I have one cheek on the FF bench and one stretched onto the so so sad bench .... this is a cruel cruel disease that has taken far too many beautiful strong talented ladies far far too soon from their loved ones I just feel so bl**dy sad, I hate this disease with a vengence , so unfair , love and hugs to all tonight and everynight 😞 xx
Well done Eve, you're nearly through. The worst is probably over. Be kind to yoursel, enjoy indulging yourself and look forward to Mr Potato head being banished in the near future! 🙂
On the CSL bench tonight - I've pulled up some extra chairs as there seem to be many of us, vulnerable and fragile. Some have come across from the woods. My 6 months check up, a week tomorrow, was already making me feel jittery, but now I'm a complete wreck.
I've been popping in every so often to see what's been happening in benchland but it's been a while since I've last posted...
After 3 FEC I had my first cycle of Docetaxel and got pleasantly surprised in some ways. The first weekend wasn't much fun at all though with all the weakness, aches and pains and the hours stretching almost endlessly. I crawled out the other side and finally had my first good week - taste, appetite and slightly more energy - so endulged quite thouroughly. Well, I deserve it.
2/3 are done, tomorrow treatment number 5 is looming. After that it's only one more, that sounds soooo much better.
Well, so far so good, I am afraid though chemopause has struck. My period has stopped and I am being attacked by hot flushes... 😞 My ONC will be happy, I am sure - I am not. This is so not ok, but nothing I can do...
CBA bench, CSL bench, guilty bench - been on them all - like a bleeping merry-go-round... And am fed up with having no hair - I don't mind but I am over it, if that makes any sense. Am feeling like Mr. Potato Head and getting really annoyed with looking at myself being 'topless'...
Will grab a few spoones and one of RevCat's lovely cupcakes and then I'll be off to cheer myself up with some yummy dinner...
Thanks for letting me ramble... Hugs to all you wonderful benchland ladies! xx
Cupcakes, yummy yum!!
Am off to get my new glasses today, so now will be able to see Benchland in all it's glory!
Jumping on my skateboard, helmet securely fixed, breathing gear on, making my way over to FF with hot soup and a cupcake, see you soon....................xx
Thanks Revcat, will need the hankies, yes I'm having a wee toddy, whisky included and I'm off for an early night.
Hope I feel better in the morning! Probably not, but in the grand scheme of things what is a cold? It's nothing.!!
I'm just dragging a bench to the furthest outreaches of Benchland so that I don't pass on my germs. Woke up this morning with a very slightly sore throat. Over the course of the day.... Yes .....Oh joy..... I've got a COLD. Will communicate by megaphone! (blows nose.)
CM - I thought the guilty bench was stuck to me! I'm sure that's what I've been dragging aound for months! Ta'poxy'fen aches...... the last two days I'm sure I've got the hips of a 90 year old, knees ok at the moment. (blows nose.)
Vercors - I have been aware of your walk and I congratulate you on your achievement. Hope you have a lovely day with your family. ( sneezes.)
Katy - be careful. (sneezes.)
JCJ - if you're tired have that nap. As you said ,you've got all weekend. (blows nose.)
Firmly on the CBA bench, with frequent glances at the guilty bench. I've come home to 'work on the school website' this afternoon, as it's my turn for time out of class, and I find it easier to use my own computer than the nanny state school network ones, and there are 'less distractions' - (nobody pestering me to do/find/solve/arrange/explain things!!). BUT, now I'm here I'm being distracted by Twitter, BCC, my emails and a general lack of inclination to do any work!
Maybe I'll just have a little nap - I've got all weekend.......... So tired...........
JCJ many thanks for the donations.
CM, I am lucky enough to be fit and painfree. Had I listened to my GP, there would have been no invesigation into my rib pain, and I would be none the wiser about my mets. I seriously intend to make the most of the fact that I can go about and keep doing what I love. Walking is one of those things. I can tell you this walk was hardly taxing. Yes I had sore legs when I had long stretches, but that is all part of the fun.
Now, did I read earlier that you mean machine was also a cleaning machine? then get it here immediately, I need to clean my house before mother arrives! and BTW, I also need to pull a full day's work. So off to reality.
