stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[JCJ]

Thank thee, thank thee, thank thee, Katy. I have just satteth reading the last few posts with absolutely no understanding!

I am so tired after a long, stressful day (Nay, 7 1/2 WEEKS!) at school (with frequent visits to the FF bench! ) that I just cannot get my brain to follow the convoluted language never mind the plot of the story! 

I will attempt to peruse it all again next week when I have more time and energy.....eth!

(Also trying to steer clear of the panic and/or wobbly bench(es) because my boob has been tender and sore - and bigger?? - for the last few days! 😞 I KNOW it's done this before, and Onc & surgeon both say it's normal, but when I'm overtired, I just can't switch off the 'What if?' monster! )

Errectingeth an enormous ETH bench down by yonder lake of guilt in the land of Bench. 🙂

[Ali_H]

Woooooeth n all thateth.....this hat isn't alf difficulteth to manoeuvre round corners when you're out ghostething. There's a plot?? Sorry, been too busy drifting around with my golden orbs. Eth.

[grumpy]

As Morwenna:  I am a bit hacketh off - the curse has not yet produceth a CONFESSION.

Thinks to self: I musteth be loosing my touch as an evil scary hag, this lot are scared of NOTHING...... must put on pointy witch-type thinking-eth hat, and cometh up with something really scaaaaarey. A week in solitary with Simon Cowell or Brian Sewell perhaps........

grumpy Morwenna

Soon-to-be-unemployable scary Hag

[katytc]

Woo hoo Kay thought it was only me who'eth afflicted!!

Cause someone somewhere has not lost'eth the plot unfortunately ist not'eth me or thou ,xx

[Kayteeb53]

I too am forlorneth, and cannot remember for the life of me who is who. Have had to write out who and what is happening!
May hap I am too shrivelled in the brain for this. LOL'eth!

[Guest user]

Many hath asketh my mother Beatrix the origins of her two sons for, verily, Tristan and I are halfen-brothers and we looketh not alike!  We knowest not who our fathers be.

[katytc]

Black-bumin' shame is your garb, quo' they, and syne gin you tum your face, it lowes wi a reid and laithly flame, that springs frae the evil place..................says Arabella (the Scottish wench) hahahaha!

Have no idea what is going on whatsoever, don't  know who is who?? or what is what??? Please say someone else is the same, if not blame it all on the drugs and ofcourse the mead....................

Back to my hideaway to try figure it all out and have to stop adding 'eth in the world that is not Benchland, appear to have no marbles left xx

[Ali_H]

Woooooeth! I saweth a flash of a ring as red as ye bloode..... The dark deptheth of a soul in falseth mourning...the shadows which followeth softly-clad feet as they scurrieth away from the foulest deed....wooooeth!!!!

[Guest user]

My half-brother Tristan and the sweet Ladye Matilda do comforteth each other in their distress.  

I hath been thinking that things do stinketh of a double-cross!!!  Who did'st have reason to kill?

Lord Herman wast to gain from the betrothal of ye son, Lord Conrad, to Frederic's Isabella.  

Lord Frederic wast a sworn enemy until that time!  Verily, Lord Frederic wast to gainest most!

Yea, marriage unto the sweet Matilda and thus a way into the Castle of Bench to seekest out ye treasure!

He wast betrayed methinks!!  There is one, murderer most  foul, who didst knoweth his secret plans!!!

[Guest user]

By my trothe, my mother Beatrix do'st excelleth herself this day!   She dost make ye finest pastyes in the kingdom!   I shalt taketh some to those that aileth and grieveth this day! 

