69030members
362712posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Highlighted
Member

stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hi everyone,
Have read a couple of threads on here that have made me angry today, maybe the tamoxifen?? First being that people would pretend to have cancer on this forum and another, people spying on very personal statements and heartfelt private stories, as someone else said why don’t they just ask? Made me feel sick that some people now on here feel they have to edit their feelings, how very, very sad, as I have felt relaxed and comforted by the comments I have received over the last few months.
The next rant is feelings of guilt or being made to feel guilty because you have not received chemo or not received rads, or not had a mx or had no node involvement etc. What everyone has to realise is that we all have bc . We didn’t want it, there are no feelings of superiority and we all just want to help and support one another certainly not judge or belittle others.
My friend told me a story today about two women who both had bc, one had a small tumour had a lumpectomy, rads and tamoxifen no node involvement, the other lady had a large tumour removed chemo, rads , lymph nodes removed (cancer 18/24), first lady was congratulated regarding being cured and second lady received great sympathy, turns out first lady is now terminal and second lady is living life to the full.
I think that story puts things in prospective, we all matter.

13,325 REPLIES 13,325
Highlighted
Member

Will we ever see Norcambe again JCJ????? xx

My C present from ED and family was going to be a stay in a hotel over New Year...............that's not happening.................so have been told today will receive something else................no hints at all.

Was gift from holiday a C present or did you already receive, if so what was it??? xx

Highlighted
Member

Hurrah for selling😀, woo hoo!!

Good weekend, managed to get things that you leave for another day/week or even months done, so pretty pleased. Went super early to supermarket this morning then had a rest and in afternoon did town stuff. Rain stayed off, been raining for days and days now, yuck.

Decided to get some more photos ordered and painted frames to go with others in the hallway. Have one quirky pic of oldest GS that makes me smile every time I look at it so the new photos are of the other 3 are super quirky too, GD will prob be super mad when she sees it but just couldn't resist.................

Lips were awful ouchy thought bottom lip was going to explode, bit of an exaggeration, this is my last week but will have to leave it until things calm down a little haha.

Back to reading again, purchased 2 books today from charity shop. xx

 

Highlighted

Glad you're feeling better. 😊 Hurrah for lido effectiveness too! 

Yep. Chippies fetched and devoured. Highlight of the very dull lockdown week. 

Just finished the family present shopping, online of course, as always. DIL put some fancy tiramisu flavoured coffee on her wishlist - from a shop on Norwich! - and I ordered it along with 2 other coffees: whisky flavoured and Christmas pudding. They arrived here this morning and the whole house smells of tiramisu!! Not unpleasant, but not what I'd choose as an air freshener!! 😁 I have had to wrap the paper bags  of coffee in 2 plastic bags and seal them in an old plastic ice cream tub.... and I can still smell it! It's a good job she's not here: that would spoil the surprise? "Tiramisu? No, I can't smell tiramisu". 

Still contemplating cake making - may even make a pudding for next year (I've bought this year's, but they need to mature anyway): haven't made puddings for years. Used to make them every year, for the following year, until one year they  all went mouldy and I only discovered it too late to buy one. Trauma!! I nearly made the cake today, but decided to save it for a day when I've got nothing else to do. Got to spread out the jobs in Lockdown or I get sooo bored!!

OH and I both had an email, this morning, from our local Borough council, saying there is a high Covid-19 infection rate locally and when /if lockdown ends on 2nd December we may be in the highest tier.... so still effectively in Lockdown. 🙁

The girls have had to take their 'new' car back to the garage because it was behaving strangely: losing power, in 5th gear, when they were travelling back from our house. Instead of fixing it, the garage has given them a full refund! But now they've got to find another vehicle and go through all the tax and insurance refund hassle. At least they don't need a car for commuting - or holidaying (they bought the bigger vehicle for camping!) - at the moment as they're both still working from home and GD's nursery is within easy walking distance.

I sold a knitted adult and baby monkey today, on Et*y! That's 2 baby blankets and the monkeys since I decided nothing was selling so I'd knit a blanket for myself!! Another few quid for NSPCC. 😁 

Highlighted

Have you started cake making? Done or still contemplating?

Nausea starting to fade and tummy feeling so much better hurrah, was really getting fed up!

Did the walk to nursery no problem shows how much lido works it's brilliant stuff, considering was unable to do it for last two weeks.

Am not staying in hospital, thought about it and am happier to be at home.

Was meaning Benchland, as long as you are signed in it works if not its the whole thread from beginning...........

Is it chippie tonight??

It has never stopped raining this week and oh so horribly grey, yuck xx

Highlighted
Member

Sorry you've been feeling so yucky. Hopefully, it's just the SEs and there's not too long to go now. If the lido does it's stuff, at least you won't be in so much pain as well. xx

Your "not looking too bad" comment - was that about Benchland (which still seems to be madness.... and not of our making, for once!!) or your face? I've found the best way to find the latest post is to just click the link in the email. It's much harder to dip onto other threads and follow them chronologically, though, like I sometimes do. 

Perhaps the overnight thing for your lido might be a good idea? Gives you longer to rest before having to travel home (even if it isn't so far now). And if you're just going to sleep in a bed during treatment anyway...! I bet they can double the number of treatments too, if some are overnight!

Dead jealous that you can still lunch. All cafes, pubs and restaurants closed - except for takeaway - in England, until at least 2nd December, and then who knows....?! All we can do is go for walks or shop for food or medicine ('though all the shops were open by S********'s when I went yesterday! It seems selling a few cleaning products or some tins of dog food entitles a shop to deem itself "essential" and remain fully open!)

I'm well on the way to having finished my Christmas gift shopping. Done it all online as usual. I also bought the cake ingredients yesterday and a pudding. I'll probably make the cake this week, unlike most years when it's a mad dash to get it iced in time for Christmas day (and then we almost never start eating it before New Year anyway! 😁)

I hope the GC are playing quietly and letting you take it easy. 

Highlighted
Member

It is looking ok now.....................

Oh my what a yuck time I have been having, not feeling too good at all over weekend!

Mon a little better, just a little haha, tues lido, usual headache but the positive was this time I had my own room with bed that I jumped into and fell fast asleep, it was really brilliant, they woke me up for lunch otherwise I would prob still be sleeping😀

Not too bad at the moment and fingers are not as sore, woo hoo!

