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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

YD safely on 1st train with space on the luggage rack for tent and holdall and a seat. I've driven back the 10 miles from the station trying not to cry. Wish she didn't live so far away. Told myself to get a grip: at least she's not I Australia!! Hopefully, we'll see them in September.

When are you off, Katy? I hope your back is better. xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I think the FF bench doubles as the sweary bench, Jane. Go on.. let rip $^^%$// 🤬🤬🤬 You have every reason so no-one will be offended.

I hope your back continues to improve, Katy.

We are back from camping so have reliable phone signal and WiFi again. Managed to get the tent down dry (thank goodness! It's heavy enough for YD to schlep on the train without being wet!) despite it chucking it down with rain most of the night and early morning. We're at our house so she can see her Dad for a while. Then I'll take her to the station for the 19:50 train. It's the last one because the planned one, an hour earlier, has been cancelled. Fingers crossed she gets home. DIL has a day out planned tomorrow after 3 days on her own with GD! 😁

The weather has been very mixed but we managed 2 long (for us: we're both out of practice!) walks and an evening fire without getting wet. It was COLD at night! Last night I was wearing a long thick cotton nightie, pyjama trousers, socks, a micro fleece jacket and a quilt and blanket on my airbed before I got warm. And a jumper across the top of my head as I didn't take a woolly hat!! Brrr! It's JULY!!

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaah Jane, it never rains but it pours sending you lots of hugs, fingers crossed this chemo does its job.

JCJ, hope weather has not been too bad don't think you will really mind that much because you have daughter with you😁.

Have had a miserable few days with my back think it's hay fever coughing and sneezing that's to blame arrgh, have been quiet trying to protect it as much as possible. Walked into town yesterday got a little way down road and thought I'm not going to make it ...I said to myself just get on with it and I did haha. It's tender still but much better than a few days ago.

Good news after around 5 years I have eventually managed to get my TV in the bedroom working properly, it's mostly cause I couldn't be bothered but persevered and it's now all good, to be fair I never watch TV through there and it's mostly for the kids😂

Just good to know it works.

Picked up new glasses yesterday hurrah just plain ones this time but I like them.

Have 2 GC with me a babysitting evening, they are painting just now, have told them Nannie needs to be quiet not able to go out etc and they are being good as gold aaah xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Yep, I'm back. Hope your trip is OK.. camping???? Brave woman! Hope you get better weather than we have

Been a week of hospitals. Bloods Monday,  treatment Tuesday,  onc Wednesday.  We changed chemo 5 weeks ago. Scan result yesterday from 6 weeks ago showed that previous chemo was not only toxic, but not working. Have progression in liver and lungs. 🤨🤦‍♀️ not huge, but is there a sweary bench in here somewhere?  Then to end my perfect day by the time I went to bed I had cellulitis in lymph arm! Just as well I had emergency antibiotics in the cupboard...

Having lunch with an old colleague today, so that'll be good.  

Enjoy your jaunts...white gloves are great, and cheap online. Avoid Boots ones, they're really short 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Arrived at campsite. Very scenic and quiet here. There are 20 or so DofE young people here who have walked in carrying teeny tents. Makes me feel tired just watching them. 

Only WiFi is in the shower block and not much phone signal.

Forecast not brilliant but at least we have no 3 year... or 71 year olds to contend with/entertain. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Have a lovely, happy time JCJ.

Hope weather is better with you than it is here, rain rain and more rain, arrrgh. Def not tenting weather.

Thank you for idea will pop in on Fri and have a look xx

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Very quick reply. Off tomorrow. Picking YD up from station at 1pm ish. Her next-door's shopping done this morning and our big shop this afto....and I still need to pack all the camping gear!

Katy, I buy white cotton gloves for next-door. From Lloyd's Chemist- their own brand - cost about £3 - but I don't know if you have that chemist up there. They may be available elsewhere?

Must pack.

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Rainy and grey here today, yuck.

Am going out later to ED's stopping via bike store, thought I can maybe cover hands with cycle gloves?

Any other ideas welcome, suggested by chemist to put cotton scarves around hands but think that will be annoying, please remember I have NO sewing skills whatsoever hahaha.

Managed to pack majority of suitcase, just things that I will be using prior to, to pop in.

Am leaving early because YD needs time to organise, once she starts she's on a roll..........

Picking up new glasses tomorrow.

Met up with friend yesterday and we had lunch only soup for me, appetite not the usual but I did have a good time, laughed and laughed. She was telling me she is having a face lift, neck lift, eyelid lift and perhaps something with forehead. All being "done" next month, I was saying I will need to have sellotape plastered discreetly all over my face to keep up with her. Oh goodness would just be so scared.

Jane are you back?

JCJ when are you off?? xx

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Could tell she was reading notes left by doctor haha. Have started and will just keep going with it 60-90 days.........will just make sure factor 50 and have them covered.

Jane hope you are having a lovely holiday and are munching lots of ice cream. Are you still feeling ok with chemo?

Great news about house!!

Woo hoo camping, seems pointless as you say car staying in driveway. Be lovely for you to get away with YD have lots of fun and laughter. Fingers crossed for train journey.

Forgot to say how good are you with your plumbing?? Well impressed.

Glad your neighbour seems to be enjoying food, minced chicken sounds yuck hahaha. It's sad her confusion, hope it's just a blip.

Eyes have not changed, hurrah but am getting new glasses just a cheap pair for reading, pick up next week.

Received tickets yesterday too. 

