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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ooh. Katy, your first post in this thread has now been pinned at the top. I thought the posts had flipped upside down again but your most recent one is next. We've moved on a long way from that original post! 😁

Hurrah for bargain Christmas snow house!

I've started my Christmas shopping. Bought a few things online following suggestions on YD's wishlists (hers and GD's). Now I get the fun of parcels being delivered. 

Lots of tea, cake and biscuits by the everything hurts bench. Not long now. x

THE letter was just informing me that the bowel cancer screening kit will be sent to me in the next couple of weeks, so no results to worry about..... yet.

Popped into local town today because I can't get my calcium tablets in local shops. We're supposed to be in Lockdown 2 but it's ridiculous how many shops have managed to claim they are "essential"! I didn't go anywhere other than the chemists (x 2: first one sold out of calcium) and supermarket though. 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

40 is not old nowadays JCJ🤔...............

Oh goodness now you will start worrying re results, in the old days you didn't get a letter unless there was something wrong, when I received letter my stomach did flips, service changed and everyone received a letter that year and onwards whew!

Good job you haven't had mammo, jittery bench would be rattling.

Have a travel cot here and it drives me crazy, one day it folds no problem next day I take about 20 attempts, my blood boils..........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Had a slow wander to shops near me with GD this morning and bought a Christmas Snow House, have coveted one for a long time. Been looking online and liked one at around £25, saw same one today for £9.99, woo hoo!! Couldn't believe it???

Am on the "everything hurts" bench, one week to go, just have to grin and bear it or grimace and bear it haha xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Post arrived for me this morning. I thought "Hurrah! Pension options!" "Oh no it's NHS, well that's good: probably BC screening" It was BC screening, and I misread it at first and then said "Oh!" because it's for bowel cancer screening. I have reached that age! 🙄😕

I'll do it, obviously, better to be safe. We all know the importance of screening, but I'm still reeling from the realisation that I'm old! 😛


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

GD is 19 months old. She has a travel cot and, up until this visit, has shared our spare bedroom (OH's craft room/tip!) with her parents. She is used to sleeping in her own room at home so when she wakes up, even just slightly, and Mummy & Mamma are, there she won't settle. She certainly slept better this time and so did her mums!

Hoorah! Phone call from pension people this afternoon (probably because I emailed them this morning: they have, "today" received my paperwork from the academy, at last, and have promised to prioritise my case as it's been so long - (even though it wasn't their fault). I should get the forms in the post soon. Whoop! It won't be much, but after nothing for so long I'll appreciate it more!

Thank goodness takeaways have been allowed to stay open during this Lockdown! We've just had our chippies. Yum

Take it easy, Katy, rest those poor feet. 11 days time and you'll be back in your dancing shoes. 😛 xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Will you have to pay it back??? Hahaha.

I know nothing seems to be getting done properly just now, hope you phoned them..........

Good you phoned about mammo, sets your mind at rest somewhat, always nervous times.

So glad you managed to see your girls and fingers crossed for Xmas or thereabouts, you may have it earlier, on the day or later but it will be at some point, forever the optimist.

You will need to buy a travel cot then you can both share room haha.

How old is GD now? Time passes so very quickly.


C gifts are completely done and wrapped, haha , always organised but this year beats all others!

Am very pleased.

Was unable to take GS up to nursery this morning, feet are extremely painful, ouch, 11 days to go who's counting? xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Good grief, Katy, C. shopping done already. I haven't even started to think about it yet!! I have made the mincemeat and bought the cake ingredients (I think - did it from memory!) but that's all. Luckily, I usually do it all online anyway, otherwise I'd be in trouble because all non-essential shops are shut, here in England, until at least 2nd December... and probably longer: the first lockdown was supposed to be 3 weeks and it was nearer 4 months!!

It was really lovely to see my girls. GD is adorable and such a quick learner. She's communicating well with her TinyTalk signs and quite a few words. I was amazed. I didn't understand some of the things she tried to sign to me and had to ask Mummy or Mamma for translation. 

TinyTalk has had to stop again, due to lockdown 2, but they are doing an online "Zoom" version to which I have been invited. They sent me the link for this morning's session, but unfortunately I couldn't get it to work in time (and I was even dressed ready by 9:45am!!) Maybe next week.

YD said, as they left, that they'll come over again "as close to Christmas as possible". Yeh! I wasn't sure they'd want to come, but they'll come FOR Christmas if Covid-19 restrictions allow or as soon as possible after, if not. That made the parting easier. (That, and getting my room back. GD was sleeping in there instead of in with her parents, which worked much better as she was much more settled, but meant I had to put up with OH snoring or sleep on the sofa! Still, it was worth it.)

I've been fretting about my 3 year mammo and having to stop myself getting in a state about it, so YD told me to ring and enquire. I looked on Google and found their website and it seems they have started doing routine mammos again but in a Covid-19-safe way, rather than "on the van", so they're a bit behind schedule. It said not to phone but to await an invitation letter, which will be an invitation to make an appointment, not an actual appointment, to save wasted time. So I'll mosey on over to the Patience Bench for a wee while.

