stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[foxyferret]

I went to a pudding party last night.  It was at my daughter's and in aid of BCC.  Only a small affair, just eleven of us altogether but a very good evening and we raised more money than I expected.  Newest grandaughter raised the most as she was selling cuddles!  Only downside was the thousands of calories I consumed  Will have to start the sensible eating (not calling it a diet) on Monday.......... need to eat the Turkish Delight I won in the raffle first!

After a lot of thought and mind changing I resigned from the mealtime assistant post yesterday.  Gave four weeks notice so thought I'd be leaving on the 14th Nov. but someone apparently is waiting for a job (must be mad!) so HT said I may be able to leave earlier. Yay!  

I have also sat on the CBA bench today interspersed with times on the reading bench.  Re-reading all my John Connolly books.  Anyone else read them?  I shall probably do the same tomorrow as well.

[JCJ]

I wish! (Skinny) I don't recommend the dodgy pork/bugs diet! As I spent the night with my head down the toilet, it crossed my mind that some diet fanatics and eating disordered people did that to themselves DELIBERATELY!! Bleurghhh! WHY???! Hurts to laugh or cough because I have strained all my stomach and chest muscles! 😞

Slept for 7 uninterrupted hours on Thursday night, for the first time since starting Tapoxyfen! Wow! Didn't really compensate for spending all previous night vomiting though.....or having to leap out of bed, literally every hour, last night with cramp in one or both of my legs AND feet. OUCHY!! 😞

On CBA bench today, knitting a santa mug cosy. As you do?!

[Ali_H]

Lol, blue tits and strange diets and doggies with a more active social calendar than me, fabulous! I've discovered something new this week, boxercise at my gym. Basically you put a pair of bright pink boxing gloves on and bash hell out of aggression, anxiety, stress, worry, guilt.... Bloomin fabulous I can tell you 🙂 🙂

[katytc]

Aaaaaaaaah how lovely JCJ!

Or do we just call you "skinny" JCJ now?

What a girl will do to lose weight! Putting all those bugs into yourself and eating mouldy pork? Is it better than a diet? Am sooooooooooooo impressed by your ingenuity, well done! xx

[JCJ]

Oooh! Exciting news! (Well I think it is! It's cheered me up! :)) we have a blue tit (I think. Camera on infra red so it's a black and white image!) roosting in our camera box again! Found myself tiptoeing around the kitchen (box is on outside wall of kitchen) to avoid waking him up! 🙂

[JCJ]

Phew! These letters are sooo scary aren't they?

Baldy and Bossy? love it! 🙂

Update on the sickness: Feeling much better today but still no appetite. Went back to school to discover that 26 children and 2 staff were away with sickness yesterday (there are only about 120 kids and 10 staff in the whole school!!) some of whom had it last time too......  So maybe it wasn't the pork after all (though I'm sure it didn't help!) It has certainly made me stop worrying that it's BC/meds related! 🙂

I should be as thin as a rake after all these bugs??.....fat chance! 😛

[katytc]

You were just wanting us all to read from the start, grumpy.............

So pretty ASBO boy and bossy Duchess!

Almost had a turn there, just came back home from town, hospital letter waiting, lots of trembly hands saw the words appointment Oncology, massive hot flush, sat down read letter properly......................cancellation of one appt and another made! whew!!!

Who says waiting doesn't affect you then??????????? You've got to laugh xx

[grumpy]

Sorry don't know what happened there......

[grumpy]

Joey had his cut and blow last week and is now Baldy Dog, Meg is having therapy to remove the notion that SHE is pack leader BUT they have both learnt to use the petdoor. Hurray - no danger of puddles now!!!

grumpy

---

@katytc wrote:

Hi everyone,
Have read a couple of threads on here that have made me angry today, maybe the tamoxifen?? First being that people would pretend to have cancer on this forum and another, people spying on very personal statements and heartfelt private stories, as someone else said why don’t they just ask? Made me feel sick that some people now on here feel they have to edit their feelings, how very, very sad, as I have felt relaxed and comforted by the comments I have received over the last few months.
The next rant is feelings of guilt or being made to feel guilty because you have not received chemo or not received rads, or not had a mx or had no node involvement etc. What everyone has to realise is that we all have bc . We didn’t want it, there are no feelings of superiority and we all just want to help and support one another certainly not judge or belittle others.
My friend told me a story today about two women who both had bc, one had a small tumour had a lumpectomy, rads and tamoxifen no node involvement, the other lady had a large tumour removed chemo, rads , lymph nodes removed (cancer 18/24), first lady was congratulated regarding being cured and second lady received great sympathy, turns out first lady is now terminal and second lady is living live to the full.
I think that story puts things in prospective, we all matter.