Was meant to be going to ED's tomorrow evening to watch 2 GC while their big sister was off to see new house, it's been cancelled till Mon but I won't be needed then.

ED is doing well, most things are organised for move, they are also going on holiday and will move just a couple of days after coming home. I will still be away so can't help at all.

YD is also doing a clear out, new big boy bed has arrived today. 

Been ok today but it's really lovely this evening, very warm. xx

 

 

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ooh! Ice creams! Thank you! I hope there are some M*rs (planet) ones. I've just discovered them after listening to an "Off Menu" podcast. Nom!

I hope you're having a lovely holiday, Jane, and that yours will be fab too, Katy.

Pretty shoddy that the docs got the receptionist to relay your dx. I hope you get to speak to the actual doc to find out if you can delay treatment until after your hol.

I'm at the library so they didn't have to close at 12pm. I had wanted to use the time while OH was out to get sorted for next week's camping trip (the camping cupboard is in the room he spends most of his time in and I don't want to get in his way/rub it in that I'm going away!) I dropped him off at 11, dashed home, sorted out as much as I could and dashed back for 12. Luckily, we've got 2 people using the computers, there's been one regular visitor and the guy is here to check the water quality; so it's not been a waste of my time this time.

Her next-door is getting more and more confused: she rang me at 7am on Tuesday to ask me what time it was. 🥴 She had her first WFF meal the other day - or half of it as it was too big for her miniscule appetite. She said it was easy to do (her ES has reinstated her microwave from its banishment in the garage 🙄) and it was "quite nice". She's looking forward to trying the minced chicken one. That sounds positive.

YD has booked her train for next week. She's going to have to schlep the tent with her. She looked at hiring a car, as DIL needs theirs, but it was twice the price and would sit, unused, on our drive for 3 days. I hope there won't be any more rail strikes next week!!

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

So the receptionist qualified to give out results like that????  WTF?

Well done with the shower! Definitely celebrate!

I'm on holibobs in Northumberland, and met Janice for coffee who was travelling with us 11 years ago...

Weather sunny one day, cold the next! Today it's 🌞  GD and her parents joined us for the weekend.  Inthe last 10 days they've seen a house they like, put theirs on the market,  sold their house and had offer accepted on the one they wanted!! Apparently without chains either side too....amazing! GD was in floods of tears a couple of days ago, missing us, so we'll pop down on Friday with a bottle of bubbly.

Hair came out in handfuls last week till I looked like a mangy cat/rabbit. OH did a no2 on what was left and I got the wig and scarves out.,..

Hope you haven't melted in the heat. The fridge in the caravan wasn't working,  but it's been repaired now. I got one for the shed,  it's full of assorted ice creams...

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Fingers crossed WFF works😃, take some pressure away, you will only have to help with ordering now, woo hoo!

Train journey was completely mobbed, so many people, I did get a seat right by the door, it was fine. Coming home it was by bus, rail tracks being fixed, wasn't too bad just over an hour but there was an aroma wafting..............someones bottom working overtime yuck.

Did phone docs when I was at YD's, reception gave me the news, WHAT? I have lots of pre skin cancers, so they will try cream first, see how that goes, hopefully it will take them all away. Wasn't a surprise but having to phone reception for news was.............

It's going to be a bit of an issue when I'm on holiday, will have to keep my hands covered in the sun because they will already be inflamed and will cause more damage arrrgh. lynn of course isn't going to help either, will need to phone them because it might be better delayed till I come home.

Was pretty hot here yesterday, nipped quickly into town for a couple of odds and ends. Am in again tomorrow eye test and hair cut (mop on head) so can buy more stuff then.

Think I am pretty organised now, ordered FC this morning, just suitcase to pack........xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well, that's one way for the NHS to cut costs: making the patients pay for phone calls?!

It's much warmer here too but there is still a pleasant breeze and intermittent cloud so hopefully it won't get too hot.

Excuse me while I, rather immodestly, dance around the house singing, "I am a genius 🎶". I have just fixed the shower again. Like I did, almost exactly 2 years ago, in the first lockdown. This time, I knew what the problem was, ordered the part and fitted it while OH was out so he wouldn't stress about it being too dangerous/me not being capable (and further eroding my confidence!)

It's now too late to go swimming but I'll get off this CBA bench, in the shade, in the garden, when I've finished this coffee, and go and do a fruit and veg shop and buy a picnic lunch.

I've finally persuaded her next-door - with the help of her daughter - to order some ready meals from WFF (not WWF: she's not having roasted panda! 😂 But a "southern county agricultural comestibles"). I sat with her yesterday (luckily I ordered a brochure for me too because she threw hers away: "I don't know why I ordered it." You didn't. I did. Because you asked me to! 🤬) to choose some meals to try. It was hard work because she won't eat garlic, onions, cheese, chewy meat or "anything foreign"!! So many delicious meals in that catalogue I was positively drooling but it was "NO" to all except the fish pie. Sooo close to ordering 7 of those but eventually encouraged her to try the minced meals (bleurgh!)

Order made online on my phone (using our WiF! Didn't realise I could use that next-door; handy as she has no Internet!) Within 10 minutes of me getting home, she rang to say our local WFF centre had rung her to arrange delivery and they arrived at the arranged time this morning. Well impressed! Now she's just got to remember to heat (from frozen, in oven as she has no m.wave) and eat them. Let's hope she likes them but I shan't hold my breath!!

Just thinking about those meals is making my stomach rumble so I must away to the shop to get my lunch. 