KatyC, Careful with that skateboard, we can't aford being sued (spelling?) for damages in benchland.
Have a good week end everyone, I doubt I will be around benchland until Monday now.
Will be thinking of you, vercors, on Sun, with your family, it's fantastic!!
Well, chilly, chilly morning had heating on last night for hours, only hot when I'm flushing!! Why is it when you're very cold you never flush? Is your body having a laugh?
Am just going to play around Benchland today, avoiding the mean machine , alligators and marbles, had an appointment at opticians yesterday and was there for almost 2 hours! At least they are thorough!
Time for a quick tidy up, then on my skateboard and off to the trampoline/bungee area xx
David Walliams, no I would not swim in the Thames. I love swimming, but it has to be clean and warm water.
I will start swimming again next week. My stitches have all disolved? So i need to get back to the swimming pool. I haven't swam since the beginning of June. I had terrible hip pain. Which I thought was more bone mets, when in fact it was only muscular pain. Then there was my holidays, i drank instead of swimming, then portacath fitted. Too many excuses. If I want to lose weight I need to get myself back in that pool.
PM me for my just giging page.
Night nght from the tired bench.
vercors, I will donate shortly, but wanted to express my admiration. Lucky you, being able to swim. At the moment I'm a bit stuffed, as my left shoulder has developed very tender tendonitis which has been a problem for months. I had a spa day (a late birthday treat for my big daughter) and I tried swimming, but I just couldn't cope with the discomfort, so I was left with either one-armed front crawl or an even more pathetic - and extremely frustrating - breaststroke. Tried backstroke but that was one-armed as well, and I didn't even bother giving fly a go, I'm far too unfit. Currently waiting for a referral to the shoulder surgeon who dealt with me 10 years ago for him to take a look. Nothing to do with BC, but wouldn't be surprised if oestrogen deprivation is having a go at me.
I thought my joints were getting away with Ta'poxy'fen aches but I think that now they've decided to join in with my fellow tammers. Knees ache every time I get up from sitting for more than 5 minutes, and shoulder is probably suffering because of it as well.
I'm not sure what bench to be on this evening. Knackered bench, probably. Haven't slept very well recently, and it's such a drag. Fed Up bench is calling me too, and of course I've got the guilty bench stuck to my left buttock with No More Nails.
Anyway, off to my pit (oh my goodness, have you SEEN the time!) though I think I might leave the squirrel-murderer in the living room. Blasted animal has decided to downgrade a bit today. Following the 2 squirrels he had last week (first 2 of 2012) he decided that he wanted to add wood pigeon to his diet. Disgusting cat.
Oh wow Vercors! Congratulations on your epic walk! (For a scary moment I thought you were doing a David Walliams!) I was just heading for the smug bench because I've been swimming tonight - managed 1000m on top of a week's teaching, but maybe I'll drink my tea on the humble bench instead! Do you have a donor page on t'internet?
I like pissedoffness too. It's another along the lines of our family saying of be-arsedness!
Don't know whether I dare say it.... but my hot flushes have been fewer and less intense today. Could be the cooler weather - actually felt cold this evening and didn't know what was wrong with me! 🙂 Or could be APS version of Ta'poxy'fen? Or maybe because the Zoladex is due? Who knows!
Off to beddy byes now via an appopintment with the hairdryer - that'll bring on a flush no doubt!! ~So tired but it's FRIDAY tomorrow 🙂 ~ snzzzzzzzzzz
FF, the brands never made any difference. The first three months my hot flushes were so bad, I had to change my beddings every morning.Eventually things got better. I still have some hot flushes four years on, but they are very slight. I would not make RevCat's Olympic team; not that I mind (no pffence Rev).
Sunday is my last leg on my River Thames challenge. I have raised nearly £10.00 per kilometer i.e £2940.00 when I include gift aid? My 83 year old mother is coming from France to walk the last 10 km with me, hubby and 3 kids. This is gping to be an emotional moment.
Wow - ladies thank you all for the information. Will write a list, can't function these days without a list of what I'm doing and when. My brain has turned to mush. My son came over this evening and I'd totally forgotten he was coming and why! I'm losing the plot!!
