stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[Ali_H]

Shiney marbles! Get yet shiiineeeyy marbles etc etc
I've discovered rosé cider. Yum. And such a pretty colour.
JCJ, how many marbles would you like? And have a lovely rosé cider with them, it's made from apples so is bound to do you good 🙂

[JCJ]

Another random re-post so I deleted it! Kindle clearly confused by being in Scotland? Too much haggis and whiskey?

[Ali_H]

Shiney marbles!! Get yer shiiiineeeey marbles ere..... Luvvly marbles....get em while they're....ummm....marbly!!!

[JCJ]

Either I've COMPLETELY lost the plot or my kindle (other.....)has just randomly re-posted the post I sent on Tuesday, in Travelodge! So titef and confused. OY! You! Bring me back those marbles!

[JCJ]

i am sure I can hear the camels rampaging aout on the stairs complaining that this escalator doesn't work!
it's a good job i'm not sharing this double room only 2 teabags -that's not enough for me never mind anyone else!

[foxyferret]

Crikey Katy - I said ONE of those parts not ALL THREE ! Will do my best but I think I left my marbles in Morecambe. Will search the lost plottery shed in case someone found them.
Do I play Olive as the Julie Walters character or as a part-time student at uni? Can imagine the other two characters but struggling with that one.

Grumpy - I believe you were elected at breakfast on Thursday. Do you not remember?

Son and family have been over and believe it or not, I think daughter-in-law GOT Benchland to a certain extent.

Nice photo Jenanne.
Ali - I, too, read that as a camel coloured scarf!!

[katytc]

Yes you both can be Plods! Remember you will be bareback camel riding in the third act, so hold on tight!!
Only Edwin, Delia and Chester now, nearly a full cast xx
PS Wonder where Kays surprise was???

[Ann_W]

Can I be a plod please cos I,m naturally nosey and will love searching all around the penthouse suite and any of the other places where bad deeds have been done.

[Tuppence]

Can I be a Plod please? I can practice my Allo Allo Allo what 'ave we ere. I'll work on the accent obviously!
Glad the travelling benchies had such a good time.
Tup x

[katytc]

tee hee, the part is yours jenanne xx
Casting only now for Edwin, Chester, Delia and the Plods xx

[Guest user]

I would like to be Milton De Witte, Blanche's special friend who is full of admiration for her formidable qualities - he is also full of admiration for the beautiful, fun-loving Charlotte Rose, Blanche's niece.

[Ali_H]

Ooh Katy, nicely recovered! Hump very happy.
Blanche, I'm afraid the camels don't consider themselves animals, nor to be honest bound by any rules or conventions, but I'm sure they'll behave and not nick the silverware. They do like a nice spit though....ok, I see your point. If I gag them can they come in please? Only you know what they're like when they sulk....
(ummm I've forgotten who scarf-wearing dude is chauffeur to, is it Blanche? Do you think she'll notice the camel hairs in the back of her motor?)

[CanonJane]

Well, excuse me (in character as Blanche) "I'll have NO smelly animals in MY suite of rooms thank you! IF you behave, you may enter the foyer, and there you may stay, PROVIDED you do NOT "take the hump" at any time" (or do anything unspeakable as animals are prone to do)

[katytc]

Do not despair dear Hump, The Plods ride you up the stairs and into the Rotunda to announce the murderer to all, a spectacular part indeed! You are also allowed to spit on the culprit, woo hoo!! xx

[Ali_H]

Psssst.......Katy.......Hump's gone off in a sulk, he's already jealous of my camel coloured scarf and now he hasn't got a part in the production..... Dink however is having a diva moment 😉

[katytc]

New word for the day titef, please stay away from the balcony JCJ xx
Good luck with exam results xx

[katytc]

Big hugs to your friend grumpy xx

Those who have successfully auditioned:
Blanche Pepall Meath-G I Jane
Eleanor Le Feuvre-moi, katytc
Benjamin Le Feuvre-Benedictus
Flora Pepall Meath-JCJ
Charlotte Rose-G I Jane, Charlotte Rose is NOT a slapper!!! She is a flapper!
Claude Domville-FF
Minnie-FF
Olive-FF, well done 3 parts!!
Archie-Ali, scarf wearing Parker type guy
The Dame-Director
Millie the dog wearing tiara and sparkly bracelet sits upon Dink in the Rotunda both acting as ornamental statues

