stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[Madjock]

RevCat
Here's a couple of µ µ's for you. You have to be old like me to remember the old ascii keyboard codes! I still use a PC so my keyboard still has the numeric keypad at the side, not sure if it works on laptop.
Take care of them
Maggie

[RevCat]

Katy glad your geggies (teggies) are now settled down and temperature resistant again.

JCJ sea-bathing in a thunderstorm, bloomin' ector, that deserves a platinum medal. 🙂

FF may be a bit early for Tam SEs but hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones. For me flushes simply continued on from chemo so I've had two years of them now . Breast doctor insisited on giving me clonidine last week - just 50ug (u = micro, no mu sign on here!) at night. So far limited effect, but slightly less intense... I may have to step aside to offer my place in the team to someone who glows better (says she as wooosh a h-u-g-e flush overtakes her as she types)

Finally have a date for gynae appt - 17 Sept. Exactly two years from first chemo... how spooky is that? Trigger event was exactly two years from finding lump... cue spooky music.

Vroooooom what was that.... ah CM on her mean machine!

Best hugs to all Benchies.

[katytc]

FF, everything went well at dentist and woke up this morning sensitivity free, yahooooooooo!! So enjoyed my cup of tea, hope you get on fine at work today.
JCJ, swimming in the sea in a thunderstorm wow! You really are taking the synchro flushing/swimming practice seriously!
YD is off tomorrow so manic trip into town today to get last things, thought we were doing that when we went in on Sun, oh dear a long day ahead! xx

[JCJ]

Squatting in daughter's flat in Norwich again. Just got back from 3 days camping on N. Norfolk coast, so on the kna**ered bench. Heading on home tomorrow.

Had interesting exerience of swimming in the sea in a thunderstorm on Sat - then got thoroughly soaked trying to get back to the car - didn't even bother trying to change out of swimmers - what would have been the point in getting our clothes wet too, we were already wet?! My car seat is still slightly damp!

So in 3 weeks, and 2 holidays, I've only managed 1 swim in the sea. Gutted! I live probably the furthest it's possible to live from the sea, in Uk, and won't have chance again until next year. 😞

FF - yes it probably is too early to be sure you are SE-free. I was until these last couple of weeks; now I have 3 or 4 flushes a day, but they are manageable, - so far - and they COULD be due to Zoladex or the combination of Tamoxifen & Zoladex!

CM - glad you're enjoying your new toy - but could you zoom around a bit further from the K bench, please, as I'm in desparate need of some quiet, uninterrupted peace. (Campsite was full of noisy children!)

[foxyferret]

First time I've guessed right about anything. Enjoy CM! Afraid I don't get the Sportster reference. Only know the Harley is THE bike from my son.

Sitting on the "catch up on T.V. bench" all the programmes that I've recorded over the last few months are now getting an airing, and some are being quickly deleted, why did I think they would be good?

Katy - good luck - I hate dentists with a passion (bad experiences as a child) and only visit them when I am in great pain. I know this is wrong and I should have regular check ups but I just can't do it and as I said it's only pain that gets me to a dentist.

Typical Bank Holiday here, pouring with rain. It will probably stop when I go back to work tomorrow!

[katytc]

Vrooooooooom, Vroooooooooooom, helmut on, ready steady go........two problems solved, CM's puzzle and the blue flash that I keep seeing in Benchland! Happy Days CM.
FF good news!!
RevCat excellent news, more appointments done and dusted. Fingers are still crossed!
Off to dentist to have crown fitted today, it's been very sensitive since I've had temp covering, funny thing is I wasn't having any bother prior to . xx

[DJ007]

Excellent!

[ChoccieMuffin]

FF, you got it. And not a Sportster either. Loving it. VVRRROOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!

[foxyferret]

CM - you are going much too fast round Benchland for us to see what you've got.
Please could you park for five minutes and post to relieve our curiosity.

Revcat - glad your check up all good and hope Gynae referral comes sooner rather than later. Enjoy your last days.

I have been puppy sitting today for daughters addition to family. Four hours of fun! Asleep in her bed she's lovely, awake ....and it's if you take your eyes off her for one minute she's either tiddled on the carpet (or worse) or eaten something in the garden she should not eat.(Slugs!). However she is adorable so I can forgive her anything.

Have been taking Tamoxifen for two weeks now and NO side effects. Am I lucky or is this too early to tell?

[grumpy]

Grasmere Sports - as you can see Barley is on the Flipping Bored Bench......

[RevCat]

Oooh CM a Big Blue Machine zooming round Benchland making a delightful roar as it passes.

