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Poetry thread

Irenee
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Glad I found this poetry thread.  While I was going through chemo I did write a few poems...this one I forgot about...it was my first one and I was so fed up with what the cancer and chemo had done to me...but I did see the funny side of it.

 

START OF THE DAY

 

I put in the squibby booby,

My lashless eyes are bleary,

The sleeping cap has gone askew

Oh! deary, deary, deary.

 

The hickman line has strayed,

The plasters gone astray.....

This chemo fog is thick as hell

Another chemo day!

 

The wig it will sit upright

Upon my balding  head

A smile I'll fix upon my face

As I face the day ahead.

 

I'll ban all negative thoughts

And try my old self to be

But my whole world is upside down

Whatever happened to me!

 

                                                                                                       Irenee

 

 

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

I wrote this thinking about all I'd shared with the February Valentines as we went through our chemotherapy. We're still in touch with each other and still sharing our varied follow up treatment. Hope it inspires others.

 

It was the best of times.
It was the worst of time
The age of disbelief.
A time to learn of worry,
a time to learn of grief.
One day that we remember
and never will forget.
Our day of diagnosis,
a time we all regret.

 

 

Our treatments made us close,
with moments of shared fear,
and all the painful memories
of our awful year.
To win this battle we all fought,
we went to many lengths,
to keep ourselves determined
and give each other strength.

 

Poemsgalore xx

Mac123
Member

Re: Poetry thread

I'm having a bad day today so am still in bed and have just discovered this thread. Some of these poems are truly inspirational and very appropriate. Keep up the good work, I've bookmarked the thread so should be able to keep tabs on it now. Well done to all you poets out there x

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping this up again.
poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

And one I wrote while in the middle cycles of chemo (finished now, thank goodness). I was looking at the photo on my bus pass while waiting for a bus, it actually made me cry to compare the two versions of 'me'!!

Heart Full Of Tears

With dark hair and eyes
I looked quite solemn
when that photo was taken.
Unremarkable,
unsmiling.
Different to now.
Bald, moon faced, alien.
No tears in my eyes,
but plenty in my heart
poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Another I put on the February Valentines thread, just as we were on the last chemo.

From the Waiting Room To The Car Park And Beyond

Many others trod this way
and many more will come.
All started in the waiting room,
all feeling very glum.
Waiting around for appointments
then waiting to have their tests.
Waiting to get the results back
and find out what's in their breasts.
Is it benign or is it cancer?
Could it be invasive?
Is it treatable, has it spread
Oh God, it can't be pervasive!

Then when the results are in at last
and a treatment plan is in place,
a calmness sets in and you breathe again
and a smile returns to your face.
You will need an op, and might need rads
and some of you will need chemo,
it seems the roundabout never ends
that your life's led in a casino!
Place your bets and spin the wheel
let's see if your number comes up,
you wait and see, what will be, will be,
you know you'll drink from that cup.

Each cycle passes with added worries
of what the next one might bring.
Sickness, diarrhoea, or constipation
you take them all on the chin.
Then suddenly, the last one arrives
you can see the car park at last,
you look and see your friends all waiting
the ones who helped the time pass.
Beyond the car park, another world,
with fields and meadows of flowers.
A world in which you move forward
and regain your previous powers.

And so to the future you finally look
with confidence and hope
but whatever this future holds for you
you know now that you WILL cope.
Are you having Herceptin? Or hormone tablets
to keep the monster away?
You continue on, as you did before,
taking things day by day.
But on your journey you made many friends
who you never will forget,
friends who will always stand by you
even though you may never have met.
Roisdara
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Oh my, these brought a tear. What a wonderful thread, actually no, a big huggy patchwork quilt! Thank youxx
JCJ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

The book is a brilliant idea. We should call it Get it off Your Chest! 🙂
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping up for members/cyber stalkers who haven't come across the thread before x

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Tracy, that's lovely. I too wrote one about a sleep fairy, but it's not as good as yours. Love your idea about publishing them to sell for BCC.Suggested titles sound great.

Checking Your Temperature Daily

You've had the call from Oncology,
it's chemo - and maybe Herceptin.
That's when you find they've set you a course
of tablets and an injection!
When you aren't feeling well
and your white cells are low
and immunity is failing,
there's panic, alarm, and you will find that you're
checking your temperature daily.