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It was warm here yesterday, woo hoo, had sandals on.........must have been me moaning.........

Today its not cold but it's grey, grey. 

Well, had an email from docs around an hour after call, I have to phone them to find out what docs are thinking?? WHAT?? Really? Never heard anything like it. xx

 

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Patience is a virtue....................arrrrgh, hopefully quieter now.

Thank you for the yummy yums in the shed, delicious.

Busy weekend, same this weekend, then have to get properly organised for holiday, loads to do!!

I am hanging on the phone just now to try and get through to doctors, I am finding it completely ridiculous and am fuming, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 28 mins later and have now spoken to someone. What did I say about patience???????

It's so cold here, am fed up, still wearing winter coat and boots, middle of June? Brrrrrrrrrrrr.

Am refusing to put heating on and last night had all my clothes on, dressing gown, hot water bottle and a throw and was still cold, gosh only knows when we get to winter again, to be fair still feels like winter haha xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

PS "taste the difference" lasagne, garlic pizza bread and "be good to yourself" tiramisu in the shed. All guaranteed to taste amazing despite chemo-mouth. Help yourself. You're welcome. xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

How can it be a week since I last posted? Where does the time go?!

Glad you are coping OK with the chemo, Grumpy & Jane and that you, at least, Jane, are feeling some benefit.

Disappointed you didn't parade about in your undies, Katy, but decided to continue to look like you'd wet yourself. 😂

Both passports now arrived. Don't know what all the fuss about blue passports was about because they look decidedly black to me! Done and dusted in 2 weeks - so much for the media fuss about it taking months?! Now they've been put away in "The File" and we'll probably never need them!

Not a word about the Blue Badge application yet, though. 🙄

Neighbour is seriously doing my head in today. Her ES & YD have forbidden her from driving as she's 80 and sometimes confused. I took her to the dentist, on Monday, and shopping at a local small supermarket, yesterday. Today was my three-weekly S********'s shop so I asked her if she needed anything else. She reeled off a great long list - including stuff she bought yesterday. 10 minutes later, she rang to cancel it all but I persuaded her she needed some of the items (local shop included NO veg or meat. It was mostly cakes, chocolate, oven chips and milk) After 5 phone calls, I was glad to leave the house to go shopping!! When I delivered her shopping to her she said: "Is that all? I was expecting more than that.“ Arrrrggghhhh! I do feel sorry for her. She lives alone and stopping driving has taken away all her independence just when she was starting to go out again after the pandemic, but I'm struggling with my patience. She seems to have got to her 80th birthday and decided she can't do anything any more. Perhaps it's a practice for what's to come with OH?! 😕

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Jane and grumpy, hope you are both doing well, glad you are ok from chemo and glad your clot can be dealt with.

Still free parking most places here, woo hoo.

Fab news no fine and good passports will soon be with you, we did ours the year of our "no holiday" haha.

Have had a dodgy tum the whole weekend arrrgh so very quiet, lido went well still in tum no sign of it returning intravenously, mmmmmmm. Just one issue noticed my trousers felt a little damp, oh no, it was leaking.........they couldn't find where the leak was coming from so changed the whole thing. Nurse said what do you want to do about your trousers?? Laughing inwardly, there was nothing I could do, can't strut around in my underwear hee hee, just said it was fine..........

Not sure when they will be moving, all paperwork being done at the moment, fingers crossed it will be soon. They are in a rented flat at the moment so no problems there. ED has decided she is having all new furniture so is getting rid of almost everything, have my eye on a couple of things and YD does too haha. Anything leftover is off to charity shop, she has some funky dining chairs and a huge table, I have bagged chairs but table is too big which is a great shame.

Went out for lunch today, yummy yum, no dinner tonight just a sandwich, found the most wonderful lettuce that actually has a taste! You forget how yummy it is because unless it's home grown it's completely tasteless.

Off to the CBA bench now, will be there all evening. xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hooray for the house!  And the fine refund! and the passports!

I'm doing well on the new chemo, less exhausted and no pain, just the usual mouth issues one can get (including the rotting taste from thrush!)

However,  move over on the grumpy bench.  There's a Liam Gallagher concert in the village tonight and a group up have parked/camped in the station car park (behind our fence) and are having a blast! loudly, drunkenly, hysterically and sundry other adjectives!  I have asked them to keep it down... they apologised and it got worse!  Peaceful afternoon reading just flown out of the window!!!!  I hope they go to the actual concert and we get some peace, but it'll be noisy when they stagger back!!!!

Some towns near us provide free blue badge parking and others don't.  Guess which I prefer?!?!?!!

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

We don't get free parking with the Blue Badge round here either. Some car parks give us an extra hour. I mainly use it to be able to park in a designated bay closer to where he needs to go... or on a double yellow line outside the dentist!

I hope the DVT responds to the clot busters.

Yippee! Hurrah! Whoop! New house! Is it still near enough for your Granny duties? Have they got to sell their current house? How long will they have to wait to move in? So exciting!!

Passport photo number 2 also failed. Too blurry.  One last try to take it myself before giving in and going to a booth. Several photos later.... goodness I hate photos of myself! So many chins!!.... I submitted the best one, expecting to wait until tomorrow to be told that it's still unusable. Five minutes later, I got an email, and text, saying passport application approved and it is being sent for printing. Whoop! Saved myself a tenner plus petrol to get there. Yay!

