Charys - I haven't dared venture on this site for a while!!
You do realise, don't you, that the slaughter of alligators is purely to "use" them to make handbags, to then dance around !!!
JCJ - despite my preferences, and not having a sweet tooth, I still prefer THE "Magnum" as in detective as oppo ice cream lolly. Flip, whats his name?? Ah, Tom Sellack. Ffworrrr. He's my idea of handsome. Yeh, I can still go wobbly at the knees girls, when looking at a handsome man - just no longer have any desire to take it any further - that ok?? My X boyfriend still gives me wobbly knees - ooomph so handsome., and he's been with and married to a guy for many years!! Sooo, I'm harmless as far as men are concerned. I'm that much more "dangerous" with gorgeous women!! So you'd ALL better gird/protect your loins ETC.!! Take NO notice - I'm ALL talk - NO action. But much of that is because I've not finished my boobs recon, in order for me to then VENTURE OUT again into the dating scene, and/to hopefully meet the right person/WOMAN !! Then BEWARE !! Naaa, still take no notice.
WHAT?? Baby nephew of TEN POUNDS 2oz. Flip - I'm crossing my legs at the thought of !!! Your photo of swim shoes gave me the eebiegeebies - somewhat macabre. What are you're thoughts on that then??
Yey, Kayak Jan - glad YOU'VE taken note of the "camel slices" !!
I'm feeling that they're NOT really acceptable somehow. Praps change it to alligator "slices", as "burgers" have already been mentioned. The camels seem to be more like PETS, so I feel I've offended. Despite the HUMPS are a well known delicacy in Macclesfield, I've been told.
So been to Drs. again today. Beginning to get used to him and find that I'm getting to like him, he may look 12 but he seems to know what he's doing! Anyway, chest X-ray clear but "because of history" they want to do an MRI ( told you they would) but I accept they have to be thorough. New medication prescribed so hopefully that will improve things. And another week off work so that's good.
I am NOT swimming the Channel, no way, no how!! Me and my cerise spandex and lurex costume and high heeled shoes will however cheer you on from the support boat.
My swim shoes.
If the storage is waterproof then it must, of course be filled with cake and savoury snacks - got to keep my strength up?!
KJ my swimsuit is purple Lurex, with sequins of course, and I shall wear a glowing swim hat and high heeled flippers.
I am hopping up and down on the over excited bench - our camera birdbox now has at least 5 eggs in it!! (Can't see the whole of the base of the box as the camera's not quite in the right place) Baby Bobs and Babses on their way!
Because we switched the Bob Channel on and saw this, I was very late for swimming. In my rush, I forgot to put my bra in my bag - (always don Cossie at home, for a quick, modest change when I get there!) Couldn't scurry to the car undercover of darkness because it was still light! It was lucky I had my fleece hoodie with the kangaroo pocket - I could hide my 1 and a half boobs in there!
Other good news: I became a Great Aunty for 6th time today. Great nephew born at noon 10lb 2oz. I expect my niece will be on the highly padded bench for a while?? Ouch! This isn't the one the blanket is for - he/she is due soon too!
No, Charys, not like chickens and eggs - more like cows and beefburgers! But don't worry, just like cake is calorie free and fine for anyone on a fat free gallstone diet (me last year) or even diabetics, in Benchland, so alliburgers can be eaten by vegetarians as no actual animals are harmed!
Camel slices not carnal slices?!!!
Shove up on the FB bench. I just went to vote in the local elections and my polling station is right behind a shop. Thought I'd treat myself to an ice cream as it's suddenly summer. OMG! Magnum Black Espresso for only 50p. It would have been rude to refuse?! Now I wish I'd bought several and
eaten them put them in the freezer.
Right, must away for my swim. I'm virtually swimming the channel - currently (actually, there is no current in the swimming pool!) 15% of the way across.
Wooooahhhhhhh, hold on, 'culling the alligators', flipping heck..........I didn't sign up to come here for a dark slaughtering ritual. I'm a vegetarian don't you know, and I have tortoises and a snake. Lol Those alligators are the prehistoric ancestors of many reptiles. Actually, maybe they aren't, maybe the tortoises were before them, or the snakes. I'm not sure about any of my facts here, but, can't we consider shipping some of them out to another forum to use, if they are breeding that well ? You could still wildly dance around the shipping crates with handbags , but there will be less blood. I know I'm only new to Benchland, so, I may be overstepping the mark. If this is impossible, then can you let me know when you are planning it so that I'm not around. Ta.