---

[katytc]

Nooooooooooooooooo JCJ, eating out of date pork????????????? Yuck, yuck, no wonder tummy was dodgy!

What a price for glasses, so expensive!

This "arfur" malarkey is not good, hope it calms down with your painkillers soon, FF.

No advice for you Ali, hope you are sitting comfortably now.............

So it wasn't them.................H & D.................are you sure? xx

[foxyferret]

I think the only thing you need to worry about JCJ is a possible loss of marbles!   A dodgy smelling, two day out of date pork sandwich?  Sorry that you have been ill but I would definitely blame the sandwich.

TWO pairs of specs for £400??  Feel as if I've got a bargain now!

Hump and Dink are mightily peeved that we could even THINK that they could have had anything to do with the vandalism of Eric. In fact they've got the right hump!  Sorry, I'll go now.

[JCJ]

You did well (ish) getting 3 pairs for just under £400, FF, I paid that for TWO! 

Moan away, all you like! Arthritis is a pain in the a**e (especially in your case? :p) 

I'm on the "should I worry?" bench. Spent all night throwing up.....again! 😞 That's 3 times in as many months, and I've normally/used to have such a strong constitution! Having to have the day off work again......it was a Thursday last time, 3 weeks ago!

I do feel a bit better now though, and I'm not in the pain I was the last twice I had "the bug" (?), so I'm thinking (trying to convince myself?) that this time it's due to the dodgy smelling pork sandwich I shoved down my neck in a hurry yesterday lunchtime. "The pork's only a couple of days out of date. It's been in the fridge. It'll be fine!" In days of old - before BC (and stomach weakened by strong anti-inflamms? - REACT trial) I probably would have got away with it. Won't make that mistake again!

I'm glad H & D have a rock solid alibi - I really didn't want it to have been them. They are temperamental and mischievous but not evil minded?! 🙂

[foxyferret]

Ah, so Hump and Dink have an alibi.  Thank goodness for that.

Had my eyes tested yesterday and had to sit down on a bench quickly.  It was the " I've just paid HOW MUCH for three pairs of new glasses?" bench.  Dearie me, just short of £400 for distance glasses, sunglasses (to replace the ones that were stolen, yes stolen, in August) and a pair to be able to read music. Varifocals were discussed but not felt to be appropriate for me.

Just got back from the Drs. today and it's official, I am falling apart!  Arthritis in right hip and base of spine. Advice is to keep taking the painkillers. As my back book says "get on with it" I will but I reserve the right to moan about it frequently!

[Ali_H]

Did anyone watch Brian Cox on tv last night in his new series? Camel racing, did they look familiar to you....?
I'm on the sitting gingerly on a well padded bench, piles...what a pain in the derrière they are. Any tips?

[JCJ]

Putting some chocolate and mincemeat (brewed nicely with plenty of brandy since last year.....hic!!) puddings and a large quantity of tea near the jittery bench for you, Katy. I know the feeling. I hope postie delivers the "NORMAL" letter soon. 

Glad you can get something othet than sandals on now.....a bit flippin cold for that?? Hopefully, if the swelling's going down, it should start to feel less ouchy soon?

I fetched my tapoxyfen (heehee predictive text puts that in for me now! :)) prescription yesterday - automatic repeat at chemist every 4 weeks even though 30 tabs in a box - so I'm beginning to stockpile them. Haven't finished last but one box yet!! Teva again, but I don't know if that's a problem because I've not started the last one yet!

Collapsed on the K******d bench. Long day. Difficult kids and too many things to do in too little time. 😞 OH out tonight though, so I can recover in peace! 🙂

[katytc]

Jumping between the "CBA" and "jittery" benches, every time the postie comes my stomach flips, need confirmation I am NORMAL!

Have a pair of ankle boots I can now wear woo hoo!! Thank goodness bit chilly for sandals haha! Toe is still ouchy? Can you believe it?

Where are H & D? What's going on? Does anyone know? xx

[katytc]

Oh noooooooooooooooo, what's going on???

Has anyone seen H & D?? things are looking mighty suspicious....................

Seemingly a MAN has been arrested but authorities would not say a camel was arrested, would they?

Remember first MMU? H & D did hang around Eric a lot, oh dear! xx

Psssssssssst Rita'll know..................