OH's is apparently printed and awaiting dispatch. If we'd sent a paper application, they would barely have received it by now!! 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It never rains but it pours.... spent yesterday afternoon at the hospital with suspected DVT. Fortunately the clot is only a little one so it's take the clotbusters to make it go away. This is the second one so I reckon I need the drug all the time as a precaution. I'll ask the oncologist at check up next week.

Joey  is going to play out with Auntie Judith after lunch - if he recovers from his snooze!

Someone asked me if I can park for free with a blue badge, no, not in our car parks! It's just that there are designated spaces.

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

They got the house so very excited, fab news xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

2 emails today:

1) Parking fine cancelled.... with a telling off! 🤭

2) My passport "on hold" because the photo wasn't good enough. 🙄 Too far to one side, apparently! If anything, my photo was MORE central than his and his was passed. Grrr

Tried again to take a selfie, and got OH to try to take my mugshot  too but his were out of focus: tremor 🙁 I picked the best one but I expect I'll have to go to the photo booth and splash some more cash. So annoying for a passport I shan't even need for travel. 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hahaha. Trying to imagine you with a squint in your arms/legs, Katy. And there was me thinking it was only eyes that could squint. 🥴😂

Phone appointment with PD nurse this morning. Postponed from last week...(which was postponed from April when she was off sick) ...because I was away and OH wanted me to be here. Lots of anxious anticipation and phone call was 5 minutes and basically:

"How're things going?"

"OK"

"Any gambling addiction?" (Known SE of one of his meds)

"No. Apart from the lottery" (We don't do the lottery it was his attempt at a joke! 🙄)

"Don't overdo it. And share with me if you win. Carry on as you are. No need to change meds yet but there are still plenty of other options. Ring me if you have any concerns." 

"Thank you. Bye"

Good to 'touch base' and good to know they're still options but all that wind up for that?! 😁

Email - AT THREE AM!! - to tell me OH's passport application has been approved and will be printed. Hurrah! Hopefully, that means mine will be OK too....but mine went to Glasgow and his to Bootle so who knows?!

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hopefully they will be sympathetic JCJ, have seen tickets on cars that have placed blue badge upside down arrrgh.

Thought we would have known yesterday about offer but nothing seemingly there is a lot of interest, hopefully something today.............on tenterhooks.

Eye appointment was a complete waste of time, letter was basically sent out in error and have official appt in a few weeks time. They were super apologetic and fixed my squint legs/arms so all ok.

Had to go into town this morning to pick up prescription, walked past chemist yesterday with no thought in my head at all, grrrrrrrrrrrr. My marbles are disappearing faster than I would like.

Have pulled a muscle in my leg, must have been all my sitting, standing and walking over last week, it's not agony just a little uncomfortable. Lido may numb it tomorrow haha.

Youngest GD is with me so we are away to tidy up soon, still hanging around the CBA bench.

Nearly forgot asked her if she wanted to make cookies she said NO haha, what are they like?? xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Rotting taste in mouth doesn't sound too pleasant but, if that's the only SE then I suppose that's good news. I hope it stays that way.

Exciting about ED's house, Katy! When will they hear if their offer was accepted? 🤞🏼To think I got excited about YD's new tent!! 😁

Hope eye test went ok: no nasty surprises, and that lido goes smoothly. 

I was livid this afternoon. Went swimming with OH. Parked in the usual disabled spot, faffed around with the parking app (it's free for 2 hours - 3 with Blue Badge - but you still have to get a ticket or register the parking session on the app. Still getting used to this as all the car parks in this little town have always been completely free up until a month ago) then waited for aaages for OH to finish faffing about and get out of the car!! Swimming not as relaxing as usual due to school holidays and having to dodge the kids mucking about. Then, when I got back to the car, there was a parking ticket stuck to the windscreen. WHAT??!! I "paid" on the app!! Got my phone out to check and OH verified it was correct. Angrily read the fixed charge notice and discovered it was because I forgot to display the **&_=%/ Blue Badge. Grrrrrrrr! After all that time, waiting for him and I didn't think to get it out of the glove box! Soo annoyed. I have emailed them @localcouncil.gov.uk with photos of the BB and a screenshot of parking app and I'm hoping they'll let me off. If not, I'll just have to cough up and be less forgetful. Grrrr.

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

That's good news grumpy, may side effects stay minimal, enjoy your tea and catchup.

Glad you had a lovely time JCJ and OH was just fine. Fab news about your camping trip with YD, woo hoo!!

Exciting news here, went yesterday with ED to view a house, it has just been renovated and is stunning, they put in an offer so fingers and toes crossed please. We are trying to be calm, it's not really working haha.

Was only meant to be viewing and ended up staying for hours...........

Having eyes tested tomorrow and lido on Wed, will be glad when it's all done. 

Sun is shining but it's a little chilly.

Have still to do a tidy up but cannot prise from the CBA bench, am trying but it's not working, ah well xx

 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It's just dawned on me that the funny taste in my mouth is probably due to the new meds, not something rotting - silly me!!!!

The new meds haven't produced any other side effects as yet, so fingers crossed I will tolerate the drug OK. The fatigue is always going to be a problem so I can do only short walks with Joey and I have to use the car more often.

Had a surprise email from my previous physio, who has been very supportive, in fact he encouraged me to see my GP about my back pain which then led to current diagnosis. The plan is to meet up sometime for a good catchup and tea!!

Hope everyone and families are keeping well.

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope you are coping OK with your treatments, Jane and Grumpy..... and anyone else going through it at the moment.

