stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[JCJ]

Well done Ali's son!! I hope he thoroughly enjoys his time there- getting a degree as well would be a bonus! 🙂

We paid £7 to ' meet the deer' the other day, then had to jam the brakes on yesterday to avoid hitting 3 in the road! Strolling around right in front of us! I said (shouted?) "Oh! Deer!" But of course it sounded like "Oh dear!" - keeping in character as Flora? 🙂 Nearly had venison for dinner again!? :-pDon't know where I'll be at 7 pm or if I'll have a signal, so I hope Flora's part isn't too big (so to speak? :-))

[Ali_H]

Aberystwyth, computer science. It's his first choice (actually his only choice) so he's all smiles now. Good luck for the AS results....

[benedictus]

Fab news Ali! Where's he going and what's he reading? I'm waitingi with trepidation for AS results - any time now...........

[Ali_H]

Woo hoo... Son's got his place at Uni!! 🙂

[grumpy]

That's it, I'm going out all day to the sheepdog trials, then having my hair done in preparation for tonight's rehearsal. I need every bit of help I can get with this lots of crazy ladies.
Millie says she is going to roll in sheep and rabbit poo, and fox poo if she can find some, so that she and the camels can have a Who is the Smelliest Competition. I've told her 3 kinds of poo is cheating......
grumpy

[katytc]

Well, not sure what happened last night, all that drinking, eating Macdonald's, chips etc!
Dame Grumpy seemed a little quieter...............must have been her phone line going down! Who does she keep talking to??
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry at Blanche, what is she thinking??? How dare she leave her billions to Milton??? Who is this man anyway?? He deserved that slap, Blanche had better watch out cause she WILL be next.
Edwin is looking very furtive and keeps saying we need to talk about the stocks and shares, I just don't want to listen to him I have other things on my mind...............
Blanche's friend Miss Delia Sparkle made a right spectacle of herself, drinking so much alcohol that she keeled over, she's maybe hiding something...............
I'm going to have to report that girl Olive, the constant sniffing and blowing of nose is making me ill, how can I enjoy afternoon tea with everything that's happening??
Why is there a huge camel with a dog glued onto it's hump wandering around the Rotunda???
And boring old Claude has arrived to change the will? REALLY????
Brain is whirling with all of the goings on, will retire to my chaise longue to mull things over.
Next rehearsal 7 pm this evening Scene Two (Afternoon tea) xx

[CanonJane]

(Dame Grumpy, I really feel for you)

[JCJ]

Did somebody mention rum? Hic!

[millymolly_m]

Well, I've driven through the night and spent my last brass farthing getting here following a summons from my uppity sister. I've spent the best part of the evening banging on the door to get someone to let me in. Now that I've finally got in all I can see are chip forks, empty Magners bottles and piles on the floor that look remarkably like cowpats. what's more there's a strange, lingering, animal smell that brings to mind my little financial misadventure in Cairo last year.
This is a rum do or my names not Chester!

[supertrouper]

I really do need to wear my glasses - it wasn't Eric's cupcakes I was feeling - it was Milton's - and he deserved the punch in the face that Eleanor gave him.

Blanche - you need to realise that Milton is a BigMac&Fries eating Philanderer who speaks with a welsh accent even though he says he desended from royalty (who are mostly german - although I have nothing against the germans or any other nationality)

I need another pint of Magners - who's round is it? and can we have less vinegar on the chips this time? Is it Hump's round or Dink's. They always manage to get grains of sand in my drink on the way back from the bar.
OMG - feeling faint.......I think someone has put something in my drink..................

(falls on floor in a very very dramatic way)

curtains close

[Guest user]

Ouch! Ouch! My poor eyes! My poor nose! Your young sister Eleanor can really pack a punch! What have I, Milton, done to deserve such a beating - and such acrimony??
I know you know, dearest Blanche, that I had very little capital to call my own, but for you to bestow such magnificent beneficence....WHY dear girl??
Nom, nom... Big Mac& Fries...

