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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forsooth, it pisseth it down today.

Not clement enough for the walking of the small 4 legged beastie, so wenteth to purchase a lightweight sucky uppy appliance to aid removal of strange hairy bits from the floor of the Great Hall.

My magic spells don't work on doghair!!! Shame!!!!

Morwenna

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forsooth, this mess of a potage, t'was but a taster. Lawks-a-mercy! My Lord Frederic arriveth this very nyghte with an mighty entourage and expecteth a most splendid repast fitteth unto his daughter, the Ladye Isabella. (May'st Beatrix goeth easy on ye onions, beans and peas for all our sakes!)


'Tis rumoured he asketh this very nyghte for the hand of the fair Lady Matilda and, yea verily, he do  bringeth Ye Olde Mappe of the Castle of Bench. Methinketh 'tis but tittle-tattle.


The fair Matilda turneth to my young friend Tristan for ye solace and doth spendeth much time cloister'd up with him. 'Off with head' may'st also ring in his ears if he is not carefulleth!

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

"Bu**ereth" Literally LOL! Smiley LOL

Kayteeb53
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I am so full of gratefulness that mine papa, Herman, was not the purveyor of such noises. He embarrasseth me so much I am all of a dither and do not knoweth wych way to turn. Thy apparitions are reminding me of a camel owner we encountered in a moorish village! I wondreth why?............
Ali_H
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Wind? Ravens? Now look ere, I've put a lot of effort into my woooooooething and my cornetto head gear, I'm a bloomin ghostly apparition ok???? Nothing to do with onions. Although, I do rather like the reference to my golden orbs. 🙂
Wooooooooooooooeth..............ah, forgot the verilys and forsooths.... Bu**ereth......
katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thought it was only my plight dear FF, thou have heard it too!! Maketh me happy. Thought my mind had been afflicted by madness...........

Friar, methinks the loudness and continual wooooooooooooeth last'eth for such a length of time that thou cannot take the blame'eth here.................

Feast was wonderful managed to slip'eth some goodies in my apron, thou hast to be sooooooo careful......or the shout of "off with head" rings in'eth thine ears.

Psssssssssst,

Morwenna maketh me tremor with the fear and trepidation'eth xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

'Serephina siteth most repeat'. Dost she maketh wooooeth sounds also in the manner in which onions repeateth on mine own troubled constitution? Smiley Very Happy

millymolly_m
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forsooth! I hath begun to prepare a sumptuous repast from the spoils of mine lord's hunting. Yet, woe is me, I have been struck down by fits of giggleth in response to poor friar Jerome's Tamoxyeth predicament.
As a consequence of this malady the pheasant hath plummeteth to the ground whereupon it hath been ravaged by Matilda's hound, Seraphina who now siteth looking most repeat.
Thus, I beseech thee all to be grateful of the meagre pottage I have prepared for tonight's repast. I hast of course addeth beans and peas for thine constitution and trust his will not disturb our friars comfort.
JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

My humbleth  monkish apologies for sounds appertaining to woooooooeth. I should have recalled the effect that onions combinedeth with Tamoxyeth have one one's constitution! Pardoneth me! Smiley Embarassed

 

( really shouldn't try to use swipe technology and write 'ETH' words. Computer says no!!! 🙂 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

M orwenna do-eth spell check (geddit?) by tapping the correct word .......

 

foxyferret
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

T'ith not the wind Arabella, I too hath heard ye "Whooooooeth" and a darke shadowe did'st I see on the East Tower steps, withe straynge golden globes each side of ye head.

 

Aah, mine cook hath appeared and pleasedeth I am, as My Lord Herman hath been a-hunting todaye and wild boar, deer and manye winged creatures needeth preparing.

 

I, myselfe am sufferynge from an ague.  Should I visit Morwenna for a spelle or Friar Jerome for one of his herbal potions?

 

Is spelle check that which Morwenna doeth?

RevCat
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

"Nice peasant"  soundeth good and mayhap also 'ye old butler'

 

As ye old butler 'desireth thou more mead m'lady?  sir?'

 

As nice peasant 'ow-ar-eth ow-ar-eth here be turnips for ye, and, lo, mushroom-eths from yonder glade.  Prithe walk with me under the moonlight?'

 

(Plotteth is losteth so maketh way to chamber of mislaid plotteryness)

 

Dideth thou noticeth that the spell-check canst unravel midevidal speech? 