Having a quiet day, well, YD & GS are here so it'll be kinda quiet, I hope.

Am reading book that I am really enjoying sailing through it, so will have a look for others by same author, been a long time since I liked a story line.

YD found an early Black Friday bargain for GS's Xmas, £100 off, delivered here yesterday, woo hoo!! xx

 

Highlighted
Member

It's very, very messy, hopefully they will sort it soon cause it's a tad annoying...........

Yeah for magic nana!! How lovely😁

So that means you were up and dressed and looking chic???

2 more weeks of cream, yes side effects are long list...............

Am assuming this is going to turn into a thing that looks like a giant cold sore arrrrgh, thank goodness for the mask. 

Had a call yesterday from lido place asking if I would like to be admitted, spend one night having treatment then leave in morning. Was completely taken off guard, said I would just keep things as they are at the moment. There are pros and cons, sometimes you feel yuck and it would be nice to just curl up and be looked after. But home is good too! Am not sure?? That's a huge change they are now offering for treatment, wondering if it's the side effects?

We are allowed to lunch JCJ, so we are booked for Nov and Dec haha,

Another "in" day, may venture out tomorrow.........xx

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Goodness! The posts are all over the place! It's lucky I have email notifications so I know to search for a new post!

How much longer do you have to put the cream on? You wouldn't think an external application would cause such SEs, would you. 🤞🏼it does it's magic.

Speaking of magic, I joined GD's TinyTalk Zoom meeting this morning as "E****'s Magic Nana". 😀 They made me very welcome and it was lovely to join in.

Beautiful sunny day today, after days of damp, dull, grey. I walked up across the fields to pick up my Tapoxyfen (a new brand I've not seen before... quite an achievement after nearly 9 years of taking it!) this morning and, this afternoon, I took OH to a nearby Country Park for a walk. (He's missing his swimming and library friends so we needed to get out.) All that walking makes up for not swimming this week. I'm shattered now! 

No lunching ladies for you then either Katy, if you're in Tier 3?

The girls would have been coming tomorrow - just seen it on the calendar 😕 - ah well, at least we got to see them last week instead. 

PS this is madness! It's just taken me 5 minutes to find this post to edit it because I realised I didn't answer your question: no I've not heard about my pension yet. Hopefully that means she's doing what she promised and sorting out everything I'm entitled to. It's complicated because I've demoted myself and then reduced my hours in the last couple of years, but they should base the amount on when I was full time HLTA, apparently. 

Whilst trying to find this post, one popped up from FoxyFeret!! I got really excited.... until I saw the date was January LAST year. What is going on??!! 😡

 

Highlighted
Member

Oh what a mess!

Couldn't find your post thought it was upside down so then had to click on your name so I could read your post grrrrrrrrrrrrr! So thank you for letting me where to look, annoying, yes very.....................

Glad you found your calcium, hurrah.

We are now in tier 3 which means you can't drink anywhere so have no issues there haha.

Managed to get lots of things sorted yesterday, catch up time, phone calls and some paperwork, actual papers aren't due till Jan so well in advance will prob forget to post them haha.

Any word about pension?

Didn't go out and in again today and tomorrow so giving my body a little rest.

Though saying that have the two youngest GC, GS is very snotty so he's not at nursery and always have GD Thursdays. All ok so far GD keeps grabbing things from GS, used to be other way around..............so glad there is no long walk today. Am also sleeping really well think I am passing out because of pain haha so cakes etc are most welcome!

Started cream on lips and side effects are fatigue, joint pain etc so it's def a combination of everything.

Not raining here today, makes such a difference than everything being so very dark and grey.

Also bought 2 smaller little houses which light up there was nothing on box telling you anything about them so guy in shop said I could return them if I didn't like them, came home and they are battery operated when you switch them on they are flashing all different colours, not sure about that but they are cute little houses so are staying put xx

Highlighted
Member

Ooh. Katy, your first post in this thread has now been pinned at the top. I thought the posts had flipped upside down again but your most recent one is next. We've moved on a long way from that original post! 😁

Hurrah for bargain Christmas snow house!

I've started my Christmas shopping. Bought a few things online following suggestions on YD's wishlists (hers and GD's). Now I get the fun of parcels being delivered. 

Lots of tea, cake and biscuits by the everything hurts bench. Not long now. x

THE letter was just informing me that the bowel cancer screening kit will be sent to me in the next couple of weeks, so no results to worry about..... yet.

Popped into local town today because I can't get my calcium tablets in local shops. We're supposed to be in Lockdown 2 but it's ridiculous how many shops have managed to claim they are "essential"! I didn't go anywhere other than the chemists (x 2: first one sold out of calcium) and supermarket though. 

Highlighted
Member

40 is not old nowadays JCJ🤔...............

Oh goodness now you will start worrying re results, in the old days you didn't get a letter unless there was something wrong, when I received letter my stomach did flips, service changed and everyone received a letter that year and onwards whew!

Good job you haven't had mammo, jittery bench would be rattling.

Have a travel cot here and it drives me crazy, one day it folds no problem next day I take about 20 attempts, my blood boils..........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Had a slow wander to shops near me with GD this morning and bought a Christmas Snow House, have coveted one for a long time. Been looking online and liked one at around £25, saw same one today for £9.99, woo hoo!! Couldn't believe it???

Am on the "everything hurts" bench, one week to go, just have to grin and bear it or grimace and bear it haha xx

Highlighted
Member

Post arrived for me this morning. I thought "Hurrah! Pension options!" "Oh no it's NHS, well that's good: probably BC screening" It was BC screening, and I misread it at first and then said "Oh!" because it's for bowel cancer screening. I have reached that age! 🙄😕

I'll do it, obviously, better to be safe. We all know the importance of screening, but I'm still reeling from the realisation that I'm old! 😛

Highlighted
Member

GD is 19 months old. She has a travel cot and, up until this visit, has shared our spare bedroom (OH's craft room/tip!) with her parents. She is used to sleeping in her own room at home so when she wakes up, even just slightly, and Mummy & Mamma are, there she won't settle. She certainly slept better this time and so did her mums!

