66K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

13,540 REPLIES 13,540
katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oooh the beach sounds wonderful, enjoy your meal, glad dog is behaving haha.

And another oooh for next week, let's hope weather is good, great OH has some things organised, keep him busy, haha.

Eye test went fine, 2 new pairs of glasses, tiny change but I did notice a difference when she put new lenses in, a lot sharper. Bleph def confirmed, there are 2 types and I have them both, arrrrrgh, so have to keep using stuff forever, optician says I have a 50/50 chance of the redness calming down, will have to wait and see.

Left house early this morning so must tidy up soon, purchased 2 books and 2 jigsaws so am on the happy bench. 

GD here tomorrow, then a half day on Thurs, won't know what to do with myself?? 

Not sure am liking hair slightly longer, will give it a couple of weeks, then decide.

Cherry bakewells in the shed and of course the choc gingers, another muggatea then get up and get on xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just caught up with the camping trip. Woo hoo!  Hope weather improves for next week... 

 

I'll keep my eyes peeled for marbles...

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope the eyes get sorted OK today...

And that ES is OK 

We're enjoying the peace,  the view, the walks along the beach. Though I can't go very far with my breathlessness It's still lovely. Lots of reading. The added bonus is that small dog, who starts whining at 5-5.30 every morning is sleeping in till 7.7.30!  What a bonus!

OHs birthday tomorrow,  so nice meal out....

Hope you're weeks are OK xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Camping Tuesday 29th for 3 nights. Still on for Peak District. 😀 OH has arranged for (swimming) friend to visit on the Tuesday and drive him to swimming for 4pm. OH thought we were going Monday! But that'll be good because YD will still get to see her dad before we head off. She'll need a break having driven all the way over from Norwich, and I'll need to transfer her stuff to my car, but we can't hang around too long.

It's freezing here today. Longest day tomorrow and we nearly put the heating on this afternoon! Brrrr! It is NOT camping weather! It had better pick up before next week. (But it won't: YD & I almost always jinx the weather!!)

Chicken dinner in shed, with Lemon Swiss roll (local bakery), raspberries and raspberry sorbet for afters. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

And no..............have been thinking it's Sunday today, was loitering around the shed earlier haha.

Am still obviously on the hunt for the missing marbles.........xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thank you for mentally rooting hee hee, was on the edge of my seat. It's really not good for you haha.

When will your camping trip be? How long for? 

We had no rain here until late late evening yesterday, woo hoo. Went out with GS for a long walk, he was super good because last time they were here it took about an hour to walk less than 20 yards (keeps stopping and picking up sticks and stones) This time we were marching along haha, he kept close, stopped at the traffic lights, good boy! Plans changed and instead of oldest GS and GD staying over I only had youngest who wasn't meant to be here at all haha.  Due to leave soon. YD asked if I could come and stay at hers so that will be my holiday this year.

Will need to rest after this last week, just a bit hectic, prob be latter part of July.

Eyes are being done on Mon, since taking hayfever tablets eyes don't look as though I have been crying for days and days, so we will see what they say. Am paying extra for a super thorough exam, not available on the NHS. Only costs £10 but really think it should be for all..........Am due new glasses too arrrgh.

Fingers crossed for your son JCJ, you know he is safe and having the treatment and care he requires, hard to relax though but you will have lots of laughs with YD, what are you two like?? xx

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Saturday today, Katy, just in case you're still confused! 😜 At least the match last night was a draw so you're still willing to speak to us (not that I'm bothered about the football.... had to Google the result before coming on here! I was mentally rooting for Scotland for you! 😀)

I hope you got to your happy place safely, yesterday, Jane, despite the diabolical weather! At least you won't have been too hot in the car?! Have a lovely, peaceful, relaxing break.

My girls are off to a cottage near Eastbourne for a week. They'll be glad it's a bit cooler for the journey in their old, aircon-less car. Fingers crossed GD isn't sick all over everything!!

Count down to our camping trip has begun. I'm so excited whilst also feeling slightly apprehensive as it is 2 years since I've camped, don't know if my old bones will cope and we'll be in a tent neither of us knows as YD is borrowing it from a friend. We gave our massive tent (bought online whilst on a campsite in Anglesey after ours disintegrated) to them as theirs was too small with a baby, but it was a pain to dry and took up too much space in their car, with the baby/toddler paraphernalia so they sold it and are in the process of buying another.... and a bigger car!.... somewhat delayed by various lockdowns! I'm also feeling a bit guilty for looking forward to another holiday while ES is where he is: can't stop thinking about him and wishing there was something I could do. Once a mum, always a mum..... even if they don't want to be mothered?!!

Well, I need to get dressed and do some more wilderness taming; after all that rain yesterday, the weeds will be easier to pull up but I'll get pretty soggy trimming the hedges! I got soaked to the skin, twice, yesterday, fetching my tapoxyfen from the chemist in the morning and the chips for tea. Of course, it stopped raining by the time all I had to do was sit in the car and wait for OH while he swam! Typical! 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh my goodness for some crazy reason I thought it was Thursday....

So forget the woo hoo holiday until tomorrow evening.

Now on the hunt for the missing marbles.... xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Have been thinking about you all day, had no idea you had posted, looked at the time and thought I would check Benchland, arrrrrrrrgh.

Think it's great you managed a talk and he does understand that it's up to him and you can visit whenever he wishes, you will always be there for him without question.

Hope you managed to get hedges sorted haha. 