[JCJ]

Unless the thieves *were* hump and dink???? Wouldn't put it past them? We all know how Dink doesn't like to be upstaged by ANYONE!? Do you think they coulkd have managed a saw?? Did anyone check for hoof prints?

[grumpy]

Put Hump and Dink on to the case - they will catch the criminal and trample him into the sand!!!!

grumpy and annoyed

[JCJ]

Nooooooo! Somebody tried ti steal our friend Eric (not the puppy)

http://www.lancasterguardian.co.uk/news/local/outrage-after-bid-to-steal-eric-morecambe-statue-1-689...

[katytc]

Aaaaaaah well JCJ at least you will enjoy your travels, hotel staying and all that malarkey and you have enough food hee hee! If not just ransack the shed, seems to replenish itself daily.

Stayed in for 3 days, out for 2, stupid little toe is now throbbing, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! xx

[JCJ]

I'm on the thrift bench for the rest of the month. 😞 Spent a ludicrous amount of money yesterday. Sainsbury's (other.......) 3-weekly shop; booked hotel in Norwich for a couiple of nights in half term (not our favourite as it was full, so had to pay a bit more and go elsewhere); return train fare for myself and OH, AND I ordered a new mobile phone as I'm sick of mine constantly whining that it's memory is full. That was all OK, until I realised it's still the FIRST week of the month and I have a car service & MOT to pay for before next pay day too. Ooops!! 

[katytc]

Whoops NORMAL says who???? xx

[katytc]

Well, well, well she says tears smarting from her poor wee eyes, gee golly whizz that WAS ouchy, left side no problem, right front squish horrific right side squish fine.......................had to come home and have a big bar of chocolate best way to recover!

No first mammo is 18 months after diagnosis, then yearly for the 3 years left, seemingly I have not had one for 2 years??? I thought I had one last year, shows my marbles have really gone...................

On the "bad behaviour" bench have bought another pair of shoes at this rate will have to have a word with Mr Futon cause will soon have NO space left. The worst of it is that I can't wear any shoes just now and am still wearing my sandals, only 4 weeks to go hahaha! It's b***** freezing xx

[JCJ]

Are you not having annual mammos for 5 years, Katy? I think that's the standard here. I'm having them for 10, I think, due to REACT trial.

I'll keep everything crossed for a speedy NORMAL announcement (normal???? Is this the same Katy we know and love???? Hehehehe)

[katytc]

Love Gerald hee hee!!

On the "jittery" bench, mammo tomorrow, amazing how it still gets to you!

Think this is my last and will be back with the mobile unit thereafter, so you worry when you have one then you worry when you won't have another for 3 years, you can't win................xx

[JCJ]

I think Gerald is babsitting!

[katytc]

Pssssssssssssssssssst who's babysitting Humperdinkle? xx

[JCJ]

We all know how Dink likes to be the centre of attention! She probably gate crashed the filming of the advert and they kept her in. Hump will be harrumphing somewhere in the background..... Or eating the camera/cameraman's hat?? 🙂

Raining. Oh dear. Will have to stay in my nightie on the CBA bench. Shame?! 😛

[grumpy]

They can't split up, they've got a little Humperdinkle!!! Judge Judy would blast them to the floor for being selfish and stoopid.

Perhaps she is doing it  (acting....) just for the money, times being hard and all that!

oh dear

grumpy

[katytc]

FF, that sounds awful, naughty children, put your feet up or be a little crafty!

Pssssst just lots of sweets and choc!

WHAT'S GOING ON???? Have seen the ad, have they split up? She was looking particularly flirty...............

Oh me oh my where's the glitterberry juice? xx

[Ali_H]

Foxy, I'm afraid it is.........................

[foxyferret]

Forgot to ask.........has anyone seen that tv ad for a certain dating agency with the man and a camel?

It can't be..........can it?  Surely not.......no..... it's not.......is it??????

[foxyferret]

Awww, come on Katy, I'm all curious now, what have you just eaten?  You can tell us......we won't put it on the internet, honest!

Great news about the expected grandson, break out the train sets and cars,and put away the dolls! 

All my family are donors JCJ, maybe one of them will match your sister, who knows?  I hope a match is found for her soon.

I am most definitely on the cream crackered bench tonight.  Don't know what had got into the younger children at lunch time today, nearly all of them being silly and telling tales on each other and being far too noisy.  I ended up having stern words with them.  Then the older children were lining up for their dinner and one of the boy's started to have a nosebleed.  It was pouring blood all down his shirt, tie, hands, floor, everywhere.  I've never seen anything like it. Sorted him out, passed him over to his teacher and then came back to find a small riot going on!  Most unlike the older children, I can usually depend on them to behave themselves.  I had stern words with them too.