Hoorah! Phone call from pension people this afternoon (probably because I emailed them this morning: they have, "today" received my paperwork from the academy, at last, and have promised to prioritise my case as it's been so long - (even though it wasn't their fault). I should get the forms in the post soon. Whoop! It won't be much, but after nothing for so long I'll appreciate it more!

Thank goodness takeaways have been allowed to stay open during this Lockdown! We've just had our chippies. Yum

Take it easy, Katy, rest those poor feet. 11 days time and you'll be back in your dancing shoes. 😛 xx

Highlighted
Member

Will you have to pay it back??? Hahaha.

I know nothing seems to be getting done properly just now, hope you phoned them..........

Good you phoned about mammo, sets your mind at rest somewhat, always nervous times.

So glad you managed to see your girls and fingers crossed for Xmas or thereabouts, you may have it earlier, on the day or later but it will be at some point, forever the optimist.

You will need to buy a travel cot then you can both share room haha.

How old is GD now? Time passes so very quickly.

 

C gifts are completely done and wrapped, haha , always organised but this year beats all others!

Am very pleased.

Was unable to take GS up to nursery this morning, feet are extremely painful, ouch, 11 days to go who's counting? xx

Highlighted
Member

Good grief, Katy, C. shopping done already. I haven't even started to think about it yet!! I have made the mincemeat and bought the cake ingredients (I think - did it from memory!) but that's all. Luckily, I usually do it all online anyway, otherwise I'd be in trouble because all non-essential shops are shut, here in England, until at least 2nd December... and probably longer: the first lockdown was supposed to be 3 weeks and it was nearer 4 months!!

It was really lovely to see my girls. GD is adorable and such a quick learner. She's communicating well with her TinyTalk signs and quite a few words. I was amazed. I didn't understand some of the things she tried to sign to me and had to ask Mummy or Mamma for translation. 

TinyTalk has had to stop again, due to lockdown 2, but they are doing an online "Zoom" version to which I have been invited. They sent me the link for this morning's session, but unfortunately I couldn't get it to work in time (and I was even dressed ready by 9:45am!!) Maybe next week.

YD said, as they left, that they'll come over again "as close to Christmas as possible". Yeh! I wasn't sure they'd want to come, but they'll come FOR Christmas if Covid-19 restrictions allow or as soon as possible after, if not. That made the parting easier. (That, and getting my room back. GD was sleeping in there instead of in with her parents, which worked much better as she was much more settled, but meant I had to put up with OH snoring or sleep on the sofa! Still, it was worth it.)

I've been fretting about my 3 year mammo and having to stop myself getting in a state about it, so YD told me to ring and enquire. I looked on Google and found their website and it seems they have started doing routine mammos again but in a Covid-19-safe way, rather than "on the van", so they're a bit behind schedule. It said not to phone but to await an invitation letter, which will be an invitation to make an appointment, not an actual appointment, to save wasted time. So I'll mosey on over to the Patience Bench for a wee while.

Going to have to contact pensions people, again, because I have still not heard anything. I bet the academy still haven't done their bit. Grrrrr. OH has taken pity on me and has set up a standing order from "his" account to "mine" (they're both joint accounts 😁) because he feels guilty for pressurising me to retire. At least I can do some C. shopping now without breaking into the savings, or spending "his" money!! Hurrah. 

Highlighted
Member

Aaaah hope you are having a lovely time, what a surprise!!!

Just happiness all round.

 

Have been super busy, wrapping haha. Found I now only need one very small gift which I will buy tomorrow, am really pleased something else ticked off. 

Also did some early supermarket shopping, so by late afternoon was soooooooo tired promptly fell asleep!

Back to pouring with rain again..........hope your weather is better.

Have a brilliant time with your girls xx

Highlighted
Member

Grrrr! News from 10 Downing Street: another lockdown starting Thursday! 😢 So the girls won't be able to come. 😥

Also, no more library for OH and no more swimming for at least 4 weeks (but, realistically, it could be months.) Monday night is booked but..... 

Trying to keep busy to stay off the CSL bench when phone rings: YD: they're coming tomorrow until Tuesday! Yay! 👏🏻👏🏻😁 YD has just told work she *needs* to see us so she's taking Monday and Tuesday off, she'll make the time up - probably on Thursday and Friday, which she'd originally booked off. DIL will bring her laptop because she'll have to work from here on Monday.

Better do some tidying!

I hope their journey isn't too horrendous with every one on the roads, making a panicked dash to relatives while they can! 

Highlighted
Member

What takeaway did you get? Was it yummy? I had my usual Friday night mini fish, small chips and mushy peas with mayonnaise. Yum.

I hope you are having a quiet weekend and you didn't jinx it!

YD messaged this morning. There were planning to come and visit 13th to 15th November - because I chickened out of risking travelling there - but due to rumours of imminent lockdown, they are coming Thursday to Saturday next (this?) week. Fingers crossed. I really want to see them but I heard lockdown might be as soon as Wednesday. 🙁 I am SO sick of all this uncertainty. I realise that being able to make plans is a major part of one's mental health. That's why it was so tough before OH was medicated effectively. Now we're back there again. Oh well. I suppose there will be an end to this.... eventually.... let's just hope we're still well/fit enough to appreciate it.

So much for our retirement/Y6 leavers "do" in October! I guess that's not going to happen at all now: there comes a point when it's just too late to bother. Christmas concerts, at school have been cancelled, so I won't be invited back for that as promised. 😕

I'm still penniless. School (or rather, to be exact, the academy) messed up my paperwork and didn't tick the "retirement" box on my "termination" (ouch! That sounds rather final/fatal?!) forms, (despite me specifically asking them to do so in my resignation letter!) so the local government pension scheme can't process my pension. Grrr. I've phoned school and the secretary promised to get on to the academy to sort it. That was 2 weeks ago. Still not heard anything. Don't know how long to wait before enquiring again. Luckily, we can't do anything at the moment so we can afford to live on OH's pensions. I just miss having my own money to spend, especially with C approaching! I'll just have to crack open the ISA. After all, if this isn't a rainy day, what is?! (actually, it is p***ing it down and blowing a hooli today!) 

Highlighted
Member

Caramel shortbread won.........

We had sunshine here today, it was actually warm for a while then around 3 it was soooooooooo cold heating went on, brrrrr.

Takeaway for tea tonight, hurrah so won't have to raid the shed!