Jane, tomorrow woo hoo for you, have a fab holiday xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

So. After all that, I'm not going to visit ES today. His friend suggested, yesterday, that I check with ES first to see if he was OK with it. He has always wanted things on his own terms and even more so at the moment. As it's been years since we've seen each other, me suddenly showing up there might do more harm than good.... for both of us!! (I wonder if friend was being diplomatic and ES has said something to him about me/us!) Anyway, after several fraught attempts to speak to him on the phone, I finally got through and he said he "needs to work through some stuff first" and would rather I didn't go. As YD pointed out, at least it was "not now" rather than "never" which is something. He knows I care enough to arrange to go and I've said I'll try again in a week or two.... or he can ask me to visit anytime if he wants.

I'm a bit discombobulated now. I was so wound up ready to go (good job I hadn't booked trains?) and I'm a mixture of disappointment, sadness and, I have to admit, relief. I was worried about how it would go if he didn't want to see me.

Well, I suppose I should get on and do something. The garden went completely mad while we were away and both hedges need cutting, the lawns mowing and 6ft weeds need removing. I filled the green wheelie bin yesterday so had to stop (shame?!) but it's been emptied this morning so I've no excuse, especially as I'm now not going anywhere!

I'll just have another coffee first. No rush........ 😉

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Taking the lift is a great thing - asking for help needs grace, but I have learnt that people WANT to help, and often feel sad when we won't let them.  Therefore, by accepting help, you are giving a gift to the other person - really!!!  Hope the appointment goes well tomorrow and that the chat in the car is helpful.

Little people around so often must be exhausting!  Lovely, but kna****ering.  I presume that's the bench you are on?

Was someone playing football last night?  😉

Where are the sleep fairies?

BBQ being served tonight - steak, sausages, corn, new 'tatoes and salad.  Help yourself...

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

aaah well it didnt work face paint and lots of tartan...........optimism is the main word here always haha.

soooooooo pleased you are going by car, would have been an awful journey for you. fingers crossed its a positive visit tomorrow. its really hard to accept help but sometimes it is needed so its important for you to do so especially in this case, sending you big hugs x

oh goodness regarding bil a lot going on for you all.

jane, have a fabulously happy time. wonderful, a holiday haha.

yd and gs are here this morning sometime so last night went to bed early and could not get to sleep at all grrrrrrrrrr one of those nights..........

so its just me and gd at the moment and she is super grumpy, we are going to feed ducks soon, she is sitting on my knee while i am writing this, hence no capitals haha.

no sunshine here but its warm xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thank you, ladies, for your wise advice - as always. Having spent half the night convincing myself I was going to have a little adventure by train - actually get to use my railcard! - and visualising it all, I read your posts and decided to do something I always find difficult: accept help! Being fiercely independent is also one of ES's traits (it's genetic, I'm sure!) and perhaps I can make a point that sometimes it's OK - even sensible to get help; although he'll probably decide his friend and I are scheming behind his back! 🙄

Half hour visiting slot booked for 3:30 on Wed. Friend is coming to pick me up. Friend said he spoke to ES at the weekend and he was being difficult: more like his usual stroppy self than the recent paranoia (which is possibly a sign he's getting better?) so there's a chance he'll refuse to see me. Probably better that I won't have a 3 hours each way train journey if that happens! The car journey will give us chance to talk about how we might go about getting him out of hospital.

BIL is in hospital, on oxygen, with breathing difficulties. Not Covid, which was my first thought! When he fell he was unconscious for a while and they think he has lung damage. If they find he needs constant oxygen, he won't go home. 😕 Other BIL has been visiting (London) and plans to move him, if necessary, to a nursing home nearer to him  (Stoke - and therefore a bit nearer to us!)

OH is obviously very stressed but he's keeping busy and coping. At the moment. I'm sure he feels helpless because the PD stops him being able to do more to help.

Exciting times, Jane! Enjoy your happy place retreat. I am so jealous: all that gorgeous scenery. And seaside! You've definitely earned it after the rubbish (there's polite?!) time you've had lately. Cherish every moment.

Plan A (booked site in Peak District) is still on the cards for YD camping trip. I heard OH telling YB on phone that we're going. We'll see. A lot can happen in 2 weeks!! Plan B: camping closer to home and Plan C: "camping" AT home are there, in case, so we've definitely got something to look forward to.

Good luck for Scotland in the footy! Try not to go too crazy, Katy. Will you have the Scotland flag underwear and face paint on?! 😂

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

There is NO dilemma JCJ, take the opportunity for the lift!!!

Son's friend knows exactly where he is going so no worries for you apart from your worry regarding son which is all you really need to contend with at the moment. Do not feel guilty, he offered very kindly. Can you imagine the state you would be in and the journey back? No, no, no.

Thank you for lovely dinner, one of my favourites, yum yum.

All set today for the football, youngest GS will be wearing his Scotland strip haha. All I can say is we are ever hopeful, that is our thing here hahaha, always optimistic😁

Did all the shopping yesterday so have some quiet time before I am inundated with kiddiewinks.

Fab decision about daughter, just down the road or a kinda camping at home. Will be lovely just to enjoy your daughter and laugh, you need that xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Roast lamb was lovely thanks!  And the pudding... 😋

I'd take the lift!  It not like you're asking every week...needs must and all that.  Not easy at any level 😕

I'm still doing well and grateful for the sleep fairy last night - Thanks!

We're getting excited...going on holiday Friday after jabs Thursday. We're off to a friends caravan in Northumberland for 2 weeks.  It's our happy place..

We've just been watching a grass snake in our pond. That explains where all the frogs went!