I'm just back from 2 days at the seaside meeting up with a friend I've not seen for years. I debated packing shorts but they wouldn't have been necessary: although it was occasionally sunny, between rain showers, there was a constant cold wind! Great to see my friend, at last, and the sea! Great to blow the cobwebs away. 

OH managed OK on his own. I knew he would or I would not have gone. YD has suggested a date for our camping trip at the end of June. Campsite booking enquiry sent, so my sadness at returning to the usual boring routine (and feeling trapped by OH's PD!) has been replaced with excitement: I'm like a kid at Christmas again! 😁 If OH starts to stress about me being away again, I can remind him that he was OK this time. Although it might be too soon to call on his friend to take him out for the day again?! 

No lie in today, despite needing the K******* bench after walking/talking almost constantly for the last 3 days and feeling every minute of my age, because the window cleaners were here before 9am!! We desperately needed them, though, because the windows were still filthy from the roofing work. A rude awakening. Very relieved to see my curtains were properly drawn because my bed is right under the window!! 🤭

I've just listed my hand knitted baby/granny blanket on Mr Futon's site. Fingers crossed it sells for a sensible price because 50% is going to Cancer Research. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad you have made a decision Jane, it will be a little less stressful not having to worry if cold cap will work, so many stories of it not being successful, it's a lot to put yourself through on top of everything else.

Tom cruise may wish to star in our show??

Oh my goodness form filling makes you want to scream...glad you saved OH things are difficult enough.

Train was mobbed coming through here but a good soul gave me his seat, woo hoo.

We had a takeaway last night, I had a curry and it was very hot....

Managed to get GS off to bed, his mum has gone out and he was searching for her so first attempt for bedtime not successful, big hugs, lots of kisses and cuddles 2nd attempt was, asleep in 5 mins hurrah. I don't like it when they are sad... he's super attached to mum.

Am off to bed shortly sleepy me zzzzz xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh thank you!  Merkin was definitely in the name - I had to look it up all those years ago!!!!  Broadened my education! I wonder if there are any sleep fairies still lurking?  I saw Tom Cruise on the Jubilee programme and couldn't believe that he's 59.  He seemed so nice too, I'll have him as my personal waiter!  Maybe you and Katy could rehearse a bit more before we invite you to perform???

Such a pain ab out the Blue Badge, but so good you could save him the diminishment of answering all those questions.  Hope you do OK Grumpy!

I've abandoned notions of the cold cap, and just going to put my big girl knickers on and go bald again.  I really hated it last time, but I'm going to have to "get my head round it"! (sorry)

Just to give me a sense of perspective, we have a friend staying for a couple of nights.  He and his wife were in Heathrow last month to fly to America to see son and family when his wife dropped to the floor, and that was that!  Her heart stopped.  She had been so concerned about me, but... So, hair or no hair, I am alive and still doing stuff.....  

And planning to run Tom Cruise ragged!  Thanks for the comfy seat!

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I have put extra comfy cushions on a bench that's on the edge of the Woods (yes, those ones) half in shade and half in the sunshine. There's a view of the sea and a lake. Waiters - whichever ones you desire - from the Jolly Merkin (have I remembered the name right?) are on call to bring you beverages of your choice and delicious foodstuffs - all calorie-free and not affected by chemo taste changes, of course. There are an array of extremely fetching hats and scarves. Limitless tissues available. 

I was going to get Katy to join me in putting on one of our a.maz.ing entertainments but maybe no-one is ready for that??!😊

Seriously, thinking of you both.... and anyone else going through treatment.... and hoping for maximum effect with minimum side effects. As a Dr once said to me, very helpfully: "Don't LOOK for side effects!"

Renewed OH's Blue Badge the other day. It doesn't run out until the end of June but I read that it can take up to 12 weeks to get a new one. What??!! In the end, they wouldn't let me renew it; I had to reapply, submitting photos of all his proof of ID, proof of address, medical appointments, prescription medicines etc and answer a load of humiliating questions. For goodness sake! He's got Parkinson's Disease. Of course he's not more mobile than he was when you allowed the Blue Badge 3 years ago!! Grrrrr! It's almost as if they want you to just give up! I was so glad I could do it for him as answering all those questions would have destroyed what's left of his self esteem. Now we wait to see if they'll renew it. 🤞🏼

By contrast, renewing my out of date (Jan 2019) passport, online, was easy to do! And they say it'll take up to 10 weeks to arrive. That's bonkers isn't it, that a passport is easier to get than a blue badge?!! I'm not going anywhere, unfortunately, but I have no photo ID and the other option: a photo driving licence, requires a current passport!! 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaah grumpy, we also posted at the same time.........so wishing you the very best with your treatment, it is terribly daunting, hoping all goes very well for you, sending big, big hugs xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah Jane, all the very best wishes and hugs flying your way. Hoping all goes well for you next week, daunting but worth the challenges ahead so glad you had a really good chat with girls and doc.

SHORTS??? Am still wearing my boots and winter coat haha.

My annual review was cancelled...........thought it wasn't quite right, now have an other appointment for stroke clinic so sorted. Couldn't understand what first letter was about but went with the flow, thought must be a new thing hee hee. Was perplexed because you can barely have a normal appt.

Have two bags packed and ready to go, one for daughters and the other meeting a friend I have not seen in 4 years woo hoo, am super excited.

Am leaving a little later than usual, I always like to go with YD to GS's nursery but will miss as I really need to get organised........

Bought a crinkle top to "go" with the crinkle trousers for travelling but it is super fancy, very pretty but def not a mucking around top. Now it will be a fancy one for holiday instead.