Guest user
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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

4 parts still uppeth for grabs:

Tristan Woodruff, nice peasant
Frederic, Isabella's father, Lord Herman's greedy cousin.
William, ye old butler
Jack the court jester, married to Arabella the wench.


Calmeth thyself Arabella - 'tis but the wind ye hear! Ye weird shapes that floateth and screecheth are but the ravens, who do flitteth around a lot when the wind howleth and storms breweth! Even so, the wind dost gusteth liken unto the breath of a monster this day, roaring over the battlements! It helpeth not the nerves of the fair Lady Matilda. Whither is Jack the jester and young Tristan, he whom my lady doth favour?  They mighteth cheer her up!

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

T'is most splendid news MMM! Ladye Agatha is mucheth pleased thou art more refreshed and mucheth relieved thou hast begun to prepareth the sumptuous fare!!

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Welcometh back millySmiley Happy!!

Am sure thou will findeth some gastric delight to fill Kay's magnificent'eth bowlSmiley Very Happy! To be indeed so talented....................Smiley Wink! Thou hast made a bowl that will be coveted by many.

Rain has poured from the sky today.............all day..............am sure it's the black art at work...........keep seeing weird shapes floating'est around, screeching woooooooooooooeth, not liking it one bit xx

 

millymolly_m
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Whither hath I put my piny?
millymolly_m
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

By my troth! Absence from the magical kingdom of Benchland hath lain heavily upon my heart.
Witchcraft and apothecary hath been proffered to balance my bodily humours, lowering my spirits and rendering me feeble.
Yea verily, my constitution improveth greatly and I relish the pouring forth of news from the magical kingdom. Thus I bidst thou permit me to commence employment as thine faithful cook, whereupon I shalt prepare sumptuous fare for the delight of all!
Beatrix
(Alias MMM, recovering from round 1 radiotherapy, waiting for round to to start next Thursday)
Kayteeb53
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thank thee fair Jen. I accept your kind offer graciously! I will check my wardrobe for suitable attire.
I know you have all been waiting with bated breath for my first ceramic masterpiece, well here it is https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/media/gallerypage/comment-id/334/image-id/750i1A88EAEAA6FA7...
Sorry I can't take orders, each of my masterpieces is unique! LOL
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Kay, mayhap thou would'st kindly play the role of the lovely Ladye Matilda who suffereth much distress from her dastardly Dad,  Herman? 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forsooth, just moveth the magical box and image conjurer from the cold bedchamber to the main hall,  to be near the enclosed firepit. Not good for the disease of the Prickling Arm.......

Just because I am the Hag, I needeth these mysterious boxes to terrify the peasants (a.k.a. the contractors up the road) and the image capturing device for the wicked deeds they do-eth to this green and pleasant land.

Grumpy-eth

Kayteeb53
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Good morning all. Am impressed with command of 'Olde Englishe' as shown by these fine upstanding women. Verily I say that it am suffering with the deafness of the ears due to modern electrical drilly thingy echoing around my abode.
I was awondering if there would be a part in this playe for a womanly wench with my afflictions ( flushyes, earblock and other common womanly ailments)
I thank you for your earnest consideration

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

She indeed has'eth me spellbound, food'eth on it's way xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ha ha ha JCJSmiley Happy!

Ate'th my supper, pig's snout and trotters on black rye bread'eth stuff delicious!

Just'eth realised am not going to be able to decipher curse or find treasure cause'eth am illiterate'eth, so may have to try the black art meself, methinks!

Has'eth any other noticed the alligators are extremely'eth quiet just now??? may have something to do with the sewage being cast into the moat????????? Perchance??? xx

 

Guest user
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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What ho! I returneth from pilgrimage. What news? The Lady Isabella hast consenteth to join with my Lord Conrad? Alas and alack, I am of humbler birth, Tristan humbler still. Thus fair ladyes we can'st never win!
Arabella, be a good wench and fetcheth Justin meat and mead - and pleaseth to stop wailing on about 'the black arts'. Thou listeneth overmuch to that old hag Morwenna!

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I know 3 triplets that would be PERFECT for cleaning out the middens! (tip them upside down and use them as mops??) 

 

We seem to have lost the pink ribbon and gained a red and orange b for a logo. That'll confuse some people, but make this site distinct from other breast cancer sites? ETH (just added a massive ETH at the end because I forgot to use it throughout. I thinketh that works? :p)

foxyferret
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Pray, doth anyone knoweth of three small peasant boys (possibly triplets)?  I needeth them to clean out the midden afore the guests arrive.  