[millymolly_m]

Good morrow my lady, a goodly brew hast I prepareth for thee this dreary morn.
'Tis told by yonder servants that thine daughter be cloistered in her chambers with the fare lady Isabella. Indeed, tis said that Tristin and Justin too hath visited the pair. In truth I never dist see-eth that pair. Yet surely such outpourings of grief as cometh forth from young damsels must find solace.
'Tis too said 'mongst the peasants that Tristin loveth Isabella deeply. Yea, forsooth, so much devoted to Matilda be'est Justin that he hath sworn to joust to the death for her hand.
Wherefore shouldst these gentle maidens wail and grieve? Both hath become free fromst the wicked plottery of each father. Each can now chooseth their own sweetheart.
Kind lady, I pray your forgivness that I be so light of heart, yet I'faith they will be wed for certs. Verily, the sons shalt inhereteth that which be rightly theirs. Wenst that day comes the Land of Bench shalt once more rejoice.
T'would be well that Friar Jerome dist prepareth himself for service.

[katytc]

I fear some evil has truely entered the Castle of the Bench.................am wearing my talisman with hope in mine heart, this used to be such a happy'eth place.............

Have been given lots of potions from Morwenna and am now'eth going to hide'eth away................please'eth thou' est catch the wicked one, I fear'eth I am not stong'eth enough to ward off this malevolent presence. Off now to'eth the room'eth no one knows of xx

[Guest user]

The Ladye Isabella grieveth much for her father Frederic,  whomst she did'st love as a dutiful daughter, but did'st suffereth nonethelesseth,  liken unto the sweet Matilda at the hands of her father, Herman.

Methinks Isabella doth remembereth too fondly in her grief!

Lord Frederic was liken unto Lord Herman in greediness and deceit!!

[Kayteeb53]

Pon my word. I cannot believeth the cruel fayte that has caused these wondrous persons to be killeth. Whoeth would doeth sucheth a thingeth (keep going with the 'eths').
I must retyre to mine bedchamber with griefeth. Beatrix, would thou be so kindeth to maketh me sum of your soothying tea to reviveth me.

[millymolly_m]

I tell ye true, I hath survived that very curse and fear it no more wise Morwenna. Yet, I hath non to fear as ye map is indeed hid safe with the Four Legged Beastie who hath also stole away with yet more of Lord Herman's . Aye, my son shalt receive that what is surely his right afore this day is done.
Hah! "Wilt thou not tarry a moment longer fair maid" didst he spake that many a long year past. Fool was I to be played, like yonder mandolin, in my comely youth. Many a year hath I tarried here whilst slaving for that wretched man. Fie on thee Herman. Thou art naught but a boil, a plague-sore an embossed carbuncle - yet alas the father of mine own son!
Enow pratting I speeketh to well. I shalt dally here no longer but away. By your leave there is work must be done.

[GIJaneH]

Alack and alas, for I am undone (again!)  And this time it's not My Lord Frederick who has undone me, it's the bounder, cur, cad... fie there are no words for the dastardly man who killed my wonderful Frederick...

I can scarely lift my head...

(five minutes later)

but if I catch the person, he'll rue the day he was born.....

[grumpy]

Morweena sayeth that the map is (whisper in old crone type voice) has been hideth in the secret place guarded by the Snotty Four Legged Beastie...... who sleepeth in the cave (cupboard under the stairs) BUT waketh with ferocious snarling if disturbed.

Curses willeth be chanted over any peasants and nobility who speaketh not the truth - hair will falleth out, vicious waves will shineth on you, joints will acheth,  lumps will be cutteth off your body and you will sinketh into a state of idiocy.

Why is no-ONE terrified??????

[foxyferret]

I proclaimeth that I knoweth nothynge of the deaths.  Verrily, t'is fact that when the statue toppled I stille resteth in mine chamber both tiredeth and dispiritede over yon betrothal and the neede to decideth between a greene or a red gown.  Upon hearynge the commotion I made haste down the East Tower steppes into ye Great Hall and learned thus that my son and Lord Frederick were dead.

Lord Herman, why art thou lyinge on ye cold rushes?  Ah, I see, drunk again.  T'is always his answer.  Never can he be relied upon.  Excepte for chasing ye wenches.  Sorrye, Friar Jerome but you wills't get no sense from hym until the morrow.  