Have a good week xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

OH *was* OK on trains before Covid stopped us, but we'd only do small, local trips or the very familiar, quite gentle (1 simple change at a small station) journey to Norwich. I don't know how he'd cope with an unfamiliar one. He was in an a*se mood yesterday and I suspect it was because we were home and this visit was looming - although he claimed it was something else; something completely petty.

We've had a talk today and, because BIL has gone back into hospital - it seems he has got an infection - so he's got that to worry about too, OH is not going to come with me this time. Selfishly, I am relieved about that as it will be less stressful for me (and it will be good practice for when I go away with YD, as I'll be away all day but not overnight.) 

YD has said she will still come over, even if we can't go camping, so she still gets her break from "rat baggery" (toddler behaviour!) We can go for walks, watch Wimbledon and sit in the garden in the evenings and pretend we're camping. Also, I've found a campsite less than half an hour away from home that we can maybe go to as a back up plan if that is more appropriate. 

I've now got to decide whether to take ES's friend's offer to drive me over to Luton and visit with me - or not, depending on my preference - and bring me home. What a gent! I'm tempted, especially as he's already visited so knows what's what, but I don't want to use up all his goodwill in case we need him when ES comes out, temporarily or otherwise!

I could, of course, stop being such a wuss and drive over myself, but I've never been particularly fond of driving to strange places and 14 months of lockdown has made me even less confident! Don't want to arrived stressed out! Also, 5+ hours driving in one day is more than I've ever done. The friend is used to the journey as he lives back near us now but still works over that way quite a lot.

Finally got around to planting up my tubs yesterday: delayed due to the cold nights and then there was no point in doing it just before we went away and couldn't water them for a week! 

Hope things are still improving for you, Jane: I'll start rounding up some sleep fairies for when you need them!

Don't overdo it with the GC, Katy. You're right, it is probably the hay-fever meds making you tired..... although OH says the actual hay-fever makes him tired!

Roast lamb dinner in shed tonight, followed by nectarines, strawberries, black grapes, shortbread, raspberry sorbet and ice cream. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Is OH ok on train JCJ? What a dilemma, you don't want OH super agitated because of journey and son agitated because he can feel OH's agitation.........and then your own stress of it all...........

Is son allowed 2 visitors? We are back to one here. Hope all goes well and decisions can be made where everyone is calm and relaxed. Fingers crossed.

Jane a little break, woo hoo, great you are back to walking the dogs, a little piece of normality.

 

Lunch went really well, we were excited because one of friends has not been joining us since it all started so was lovely to see her. Was very tame and ventured from a huge lunch (usual) and had a panini and slice of lemon drizzle cake, so very tasty. We have decided next one will be an evening meal, woo hoo out at night??? Can hardly contain myself, haha.

YD has decided to come on Mon so will have a free weekend, am noticing that I feel really tired all the time, thinking it is hayfever tabs. Who gets it suddenly appearing at this time of life?????? Geez annoying or what?? Haha. If that's all I have, I can be grateful.

Buggy gone and I had some space for all of 10 mins, moved a couple of bigger toys into space but will ask YD what she wants done with them? Kiddies only play with them occasionally, so not really needed. Will take them to charity shop if they are taking any toys at the moment as they are in fab condition.

Sunny but decidedly chilly therefore that means will be on the CBA bench until further notice...........xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

how very hard with your son.  If you go by train, will you go on your own, or with OH?  Hard to know what to do about his discharge.. thinking of you.. Pleased you've had a good break, and that you got a meal in the pub..

Buggy sounds where it belongs... 😉

Ugh! Hayfever!

I'm doing so much better.  Losing a pint of fluid from my lung has made a big difference.  I can walk the dogs OK now!  AND with multiple bone mets, it's good for me to do so!  Impact stuff is good for me - wonder if I can get OH to do a little bop each day???? (highly unlikely, it has to be said!)

Bloods and covid test this morning, prior to telephone consultation next week with nurse, and then treatment on Thursday.  Onc agreed with me that the fluid that appeared in my joints was the bone infusion.  I get this month "off", then start is in earnest but with steroids to help (deep joy!)  However, it's better than holy bones!!!  

Take care, be good (well, maybe!)

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just a thought, Katy, but thudding headache could be dehydration? Antihistamines don't help with that but drinking more water... or tea!.... might help, and it certainly won't do any harm! Another excuse to linger on the JustFinishThisMugatea bench (AKA CBA bench)?! 😜

We're going home tomorrow. Have to leave the cottage by 10am (ouch!): we'll be back by lunchtime. OH has booked his 7pm swimming session. Probably have usual Friday chippies. 

We've enjoyed being somewhere else and I've appreciated different places to explore on my evening walks, but I'm quite looking forward to going home. Contemplating a train journey over to visit ES in hospital early next week. His friend has offered to drive me/us but I don't know if OH would cope. He certainly panics if I drive on motorways! It's over 2 hours each way even on motorways. 

ES desperately wants to come out of hospital but doesn't want to go back to his place on his own.... (or ever, at the moment!) Hospital have said they think a few days leave with friends/family will do him good but we're all scared we won't be able to cope. He's still saying some bizarre things, but he claims that's because he is trapped in a psychiatric ward. Hmmm. We'll see how things are when we visit. I've got to consider OH's mental health: only just got him stable!

Kids, eh! Who'd have 'em?

We actually had a meal at the pub tonight! Hurrah! OH suggested it this morning, and then forgot! 🙄 ES rang when we should have been going out and it was already too late to start going to the shop to fetch something to cook, but we got there in the end. We sat outside looking at the cottage and the sunlit fields on the hill behind. A fitting last night to the holiday, even if we weren't as relaxed as we'd have liked!!