Just a quick catch up after my days away. Six monthly check up all good - they did the mammo (two years from dx, standard for mx patients at this hospital) so results in 4-6 weeks. Swab tests came back clear - amazing that, I didn't have the things it would have been impossible for me to have! Gynae referral.... 6 - 8 weeks as NICE not applicable here and SIGN has no time scale for this 😞 Good job I'm not too worried about what they'll find despite the wording of the NICE guidelines.

Hugs to everyone... off to enjpoy my last few days of freedom doing some local museums and things.

[grumpy]

The Girls want to know if the Big Blue Machine has got a sidecar cos they want to go for a ride!!! They will wear their goggles, gauntlets and biker jackets with Hell's Doggies in studs on the back......
No???? oh well they will have to make do with Grasmere Sports tomorrow.
grumpy (on the Slightly Knackered Bench)

[DJ007]

Hmm.. not sure I can see you on a Harley, and you're not boring so it can't be a BMW (sorry for any offence caused to anyone). An Italian job? - a Motoguzzi or Ducatti?

In my youth I spent quite a long time on the back of bikes, but the only time I attempted to ride one ( a Triumph Tiger Cub) I ended up taking out a row of runner beans!

[foxyferret]

CM - it's not a Harley Davidson is it? If it is my son will be very jealous as he's always wanted one but a wife and three children have caused him to have a family saloon car. He lives in hope of a lottery win to realise his dream. Maybe one day.

Several hundred miles since last Friday......You go girl!!!!

[ChoccieMuffin]

DJ, neither, keep guessing. If I get round to building a shed to keep it in it'll be very shiny, but at the moment is tucked up under a cover. It's not brand new (couldn't have afforded one from new) but it's new to me. Had the helmet and leathers etc from pre-BC times, but was rather "interesting" having my first ride in 3 years being an 80-mile jaunt to bring it home. But I've racked up several hundred more miles since then (last Friday!) and intend doing some more tomorrow and next week. Might even get on the thing and go and look at sheds -- any excuse. Went to visit a former forum member last week - was on the bike for 6 hours in one day! Great fun!

And it's a very turquoisey blue - here's to you, Clare.

[foxyferret]

Wow CM, just WOW! I am ashamed to admit I've never ridden a motorbike. Must put that on my to do list.
I hope it gives you a lot of fun.

Please give us all the details.

[DJ007]

Hello Benchlanders - Haven't sat down for ages, but needed to come and admire CM's new plaything.

Is it British or Japanese?

Dx

[ChoccieMuffin]

A big blue Smartie - oh, how I'd love one of those! (But I prefer the orange ones). No, katy, it's not a smurf. I think the song would drive me even more loopy than I am already. Grumpy's got it right. And I STILL love it. It's got a bigger engine than my daughter's car!

[grumpy]

CM must have bought a big blue motorbike....

[Ali_H]

A giant blue smartie????????

[katytc]

Ok CM totally intrigued, what is it??????????
A giant blue smurf??? Please, please enlighten us xx

[carmy]

Janice, just wanted to say - what an idiot!!! I'm so sorry he left you in tears. Hope you could shake the feeling off a bit, sweetie! Don't let his super awkward behaviour put you down now. You're doing so great and things are looking up! (I'm also through rads and one week to go. We're making it!)
Carmy xxx

[ChoccieMuffin]

Janice, you might find a good way to get him out of your head is to type a long letter putting EVERYTHING in. Leave overnight (or for a day or two) and then go back and edit it, so you can distill the bits you want to get over, then print and distribute. To the GP, the practice manager, your surgeon or onc, and anyone else you think ought to know about your complaint.

By writing it ALL down you'll get the feelings out. By then editing thoroughly, you'll get your point across, and the whole process will give you back a sense of empowerment.

I've been on the grinning stupidly bench all week. The cause for the stupid grin is very big, very blue, and makes a VERY loud noise! And I love it. 😄

[lottie63]

Bottom still firmly fixed on CBA bench , stomach bloated from too much tea and chocolate fudge cake Humpf !!! I cant believe how much that silly man has got inside my head.... I need to put his remarks into perspective I know but Im struggling , I shall be fine in a day or so but its knocked me a bit, I have been a bit emotional as coming to end of rads and active treatment and we all know what a long haul it is, Silly silly man, as soon as im up for it I shall confront him , sorry one of the thwacking ladles is missing but i shall be needing it over the next few days !!!
Thankyou for all your lovely replies, If you see a CSL on the CBA Bench just give her a good kick up the backside and a fresh pot of tea ... works wonders x

[foxyferret]

Janice - your GP should be put up against the wall and shot! Where was he when tact and bedside manner were given out?

