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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hi everyone,
Have read a couple of threads on here that have made me angry today, maybe the tamoxifen?? First being that people would pretend to have cancer on this forum and another, people spying on very personal statements and heartfelt private stories, as someone else said why don’t they just ask? Made me feel sick that some people now on here feel they have to edit their feelings, how very, very sad, as I have felt relaxed and comforted by the comments I have received over the last few months.
The next rant is feelings of guilt or being made to feel guilty because you have not received chemo or not received rads, or not had a mx or had no node involvement etc. What everyone has to realise is that we all have bc . We didn’t want it, there are no feelings of superiority and we all just want to help and support one another certainly not judge or belittle others.
My friend told me a story today about two women who both had bc, one had a small tumour had a lumpectomy, rads and tamoxifen no node involvement, the other lady had a large tumour removed chemo, rads , lymph nodes removed (cancer 18/24), first lady was congratulated regarding being cured and second lady received great sympathy, turns out first lady is now terminal and second lady is living life to the full.
I think that story puts things in prospective, we all matter.

13,326 REPLIES 13,326
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Good grief!! Neighbour just been round. They raised nearly £2000 on Sunday (including £500 donation from a local, large, online-only supermarket company) I, who never win anything, won a scarf in the raffle and guess the name of the bear - a cute teddy with the name of the hospice on its jumper. Apparently called Kandi, but as bears in this house are ALWAYS male, that will probably change! OH won a gel manicure - can't wait to take the p out of him about that!! :D. Added to the chocs, smellies and wine (OH) won on the tombola we did quite well! 🙂

 

I only entered the guess the name as an afterthought - when I went round again in the afternoon, because next door neighbour wanted to go and wouldn't go on her own. I saw the cute bear - which I'd missed earlier - and had a guess!

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Four more days - only three with children - I can do this! Snzzzz

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Only a week to go at school actually only four days now.  Can't wait, I need to work 4 hours over the five days of half term. Will have three days off and work two hours for the other two days. One of them needs to be Friday because of the water checks.

 

Daughter and I going tomorrow to a local shop run by a Mum and two daughters that love sewing. They make baby/toddler clothes that are just beautiful, all hand made, even hand-stitched smocking on the dresses, how unusual is that?  AND all they want is to cover their costs so the dresses are reasonably priced. (Really they are far too cheap.)  Daughter ordered three dresses, GD's measurements were taken and we are going over tomorrow for a fitting,  This is bespoke tailoring to GD's size. Seriously if they put their business on the Internet or if they were in London they could get £80 - £100 for a dress or even more. I told the lady in the shop (one of the daughters) that they were far too cheap.  She was adamant they just enjoyed making them and just wanted to cover their costs.

 

My GD will be the best dressed toddler in the South West! 

 

 

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Glad all has gone well, love walnut cake, will now run to shed asap xx

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Typecast, grumpy????

HahahahaSmiley Happy!

 

Am so glad I don't have a car, what an expenseSmiley Frustrated!

Laughed at clothes off and on scenario JCJ, if you had worn your lycra suit, things would have been so much easier, you could have even swam in it, hee hee.

Glasses are fixed so no more one leggedness.

Feet are still soooooooooooooo painful, lido on Wed so really hoping that does the trick, it should, fingers are a bit ouchy too. If I didn't have lido this is what life would be like, no wonder people take very strong painkillers...........

Mugs? am also soooooo fussy when picking haha xx 

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Coffee and walnut cake in the shed. Neighbours' sale seems to be going well. The heavy rain has stopped and the sun's come out, thank goodness! They have tents/gazebos up but it would have been much more miserable if the rain had carried on!

 

I'm going to make the most of the sunshine and go and tidy up the plant tubs on the front ready for the winter plants next week - if I can get out of this chair.....!

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My half term's going to be expensive too.  Cam belt and new tyres for car and birthday present for daughter.   As we have totally different tastes I can only surprise her with an idea and then leave her to choose.  About two months ago she mentioned that she would like to smash all her mismatching mugs and get new ones.