 

Wow, we've gone partly orange, that's an improvement. 

Ali_H
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

"whooooooeth!!!!!"

Yup, I think that works 🙂
katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Love the new coloursSmiley Happy!

Psssssst, thou are practicing the "black art" gazing at the moon, am feeling sooooooooo frightened!

Wilt thou dissipate my fears??

Felleth down the stairs wearing my ghostly apparition garb and the remaining tooth hast GONE?

Must findeth the treasure so I can have pretty teeth again, sigh.....................keep finding beakers of mead instead hic...............xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well doneth Katy for such stunning immersion in the part!   Fair Revcat, ye remaining parts are:- 
Frederic - Isabella's greedy father & Lord Herman de Wynter's cousin
Tristan Woodruff - nice young peasant(rumoured of noble birth)
Matilda - Herman's daughter, kind & lovely, oppressed by her father
Jack the court jester - cheerful wit, married to Arabella the serving wench.
William -  old retainer/butler, in charge of castle household.
Beatrix the cook:  loud, nosey-parker.
Conrad is not around for longeth so someone could take the role as extra.

 

I have partaken of the magic herceptin brew this day - t'is said that the number 13 is unlucky for some, but not for me I hopeth!  Only 5 more brews to go. 
I did also visiteth the marketplace of Asda to buyeth a new computer mouse, which I have sorely missedeth this past week or so!

P.S.  Gazing at the heavens last night with new telescope - saw craters on the moon!!!

 

Ali_H
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

(erm, what's ye olde English version of "whoooooooooo" ??)



"whoooooooooo verily forsooooooooooth" (in a ghostly voice)
JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Prithee cease yon caterwauling! This monk requireth ye solace of solitude & Silence! 

 

That was Only  Friar What'shisname - please don't stop...... It's hilarious ... and keeping me sane (??????) in this LOOONG term!

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What I do for my ARTSmiley Wink!!

What???????? I could've just blackened my teeth??????????? Thou could've told meSmiley Wink xx

RevCat
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

foresooth.... sore tooth.... verrily that doth soundeth like a medival barber-surgeon tooth-pulling experience Katy 😞

 

prithe fair Jeanne e're long to telle this mad maiden her role in the mysterye?

 

Work calleth.... Anon, fair maidens, anon!

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well trip to dentist and had many a tooth removed so I just have one in the front now, letting chin hair grow wild and won't wash for the next while......................hair standeth on end, am completely throwing myself into the partSmiley Happy!

TREASURE!!! This wench is on the hunteth..............

Forsooth, my olde husband is driving me crazyth, I do not findeth him the least amusing, jester???? the man is a clownSmiley Mad xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I have replacedeth mine avatar as befits mine new role. Oh you sayeth 'monk' - ah well a monketh will have to do? Smiley Very Happy

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Worryeth thou  not, Grumpy - Morwenna doth not have to write the curse!

Every humble serf hath knowledge of Ye Olde Prophesy which sayeth "That the Castle and Lordship of Bench shouldst pass from the present family, whenever the REAL owner shouldst return to inhabit it!".
Morwenna hath handy magic powers (casting spells & such) which she useth to helpeth or hindereth!  


Verily, there hath been STRANGE goings-on at the castle of late, noticedeth mostly by the servants: unearthly manifestations, lurking figures, weird noises!   


There hath been  gossip heretofore about some legendary long-lost treasure (which really belongeth to the 'rightful owner').   T'is said t'was buried somewhere in the Castle before the de Wynters ruled.  There hath been much speculation of late! 

 

Allocated roles so far:-

Grumpy - Morwenna, venerable wise woman.
Ali - Ghostly damsel, resplendent in metallic gold ear muffs. Will maketh spectacular appearances anon!
Millie - Seraphina, Matilda's little dog. Well done for attention to costume!
JCJ - Friar Jerome, the secretive wandering monk.
Katytc - Arabella, sturdy serving wench, Jack's wife AND a ghostly apparition!
ch280 - Audrey, simple scatty country wench, Matilda's maid.