How do the alliburgers come out of the alligators.....I mean, it is kind of like chickens and eggs?
Camel slices sounds a bit......Er.......rude. Or maybe that is just me?
Hey Delly, good to see you here, this is a nice light imaginative place here isn't it.......OAD and I have only just arrived at benchland a couple of days ago....you are such a 'light' around the forums.....have you been coming here long?
Katy have you done your 5 year stint then? Mine is due to start in the next few weeks.
Hello delly, we posted at the same time, well I didn't think coming off ta"poxy"fen would make the hot flushes worse but they def are, speaking to a friend she said that this is normal but should only last a few months, fingers crossed xx
Hahaha have had the windows open all day despite the gale force winds..............
Now the alligators, we do have a cull every so often when there is a celebration of sorts, whatever you want to celebrate, we're there
Please be prepared, we dance around our handbags, wear tiaras, flashing light shoes and anything else that we can lay our hands on, green knitted knickers or mens spotty pants are the order of the day. We also drink glitterberry juice by the barrel and there is usually a firework display. JCJ unfortunately must be kept away from the sparklers as she writes swear words then blames everyone else?
FF, glory moment is she spins on her head for hours a truly spectacular sight.
The Dame swans around with ASBO boy and The Duchess in borrowed dresses from a well known actress.
And Ali chases the camels. xx
FF, any word yet? xx
Katyc - am not understanding why, if you've just come off Tamoxifen, you are suffering hot flushes. The Tamoxifen throws us into early menopause, so would expect you to have hot flushes because of it. But NOT MORE after you've come off it???
What you like you lot??!! And what am 'I' like - upon immediate reading - mistook "caramel" slices for "camel" slices. Well Both caramel and camel were being talked about so a natural mistake there being a mere two letter diff - r and a. Mmmmmm, having a savoury tooth, and possibly vampiric tendency, think I prefer camel slices !!
So Charys and OAD - this is where you've been hanging out - ey? Not surprised, as this loony lot have a tendency to make you laugh, altho do also discuss seriousnesses too.
Loadsa love to all and hope you're all doing ok?? That's physically - I'm not so bothered about how mad you all are, cos I'm the same.
The best skill these particular reptiles have is gobbling up all the guilt and turning it into delicious alliburgers!
Hump and Dink want to know if they can join you on the friendship bench? Be warned: they are VERY mischievous camels! Ali brought them to Benchland and then lost all control of them - they have a tendency to run riot, and Dink, especially just HAS to be the centre of attention!
I'm actually outside today having my after school mugga - in the shade!! Sorry KTC, if it's still brass monkeys up there - (but you do have beautiful scenery?! )
Phew, no reptiles are not welcome on the friendship bench unless of course they have some special skill to offer (scratches chin, can't imagine they do ...). I think those caramel slices have gone now. How about a nice glass of chilled white wine to sip in the sun? X
Yep, I'm with you on the friendship bench......well I wasn't originally because I was still sauntering around marvelling at the alligators. You know me, I do like reptiles (we went to 'alligator world' whilst on holiday.....spent hours watching them...... Not that they do a lot until feeding time......just lie there like large beanbag filled rather pointy looking doorstops and open or close their mouths now and again ....or suddenly take a dislike to a fellow alligator for no apparent reason and chase each other round. Then lie back down again like beanbag filled rather pointy looking door stops. So alligators are definitely not invited to the friendship bench then !!!)
However, I have now dashed over at speed to join you and Katy ........shall we share our warmth and sunshine with her......? Yep indeed we shall, as long as her caramel slices don't melt.
Thank you for the welcomes you lovely people. At the moment I am simply enjoying the friendship bench, if anyone else wants to join, there is plenty of space.
It's is here FOR SURE. Last week frost and snow, this week hopeful for an end of week high of 25. Well I never, what a turn around of events ( a lesson there we can take from nature. Yes ?) I have celebrated with two cadbury's crunchy icecreams, which have popping candy on the outside. All very exciting.
How is can it be 'technically ' his birthday cake, it either is or isn't JCJ? 😝 Mind saying that one of the ice creams I ate was technically for OH, luckily he won't ever know because he didn't know it was technically even here in the freezer.
Welcome ona diversion through Benchland, 'On a diversion'; glad to be a source of amusement!
Sitting in my sunlounge with my just-got-home mugatea and the penultimate slice of coffee cake (better save the last for OH as it is *technically* his birthday cake?!) WITH THE DOOR PROPPED OPEN!! Shhh! But I think Summer might be here! Well, OK, spring then!