This morning my friends went back home and I'm left sitting on the "feeling rather flat" bench I probably won't see then until next year,so it's back to phone calls. I've had a fantastic five days while they've been here - even though they tired me out on Tuesday. Have paced myself since then so am ok now.

Sun has vanished here too, it has poured down all day. Daughter's new puppy did not know what to make of it at all when we took her outside, and definitely did not like it!

Have a good weekend everyone.

[JCJ]

Janice, how horrible. Opposite extreme from "Try to keep positive" or "chin up!" (Which chin? Up where???) It makes me wonder if your doctor hasn't lost someone close to him unexpectedly due to BC? Or maybe a patient, and the family got at him for not saying how serious it was? Either way he should have got his facts straight before scaring you!!

I'm currently highjacking daughter's computer (and flat - she's at partner's flat!) prior to our camping weekend in North Norfolk. Oh look the weather's turned sh**ty! What a surprise!! Norwich has been the hottest place in the country for weeks. I arrive, sun vanishes! C'est la vie.

Never mind, my hot flushes will keep us warm.

[katytc]

Janice, how very upsetting for you, sometimes you think do they have any brains?? I saw a locum and was devasted by the way she spoke to me, came out of docs extremely upset, spoke to my daughter and she said go back around and make a complaint. Did so and felt much better. Hopefully this locum will now think before she speaks after all you go to the docs for advice and help not to be made to feel like ****! So I would def complain. Hope you feel better today, have a word with the practice manager at your docs, if you don't feel like writing or phoning. Let us know how you get on. Really feel for you and hope you are ok, bigs hugs on their way!!
pargayan, lovely to see you back and yes your massive flush at 3.30 should just fit in superbly well with the other synchronising girls! If your face goes extremely red at the same time perhaps we can stand at either end of the sync swim action, give the routine a different look??
Any fudge cake left???? xx

[lottie63]

Hi Grumpy,
Thankfully I do have copies of all letters from my Oncologist to my GP and I went through them today, totally paranoid, and couldnt see anything in them that would make him be so negative, I have borrowed a thwacking ladle and shall wait for him to leave surgery 2morrow and give him what for on behalf of myself and any future BC ladies who may come under his so called ' care ' , I just couldnt believe his attitude shame on him, anyway I have promised the alligators a good feed should be cross me again , I have now taken up position on the CBA bench with a cup of tea and a benchland callorie free chocolate fudge cake yum yum , tomorrow is another day 🙂
Janice x

[grumpy]

I can't believe such appalling behaviour from your GP - and when you write to him to complain, copy the letter to your breast clinic. They need to know how all THEIR good work can be undone by someone else.
As for your GP knowing something you don't know, have you got copies of all the clinic's letters to your GP??? I believe this should be standard practice, and reading those will put your mind at rest.

Borrow a thwacking ladle from Revcat and give him a good thump, then push him into the lake for the alligators to eat!!!

grumpy

[lottie63]

I have deposited myself on the FF bench with a thud Humpf !! Just visited my GPand I could not believe how negative he was .. He had the gall to ask me had I spoken to my family in truth about what if things didnt go as planned , how its best to get these things out in the open and spoken about ,, Geeeez , I only went for a prescription I was flabberghasted , I am a primary lady and still going through the treatment ( Week 3 of rads - 1 to go ) I have just started to feel a little more positive after chemo and all it brings, how dare he make me feel so c**p I left his surgery in tears feeling deflated with a rads appointment ahead, I was too upset/astounded to say anything this am but I shall be taking it up with him , Ido NOT need negativity right now thanks. It has also left me wondering if he knows something I and my Oncologist do not no,

Rant over .... Im still fuming Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Love to all Janice xx

[pargayan]

Hi been lurking for a while with not enough energy to post!! I have a big candle that used to be a 5 until OH thought it was edible and it now looks like a 2 - so if we can find some big '0's it can go on the cake along with Ali's big one. Not sure I fancy choclate covered pretzels.
Have been on Letrozole for 3 weeks now and finds I have 1 really big flush everyday around 3.30 in the afternoon - let me know if this ties in with everyone else for the synchronised flushing, if not I will have to glow on my own!!
Oooops - sorry to whoever it was I knocked off the biscuit bungee - mind you they do taste nice yum yum.
Many months ago, when I had a bit of energy, I planted 2 lupins, 2 delphiniums and 1 penstemon, the slugs have had all but the penstemon, though they nearly killed that - I do not think I have seen such big ones as I have this year, horribkle things uughhh

Think I should sit on the speelling / typing up the shoot bench if there is one!!

[JCJ]

Probably CBA bench - though who'd bother to erect a plaque there?