Ok, M & S, Genie bras, no VAT (that's good). Will do research,I really don't care about the cost as I just want to look normal and feel comfortable. At the moment I just put on my bra plus homemade padding when I go out and rip it off as soon as I get home!. I have been told to bring a bra that fits the "good" breast and a tight fitting T-shirt to my appt., so I need to go shopping ..........I hate shopping..........fitting rooms here I come.
Ali - hope you enjoyed your holiday. "Pissedoffness" is a wonderful expression and expresses just what I am feeling at the minute. Glad yours has gone but I think mine will be around for a while.
I think I'd better go and sit on the "Chill" bench again with the wine and cake.
Hello all!! Back from my hols, have returned with a larger tum, a lot of washing but managed to leave a lot of what I can best describe as 'pissedoffness' behind...think I dumped it in the sea off Le Touquet when I had a paddle. Hoping it doesn't find it's way back to me 😉
Don't forget ladies, if you buy bras with pockets for prostheses you are exempted from paying the VAT, though you may have to point this out at the till - the online shopping seems to do it automatically with M&S. Iunderdtand it is also possible to get pockets sewn into normal bras cheaply or free, so check with your BCN or cancer support cnetre for advice.
Good luck FF, my flushes started almost immediately just shows how different we all are! My chemist just gives me whatever is available, i'm taking generics at the moment, the only difference I find is that when I change brands I have more frequent flushes then it quiets down again! You maybe one of the lucky ones and not have any at all!!! Here's hoping.
Jane bringing my own duvet, it's freezing and it's only Sept.........................xx
Genie bras also have pockets and are VERY comfortable (sports bra type)... available from BHS & some Tescos... pack of 3 for £39 or so, but I got them on the BHS online sale for less! Enjoy! OTher specialist bras are 'spensive (prettier sometimes, but expensive).... My M&S ones are good every day ones too... Happy shopping!
Now, where's the duvet to put on the bench? It's chilly this morning!
FF: I dared to hope, but it was probably the 3rd or 4th pack before I started flushing.
Just switched to APS, from Wokhart, and after 3 days, I've not noticed any difference, except APS are easier to swallow - smaller and less 'chalky', so they cause less reflux/indigestion. My Rennie intake has reduced! (Other antacids are available! :))
JCJ - another lady not told about partial prosthesis - it's not good enough even if you don't really need it. Unfortunately I do, I am "just" a B cup and my two excisions have removed at least a third of my breast and it is obvious without padding. My padding fell out at work today and fortunately I was on my own otherwise it would have been mortifying, so I really need something that fits me properly, and stays where it's put.
Day 23 of Ta'poxy'fen and still no hot flushes........dare I hope?
The hand thing. Probably wouldn't have noticed it without Katy & Rev, but there MIGHT be a SLIGHT difference between my hands. Is it relevant to 'affected side'? Or is it more linked to right handed/left handed? I'm right handed, so my L H (affected side) might not be as 'streamlined', as it's not used as much??
Vercors, my injections are every 3 months (not sure if it's supposed to be calendar months or 12 weeks, but I'm guessing the difference is only a few days, so it probably doesn't matter much, and 19th of Month is easier to remember/calculate!) so I can't book the next appointment when I have the injection. My GP surgery doesn't book appointments that far in advance!
The receptionist says she will order in the injection (at £245 a shot, they don't keep them in stock as they have a limited shelf life, so my doc told me to ask pharmacy to order it in when I make appointment). Now my overwrought panickery is worrying whether she will order the right one - ie the 3 month one - or whether I should check with pharmacy. It is on my repeat prescription, which they can access on their computers, so I know there shouldn't be a problem but....... ! I'm not completely confident she will even remember, perhaps I'll call in tomorrow to check, so they've still got time to order it. Or am I being neurotic?
GIJ: You are welcome to some of my excess heat. My cardy's been on and off more often than a tart's knickers today!! The kids at school think I'm completely NUTS!
