Gooseberrygirl, so sorry to hear about your son. so just sending very warm huggles to you. Jenny.
That's beautiful Gooseberrygirl. So sorry to hear of Sam's death. Awful, awful awful that young ones should go before their parents. I hope your grieving will bring peace eventually, and wonderful memories of a wonderful son will remain with you forever.
I hope no one will mind me posting in this thread a poem I have written for my son Sam, who was killed while working in an accident. Sam was aged 27, I am just missing him terribly Hope no one minds me writing this poem for Sam x Missing you so much my son ....x
Silently together, shoulder to shoulder we are encompassed enclosed my love, safe soft comfort, quiet and timeless, softly still, while all around are moving memories.
We are sitting together almost touching within this mosaic of life. My love you are with me so close. In the trees, the raindrops and damp mists. In the bright lush space you breath with me, every breath.
Then like the rain your gone my love, like mist softly stealing away. X x
There is a glade deep in the woods
where Violets bloom all year.
A place of peace, a place of love
a place to lose all fear.
Just rest within this wondrous place
and listen to the sounds
of Robin's song and Dove's quiet call
such comfort can be found.
Remember those who bravely fought
and shed a silent tear
for those we loved and those we lost
whom we still hold so dear.
So bring your sadness, bring your pain,
to Sandra's woodland glade,
to be consoled and find great peace
beneath its leafy shade.
I did not know you,
You were just a name to me...
But you were on the road we travelled
And you will be in my memory...
Dedicated To Sandra
You're our first thought when we wake
and our last when it gets late.
Our lives are deeply intertwined,
all the February Valentines.
We shared your joys, we shared your pain,
when this dreadful sickness came
and tore our lives apart.
But deep inside our heart
forever we will keep,
whether wakeful or asleep,
precious thoughts of you,
Our Sandra, strong and true.
One year ago we met.
Just one year - and yet,
How can I ever forget!
Sometimes I catch your shadow,
Sneaking down an alley,
just around a corner,
in the darkest recess of my brain.
Stalking me - the ghost of what once was-
and what might be again.
I thought I had expunged you,
drove you from my head
in the halcyon days when poisons
in my blood rid me of your threats.
I believed you would be gone for good!
But here you are, my stalker,
waiting, while fear of your return fills my mind.
Oh Cancer, why are you so unkind?
I was a chemo warrior,
bearing arms with pride.
I didn't care
that I lost my hair
I took it in my stride.
I was a chemo warrior
I lost my breast, that's true.
With lymph nodes gone
I soldiered on
and took what was my due.
I was a chemo warrior
and I'd do it all again.
I can't deny
it made me cry
but it also kept me sane.
'Twas the Night of my Chemo
'Twas the night of my chemo, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The mind it was buzzing with just one single care
I hope my hot flushes don't burn off my short hair!
The family were nestled all snug in their beds
Whilst "what shall I do now?" danced round in my heads!
And hubby lay snoring, Liz - complete with eyemask
Had given me thoughts of a 2am task
When out of bed, my mind 'buzzing off its rocker'
I looked at my desk and it looked rather chocker!
Away to the desk, I flew at it like a flash
Tore open the drawer, grabbing paper from my stash
The moon on the breast of the overgrown lawn
Gave me a feeling that created a very slight yawn
When what to my buzzing mind should just appear
But a tiny, stupid, yet creative idea
With a bit of paper and a biro filled with ink
I knew in a moment just what I had to think
More rapid than Blues strikers, my idea came
And I put on the kettle and thought up name
Now Barrie! Now Lizzie! Now Dad, Gaz and Sis
On Skiddy, on Holly, we can get through this
To Janet, Jo, FB, all at Hall Green School
Now dash away, the cancer away, cuz it won't rule
As one life leaves, a new scary life ahead lies
When I sit at our bar and ask all the whys?
So I stood, positive I grew - yet the tears still fell
With the help of more Carling I think "what the hell!"