Welcome on a diversion, there are plenty of benches to sit on the "cheered me up" is a great bench!!
On the "look like ****" bench today/night or maybe this is just me now???
Oh dreary me...........
Wanted to buy a mac for GD you know the ones that come in a bag, well went into a well known shop and they said "no we don't have them, usually come in later in the year" ok have you seen the weather??
Managed to get one anyway, whew from N***, woohoo!! xx
Hahaha Ali, think I will join you on the "denial" bench..............but we can't feel GUILTY, ever!!!
Charys, big welcome to Benchland, if you can't find the bench you want, you just make it up, easy peasy! Think JCJ has explained all goings on pretty well, had forgotten about the bungee cords, there is also a skateboard that you can zoom around on, The Spider Sanctuary which is to be avoided at all costs and The Cave.
Had a meet up with RevCat today, first outing we have had for AGES, we decided to go to the "smelly" pub fortunately it wasn't smelly at all and we had a lovely time and a yummy lunch. She was asking after you all so have kept her up to date. Will find out later if MMU4 is a possibilty for her this year.
GS decided to take his first steps last week, woo hoo, another tooth and an "Ok then" whew.............he's a busy boy hahaha!!
Am now ta"poxy"fen free and have been having lots of crazy hot flushes, geez, how long does this last??? xx
Jan I wouldn't be mean enough to inflict the humpy ones on you
Today I finally had the ages overdue sort out of the wardrobe (well, till I got bored). I've stopped kidding myself that the size 8 clothes I was wearing way back in 2012 when I was diagnosed will ever fit me again, possibly because weight loss is one of those cancer things and it could have been the BC not a clever diet making me skinny. That's my excuse anyway because I am firmly on the Denial Bench as far as the maltesers =tummy suggestion goes. I also had to part with a perfectly good coat simply because there's a photo of me wearing it looking tired, ill, fed up, hamster faced thanks to steroids and that startled no eyebrows look. So it will go to the local cancer research shop along side a lot of teeny jeans and a couple of dresses I associate with putting a brave (and hairless) face on during treatment. In their place I have bought a bright yellow jacket to wear to a wedding, I look like a bee but oooh it's such a cheery colour!
So, I'm adding the It Might Seem Daft to You But It Makes Sense To Me bench, it's sitting right next to the Anyone Who Suggests My Clothes Are Too Tight Because I Eat Too Many Maltesers Will Be Shot bench
There are bungy chords to swing from bench to bench, C, and that playground spongy stuff in case of sudden landings, but feel free to add a swinging bench - perhaps well away from the FF bench - don't want anyone swinging it off it's hinges - and welll away from the lake - over exuberant swinging could result in an alligator- feeding disaster?
I must do some reading and find which pages to recommend to you. There's the pantosrtavaganza (haha my predictve text still remembers that! ) on ice, the silent carols, the firework party, several amazing productions directed by Dame Grumpy, not to mention the synchronised diving, swimming, skating display. Yes, we are a versatile lot here in Benchland!
Thanks for the introduction to Benchland JCJ. I did start reading the many thousands of posts from 2011, but realised it would probably take me several years to get to the end and so gave up on page 502. Righty Ho, so, hmmmm, which to choose today. I am guilty today for starters, having shouted at and been somewhat aggravating to my 'also suffering' husband....for no good reason other than he didn't use 'exactly' the right words I wanted to hear. He did the best he could but it didn't meet my current exacting and sometimes hysterical demands. I shall throw the guilt into the lake right away and therefore I presumably avoid the guilty bench for today? Can we also have a swinging bench....only because they are fun and relaxing? ( but also symbolic as they match mood swings)
Page 505 with thanks to 'Norberte'
ok, so just to recap the benches:
to your right as you come in you'll find the guilty bench - it's small, & there's a queue so when you're sitting on it you can feel guilty about that too
to your left is the long ****ing furious bench - it's become a circular bench (with a nice easy gap entrance for those of us who can't clamber) but tere's always plenty of room, & it's the powerhouse for the whole bench area, in producing steam which somehow gets turned into energy
the straight ahead we have the we're-all-equal bench - as you'll see it's conveniently near the guilty bench so people can hop across from one to the other any time they feel like they should / shouldn't be moanin as much / little as they are, because compared to other people hey have / haven't got it better / worse
the just behind the large circular ****ing furious bench you'll find the fat b******s bench - reinforced, obviously - which is conveniently close to the it's-my-fault-i-got-cancer bench (queue there as well, sorry, we're working on making that one bigger)
the over to your right behind the guilty bench you'll find the is-it-me? bench - for hen we've been shaafted by the nhs getting it wrong & somehow always manage to come out thinking it's out fault or we're completely mad
conveniently near that one is the sad bench - it does what it says on the tin
& next to that we have the my-oh's-a-b****** bench, some of us will nip on & off that one but if anyone gets glued to it tere's a divorce / run away crane available
|& now i feel guilty that i've probably forgotten a vital one - don't worry, i'm typing this in the queue for the guilty bench - but i can confirm that each bench has tissues a tissue bin, chocolate, alcohol, wet wipes & a maagic box with anything else you might need in it (meat cleaver, pin doll, photo albums ....)