Scared to say it but no plans for the weekend, fingers crossed I've not jinxed it. xx

 

Highlighted
Member

Aaaah she'll be talking to you on the phone soon😀

Are they coming at C as well? If allowed..........

Tea in 2nd pub sounds so much better, gosh you two are doing well, swimming and walking, hurrah!

Glad OH is happy to keep tabs the same, difference is amazing, you must be well pleased.

Have an appt fairly soon with pain clinic seems to be open as usual and not a phone appt as yet, pretty unusual in these times.

Pouring AGAIN all day here, get so fed up as once it starts seems to last for days and days, yuck. 

Did go in to town yesterday, less than an hour so all good.

Some of the stuff ordered came today, just waiting for one thing, should hopefully arrive over the weekend. Am def wrapping some stuff this weekend.

Bite my tongue or caramel shortbread mmmmmmmmmmmm what will win?? xx

Highlighted
Member

Glad the "spitting feathers" episode has been resolved. Don't bite your tongue; bite something more tasty (and less painful!): might I suggest a nice piece of steak ... or some millionaires shortbread? 😁

We've had quite a lot of rain here too, although I was lucky yesterday because it stopped just as I was planning to go for a walk while OH was swimming. We're both swimming twice a week now but on different days!! So that's four times a week I have to drive to the pool!! 

I was contemplating doing another weekly swimming session, to make up for all those missed weeks, (and to fill my time!) when, 2 weeks ago, OH suddenly announced he'd booked for Tuesday afternoon. What? That's no good to me, I don't want to go 2 days in a row! So I booked Thursday lunchtime whilst he's at the library. While he's swimming on Tuesdays, I go for a walk and then we have tea at the chip shop or in a pub. At the moment. While we can. Last week, since you asked, I had ham, egg and chips which was mediocre. Last night, I had breaded cod, chips, mushy peas and a lemon and parsley sauce - at a different pub - which was delicious!

So, this week I've already swum a mile and walked 3 1/2 miles. Today I'm on the K bench. My hip, fine when I'm swimming or walking, has started giving me jip when I'm sitting or, especially, going upstairs. Grrr.

OH had his telephone call from PD nurse yesterday. She is pleased that he's trying to do more exercise and, because he doesn't seem to still be piling on the weight, we've agreed to keep his meds as they are for now. OH is greatly relieved. He's always terrified of saying something that will trigger the whole hospital appointment rigmarole.

Spoke to YD on phone last night. GD is loving nursery 2 days a week and she's starting to talk - and inventing new signs to supplement her "TinyTalk". She's obsessed with phones. They sent me a couple of hilarious videos of her holding a soft toy to her ear, or a mobile phone to a toy's ear, and shouting "Hello!" 😂 Can't wait to see them all in a couple of weeks time. 🤞🏻

Highlighted
Member

Poured and poured yesterday😑

Went to meet YD and was soaked, came out of station and no rain WHAT??

First time it had stopped all day.

Have to pick up an order in town today but oh so cannot be bothered.

Bought last gift this morning only sweets to pick up now. Am seriously thinking of wrapping them this weekend because I find it a bit of a struggle usually do them all at once and my hands don't like it any longer.

The episode that made me superly duperly mad has been concluded with an apology from a "person" who never apologises. They didn't actually address the main complaint which honestly they should have had their knuckles wrapped for but did say they were sorry for the distress caused.  So now have to bite my tongue and be grateful that they knew they were wrong.

Getting darker and darker here, if it rains am not going haha xx

Highlighted
Member

Uncomfortable or what??? hee hee, did he have a red face???

Did you have something yummy?

Gosh am not sure about mammos am sure it was on the news that they were restarting, you can always give them a call. 

Have been so busy with GC, have not had time to even think..........yesterday was the first time I had been on my own for what seems like ages.....and ages.

Am well ahead with c presents though, woo hoo! Who knows if there will be any shops open in the next couple of months? Also purchased a new C tree, it's pre lit because having wires all over the place were really making me so fed up last year, couldn't wait to take it down. Hopefully this will make a huge difference. 

Flu jab done arm was a little tender but no problems now.

It's pouring again here, yuck xx

 

Highlighted
Member

It seems this @#*%"* virus has caused the 3 yearly mammo program to be interrupted? I'm due mine this month, but I've had no letter and there's been no sign, for months, of the van at its usual place in the supermarket carpark. It's normally there for most of September and October. I'm trying not to take up residence on the jittery bench: every little twinge...!

Booked a swim for today, for while OH was doing his library volunteering. Thought it would get me out of the house, because I'm struggling with the whole retirement thing - (even made bread on Monday because I was so bored!) Of course, when the time came, it was a gloriously sunny, autumn day, the first in ages, and would have been perfect for a walk. I went swimming, because I'd already paid, and thought I'd go for a walk, after, as well. After swimming my mile though, my body said "NO" to any more exertion, so I sat on a sunny bench in the market Square and admired the trees whilst devouring a chicken baguette and mugatea (from a bakery chain that sounds like angry eggs! 😛) I was very proud of myself for managing to walk past the chippy, but it was only the thought of spoiling tomorrow's chippy tea that stopped me buying some!

It's such a pain that the showers at the pool are currently closed so I have to wash the chlorine off, especially my hair, at home. By 2pm, I had dressed 3 times, beginning to understand how those posh women who wore different outfits every 5 minutes must have felt! It's no wonder they didn't go out to work: didn't have time!! 

We went to the pub for tea on Tuesday and a very funny, only in 2020, thing happened: 2 men, friends from their university days, (A & B) and the girlfriend of A come in and sit at a table near us. After a fair bit of chat Girlfriend gets up to go to the ladies. She returns a few minutes later, wearing a face covering and carrying a menu. She asks the men if they want to order food and B replies, quite sharply, that they're just having drinks. He is then completely mortified when she sits back down next to A and removes her mask: he had assumed she was a waitress!! A very awkward silence ensued, while I'm trying hard not to snort with laughter. B was very quiet for several minutes - no doubt wanting the ground to open up and swallow him - before resuming his previous cocky Londoner talk. Hehehe. I wonder how the rest of their evening went!!

 

Highlighted
Member

Ooooh yummy yum, have eaten everything, thank you😀

You DO such lovely dinners............