Going to have to contact pensions people, again, because I have still not heard anything. I bet the academy still haven't done their bit. Grrrrr. OH has taken pity on me and has set up a standing order from "his" account to "mine" (they're both joint accounts 😁) because he feels guilty for pressurising me to retire. At least I can do some C. shopping now without breaking into the savings, or spending "his" money!! Hurrah. 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah hope you are having a lovely time, what a surprise!!!

Just happiness all round.


Have been super busy, wrapping haha. Found I now only need one very small gift which I will buy tomorrow, am really pleased something else ticked off. 

Also did some early supermarket shopping, so by late afternoon was soooooooo tired promptly fell asleep!

Back to pouring with rain again..........hope your weather is better.

Have a brilliant time with your girls xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Grrrr! News from 10 Downing Street: another lockdown starting Thursday! 😢 So the girls won't be able to come. 😥

Also, no more library for OH and no more swimming for at least 4 weeks (but, realistically, it could be months.) Monday night is booked but..... 

Trying to keep busy to stay off the CSL bench when phone rings: YD: they're coming tomorrow until Tuesday! Yay! 👏🏻👏🏻😁 YD has just told work she *needs* to see us so she's taking Monday and Tuesday off, she'll make the time up - probably on Thursday and Friday, which she'd originally booked off. DIL will bring her laptop because she'll have to work from here on Monday.

Better do some tidying!

I hope their journey isn't too horrendous with every one on the roads, making a panicked dash to relatives while they can! 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What takeaway did you get? Was it yummy? I had my usual Friday night mini fish, small chips and mushy peas with mayonnaise. Yum.

I hope you are having a quiet weekend and you didn't jinx it!

YD messaged this morning. There were planning to come and visit 13th to 15th November - because I chickened out of risking travelling there - but due to rumours of imminent lockdown, they are coming Thursday to Saturday next (this?) week. Fingers crossed. I really want to see them but I heard lockdown might be as soon as Wednesday. 🙁 I am SO sick of all this uncertainty. I realise that being able to make plans is a major part of one's mental health. That's why it was so tough before OH was medicated effectively. Now we're back there again. Oh well. I suppose there will be an end to this.... eventually.... let's just hope we're still well/fit enough to appreciate it.

So much for our retirement/Y6 leavers "do" in October! I guess that's not going to happen at all now: there comes a point when it's just too late to bother. Christmas concerts, at school have been cancelled, so I won't be invited back for that as promised. 😕

I'm still penniless. School (or rather, to be exact, the academy) messed up my paperwork and didn't tick the "retirement" box on my "termination" (ouch! That sounds rather final/fatal?!) forms, (despite me specifically asking them to do so in my resignation letter!) so the local government pension scheme can't process my pension. Grrr. I've phoned school and the secretary promised to get on to the academy to sort it. That was 2 weeks ago. Still not heard anything. Don't know how long to wait before enquiring again. Luckily, we can't do anything at the moment so we can afford to live on OH's pensions. I just miss having my own money to spend, especially with C approaching! I'll just have to crack open the ISA. After all, if this isn't a rainy day, what is?! (actually, it is p***ing it down and blowing a hooli today!) 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Caramel shortbread won.........

We had sunshine here today, it was actually warm for a while then around 3 it was soooooooooo cold heating went on, brrrrr.

Takeaway for tea tonight, hurrah so won't have to raid the shed!

Scared to say it but no plans for the weekend, fingers crossed I've not jinxed it. xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah she'll be talking to you on the phone soon😀

Are they coming at C as well? If allowed..........

Tea in 2nd pub sounds so much better, gosh you two are doing well, swimming and walking, hurrah!

Glad OH is happy to keep tabs the same, difference is amazing, you must be well pleased.

Have an appt fairly soon with pain clinic seems to be open as usual and not a phone appt as yet, pretty unusual in these times.

Pouring AGAIN all day here, get so fed up as once it starts seems to last for days and days, yuck. 

Did go in to town yesterday, less than an hour so all good.

Some of the stuff ordered came today, just waiting for one thing, should hopefully arrive over the weekend. Am def wrapping some stuff this weekend.

Bite my tongue or caramel shortbread mmmmmmmmmmmm what will win?? xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad the "spitting feathers" episode has been resolved. Don't bite your tongue; bite something more tasty (and less painful!): might I suggest a nice piece of steak ... or some millionaires shortbread? 😁

We've had quite a lot of rain here too, although I was lucky yesterday because it stopped just as I was planning to go for a walk while OH was swimming. We're both swimming twice a week now but on different days!! So that's four times a week I have to drive to the pool!! 

I was contemplating doing another weekly swimming session, to make up for all those missed weeks, (and to fill my time!) when, 2 weeks ago, OH suddenly announced he'd booked for Tuesday afternoon. What? That's no good to me, I don't want to go 2 days in a row! So I booked Thursday lunchtime whilst he's at the library. While he's swimming on Tuesdays, I go for a walk and then we have tea at the chip shop or in a pub. At the moment. While we can. Last week, since you asked, I had ham, egg and chips which was mediocre. Last night, I had breaded cod, chips, mushy peas and a lemon and parsley sauce - at a different pub - which was delicious!

So, this week I've already swum a mile and walked 3 1/2 miles. Today I'm on the K bench. My hip, fine when I'm swimming or walking, has started giving me jip when I'm sitting or, especially, going upstairs. Grrr.