[Guest user]

Act Two:

Wherein Morwenna the Wise and ye goode Friar do endeavour to findeth the truth!

Conrad, Isabella's fiancee is no more - who did'st see the statue toppleth on him?

Jack the Jester did'st find the body of Isabella's father, the Lord Frederic - an arrow in his heart!

Who did'st plan this foulest of deeds? Who did'st noticeth things afoot? The castle inhabitants do giveth account.

The de Wynters are cursed, their line endeth.  Who is the real heir to the Castle of Bench?

[Guest user]

I sayest thou art NOT manly!  Lord Herman now, but not much longereth.  Fie on thee!  Thou did'st chaseth my Lady Isabella in corridors dank and drear.  Blaggard!  Thou hearest not, in drunken stupour - I shalt throw down the gauntlet when I a knyghte am made!!

[JCJ]

Ah mead. Mead, I say! More mead!  (Aside: ha ha "mead I say more"?)Deliciousness. Delishoshnesh. Delishyishy. Wheresh mine legsh? Shhhhhure I had them heraboutsh somewheresh. Who shtole mine legsh? Give me back mine legsh! Harumph! (crashes to the floor in an inebriated heap)

[katytc]

I cannot say'eth who utters the words Lord Herman, have'est another of the beakers of the delicious mead, in fact just thou have the whole barrel!

,! 

[JCJ]

Who sayeth I am not manly? Let them come hither and proclaim it to mine visage. I shall showeth them manly! And the business end of mine fist! Harumph!!

[JCJ]

Being a monk of few words: Where wereth thou yesterday e'en' and haveth thou any proof? Alibies will be requireth and checked.

Yon detective investigation is thirsty work. Whence is the wench with the mead??

[katytc]

Such poor wit hath Lord Herman, to find the confidence of the kind that abandons manliness and leads to leisurely boasting, methinks if they could see the danger in him and if he would not pursue the ladies, how quickly that would cause great joy and change of spirit in thine castle. He is indeed a man who honours no oath!

Do as thou wilt???????? Perchance?

Whither is the privy? and the barrel of the olde mead? xx

[Guest user]

Ladye Agatha knowest not whether she cometh or goeth! T'will be the latter, I fear!

Ye Olde Prophesy do say the de Wynter line is cursed.  Cursed!!!
Thus the real owner hath returned and walketh amongst us.

Morwenna and the Friar needs asketh thee, this very nyghte, thine where-eth abouts.  Mayhap of things espied?

[foxyferret]

Oh  I just kneweth that moste dreadfulle things woulde occur.  The omens have ere been againste me since I hearde ye wailing yester eve.  Oh my son, my son!  (Weeps and wails but quickly recovers). Whatever wille my lord Herman and I do, noweth that we cans't benefit from the Ladye Isabella's dowry??  

A curse?  A curse?  Morweena doth witter on aboute a curse. 

Bringeth more mead!!  I knoweth not what I am to do. More mead!!

[Guest user]

Justin:
Matilda & young Tristan do offereth condolences.  I too am gladdeth, er, saddeth that Conrad is no more -

I hasten to Isabella's chamber to offereth comfort!
Lord Herman still ranteth! Methinks 'tis more to do with ye Treasure and Missing Mappe. Methinks Lord Frederic didst search in dark and secret places and mayhap did'st drop said document!
I did'st not commit the nyghte's foul deeds. Much mead did'st cause me to falleth asleep in the presence of all!

[Guest user]

Jack:  Forsooth, t'was a ghastly syghte...my Lord Frederic piercedeth through the heart with an arrow!

My Lord Herman shaketh me upside down but findeth not Ye Treasure Mappe!  I sweareth I commiteth not such foul deeds as hath occureth!! 