It has poured with rain all day long, yuck, nipped into town for essentials as quickly as possible it's done woo hoo!

Anger has subsided, thank goodness but if I think about it too much rage surfaces again haha.

All your sewing will keep you out of mischief for a while.....xx

 

Highlighted
Member

I do remember this time last year, which is why I'm not pushing him to change anything.... just wishing we hadn't got rid of all his bigger trousers when we had to buy new, smaller ones due to weight loss that we thought was permanent! Currently buying elastic to make waistbands bigger!

Dinner, in the shed, will be: roast turkey (I bought a drumstick - possibly a bit close to C********, but there were no free range chickens and I fancied it) with roasties, Yorkshire pudding, buttery garlicky courgettes, red cabbage, roasted parsnips, green beans, red current jelly and gravy. Followed by chocolate fondant with raspberries and ice cream - if I can get off the CBA bench to make it (the pudding, not the ice cream obvs, I'm not that mad! 😀) x

Highlighted
Member

Well improvement seems to be very good, remember last year this time? OH has to weigh up the situation, pun intended hee hee.

Well, after showing off yesterday about GS, he went to bed last night at 7.30 pm and decided to wake around 1 am.................still awake and playing at 3.30 am, WHAT????? That's what I get.............

Did wash curtains last week, hurrah and did go into town yesterday, so on the pretty good behaviour bench!

But the CBA bench calls me constantly.

Flu jab will be available so receptionist was wrong according to google, you will be invited by letter.

Oh my had the most horrible nightmare on Fri, never remember my dreams but will remember this one for a long time, was in my own horror story arrrgh!!!

Am really hoping there are some yummy things in the shed tonight..........xx

Highlighted
Member

Not 50+ here! Overheard lady in Dr's surgery asking for a flu jab and she was told she couldn't have one as she wasn't over 65 or medically vulnerable - even though she lives with, and cares for, her 80+ mother. So I didn't bother enquiring for me. OH gets his because of PD.

I've got my immunity from 22 years in Primary schools. 😁

He's happy to keep being fat and taking 4 tablets a day. We'll consult PD nurse when she rings next month. 

Highlighted
Member

Oh my she looks beautiful😀.

Am agreeing with you entirely, too difficult at the moment to plan anything.........

It's ED's birthday next week and they had booked a couple of nights away, not to be, so they will stay home and be child free instead.

They are treating me to a New Year trip but honestly don't think that will be ok either.........

Am on the "should I" bench it's so near to the CBA bench which I seem to be hovering around at the moment, GS slept epically last night 8pm till 9am so I should be ready, steady go but am not haha.

Think they are doing from 50+ this year JCJ (I know you are only 40) but would give them a phone, I had my first letter in around 10 years of having jab, so appt next Sun at hospital instead of doctors.

Anything else about OH's meds?

There is an aroma wafting around the room and it's really not nice so bottom change methinks xx

 

Highlighted
Member

Glad it's been sorted. Benchland was beginning to resemble a bird's nest with all the feathers you'd been spitting! 😁 I've made them all into a snugly duvet.

I'm not eligible for a flu jab but OH has been told to have one in the past so I keep reminding him to book one. I think he's waiting to be invited again!

After extensive research, and nearly booking something, I have chickened out of trying to get to Norwich. It seems restrictions are tightening everywhere (Norecambe back in lockdown!) and I just daren't risk it... or potentially losing the money. So the girls are coming to us in mid November, Covid-19 regulations permitting. 🤞🏼

My colouring on "Happy Colour" this morning was this:

image.png

 Dink is on her holidays. She's had her hair done specially! 😂

Highlighted
Member

Hello SpennellsFerris, and welcome to Benchland!

Am so sorry that you feel isolated and really think this forum will be useful to you. I think that we all need reassurance and of equal importance the need to express ourselves openly to people who understand. Helps tremendously.

 

Oh my gosh thank you for the punching bag, if I could have kicked it.............I would have haha.

It was resolved this afternoon, it wasn't my issue but had to step in because it was so unfair, that's why I was soooooooooooo very angry! Couldn't believe what I was being told..........

Am babysitting this weekend, youngest GS, then next weekend it's ED's children, HELP haha.

Have you had you flu jab JCJ?

Am off to put my feet up for a little while, have a muggatea and perhaps some chocolate, bliss xx

Highlighted
Member

Hi SpennellsFerris, welcome to Benchland (and also the BCN forum - not to be confused with BCN=Breast Cancer Nurse: they didn't think that through when they renamed Breast Cancer Care?! 😁

You have definitely come to the right place for support. You do not need to feel isolated: we're all here for each other. The forum is a fantastic mine of information and support.

"Benchland" (this thread) was a much busier (and bonkers) place when we were all recently diagnosed 8 years ago, but is much quieter now. If you have a spare few days, and have a warped sense of humour, read the thread from the beginning. We got up to some mad things, made each other laugh, sometimes slightly hysterically, and got each other through the worst times. 

8 years - actually nearly 9 now - on and we all still have our wobbles. You never quite come back from the shock of hearing you have cancer when you thought everything was fine, so every new symptom is potentially terrifying. It's the same for all of us, although, usually, the new symptom is nothing to worry about really. I've been there. Several times! Currently awaiting my 3-yearly mammogram because I had my last annual one after 5 years. I'm still taking Tamoxifen (or Tapoxyfen as we call it!) so that's a reassurance. I'm half dreading when that stops, in 2022, as it'll feel like my safety net has been taken away!

KatyTC, I hope your problem has been sorted but I've put a punchbag next to the FF bench along with a bucket of chocolates and a vat of tea. I've soundproofed the area, so feel free to @#$%% at the top of your voice! 

 

 

Highlighted
Member

I am new to the forum but I feel that it will be good to read other peoples stories and so  realised that one is not alone.  I believe that anyone who has been diagnosed with bc will have a myriad of mixed feelings and the level of treatment should in no way be used to judge how we all feel.  Although it is over 5 years since my story began the feelings of isolation are no more or less than there were on day one. 

Highlighted
Member

Hurrah for fixing the tv😀, so if I ever have any issues I know who to call, thank goodness for you tube!!

Hope you are enjoying your lunch out and about.

Mine was ok, didn't think it was usual standard which is fab, am hoping it was an off day............