Bet you are so happy JCJ, job done hurrah and back to normal apart from dirty windows, hurrah. Is your birdie camera working now?? xx 

 

 

 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Had a session with the chemo nurse about the new meds. Oh dear, the side effects are/can be grim. Only 12 cycles seem to be allowed but who knows what happens after that. So I shall have to get more organised with shopping, dog walking, using the car (Dinky) more. I have got a blue badge now which helps so I might need to get a smaller walker to put in the car. Once I get used to new regime I shall feel more cheerful all being well. It's hard work doing this inn my own, I'm so thankful I have good friends and neighbours.

Grumpy, but plodding on.

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Grand children are great, but SO exhausting!!!  Our GD arrives in about 10 days time, but just for 3 night..

The chat with the trial dr was good.  I've given permission for my existing biopsy samples to be genetically profiled.  It is POSSIBLE that the information will provide guidance as to the best chemo options for me now.  It will also give them information if a trial drug comes up that might be beneficial.  BUT, as they only want you on the trial drug (not both) that would not be a realistic line of action until I'm out of options and basically palliative - then I've nothing to lose (except energy, but they'll do taxi door to door).  So, on the shelf for now...

Scan this week.  New chemo next week.  I've been stressing about cold cap and hair loss but had a very useful conversation this morning with other secondary ladies, where one gave me a good reason NOT to use the cold cap... and I felt a huge sense of relief, so I think that's a decision.  Wig/bandanas etc here we come again.  Not sure what to tell GD though....!!!!

Enjoying the warm weather and the garden... my OH would like me to get off the CBA bench and help though!

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

LOL, Katy, we did it again: I was just logging in to reply to Jane and my email pinged to say you had replied. Such great minds we have? 😀

What a pain about your (non-existent) surgery, Jane. Will they try again when the fluid has built back up? The trial sounds interesting; I'm convinced boosting the immune system is the way to go.... but schlepping regularly to London for a treatment that's not guaranteed to be effective does seem too much to take on.

Talking of trials, I had a letter (usual momentarily panic-inducing letter addressed to my first name and on NHS headed paper!) about the REACT trial, which I took part in (A double-blind trial - Celecoxib - a strong anti-inflammatory or placebo taken daily for 2 years). As I suspected, I was on Celecoxib but the results of the trial found that it did not reduce the recurrence of cancer within 5 years. Ho hum. At least we tried. They might try again with participants taking it for longer.

Glad you had fun with your GC, Katy and I hope your annual review goes OK tomorrow. 

The scaffolders arrived at 7:15am this morning! We were told it would be Saturday or today and, as they didn't come on Saturday, I set my alarm for 7:45am in case they were here at 8am like last time. The doorbell woke me! Hastily threw some clothes on to go and move the car out of their way!! Goodness! They didn't half move fast; tossing scaffolding planks and poles about like they were matchsticks!!

I've cleaned all the mess off the sills and put everything back that they had to move - except the water butt because, although half empty, it's too heavy to get back up on its bricks. I'll have to empty it first. Meanwhile, all the rain we have had is pouring out of the (truncated) drain pipe onto the ground! I'm revelling in being able to open the back door and the upstairs windows! Just need the window cleaners to come now because they are filthy!

Beautifully warm and sunny. I've got shorts on!! Hope it's like this next week. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah Jane a lot going on...........fingers crossed all goes well for you. Will you "do" the trial? How is your toe now?

Oh my goodness JCJ, expensive or what?? Hopefully they have gone now? 

Have my annual review tomorrow haha, makes me laugh.

Been quiet recovering from Sat, my grandchildren are super boisterous, we went to park, had a takeaway tea, played outside with bubbles and played I spy it was a lovely evening............it was a lot of fun but I was exhausted. I always nip into town on Mon but decided I wasn't going, was oh so glad because it rained and rained all day long yesterday. Will go straight into town after appt tomorrow. Going to YD's at some point this week. ED is still having problems she has had cream she has to apply daily and it's not lifting at all. because she is with dermatology doctor won't do anything, she looks so sad, kinda hopeless because you are in a circle just going round and round and nothing is helping,  been 3 years she has been in the system, mmmmmmmmm.

Am trying very hard to oust myself from the CBA bench, just saying it's not working.........xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah for the blue tits!  Pleased Sooty is still OK (and you survived the adventure too!)

Cars are SO expensive (and roofs!)

Hope your new meds work Grumpy.  I generally don't read the list of side effects unless I get one.... chemo being the exception!

SO... been a fun week! Went in to hospital Tuesday morning (having self isolated for 3 days and nil by mouth that morning) to be told by the consultant that the ultrasound he did showed there wasn't enough fluid in my lung to do the procedure safely.  The small amount of fluid shouldn't be making me breathless (I am ) or giving me a cough (it does). 🤦‍♀️  So I came home....

Got my SBC nurse to chase CT scan date, so that's next week.  It sounded like new chemo will be whenever... so I pointed out that I was more symptomatic (I am actually aware of a rib and my good boob) so treatment starts a week on Monday... This was all the same day.... will lose my hair unless cold cap works (know nothing about how that all fits in) and discovered that I can't continue to dye my hair whilst receiving cooling treatment...

