stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[katytc]

Aaaaaaaaaah grumpy, how sad hopefully meds will keep The Duchess in good stead, fingers crossed, big, hugs to you, good luck for Mon xx

[grumpy]

Sadly it's not fixable, it's neurological, but vet promises me he can keep her comfortable because generally it's not a painful condition, and he WILL tell me when it's time for the Big Decision.

She's well in herself, but can't manage stairs/jumping in and out of the car, and has to stand still while she untangles her back legs every so often. The medicine should make some improvement, so as long it's just pottering walks she will still enjoy herself.

And to cap it all, I've got clinic appt on Monday!!! but we shall still try for a stroll along the prom in Morecambe afterwards.

grumpy - and gutted........

[JCJ]

Hugs to Grumpy and Meg. Fingers crossed it's something they can fix (without too much expense) xx

[grumpy]

Had some grim news today. My darling Meg has mobility problems, and it doesn't look good.

Trip to vet tomorrow, and maybe referral to vet hospital for MRI scan. So I won't be having holidays or changing the car......

I shall give her the best possible treatment.

Grumpy

[katytc]

Aaaaaaah JCJ, everything is happening to you at the moment!

On the positive fab that blood tests were fine and you will soon have a beautiful kitchen.

Does gall bladder cause wind??

Drink lots of hot water.

Also good that scan will be quick, fingers and toes still crossed for good news.

FF hopefully "see" you soon!

Bottom firmly perched on the "whoooooooooosh" bench, flushes have been fine odd ones here and there, nothing to moan about but gee whiz have had about 7 already today, all biggies, yuck xx

[JCJ]

Well, after an extremely stressful day - could have done without the 1/2" of snow that fell last night and then froze solid - I'm not much further forward after my doc appointment. 😞  He said the blood tests were fine, just a possible slightly underactive thyroid - "possibly caused by a virus" (and I did go when I was off work with a "stomach bug"!) Recommended more blood tests in 2 months to monitor it.

As to the US scan: I read some of the report on his screen and it said " scans were difficult due to excessive intestinal gasses" (I TOLD you I had trapped wind!!) As to the strange patch on the liver, he suggested CT scans "to put our minds at rest" (he said that about the US scan! 😞 ) when I asked how long that was likely to be, as the anxiety caused by the waiting makes my stomach problems worse, he said he will mark it urgent, so it will be in the next 2 weeks. He was very reassuring and said it's very unlikely to be liver mets and that if they thought it WAS that, I' d have been contacted, personally, much sooner, for follow-up tests. I'll try to take comfort from that whilst  I huddle back in the waiting room!  He did say we won't concern ourselves with the gallstones until we've found out what else is going on. Bit worrying? 3rd Annual surgeon appointment on Monday and annual mammo will no doubt be booked while I am at the hospital then. 

Got back home to a completely gutted kitchen. Fridge in sitting room. Freezer in garage. No sink. Also there were several holiday brochures and I STILL can't book our Easter holiday cottage until I know what I'm facing. Grrrr!

Uncomfortably full of wind and extremely tired. Going to tether myself to one of the benches so I don't float away.

[foxyferret]

I am sneakily on a computer at work which someone has left on.  I have no internet connection at home.  My router has died so I am in the process of switching to a new provider, getting new router etc.  Do not know yet when I will be reconnected.  So you may not hear from me for a while ( can't guarantee comp. will be left on again!)

Hope everything ok JCJ have fingers crossed.  Hope the rest of you are not too snowed in. Not a flake round here.  Ali, glad you are still NED.

Back as soon as possible.

[katytc]

Woo hoo Ali, great news!

Have had acupunture for my spine and legs before and can assure you its not painful at all, would be very interesting to see how much of a help it would be!! Honestly it doesn't hurt.

JCJ, Todays the day, woo hoo, love your before and middle pictures!!