What a difference JCJ with your OH, tablets must be working brilliantly. If you go by train you don't have to faff about with your car so easier on you.

 

Am on the FF bench, am sooooooooooooooooo unbelievably angry, situation was meant to be resolved yesterday it wasn't, complaint issued and am meant to be contacted today. Am still waiting, grrrrrrrrrrr.

Can't talk about it because the rage it's unleashing..........it had better be sorted, that's all I'm saying xx

Highlighted
Member

Hurrah for docs diagnosing your ED's problem. I hope she's continuing to improve. 

I'm swallowing tapoxyfen fine, as long as I don't think about it! As soon as I even consider I might have a problem swallowing it, I'm doomed to at least a dozen attempts. How annoying are our brains sometimes?!

I can now add TV engineer to my CV. 😀 I fixed my TV cable! While I was decorating, I carefully kept my PVR (Freeview tele recorder) plugged into the electric and the aerial so that my "series link" reservations would still record. It was a pain having to work around it and avoid tripping over the cables but all for nothing because when I went to put everything back together, a message saying "NO or bad signal" was all I could get on the tele. I realised the plug at end of the aerial cable, where it fits into the machine, was broken. I Googled and YouTubed, ordered a new plug from Mr Futon's Emporium and fitted it when it arrived. Bingo! Working tele! Excuse me while I spend a wee moment on the smug bench. 😛

On Friday night, after we got back from his swimming, OH suddenly suggested that, as the French (red) tennis was on tele all weekend so he would be occupied, I might like to go and visit the girls for the weekend!! Of course I wanted to, but at such short notice I didn't think it was fair on them, and, to be honest, after months of doing nothing it threw me into a panic: *I* couldn't cope with the short notice! But it's a good sign and hopeful that I will be able to escape at some point in the future.

Tonight, I've been researching the possibility of us both going to visit. To drive (not sure he'll cope: it's a horrible journey and I can't avoid fast roads!) or risk the train. I've found a cottage that's 3/4 of the way there which might be manageable; we could stay for a few days and visit with the girls - or them with us - as it would be about 40mins drive from them. However, looking at the train website, it does seem reasonably safe and we could stay in the hotel we've used before where we have breakfast in our room: perfect social distancing; check in at the bar and then not have to have contact with anyone for the whole stay! It's only 5 minute car/taxi ride from there to their house. Dilemmas. I've renewed OH's senior railcard and bought mine (you didn't know you could get one at 40 did you? Hehehe). They'll pay for themselves in 3 journeys over the next 3 years, so even if we decide not to risk it.... Or another lockdown is announced.... they won't be wasted. 🤞🏼

Enjoy your scab-free lunch out. I'm out for lunch on Wednesday too: meeting my fellow retiree at the local garden centre again. 😁

Highlighted
Member

It's really good that OH feels much better, hopefully he will be back to normal size and feel the same with only 4?? Fingers crossed.

Are you now swallowing ta"poxy"fen without any bother?

ED has a diagnosis, woo hoo, skin has improved dramatically with treatment and stomach issues have all but disappeared. She came to my house last Sun (looked awful, as though she was having an allergic reaction face was swollen eyes half shut etc) I said to phone hospital, she did and had an appt later that evening Doc diagnosed her immediately, woo hoo for him as she has been backwards and forwards to our docs for years................she is now a very happy bunny.

Oooh room is lovely, you will need to put up pic with new duvet cover now haha. I use those sticky things for putting up pics now soooooooooo much easier.

Have been quiet this week, no GC, schools off and YD on holiday at home. Should really think about washing living room curtains because yesterday I noticed in the folds some sticky finger marks..............at the moment am only thinking cause I really CBA but now I know marks are there it will play with my head arrrrgh!!

Had my hair chopped didn't go too short because hairdresser said it's all about the styling so it seems to be working as I am not a flathead now haha.

Am not starting around mouth until next week simply because will be lunching and am not going all scabby haha. Had two giant scabby bits on Mon and was feeling a bit wary about even going to hairdressers, both fell off before I left, woo hoo, hope you are not having lunch hee hee xx

Highlighted
Member

Ah, picture not so massive after all! 😁

Forgot to answer your Q: we don't know if reducing dose will reduce/cure OH's oedema, all we know is that it didn't happen until the dose was increased from 4 x 2mg tablets to 5 x. He's blowing up like a balloon - looks at least 10 months pregnant! - but he feels so much better than before he started these tablets, so I'm really hoping going back to 4 a day will sort it out. Really regretting getting rid of all his bigger trousers and buying smaller ones: he's already had 4" elastic put into 2 pairs. I stopped him getting the rest done because, hopefully, we will get him back to a more normal size and then they'll all be too big again!! 

Highlighted
Member

The room is finished. I hung the pictures back up today - scary because I'm not good with a hammer and I was terrified of leaving dents in the new paint! I am really happy with the end result - so much brighter and cheerier than the dull grey ES chose years ago (a shade darker than the carpet) I've been waiting to make this transformation for a long time: a nice way to mark the start of retirement. What next though? 

I have 3 cross stitch pictures that I finished in 2003, 2006 and 2010 respectively, and shoved into those cheap certificate clip frames: the ones that are just a sheet of glass and a backing board with 4 "silver" clips. They were filthy so I gave them a good clean before rehanging them. They look really naff in their new location so I visited Mr Futon's online emporium and have ordered 3 matching "oak" frames. Hopefully, they will better showcase the pictures - and all the hours of work involved sewing them! I've even decided where the owl cross stitch, which I'm currently doing, will go, when it's eventually finished! 20201006_170821.jpg

 sorry, picture seems to be massive and I can't work out how to resize it! The other quilt cover looks better, as it matches the curtains, but I forgot to change it for the "finished" photo. 

I timed 'operation decoration' perfectly because it has rained every day for a week, having been lovely for weeks beforehand, and the forecast is much better for tomorrow, so we can go out somewhere for a sit in the car/mini walk. We need to pick up OH's prescription too (these months come around sooo fast!) so I hope nothing goes wrong with the car this time: the last 2 times, the Fiesta wouldn't start and then the Polo had a flat tyre. 