Thank goodness it's Friday and I can have two days off to recharge the batteries.

Have a good weekend everyone!

[katytc]

Aaaaaaaah JCJ, let's hope she has good news soon, the wait must be awful.

Maybe broken but probably tissue damage, 6 weeks healing???? How annoying! Just as well I have my chariot hee hee.

Well, still on the "stuffing my face" bench, can't tell you what I've just eaten! xx

[JCJ]

Tut tut, Katy you'd better go and sit on the Stuffing My Face bench! Shove up, because I need to join you. A chocolate coated wafer biscuit (supermarket version of the one that sounds like a cat you make from a kit!!) jumped out of the fridge when I went to get the milk for my mugatea *innocent face*.

My sister is still struggling on. She gets tired very easily and has poor concentration due to her myelofibrosis  (I must remember to send her the link about Spoon Theory!) She is still waiting for a bone marrow donor - they decided our brother was probably too old - I don't know whether he was even a match (1 in 4 chance). She's got herself a new laptop and new undies and nighties ready for the call to hospital, but it could be ages, or it could be any day. All very scary. She will be in hospital for months as the treatment will leave her with no immune system whatsoever. 😞

Please nag your family and friends to join the bone marrow donor register (if they want to! Apparently, it's an easy, painless procedure to donate - not much more onerous than giving blood. No nasty operation involved any more!) The sooner they find M a donor, the better her chance of avoiding leukaemia! I'm still annoyed that I can't do it due to BC. 😞 All those years of giving blood, and now when it's a family member, I can't help.

Hope doc has sorted your toe, though I don't suppose there's much he can do other rhan send you for x-ray and poss physio?? 

[katytc]

Nope not a clue JCJ!

How is your sister?

Have given in and am off to docs today toe is sooooooooooo ouchy....................grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Just eaten my egg mayo roll, crisps and a huge choc bar, bad behaviour, I know but I don't care hee hee xx

[JCJ]

🙂 😄 Katy. (After initial worry that yoy meant CSL by "Blue"!! Phew thank goodness it wasn't bad news?!) 

A boy eh? Will you know what to do with him? 🙂

[katytc]

Am on the "BLUE" bench, woo hoo, can't believe it, first boy in the family for over 50 years???

Have to sit down quickly am all giddy haha xx

[Ali_H]

So that's why I got Relon last time after getting Wockhardt since first prescription....
Son back at uni with Pppppeter Ppppenguin, who has been much admired 🙂

[katytc]

sticky peary things yum yum!

Struggled for about an hour using those sticky tape things for picture gave up in utter disgust and now have 4 pins holding said picture ta ra, sooooooooooooo a much happier bunny should have just done that in the first place!

Went down to chemist and we went through list of ingredients Relon and others, Generic had the least similarities so Generic it is, woo hoo hopefully! Seemingly Britain has been selling ta"poxy"fen and other meds abroad that's why there's no Wockhardt, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, are we just selling everything?

Lido better this time but oh soooooooooo tired, yawn.

Well done JCJ, you're a star indeed xx

Signed too.

[JCJ]

PS Will it be pink or blue, Katy?? We await with baited breath - or should that be bated? Haven't attached maggots or bits of bacon to our breath? 

[JCJ]

I have signed the petition, grumpy. It's disgusting that ANY health research can be patented. I know companies need to make money in a capitalist world but......... 

Glad your pain has been sorted. WEEE HOOOO!

How's your lido performing, Katy? Any luck? It's interesting you can't get Wockhart - that's probably why I had Relon this time. I've never noticed (grabs wooden desk hastily) any difference between the brands so I'm not too worried.

My stomach is settling down a bit now. Still not back to full appetite but the cramping has almost stopped, and I've been much less burpy today! (Phew! It's SO hard not to start thinking of all the things that *could* be wrong due to BC or Ta'poxy'fen or anti-inflammatories!)

Had a meeting with my HT this morning. The new school website, which I have been working on, (only 'populating' the pages - nothing complicated like web design/programming involved!!) is nearly ready and we have decided that the grand launch will be on Friday. Da Dah! I have accumulated a vast stock of Brownie points (pity not actual chocolate brownies?? ) and 4 1/2 hours overtime pay (wow! that's a first!!) It's nice to be appreciated for once?!