Hope you're doing OK, Jane, and that you have had some of this lovely weather to enjoy. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

yes, you will need to take the good with the bad, easier said than done though, very difficult to relax when so worried, big hugs xx

on the very positive he is in contact with you all and he is getting the care he needs, fingers crossed progression continues. think it's especially hard when you have a great conversation because inevitably your spirits are raised and when not so good you plummet and worry escalates, dont really think that you can combat these feelings but do enjoy the good calls.

when are you home? memory has gone.............

am just binning buggy because had a really good look at it yesterday it is tatty and tyres were flat again, you have to have them blown up at local tyre place so would feel embarrassed even giving it away haha.

decision made.

lunch tomorrow am going to choose something different but will have the usual dessert because its fabulous.

hayfever is annoying giant tablet taken each morning which am not too comfortable taking but no option really and thudding headache by afternoon, ah well.

ironed yesterday 5 things arrrrgh, in my effort to tidy myself means i have to iron more.........

grey and dark here but not cold xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope the walk with the dogs went OK, Jane, and they haven't got cause to comment on Twitter 😜

Enjoy your Friday lunch, Katy, I hope it's delicious. I shall need details.

ES's situation has rather hijacked this holiday. OH arranged to phone him every day at 2pm. (And we're never organised to go anywhere before lunch, thanks to PD!) Yesterday, we each spoke to him for nearly an hour, by which time it was almost time to cook dinner (pasta bolognaise from shop in village). We had a lovely chat about all sorts of things and ES was in contact with his sister too.....for the first time in years. Today's call was awful so we were both too fraught to do more than go for a small stroll in the village and watch the tennis.  I bought a steak pie in the shop for dinner and it's in the oven now. Spuds cooking for mash, and veg. Think there might be some instant gravy granules lurking in a cupboard. Meanwhile, we'll just watch people tucking into pub meals on the green opposite our cottage. 🙄

I had a lovely walk last night. There are lots of scenic, virtually traffic-free roads to explore, and I'm loving being on holiday when the days are longer: no panic about getting too far from "home" when it gets dark.

Trying to be positive. Trying to reassure myself .... and, especially, OH.....that there'll be good days and bad ones and the fact that we've "seen" (heard!) a glimpse of his old self means he must be on the mend. 🤞 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What a difference when someone cares Jane, kindness doesn't cost anything but means so much. Half a litre sounds a lot to me, good grief no wonder you were struggling. Why does this happen? Very glad it went well.

Hope all is well with you too JCJ.

Lunch out on Fri woo hoo, then YD will be here with GS plus GD will be here some of the days too next week and I am babysitting eldest GS and GD next Fri so will be all go haha. YD will be having jab too so am hoping no reaction or that will make things a lot crazier...........

Been out for a walk already looked as though it was going to rain arrrgh but now sun is shining so all good.

Was in one of the charity shops yesterday and found a huge truck with cars etc that lights up and sings £2.99 what a bargain, GD is loving it. Also a book and jigsaw happy days indeed xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Do feel for you with ES JCJ.... one feels so helpless....  Hope it doesn't take over the holiday completely...

What are you up to this week Katy?

Yesterday went very well indeed.  They were so KIND, and I really felt looked after.  The doc drained a "small" amount - turned out to be half a litre, which didn't look small to me!  Last time I had this done a different doc was obnoxious, and after it, I was just "let go".  Yestrday I was wheeled into a recovery area, given tea/sandwich and then taken in a chair to X-Ray.  I said I could walk, but the experienced nurse just looked at me and I realised I could be kind to myself, bless her.  I was under orders to rest yesterday, so I haven't put it to the test yet.  Going for a toddle with the dogs soon.

I sent a Tweet to my MP last night about foreign aid, asking them not to reduce it.  Then realised that the tweet had been sent from the dog's Twitter account!  Every dog has one, right?

I hope the sun is shining on you today - looks set to be hot here...

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope all goes well for you today Jane and glad to hear no fluid on heart.

Happy holidays, better late than never............

Would think there will be ups and downs with son JCJ, he is getting treatment and that can only be the best thing possible. 

Good news about BIL and he is well enough to go home.

Ooh yum yum, did you see me hanging around the cottage?

Will you be wearing dress when you have pub lunch?

Have been awakening to brilliant sunshine for the last few days, diminishes then reappears around 3pm, not so today but do think it will become hot later so will be tidying myself up before town trip haha.

This week and next are going to be busy will feel odd after all the quiet time I have had, will have to gear myself up haha. xx

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Rain this morning! Of course.

We didn't get a pub meal today. A very fraught phone call last night with ES left us both a bit fragile so I cooked salmon in brown butter (I've watched enough cooking on TV to know how to sell it when I let the pan get too hot! 😛) new potatoes, carrots and broccoli for dinner.

OH had a much better chat with ES this afternoon so we're feeling a bit better about him now. Beautiful evening so we went for (separate - so I could go further and faster) walks. On returning, I found him outside the pub opposite the cottage. He'd ordered an alcohol free beer and was convinced it was going to his head so I had to finish it for him. (Shame?!)

Good news that the fluid isn't on your heart. Fingers crossed they manage to drain it this time. 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I didn't get a notification of your posts on Thursday.  I don't know, I take my eyes of you for a minute, and look what you get up to!!!

Hope cottage/holiday is just what you need and that you don't end up worrying too much.  Pleased OH had a a long chat with ES, and that he's getting help...  hope BIL improves and that you get your new dress!!

I shall be doing a BBQ tomorrow, so no worries about not having a roast...