OH had his telephone call from PD nurse yesterday. She is pleased that he's trying to do more exercise and, because he doesn't seem to still be piling on the weight, we've agreed to keep his meds as they are for now. OH is greatly relieved. He's always terrified of saying something that will trigger the whole hospital appointment rigmarole.

Spoke to YD on phone last night. GD is loving nursery 2 days a week and she's starting to talk - and inventing new signs to supplement her "TinyTalk". She's obsessed with phones. They sent me a couple of hilarious videos of her holding a soft toy to her ear, or a mobile phone to a toy's ear, and shouting "Hello!" 😂 Can't wait to see them all in a couple of weeks time. 🤞🏻


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Poured and poured yesterday😑

Went to meet YD and was soaked, came out of station and no rain WHAT??

First time it had stopped all day.

Have to pick up an order in town today but oh so cannot be bothered.

Bought last gift this morning only sweets to pick up now. Am seriously thinking of wrapping them this weekend because I find it a bit of a struggle usually do them all at once and my hands don't like it any longer.

The episode that made me superly duperly mad has been concluded with an apology from a "person" who never apologises. They didn't actually address the main complaint which honestly they should have had their knuckles wrapped for but did say they were sorry for the distress caused.  So now have to bite my tongue and be grateful that they knew they were wrong.

Getting darker and darker here, if it rains am not going haha xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Uncomfortable or what??? hee hee, did he have a red face???

Did you have something yummy?

Gosh am not sure about mammos am sure it was on the news that they were restarting, you can always give them a call. 

Have been so busy with GC, have not had time to even think..........yesterday was the first time I had been on my own for what seems like ages.....and ages.

Am well ahead with c presents though, woo hoo! Who knows if there will be any shops open in the next couple of months? Also purchased a new C tree, it's pre lit because having wires all over the place were really making me so fed up last year, couldn't wait to take it down. Hopefully this will make a huge difference. 

Flu jab done arm was a little tender but no problems now.

It's pouring again here, yuck xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It seems this @#*%"* virus has caused the 3 yearly mammo program to be interrupted? I'm due mine this month, but I've had no letter and there's been no sign, for months, of the van at its usual place in the supermarket carpark. It's normally there for most of September and October. I'm trying not to take up residence on the jittery bench: every little twinge...!

Booked a swim for today, for while OH was doing his library volunteering. Thought it would get me out of the house, because I'm struggling with the whole retirement thing - (even made bread on Monday because I was so bored!) Of course, when the time came, it was a gloriously sunny, autumn day, the first in ages, and would have been perfect for a walk. I went swimming, because I'd already paid, and thought I'd go for a walk, after, as well. After swimming my mile though, my body said "NO" to any more exertion, so I sat on a sunny bench in the market Square and admired the trees whilst devouring a chicken baguette and mugatea (from a bakery chain that sounds like angry eggs! 😛) I was very proud of myself for managing to walk past the chippy, but it was only the thought of spoiling tomorrow's chippy tea that stopped me buying some!

It's such a pain that the showers at the pool are currently closed so I have to wash the chlorine off, especially my hair, at home. By 2pm, I had dressed 3 times, beginning to understand how those posh women who wore different outfits every 5 minutes must have felt! It's no wonder they didn't go out to work: didn't have time!! 

We went to the pub for tea on Tuesday and a very funny, only in 2020, thing happened: 2 men, friends from their university days, (A & B) and the girlfriend of A come in and sit at a table near us. After a fair bit of chat Girlfriend gets up to go to the ladies. She returns a few minutes later, wearing a face covering and carrying a menu. She asks the men if they want to order food and B replies, quite sharply, that they're just having drinks. He is then completely mortified when she sits back down next to A and removes her mask: he had assumed she was a waitress!! A very awkward silence ensued, while I'm trying hard not to snort with laughter. B was very quiet for several minutes - no doubt wanting the ground to open up and swallow him - before resuming his previous cocky Londoner talk. Hehehe. I wonder how the rest of their evening went!!



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ooooh yummy yum, have eaten everything, thank you😀

You DO such lovely dinners............

It has poured with rain all day long, yuck, nipped into town for essentials as quickly as possible it's done woo hoo!

Anger has subsided, thank goodness but if I think about it too much rage surfaces again haha.

All your sewing will keep you out of mischief for a while.....xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I do remember this time last year, which is why I'm not pushing him to change anything.... just wishing we hadn't got rid of all his bigger trousers when we had to buy new, smaller ones due to weight loss that we thought was permanent! Currently buying elastic to make waistbands bigger!

Dinner, in the shed, will be: roast turkey (I bought a drumstick - possibly a bit close to C********, but there were no free range chickens and I fancied it) with roasties, Yorkshire pudding, buttery garlicky courgettes, red cabbage, roasted parsnips, green beans, red current jelly and gravy. Followed by chocolate fondant with raspberries and ice cream - if I can get off the CBA bench to make it (the pudding, not the ice cream obvs, I'm not that mad! 😀) x


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well improvement seems to be very good, remember last year this time? OH has to weigh up the situation, pun intended hee hee.

Well, after showing off yesterday about GS, he went to bed last night at 7.30 pm and decided to wake around 1 am.................still awake and playing at 3.30 am, WHAT????? That's what I get.............