OH has a cold, keep him at arm's length
and make sure THAT phone number's handy.
Then dose yourself up with First Defence
and maybe a wee tot of Brandy.
Are your neuts up to strength?
As you don't want the flu,
And you certainly don't want the lurgy!
You worry away, wonder just what to do -
while checking your temperature daily.

You're off for your blood test to see if you're fit
so you can have your next session.
Just where, while you're waiting should you go and sit,
and you find your facial expression
is fixed in a grin, so hard and so grim
while trying to give the impression
that everything's fine and you're doing okay
so you try to smile, bright and gaily.
While all of the time you have to remember
KEEP CHECKING YOUR TEMPERATURE DAILY!!

Kath xx
tracyld
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Hi Poemsgalore,
That is great .You are very talented . We should try and get some of these published for BC campaigns in October . It would be good to have a little book of poems that we could call our own......
Everything Pink ! or Breast Buddies Poetry ... ? Any other ideas anyone ?
Goodnight to you all Love Tracy xxx

I am supposed to be Sleeping,
But my eyelids stay awake,
No matter
What I think about
I just cant seem to Sleep!
The hot sweats
And the night flushes
All contribute to me
Being awake at this silly hour
And talking to all of you !
I have made some new B C Buddies
And I call them now my friends.
Please send me
A passing Sleep Fairy
To come into my dreams xxx
Nottsgal
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Poemsgalore, those are brilliant

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Two from me, I put most of mine on the February Valentines thread. They seem to like them.

The Invader

It sat there
in the bottom of my left breast.
It didn't hurt,
not at first.
I tried to ignore it,
pretend it wasn't there,
but when I lay in bed
my fingers would find it.

I squeezed it
hoping it would disappear.
But it didn't,
The invader.
It took over my mind
as well as my breast.
I had to tell someone,
so I told you.

The Day that Cancer Came

I was minding my own business
getting on with life,
being someone's mother
being someone's wife.
I enjoyed good food
and a nice country stroll
Things were fine and dandy
deep inside my soul.
Yes I just kept on doing
everything the same
But everything changed
the day that cancer came.


I went to feed the birds
with sunflower hearts and nuts,
picked a bunch of Tulips
that year we'd had a glut.
I took them to the kitchen
and stood them in a jug,
put it on the sideboard
I was feeling rather smug.
Oh I was really someone,
my life seemed like a game.
But everything changed
the day cancer came.

When I look back now
at how things used to be,
I just can't believe
that I'm still really me.
Looking in the mirror
it's as though I've been exchanged,
While deep inside my heart
my perspective seems so strange.
My priorities are simpler
some things are rearranged.
Yes, everything is different
Since the day that cancer came.

Poemsgalore xx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Poetry thread

THIS IS THE BEST SITE EVER, FANTASTIC POEMS, FUNNY, EMOTIONAL, AND REALL, KEEP THE POEMS COMING LADIES, YOUR ALL BRILLIANT XXX
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Poetry thread

LIFE IS A JOURNEY IN WHICH WE ALL BEGAN
WHAT LIFE BRINGS US IS,NT ALWAY PART OF OUR PLAN
I DIDNT SEE IT S PART OF MY JOURNEY
AND NOW ITS HERE, A LESSON FOR ME TO LEARN
I MUST TAKE HOLD
BE STRONG AND BE BOLD
EACH DAY THIS CANCER TAKES A BIT MORE
MY BODY MY MIND MY SOUL
WHO.S THAT PERSON I SEE
SHE LOOKS BACK AT ME,
NAKED AND SCARED
VANITY LAYED BARE AS CAN BE.
THIS IS A LESSON THAT FATE HAS GAVE TO ME
TERROR AND PAIN
IS EVERY DAY LIFE
EVERY DAY I AWAKE
IS A BATTLE OF STRENTH AND STRIFE
tracyld
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Hi Tors , I know you are celebrating 3 years as you wrote a beautiful piece on another thread. I will be 3 years in July,
This is my contribution which I will call Looking Back .............

Looking back, how did we cope ,
We just felt scared
And inclined to mope.
But we got through it,
We made new friends,
We tried to be happy,
We still made plans.
We wasnt brave and we wasnt strong,
We just soldiered on
For our families and friends.
So now we look forward
And we want to be
Happy and Carefree
And still the same ME !
We want to be normal
And stay Cancer Free
We pray to stay Healthy
For you and for me .