And then, from through the tears, I hear this from my man
The determined words "we will do all that we can"
As I drew up my head, all thoughts turned around
Down I am now - cancer, you won't run me to ground
He ( well I ), was dressed in onesie and Christmas hat
And to be fair I looked a right bloody Pratt!
A bundle of hope though, I had flung onto my back
And I looked at my family: my Lizzie, my Mr Mac!
His eyes how they glistened - I knew with love and pride
Her eyes how they glistened - I knew she had cried
His and her mouths drew up as if to take a drink
And we all raised our glasses to our new future of 'pink'
The lump of a life had been taken away
And the chemo we knew would start straight away
He threw back a swift whiskey to go with this beer
And fine dry white wine helped me and Liz with our fear
He was strong and supportive, he showed no fears
And I smiled when I saw him, despite my rolling tears
A hug from Lizzie and a call from my Sis
Soon let me know I could 'Keep Right On' through this
He-re tis 4:40am and I'm still buzzing off my tree
And no-one can see I'm happy as happy can be
Family, friends, FB, HGS - whilst you're all tucked up tight
I send thanks to you all - you helped me win this fight
4:46am 17th December 2014
TWO CHEMOS TO GO 🙂
My husband complained of the pictures....
Haunted houses the nurse declared
On the walls of my Breast Clinic
I used to gaze at them in despair.
Now a year on I felt much stronger
But old fears within me burned
I gripped my husbands hand tightly
What if the cancers returned.
My turn now and the nurse smiled politely
And once more I faced my fear...
A ray of sun fell on the haunted houses
'You're fine .. we will see you next year!
In The Breast Clinic
She sits in the Atrium, drinking hot chocolate
Where no one can notice her sad little face.
She looks up at Prince Charles, gazing down from his portrait
which hangs on the wall in a prominent place.
She watches the people come in and go out.
She was one of those people this time last year.
Some are relaxed, while many seem worried
stomachs all twisted and knotted with fear.
Today she is scared again, waiting for test results
could there still be cancer? Invisible flecks
deep in her lymph nodes unseen and unknown,
hiding away, are there micro mets?
But here is the moment, the doctor is smiling.
His words are good news and she brushes a tear.
She's NED! No evidence, how she rejoices.
But one thing she's sure of - she'll be back next year!
Love your poem, I was to celebrate my 60th this year but like you had to put it on hold. hope you get to have a good celebration when you have it. Take care
Not everyone enjoys Christmas, think of the poor old fairy at the top of the tree:
The Disgruntled Fairy
Well - here I am,
look at me;
the fairy on top of the Christmas tree.
Dress all torn,
wings all tattered -
and a magic wand that's bent and battered.
My rosy cheeks are a little bit faded
and my smile is looking decidedly jaded.
I wish that Christmas was over and done
as these pine needles stick in my bum,
but I'll just sit tight,
I suffer from serious vertigo!
For two whole weeks I'm perched up here
then it's back in the box for another year,
squashed between a bauble and a bell
no wonder I end up looking like hell.
I suppose one day they'll throw me out
with the left over turkey and brussel sprouts
'til then they gaze at me from afar -
but I wish they'd swap me for a bloomin' star!
It's nearly Christmas Santa,
And there's something I want so bad
I've got my front teeth, I now have some hair,
What I need I suppose is quite sad.
You see what I want is selfish
And some say I'm misguided
But since my mastectomy
I really am lop-sided.
So..... with boobs so pert and rounded
I could go to the social affair
I'm sure my husband would be pleased
If I had a decent pair
I know your busy Santa
But please help me get up the gumption
To tell my dear ole surgeon
He can now do reconstruction.
That's brilliant. You might have 'lost' your tonsils, one and a bit breasts, uterus and womb, but you certainly haven't lost your sense of humour. With such a great attitude to life, you will probably surpass 70 - hope so anyway.
Wrote this for the Feb Vals really, but thought I'd put it on anyway.
I've had my fill of listening
to newbys rants and moans,
I'll concentrate on all my Vals
and leave the rest alone.
It took a while to realise
I can't give love to all,
but it's you Vals, who lift me up,
It's YOU that I adore.