[millymolly_m]

As MMM - it is important to remember that poor Beatrix is an ill educated woman. Hence the lack of punctuation in her posts. 😉

[millymolly_m]

Verily 'twas ruction and mayhem in the great hall yon prior eve! N'ere afore hast I witneseth such a thing. Young master Conrad were squashethed by the tumbling of a most huge statue. Methinks fair Isabella and bright young Tristan wilt be much distressed by Conrad's premature demise. Alas, the bridal bed shall remain unsullied.
Verily, not that I shouldst be one to gossip, yet I wouldst have sworn my lady Isabella did breathe a sigh of relief midst her tears of woe.
Yet, shalt the family fortune remain with the wretched Herman. Hadst he become squashethed his great fortune wouldst hath become that of Conrad and his bride to be. Alas, alack poor Lady Isabella and as for the lady Agatha, she hast less colour in her visage than was seen in yonder whooooooing spirit. Perchance I should fetch more Mead?
Indeed, woe is all around this morn I must make haste to the kitchen, thither I shalt take council from wise Morwenna as to the meaning of these occurrences.

[katytc]

What'eth?? Who'eth?? Where'eth??

Drank'eth sooooo much'eth of the olde mead to drown out my husband's jesting, have missed all the commotion'eth...................

Pssssst warning'eth Do not'eth stand'eth near'eth a Statue..................xx

[JCJ]

As Lord Herman (not to be confused with the Friar - who is virtually a HERMIT! BOOM BOOM! Sorry, showing my age?): whence did that yoing wench disappeareth last evening? I'll be damnedeth if it was not she behind the statue falling on my Conrad! To the devil with her.

As Friar: calmeth yourself, my Lord, for t'was just an act of God.

Lord H: God??!! Be damnedeth!

(Friar shuffleth off in sandals & high dudgeon)

As JCJ: It's just as well 'Latest Posts' is no longer quite so prominent. Newly dx people stumbling across this will fear what BC will do to their ability to speak! They will wonder if they misheard, and actually have brETHt cancer?? 

[Guest user]

Act 1 The Morning After the Banquet the Night Before!
(Act 2, Monday evening. Act 3, on Tuesday)

The banquet was magnificent!  Lady Agatha playeth most splendidly on the harpsichord and the servants did prepareth & provideth wondrous sustenance to ye assembled company. Beatrix the cook didst find Ye Treasure Mappe on the scullery floor.  But the nyghte did end in direst fashion!
A great statue did fall on Lord Conrad AND Lord Frederic was discovered murdered in the cellar. Whodunneth-it???

[millymolly_m]

Hey nonny, nonny! I hath my posts inverted. 'Tis now clear. They appeareth at the foot of yonder page!

[millymolly_m]

Damn and blast I hath doublethink and posteth thrice without intention!

[millymolly_m]

Alas I too am undone and all of a dither. Verily I am weary of mine own stupidity. This new fangled site - 'tis indeed most splendid. Yet it doth forbid me to scroleth and seek previous comment. Verily I fear 'it's the work of dark mischief that the most recent speaking of my master Justin and his foolish jester hath slippethed down yonder!
Away I must to my scullery afore the hordes begin their braying for sustenance. Thither I shat prepare yet more wonderful repast.
(Beatrix sets off below stairs)
Odds bodkins! What hath we here? I findeth an aged and faded parchment that appeareth to be from a goodly length of time past. Perchance this may be the treasure map of the Kingdom of Bench that hath so many in such quandary.
Mayhap I shalt share my find with good William, the Masters old retainer if I only knoweth whence he be.

[millymolly_m]

Alas I too am undone and all of a dither. Verily I am weary of mine own stupidity. This new fangled site - 'tis indeed most splendid. Yet it doth forbid me to scroleth and seek previous comment. Verily I fear 'it's the work of dark mischief that the most recent speaking of fair Justin and that foolish jester hath slippethed down yonder!
yet away I must, to my scullery, afore the hordes begin their braying for sustenance. Thither I shalt prepare yet more wonderous repast. (Beatrix sets off below stairs)
Odds bodkins! What hath we here? I findeth an aged and faded parchment that appeareth to be from a goodly length of time past. Perchance this may be the treasure map of the Kingdom of Bench that hath so many in such quandary.
Mayhap I shalt share my find with good William, the Masters old retainer if I only knoweth whence he be........