FF - Lady Agatha de Wynter, Herman's dithery wife.
GIJane - the feisty, beautiful Lady Isabella, Conrad's betrothed.
Jenanne - Justin, Squire & Confidant of Tristan.  Also a ghostly apparition.

foxyferret
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Prithee , could I be Agatha de Wynter?  Methinks it seems to be a part made for me as I can dither for England and I have always had aspirations to become a LadySmiley Happy and to wear a wimple!  

 

Ieth shalleth starteth toeth maketh myeth costumeth forthwitheth.  No, Katy, I don't think that quite works!

 

Do ch280's chickens get parts or are they on the menu?

 

I' m away to dither over what to serve for the banquet.  Where's the cook?  Not that she CAN cook.......if she spent more time in the kitchen and less poking her nose into other people's business, maybe the food wouldn't be either half raw or burnt to a cinder. Maybe I ought to fire her and get another cook ........or maybe not........I don't know.  Yea verrily t'is a dilemma.

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Lordy, Lordy... I know not whether I am agatha or Isabella... Dithery or feisty? Methinks It dependeth upon the level of the hormone.

Much curried apple and walnut chutney hath been prepared for the feast, to accompany the hog roast. The harvest hath been bountiful this year, which will help us through those long winter months.

The injured shoulder hath been seen by special lady who hath given plenteous exercises to assist mobility (and cause pain). Great is the rejoicing over revcats news....

Methinks the time has come to put aside thin clothes in favour of warmth, and to shake out the moths from the wode....

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh how mine cup floweth over! What sad circumstances doth my life behold, that the delivery of a new kettle - of the new-fangled electric variety - (old one was leaking through the see-through bit!) AND the new recycling bin, on the same day of the calendar should bring such joyous glee! Such excitement!   Now I can get rid of the 2 boxes and 3 bags in the porch. 🙂

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

whispers - the cooker wasn't ON, was it???

Millie the Snot is practicing curtseys and wiping her nose on her wimple. What do you mean, she doesn't wear a wimple? She'll have a right drama queen strop if she can't have a costume!

Stopped myself chucking old rags, sorry clothes, in the bin, as they may come in handy for the Hag outfit.

grumpy

ch280
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What good news, Revcat.  Thou shalt rejoice herewith!  

Just back from a short break in Tenby - twas lovely and we enjoyed stunning scenery and some really good walks.  

A funny thing happened the day before we left .... I had let the chickens out of their run to roam freely in the garden.. I usually supervise their time free ranging but, being the day before  hols began I had rather a lot to get done and so went back into the kitchen for a while.  Next thing I knew was one of the neighbours appearing to ask if we had mislaid a hen!  Ooops.... turns out she had escaped from the back garden, wandered nonchalantly down the road 3 houses and taken up residence in the kitchen of the first floor flat there!!! When I arrived it was to find her making herself at home on their cooker.  I returned home, chicken under one arm and with a very red face!! 

 

I thinketh that I should audition for the simple country wench Audrey, as simple I surely am. 

 

Hope all who have been having a hard time lately are beginning to feel better.

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Whew JCJ, thank goodness all stopped!!! People I think are generally trusting which unfortunately leads to disasters! These salespeople are extremely good at twisting things sadly.................

 

Can I please be  Arabella??? Really fancy being a sturdy wench hee hee! And a ghostly apparition???

FF, just add "th" on the end of wordsSmiley Very Happy! You will be great for the New Year Extravaganza musically entertaining us.

 

Off to find a "wenchy type costume" and figure out the meaning of the curse xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Heavens! I leave you unsupervised for TWO DAYS and look what happens! It'll take most of tomorrow morning to catch up/keep up!

Verily verily I say into thee, calm thy selves!

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh lordy lordy lordy! All those names again. Already confusethed! If we're doing this play for Sooty, can I be sweep? 😛

 

I assume the 'magical' horses are actually camels? 🙂 

 

Cold selling crisis averted. Contract cancelled. OH realised the error of his ways - thanks to Google! I found reviews of the company.... Not good! One of my favourites was "wouldn't touch these people with somebody else's 10-foot barge pole". Now got to spend time doing some research to find a reputable company to do the job! ( I've been nagging for aaages that we needed to insulate the house. The living room has 3 1/2 outside walls and an open chimney. The radiators have furniture in front of them and it's so always cold in there, unless we light the fire, when it becomes half boiling and half freezing - marvellous for ye old flushing!)