It turns out I don't have fluid on the heart.  My assumption because I was told the HEART echo showed fluid. full stop.  It transpires its on the lungs, so they're doing a pleural tap on Monday, and hoping they are more successful than last time they tried!  At least I won't have the consultant from hell this time.  Last lady I saw had the bedside manner of a Rottweiler!   Apparently she talks to other consultants just the same! 

I did this post this morning, but when I pushed the "post" button, it wouldn't go and I lost it!  Had to start again...

Lovely sunny day here - actually hot!  Got sundress out... in fleece now, but... it WAS nice..

Hope you're having a good weekend x

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

BIL didn't have sepsis, just a very minor crack in his skull, and he was allowed to go back to his flat today but opted to stay in hospital for another night.

Things also looking better for ES. OH actually had a long chat on the phone with him this morning. I was a weeny bit jealous (I thought he was talking to hospital staff so didn't join in) but I'm also thrilled that they've talked after so many years: at least I have had text conversations with him. ES did say he'd ring back later today to talk to both of us but that hasn't happened. I'm not surprised. Enough is enough of the ancient rellies for one day?! We'll call him tomorrow.

We're at the cottage. Finally. Only 14 months later than planned. It's opposite a pub and 50yds from a chippy. Apparently, there is a good bakery in the village too and a small supermarket. Perfect. I won't be slobbing in the garden in my dressing gown here though because it's a bit overlooked!! The living room is a bit public too, as we're right on the main road, so we'll have to be careful to keep the blinds drawn until we're decent!! 😳

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh no JCJ, my Dad (treatment), YD & GS (the birth) all had sepsis and treatment went very, very well for them fingers crossed it's same for BIL.

At least son is where he needs to be, hopefully recovery will be swift with the care needed.

You will also need to have girlfriends contact number so you can check up with her in the future, so you know the difference between just reaching out and seeking help. Very difficult when you are not seeing the person, in person and can judge behaviour. Even then it's hard to distinguish because they can hide things very well.

Sending you huge hugs xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah for feeling better, Jane. Long may it continue, along with an improvement in the breathing!

Hahaha, Katy, thanks for making me laugh. I really needed that today. The flowers on the front of the dress looks like my boobs have slipped.... that's about right!

Trying to get sorted for our holiday but the joy has been taken out of it because we heard, yesterday, that BIL is in hospital with suspected sepsis after a fall and, worse, less than an hour later, we learned that ES is also in hospital.... in a psychiatric ward! It seems the birthday messages and other weird things recently were his cries for help. 😢 His friends are rallying round and I'm just about to make some phone calls to try to find where he is.

We might have Sunday dinner in a pub. If so, I'll fill a "doggy bag" or 2 (hate that phrase as it always make me think of a rather less savory sort of bag that dogwalkers carry!) and smuggle them out. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

8b71239707bcf66e226bdf09cf77ebb4 (2).jpgfound your dress JCJ, will post it asap, no idea how I managed to take it home from Norcambe..............should arrive just in time for your holiday, whew, stunning xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

We were posting at the same time Jane, so very glad you have no pain, over to the hurrah bench for you xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What are we like? Your sandals and my chair...............

We did get very warm here yesterday around 3, had nipped into town with a very thin jacket on and was basically boiled by the time I came home. Couldn't take jacket off cause I had on a tatty t shirt, that'll teach me. It's hard to put pretty clothes on, when you are going to just be quick, feel as though it's a waste of time..............will need to stop that though, sooooooooooo next time I will be tidy haha.

Good that symptoms of jab are to be expected and not a shock, hopefully ease off soon.

Are you packed and almost ready to go??

Oh no, have just realised no Sunday Dinner this weekend, arrgh xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Morning!

The pain is gone, just left with the breathlessness, but I do feel more alert and alive, which is good.  Probably lack of pain killers!!  I agree about SEs... not sure they are convinced, but I will explain why I think it - when I see them.  Appointment today has been cancelled cause I have been put on the list for NEXT week's MDT, and wasn't discussed yesterday.  Have another appointment for next week, and at least the ultrasound will have been done by then, and maybe the two other CT's booked...

I've been enjoying being in the garden (mostly sitting) and watching the birds...  Late brekkie in a minute - I'm  hearing good things about the 16-8 diet, in terms of giving our bodies time to heal/restore....

hope you find a good home for the buggy!  We have disposed of lots of things via Freecycle, and acquired one or two too!

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

You really are having a rough time, Jane. I hope things settle down soon and you can find out what's going on. I agree with Katy, that a lot of it could be SEs. Puts my pathetic niggles into perspective!

My thumb is much as it was: no problem with the splint on, ouchy without, slightly swollen due to the steroid - but I was told to expect that. Back is much improved. I managed the supermarket shop and was just a bit achy by the time I'd put it all away.

I put my boots away and got out my sandals. That and your chairs, Katy, and we really have done for the weather!! Hot today but a bit of rain this evening.

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh my gosh Jane, you are def going through the wars just now. Will the team let you know what's what today? Do you think it's a combination of all the meds etc that your body is reacting to? Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you and sending you big, big hugs xx

 

Hope you are doing better now too JCJ especially when you have your holiday coming up, you want to be fighting fit.

Thank you for giving me an idea about buggy, will check with daughters and see if they also think having it is pointless. Didn't think about doing that as always have charity shops in mind.

Yum yum it's been years since I have had sausage and mash haha, went down a treat.

Little duller today, knew that would happen when I bought the chair hahaha. xx

 

 

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

So pleased the injection was OK, and that daughter's reaction has gone down.