We had lots more snow, chariot pushing a nightmare, had to have a lie down..............and then had to eat a hot scone, raspberry jam and slurp a muggatea xx

[Ali_H]

Just had my annual surgery check up in the breast care unit (oncology check up in the summer too). Still NED!! 🙂 The lovely practitioner I saw today has suggested I try homeothapy for the tam flushes and maybe some of the other SEs, she's referred me for an appointment in a couple of weeks. Has anyone else tried this? She suggested acupuncture too but I'm not so keen on that (wuss)

[Ali_H]

JCJ new kitchen will be fabulous. Deep breath, relax, it'll all be ok (my mantra!)

[JCJ]

Apologies for previous rant. Been fed now. 🙂 Sausage, egg and chips made by OH. Last meal on the old cooker! (Slinks away from MOHIAB bench shamefacedly!

kitchen before

stripped out ready for fitters

[JCJ]

They are warning of snow here overnight! That's  ALL I ******* need! Such a long, hectic day, today, including running the after school club for 2 1/2 hours because my colleague, who normally does it, had a hospital appointment.

Get home to find OH has organised 2 huge old speakers to put in the new kitchen so he can listen to his radio (from the lounge) whilst washing up. I'm fuming on the FF bench! They'd better be well hidden without taking up cupboard space or spoiling my beautiful, expensive, new kitchen!! 😞 And I'm not looking forward to having to put up with his choice of programme booming out in BOTH the downstairs rooms.  Grrrrrr! Second thoughts, I think I'll move to the MOHIAB bench! As if I'm not stressed enough this week?!  

[katytc]

Oh me oh my have just had a blizzard here.............................

Will have to run out cause have stuff to do, can I push my chariot, who knows???

Shower sorted, nothing needed fixed, just an alteration in the pressure, woo hoo can use MY shower again, instead of YD's, bliss xx

[grumpy]

JCJ I think you should have meals out OR sarnies and soup only, while the kitchen is done - after all the family will get plenty of lovely home cooked food once the job is done.

It's flipping cold here, snow on fells, bitter wind, then constant rain and flooded roads. Still, it keeps the lakes filled up.

Will try to get piccies of dogs in macs to show you all.

Joey wears Deep Purple with fleece lining, Meg wears red, no lining, with ironic go-faster stripes.

Going to make beef stew in slow cooker now.

grumpy

[katytc]

Busy, busy JCJ, prob best thing for you at the moment, interrupts the mind games, hope your foot is better today.

Well, well am firmly on the "reinforced FB's" bench...............indian Fri, chippie Sat, out for a meal Sun, oh dreary me, enjoyed them all hee hee xx

[JCJ]

Busy packing up the kitchen ready for Wednesday - busy week ahead so I'm unlikely to have time, or energy, after work. If I was as organised as I'm pretending to be, I'd have planned Mon & Tues meals so I'd know what to leave out! 

Trying not to think about the other thing that's happening on Wed - or next Monday! - to avoid the Jittery bench. Not being very successful there. 

My foot hurts today, too - feels like I've bruised the middle of it somehow, so I'm having to rest it as much as poss - in between carting boxes of c**p from the kitchen upstairs! 😞

[katytc]

Just realised forgot the cucumber..........................teabags then?? xx

[katytc]

Oh my golly gosh!!! Am loving them already..................Afternoon Tea without the tiara?? Can do that!

Guess what? Bag was there, so it came home with me, half price, woo hoo!!

Jumped into the shower this morning and thought "this is a bit chilly" brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr checked the sink and that was chilly too! Was only the water in the bathroom, so something to do with the thermostat, coming hopefully to fix on Tues, will have to use YD's shower can't DO tepid....... 

Couple of years ago had a bone scan (not through onc) and results were due on blah date, letter arrived from onc changing appointment to 1 hour after scan results, felt soooooooooooooooo sick JCJ, all turned out well and it was just one of those things, took a while to calm down though!! Hopefully yours will be the same, big hugs xx

[JCJ]

Slightly horrified to have just seen the latest thing we must all wear in the name of fashion:

In my local accessories shop (not the one with a similar name - cheap version). An item that looks and feels like a hard plastic Alice Band - you know, that you wear on your head with, or without reindeer antlers/teeny boppers/etc attached - but claiming to be a g-string giving "no VPL". I'll bet it does give a VPL - where the P stands for PAIN!!?