 

Can I be the moody (type casting??!) secretive monk as I'm guessing he doesn't say much.... (Just keeps to his own bad habits? boo boom cha! _ ye olde jokes are the besteth?) 🙂 

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Does Morwenna have to write the curse?

 

Does it have to be in chaucer-ese?

 

Who knows any authentic curse type words?

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What are spoilers????

I meant mead NOT scotch....

grumpy

grumpy
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Millie the less snotty dog will take the part of Seraphina, health permitting of course dahlings.....

Please can I be the Old Hag (someone said it will be typecasting) or the Nosey Cook (likewise)

 

Now I am having a little nip of scotch

Spoiler
 
Spoiler
 

Ali_H
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forsooth (oooh iPad tried to change that to 'for sooty', which I quite like, so I'll start again!)
Yea verily and For Sooty! Wondrous news indeed fair RevCat, (and A* for use of language). I'm off to read my Chaucer to get into the lingo, in the mean time can I be a ghoulie please? In an ice cream cone hat with hankie and some knitted gold metallic ear muffs (think Disney princess stylee)
foxyferret
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Yea verily, I have unknowingly entered a time warp.  This sounds as if it's going to be fun but really........camels in cod pieces??  I will practise the language ( I do not expect to reach Revcat's  level of mastery though).

 

Bagged myself a few bargains at the weekend from the local charity shop, other than that life is just jogging along quietly down here.  The drier part of my washer/drier has started to work again!!  That's good news but completely inexplicable.  Oh rejoiceth!  ( See , I'm trying...................very trying some might saySmiley Tongue)

 

Katy - sorry you're still suffering.  I play, or attempt to play,  a DGX 640 which is a piece of electronic wizardry that enables it to sound like any instrument from a piano to a full orchestra.  It does all the accompaniment, so it sort of plays itself with a little help from me.  In piano mode it's all me and that's when all the wrong notes happen!

 

 I've just had a look but there is not a mandolin setting.  Will a harpsichord do?  

 

 

 

 

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Verily mayest thou rejoiceth Revcat!

 

Well, here we go.

A HALLOWE'EN MEDIEVAL MURDER MYSTERY ( Pray chooseth a character).  

 

CHARACTERS:

Herman de Wynter, Ye Olde Lord of Benchland Castle - deranged, lecherous dictator.
He hath much money and enemies.
Agatha de Wynter, Ye Goode Ladye of Benchland Castle - sweet, but all of a dither (due to the vile husband).
Conrad de Wynter, Son of Herman & Agatha - weak man, heir to a fortune.
Matilda de Wynter, Daughter of Herman - lovely, kind girl, oppressed by her father.
Isabella de Ville, Conrad's Fiancee and Matilda's Confidante - feisty young damsel.
Frederic de Ville, Ye Greedy Father of Isabella - a lord & cousin to Herman.
Tristan Woodruff, Servant to Conrad -  handsome, cheery young peasant; 'tis rumoured he is of noble birth.
Justin, a Page & Trusted Confidant of Tristan- swashbuckling, in training as a Knight.
Friar Jerome, an Old Monk at the nearby Monastery - moody, secretive.
Audrey, Simple Country Wench, Maid to Matilda - scatty, easily spooked.
Morwenna, The Old Hag (sorry), Venerable Wise Woman - scary looking but goodhearted, often to be found in The Cave of Mother Morwenna.
Jack, Court Jester & Mandolin Player Extraordinaire - cheerful witty chap, privy to Herman's closest secrets.
William, Old Family Retainer & Butler - in charge of castle household, food & drink.
Beatrix, The Cook - loud, devious nosey-parker.
Arabella, Serving Wench - a sturdy, observant girl; Jack's wife.
Various Ghostly Apparitions.
Magical horses: Silvermane, belongs to Tristan.
                                Shadowfax, belongs to Justin.
Little dog: Seraphina, belongs to Matilda.

 

SUMMARY:

 In englysch tonge I schal you telle the tale!

At Lord and Lady de Wynter's behest, ye townsfolk & castle dwellers gathereth in the Great Castle Hall, to celebrate the (forced) engagement of the son & heir, Conrad de Wynter, to the fair Lady Isabella de Ville.

As the assemblage feast and make merry, a monumental crash is heard!

A large statue falleth from the minstrels' gallery and flattens Conrad!  Pointing a gnarled finger at Lord de Wynter, who is white with terror, Morwenna the Crone chanteth 'Remember the CURSE! Remember the CURSE!'
WHY???