There's asparagus in the shed, and still the goodies left over from Christmas, so help yourself to the florentines and biscotti.  No cheese straws left I'm afraid.  We'll make you some mushroom and asparagus risotto later...

COnsltant said everything responding to treatment, but I was really breathless when I got to his office and he was very concerned.  There's no cancer reason for it, so he asked for a heart echo, a high Res. lung CT, and a head scan to see what's causing the earache.  The heart echo happened the following day and shows fluid on the heart, which would explain it.  Resp. consultant they spoke to said it's not much, but I now have an ultrasound lung/heart booked for Monday, and if they CAN drain it, they will.  Can't get to the end of the drive/road without being breathless now.  Anyhow, that was all trumped by my knee filling up with fluid to twice it's normal size - could hardly walk!  Also, pre-damaged elbow same, followed by other knee and other wrist.   I had to get OH to buy a toilet seat raiser, cause I couldn't get off the loo!  Felt so ancient.  My personal theory is that the bone infusion caused all the "vulnerable" joints to react, but we'll see what anyone else thinks.  It's all gone down now, thankfully, and the earache is much less.  I asked the consultant how many  bone mets I had, and he said "just the one".  The copy of the CT reports he gave me said "multiple...." so I've got them checking that.  I'm apparently due to be discussed at MDT this morning, and they're asking their radiologist to make sense of it all.  The two scans I had last month contradict each other apparently!  Consultant was concerned when I said I felt better before I was diagnosed!  Six weeks ago I was still doing Pilates.  Don't think I could now.  Appointment with him tomorrow.

I'm loving the sunshine, but it's been pretty windy with it.  Lunch stuff was blowing away yesterday!

Hope the back is surviving, and that you two are OK....

 

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad hay-fever meds are working.

Double buggy: you could join freecycle.org. It's free to join and it is great for giving stuff away to keep it out of landfill. You just offer it and the person who wants it has to come and get it! I've DMed you the link to your local group (I think!) 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Back is improving slowly. I managed to walk up to Dr's this morning.... Slowly! I'd worn my splint since getting out of the shower so my thumb didn't hurt when Dr prodded it and wiggled it about. After a bit, I said "Ow!" when I knew it would have hurt if I'd not worn the splint! Injection was virtually painless after all my worry (stupidly, I'd googled cortisone injections and it said the most painful one was into the hand!) However, as I was walking out of the surgery, it suddenly started really hurting. I cursed myself for forgetting to take ibuprofen before I went (a sure sign my back is getting better!) I'm glad I didn't have to drive home.

Popped into a small supermarket on the way home to pick up some milk. I had intended to treat myself to an ice-cream as a reward for having the injection, but the pain was making me feel so sick I didn't fancy one! The walk home helped and I've had some toast and coffee and ibuprofen and it's OK now. Dr said to keep wearing the splint and I should feel the benefit of the injection in 7 to 10 days and if not to let him know.

Ha. Email to say you've just posted, Katy, so we were typing at the same time. 😁 I can't respond to yours until after I've posted this!

OH is swimming this afternoon so I'm going to suggest we have dinner/tea in the chippy in town as the cafe should be open now. It'll save me cooking and make up for probably not having them on Friday because we'll have just arrived at the cottage; can't get in until 5pm.

Pork dinner in shed with (bought) forest fruit strudel (which neither of us ate as we weren't very hungry) and bangers and mash with caramelised onion gravy from last night. 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Had a walkabout this morning and sun is now shining woo hoo!

Purchased a chair for sitting outside, bought a camping chair because I can fold it up and squeeze into a small place, running out of space..............have that huge double buggy that I don't think I will be using again because it was for the nursery run and that is no more. They are now both at the stage where they want to walk anyway. I don't know what to do with it, don't even know if it's worth taking to charity shop as it would def need new tyres, especially if you were using all the time, mmmm, quandary indeed.

Am having awful hayfever arrrrrrrrrrgh, as long as I take tablet every morning rest of day is fine.............consolation indeed.

Hope your jab was fine xx

 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh my goodness, hope you are both on the much better bench. Earache and bad back ouchy ouch.

ED fine this week, 4 days before swelling decreased, may not have any side effects for 2nd jab, am keeping fingers crossed.

Good luck for tomorrow JCJ. 

And................going on holiday, woo hoo for you haha.

Have just been faffing around, did acquire my new mop heads and they are much skinnier than I remembered, ah well haha.

Had lovely sunshine here yesterday but today so far it's pretty chilly. Had my winter coat on nipping over to supermarket earlier, it's nearly June brrrrrrrrr.

Had a really yuck dinner last night so am hoping there are still leftovers in the shed xx

 

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope your earache is better, Jane. Scary about your BIL but, to be fair, cancer is often missed at first Dr's appointments in person. It often takes the patient going back, with it still not better, to cause further investigation. The treatment must be horrible; I hope they caught it in time, despite the delay.

Is your Ed still puffed up, Katy? I hope not and that's she's recovered. I bet she'll think twice before having the 2nd jab!! My YD had no problem other than a slightly sore arm.

I'm annoyed with myself because I put my ****** back out again yesterday, twisting to get something out of the fridge. I hoped it would be fine and tried to carry on as normal: gentle pruning in garden, walking to chippy..... much slower than usual.... and driving OH to his swimming (ouchy whenever I had to use the brake and clutch simultaneously!) It's bad this morning and I'm regretting not resting: stressing about whether it'll be better for going on holiday on Friday (last Easter's postponed cottage) not to mention getting to the Dr's on Tuesday. I was going to walk in case the injection makes my thumb too sore to drive but it's half a mile away up a steep hill!!  Ibuprofen and rest. It'll be fine in a day or two. That's what I keep telling myself. Fingers crossed.