 

Lightbulb moment, I would buy her a matching set for her birthday!  Sat on that thought until this week and then told her and took her to a local seaside place that had hundreds of mugs in different shops, 

 

All we managed to buy was a fish and chip lunch that was alright but not a patch on our fish and chips at MMU4.

 

The search for mugs goes on.

 

Lovely day today, books read, daughter called in for a cuppa, recorded tv watched and homemade healthy burgers eaten.  Tomorrow ......much of the same, I expect.

 

 

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Just found these one-legged glasses. I think they must be Katy's. Lol.

Glasses

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Just delivered a whole load of homemade jam to a neighbour who's having a charity sale tomorrow in aid of BCC and a local Hospice. She's one of us! Just finished RT. I hope I managed to give her some hope for the next few years, at least, and that they raise loads of cash for both worthy causes. I'll nip across tomorrow and buy some cake - well, it'd be rude not to?? 😁

 

Who said anything about typecasting, Grumpy? Do you want to borrow my broomstick? 😛

 

I hope your feet are less ouchy now, Katy. When is your next Lido?

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Rehearsals every night!!!!! And I've got a part!!!! It's a real witch of a woman who drives her son to murder....... who mentione typecasting??

Grumpy

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Dentist....ouch....poor you JCJ !

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Went to dentist. Filling will have to be replaced by drilling out what's left of it and putting a new one in "with supporting posts" sounds horrendous! I have booked a 40 minute appointment during half term. 😨

 

It's going to be a very expensive week: return train to Norwich, hotel for 2 nights, meal out with the girls, £199 dentist bill (includes XRays he took today - all OK - and scrape & polish) and car service and MOT (thank goodness I had the cam belt done last year!!)

 

Today, it has seemed like I've spent the whole day dressing and undressing. 7am Dress for work. 12:30pm Change for PE lesson. 3:30pm change back into work clothes - refuse to go to dentist in PE kit! - 7:30pm change into swimming costume, jeans & fleece. 7:55pm remove clothes at pool. 9pm dress after swimming. 9:45 remove clothes AGAIN and don nightwear. Lie down exhausted - just from all the changing never mind the 66 lengths! Annoyed that I didn't manage 70, despite having plenty of time, because I got cramp in my foot and toes that I couldn't kick out, so I had to give up and get out of the pool. Still, by my calculations, I have 85 lengths left before I reach Calais. Should arrive Thursday 27th around 9pm - provided my car gets through its MOT - if it's still stuck in the garage, I won't be able to go swimming!

 

Teaching all day tomorrow in a difficult class that have only had their own teacher for 1 1/2 days this week. Going to be hideous. Thank goodness it's Friday!!

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Think we have a language/country difference here.......cause I live in a different country we say legs hahaha! !!
Says me rolling around the sofa guffawing with laughter xx

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Button appears to be a hug button as both Delly and I tried it and those 2 posts are registering 1 hug apiece. Neither of the posts were worthy of a hug so I guess it was us testing out the orange alligator! 🙂

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Leg??? On glasses? Mine have arms. No wonder yours are lopsided?! Are they wearing knee highs (or even knee eyes?! :D) hehehehe!

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What is it???? and what's so emotional (hahaha)????

What's happening??

 

Do feel emotional, am really struggling with my feetSmiley Sad..............not making doc appt until I have my lido because fingers crossed that will get rid of this pain!! It's AWFUL, boo hoo. Nothing helps, resting blah, blah, blah.

 

Oh and the leg fell off my glasses today, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, found an old pair which are supremely lop sided so I can still see to read, albeit with a tilted head xx

 

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YeY you gals- have pressed on the sais alligator button. What's hapenned??

Dellywellydoodaah xxx

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Oh hello! What's this strange new icon, next to the hug button. It looks like a comedy orange alligator!! 😄

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Ah! So it's not just me that randomly triggers "emotional content" warnings. Lol. I was starting to take it personally: pay no attention to her she's always emotional! 

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What emotional content? I selected a very happy smiley face! 🙂
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Haha 

Spoiler
Smiley Very Happy
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Yes, Ali, I remember some problem about camels and needles!