Parts still up for grabs
Edwin Le Feuvre

Chester Pepall Meath
Milton De Witte
Miss Delia Sparkle
PC Plods

Please do not try to guess the plot..................it's all a mystery! xx

[benedictus]

OK. Please can I be Benjamin? Do like the sound of being a conniving bad boy and as port is off limits at the moment cos of mouth like a baboon's bottom I can at least enjoy it here.
I'm sorry, too, to hear of your friend Grumpy. I'm sure her 8 year old will take everything in their stride - certainly mine has. He's very empathetic anyway, but has been gorgeous and loving yet at the same time very tickled with the thought that his mum's going to be bald. Gotta laugh! My 14 year old's struggling on the other hand, but perhaps that's just adolescence. And we're all agog for Thursday, too, Ali - AS for us. Really not sure what to expect......

[benedictus]

A stab in the dark, eh, Ali? That's very flippant of you - or perhaps it could be a sub-plot? Read your post about the camel coloured scarf and thought something dreadful had happened to Hump and Dink, then realised it said 'caramel'.

[Ali_H]

Can I play Whatsisname (forgotten already) in the style of Parker? With a bit of The Italian Job thrown in for good measure? "you want me to blow the blaady doors orf m'lady?"

[JCJ]

That should of course be sabbotaGes and Penthouse SUite. Tiny keys in bright sunlight! I'm on the balcony!!!! CRASH! Splat! Quack, quack, quack!

[JCJ]

That gives me an idea for the plot at The Madlands. Somebody......what's the word? Cammouflages?.... No. sabbotahes the balcony of rich widow's (not a chance I'll remember ANY of those names...and it'll take HOURS on this phone to scroll back!) Penthouse site, so she dies before she can change her will! Mwah ha ha ha!

[Ali_H]

Benedictus I just closed my eyes and put my finger on one.....

[benedictus]

Bear with me Benchies! I need to give this due consideration so intend to sit down with a mugatea and study the character list when I am sufficiently compos mentis to do so. x

[grumpy]

Er, scuse me, just when exactly did I audition/be selected for the post of Director????
And don't try telling me the gremlins ate the post cos I won't believe it........
Huffy Grumpy

[Ali_H]

Can I be Archie please? Sounds a bit like Ali so hopefully I won't miss my cues.
Grumpy I'm sorry your friend hasnt had the news she was hoping for, I hope everything goes smoothly for her.
Busy week ahead, it's A level results day on Thursday and son has his hopes pinned on a B in his physics re-sit for a place at uni...peak season at work....and we go on hols at the end of the month, so lots to do! Treated myself to a lovely pashmina scarf yesterday, the colour of caramel...it was in that huge store with Maxx discounts (hope that wasn't against the advertising rules, there are lots of discounted scarf places). It's original price tag said £220, now it's very very nice and soft and feather light but two hundred quid????? Anyway I paid a fraction of that so very happy. Not quite sure how this post became a description of the contents of my wardrobe..... Maybe Archie wears a scarf, I imagine the car is one of those very old Rollers without a roof....
Just re-read this, what a lot of 'hopes' there are! It's actually a word I don't like, that's probably me being weird .... But can't think this morning of a more suitable one

[JCJ]

Practising my dithering this morning. Balcony windows open but not sure I can bring myself to go out onto it or sit on the very fragile looking chairs. Visions of plummeting onto the tarmac below in a shower of shattered plastic, while the ducks on the river gather to watch and laugh at me. Quackers! Will have another mugatea and see if that helps. Now where did I put my mug? Dither dither dither.

[CanonJane]

I never knew that being" fun loving and kind" meant that you had to be a slapper too!!! Perhaps I should read the relationship ads in the paper more often! Such an innocent, me... or,
alternatively, I can try to remember what it was like to be a slapper..... trying..... trying...... failed.
If no-one else wants the part, I could be the formidable Blanche... shades of my grandmother there (not the wealth, just the formid)
I agree we need our new Benchies to join in the insanity, if you've got the energy as you go through the mill... it IS a laugh, on days when you don't feel like you can laugh. If you're having a bad day and something is expected of your character, we will ad-lib to cover, and Grumpy (Director) NEVER gets grumpy.