So, Alison, Amanda,
and Caroline and Chris
oh yes, you two as well.
Corinne, Di, Dyane, Elaine,
Eva and dear Gill.
Jackie, Jo and Jenny,
Hope you're not feeling ill.
Karen K., Kim, Lisa,
Linda, and Louise,
Mandy, Paula, Sandra, Tup,
Not forgetting dear yvonne
Oh how you cheer me up.
So thank you, every one of you,
and how could I not mention
our own good nurse, our Wattie
who calms our apprehension.
Stay cool, calm and collected,
Do not fear,
Do not cry,
Just be Yourself.
Stay strong and brave ,
And not afraid.
How hard is that,
I hear you sigh.
Ask for help,
And stand big and tall.
We can over come
We will try and be strong !!
Have nice weekend Everyone .
Fondest love Tracy xxx
Just started my journey four weeks ago, so I am trying to write about my experience
You can get used to anything
It’s me, me me, with me
Too damn right, I have been marked
Reminded life is fragile, finite
I can’t waste time
It’s an emotional rollercoaster
What rhymes with that, it doesn’t scan
Up and down, it could be worse
But not much; one day at a time,
Step by step, getting through.
Dealing with it, I’ll be OK
It’s common, like a cliché 1 in 12
Words with a sting, a body blow
A scorpion bite won’t kill a healthy adult
I’m healthy, right?
I forget for moments at a time
I have breast cancer
I finished my radiotherapy a week ago and tonight, suddenly felt I needed to write something down on paper about my journey:
February, I was a “normal” 49 year old
Looking forward to big celebrations for my half century
Then I found “it”
And my life was never to be the same again.
Thrown into a whirlwind of hospital appointments
Breast Care Nurse, Surgeon, Oncologist
Each with their own advice-
“I’ll cut it out, you’ll need radiotherapy”
I tried to understand, the terminology was all new
Wide local excision, sentinel node biopsy
Then the results, nodes all clear
Strongly ER positive,-Tamoxifen advised
Ok, I thought, I can do this, it could be worse
Then came the bombshell-HER2 positive
The goalposts moved
So now I’ve had the surgery, the chemotherapy too,
I’ve just finished radiotherapy,
Started Herceptin and Tamoxifen
Along with all its side effects
Eight months further on,
I’m here to tell the tale
The half century celebrations were postponed
I’ll celebrate next year
Physically, I look different now
I have grey hair, no eyebrows and look older
But however hard this is, it’s a small price to pay
For I still have my life to share with my family and friends.
Glad I don't have to do this, sadly many do.
The Chemo Train
Just bought tickets for the chemo train
I guess I'll have to ride again,
feeling those feeling,not liking this ride
just want it to finish I will confide.
The chemo train
the chemo train
gotta get riding the chemo train.
First time round was bad enough,
with sickness and baldness and all that stuff!
So going again is gonna be tough,
I know I'll be feeling mighty rough
The chemo train
the chemo train
gotta get riding the chemo train.
Having that needle stuck in my hand,
that's just not something I had planned.
All those injections, all those pills
making me sweat then giving me chills.
The chemo train
the chemo train
gotta get riding the chemo train. WHOO WHOO!!
I'm living in a bubble,
and It isn't very nice,
sitting here alone
with my heart as cold as ice.
So many people round me
Think they know just how I feel.
But no matter what they think,
my life is so unreal.
"You're cured now" They all tell me
"You've been so brave" and yet
I sit here in my bubble
trying to forget!
I didn't feel too scared.
I didn't feel that ill,
It's now I've learned to dread
as I start to climb the hill.
The hill towards normality
whatever that might be.
So I'll stay here in my bubble
and keep up the search for 'me'.
Thank you Tracy, a bit of a cheat really, I was only 36 when that was taken. I just wanted people to see what I looked like before cancer and with a PROPER head of hair.