Did wash curtains last week, hurrah and did go into town yesterday, so on the pretty good behaviour bench!

But the CBA bench calls me constantly.

Flu jab will be available so receptionist was wrong according to google, you will be invited by letter.

Oh my had the most horrible nightmare on Fri, never remember my dreams but will remember this one for a long time, was in my own horror story arrrgh!!!

Am really hoping there are some yummy things in the shed tonight..........xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Not 50+ here! Overheard lady in Dr's surgery asking for a flu jab and she was told she couldn't have one as she wasn't over 65 or medically vulnerable - even though she lives with, and cares for, her 80+ mother. So I didn't bother enquiring for me. OH gets his because of PD.

I've got my immunity from 22 years in Primary schools. 😁

He's happy to keep being fat and taking 4 tablets a day. We'll consult PD nurse when she rings next month. 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh my she looks beautiful😀.

Am agreeing with you entirely, too difficult at the moment to plan anything.........

It's ED's birthday next week and they had booked a couple of nights away, not to be, so they will stay home and be child free instead.

They are treating me to a New Year trip but honestly don't think that will be ok either.........

Am on the "should I" bench it's so near to the CBA bench which I seem to be hovering around at the moment, GS slept epically last night 8pm till 9am so I should be ready, steady go but am not haha.

Think they are doing from 50+ this year JCJ (I know you are only 40) but would give them a phone, I had my first letter in around 10 years of having jab, so appt next Sun at hospital instead of doctors.

Anything else about OH's meds?

There is an aroma wafting around the room and it's really not nice so bottom change methinks xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Glad it's been sorted. Benchland was beginning to resemble a bird's nest with all the feathers you'd been spitting! 😁 I've made them all into a snugly duvet.

I'm not eligible for a flu jab but OH has been told to have one in the past so I keep reminding him to book one. I think he's waiting to be invited again!

After extensive research, and nearly booking something, I have chickened out of trying to get to Norwich. It seems restrictions are tightening everywhere (Norecambe back in lockdown!) and I just daren't risk it... or potentially losing the money. So the girls are coming to us in mid November, Covid-19 regulations permitting. 🤞🏼

My colouring on "Happy Colour" this morning was this:


 Dink is on her holidays. She's had her hair done specially! 😂


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hello SpennellsFerris, and welcome to Benchland!

Am so sorry that you feel isolated and really think this forum will be useful to you. I think that we all need reassurance and of equal importance the need to express ourselves openly to people who understand. Helps tremendously.


Oh my gosh thank you for the punching bag, if I could have kicked it.............I would have haha.

It was resolved this afternoon, it wasn't my issue but had to step in because it was so unfair, that's why I was soooooooooooo very angry! Couldn't believe what I was being told..........

Am babysitting this weekend, youngest GS, then next weekend it's ED's children, HELP haha.

Have you had you flu jab JCJ?

Am off to put my feet up for a little while, have a muggatea and perhaps some chocolate, bliss xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hi SpennellsFerris, welcome to Benchland (and also the BCN forum - not to be confused with BCN=Breast Cancer Nurse: they didn't think that through when they renamed Breast Cancer Care?! 😁

You have definitely come to the right place for support. You do not need to feel isolated: we're all here for each other. The forum is a fantastic mine of information and support.

"Benchland" (this thread) was a much busier (and bonkers) place when we were all recently diagnosed 8 years ago, but is much quieter now. If you have a spare few days, and have a warped sense of humour, read the thread from the beginning. We got up to some mad things, made each other laugh, sometimes slightly hysterically, and got each other through the worst times. 

8 years - actually nearly 9 now - on and we all still have our wobbles. You never quite come back from the shock of hearing you have cancer when you thought everything was fine, so every new symptom is potentially terrifying. It's the same for all of us, although, usually, the new symptom is nothing to worry about really. I've been there. Several times! Currently awaiting my 3-yearly mammogram because I had my last annual one after 5 years. I'm still taking Tamoxifen (or Tapoxyfen as we call it!) so that's a reassurance. I'm half dreading when that stops, in 2022, as it'll feel like my safety net has been taken away!

KatyTC, I hope your problem has been sorted but I've put a punchbag next to the FF bench along with a bucket of chocolates and a vat of tea. I've soundproofed the area, so feel free to @#$%% at the top of your voice! 




Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I am new to the forum but I feel that it will be good to read other peoples stories and so  realised that one is not alone.  I believe that anyone who has been diagnosed with bc will have a myriad of mixed feelings and the level of treatment should in no way be used to judge how we all feel.  Although it is over 5 years since my story began the feelings of isolation are no more or less than there were on day one. 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah for fixing the tv😀, so if I ever have any issues I know who to call, thank goodness for you tube!!

Hope you are enjoying your lunch out and about.

Mine was ok, didn't think it was usual standard which is fab, am hoping it was an off day............

What a difference JCJ with your OH, tablets must be working brilliantly. If you go by train you don't have to faff about with your car so easier on you.


Am on the FF bench, am sooooooooooooooooo unbelievably angry, situation was meant to be resolved yesterday it wasn't, complaint issued and am meant to be contacted today. Am still waiting, grrrrrrrrrrr.

Can't talk about it because the rage it's unleashing..........it had better be sorted, that's all I'm saying xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah for docs diagnosing your ED's problem. I hope she's continuing to improve. 