(make space on the guilty bench - I told a lie)..

Hugs and prayers to your friend Grumpy.... and her family

time for coffee....
J x

[JCJ]

Titef????? WTF? Stupid phone: TIRED!!

[JCJ]

Still awake. Now trying the twin room on the back of the house away from the road. Just the river to contend with! The washing powder used to wash the bed linen and towels has such a strong perfume it's making my eyes water!
Sooooo titef Neef to sleep. 😞

[Guest user]

Katy, thank goodness I wasn't drinking a mugatea when I read the title of the new play!! I have changed my avatar - 'tis a pic of me taken by Revcat on Morecambe seafront.
I heard that FF's real surname is double-barrelled. She is actually Benchland-Ferret, but generally hides this fact, preferring to use only the Ferret part - not to appear too posh!
Zuleika, perhaps you could check with GP and use an alternative painkiller, one that doesn't cause constipation, like diclofenac?
Hope you sleep well JCJ, but if not you can dither about, practising at being Flora! I am already dithering over which character to choose!

[JCJ]

I could be Flora? I'm good at dithering!

Tent is dry!! It started to drizzle (with rain - not the tent!!) Just as we drove off the campsite! Phew! Don't think I'll sleep well tonight. it's too hot indoors and the road's a bit noisy. No misbehaving camels setting off burglar alarms though! 😛

[foxyferret]

Of course we can cope, we are Benchlanders, we can do anything!

I really hope that the new benchies will join in with this, otherwise we'll all be playing several parts. Come on girls, dont be shy, join us in our madness.

[grumpy]

Is Charlotte a bit of a slapper?
Grumpy

[CanonJane]

Help! I missed your post Grumpy!

i think I'd best. Not be pc plod this time, I did such a bad job last time. Can I pretend to be beautiful, fun loving, generous and kind? Charlotte Rose OR what?

can we all cope?!?!!

[foxyferret]

Hope eating the post didn't give you indigestion JCJ. Hope you enjoy your scottish holiday and hope the weather is kind to you. Hope the tent is dry. How many times can I put the word hope into a sentence?

Murder at the Madlands Hotel? I rather fancy being a boring old man so can I audition for Claude Domville. If not chosen for that role maybe I could be Minnie the maid or Olive the waitress?

Lots of good wishes and hugs to your friend Grumpy.

[grumpy]

Millie Dog will be in the new play IF, and only if, she can wear her tiara and sparkly bracelet. She can do stairs but not escalators by the way.
Heard today that friend had biopsy results, not too good, WLE did not get clear margins so MX with immediate recon in 4 weeks, please everyone send her hugs and good wishes. Their 8 yr old is coping fine, knows Mummy is poorly and giving her lots of hugs and cuddles.
Grumpy

[JCJ]

Don't worry, FF. I have eaten your post that revealed your real name! 🙂

[CanonJane]

I had to resort to Movicol from time to time. Drink gallons....don't let it go too long...
foxy, we will NEVER tell anyone your real name is Ferret- your secret is safe with us!

washing den and ironed... Garden rescued... Beans picked.... On k******d bench, watching a recorded Prom 🙂
wonder how Eric is doing?
all together now.... '"Bring me sunshine, in your smile..."

[katytc]

Zulieka, hope the remedies work for you!
FF, you spilled the beans Ferret mmmmmmmmmm, thought your surname was Benchland, now really confused.
Well, we had our real MMU adventure, methinks it's now time for a Benchland Adventure woo hoo!!








MURDER AT THE MADLANDS HOTEL, NORCAMBE……………
CHARACTERS:
Blanche Pepall Meath-wealthy widow, formidable woman made her cash investing in the diamond trade.
Eleanor Le Feuvre-much younger sister of Blanche, stuck up, incredibly bossy, with a bad attitude.
Edwin Le Feuvre-Eleanor’s husband, lost Eleanor’s inheritance gambling, weak man.
Benjamin Le Feuvre- Blanche’s nephew, conniving bad boy with a penchant for port.
Chester Pepall Meath-brother of Blanche lost millions on the stock market.
Flora Pepall Meath-Chester’s wife, meek, mild and dithering.
Charlotte Rose Pepall Meath-Blanche’s niece, beautiful, fun loving, generous and kind.
Milton De Witte-Blanche’s special friend, philanderer extraordinaire.
Miss Delia Sparkle-Blanche’s bestest friend, part time amateur sleuth.
Claude Domville-Blanche’s solicitor, bespectacled, boring, old man.
Minnie-Blanche’s lady’s maid, always at Blanche’s beck and call, down trodden and harried.
Archie-Blanche’s driver/butler, cheerful, dependable chap.
Olive-Madlands Hotel waitress, efficient girl, always on the lookout for big tips.
The PC Plods
Camels and pets needed for strategic posing.