I bought several, in assorted colours/patterns, for the next MMU 😛

[foxyferret]

Would that be camouflage nitting??

Glad your car is fixed JCJ.  Not often that a repair bill is less than expected!   How about ........don't tell work that your appt. has changed and still have the afternoon of the 26th off?!  No, I couldn't do that either but the thought is enticing

Hope the handbag is still there Katy.

Daughter's family have all come down with various bugs and colds.  I haven't seen any of them since Saturday and I will keep away until all germs have gone.  I don't want either another cold or a stomach bug thank you.

Friday tomorrow....................and five weeks to half term............not that I'm counting !

[JCJ]

PS. Enough handbags??? Don't be silly! 😄

[JCJ]

Cucumber's supposeds to be good for refreshing tired eyes. Or used tea bags. But don't forget to take them off before you go out. Not a good look? 😛

I agree hospital letters need camouflaging. Came home to one today! Nooooo! Breathe. Don't cry. No you DON'T need to be sick... It was only bringing forward my annual check up from 26th to 19th. Now it's at 4pm so I won't miss the afternoon (shucks! Was quite pleased about missing half a BORING training day on 26th!) Phew! :). Hang on!! Brain goes in to overdrive..... Why are they bringing it forward? What do they know.....???? Arggh back to panic mode. 

Kitchen starts next Wednesday - same day as my GP appointment! - for 10 days to 2 weeks. Fitter and electrician have both been to check out the job/leave a quote(electrician) *gulp*!!

[katytc]

Whew good news about car!!

Looks also good about "routine" appointment!!

Would it be possible to also knit a covering for those hospital letters please?

When does your kitchen start?

Saw a pretty handbag in the sale, pondered over it for a while as I have enough handbags BUT if it's still there tomorrow am gonna get it.......................

Anyone have an idea for puffy tired looking eyes? Something that doesn't cost a fortune but is good.

Spent the morning getting rid of Santa hair and even waxed my moustache, so off to the supermarket soon with a red and blotchy look. xx

[JCJ]

Good news they're letting you continue with the lido, katy! 🙂 Even if it is a pain (literally?!) that you have to wait.

My car is back. Fixed. The garage said it wasn't necessary to do both sides and only fixed the side that had broken. It cost less than RAC man predicted too, AND it appears I'm not going to be charged for the "tow" to the garage (unless I get a bill later??) So I'm down a 'mere' £94 when I was expecting £300+ 😄

When I got home, the letter from the surgery was here. It said: "I have looked at your scan results and would like you to be seen in surgery. Please book a routine appointment within the next 7 to 14 days." That doesn't sound too urgent? Especially the "routine" bit?? 

I think we need to design camouflage netting for THOSE vans, FF! Perhaps I could knit some? 😛

Ooh! Talking of knitting: HT told me today, her daughter was so thrilled with the giraffe I knitted (HT bought it for her for Christmas, off my stall at the Christmas Fair) her mother also liked the snowman tea cosy (ditto) and has ordered 2 more!!  

[katytc]

Never rains but it pours, annoying or what?

Hopefully not cost too much, cars, grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Scones and raspberry jam in the shed for all................went to A supermarket this morning primarily to buy parmesan cheese they had NONE, massive store, is it so popular that there is a sell out??? grrrrrrrrrrrrrr dont think so, grrrrrrrrrrr!

Saw consultant and am continuing with the lido but it'll probably be weeks before it starts..............so off to sit on the "grrrrrrrrrrrrrr" bench whilst munching the scones xx

[JCJ]

I'm on the "What now???" Bench. I drove away from school and heard a horrible banging noise from the front wheel of my car. Pulled up at the roadside. Tried to move again gingerly. More loud noise. Got out. Nasty burning smell. Oh *%&%£!!! Thought about trying to drive the 6 miles, or so, to our repair garage, but decided not to risk it. Phoned RAC (other recovery services are......) and walked back to school to drink tea and eat cake while I waited.

