way out.
Your policy needs updating
There is no doubt !

Massage right now
is just what I need.
Not discrimination
She kinda agreed !

I've also been in
your hydrotherapy pools.
For an "all over massage"
Same place different rules!

We are not insured,
A decision we took.
If that is the case
Why let me book !

[Guest user]

Thank you one and all for all your fantastic poetry.
Having never managed to get it together where rhyming is concerned, I'm a delicate shade of green at your wondrous efforts.

Much love to you all

xxHelenxx

[Guest user]

just dropped in to catch up should post a new poem maybe later. Chris