I'm swallowing tapoxyfen fine, as long as I don't think about it! As soon as I even consider I might have a problem swallowing it, I'm doomed to at least a dozen attempts. How annoying are our brains sometimes?!

I can now add TV engineer to my CV. 😀 I fixed my TV cable! While I was decorating, I carefully kept my PVR (Freeview tele recorder) plugged into the electric and the aerial so that my "series link" reservations would still record. It was a pain having to work around it and avoid tripping over the cables but all for nothing because when I went to put everything back together, a message saying "NO or bad signal" was all I could get on the tele. I realised the plug at end of the aerial cable, where it fits into the machine, was broken. I Googled and YouTubed, ordered a new plug from Mr Futon's Emporium and fitted it when it arrived. Bingo! Working tele! Excuse me while I spend a wee moment on the smug bench. 😛

On Friday night, after we got back from his swimming, OH suddenly suggested that, as the French (red) tennis was on tele all weekend so he would be occupied, I might like to go and visit the girls for the weekend!! Of course I wanted to, but at such short notice I didn't think it was fair on them, and, to be honest, after months of doing nothing it threw me into a panic: *I* couldn't cope with the short notice! But it's a good sign and hopeful that I will be able to escape at some point in the future.

Tonight, I've been researching the possibility of us both going to visit. To drive (not sure he'll cope: it's a horrible journey and I can't avoid fast roads!) or risk the train. I've found a cottage that's 3/4 of the way there which might be manageable; we could stay for a few days and visit with the girls - or them with us - as it would be about 40mins drive from them. However, looking at the train website, it does seem reasonably safe and we could stay in the hotel we've used before where we have breakfast in our room: perfect social distancing; check in at the bar and then not have to have contact with anyone for the whole stay! It's only 5 minute car/taxi ride from there to their house. Dilemmas. I've renewed OH's senior railcard and bought mine (you didn't know you could get one at 40 did you? Hehehe). They'll pay for themselves in 3 journeys over the next 3 years, so even if we decide not to risk it.... Or another lockdown is announced.... they won't be wasted. 🤞🏼

Enjoy your scab-free lunch out. I'm out for lunch on Wednesday too: meeting my fellow retiree at the local garden centre again. 😁


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It's really good that OH feels much better, hopefully he will be back to normal size and feel the same with only 4?? Fingers crossed.

Are you now swallowing ta"poxy"fen without any bother?

ED has a diagnosis, woo hoo, skin has improved dramatically with treatment and stomach issues have all but disappeared. She came to my house last Sun (looked awful, as though she was having an allergic reaction face was swollen eyes half shut etc) I said to phone hospital, she did and had an appt later that evening Doc diagnosed her immediately, woo hoo for him as she has been backwards and forwards to our docs for years................she is now a very happy bunny.

Oooh room is lovely, you will need to put up pic with new duvet cover now haha. I use those sticky things for putting up pics now soooooooooo much easier.

Have been quiet this week, no GC, schools off and YD on holiday at home. Should really think about washing living room curtains because yesterday I noticed in the folds some sticky finger marks..............at the moment am only thinking cause I really CBA but now I know marks are there it will play with my head arrrrgh!!

Had my hair chopped didn't go too short because hairdresser said it's all about the styling so it seems to be working as I am not a flathead now haha.

Am not starting around mouth until next week simply because will be lunching and am not going all scabby haha. Had two giant scabby bits on Mon and was feeling a bit wary about even going to hairdressers, both fell off before I left, woo hoo, hope you are not having lunch hee hee xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ah, picture not so massive after all! 😁

Forgot to answer your Q: we don't know if reducing dose will reduce/cure OH's oedema, all we know is that it didn't happen until the dose was increased from 4 x 2mg tablets to 5 x. He's blowing up like a balloon - looks at least 10 months pregnant! - but he feels so much better than before he started these tablets, so I'm really hoping going back to 4 a day will sort it out. Really regretting getting rid of all his bigger trousers and buying smaller ones: he's already had 4" elastic put into 2 pairs. I stopped him getting the rest done because, hopefully, we will get him back to a more normal size and then they'll all be too big again!! 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

The room is finished. I hung the pictures back up today - scary because I'm not good with a hammer and I was terrified of leaving dents in the new paint! I am really happy with the end result - so much brighter and cheerier than the dull grey ES chose years ago (a shade darker than the carpet) I've been waiting to make this transformation for a long time: a nice way to mark the start of retirement. What next though? 

I have 3 cross stitch pictures that I finished in 2003, 2006 and 2010 respectively, and shoved into those cheap certificate clip frames: the ones that are just a sheet of glass and a backing board with 4 "silver" clips. They were filthy so I gave them a good clean before rehanging them. They look really naff in their new location so I visited Mr Futon's online emporium and have ordered 3 matching "oak" frames. Hopefully, they will better showcase the pictures - and all the hours of work involved sewing them! I've even decided where the owl cross stitch, which I'm currently doing, will go, when it's eventually finished! 20201006_170821.jpg

 sorry, picture seems to be massive and I can't work out how to resize it! The other quilt cover looks better, as it matches the curtains, but I forgot to change it for the "finished" photo. 