Lovely man came within half an hour. Suspension arm snapped! Not reparable at roadside. They are going to tow it to our garage tomorrow morning, after picking up the key from me at work. We only have roadside cover, so I hate to think how much the tow'll cost (but he did say something about "within 10 miles" so maybe it's included? (who am I kidding??!)) Then there's the cost of the repair - over £300. Arrrghh! Just what I need now?? Especially with the expense of the new kitchen next week! Grrrr!

[katytc]

On the positive JCJ, if docs were worried about something untoward you would (you hope) be seen very quickly, fingers crossed.

Aaaah that van.......................because have now been signed off by surgeon I will be back to the van, not for another 3 years sooooooooooooo hopefully my tummy will not be twirly then......................(don't think so EVER FF)  know where you're coming from haha!!

Up at the hospital shortly my Lido review, have not had infusion since Nov and pains are creeping back, grrrrrrrrr, isn't pain funny you forget very quickly how intense it can be.

Am also off to get my haircut, have a mop on top of my head at the moment, not a pretty look xx

[foxyferret]

Sorry that you (and we!) are non the wiser JCJ.  Good plan to see the same GP, think I would have had the time off to see him a bit sooner though.  Each to their own eh!  Will keep fingers crossed for another week.

Went down to the supermarket today to get some milk.  Someone had told me that the  " ****** "  mammogram van was in the car park so I was expecting it.  What I wasn't expecting were the tears that occurred as I saw it and parked the car.  It just brought it all back so quickly.  I had to talk to myself sternly and tell myself that I am still here!  Like you JCJ, somehow I blame that van!  I have also realised that I will be using a different supermarket until it has gone.................how illogical is that?   Bet I get an appointment too!

Have made an appointment at the opticians today ,the new glasses that I got are not right so we are going to start again. I have been wearing the glasses that are two prescriptions ago as I can see better through those!

[JCJ]

Called in at surgery after training day at work. The receptionist says a letter has been sent to me asking me to make an appointment, with the (locum) doc who referred me, "sometime in the next 7 to 14 days". So I made an appointment for next Wed at 5pm. Another week of waiting! 😞  I could have had an appointment sooner if I'd seen someone else, or gone in school time, but I'd prefer to see the same doc as he was so supportive, and I don't want to take any tine off work until I have to - (for CT scan if required and annual check up in 3 weeks time!)

My first thoughts were panic at the fact doc wants to see me - assumed he agrees CT scan required, but then I thought he'd probably want to discuss the " juicy gallstone " anyway, so it's back to the waiting room non the wiser!  At least I've brought things forward by preempting the letter?!  I hope I have some more info before I see the surgeon on 26th. Hey ho! What a c**p disease this is! 😞

Grumpy, at least ASBO Joey waited until you put the tree outside before he wee'd on it?? 🙂

Kay, Christmas must have been hard for your family. I hope things improve soon. Hugs.

[Kayteeb53]

Happy New Year to you all, hope your Christmases went well.
Thank you for all your kind wishes,
K x

[grumpy]

Oh bliss - done all the visiting, and put my visitors on the train at lunchtime. So now it's just me and the dogs for the first time in 2 weeks. Just one more party on 12th Night, then I can hibernate for a few days.....

Hope everyone has had a lovely time, even if it is exhausting.

Grumpy

PS I will NOT be having a real tree ever, ever again, had to comb Meg for ages to get the needles out of her fur, and Joey wee'd on the tree when I got it outside - revenge of the ASBO Boy!!!

[katytc]

Reasonably quiet yesterday, did go out and was again drenched, I pick the right times!

Came back home had a leisurely tea and faffed around UNTIL YD phoned in a complete panic, she was staying at a friends home (friend in America) and locked herself and her other friends out, a frantic 2 hours spent phoning around for locksmiths on New Years Day??, eventually managed to get one and they were safely back in the house 4 hours after it all started grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

ED was dehydrated (midwife visit) everything else all ok, no wonder she looked yucky!