Yesterday, I used up the manky pears left over in school, and made some of my ledgendary chocolate pear cake. Colleagues snaffled most of it today, but I've put some in the shed. Prepare for sticky fingers - they're deliciously gooey!  

[katytc]

Also on the "excited" bench, ED et al will find out hopefully tomorrow (if baby behaves) whether it's a boy or girl....................feeling all giddy with joy and excitement xx

[katytc]

That is scary grumpy, everything is always about money. Fabulous your joint pain is under control, woo hoo!!

Kay, that's a list.......................was also tested for rheumatoid but was osteo and nerve issues from spine, fingers crossed you have NOTHING.

Cannot get Wockhardt from any wholesaler so have been offered Teva or a Generic, have to go down today so will just take whichever one that does not have the same ingredients as Relon, whew!

B***** picture fell down again last night taking half the paint off the wall, off to sit on the "still grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" bench xx

[grumpy]

Good morning all

A friend has sent me a link to an Australian organisation which campaigns on many issues. One of their current issues is a multinational trying to get a patent on the Breast cancer gene. The consequence of this would be that NO OTHER company could research or develop treatments.......that is scary. 

The website is SumOfUs.org where you can sign the worldwide petition.

Update on painful joints - pain relief last thing at night has got the problem sorted - HURRAY!!!!

Grumpy

[Kayteeb53]

Hi all, glad the toe is improving Katy and the bug is being beaten JCJ. Foxy sounds like you set up for winter hibernation. Have been asked to show the children in my GS class knitting - it's part of their heritage study.
Well, I saved up my 'illnesses' and popped along to the doc. In truth my IBS has been getting worse and I am getting paranoid about what I can eat. Has given me new tabs to take daily, and tabs for the cramps, and tabs for the D - shall rattle soon. Spoke about my multiple joint pains and he now concerned that it might be rheumatoid arthritis, so off for a barrage of blood tests. That was it, was only allowed to talk about 2 things so my other symptoms will have to wait until I can be bothered to go again. Nurse on Thursday for typhoid and flu vaccine - had polio and diphtheria boosters last week - did you know they don't give them on sugar cubes anymore - pfft!

[katytc]

You're a right "crafty" lot hee hee!!

Glad you are a little on the mend JCJ.

FF booklet sounds a little HARSH!!

Toe is still ouchy but swelling is def going down, am wearing sandals cause shoes won't fit so my poor wee feet are a bit chilly haha!

Bought Mother a pair of shoes for her birthday (the "warmer" make) she tried them on all ok a couple of days ago she says think I'll cut a hole in them cause they're rubbing my toe grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, felt a bit mad then I thought well if that makes her happy so be it!

Was just sitting quietly this morning when there was an almighty crash, the picture behind my sofa went crashing to the ground, another grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, good job it's a canvas will have to wait till ED and partner come along so we can rehang, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Oh yes and went down yesterday to pick up my ta"poxy"fen (Wockhardt) for the third time in a week, NONE, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, take last one tonight, soooooooooooooooo am only left with the choice of Relon which makes me sick.............................Happy Days indeed xx

[foxyferret]

At risk of sounding like an echo... 8 hours?  Good grief!  Hope it does what it is supposed to do after that!  Hope the toe is mending too.

Glad you are feeling a little better JCJ, stomach bugs are horrible, horrible things. And, yes, you must have felt rough to leave choccy digestives alone!  All credit for going into school.

I have been to the Craft Fair today ( can't believe it is a year since last time)!  I went with my daughter-in-law and managed to restrain her from spending a small fortune.  Unfortunately she failed to restrain me (in fact, she egged me on) and I have come home with a new craft lamp, four cross stitch kits, many coloured threads and various other items.  Spending the children's inheritance again

Went to physiotherapy for my back on Thursday. Got some exercises to do which hopefully will help.  Physio lady gave me a booklet entitled The Back Book and it made me laugh.  It is 21 pages long, full of  advice and all boiled down to a nutshell it says.........." So, you've got backache.............hard luck...........stop moaning and get on with it!"

Walking and swimming are apparently the best things you can do for your back so I think I shall see if my costume still fits and go and get wet!  Not the world's best swimmer but if it helps........

Time to sit down now on the watching tv bench.

[JCJ]

8 hours!? But it's better than having a headache? And it's 8 hours you don't have to do anything?! 😛 Ask them to hook you up to the lido at the CBA bench next time? You know you're comfy there, and we could keep you company! 🙂

I hope it works this time and doesn't make you ouchy.  

I'm still full of wind and my appetite has gone AWOL, but I think I'm mending slowly.