I timed 'operation decoration' perfectly because it has rained every day for a week, having been lovely for weeks beforehand, and the forecast is much better for tomorrow, so we can go out somewhere for a sit in the car/mini walk. We need to pick up OH's prescription too (these months come around sooo fast!) so I hope nothing goes wrong with the car this time: the last 2 times, the Fiesta wouldn't start and then the Polo had a flat tyre. 

Hope your mouth isn't too horrible, KTC (haha, I mean with the cream, not the words coming out of it 😉); at least you know it will improve because you've been there before with your leg and face. Hang in there. Soon be done. Wear the mask. xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Good that it is the meds, does the higher amount make a difference?

Ooooh you are painting, hopefully you are now finished, I also hated doing the gloss, think with emulsion you see difference immediately and that makes you happy haha. You will need to post a pic. 

And apple cake? yummy yum, thank you.

You are allowed a senior moment even though you are only 40..........

Must have had some sort of bug this week, tummy has been yucky, feeling much better today though.

Face also looks a lot better, next week it's mouth area oh no.........

Went to a nearby pretty shop today, oooh they must have had a delivery lots and lots of unusual things, had to leave quickly as I could have spent a fortune. Was telling ED and she says "just get it/them" that was my Mum's favourite saying so we all say it now haha.

Youngest GS will be 2 next week, can't believe it? He has graduated from the 0-2 years to 2-3 years at nursery, girls said he loved it. Won't see him as they are at home, just relying on the video call.

Ordered that time of year food this morning, hopefully I won't be eating it all myself haha.

Have to forget about having hair a little longer than usual, it's just not working so will be chopped on Mon hurrah xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Finally, Benchland has let me in! It wasn't playing ball earlier.

We still hadn't heard back from docs by this morning, so OH rang surgery. Doc rang him back quite quickly to say blood tests didn't find anything to worry about. No further action required. PD nurse has sent a letter informing us of a phone appointment at the end of October, so he can discuss whether to carry on with meds at current (waist/ankle/feet swelling) rate or to reduce back down to the 4 a day he was on before. 

I've spent the last 2 days decorating and I'm on the K bench!! It's only a small room, how can it possibly take so long? Part of the problem is that the walls are going from dark grey to a light blue/green: at least 2 coats of paint required.

I had a senior moment, this morning: very carefully painting around the top of the walls, with a paintbrush, before deploying the roller. Trying really hard to get a clean edge between the green and the white ceiling. As I turned the corner, I realised I'd started to, very carefully, paint the ceiling edge instead of the top of the wall. What?! Quick action with a damp rag saved the situation, but I'm still bemused about how I could be so stupid!

A bit more rollering tomorrow - hopefully I'll have enough paint - and then "just" the gloss to do. I hate that, though, because it's sooo fiddly and involves crawling around the floor, which my kn***ered old bones don't like. Then it'll take another day to put everything back in the room - the landing and our bedroom are currently full of the stuff!

Cake was either sherry cake or chocolate brownies - both homemade; I can't remember which was on the go at the time. There's some apple cake now, using our bramleys. I've put some in the shed. 


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ooh what kind of cake?? haha.

It'll be all finished now..........

Glad OH is being seen hopefully hospital appt will be soon, 5 inches is a lot, some meds just pile weight/water on etc.

Not had too much rain here but it's super cold, so cold last night teeth were chattering. Arrrgh!

CBA last night and nipped to chippie, still CBA today and do have to go into town.

Am all tidied up and should venture out now but just don't want to haha.

Face is still awful, finished the course next step all around the mouth, will wait until face calms down because it will not be pretty, thank goodness for the face masks! xx





Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Sitting in garage as the hail hammers down. Luckily, OH keeps a chair in here.  I literally JUST managed to finish mowing both 'lawns' and edging the front one. I knew rain was forecast so I was a bit speedy after fetching OH back from his library volunteering. Back edging will have to wait until it stops or, more likely, I can be a****!

Had to go to Dr with OH this morning. After his phone consultation with PD nurse, when she recommended contacting Dr about swollen ankles, feet and middle (he's put on 5" round his 'waist') we didn't bother, but Dr must have had the letter and surgery rang him to make an appointment. Had a phone appointment on Tuesday but Dr said he wanted to see him.

Lungs, heart, BP all listened to/checked and bloods taken to see if it's a heart issue. We're almost certain it's just the newest PD drug,  as this happened after the dose was increased, but it's good they're being thorough. Will probably have to have hospital appointment for ECG. 🙁

Not started the painting yet. Busy doing what I do best: procrastinating! Actually, it's one of those jobs that, once I start, I just want to see it through to the exclusion of everything else and what with shopping, Drs appointments, taxiing OH etc, I've not had a full day to get at it. Soon.

Still raining. The edging will have to wait until another day. Much too soggy now.

Contemplating a dash into house as I'm gagging for a mugatea and cake.


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Yes lunch was fab...............we were all eating on Mon then??

Had a sirloin steak ciabatta and salad then dessert choux pastry filled with icecream and pecan and toffee sauce, decadent or what??

Gosh that was brilliant after not swimming for such a long time😀

Are you painting now?

All went well yesterday, usual side effects nausea and headache, fell asleep in the afternoon then went to bed early cause still felt sicky, next morning (today) feeling fine, hurrah!

Cousin is coming down tomorrow, funeral next week, they are all heartbroken.