[supertrouper]

Wiping tears from face....(from laughing) - too many pints of Magners from the Kings Arms. Going to sashay (look it up) down Norecambe prom looking for Eric and some chips.

jellytot83 - haven't you something else you would rather be doing if you have just got married? I can only imagine what because as Delia Sparkle is a spinster of this parish and obviously still of good virtue!!

Ahhh Eric - there you are. You look pleased to see me or is that a cupcake in your pocket?

[Guest user]

Jelly, part of Edwin Le Feuvre needs filling, otherwise it's Katy having to do 2 roles!

[grumpy]

Grumpy gets into forum via profile page....
The Dame is recovering nicely from the hysterical shambles that went by the overoptimistic label of rehearsal...... and that was only Act 1!!!!! Thanks for the cake, it is going down nicely with a sniffer or two. Moderately good costumes I think, but shoes need more thought, boots and posh frocks just look silly. If everyone could remember this play is in the round (Rotunda - get it???) you won't collide with each other for entrances and exits. Dink nearly lost Millie dog in the struggle at the end of this scene. Directors note to self - glue dog onto camel, as well as tiara onto dog.
The next things to get organised will be make-up and props. plenty of slap, and that dark red lippie, bot not Olive obviously, puts the guests off their food.
Phone line went down today, had to use the single, senior citizen, BC patient Card to get them moving - and move they did one hour later...... brilliant service!!!!!
On the Tired as a Newt Bench....
The Dame

[jellytot83]

Howdy All,
ive been locked out for a few hours 😞
married life treating me well thank you all, honeymooned in Mxico, was bliss.
any chance there's a jelly shaped role available In the play?
x

[JCJ]

As Flora: Sorry I missed the meeting. I was lying down with one of my headaches. Couldn't face Blanche in her bossy mode.

Been out and about in rainy SW Scotland, and didn't try loading Benchland thread after it said it was temp off line. Too titef to be bothered to fight this stupid phone and the cr*p signal now!

Good luck to anyone expecting exam results tomorrow!

[Ali_H]

Boo. I'm not Eric. I'm Archie (and confused)
Can I still have some chips?

[foxyferret]

If problems getting on to the forum are the reason, please ignore my remarks about not turning up. I did think it was a bit strange.....

Please let us know what happened in the Private Function Room.

That pint looks good ST, I might just indulge when my shift has finished. I was right NO TIP.

[CanonJane]

Well! That's shown them! I thought that went really well, their faces were a picture....
now, where's my divine man?

[Ali_H]

Ooh hang on , am I Eric??? Maybe I did get a Magners after all, maybe even chips too 😉

[Ali_H]

Oi! I've been here since 6:45, waiting patiently with car. No-one even sent me a bag of crisps out never mind a Magners! Someone please tell me what all that was about, cause milady's got a face like thunder and mr smug looks like the cat that got the cream. They want a drive through McDonald's for heavens sake, something baaaaad must have happened....

Whispers back from audience "YES ST! IT WOULDN'T LET ME LOG IN EARLIER AND NOW I DAREN'T LEAVE IT!"

[foxyferret]

No, no need for the manager. They seem to be leaving. The horrible woman (who treats her maid terribly) has just sailed out followed by her paramour. The rest are following some crying and muttering about revenge and lawsuits.I wonder what has happened? Oh well, I'm only the waitress, will never know. I'll clear up now bet none of them has thought to leave a tip.

Oi, you lot with the starring parts, where are you? What happened? Three hours since rehearsal started and none of you turned up?
Grumpy - please come out from behind that sofa...I've brought you chocolate cake. It will be all right on the night.

[supertrouper]

Stepping out of character for a moment and whispering to the audience

"IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING DREADFUL PROBLEMS GETTING ON TO THE FORUM??"

Stepping back into character..........