[Kayteeb53]

I am hereth Justin, I have been to the venerable apothycarys to acquire a potion to relieve my redness. If thou drinketh mucheth more mead thou wilt need some also prithee!
Audrey, stop mithering wench, prepare my bedchamber. I wilt have toastyed cheeseth sandwyches in mine chambers. Pottage is not suitable for mine delycate disposition, it gives one the vapours.....

[Guest user]

Justin:  My Lords Herman & Frederic ranteth & raveth! Whither hast Matilda gone?  I drinketh too much mead - my Isabella soon wilt be joined to Lord Conrad! 

Come Jack, thou jolly fellow, and telleth me some jokes!

Jack: (JOKES)  With a hey and a ho, and a hey nonny no!

Why was the knight afraid of a bug?  Because it was a dragonfly!
Sire, a knight is killed in battle - what pray is writteth on his tombstone?   Rust in peace!
What sayest the dragon when he saweth St. George approach?  Oh no! Not more canned food!
What king wast famous for writing a lot of books? King Author!
Why didst King Arthur have a round table? So nobody could corner him!
What dost King Arthur listeneth to every evening at six? The knightly news!
What was Camelot famous for? It's knight life!
What do you calleth a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render.
Tell me Sire, where can'st a hungry warrior go around here to findeth a hot plate of food on a cold, dark night like this?  Yea, thou know'st it - the all knight diner!

The bells, the bells! The bells on my cap and on this silly costume, they driveth me mad.

Verily, I hath had enough!

I spyeth the Lord Frederic, with Ye Olde Mappe in hand. He descendeth to the cellars!

I capereth here, I capereth there - methinks I shalt just caper after my lord down this stair!

[GIJaneH]

Oh swoon.... This very night I may be betrothed! How long I have waited for this moment...this man....

[Guest user]

JCJ, mayhap the humble friar could'st double-up and play the Lord Herman? Herman is not happieth that Matilda hideth somewhere in the castle when he hath much to attendeth to this nyghte.

[Guest user]

Jane, thou art the fair Ladye Isabella, daughter of the Lord Frederic.  Thou wilt be engagethed this very evening to Lord Conrad, the son of Lord Herman, who throweth a celebratory banquet.  The Squire Justin hath an eye for thee. Howevereth, alas, he is too humbleth and can'st not ask for thy fair hand!   

[GIJaneH]

Forsooth, do I have to unroll,all the scrolls, or will someone take pity on this maiden and remind me who I am?

[ch280]

my mistress, Matilda was in such a dither being so embarrassed by her father, that now she seems to have gone off and I know not where to look for her. 'Tis nearly time to prepare her for the dinner - and try tokeep her calm. 

I worryeth that her feelings of embarrassment may lead to more redness of the face.

[GIJaneH]

Alack and Alas, for I am undone (wrong century again I think!) 
I am completely confusticated as to where I am, nay, WHO I am....

[JCJ]

New word for today's weather: interpissent - pi**ing it down intermittently. So glad I declined walk with OH in favour of "getting stuff done in the garden" one 'stuff' done. Stuff the rest!

Flasback: perchance the humble taciturn Friar could doubleth up as one of the remaining fair comrades? (But be warned - I shall get confused!)

[Guest user]

The roles of Frederic, Lord Herman & Tristan still needest filling (may'st need to improvise/double up). I wilt double as Jack the Jester.

Mayhap the fair Revcat doth taketh 2 roles - William the butler and Tristan the peasant?

Am away forthwith to helpeth the Ladye Agatha dispelleth the damp & gloom - to lighteth the candles, tapers and braziers!

[RevCat]

the rain it raineth everday... mayhap some mead m'lady, m'lud?  Foresooth nonny noony no and a bucket of sheeps entrails!  But wait, what light in yonder wondow breaks... (oops, wrong century!).. overeth to thou sweet storyteller