No word about post mortem, am assuming it will be a while before any results are known.

ED's tests all came back fine so follow up appt soon, there's something going on, it's nothing drastic but needs sorting..........

New book, The Guest List by same author (The Hunting Party) have only read a few pages, we'll see.

Only thing I had to buy for new buggy was a raincover so now if it rains the two monkeys won't get wet haha.

On the "what are you doing??" bench, liked a sideboard from same company as bookcase have looked at it frequently over the last couple of months, when I checked it this morning price had reduced by £120!!! woo hoo so it's ordered won't be delivered until Dec but that will give me plenty of time to rearrange. Think I will end up with one small piece I will have to get rid off, ED was looking at it so she may have a place for it, otherwise charity shop xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Forgot to say: while GD was at nursery for her 1st full day, her parents snuck out for a sneaky adult lunch to a place recommended by DIL's friend. It turned out to be the hotel we stayed at last time we visited! This was the first time since GD was born that they've been out together without her! It seems the food was delicious.... Not just GD stuffing her face then! 😂


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope you had a lovely lunch. 

That's the great thing about having to wear a mask: you can hide your messy face behind it. No, seriously, just be glad the cream is doing its thing. The alternative would be worse!! 

Hope lido goes OK. No cannula nightmares and no ickiness after. 

I've been swimming. It was wonderful to be in the water again, at last, but after 6 months of not going (walking doesn't use the same muscles!) my arms were screaming at me after 3 lengths. I managed to do 56 lengths in 55 minutes, so although it's not the 70 I was doing, I'm pretty impressed with myself. Whether I shall be able to move tomorrow is another matter!!

I've bought the paint for my room today: Du**x "mint macaroon" for the walls, white for the ceiling, skirting boards and door frame. So even if we do have another lockdown I can still get on with it. Won't start it tomorrow because we need a supermarket shop. I hope people haven't been panic buying again!

GD had her 1st full day at nursery today and came home with a report card! YD sent me a photo of it. Apparently, GD was happy, it listed several activities she enjoyed and all the snacks/meals she had. She had seconds at every food time and ate the lot. Definitely my GD!! 😁


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hahahaha, what are you like???

Neighbours at their windows watching your ninja moves...........hee hee.

Woo hoo for your swimming, have fun, hopefully quiet time for you.

Glad GD enjoyed nursery, on Fri GS didn't cry? We'll see, not quite believing it.


Am a "lady who lunches" today, maybe last time for a while cause who knows what's happening?

So had better enjoy haha.

Lido tomorrow, hurrah!! In new ward you have a bed so may lie down for a while, comfy, comfy.

No, face is a mess.........especially my nose cause obviously very visible.........xx



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah! I've booked to go swimming tomorrow evening. Yeh! 6 months since I last went. I'm going to have to do some serious deforestation on the old bod because I look like a gorilla from the knee up! 😂 The Thursday Ladies only session that I used to go to no longer exists 😕 so I've had to swap to Mondays. Hopefully, some of the familiar faces will swap too.

They charged me full price - there doesn't seem to be a concessionary (fogies) discount on the online booking. Ah well, I suppose that makes up for the years they've charged me concessionary rates when I wasn't really eligible.

Last night I was chasing apples down the road wearing my SU2C "Star Baker" apron and flip flops (I did have clothes on too!) because, when I was cooking dinner, I looked out of the window and noticed a plastic carrier bag blowing about. Oops. That's one of ours. Hang on! Where's the apple tub gone? Oh no! Either some twonk has run off with it, or it's blown away! I went out to investigate and saw that the empty tub had blown 100yds UP the road whilst the remaining apples and rolled DOWN the road and the bags were blowing everywhere. DOH. I collected them all in. They've gone out again this afternoon and they've all been taken except 1: the one that got the most bruised during  the escape attempt!


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I can just see you in your full BENCHLAND party regalia twirling the buggy above your head, balanced on your little finger! 😂 Maybe with a sweary sparkler in the other hand? 

Fingers crossed that ED's tests don't throw up anything scary and that they can fix her "issues". Hope YD's tooth is recovering. Ouchy indeed. I had to have my wisdom teeth out, so I can sympathise.

We are back home now. It is still sunny but there's a cold wind blowing. I picked all rest of the apples off the tree before they fell off in the wind and got bruised. I put them in a couple of old plastic tubs, with a "help yourself" sign on them, at the end of our drive. Half of them have gone already.

Glad your cream is working, and I'm sure your face doesn't look as much of a mess as you think it does, especially if it feels like it's burning. Is your leg OK now?

OH actually went swimming tonight! First time in nearly 6 months. He didn't go to his usual pool, 10 miles away, because his friend wasn't going anyway, so he went to the nearer one that I go to. I was glad about that because I'm tired after driving back from holiday and I don't like driving in the dark very much - and it was even more wearing in the new car - all those strange red lights on the dashboard and steering wheel: so distracting! My ladies swim, on a Thursday night, no longer exists so I'll have to go to a different session, probably ladies only on Monday at 7pm. I'll probably keep going for a walk on Thursdays too. Maybe. Although it's tougher to do that now it's getting darker earlier. 