Good news bought a new pair of boots with my Xmas money, woo hoo!!

Hope everyone is fine, especially thinking of and sending hugs to JCJ and Kay xx

[katytc]

Happy Birthday grumpy, woo hoo, balloons on benches and huge birthday cake in the shed!

Happy New Year to you all!

All quiet here, going out in a little while, pouring with rain, oh dreary me, hee hee xx

[Ali_H]

Happy birthday grumpy x
And happy new year to all Benchies and techies, may it be full of good health and laughter 🙂

[JCJ]

Happy Birthday Grumpy! They seem to be letting off fireworks here in your honour?! There's been far more than 67 of them though so it's not one for each year! 😛

All the best for 2015 everyone! (That's not a date, it's a time: 1/4 past 8??!)

I've put wine and nibbles in the cupboard under the stairs - hope the techies found them? 🙂 x

[Lucy_BCC]

Thanks Foxyferet
Many thanks for all of your new year wishes and thanks, from all of us at BCC 'Here's to a healthy and happy 2015 to all of you', you are amazingly supportive to each other and it is an honour to be a small part of your breast cancer journey

Take care all

[foxyferret]

Haven't read anything for two days and have only got to page 16 of Stephen Fry.  Will post a review when I have finished it JCJ but don't hold your breath.  I am hoping that it is better than his last one which greatly annoyed me with his "poor me" attitude!!!  Please remember what your GP said, that just sounds so right to me.  <<<hugs>>> and chocolate in the lost plottery shed for you.

While I'm in the shed I'll have some of that Xmas cake.  I went shopping today with daughter and eldest grandaughter.......big mistake...... just got walked off my feet following them around and not going into any shop that interested me Got a cup of tea and a very large muffin out of it though

Dinner at my son's house tomorrow.  Home alone tonight, probably in bed by 11 with a muggachoc.  Such an exciting life I lead!

Happy New Year to you all............................and to the techies and mods who enable us to communicate with and support each other.

[grumpy]

I've just realised that in 6 hours time I shall be (whisper) 67 years old!!!! AND I am still here!!!

Down to the pub to celebrate after tea - visitors on kitchen duty, yippee.................

HURRAY.

Happy New Year to us all, we've done good this year.

Grumpy

[katytc]

When you are waiting and wobbling the last things you want to see are those ads JCJ, on the positive side, you would have hopefully heard re blood tests by now even allowing for hols if there was anything untoward, fingers and toes crossed and HUGE hugs to you xx

A "wee" tear came to my eyes as I was sauntering through town, the bagpipes were playing aaah do they not pull at the old Scottish heart strings????

Not too fond of Xmas cake but if you have any mince pies left I will gratefully munch them tee hee!!

Am reading Abattoir Blues and jigsaw is a quiet night in by HOP, the ones with the funny shaped pieces xx

[JCJ]

Decidedly wobbly today. 😞

We went to see a film last night, as it was described in the Grudian (sp intentional!) as "The funniest film of the Year". We thought it would be a good distraction for me. It wasn't!  Prior to the film, both the Macmillan and Cancer Research ads were shown. Very important, and hopefully they will have inspired somebody to donate to these wonderful causes, but NOT what I needed at that particular time?  Then the film was dire. I hate to imagine what other films the grudian critic had seen, if that was the funiest!! I don't think I laughed once and neither did OH. I cringed a lot and even shut my eyes for quite a while! *Just* managed not to walk out in the middle. 😞

OK, you win some, you lose some. Home to read my funny book: Ben Hatch, The P45 Diaries. Not terribly amusing, but it does pass the time. Oh no! Wait! What's this? His mother dies of secondary cancer to the liver. Oh FFS!! Is there NOWHERE I can escape these demons in my head??