I've just posted on the prayer thread again, as Sandra is currently in hospital in isolation as she is neutropenic - again. And she has a really sore mouth. I hope she doesn't miss as many treatments on GemCarbo as she did with Fec-T, I don't know what you think, but I feel all those delayed treatments might have allowed her cancer to spread and become secondaries. Her team told her that this regime is kinder than Fec-T, I don't think that's how she feels!! Bless her.
Sending best wishes, Bless you Tracy
Love your poem too. xx
PS . I love your new photo xxx
Yes , We'll bury it deep and not think of our fears. !! How true Poems ... BUT
No matter how hard we try,
We worry and fret and care
Of others and what they think
Of us , and all of our fears laid bare.
We want to be happy and carefree,
We try so hard to Keep Smiling ,
But Breast Cancer lingers alongside us
So we just have to Stay Calm !!!
Lots of love to everyone and thinking of Sandra Poems. How is her treatment going this week ? Tracy xxx
Loving everybody's poems. Here's mine.
One Year Ago
What was life like, one year ago?
In our ignorance, we didn’t know
just what was to come, just what lay ahead,
if only we did, what would we have said?
Would we say “Bring it on”? Or - “I don’t really care”!
Or would we shiver and shake with unbearable fear?
What courage we showed then, facing our foe,
the invisible force that hid deep below.
Deep under the surface, just like an iceberg,
chilling our souls and numbing our nerves.
We cried, “why me?” And thought we’d go mad.
But in the end we just felt so sad.
Now all that is over, behind us at last -
but a niggle remains, is it all in the past?
We get on with our lives so calmly - and yet
are we really so sure, and can we forget?
Forget all the worry? Forget all the pain?
And never think it could happen again?
The fear will be there for the rest of our years
but we’ll bury it deep, not think of our fears.
Thanks Tracy...Love your poems.....yep it's so true we are all in a club no one wants to be in. Whatever stage we are at it's a long road and we don't know what we may have to face in the future so let's live for today. lots of love Irenee xx
That is great Irenee. Keep it going ......we love inspirational messages and Yes we are all in this together .
Sending love and hugs Tracy xxx
This time last year I thought I would die,
I was numb with shock, I couldn't cry
Afraid I entered a world unknown
Scans and chemo, and feeling alone.
Now I have a new head of hair
Thicker than ever and I dress with more flare
I'm grabbing life and on regrets ....I'll pass
And as for cancer... Lets all kick its ****.
Love that one Poems 🙂
Each morning while out in my garden,
the cobwebs are draped all around.
They stretch across fences and bushes,
all the way down to the ground.
Their invisible threads do annoy me,
as they brush up against my face!
I end up covered all over my head
and they cling to me just like lace.
It really is quite a battle,
avoiding those traps spiders lay,
I won't be one of their victims.
I have to plan every day.
So every morning with broom aloft,
Sweeping the webs right and left,
spiders fly all ways then scurry off,
Looking quite cross and bereft.
But as I look out of my window
I know they'll be back again,
And all I can do until morning,
Is hope that we have heavy rain!!
Gooseberry, i wish you had posted this back in June.
We went to Portugal, my OH and 2 young children. Seeing topless women on the beachm, was VERY hard to cope with. I felt the sting and then the pain...
Tracy i love your follow on poem..,makes me feel better xx
Hi Gooseberry Girl,
Your poem rings very true with a lot of us and holiday time is indeed a difficult time, especially when young beautiful women sunbathe topless but remember ............
We are loved for who we are inside,
It doesnt matter if we try and hide.
We are loved beyond compare
Relax have fun and let him stare.
Human nature when flesh is bare.
On TV , book and film the glare
Is hard for them to see.
We must love them so much more
And help them through the pain.
We're still the same
We love them more
Just for being there !!!!
Lots of love Tracy xxx
Two Years On and what's the score?
Fear all stored, like in a bottom Drawer,
Sometimes they get out and scream and shout,
September came and a Holiday, Sunshine Oh what a treat...
Until the bodies on the Beach!!!