Then, in the afternoon, I got a call from London asking if I would be willing to have a conversation about a trial drug on Friday (today).  It's a video call, and at this stage it just involves getting a sample of the lump (presumably breast) and doing molecular profiling!  ie see if my DNA has the markers this particular drug targets.  It's part of a new series of drugs trying to boost the body's natural immune system (a friend who is a research scientist tells me)...  The first stage is fine.  If I then have to go to London for ALL my treatment (regular chemo etc) then that could be too onerous....  we'll see what they say... 

hope you all have a good weekend - forecast is reasonable here...

grateful for the cakes in the shed....

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Grumpy, I hope they find a treatment regime that's effective in prolonging the quantity without taking away too much of the quality.

Scaffolding still up. Yesterday should have been the last day the roofers were here but it peed it down most of the day so they didn't come. I was wondering how they'd cope on the roof in torrential rain. It was good to have a reprieve from the noise. OH isn't coping well with the stress of them being here. 

When they came on Monday, within 20 minutes of their arrival, they found another £2500 needed spending, bringing the total to 7K!! He had photo evidence of the extra damage. When he gave us the new invoice, he'd missed off the repointing of the chimney and the cowl. What?! That's the main reason they're here!! We reminded him and the lads are up there working on it now.

It's been a pain having to be up, dressed and having moved the car off the drive for them every morning before 8:45am. To think I was always leaving for work at 8am!!

I just got back from dropping OH at the library and looked up to see one of the lads (looks young enough to still be in school!!) casually strolling along the ridge of our roof face-timing on his phone!! I hope they secured those coping stones properly!! 😱

OH has been trying to move funds about so we can pay the roofers. He has an online-only savings account and couldn't log in to it. Arghhh! Eventually, after both of us trying several times he had to phone their helpline. The usual half hour waiting on hold, but they were very helpful and we got into the account. I had to take over the typing because the more OH was rushing/getting anxious, the more his hands were shaking. There was more in the account than he thought so that went some way to compensate for the shock of the cost of the roof!! 

Sooty is still alive and well. We see him regularly in the garden, easily recognisable by his diminished nether regions! We can't decide whether he's cost us a fortune or saved us a potential disaster. 

Bobville TV is still not working but we can see bluetits regularly flying in and out of the box, despite the scaffolding being directly in front of it and the noise and mess created by the roofers, so there must be boblets and they're still being fed. Hurrah. 

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hopefully you won't have side effects grumpy, fingers crossed for the most minimal.

Oh good grief, JCJ.............you are a kinda winner though, just a lot of faffing, arrrgh.

Has scaffolding gone? Are you now pigeon proof?

Have been a little busy and hoping that's it until next week, am babysitting for a few hours on Saturday and decided to do all the things that I usually do a lot sooner haha.

Hayfever is well and truly here again, I sneezed 11 times in a row last night and woke up all congested so tab now swallowed, always try not to take but it's yucky.

GD is in the midst of her exams just now, she came along last week and we were chatting about it all, she was admiring my nesting dolls so I thought will get her some. Purchased and good luck message sent. Oh gosh exams hated them soooooooooo much. I was that one who if I thought I had done well that was fatal, if I thought I had done badly I excelled haha.

Thank you for cake and shortbread, yum yum. I have put some chewy sweets in, I love them make my mouth water, delicious.

Have had to put heating back on again, am constantly cold..........spoke to doc a few years ago and he says some people just are?? Ok but if you have heating on, hot water bottle and a throw around you???  And you are still shivering?? Am going to ask again next week, am sure I will be told the same..........

Bought travelling trousers yesterday, they are all crinkly and have an elasticated waistband, comfort or what?

Grey day here, no sunshine xx

 

 

 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just done the garage thing - exhaust repaired, not replaced thankfully. Comment was 'you won't sound like a boy racer now' . As if, at 74 and female.......

Then the electrician came bless him. He actually arrives when he says, how wonderful is that, someone who turns up as arranged.

Joey has now recovered from his bath and haircut, under the influence of doggy diazepam......he had a goofy grin for hours.

It must be bedtime, so cuppa and local shortbread are now available!

Having a change of meds next week, and the SEs sound grim. Oh deary me, it may be the quality versus quantity of life scenario.

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Spent the morning at the garage (famous three-letter national tyre specialists) yesterday. Quite a saga! Windscreen wiper fitted. Tyres checked. Battery pronounced terminal (pun intended). Two tyres recommended because slow leak one had 2 tiny punctures too close together to repair and I knew there was another one cracked and needing replacing soon. The guy told me he'd have to order in the battery and I'd have to come back tomorrow. Already wound up by the extra cost, I lost my patience with him, in front of other customers, because they'd told me they'd order in the battery when I phoned, on Thursday, and I booked the appointment because it would be there!! He agreed to order it in from a nearby place, quoted me £151 for it (I was told it would be £160 over the phone so I was happy with that!) and it would be there by the time the tyres were done. It was. 

2 hours later, I pay the - painful - bill, (being informed the battery actually cost them £210 but they only charged me the amount they quoted because I was already annoyed! ☺) and drove off, happy that there'd be no more warnings beeping at me. Impressive 3 year warranty on all my tyres, including roadside recovery and free repair or substantial discount on new ones. Yeh! Money begrudgingly but well spent. 

I didn't even get home before the "reduced tyre pressure" warning pinged at me. Grrrrrr! Turned straight round and drove back to garage. They checked all the pressures: all OK and recalibrated the computer. At this point, this guy (manager) told me I'd actually had THREE new tyres but only paid for two. This confused me because they replaced one a few months ago but, no, I had 3 yesterday so they're ALL new!!