 

What? Why would they even TRY to thread themselves through the eye of a needle? No wonder they're hopeless at sewing on sequins?! 😛

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Well, that explains the sequins in the carpet. Camels aren't that good at sewing their own beauty pageant costumes...

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Sorry your feet are still sore Katy, hope they improve soon.  My knee better again today.  Been daughter's chauffeur today, so went supermarket shopping with her.  I only wanted three things but then things like white chocolate and blueberry biscuits just need to be tried don't they? 

 

At her beck and call again tomorrow, she needs to go places, not a problem.  My car will be in the garage in two weeks time so favours will be returned.

 

Dink is absolutely bound to win that competition!

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Oh my I thought pic was of my knees???? hahahahaSmiley Happy

Lovely you had a great time aliSmiley Happy

Glad your daughter's back is better, FF.

My what a bargain, haven't been to a car boot for years.

Like garlic and apple things, together though??? not sure..............

 

Goodness, I assume Hump is cheering her on?

When you do reach Calais, shall we jump in, as you are approaching shore? or shall we just stand and cheer? Do you want us to sing?? Shall we have food ready? Will you be arriving in the evening?? If so are fireworks order of the day? French food, glitterberry wine?

Getting jittery cause you know how organised I have to beSmiley Happy!!

Feet still sore but managed to get into townSmiley Frustrated, roll on lido xx

 

 

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Ladies, ladies! I can let you into a secret! I know where Dink is! Apparently (according to QI on Twitter) Abu Dhabi hosts an annual camel beauty pageant. So that's why it's been very quiet in Benchland?? 🙂

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Just back from a lovely weekend in London with OH. Amongst other things we went to see Jersey Boys - fabulous!
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When did you take that picture of my knees JCJ?  Thought I wore trousers at MMU's.  Knee is better today so hopefully sorting itself out as it has done before.  The day will come, I suppose, when it will not get better in a few days and will become a real problem.  

 

Done all the washing today and got it dried and folded, just need to put it away now.  Family descended on me this morning, son cut my lawn for me.  I provided an early lunch and then we went to the car boot sale. 

Lots and lots of xmas decorations there today and I took a chance and bought one of those five candle light arch thingies (know what I mean?) for £3. Have been wanting one for years but have always baulked at the prices of new ones. Got it home, plugged it in and it works. Yay!

Also got a folding step for £2, just need the extra height to reach the top shelves of the kitchen cupboards.

 

Katy, you should open box to check it's not damaged, not bad Mum at all. Just checking Mum.

 

Daughter's back much improved after her visit to Chiropractor on Friday but her car did not survive the journey and is now in the garage to have a new water pump fitted.  I am now her taxi until  it is fixed, taking her food shopping in the morning.

 

Moving to cross stitch bench until bedtime, I'm about halfway though one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Forgot to say: the apple cake was fine, so I must have used the right flour. 🙂 It's in the shed along with the remains of the home made apple pie and a gazillion damson jam tarts (so long since I've bothered to make a pie, I forgot how much pastry to make and overdid it rather!)

 

I don't recommend eating the apple cake with hands that have just been peeling garlic. Definitely an acquired taste: garlicky apple cake! 😕

 

 

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How about these? They'd look fabulous atop some stripey knee highs and flashing light shoes?!

 

camel9.gif

OK so I may have been advised by Dink as to the best looking knees! 😛

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Stay in the chairSmiley Happy!!

What are we like?? 

Bad knees, bad backs, and sore feet..................

My knees are the only things that do not hurt, hahahaha!!!

 

delly, am sorry but am going with the suitably fashionable, painted toenail, new feet, thank you JCJ.

Can you now find some new knees for FF and yourself?

YD's laptop decided to die, so new one arrived today, YD is out, sooooooooooo tempted to open box, bad Mum xx

 

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Oh, FF, I know exactly what you mean about the knees. I get that too, where you just can't trust them. It almost feels like it could bend back the wrong way. Especially going down stairs. And the clicking! 😞 I used to have trouble swimming breaststroke, some weeks, because my knees would click and be painful, but since BC (I'm wondering if it was the anti-inflammatories(?) In the REACT trial?) I've not had so much trouble with them.