Don't know whether to laugh or cry, so I'm doing both simultaneously. Just made a lasagne for dinner. Food therapy?! There's enough for 4, so I can freeze 2 portions for when the kitchen's out of action. We've now got  homemade turkey and ham pie, beef casserole and lasagne in the freezer. We should eat well, even without the kitchen, as long as the microwave keeps working! 🙂  I'll stock up the lost plottery shed while I'm at it.

Christmas cake anyone? x

[JCJ]

Blood tests were about 2 weeks ago, at hospital, but as requested by docs, the results will get sent to the surgery. I was told they'd contact me if there was any concern, or to phone after about a week if I 'd not heard anything, but I may as well wait now until the scan results are there - no point in making two separate appointments?! I jump every time the phone rings tho'!! 😐

[katytc]

Def best attitude to have JCJ, very difficult to stop the gremlins playing inside your head. When did you have blood tests? If it was at docs you could always give them a call.

Love the donkey!

Have finally managed to get laptop working, my GD was fiddling about and pressing lots of keys all at once so it was completely frozen grrrrrrrrrrr seemed to take ages........to fix!!

ED was looking awful yesterday, very pale and cheekbones very prominent has an appointment with midwife today xx

[JCJ]

Knitting therapy! 🙂

Donald the Donkey

[Jo_BCC]

On behalf of all at BCC, thank you JCJ for your kind words.

Jo, Moderator

[JCJ]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. And huge thanks to BCC for allowing us to continue supporting each other through this forum!

I feel calmer today. What will be will be, and worrying won't change anything (but WILL bring back the stomach problems!) I have no symptoms and have had a normal appetite (and some?? :)) over Christmas, so I'm holding on to the comment (locum) GP made that he's NEVER seen anyone with liver mets get better between bouts of stomach problems. Also, if the blood tests had identified anything alarming, I'd have been contacted by now??!

It's going to be a long week: the first time, EVER, I've wanted the 2nd week of the Christmas holiday to pass quickly, so I can see doc to discuss results and move on. The first day back at work is a Training Day, as luck would have it, at our sister primary school that is almost next door to my doc's surgery, so I'm going to call in after work and see if the scan results are back/make an appointment. Until then. I'm going to try not to think about it. (Yeh, right! As if??!)

FF, what do you think of the Stephen Fry autobiography? I have read his others and was going to get the latest - until I read the reviews, which were terrible, so I didn't bother. I'd trust your opinion more than those of "random strangers" though, so I'd be interested to know what you think.

[Ali_H]

JCJ how are you feelng today? X

[foxyferret]

More hugs coming from me JCJ.  I think Ali is spot on in what she said.  Keeping everything crossed for a celebration.  

Reading Stephen Fry's new autobiography and the jigsaw is a Victorian Christmas shopping scene.

Still freezing cold here but a dry sunny day. Done nothing, being very lazy

[katytc]

Big, big hugs JCJ, the waiting and the worrying............will keep my fingers and toes crossed for a celebration, bringing you some delicious iced mince pies and a huge muggatea.

FF enjoy your peaceful few days, what you reading and what jigsaw did you get?

Have played Zelda, PS vita, now doing late lunch with GD xx

[Ali_H]

JCJ do not panic. There are lots of things out there that are 1) not cancer and 2) easily treatable. Although having said that I understand and I'd probably panic too. No, don't panic. Breathe. Get some holiday brochures and choose where you're going to go to celebrate continued good health xx

[JCJ]

Back from hosp via the CSL bench. 😞

 US scan revealed that I have "a juicy gallstone, which will explain the acute stomach pain," but also "some areas on the liver that *look* like they may be cysts" but due to my history, need further investigation. Need to see GP for results "in about a week, but remember New Year will delay things". So I'm back in the scary waiting room.  Radiologist (?? - US scan person) said she will recommend a CT scan to further investigate. Breathe! Don't panic! OMG!!! 😞

Perhaps I won't do what I usually do between Christmas and New year; book our Easter holiday?! Best not tempt fate? Best wait and see what horrors, or, hopefully, celebrations await me?