Just had to check back to see who got the honour of the 1000th post - it was ChoccieMuffin, so she can join my celebration! 🙂

[katytc]

Candle would be fantastic!!!!
I think that a special plaque should be erected on JCJ's most sat upon bench, just have to work out which one?? xx

[Ali_H]

I've got a lovely "18" candle, partially used, one careful owner...if you fancy cake and candles for this momentous occasion? 😄

[JCJ]

Oooh Katy, I didn't even notice - time for another welsh cake to celebrate! 🙂 Perhaps we need some sort of pageant to mark this important Millennium?? Twinks? you ready with the band? Flushers ready for synchronised display? Catering all in hand?

[katytc]

Skippity do da dah xx

[katytc]

JCJ you hit the 2000th post tra la la la la, glittery stuff falling, flags flying, Benchlanders cheering, tra la la la la xx

[katytc]

Oh my JCJ, thank you for the biscuits and cakes, managed to hang onto the bungee and after a few mishaps bouncing around a bit, landed on the boingy stuff, goodies intact, body not quite!!!!!!!
Meeting YD in town later, she is off on another holiday next week and needs a few essentials, will be on the "truly fed up and tired" bench later cause she's not the best shopper oh dear...............
Tomorrow hospital then meeting OD and GD, hospital is in another city so we are going to do some shopping there, thats a lot in one day should sleep soundly tomorrow night!! Tired now just thinking off it all!! xx

[JCJ]

Hope you had a good night's sleep, grumpy and FF, and feel rested?!

I was so proud of myself for resisting those delicious little choc pretzels, so I can share the rest of the pack with daughter on our little camping expedition to Norfolk, over the weekend. Then I get a text from her, last night, to say that she and her partner were dipping pretzels in the choc fountain at the Chinese buffet and making their own! Well! That just takes the biscuit! (or at least the pretzel?) Time to unpack the Cadbury's ones and get scoffing me thinks! 🙂

I've just made a batch of 'nana biscuits' (bit like flapjack with banana, raisins and coconut in) and Welsh cakes. Nom nom nom. I'll put some of each in a box attached to a bunjy so you can all help yourselves! Enjoy.

[grumpy]

On the Cream-crackered Bench today - had to go to TWO garden centres to buy a storage chest and chair cos Next Door's builders broke the ones I had (I shall be re-imbursed....), take Beryl the Bongo to the garage to make sure that the rocker cover (???!!!) wasn't leaking, and tried to persuade the dogs that walking in torrential showers is really good fun!!! Failed on that one..............
Then I tried to de-slug the veg patch between showers, got some more cod liver oil/glucosamine capsules for the stiff joints, then nodded off on the sofa. Life is SOOOOO interesting, never mind its rehearsals tomorrow

YAWN
grumpy

[foxyferret]

I have had a wonderful day out with my friends, we went from Taunton to Minehead on the West Somerset Steam Railway. Had lunch in a cafe walked on the promenade, came back to my daughter's to have tea and to meet her new puppy.
Nothing over strenuous but I have just crawled onto the totally knackered bench!! Just brings it home how little stamina I have now after sitting around. Even work hasn't made me this tired.
Methinks I will have to set up some kind of exercise programme. Anyway I'm staying in tomorrow while they go gadding about then I'll meet them at my son's for tea.
Just realised I'm getting plenty of free meals out of this!!

I'm going to bed now, see you all tomorrow.

[JCJ]

On the FF bench. Spent all day traipsing around the shops - what's left of them, half of them seem to have closed down! - trying to get a replacement campingaz canister for my little stove. I can't take the big double burner & grill with it's huge gas cylinder, because I'm going camping with daughter, for a few days, and only have a small car. OH and I also use the little stove in emergencies, eg big cylinder runs out in middle of cooking a meal (as it did when we were in wales last week!)

Anyhow, it seems campingaz have decided not to produce this particular size canister any more, and as it fits INSIDE the base of the stove, that means the stove will be useless, and fit only for landfill, as soon as the current, half full, CV270 runs out. WHY are they allowed to make these things with built in obsolescence?? Makes me so angry at the waste of plastic and metal, not to mention money! I had to buy a complete new stove. At least this one is compatible with more than one cylinder. But they'll probably stop making those in a few years too! 😞

On a more positive note - moves to smug bench en route to kna**ered bench - I had a more productive time with all my other errands. The first proper shopping trip since dx. Even finally got around to getting a proper seatbelt pad, so I can get rid of the tatty old towel I've been using to protect the tender boob from chafing! Also checked air in tyres for first time in over 6 months, and topped up windscreen washer bottles and checked oil and water.