hope having a map clarifies things nicley - you'll notice that large empty area to your far left where there's room for growth, & electric scooters / buggies are available for travelling around the site
pl note that us disabled people can't jump the queue for the guilty bench - that'd be depriving others of something else to feel guilty about, which isn't fair play
On the smug bench. Just cleaned all the inside windows. For once, I have done it on a dull, rainy day, so until the sun comes out to reveal all the smears, I can kid myself I've done a good job!
Welcome aboard Charys! I hope this thread provides you with as much support and amusement as it has for us.
Invent as many new benches as you want - somewhere in the depths if the 500 or so pages there is a map of the existing ones!
Throw all guilt in the lake. The alligators feed on it and Foxyferret (FF - not to be confused with the FF (****ING Furious) bench) wrangles them into alliburgers.
No swimming in the lake (see above)
Don't be offended by our bonkers antics
Laugh - it's definitely medicinal - but it's not always advisable to try to explain to anyone else what you're laughing at - tends to lead to strange looks and/or shouts of "Nurse!!"
Share all delicious goodies. The shed is full of stuff. In Benchland it is all calorie and guilt free.
How many benches are there here? ( they've been multiplying since 2011 it seems). What categories of bench are open to me, to help me make my choice? :0)
We just went to the local farm shop for lunch, KTC, just a jacket potato (me) and soup and a roll then bacon & sausage roll (him). We were going to go for a walk after doing the fruit & veg shopping but it *issed it down with hail, sleet and rain so we came home and watched the snooker instead, while I sat on the craft bench knitting the baby blanket that sister started, which I shall give to her son and D-I-L for their 3rd baby, due soon. His/her older brothers both had loads of stuff knitted by "Nanny Trains" now he/she will have something too.
Had a takeaway pizza for dinner and I threw some salad together to go with it. Not exactly painting the town, but it's what he wanted! As to the spotty pants - both pairs were in the wash - I had to hang them on the line inside out so I didn't blind and/or frighten the neighbours!!
Hello jan, the reinforced FB bench has a space, just, cause I am taking up a lot of room now, caramel shortbread yum, yum!
Sooooooooo exciting your grandchild's arrival, do you know if boy or girl??
Will you be going out for lunch/tea JCJ? Should we don the spotty pants again?
Been quiet this weekend, just me, YD has been away and ED was at a Disney thing with GD.
So have luxuriated lounging around, next week is busy every day
Raining here, yuckety yuck xx
Nearly there, Kayak! Hold that dream of kayaking down the bay. You'll realise it before too long - (but be prepared to be VERY tired during and after RT for a while)
Don't worry all comestibles in Benchland are calorie and guilt free. All fat and sugar content can be ignored, and everything tastes wonderful even with Chemo mouth!
OH birthday today - now reached retirement age, (but he's been retired for the last 10 years anyway!) Coffee cake has been requested, so I'll put some in the shed later.
Yes they are, grumpy!
It's freezing here so don't blame you going home, far too brrrrrrrrrr, we had snow last night, huge thick flakes, it was beautiful, all gone this morning though.
FF, one part down, even though we have a "turn" every time we visit docs, it is best to be thorough, also gives you reassurance. Fingers and toes crossed for you x
Am also a Dr Googler, haha!!
Bought two summer tops will I ever have a chance to wear them??? Cold just looking at them..........xx
So blood tests have come back ok (and phlebotamist said Dr. had asked for an awful lot as he took three test tubes of blood from me) except sodium is a little low - repeat test in a week- cannot get an appt until 10th May so that will be 12 days. Incidentally I hardly felt the blood test but the bruising is horrendous!! Hey ho. Waiting for results of chest X-ray. Feeling an awful lot better today. Putting lots of salt on my chips tonight!