Lots of love to you all Tracy xxx
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping up in case anyone wants a read or even wants to contribute.

NAZ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Key features, once again you are a genius! Get that piece published asap! 🙂
Poemsgalore, also love your piece - especially the last bit. I lost some friends along the way,some do not know if i am alive or gone! Do i care? No!

xxx

millymolly_m
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Keafeatures - you are a star. As Naz said Should be published .............. .
applestreet
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Hello ladies..don't post much now just a bit of lurking...someone please show the low chemo moan to Simon Cowell..made me laugh out loud..thank you ladies...apple

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Wrote this before dx, but think it is quite apt. Already posted it on another thread, but here goes again.

How much longer will it be
before this fog will clear?
And how much further must I walk
to free me from all fear?
I don’t want life to be a party,
I’m sick of sounding arty-farty -
maybe I should give in now
or fall down on my rear.
There’s many who would laugh I know.
There’s many who would cheer.
There’s many more would walk away
and never shed one tear.
But I stopped caring long ago
and think it’s time they knew
that they can do just as they please.
I’ll still be here next year.



Hugs pg xxx
lollol01
Member

Re: Poetry thread

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT KEYFEATURES!! Really made me laugh. Think you should try taking it onto Britains Got Talent.
Lol
NAZ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Key features - that is BRILLIANT! What a masterpiece!
I think it needs to be published!

Nazxxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Poetry thread

Here's a bit of nonsense thanks to insomnia. Set to Kylie's 'Locomotion'

Low Chemo Moan

Everybody’s taking an IV stance now
(Come on ladies, do the low chemo moan)
It really fights the cancer so let’s give it a chance now
(Come on ladies, do the low chemo moan)
If I have lots of sisters who will do it with me, it’s easier to handle my F, E, C
So come on, come on, do the low chemo moan with me
You gotta swing your PICCs now

Come on ladies
Drips up
Sit back
Did you not get a portacath?
Ow, ow.

The nurse is pulling faces, she cannot find a vein now
(Come on ladies do the low chemo moan)
We’re chucking up, emotional, and feeling in pain, now
(Come on ladies, do the low chemo moan)
This really isn’t easy, now, can’t do this alone
A little bit of saline and some aching bones

Come on, come on
Do the low chemo moan with me
Ye-ye-ye-yeah

Ask for Movicol if you need a motion
(Come on ladies, forget your hair lotion)
Can I hold your hand while they give me the potion?
Oh god baby, what is this emotion?

I thought the final cycle would be easy to do
I thought I would be happy but I’m feeling blue
So come on, come on, do the low chemo moan with me

(Come on)
You gotta swing your PICCS, now
(Come on)
That’s right (do the low chemo moan)
You’ve got a line!
(Come on, do the low chemo moan)
Come on, nurse
(Come on, do the low chemo moan)
Ow-ow-ow, drips up
(Come on)
Now tax! (do the low chemo moan)
It’s even worse
(Come on, do the low chemo moan)
Ow-ow-ow, drips up
(come on)
Relax! (do the low chemo moan)
Nottsgal
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Tors, your poem also struck a chord with me - although I don't have children I still feel I let my family down.


Guilt Tripping

“You were always so healthy as a child”
Is that an accusation?
My mother’s tone is mild
But does she think I chose this situation?

“Maybe it came from you being hit in the chest by a ball”
Thank you, sister dear.
But breast injuries have nothing to do with it at all,
On that, the web sites are very clear.

And yes, in university I liked to have a drink,
But other students drank way more than me;
Surely they’d have got it sooner if there was a link.
Besides, in recent years my drink was often tea.

Ten years on the pill couldn't be the answer,
As I came off it nine years ago.
Since it was an aggressive cancer,
It would have been quicker to grow.

Search for reasons but please see,
I never asked for this in my life,
It feels like you’re blaming me,
Which cuts me deeply as a knife.

NAZ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Well Tors, as i mentioned, your poem has struck a chord with me for sure..
I wished i had faced my true feelings at the time, but i couldn't.
Writing a poem is an excellent idea - 'mummy was ill but couldn't show it' . Yes that was me!
Couldn't show it to anyone because i was the 'strong' one keeping it all together.