Hope your mouth isn't too horrible, KTC (haha, I mean with the cream, not the words coming out of it 😉); at least you know it will improve because you've been there before with your leg and face. Hang in there. Soon be done. Wear the mask. xx

 

Highlighted
Member

Good that it is the meds, does the higher amount make a difference?

Ooooh you are painting, hopefully you are now finished, I also hated doing the gloss, think with emulsion you see difference immediately and that makes you happy haha. You will need to post a pic. 

And apple cake? yummy yum, thank you.

You are allowed a senior moment even though you are only 40..........

Must have had some sort of bug this week, tummy has been yucky, feeling much better today though.

Face also looks a lot better, next week it's mouth area oh no.........

Went to a nearby pretty shop today, oooh they must have had a delivery lots and lots of unusual things, had to leave quickly as I could have spent a fortune. Was telling ED and she says "just get it/them" that was my Mum's favourite saying so we all say it now haha.

Youngest GS will be 2 next week, can't believe it? He has graduated from the 0-2 years to 2-3 years at nursery, girls said he loved it. Won't see him as they are at home, just relying on the video call.

Ordered that time of year food this morning, hopefully I won't be eating it all myself haha.

Have to forget about having hair a little longer than usual, it's just not working so will be chopped on Mon hurrah xx

 

Highlighted
Member

Finally, Benchland has let me in! It wasn't playing ball earlier.

We still hadn't heard back from docs by this morning, so OH rang surgery. Doc rang him back quite quickly to say blood tests didn't find anything to worry about. No further action required. PD nurse has sent a letter informing us of a phone appointment at the end of October, so he can discuss whether to carry on with meds at current (waist/ankle/feet swelling) rate or to reduce back down to the 4 a day he was on before. 

I've spent the last 2 days decorating and I'm on the K bench!! It's only a small room, how can it possibly take so long? Part of the problem is that the walls are going from dark grey to a light blue/green: at least 2 coats of paint required.

I had a senior moment, this morning: very carefully painting around the top of the walls, with a paintbrush, before deploying the roller. Trying really hard to get a clean edge between the green and the white ceiling. As I turned the corner, I realised I'd started to, very carefully, paint the ceiling edge instead of the top of the wall. What?! Quick action with a damp rag saved the situation, but I'm still bemused about how I could be so stupid!

A bit more rollering tomorrow - hopefully I'll have enough paint - and then "just" the gloss to do. I hate that, though, because it's sooo fiddly and involves crawling around the floor, which my kn***ered old bones don't like. Then it'll take another day to put everything back in the room - the landing and our bedroom are currently full of the stuff!

Cake was either sherry cake or chocolate brownies - both homemade; I can't remember which was on the go at the time. There's some apple cake now, using our bramleys. I've put some in the shed. 

Highlighted
Member

Ooh what kind of cake?? haha.

It'll be all finished now..........

Glad OH is being seen hopefully hospital appt will be soon, 5 inches is a lot, some meds just pile weight/water on etc.

Not had too much rain here but it's super cold, so cold last night teeth were chattering. Arrrgh!

CBA last night and nipped to chippie, still CBA today and do have to go into town.

Am all tidied up and should venture out now but just don't want to haha.

Face is still awful, finished the course next step all around the mouth, will wait until face calms down because it will not be pretty, thank goodness for the face masks! xx

 

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Sitting in garage as the hail hammers down. Luckily, OH keeps a chair in here.  I literally JUST managed to finish mowing both 'lawns' and edging the front one. I knew rain was forecast so I was a bit speedy after fetching OH back from his library volunteering. Back edging will have to wait until it stops or, more likely, I can be a****!

Had to go to Dr with OH this morning. After his phone consultation with PD nurse, when she recommended contacting Dr about swollen ankles, feet and middle (he's put on 5" round his 'waist') we didn't bother, but Dr must have had the letter and surgery rang him to make an appointment. Had a phone appointment on Tuesday but Dr said he wanted to see him.

Lungs, heart, BP all listened to/checked and bloods taken to see if it's a heart issue. We're almost certain it's just the newest PD drug,  as this happened after the dose was increased, but it's good they're being thorough. Will probably have to have hospital appointment for ECG. 🙁

Not started the painting yet. Busy doing what I do best: procrastinating! Actually, it's one of those jobs that, once I start, I just want to see it through to the exclusion of everything else and what with shopping, Drs appointments, taxiing OH etc, I've not had a full day to get at it. Soon.

Still raining. The edging will have to wait until another day. Much too soggy now.

Contemplating a dash into house as I'm gagging for a mugatea and cake.

Highlighted
Member

Yes lunch was fab...............we were all eating on Mon then??

Had a sirloin steak ciabatta and salad then dessert choux pastry filled with icecream and pecan and toffee sauce, decadent or what??

Gosh that was brilliant after not swimming for such a long time😀

Are you painting now?

All went well yesterday, usual side effects nausea and headache, fell asleep in the afternoon then went to bed early cause still felt sicky, next morning (today) feeling fine, hurrah!

Cousin is coming down tomorrow, funeral next week, they are all heartbroken.

No word about post mortem, am assuming it will be a while before any results are known.

ED's tests all came back fine so follow up appt soon, there's something going on, it's nothing drastic but needs sorting..........

New book, The Guest List by same author (The Hunting Party) have only read a few pages, we'll see.

Only thing I had to buy for new buggy was a raincover so now if it rains the two monkeys won't get wet haha.

On the "what are you doing??" bench, liked a sideboard from same company as bookcase have looked at it frequently over the last couple of months, when I checked it this morning price had reduced by £120!!! woo hoo so it's ordered won't be delivered until Dec but that will give me plenty of time to rearrange. Think I will end up with one small piece I will have to get rid off, ED was looking at it so she may have a place for it, otherwise charity shop xx

Highlighted
Member

Forgot to say: while GD was at nursery for her 1st full day, her parents snuck out for a sneaky adult lunch to a place recommended by DIL's friend. It turned out to be the hotel we stayed at last time we visited! This was the first time since GD was born that they've been out together without her! It seems the food was delicious.... Not just GD stuffing her face then! 😂

Highlighted
Member

Hope you had a lovely lunch. 

That's the great thing about having to wear a mask: you can hide your messy face behind it. No, seriously, just be glad the cream is doing its thing. The alternative would be worse!! 