FF - I had no idea about partial prostheses for WLE patients, either, until you mentioned it. They have never been mentioned to me, but I'm 'lucky' enough to have my 'dent' in a place where it is not obvious when dressed. With a bra on (I've always worn fairly substantial bras, out of necessity, anyway!) - they both look the same, such that I am frequently subjected to the "Which tit was it?" stare, mentioned on another thread! 🙂
It's Wednesday! Over half the week completed. 3 days teaching and I'm still functioning ... just! (ha ha! typed that sentence 3 times before I got it right!!) Only two more 'get ups' to the weekend! 🙂
Now all benchlanders are looking at their hands going What? Sorry but I think I need a drawing!
Still on the NHS subject, it is different protocols on the various Primary Care trusts, unlike JCJ, my GP has no involvement with my Zoladex injection. The nurse does it for me. I also make sure I make my appointment immediately after I have had one injection to ensure that I am on time for the next. I was told a few days did not make any difference.
On the smug bench as well, I have started my foraging. Yesterday I did about 2 1/2 liter of Elderberry syrup. Today I collected some apples from the school ground for my elderberry and apple Jam tonight. Then it will be blackberries.
Have a great day benchland ladies.
Yup, as Katy says the 'thumb thing' is something that I noticed recently when it seemed my whole 'affected' hand was way bigger than my 'good' hand... aaaargh I though the dreaded lymphoedema. Although the hand swelling dissipated there is still a sense of 'padding' between my thumb and forefinger which *may* be fluid.
ST that's interesting about the guarding because I caught myself doing that in the early months after surgery, and also across my reconstruction.... have a feeling it's an intuitive evolutionarly thing!
Jane re: NHS two week for all potential cancer patients... not entirely true; my current wait comes under that heading according to NICE, and there is no time guidleine in Scotland (SIGN) for this kind of gynae thing, only a 'should be referred' so I'm meant to be pleased I got an appt. in six weeks... Also some people will get get 'non-urgent' (4 week) breast referrals and then be diagnosed with cancer
Anyway, back to work today. Keep thwacking the alligators and munching cupcakes in the sunshine
JCJ, that "jittery" bench is shaking and wobbling, hope you get on well and manage to get off that bench safely, yep there's always one doc no one likes!
Jane enjoy your day off, a pampering day, lovely.
grumpy, glad you are having fun and your lady is helping, your tech skills are supreme!!
FF you go for it girl let them have it!!
para, sleep must have worked cause you're looking beautiful!
ST, between your thumb and forefinger there is a padded area that appears to be slighty larger than the non affected hand, anyone else have the same???
Am on the "recovery" bench this morning, all quiet until later this afternoon, so plenty of rest and the SUN is shining, yippeeeeeeeeeee xx
I was wondering about the hand thing too....
the NHS is patchy mainly because it's run by people! I'm fairly sure there are treatment guidelines - and 2 weeks from GP to specialist is one of them for ALL query cancer patients, so the lady waiting ages should not have been.... BCNs? Hopefully your hospital will have more than one on the team! All 3 of ours are excellent, so I hope you get somewhere with your prosthetic....
Could we harness the syncronised flushing to the breeze/wind, d'you think? Temperature has plummetted this morning.....
have a good day in benchland... <<<<<<<<vvvvvrrrrrrroooooooommmmm >>>>>>>> Help!
What is this "thumb on the affected hand" thing?? I was told I "guarded" my left arm at my last medical assessment?? I have become aware that I hug my left arm a lot. Is this something that I have to learn NOT to do?
Just heading off to the new bench ---------> over there. It's the "wanting a dog" bench. I am loving fostering dogs but want a "forever" dog now.......
I think like everything else, the service on the NHS is a bit of a lottery depending on what area you are in. I know when I was first diagnosed I saw my GP and less than 2 weeks later I was in the breast clinic. At that time there was a lady posting on here who was still waiting after several months which is just not on. Something needs to be done so we all get the same standard of care including the speciallist services such as prosthesis, not quite sure how that will happen though.
I remember reading on an american site and an oncologiost was answering somebody's query. He stated that he likes to spend 1 to 1.5 hours with each patient going over the treatment and answering questions and soothing concerns. I thought to the 5 minutes I get each time I see my onc, but I suppose the saving grace over here is we do not have to pay, maybe that is why the service differs so greatly from area to area. I do feel that the NHS is a mortally wounded animal being overloaded and pulled in so many directions it is struggling to survive. Oh dear - rambling again!! Think I will have to throw my verbal diarrohea (sp) into the lake so the alligators never starve!!