They are testing me for absolutely everything and I can't fault their thoroughness although I really am convinced that the result will not be cancer related as I just do not fit the symptoms. ( I googled... I'm sorry but I'd rather know). Seems to me that I when I present with a problem they go into overdrive "because of history". As they did two years ago. But that's not a bad thing. I fully expect an MRI scan "just in case". Will update you as and when. But I am better than I was.
Snow, hail and sleet is not the best thing on a camping holiday, don't blame you for going home Grumpy, best place to be.
Weather here changeable, sunshine, showers, sleet, hail, more sunshine, frosty mornings, lovely afternoons. Wearing layers because they'll be on and off all day.
Drooley snotty kisses from little people are WONDERFUL!
Camping trip was cut short due to opening van door for Dogs First Wee revealing snow, hail and sleet!
Cue pub lunch and drive home.
Snow on the fells today, winter jumpers, vests and coat back in use.
Haha JCJ, am always hanging around the FB bench...........
Glad you had a lovely meal.
FF, let us know as soon as you can please.
GS who is just saying the usual mum, dada etc suprised everyone yesterday when he said to daughter and GD "ok then" WHAT???? haha, tried to get him to say it today, no chance but was rewarded with a drooly, snotty kiss xx
Chicken liver pate
Monty's Fish platter and chips - which was delicious...... and enormous!
A long lingering look at the desserts board, but as I was already wishing I could undo my trousers, I had to resist.
Now slumped on the FB bench contemplating the need to sleep on the Wish I Hadn't Eaten So Much bench tonight!
Happy Birthday JCJ, have a lovely day.
Just a quick update onn Drs appt. she didn't actually say the "history words but I've got to go for tests as I expected. Having internet problems so don't worry if I'm not here for a bit but I will try to use daughters laptop as often as possible.
Woo hoo JCJ, ice skates and tiara on, Happy Birthday!!!
Have a superly, duperly good meal, what's on the menu??
Is OH wearing his special pants??
Big hugs flying your way, have a great night xx
Chocolate cake, oaty biscuits and lashings of glitterberry juice in the shed, ladies (and any lurking gents?!) Help yourselves. Party frocks on tonight. Alliburger barbecue. Fireworks. Ice skating display. The works. 56 today!!
Got a bit upset earlier, at break time, at school: checked phone: 2 birthday messages - from both B-I-Ls. Realised no sisters left. HT was lovely though and made sure I was OK before I had to go back into class.
Going out for a meal tonight - just to a local cheap & relaxed pub. Will probably eat out again on Saturday as it's OH's birthday - (my digits reversed!)
Talking of digits - still got my fingers crossed, FF, how did you get on at Docs?x
We posted at the same time, KTC! I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better. Headache not got any worse either? HOORAY to feeling better! BOO to the new tabs!
The demons are thoroughly scared away. I could hear them screaming like a bunch of girls as they disappeared over the horizon.
I'll keep everything crossed for tomorrow for you, FF. Be brave. Don't be fobbed off. Tell the doc why you are concerned and, if necessary remind him/her that you NEVER normally go to the doctor's!!
If tests are required, I hope you don't have to wait too long for them - or the results!!
Love the Northumberland coast, Grumpy, but it's a long time since I've been there. My memories are of vast, almost deserted beaches 😁 and less rain than on the West coast, even if it is a little more nipply! Winter has returned here. Cold wind and blustery showers.
Hope you are having a lovely hol grumpy!
Not too long to wait FF, fingers and toes crossed for you. Let us know what happens x
Today I have felt the best ever for months woo hoo!!!! All new tabs stopped.................
Well, we have had two snow showers, brilliant sunshine and gale force winds so am supremely jealous, no coat, NO FEAR haha.
ED off work today, she never stays off so she must feel bad xx
Oops forgot to say well done, fixing computers, well impressed
I am sooooooo proud of myself, I've had a problem with my internet conection and my laptop was suggesting solutions and I've followed the instructions and fixed it! Yay! Go me.....!
Drs. appt. is on Tuesday. I'll let you know but I really expect to hear the words " because of your history" and to be sent for tests.
Thanks for keeping the demons at bay JCJ.
Katy - hope your ED is feeling better today. When is she due home?
Lovely sunny day here today, went out this afternoon to a car boot sale. No coat needed...... lovely day. Bought some books and a jigsaw puzzle. That should keep me quiet for a while!
On a campsite on the Northumberland coast, and yes it's a bit nipply!!!!!
Joey has a bandanna squirted with anti stress stuff so he's a lot calmer. Meg is in a huff because she wasn't invited to THAT birthday party......
Thanks for advice 're nails, GRRRRR!!!!!