Why is it taking so long for the Manager to arrive? I think I need to retire to the Kings Arms for a pint of Magners - or two. Chips afterwards would be rather nice. Might go and have a chat with Eric.......

[foxyferret]

Ok Delia, I think it's that horrible rich woman who wears those dreadful shorts and her family. I took their dinner in earlier and they all seemed rather on edge.

[supertrouper]

As Delia Sparkle - Don't call the manager yet Olive - let us listen at the door to see if we can decide who is in there first.

What was that noise? It's all gone very quiet in there. I think it is time to call the manager!!

[foxyferret]

As Olive - seem to be rather a lot of noise coming from the Private Function room. I'm sure I can hear shouting.........(walks over quietly to listen at the door).......oh yes, lots of shouting and someone is crying hysterically. Should I get the manager?

[Guest user]

I was just thinking how amazingly formidable Blanche can be, and the idea of being severely ticked off for under-dressing was too scary to think about, so have been up to my hotel suite and changed into more suitable attire. Rather dashing and debonair, though I say so myself!

[benedictus]

I'm here. Just having a lie down behind the sofa - too much port

[Ali_H]

As a dutiful chauffeur I've been waiting with the motor on the drive since 6:45. No idea what's cracking off up there but I'm ready if milady wants a drive out.
(translated - sitting in the car with a paper, a sneaky flask of tea and a ham sandwich. Got the radio on, quite happy. Bless those little camels' hearts, trying to sneak upstairs without her ladyship seeing them. One of 'em seems to have a rather nervous looking doggie on its back.....I'm sure this is only tea...?)

[Ann_W]

sorry could,nt make it for first rehearsal but have been at hospital with OH who tripped at the golf club and broke his foot.
Plods wont be needed till about Act 3 so I dont think I'll have missed anything

[Tuppence]

PC Plod here- just happened to be passing these premises on my beat and made a note that there seemed to be rather a lot of posh people congregating here. Think I'll come by this way again later to make sure they are not being too rowdy. I know what these types can be after a few snifters.

[foxyferret]

I'm here Blanche, sorry to be over familiar but this old doddery solicitor has forgotten your name. Don't worry I've brought along young handsome imaginary solicitor to deal with legalities.
I shall never cope with all these costume changes and remember all my lines and cues!

Sorry to hear of your problem RevCat, hope they get you sorted out soon.
Glad you've got rid of the plaster Katy.

[supertrouper]

I've been here a while, just quitely listening to what is going on. I don't trust Milton - I am going to keep a close eye on him!

[CanonJane]

None of them have the decency to be punctual. Such bad breeding. So common to be late. I don't hold with people being common....

[Guest user]

I, Milton, had to go on a little trip earlier today to visit my, er.., frail ageing mother. Blanche is magnificent when angry - bit my head off and said it was most important that I be around tonight as the news she has to announce very much concerns me. Whispered 'remember the special extra birthday pressie I promised you'. Well, I am sitting here in the Rotunda bar with a very fine cocktail, waiting for the clan to gather. Decided not to bother dressing up too much - plain white shirt, to show off the magnificent diamond cufflinks - besides which am rather hot after rushing back from seeing Daphne, er..., mother.

[katytc]

Murder at the Madlands Hotel Norcambe: rehearsal 7pm sharp



SCENE ONE

Blanche tells her family in the Rotunda that she is leaving all her money to Milton De Witte.
Family are shocked! Horrified even, white faces, red faces, smug faces and tears all before bedtime!
Blanche flounces over to the table, set for Afternoon Tea (Scene Two tomorrow evening)
Ad lib, Ad Lib, Ad lib over to you Dame Grumpy!
Foot has swollen like a balloon so away to lie down on the "ouchy" bench xx

[Lucy_BCC]

Hi Ali

Glad you like it!

Best wishes

Lucy

[Ali_H]

Ps , mods- this new font looks very nice on my iPad 🙂

[Ali_H]

I didn't bump the roller, 'twas the camels! Anyway it's all sorted, I've ordered milady a Bugatti Veyron, she saw it on Top Gear and thinks Mr Clarkson is a very nice chap.