 

Been busy doing essential Sunday things: shower, stripping big bed, washing, ironing. Also made pastry & sliced up a couple of our Bramley apples ready for a pie for dinner. CBA bench has now grabbed me but I know I'll feel better if I can just get it together to go out for a walk in the sunshine. But I'm so tired. And this chair is so comfy! 

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Your feet can join my knees in room 101, Katy, onc said after the bone scan that I had dodgy knees.  I already knew that but for the last few days I've been forcibly reminded that my left knee just does not work properly.  It's done it before and then righted itself so I hope it will do so again.  No pain, just a feeling that it's not going to hold me up and it clicks at odd times especially going up/down stairs.  

 

Had the flu jab this morning, I remembered to go today!  Have not got any of the mentioned side effects so far so feeling hopeful that I will not have any of them.

 

Have had a lovely lazy day, reading, catching up with recorded tv etc.  Just chillin'.

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Sorry you're having such a bad time with your feet Ktc xx
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Hey all you gals

No question as to the more fluffy 'B' options with ref to slippers. Feel sure Ktc will plump for the same.

Hey JCJ - Got that you're going to see your girls 23rd, but when is there wedding gonna be?? Hope you have a well deserved rest from SRF.

xxx 

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Oh how I wish we had 2 weeks off!! Preferably starting now. But we have 2 weeks to get through (although the last Friday is a training day, so no children!) and then one week off.

 

We go to Norwich, to see the brides to be, Sunday 23rd for a couple of nights. Really looking forward to seeing their new house.

 

Bramley Apple Cake cooking in the oven at the moment. Will put some in the shed. However, playing back, in my mind, the cooking process, I think I may have used plain flour instead of SR. Perhaps there will be Bramley Apple Biscuits in the shed?? So tired. I'm struggling to function at all!

 

I am trying to order you some new feet, KTC, which ones would you like, these:Crazy-Slippers

Or these:

Feet

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Hopefully all goes well for them this year JCJ.

What no leftovers???

 

My feet are going in to 101, rested for 2 days, went out yesterday and ouchy, ouchy ouch.........

If possible would like a new pair...........asap!!

GD off for 2 weeks, do you have 2 weeks too?

When are you off to see the bride to be?

Have been on the "CBA" bench for hours......... about to get up and tidy up, what's that I hear?? My kettle is boiling and there is only 1 pecan and caramel slice left?? Oh dear looks like I'll have to eat it xx

 

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Just checked in on Bob TV and he - or Babs - is back in residence!! 🙂 We never did get around to clearing out the nest so he/she is just roosting on top of the debris.

 

So tired. Thank goodness it's Friday!! Incapable of doing anything other than flopping in front of the tele.

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Cheated out of 5 minutes at swimming, because the girl on the desk was faffing around, so I 'only' managed 67 lengths. Still, I'm now 89% of the way across. 3 700 metres to go or 2 1/4 miles. Might do that in 2 weeks, but dentist appointment next Thursday which might stop me going.

 

I have another suggestion for Bench 101: parents who don't put names in their offspring's uniform and then expect us to locate missing sweatshirts/coats/trousers:

Me: "Has it got his name in?"

Irate mother: "No, but it's brand new, with a school logo. It's a size 8 to 9."

Me: (sweetly) "Yes, there are probably at least 30 of those in school, most of which would have been brand new for the start of the school year!!"

 

Honestly, it feels like I spend half my life trying to reunite children with articles of clothing or disposing of vast amounts of unnamed lost property. You'd think people wouldn't want to waste so much money having to re-buy everything? The school sweatshirts are only available through school, (and therefore all identical) and not exactly cheap like the supermarket ones!!

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No worries Katy just take it at your own pace, a "bit bad" is not a problem.  It's not easy but another day, another week is always  there. There are good days and bad days.  But it IS achievable, with the right appliance and the right motivation.  I really had no option with my diagnosis but it was still difficult and I was trying from about March but it took until September to finally give up that last morning one.

 

Glad your back is improving JCJ.  I'm still helping out my daughter whose back seems to be getting worse by the day.  I'm helping her as much as I can and an appt. has been made with a chiropractor for Friday so hopefully that will sort her out.