Oh My God ! I feel a freak... And that awful jealous streak,
Hits me like a Tidal Wave and I always thought I was so Strong
My Love has put up with so much... But
Like a Greyhound out of a Trap..He Sprints,
To Gaze at the beauty of Normal Bodies
Unravaged by This Disease,
Who can Blame Him, Not I.
Two Breasts gone bunot defeated, Human Nature Battles On,
We Cope the best we can but God in his Wisdom has a Special Plan
If you can see it your the Better Man!.
Maybe Cancer is the Devils work ...?
But Sometimes it really Hurts....
Just back from the onc. and feel pleased as I am free until March and this poem came into my head.
GOODBYE CHEMO BLUES
Oh! What joy, (tho' I look like a boy)
To wash and dry my hair.
Oh! What delight, to go dancing at night
And not attract a stare.
Oh! What sheer bliss, to get past all of this
Chemo sessions and days of despair.
To laugh and have fun, like everyone
And to feel I haven't a care.
Oh! What glee, to have found ole me
And to say to you ladies out there.
Go dancing, romancing, have fun, but think on
Most of all... hear my call,
be very breast aware.
Doe Of The Morning
Doe of the morning
how faithful you are,
keeping your secrets
when near, or afar.
Your eyes - sweet as almonds
and white silken throat,
you dance like a dove
on a far distant Oak.
Drink deep from the Lilies
all covered in dew,
then hide with your secrets
the white winter through.
This one is nothing to do with cancer, or cancer treatment. But I thought it might make you smile:
In The Eye Of The Beholder?
Whenever you look in the mirror
are you bothered by what you can see?
A pimple, a blemish, or even dry skin -
or do you look flawless - maybe?
There are so many rules about beauty,
should we care about what people say?
Is it wrong to wear day cream at night?
Or even wear night cream by day?
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize
the gurus all advocate this.
They think you have time by the hour,
I think they're taking the p**s!!
So as we get older dear ladies,
oh, don't forget gentlemen too,
we do all we can to keep looking good,
and cover our bodies with goo!
You are a budding poet yourself. Have a great weekend everyone and if we get any inspiration in the wee small hours then simply post, we love to read the poetry , it always makes us smile.
I too say a big Thank You to everyone Lots of love Tracy xxx
Great poems ladies. This one is just a simple thank you to all of you and to BCC for being there.
I've sat on seats in benchland,
In the dark,dark woods I did dare,
I've wept and laughed at some poetry
All thanks to Breast Cancer Care.
You helped to calm my fears
My hand you held at my scan
So to all you ladies I take of my wig
I am forever a fan.
Another chemo related poem.
The big, fat, red faced Buddah
There is a group of women
I've got to know so well,
the most inspiring people
and every one a belle.
We have one thing in common,
breast cancer is its name,
it's taken over all our lives
it really is a shame.
Every single day
we share our worst nightmares,
and deep down inside we know,
that each one really cares.
So when we feel that we can't cope
and things get really tough,
and when we feel real ugly
and definitely rough,
we try to cheer each other up
with little jokes and stories.
But sometimes life is really bad
it really is a b****r.
Especially when we think we look
like a big, fat, red faced Buddah!!
Written a couple of months ago, while still going through chemo.
Absently I lifted the brush
And went to do my hair,
then suddenly remembered
there wasn't any there.
I looked at my reflection
and had to shed a tear
as I looked so old and haggard
it filled me with dread and fear.
I had planned to go shopping
but instead I'll go back to bed
as all of my joints are aching
and so is my poor old head.
That is great Irenee, especially true about the smiles that we fix on our face , but this site brings us real smiles and we all know that we can say anything without offending anyone......this is how I have been feeling for the last few months which is why I have not posted very much .....
Am I being paranoid?
With every ache and pain
Why do I need
To get it checked ?
I must be going Insane.
I just want to Stay Healthy
But as the years pass by
I start to think
This Cancer Curse
Will always be on my mind.
Help me to stay focused
Help me not to fear
That Cancer is coming back
In a different part
I just want to stay Clear !!!
Thanks very much for sending it to the top. Keep it going girls . Lots of love Tracy xxx