I took my splint off for a couple of days to stop me talking myself out of the injection because it's completely fine with the splint on so I can convince myself it's better and there's no need to go through with it. Splint is back on now: no point in adding to the back pain misery?!

I agree, Katy, why would anyone WANT to fill their faces with poison?!! I'm such a coward when it comes to necessary interventions never mind doing it for vanity!! 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

That's really good, hopefully will not be painful JCJ, if it gives you relief then it will be worth it.

"magic nana" did her job with GD then haha.

ED not great but swelling is subsiding a little, so that's better. Went along to see her yesterday afternoon and have spoken to her this morning. Will see her tomorrow. Hope your YD is fine, think it's such a shock to the system when you do feel yuck.

Half way tidied, am going to leave earlier than appt at hairdresser cause I can do a couple of things which means I can just come straight home afterwards. It's pouring again with rain, one thing here we will never have a water shortage haha. Sooooooooo bored with it.

One friend is filling her face with botox and fillers, would be so very scared to do that...........xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Good to hear from you both.

GD woke up Monday and said "I'm sad daddy".  "Why are you sad?"  "I miss Granny & Grandad"... cute... hopefully we will see her next month when we head North for 2 weeks in Northumberland.  They are going to come for one weekend.  However, yesterday they ended up in local lockdown that turned out to not be local lockdown, so we're all just keeping fingers crossed.

Consultant this afternoon... podiatrist this morning.  I'll have to drag myself off the CBA bench, which is hard.  I've had earache since Friday...

Saw Lymph nurse on Monday (exciting week eh?) and she wants to put me on permanent antibiotics because I've had cellulitis twice in 12 months.  I'll chat that through with the onc this afternoon - feels like there's already a lot going into my body. If he's not happy, I'll ask the GP for "just in case" antibiotics.

it sounds like there might be warmer weather on the way - won't that be lovely?  We have loads of things grown from seed that we can't plant out, because the ground is so sodden.  The dahlias are coming along well though.

So pleased the advent calendar was well received after all that work.  

I agree that telephone appointments really work for some things, and must make life easier for the GPs as well as patients. The downside is that my BiL was asked to take a photo of his throat (!) and send it in.  Got a message back to say it looked fine.  When he got a second opinion a few weeks later, he had cancer in his throat.  Fortunately, he didn't just accept the first response.  He's going through treatment now, and it sounds much worse than anything we had to endure...

Time for brekkie... ttfn

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad your leg wasn't anything to worry about. 

YD didn't actively try to persuade OH about our trip but she did mention it a couple of times like it was all agreed: "I'll see you I a few weeks" and I booked the campsite as it's only £14 a night and we'd only lose the first night's fee if we don't go. We didn't want him to finally agree and then the site be full. That would be awful: to not go, as YD put it, "for a silly reason".

I'm waiting for the Dr to ring back. I got a telephone appointment this morning and Dr said another Dr in the practice does cortisone injections so she's put me on his phone list for this morning.

LATER: phone went in the middle of that last paragraph! Injection booked for next Tuesday at 9am. Now I'm on the jittery bench; hoping it's not too ouchy. 😕

I have to say, this telephone appointment system is sooo much more efficient; I hope we don't go back to the old ways although I'm slightly surprised they took my word for it that it is trigger thumb, but I did tell them I'd had it before.

YD said GD was a pain going to bed last night: "I WANT TO GO TO BED WITH NANA!" Both pleased and glad I wasn't there! 

YD has her vaccination tomorrow. I won't tell her about your D's experience!! I hope she's OK now?

Right, no excuse not to do the hoovering now as I'm no longer listening for the phone........I'll just finish this coffee on......

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It was a 6 year old and 2 year old, can't manage the two 2 year olds without help haha.

ED had her jab yesterday and has taken an allergic reaction, piriton, rest and watch out for breathing issues, symptoms fingers and eyes swollen, dizziness. Oh my, fingers crossed it all calms asap.

Glad you were able to go out and about despite the weather. arrrrrrrrgh so fed up of the rain now.

Went out for lunch all good and when we left it was still torrential and freezing, my teeth were chattering.

Just phoned and have appt tomorrow for hair, woke up this morning and have a very bouffant kinda style which is not pretty am hoping no rain forecast.

Did YD manage to persuade JCJ?

Mark on leg has almost disappeared so nothing to worry over whew! No call from doc so am assuming they are in agreement. Every little blemish worries me now..........will just need to calm down had mark for around 6 weeks and the week I contact anyone it starts to disappear haha.

Happily on the CBA bench until further notice xx

 

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad you had a lovely week with your family, Jane. I bet you are exhausted now?! Some lovely memories to treasure though.

We were playing with Brio too! We have a large boxful, saved from when our children were smal(ler). GD has a "noisy train" that she was playing with - it has a battery in and moves by itself - and I noticed it looked a similar size to the Brio trains. Noisy train kept getting itself trapped behind sofas and chairs so I brought out the Brio box, from under my dressing table, cleared off years of dust and voilà! perfect fit! So YD spent a happy hour building a circuit around the living room and noisy train went around and round safely. They've taken the boxful home with them - probably more for YD's benefit at the moment. 😛

GD was sick, twice, in the car coming here (also on their zoo trip a few weeks ago) and they were worried she had developed travel sickness like her mummy had as a child, but they got home, yesterday, vomit-free so maybe she was just out of practice after over a year of not going anywhere more than 10 minutes away.