Time for a wee lie down now, (or perhaps a wee THEN a lie down??) and maybe some of that delicious looking choccy cake, Ali. I'm studiously ignoring the half pack of choc prtezels - pity REAL sweetie pacs don't self-refil like Benchland ones?!

[Ali_H]

Well, as predicted after my son's party for 21 people with 3 birthday cakes and a bag of salad, there's a lot of salad left over! However I managed to sneak a bowl of crisps and several slices of cake into benchland....I've just found the Dark Woods thread too, think some cake and a big pot of tea by the lake would be good for elevenses.

Aah well, better face the real world now I suppose....

[katytc]

Yugh, yugh, yugh do not like any creepy crawlies, saw a monster caterpillar today, must be this crazy weather, one minute brilliant sunshine the next torrential rain, the beasties are just huge, good job it's only spiders in Benchland and they are locked away..................
Had a wander around town today bought a sort of bathroom tidy thing well pleased cause it was such a bargain!!
Also treated myself to this lovely raspberry cake, very yummy and part of my five a day.
My middle seems to be expanding greatly, partly my tasty bits and partly the tamoxifen methinks, better jog around Benchland for a while xx

[ChoccieMuffin]

Salt poured liberally at the bottom of the kitchen door. And only giving the cat very small portions so he eats it all, then move the bowl. I even found a snail in my CAR! Not a clue how it got in there.

[foxyferret]

That's horrible! It's bad enough having them in the garden but not in the kitchen! I would be putting the cat food in the garden!
How do you deal with that?
In a property that I used to own I would go downstairs in the morning and find snail trails on the carpet,never saw the culprits and that was bad enough!
I don't know how to spell eeeeuuuugggghhhh, but that's how I feel about slugs.

[ChoccieMuffin]

Slugs - ugh! They come into my kitchen and eat the cat's food if he hasn't scoffed it quickly enough! Completely disgusting.

[foxyferret]

What a day! Did all housework, house now looks (and probably smells!) a lot better. I'm not a great fan of cleaning and have had an excuse recently for sitting on backside doing not a lot. I suppose now I've proved I CAN do it, I'll have to do more. Oh well.
Katy I was reading the new Jeffrey Deaver book "XO".

Friends arrived about 5pm and I've just waved them off to their B&B and will see them tomorrow.

SLUGS ugh!!!!! Far too many about. I have just put my rubbish out for the dustmen, suppose I ought to call them refuse collectors these days, so I opened the front door and just avoided standing on one on my path. About 3 inches long!! So glad I saw him in time.

JCJ - I know what you mean "the why won't they go" bench. I think it's because I live on my own and am used to the quiet. When my family come round, of course I want them to and I love to see them, but the noise that they generate, especially when they all come together which they mostly do. Four children aged 8,7,6 and 2 in a small house can raise the roof! After a while I'm just thinking "please go home and I'll see you all again in two or three days"! Then they DO go home and the peace is wonderful for a while and then I start to look forward to them all coming again!

Hope you all have a good week whatever you are doing.

[JCJ]

Grumpy, I think EVERYTHING's got slugs this year - we had a tent FULL of them - had to remove them from ubrella before opening it and being showered with the little (and not so little!) bu**ers!! Had one in my shoe! Ughh! Bleurghh!!

Sitting on the guilty bench for a while having been on the "Why won't they go!" bench. Son's GF and 4-year old turned up unexpectedly while I was in the shower this morning and stayed for lunch. Lovely to see them, (when I stopped worrying that there was something wrong with son, or a major break-up or something - he was off somewhere else!) but I had planned a CBA day with a FEW vital hosework jobs in amongst.

Hoovering half the campsite off the carpets was one of those vital tasks. 4-year old kept presenting me with bits of grass and tiny stones he found whilst crawling on the living room floor with his cars!

Now feeling guilty that I should make the most of such 4-year old visits - who knows what's around the corner! I did do all the right grandmotherly things - just not in my head!!

[grumpy]

Well, ladies, not quite sure which Bench today ..... did a 'garden sort-out' and tip run yesterday (why DOES everything keel over and die when you take your eyes off it??) so could be on the Smug Bench for a bit.
Today planned a Big Walk with the Girls so could sit on the Cream crackered Bench after tea BUT surprise surprise it's been pouring down........

So having to sit on the Catching Up with Paperwork Bench, just one step above the Housework Bench, and nearly as tedious!

Found the missing garden chair, upside down hiding behind some shrubs - was it trying to show sympathy?

And the spudlets have got SLUGS so I reckon all in all I need to be on the Stop Moaning Bench for a bit
grumpy (sitting on the grumpy bench)