I have had a wobbly month with everything catching up with me but determined to keep going for my chiodren and for me....xxx

Flori your choice of words hit the mark bang on ! xxx

Downbutnotout
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Just a short one:

My DNA, it got confused,
The code was slightly wrong.
With chemo drugs I was infused,
My life to now prolong.

I'm not sure you'd class this as poetry but a few words pertinent to the Big C.

C is for calamity, cunning, crisis, challenging, complex, cruel and cr*p
C is for cleavage, crying, careworn, contemplatory and courage
C is for caring
C is for Curie
C is for cancer.

I've deliberately missed a couple of obvious ones as they have the potential to upset or be controversial.
X

tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Hiya Naz, I wrote that last poem a month or so ago as part of my cognitive behavioural therapy. It was through talking with an excellent counsellor that I came to realise I felt responsible and guilty for getting breast cancer and that I had let my boys down, so after working through it she asked me to update my poems and feelings to lodge in my mind how I was feeling and had come to realise I hadn't let them down. It really really helped me. Hope you're doing ok xxx

NAZ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Tors your poem so rings true with Me!
We did our very best through a perfect storm, how right you are.
My children were 18 months and 5 at the time. Looking back i wonder how I managed, but did and am here to tell the tale xxx

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Poetry thread

These pieces of poetry are brilliant. I can relate to the first one as the commonest phrase I have heard is 'chin up'. I've also been told 'oh, you'll be alright'. People always put on a jolly voice trying to reassure me that I probably don't have cancer (before dx) then afterwards trying to convince me all will be well. I often wonder how they would feel in my position.
I've written all sorts of poems, some sad, some funny, some spiritual, but have never been able to express my thoughts and feelings about my cancer in a poem, so thank you to you lovely, brave ladies who have managed to do what I failed to do. Love to you all xx
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping up for general viewing 😉

tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping up by special request!

nannabarb
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bump again - well worth a read x (well done ladies)
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping in case anyway fancies a read xxx

tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

No, I didn't let my children down
Full stop. End of. Big frown.
Breast cancer came
I don't know how
But it wasn't my fault
And I know that now.
I'd let it in
To my family 
Through my guard
It got past me.
My boys' lives changing
They didn't know it
Mummy was ill
But she couldn't show it.
I worked very hard
Through nasty stuff
To be there for them
Just enough
So I made their tea
And I took them to school
And I told them off
And I  played the fool
I made birthday cakes
And had their friends for tea
I tried my best
To be my normal me.
And I got them through.
And I'm still their mum
And some times were hard
But some times were fun
And I saw sports day
And I saw their birthdays
Starting school
And leaving nursery
And I know I didn't
Let them down at all
I did my very best
Through a perfect storm
And i'm proud I did it
And grateful that I could
But I still stay cautious 
And I still touch wood
This is where I am
At this moment, on this day
And that is all I wanted
To
Say.

sarssquatty
Member

Re: Poetry thread

I wrote this poem just after I had been diagnosed in 2007. I am coming up to my 5 years shortly in December.

One month after my 50th I had my Mammogram Wasn't so bad I thought, until the letter dropped through the door RECALLED, a clinic appointment had been made for me (Most people who are recalled after their first time are fine) Better to be safe than sorry, don't worry Mammogram, Ultra Sound, Core Biopsy My Head was in a spin too much to take in- Could this really be happeningto ME?
"Keep your chin up" "Be strong, stay positive, it won't be long" "I'm sure you will be ok" RESULTS DAY Dismay - You have BC Woosh to the floor "Sure it won't have spread, caught early good prognosis" All I think and feel is DEAD
"You were lucky, good job you went for that Mammogram" Frankly when it's you who gives a d... still more "Chins up" "I know it's easy for me to say! I'm sure you will be ok"
Friends, neighbours, colleagues, all have a tale to tell about BC "Don't know how I would cope, if it happened to me" (almost said with glee), smile benignly, malignant inside They wonder why they don't want people to know CONFIDENTIALITY
OPERATION" You'll be fine" Don't worry, stay strong" "have a good time!", best place to be But this is happening to ME
Phones ring - txts are sent, "glad it went well" cards arrive, visitors too Waiting for the follow up appointment Don't know what to do with myself
Day arrives "more chins up" "sure it won't have spread" "too small, caught early" More whooshing to the floor
Good news tumor out, margins clear, cancer free Yippee BUT 10 lymphs out 1 positive Not too bad, could be worse, I want to curse
More "Chins up", be positive, stay strong waiting won't be too long
See the ONC who's very nice but worst fear is realised Suggests Chemo. TAX and FEC What the heck- This is ME Chin up , as I hit the floor once more
Could be worse. I know There's lots of people out there with lots of woe But doesn't it make you think? Careful what I eat, exercise and drink Yet I have become 1 in 8 (a statistic I hate) Before all this I had a life Now all I feel is grief, anger and strife
So here's to all my BC Buddies Get that chin up, Drag "strong", "positive" and "don't worry" from where you threw them last And let's give LIFE a wonderful blast