We had a lovely time, despite cold, damp weather. We managed 2 excursions to the park, via the canal towpath to feed the ducks (none of the ducklings or moorhen chicks put in an appearance though, unfortunately) to burn off some energy.

The turkey survived its 5 months in the freezer - in fact the turkey breast was even better because I froze it in gravy making it  deliciously moist! - so the dinner was a roaring success. As was the Boxing day pie yesterday. (I joked that that was why GD wasn't sick: she didn't want to part with any of that turkey! 😁)

The grown up (in name, anyway) girls absolutely loved the advent calendar but decided not to show it to GD yet as she wouldn't want to put the ornaments back in it. It's gone home with them to wait in their loft until December, but they've promised to send me a video when she opens it.

Raining, yet again, today and not very warm. I've got all the washing to do because I didn't do it on Friday (too wet to put outside and the airer usually lives in the guest room!) and the chemist still owes us some of OH's prescription so I'll have to drag myself off the CBA/K bench to go and get that at some point today. Swimming booked for tonight too. If I can summon the energy!

I got away with no SEs from vaccine 2 though, as today's tiredness is probably what I normally experience when they've been here and I was fine all weekend.

I don't know how you manage 2 of them on your own, Katy!!

Good luck with your scans, Jane. Whatever you decide, remember whatever the prognosis, some people defy expectations: OH's uncle was given just a few months and lived, in reasonable health, for over 30 years.... and that was before any of the more effective treatments!... so don't give up hope. Hugs (gentle, Covid-safe ones) xx

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Happy you had a lovely time Jane, sorry you were ouchy. If it is working, feeling yuck will be worth it. What a predicament, have the scan and then decide whether you want to know or not, that then gives you time to just think. Fingers and toes crossed all meds etc do their job.

 

Hope you enjoyed your time with the girls too JCJ and X Dinner went down a treat. Brilliant you were both able to see family. And hopefully daughter has persuaded your OH............

It's pouring with rain here, so fed up of the horrible weather, it's also cold and we had hailstones yesterday, WHAT??

Had 2 GC for a shortish time on Sat, my goodness was a complete whirlwind, they were sooooooooo excited, sat for a couple of hours afterwards to catch my breath. Am babysitting in a few weeks, help!

Out for lunch later, 2 weeks in a row, my goodness...........next time friend we have not seen for over a year is joining us, a little bit of normality, perhaps? xx

 

GIJaneH
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oooh, the thumb sounds nasty!

Hope you enjoyed the girls/the visit/eurovision

We had a fantastic week with Little Legs (who has very long legs!) and she didn't want to go home today.  She wants to stay with G & G... however, having loved seeing them, we're pleased to have a rest, and the house back to ourselves!  We did have fun though, and some good laughs.

Plenty of left over nibbles in the shed - I recommend the cheese straws..

I had the new bone infusion on Thursday, and Friday felt like I had a nasty dose of flu... ached.. sore throat, swollen glands, streaming nose... It co-incided with really awful weather, so we got the Brio out, then  snuggled up with a DVD...  Fortunately, it only lasted a day.  It also gave me stabbing pains in some bones, which apparently is the treatment working.  I wonder if that means I have more bone mets than was thought?  I'll ask the consultant on Wednesday if I should have a bone scan.

He couldn't give me a prognosis until after my first staging scan.  Not sure whether or not I want one. At one level, it's what you want to know, at another level, you absolutely DON'T want to know... (if you get my drift).  

At least I have time to sit on a bench to think now...

Hope you're weekends were good xx

JCJ
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It's the other thumb. I had thought that being the left one, it wouldn't be such a problem but it's amazing how many times one bends both one's thumbs during the course of a day!

The girls are hoping to break their journey, tomorrow, for lunch, at Cambridge (the only decent services on that route, all the others being, to quote FoxyFeret (I miss her 🙁😞 “just a burger van and a portaloo!") so they should get here around 4pm, depending on traffic, toddler induced delays etc. Chippy tea planned. Turkey dinner for earlyish tea on Saturday, so GD can join us. I've got lists of timings because I've never cooked Christmas Dinner when most of the meat is already cooked! I've got to cook the pigs in blankets - and try not to burn them this time - and the roasties, yorks puds and other veg as well as the stuffing. I saved some of the turkey stock so I can make more gravy too (I froze the sliced turkey in gravy). 

YD is very excited that it will be Eurovision on Saturday. We used to love watching that together and most years, since she left home, we have watched it and texted each other silly comments. OHs won't be happy but apparently DIL "will get into it" and my OH can bog off and listen to his operas upstairs if he wants - as long as he doesn't wake GD in the next room!!

Weather is cold, wet and windy. Typical weather for me to be seeing YD! At least we're not camping this weekend!

Looking around the house wondering how much stuff I need to move before the tiny tornado arrives! 

katytc
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh no it's still ouchy then JCJ?

Can't remember is it same thumb? Give them a phone today to get the ball rolling? The sooner the better.

Thank goodness for the shed, can just saunter in anytime I feel like, haha.

No sunshine here this morning but not raining yet either.

Away to pop out with some goodies for the ducks as GD is here today.

When do your girls arrive? How excited are you? woo hoo!

New store opens here and am thinking I may go over very early tomorrow morning cause am imagining it will be super busy. They have great cleaning products and have missed being able to buy mop heads (only like a certain kind) and have had to buy whole mop, Imagine being excited over a mop.

Forgot to say lunch was lovely, another next week haha.

Also discovered meds am taking contribute to rotund tummy, can't stop tabs so that means I can eat as much as I like as it's not all the sweet things I eat???????? hahaha. That my story and I'm sticking to it xx