Costume- one camel coloured very nice new scarf, tick. Biggles-style goggles, tick. Very smart dark navy suit, tick. Peaked chauffeurs cap, tick. Shoes so shiny you can see your reflection in them, tick. Selection of bumper stickers (milady'll never notice) in varying degrees of bad taste, tick. Neon pink fluffy dice, Buddha air freshener, nodding dog, tick tick tick!!! All set 🙂

[katytc]

Hee hee hee Ali, it was all because you bumped Blanche's Rolls, she has such power............
ann, am not giving Hump back until teatime! xx

[Ali_H]

What on earth happened there? Several attempts to log in, 'access denied' every time....send out my SOS and I'm in. Marbles, gone. Phew.....was a nasty moment!
Hello Mrs Jelly!!!!
Oh no Revcat, hope appointment comes through quickly.....

[Ali_H]

Help it's Ali_H and I can't log in!

[katytc]

No one playing Edwin so may just have to improvise, one minute Eleanor, next minute Edwin mmmmmmmm!
What about Miss Sparkle?????
Blanche looks as though she means business! A little scary! She always used to frighten me when we were kids, maybe karma will catch up with her soon.
And isn't Milton rakish?
Have just been galloping around the Norcambe Pyramid practising my lines..........

Welcome back Mrs Jelly, woo hoo!!
Oh RevCat, hope your appointment is very soon, you did have your suspicions, big hugs to you xx
Am now plaster free! Toe and side of foot swollen says will take around 3 months to calm down! Have to keep wearing shoe, keep foot elevated. Will be walking with tri walker for ages.........
Managed to get appointment to have a chat about Lynn, feel as though we're going truncal............
See you tonight 7 pm, who's arranging props etc???!

[Ann_W]

Katytc have just seen the photo of you on Hump. Please will you return him cos the camels are the only transport the PC Plods ( Temp & Ann_W) have and dink is missing her mate and cant learn her lines for tomorrow without him. Thank you

[RevCat]

Hello Jelly, lovley to see you again - hope married life is superly duperly wonderful.

Just been dusting off the gynae waiting bench... return of the PMB means starting down that path again 😞 GP is sending urgent referral so we'll see if they can get it in under 8 weeks this time... Fedupski but I know it's no big deal really.

PS is it me or did all the fonts on here change and shrink whilst the site was down this morning? Flippin' alligators up to mischief again!

[benedictus]

Rakish get-up here: brogues, corduroy, monocle, one of those spivy moustaches, cigar and port - yes I know it's only 11.30am and, no I don't care. Just bring me the bl**dy port. And sharpish. Now, where's my photo gone.....

[CanonJane]

There's a part left for you MrsJelly, only I can't remember who/what!!! Nothing much changes!
In character

Many of you haven't seen me for a while.... I thought I'd remind you of why it would be in your own best interests to attend tonight....

J

[Guest user]

Mrs Jelly, welcome back and glad your treatment's finished! Yes, rehearsals begin in earnest - or more like chaos! - tomorrow at 7pm sharp. The play is called Murder at the Madlands Hotel, Norcambe (I think!)
The pic is of me as Milton de Witte, getting costume together.

[JCJ]

Welcome back Mrs Jelly and congratulations on your Mrsness! I hope you had a fab wedding and honeymoon?

We are in the middle of rehearsals for a murder mystery set in Norecambe - because 8 of us crossed the divide from virtual to real and met up for 2 days in Morecambe. The others joined in virtually ! We had chips in tiaras (us, not the chips) and posh afternoon tea and cavorted with Eric on the prom for willing photographers. The camels came too and disturbed the guests at the Travelodge by setting off a neighbouring burglar alarm at 1 am and playing about on the stairs.

[supertrouper]

Presenting - Miss Delia Sparkle