sarssquatty
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Hi just found this thread. Think it's a brilliant idea. I have read quite a few and they capture how I felt at the time I was going through treatment.

This is one of my "efforts" I wrote when I was having treatment/ had just finished it.

Looking Back.....
How did I get through all that crap?
Where is SHE now? Who was I then?
The choices we made remembering them...
I think back to those dark times Wondering how I got through it "Don't know how you did what you did" It's a case of having to isn't it?
There's an inner strength lurking there, you don't know you've got it You're in that dark hole having an outer body experience Is this really happening to ME? Perhaps I will wake up soon, and find it's a dream!
The choices you had... Were they choices at all?
I lost a year
Who is SHE staring back at me? Not the person I knew before Will SHE come back or has SHE gone? Who decides that?
"Can you live with it wondering if it's still there? Is it? "How do you feel?" Well, I don't know is this real?
Can any one help?
We could talk....
"Do you remember how you felt before?" One day I was fine, the next wham.... "How do you cope with that?" I don't know!
"How do you feel?" the biggest Fear, is it real?, it's surreal.
Does a day go by when you don't think about it?"
What if?.........
"Let's have facts, believe, do not catastrophise, do not agonise"
But what if....... How do you know? You don't so..........
Ok so who's here now? ME or SHE? Is she me? I don't know?
I don't want to cry anymore..... I don't want to think am I cured I want to know.... "But you don't do you?, and you can't"
I can talk now..... Re-live the fear, anxieties, pain, anger, (oh yes there's lots of that), dread, distress, disbelief, horror, thinking about what they did to ME, how I reacted and felt SHOCK, "think it's post traumatic, didn't cope well with DX" Well I was on a roller coaster, I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't It took me to places I didn't want to go
"Can you let it go?" I'm not sure should I?
Is that why I'M here and not HER? Where is SHE?
"Are you coming to terms with it?" Is that possible? Do I have to? Should I?
Do you know what it feels like? Do you want to? Shall I try to tell you?...............

tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Just partaking in a bit of urgent thread maintenance and bumping up this thread x

jellytot83
Member

Re: Poetry thread

I will write a poem on here when I don't have chemo fog brain but I wanted to bump this thread because I think it's bloody brilliant!

Jelly x
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Poetry thread

This has been a wonderful thread.
I haven't ever contributed a poem but have been able to congratulate so many who have put into words my thoughts and fears. Only today I bumped into a BC lady and complained that I still feel so alone because no one else understands but us! No one knows that fear of thinking it's come back with all the strange reactions in our chest area...
Thank you to everyone who writes for all of us.
I'm 30 months down the road of recovery but often feel the need to identify with you all.
Thank you to all, especially Tors who started and contributed their innermost feelings to this thread.
Bless you all. I still need you....

Welsh girl xx
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Bumping up for new, and not so new, forum members x

JCJ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Brilliant! Nottsgal. Sums up my self-checking/panicking exactly!
Nottsgal
Member

Re: Poetry thread

The Fear
In the small dark hours, lying in my bed
Wishing I was sleeping but awake instead.
Feel that niggling little pain in my upper arm,
Is the cancer back? I try to remain calm.
Have a little feel at my remaining breast,
Poke around the solid bits as if that’s a valid test.
Think I must have bruised it, with the prods I made,
Either that or the cancer’s back. I am so afraid.
I tell myself there’s nothing wrong in the light of day,
But I think that the fear will never go away.

tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Great poem, reads like a proper poem rather than my ditties, you are very good!

Here's my ode to the Beatles, when I'm 64.


When I get older
Losing my hair
Many years from now
Well more like in a few weeks, actually
Care of chemotherapy
If I am up til quarter to three
Throwing up my guts
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I've lost my looks?