 

Been to son's tonight and sympathised about his poorly finger.  He cut it rather badly at work on Monday and had to go the minor injuries clinic and get it seen to. Butterfly stitches and a bandage.  He'll live. But he always needs sympathy from his Mum!

 

 

 

 

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An inspirational video for anyone who has or is battling cancer!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQybvIwvggE

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Steak was yummy. As was the apple pie and ice cream. Of course there were no leftovers! It was good to catch up. Last time the 4 of us met up was just before Christmas last year!

 

I've had 2 unexpected full days of teaching, due to crises happening at school, so I'm completely kn***ered. Sat here thinking "how the he** am I going to find the energy to go swimming??" "Oh, it's not Thursday! Thank goodness!" What? It's only Wednesday? How is that possible??? So I've still got TWO days of this week left AND swimming?" 😞

 

Back is much better, just a bit stiff in the mornings and the odd twinge now and then. Got to be careful how I bend to work with children.

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I know you will be sending me to Room 101, when you see this.......................

Ordered my X*** food yesterday, hahahahahaha xx

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I know you will be sending me to Room 101, when you see this.......................

Ordered my X*** food yesterday, hahahahahaha xx

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Hope you had a lovely evening JCJSmiley Happy!!

Were there any leftovers, left over in the shed??? haha

Is your back easing now?

Had GS yesterday, the dashed into town, too much in one day as I just managed to walk home, feet were very sore.............

Hos phoned, I could have had a cancellation appt for the lido but the date offered I can't manage, mmmmmm, it's a weird thing because sometimes it affects different areas so fingers and feet are extremely sore this time whilst next month it could be elbows haha! Who knows??

At least it's better with it.

Have been a bit bad FF, with it, mmmmm back to being "good" by next week xx

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Hi to everyone

Hope you have a really good night JCJ. Can see you salivating or slobbering at the thought of a nice juicy steak. You'll be leaving a trail all the wat to the restaurant - like a snail !! not a slug !! Snails are prettier :-))

Hope you're all well

Lotsa love Delly xxx

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Got home to one of THOSE letters: handwritten envelope. Postmarked in the town where the hospital is. Didn't spot it wasn't addressed to my first name, because I was too busy panicking.

 

It was a letter from the optician, about my eye test, a month ago! They just realised that they never asked me for payment. Now I have to pay the full price for the eye test because I threw away the "£10 eye test" voucher. That'll teach me for trying to get away with it?  Should've paid at....... 😄

 

Going out for a steak tonight, with friends who are ex-colleagues. Yum. Pity it's not til 8pm though. Usually in nightwear, by then, in front of tele! I'm so hungry now, I've just had to have a large slice of barra brith to keep me going. Wasting away! (as ES used to say, if dinner was a few minutes late! :p)

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101 Benchlist

 

1/ Yeh, bloomin cyclists on pavements.

2/ Mountain bikes and people who ride so called mountain bikes on rambling paths meant for walking and churn up the countryside instead of keeping to specific mountain bike trails.

3/ Hand Dryers in loos - bring back paper towels

4/ Non Onco Consultants who come out with ignorant questions such as "did your breast mastectomies "cure" your cancer"?

5/ Any consultant who tells you not to worry when you've experienced BC and are having potential 2ndaries looked into.

6/ Radiographers who aren't trained, proficient, adept at inserting cannula's into foot or ankle veins for someone who can't have them in either arms.

7/ Women who "purposely" elect to have false boobs that obviously look like false boobs (there's a difference and not due to BC) - like two 1/2ves of a football stuck on. Why??

8/ People who don't use their indicators in cars.

9/ People who drive in the middle motorway lane when they're not overtaking and insist it's the "cruising" lane.

10/ People who say to you, thinking they're being supportive - "you'll find someone who loves you the way you are" when you've lost both your boobs, are single and DON'T LIKE the way you look to yourself, but won't/don't listen to what YOU, who's been through it, have to say about it.

 

Oooooo girlies, that's just a few!!!!

Lotsa love xxxxx

 

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