Enjoy your wine and cake
JCJ - hope your injection goes ok - he might suprise you and be good with needles - I do hope so, if not when he has finished accidentally kick him before apologising by saying he had hit a reflex point. All surgeries tend to have that ONE doctor who nobody wants to see, strange that.
Chinook - sorry about your motorhome, I hope you can restore it to what it was without too much trouble. I know what you mean about about not being stressed,although my reason is different.
Katy - it's great to have something to look forward to, as my cruise this year had to be cancelled I must look into booking something for next year soon.
JCJ - beat that panic down, it's unnecessary at the moment , that doctor is possibly unpopular because of his "bedside manner" not his competance. We have one such at my practice!
Jane - enjoy your day off.
My news is that I phoned my Breast care nurse today and was told by the secretary that she had left the the Breast care team!! Good news is that the secretary was able to make me an appointment for the prosthesis clinic ( she was unable to hide her shock that I had not had one). Bad news is that I don't know if I have a BCN , will be phoning them again tomorrow to find out.
A letter of complaint will definately be sent. It's just not good enough that I should find out accidentally , on the Internet that I'm entitled to a partial prosthesis. How many other women are not told this? It's unacceptable!!
Ok rant over- going to the "Chill" bench with a glass of wine and slice of cake.
Ladies - sitting on the Very Smug Bench today: on holiday and still in touch with Benchland, due to technology a.k.a. Hotspots. I'm SOOOO proud of myself, I can do it! As the rest of my holiday will be in the Highlands of Whisky Land I just hope there will be more hotspots.......
Talking Lady has been VERY good, really nudging me along and I feel so much better cos now I can make decisions and feel that I am /taking responsibilty for my future.
The Girls are enjoying their jollies, altho dear little Barley is showing her age dreadfully and her life will not be long. She has given me so much love and pleasure over the years.....
Love to all
RevCat, what a superly duperly special day, our synchronising was indeed something truly spectacular!!
Sipping our ginger beer and munching on our potted meat sandwiches, we told many a tale, then just at the very end we discovered our secret hand type thingy, does every bc person have this? what is it? and why have we got it?
I had a wonderful day so many thanks to the "fantastical" RevCat!
Am now on the "can't walk even to put the kettle on" bench, where's that transmat?xx
Well ladies, the 'All Scotland Synchronised Flushing Team' met today for training - and we flushed in perfect synchronisation, so another gold medal is ours next time around for certain sure. We also discovered a new secret hand signal... thumb on 'affected' hand... curiouser and curiouser! Now on the chilling bench after a lovely day out with a fellow Benchlander and synchronised flusher ... the amazing Katytc. So good to meet for real - and how we laughed as we shared stories. Hope to do it again soon 🙂
Good to hear from you Cromer or Crabby - even if the news is not what we'd want to hear. Sit on the deaf bench with us..... la la la..la de la la.. not listening... too many bad endings.... la la la...
Squashed Croc! Wondered what the mess was! Just managed to dodge you there CM! You'll have to try harder to get me next time! When I was on retreat, one of the staff was in a chair, and if you were crossing his path at all, he'd say, in a lovely soft lilt "I'll get ya next time"! Lovely guy...
I'm on the bouncy bench - day off tomorrow! Woo Hoo! Hair done.. nails done.. coffee with a friend....
On rising panic bench. Spilling my tea becuse I'm a bit shaky. Called in at the doctors' surgery again on my way home. Nurses can't do my injection. Has to be a doctor. The only one who is available is my least favourite of the whole practice, nobody seems to like him much, (which is probably why he is available?) and I've never felt much confidence in him.
I know part of the problem is that I'm rather emotional at the moment - because the injection's due! - but I can't stop myself wondering if he'll do it properly and as painlessly as MY doctor!!
2 weeks to Onc appointment for 6 month check-up, so that's giving me the jitters too. Not looking forward to going back into THAT consulting room again! 😞
chinook thats awful was there much damage??
Beautiful morning but freezing, summer well and truly over now!!