Hope lido goes OK. No cannula nightmares and no ickiness after. 

I've been swimming. It was wonderful to be in the water again, at last, but after 6 months of not going (walking doesn't use the same muscles!) my arms were screaming at me after 3 lengths. I managed to do 56 lengths in 55 minutes, so although it's not the 70 I was doing, I'm pretty impressed with myself. Whether I shall be able to move tomorrow is another matter!!

I've bought the paint for my room today: Du**x "mint macaroon" for the walls, white for the ceiling, skirting boards and door frame. So even if we do have another lockdown I can still get on with it. Won't start it tomorrow because we need a supermarket shop. I hope people haven't been panic buying again!

GD had her 1st full day at nursery today and came home with a report card! YD sent me a photo of it. Apparently, GD was happy, it listed several activities she enjoyed and all the snacks/meals she had. She had seconds at every food time and ate the lot. Definitely my GD!! 😁

Highlighted
Member

Hahahaha, what are you like???

Neighbours at their windows watching your ninja moves...........hee hee.

Woo hoo for your swimming, have fun, hopefully quiet time for you.

Glad GD enjoyed nursery, on Fri GS didn't cry? We'll see, not quite believing it.

 

Am a "lady who lunches" today, maybe last time for a while cause who knows what's happening?

So had better enjoy haha.

Lido tomorrow, hurrah!! In new ward you have a bed so may lie down for a while, comfy, comfy.

No, face is a mess.........especially my nose cause obviously very visible.........xx

 

Member

Hurrah! I've booked to go swimming tomorrow evening. Yeh! 6 months since I last went. I'm going to have to do some serious deforestation on the old bod because I look like a gorilla from the knee up! 😂 The Thursday Ladies only session that I used to go to no longer exists 😕 so I've had to swap to Mondays. Hopefully, some of the familiar faces will swap too.

They charged me full price - there doesn't seem to be a concessionary (fogies) discount on the online booking. Ah well, I suppose that makes up for the years they've charged me concessionary rates when I wasn't really eligible.

Last night I was chasing apples down the road wearing my SU2C "Star Baker" apron and flip flops (I did have clothes on too!) because, when I was cooking dinner, I looked out of the window and noticed a plastic carrier bag blowing about. Oops. That's one of ours. Hang on! Where's the apple tub gone? Oh no! Either some twonk has run off with it, or it's blown away! I went out to investigate and saw that the empty tub had blown 100yds UP the road whilst the remaining apples and rolled DOWN the road and the bags were blowing everywhere. DOH. I collected them all in. They've gone out again this afternoon and they've all been taken except 1: the one that got the most bruised during  the escape attempt!

Highlighted
Member

I can just see you in your full BENCHLAND party regalia twirling the buggy above your head, balanced on your little finger! 😂 Maybe with a sweary sparkler in the other hand? 

Fingers crossed that ED's tests don't throw up anything scary and that they can fix her "issues". Hope YD's tooth is recovering. Ouchy indeed. I had to have my wisdom teeth out, so I can sympathise.

We are back home now. It is still sunny but there's a cold wind blowing. I picked all rest of the apples off the tree before they fell off in the wind and got bruised. I put them in a couple of old plastic tubs, with a "help yourself" sign on them, at the end of our drive. Half of them have gone already.

Glad your cream is working, and I'm sure your face doesn't look as much of a mess as you think it does, especially if it feels like it's burning. Is your leg OK now?

OH actually went swimming tonight! First time in nearly 6 months. He didn't go to his usual pool, 10 miles away, because his friend wasn't going anyway, so he went to the nearer one that I go to. I was glad about that because I'm tired after driving back from holiday and I don't like driving in the dark very much - and it was even more wearing in the new car - all those strange red lights on the dashboard and steering wheel: so distracting! My ladies swim, on a Thursday night, no longer exists so I'll have to go to a different session, probably ladies only on Monday at 7pm. I'll probably keep going for a walk on Thursdays too. Maybe. Although it's tougher to do that now it's getting darker earlier. 

My friend (the one I had lunch with last week) was supposed to be at a W****rs (famous film brothers) Hotel holiday (the ones for retired people: no children allowed) near Harrogate this week. They went on Monday, expecting to stay until Friday, but everyone was sent home on Tuesday afternoon because the hotel had to close due to staff members self-isolating with Covid-19 symptoms! Oh no! No confirmed cases yet, apparently, but my friend has to be sooooo careful because she is diabetic and therefore at greater risk.

It makes me realise how lucky we were to get nearly 2 weeks away uninterrupted. The rest of September is very empty on my kitchen calendar though. 😐

DIL and GD both had to have Covid-19 tests. Both negative. Phew! GD did 2 settling in sessions at nursery, 2 hours each, on Monday and Wednesday, and she has 2 more next week, then she will be there all day Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm told she loves it: when they ALL went, for a taster session, GD was rattling the gate when they had to leave, trying to get back in to have sandwiches with the other little ones. Definitely my GD - wants to be where the food is?! 😁

Highlighted
Member

New buggy is fabulous..............what a difference, you can swing it around with your pinkie.........

Really beautiful day here, walked up to get GS was just enjoying the warmth, no jacket worn, woo hoo!

Bad point my face was and still is on fire, have another week to go and I am a complete scabby mess, my hair fortunately hides a lot of it. It's def working.

YD had to have tooth removed, her wisdom tooth is growing on top of the tooth causing abscess, ouch, her face was pretty swollen last night but all good today!

ED is also having some issues so she had lots of tests last week and results should be in on Mon, just a wait and see..........xx

 

 

Highlighted
Member

No nothing to do with covid, his red blood cells were being attacked. So very shocking, am still in disbelief. There is going to be an autopsy to try and figure out what happened and why nothing worked at all.

 

Oooh a present..........did you admire the £6000 one? hahaha!!

So glad weather has been good really makes all the difference.

When this holiday ends you won't have to rush around organising yourself for Monday, woo hoo!

Have a new twin buggy, the other was very neat but oh so heavy............really struggled to move it around. This one you can twirl it around using one hand haha. Haven't had them out in it as it really is for emergencies which is not very often. Neighbour was moving and asked if I could use it, was delighted, fingers crossed.

YD has a huge abscess, emergency dental appt tomorrow.

Did your GD start nursery? xx