I could be handy
Spreading the gloom
When the nights are tough
You could hold my hair back by the toilet-side
Drive me to get my bad breast fried 
Doling out tablets
Shaving off hair
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me,
Will you still feed me
When I hit cycle 4?

We could rent a bed out
In the Oldham Royal
In the A&E,
When my temp runs high.
Sharp needles  take
Yet more blood.
I'm neutrophenic *sigh*.

Send me some steroids
Put in a line,
Tell me test results,
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, I'm wasting away.
Fill in the answers,
Tell me the truth,
I can't take much more. 
Will I make 40?
Will I make 50?
Will I make 64?


Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Poetry thread

Here's one I wrote soon after diagnosis. The title is a play on metaphor and that thing we are scared of - metastasis. It's about how seemingly distinct thngs / lives connect and communicate and also the Greek word meaning 'self' and 'beyond'. You can find a link to my poetry blog in my about me. Mostly the poems are not about cancer. But sometimes cancer is not really about cancer either.

Meta
Dear Heart – don’t be afraid for me -
I’m not a probability.
It’s only Love that’s softly spreading.
Like the guests joined at our wedding -
A wondrous, human melting Pot
Of Wilde and child – we’ve got the lot.
The ebony, the ivory;
The special Song that’s you with me.
It’s just some naughty Nature growing –
Ponder at what she’s bestowing;
A warning of the Herd mistake
That followed footsteps of the Fake.
Stay on our Magic Carpet ride –
It’s better with you by my side.
For we must have our kismet kiss
And know and take Fate as she is.
tors
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Great poems girls, thank you for adding them x

JCJ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Limeracks (pun intended)
There once was a woman from Keele
Whose boobs she did frequently feel.
One day: what a fright!
“Something’s not right!
Oh please not the cancer!” she squealed.

There once was a woman from Keele
To check both her boobs she did feel.
It’s a good job she did
‘Cos in one of them hid
A tumour so scary and real.

My left one’s now smaller than my right
Mangled and scarred, not a nice sight.
But at least it’s still there
I’ve nearly a pair,
And one day I’ll get over the fright!
JCJ
Member

Re: Poetry thread


Oh dear! Now look what you've started! I haven't written any poems for ages, but now I've been inspired to write some about my BC experience. I wrote a really long one that I wont bore you with - just an outpouring! Here are some others:


Guilty
Guilty, I’ve still got both boobs.
Guilty they're almost a pair.
Guilty there's so many women
Suffering so much worse to bear.


I didn’t have the chemo.
I never lost my hair.
I didn’t have the sickness,
I avoided the despair.
While others talked of hair loss,
And moaned about their wigs.
They complained about their nails
Crumbling like ancient twigs.
I’m guilty for not sharing
In their sickness and their pain.
So guilty if my cancer
Should recur in me again!
I could have had the chemo;
They did give me the choice.
I debated long and hard,
Then heard my inner voice:
“It isn’t worth the anguish.
It won’t be time well spent,
Eighteen weeks of poisoning
For a gain of five per cent.
Time to put this behind me.
I need to get back on track.
Quality not quantity,
I’ll never get this year back.”
Not sure if I’m a coward,
Or really very brave:
Refusing to have chemo
May cause an earlier grave.
Today, I’m back at work,
Not still home sick and ill.
One day I may regret this,
But I hope I never will.
Chris
JCJ
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Just discovered this thread. Thought I'd share this with you. I copied this poem from a book years ago because I thought it was brilliant. When I was dx with BC I found it again and sobbed my heart out. But it IS a very positive poem about bereavement.

If I be the first of us to die

Let grief not blacken long your sky
Be bold yet modest in your grieving
There is a change but not a leaving
For just as death is part of life,
The dead live on forever in the living.
And all the gathered riches of our journey,
The moments shared, the mysteries explored,
The steady layering of intimacy shared,
The things that made us laugh, or weep or sing,
The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring,
The wordless language of look and touch,
The knowing
Each giving and each taking
These are not flowers that fade,
Nor trees that fall and crumble.
Nor are they stone,
For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand,
And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.
What we were, we are.
What we had, we have.
A conjoined past imperishably present.
So when you walk the woods where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled banks beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land;
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you.
Be still.
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.

From The Smoke Jumper by Nicholas Evans
RevCat
Member

Re: Poetry thread

Tors that's brilliant. Good to see this thread active again.