FF going to Majorca, have been there many times and just love it, going back to the same hotel, no matter where you are seated you can see my grandaughter bobbing around in the pool or in the play area so it feels very safe for little ones. Long time to go but soooooooo looking forward to it................
Am now on the "dreaming of my summer holiday" bench xx
Hi revcat and all. Resting my arm and typing horizontally as arm playing up. Been busy today emptying my motorhome. Someone stole it on Saturday and during the police chase smashed it up a bit. OH was beside himself and PC who came to sort it out was suprised i was so calm. After BC nothing gets me that stressed any more! And I have much to be graateful for. Have to admit to being on the "Jail and Throw away the key Bench" today.
I too nearly gave up on the site but glad I didn't.
Sorry to hear about your friends Revcat.
Hugs to all.
Hi Sarah. Nice to 'see' you again! Sorry you've been through it a bit, but glad you're feeling chipperer now! I thought about you whilst visiting Cromer with daughter over August Bank Hol. I tasted some Cromer crab and felt a bit like a canibal 🙂
Duaghter's OH never been crabbing, (despite being brought up in Norwich!) so we bought her a crabline so they could go cromercrabbing last w. end!
Skived off Staff meeting tonight 🙂 - well HT sent me home, cos she asked how I was feeling and I answered honestly (for a change) "tired".
Called in at GP surgery on my way home, to book next week's 3-month Zoladex injection, only to be told my doctor not in until October!! Great! I can't wait until then! I asked the receptionist what I should do, and she said she'll "see if one of the nurses can do it" and to call back tomorrow. I can feel myself getting more emotional, so I know the injection is due. Not sure if "3-months" means 12 weeks or 3 calendar months. I had the last one on 19th June.
Thanks for the spoons Choccie, even if they did hit me as you roared past! Definitely need as many spoons as I can get hold of to get through a week of teaching!
Lovely to see you back Sarah, just be careful of the blue whizzzzzzzz mean machine.
Sitting on the "hysterical" bench to day am I laughing or crying???
I think I'm laughing which is pretty sad, oh dear, brain seems to be in a weird place, in a good way I think xx
Ooooooo what a lovely welcome back. The shannanigans with this site made me almost give up on it. I'm lunching with Twinky today. Ive been in hospital with neutropenic sepsis, that was 2 months ago. Acquired anemia and it's only now I'm feeling a lot more chipper. My treatment has not been that successful but I'm being an ostrich as I'm waiting for an appt for a ct scan. Bleuch
Welcome back Sarah/Cromey, I've really missed you (and you little mouse with a broom) and was actually starting to worry about you. So glad to see you posting, and that you have a few spoons to play with.
I am on the bewildered bench today. Deeply saddened by the sudden death of Elttiks (Aly) who waas diagnosed after me and several years younger. Her incisive wit (phrase stolen from Ninja), humour and generosity of spirit will be much missed on here and, indeed, on Facebook. Also a real world friend has just been diagnsoed with a degenerative condition that will limit their life expectancy to less than five years. I have so much to be grateful for, and each of these reminds me to carpe diem, with which I'm sure Eltticks, and others, would concur.
Crabbie! Long time no hear/read/speak! How are you doing? Hope the spoon delivery finds you well. I noticed a rather large thwacking ladle heading in your direction, just hope you managed to duck in time - those things hurt!
Greetings to all in bench land. I've been absent for a while I know. My cutlery drawer has been depleted for months but now I have a few spoons to play with. Haven't read up on whats going on yet but saw the latest post by CM and thought I'd say hi
Oi, stop having a go at my new toy! It comes fitted with a spoon dispenser, so some of the clatter and racket you hear is the spoons hitting the deck as I whizz past! Sounds like a few people need to gather up a few spoons, there's been far too much activity going on out there.
And I did squash a few alligators on the way round, which made rather a mess, but fortunately didn't take too long to clean off. It's amazing what a bucket and a sponge can achieve.
I'm helping a friend with her PhD thesis (just formatting and proofreading) so my poor brain is feeling a bit fried - haven't had to do any actual THINKING for so long, I'd almost forgotten how to!
Right then, back to it, traipsing round Benchland isn't getting the document edited...