Apparently, it is company policy to stab old/damaged tyres so they don't accidentally reuse them. They took 3 tyres off my car to swap them around and the technician stabbed them ALL even though he'd been told one was going back on!! Numpty! (Not sure he'll be there for long: I gather it's not the first time he's done it!!) So. All in all, my visit cost the garage almost as much as it cost me!!

Already fed up with the scaffolding. It's such a faff to get into the garden via the front door, negotiating all the scaffolding poles and other obstacles en route. Also, we can't open any of the upstairs windows more than an inch. Ah well. Should only be for a few days. 

Time for tea and lemon sponge cake with homemade blackcurrant jam.

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Goodness indeed...when things go wrong, scary prices. The pigeon trapped at least has saved you from damp etc etc and black box is gone. Expensive but prob well worth it in long run.

No takeaway last night so sneaked into shed for chippie leftovers.

No problem with GS we did go into wood but a short visit, YD was amazed we were home before her and we didn't have to use any of her well thought out plan, always works that way haha.

I am just sitting on sofa and she has cut the grass and is now painting fence, busy girl xx

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Goodness! What a week!

Sooty still seems to be OK. We've even watched him seeing off other pigeons (hence deciding it's "he/him")!

Every time we hear pigeon cooing noises echoing down the chimney we get jittery, and OH thought the chimney might need repointing, so he organised a couple of roofers to come and quote to pigeon proof the chimney and repoint if necessary. (Actually, he arranged for 3 to come but overslept and cancelled the 1st!!) 1st quote was for £4500, including scaffolding, as he said there was damage to the roof and, if it wasn't already leaking, it soon will be! He showed OH videos on his phone (that SEEMED genuine) of the damage. What??!! 2nd quote was for £1250 just to repoint chimney and put a cowl on. He didn't even get his ladders out; just stood on our, raised, lawn and looked up, so he'll probably treble that when he actually gets up there? We went with the 1st quote. He said he "might start on Friday". 8am today woken by the doorbell and loud clanking noises. Scaffolders! We're now fenced in and can't use the back door. Roofer came to check the scaffolding and leave his ladders on our back lawn. He starts work 9am Monday for 3 days. He said "so you can have a lie in" erm.... we didn't mention that 9am is NOT a lie in for us these days! 🤭

On Tuesday, I got in the car to go to school. Dead battery. Not going anywhere. 🙁 Texted my friend's boyfriend - who has helped us before - and he came Wednesday evening and deployed his booster pack and got it running but declared I probably need a new battery as it is 5 years old and that is about the life expectancy of modern car batteries. He discovered a black box, which I had no idea was fitted and don't need for my insurance, which he said would be one reason why the battery wasn't holding charge! He removed it.

Car booked in today for a new battery, to have the tyre that keeps losing pressure investigated and a new windscreen wiper, whilst they're at it, because I CBA to attempt replacing it myself.

The sofa throw is strapped on using elastic suspender straps designed to hold sheets in place. It was such a fight to put them on as it's a very heavy 3 seater sofa and I'll wait to see how successful it is before re-ordering the chair throws and more straps. Fingers crossed. I don't know what else to try because attaching the throw to itself doesn't work. I can see me nailing the bl**** thing to the sofa yet! 😁

Chippy night tonight. Hurrah! 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad birdie is alive and well, that was a def ordeal....

Not iron on sofa haha, meant velcro sides of throws together haha, laughed and laughed.

Maybe you thought I meant that because I nailed seat coverings on chairs hee hee.

No sewing involved.

Am on train at the moment and just hoping rain stays off, YD has hospital appointment and that means I am picking up GS.

He has decided that he wants to walk miles through a wood after nursery arrgh. So YD says she has a cunning plan. Will it work?

I usually wander around shops near her for some tasty bits so we will see maybe a takeaway tonight?? Xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hugs, Jane. I hope your onc can offer you more acceptable treatment. I definitely agree that feet are more important than hair... and the latter will grow back! xx

Oh has named the pigeon "Sooty". I was going for "Manx". 😁

He/she is still alive, flying OK... if a bit wobbly.... and is easy to spot with no tail! I'm watching it now, pecking around under the feeders.

Don't think I can iron velcro to leather, Katy? I could possibly glue it but I don't want to risk spoiling the sofa. I'm going to buy some sheet suspenders and see if they work. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah Jane, we were posting at the same time, hope all goes well for you tomorrow, big hugs xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

oh my goodness, sounds awful.............at least you were able to remove, poor thing. The mess though arrrgh!

Did you get it all cleared up? Good job there was no swimming haha.

Velcro?? You can just iron on now, that's from me who avoids sewing at any cost.

Lunch was very good, soup then spaghetti, we are going again, think we have been going to the other one for too long so it was a lovely change.

Cruise friend who was also meant to be coming was having new kitchen delivered starts tomorrow, bathroom has been done, still think she would rather have her cruises haha.

I received a text last week and completely forgot about it till this morning it was a text for an annual review at doctors, WHAT?? You can't get an appointment for love nor money but annual reviews are available............it's booked now anyway.

GD is with me and we are just about to have sausages with some yummy bread will be in shed asap xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh yuckety yuk yuk!  What a mess!  Hope Pij survives..  (he IS called Pij isn't he?)

Just had a call from the oncologist changing the time of my appointment tomorrow, but very clear he needed to see me about the side effects, and consider changing treatments.  As far as I can gather, all the others are infusions not tablets and the hair is likely to wander again.  I minded that so much last time, but as my toes are going purple, I guess it's hair or feet.... not much of a choice!