SUMMARY

At Blanche’s request the family gather at The Madlands Hotel, Norcambe. Blanche has decided to change her will in honour of Milton De Witte. She tells the family that they can no longer rely on her generosity .
Everyone is aghast.
Blanche will meet with Claude Domville, solicitor, après Afternoon Tea to authorise the change.

Choose your character carefully, auditions real soon xx

[Ali_H]

Apparently curry and spicy stir frys help too, and a bit of exercise (like walking to the chemist for liquorice and sennacot)
Ooh yes, dried apricots, figs, actually eat what you like best and just tell everyone it's a well known constipation cure. It's not nice though so I do sympathise ....

[foxyferret]

No, Foxy is not my real name. Ferret is my real name............oh gosh now I've gone and revealed it. Please everyone forget this post.

[grumpy]

Dried apricots!!!!! Brilliant for constipation.....
Grumpy

[Zuleika]

Thanks Ali H, I like the liquorice all sorts remedy the best

[Ali_H]

Foxy isn't your real name?????
Zuleika I found a combination of lactulose solution , Laxido sachets and lots of extra fluids helped...and liquorice allsorts. And bran flakes. And orange juice. And fruit. As you may be able to tell, I had a bit of an issue with constipation throughout chemo - apparently a fairly common reaction to the anti sickness drugs!

[foxyferret]

Forgot to say that if any of you do want to put pics on Facebook or Twitter or similar sites, please do not put any that include me. Never thought about it until RevCat's reminder. Thank you ladies.
Also please do not mention my real name.

[foxyferret]

Dinner last night was very good indeed. Good job I don't usually eat what I've eaten this week or I'd probably be the size of a house!

Well I tried to explain tiaras to daughter and that seemed to be ok. But the camels were a different story.....I got a "Mother's lost the plot" look.....just after I'd told her they were called Hump and Dink.....I gave up, thought about finding Jane's excellent description of Benchland but then thought, why bother?

Son was relieved to hear from me when I got home as he had dreamed that he'd had a phone call to tell him that I'd been murdered! He even got out of bed to check the last call on his phone. He's coming over to see the photos tomorrow so I shall have to try the tiara/camel stories again. I can see now, the glance that he and his wife will exchange..........

Off to the TV bench with a mugatea to watch the athletics which I've recorded.

[JCJ]

Now in a cottage in Bonnie Scotland, after 2 days in Yorks Dales with no signal. Too many posts to catch up on OH waiting for us to unpack car - if we can work out how much of the cr*p we actually need- then we'll go and find some chippies! 🙂 Hope all MMU Benchies got home safe. I had a lovely time. It felt like a very strange time warp going back on the train across the Pennines to my field!

PS. The balcony in this place looks decidedly dodgy - def won't be putting Fat B******s bench on it, that's for sure!

[benedictus]

Hi Zuleika, Back home and independent showering after 3 days sounds pretty tremendous to me, although not so good about nearly fainting. I remember how quickly I felt well after my MX: the body is astonishing in its capacity to heal. I remembered the constipation being horrendous during treatment last time so pre-empted things this time. I'm using a combination of senna and a mild laxative called macrogol which is working. Both available over the counter.
Do very much like Revcat's lovely bracelet - and what a marvellously green and verdant setting!
Hope all MMU members are suitably refreshed after their shenanigans xx

[Zuleika]

Could I perch on the im getting there bench please. Mx and tissue expander on Thursday and feeling pretty good. Just wanted to offer positive vibes to anyone about to embark on a surgical treatment plan. Im sure it's not all plain sailing ( I almost fainted in the shower this morning), but to not be in limbo is a fab feeling.
Anyone with any tips on how to deal with codeine-induced constipation (sorry), will be gratefully received
thank you