My friend (the one I had lunch with last week) was supposed to be at a W****rs (famous film brothers) Hotel holiday (the ones for retired people: no children allowed) near Harrogate this week. They went on Monday, expecting to stay until Friday, but everyone was sent home on Tuesday afternoon because the hotel had to close due to staff members self-isolating with Covid-19 symptoms! Oh no! No confirmed cases yet, apparently, but my friend has to be sooooo careful because she is diabetic and therefore at greater risk.

It makes me realise how lucky we were to get nearly 2 weeks away uninterrupted. The rest of September is very empty on my kitchen calendar though. 😐

DIL and GD both had to have Covid-19 tests. Both negative. Phew! GD did 2 settling in sessions at nursery, 2 hours each, on Monday and Wednesday, and she has 2 more next week, then she will be there all day Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm told she loves it: when they ALL went, for a taster session, GD was rattling the gate when they had to leave, trying to get back in to have sandwiches with the other little ones. Definitely my GD - wants to be where the food is?! 😁


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

New buggy is fabulous..............what a difference, you can swing it around with your pinkie.........

Really beautiful day here, walked up to get GS was just enjoying the warmth, no jacket worn, woo hoo!

Bad point my face was and still is on fire, have another week to go and I am a complete scabby mess, my hair fortunately hides a lot of it. It's def working.

YD had to have tooth removed, her wisdom tooth is growing on top of the tooth causing abscess, ouch, her face was pretty swollen last night but all good today!

ED is also having some issues so she had lots of tests last week and results should be in on Mon, just a wait and see..........xx




Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

No nothing to do with covid, his red blood cells were being attacked. So very shocking, am still in disbelief. There is going to be an autopsy to try and figure out what happened and why nothing worked at all.


Oooh a present..........did you admire the £6000 one? hahaha!!

So glad weather has been good really makes all the difference.

When this holiday ends you won't have to rush around organising yourself for Monday, woo hoo!

Have a new twin buggy, the other was very neat but oh so heavy............really struggled to move it around. This one you can twirl it around using one hand haha. Haven't had them out in it as it really is for emergencies which is not very often. Neighbour was moving and asked if I could use it, was delighted, fingers crossed.

YD has a huge abscess, emergency dental appt tomorrow.

Did your GD start nursery? xx





Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh dear. That's terribly sad about your cousin's daughter's partner. When you said he was very ill, I assumed he had been for a while, but 3 weeks? That's awful. Was it COVID-19 related? 

Car behaved beautifully getting us to our holiday cottage and I'm managing to turn it round in an odd shaped space; I'm gradually getting used to all the beeping noises from the parking sensors all round the car. 

Walked to the nearby little shop for bread and milk, this morning, (they close at 1 or 2PM every day- if they're open at all!) and when I walked back past the car, I noticed several scratch marks on the back bumper! I know I haven't put them there! Don't know if they've been there since I bought it and I've just never seen them, or if some careless ****** has done it whilst it's been parked somewhere. Ah well. It's just a car,  I've got to stop thinking about how much it cost! VERY glad I didn't let OH persuade me to buy a brand new one!!

The weather has been brilliant. Warm and sunny ‐ spent most of the time in the courtyard outside our cottage. It's not quite as idyllic as the garden where we were 2 weeks ago because we're adjoining the owners' house and they need to regularly access the shared utility in "our" courtyard. No sitting out here in my dressing gown this week! 😊 We are invited to share their lovely garden but I'm not really comfortable doing that!

Not doing very much. Couple of cafe visits for tea and cake and last night we went to the pub for dinner - probably the first time since August last year. There's an art gallery within walking distance, (even for OH!) and we went and had a browse in there on Sunday. Some nice things but nothing I would pay the eye-watering prices for (one painting was £6000!!)  When we came out, I left OH to make his way back to the cottage while I went to explore the village. Apparently, he went back in the gallery and bought something which we have to collect on Thursday. Oh lordy! I dread to think what he bought. Or how much he spent! 😱 I suspect it's my Christmas present (oops! Shh. Too soon) and his taste is VERY different to mine. Practicing my grateful face!



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope you are having a lovely time😀 and weather is behaving. It's better at the moment here today, no sunshine but no gale force winds haha. Had to put heating on just too chilly this weekend...........

How was car journey in new car? Are you in a cottage?

Ladies who lunch, my favourite pastime...........

Jaunt into town today, not too much to do but will be happy to stroll around for a little while.

Very sad news cousins daughter's partner has died, so shocked and feel desperately sad for them all. They had just purchased a new house which he did not live in, the day of removal was the day he was admitted to hospital, she has just qualified and has a new job, they had lots of plans for their lives together and everything was falling into place. It's only just under 3 weeks since he became unwell, after so many tests, induced coma, blood transfusions, auto immune drugs and a new wonder drug, nothing worked and they still had no idea why he was so ill. I still can't believe it xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Socks that need handwashing!! Whatever next? What are they made of..... Gold?! I bet it's just to cover themselves if they fall apart when washed: they can say "it says to hand-wash". I'd shove them in my "synthetics" or "delicates" wash (depending which was going on!) and hope for the best!

Questions, questions, questions! 😛 I've only packed the food bag so far (essentials first? 😀) because we can't get to the cottage before 5pm (FIVE ???!!! It's a good job we're not just going for the weekend!) so I can pack everything else tomorrow: we won't need to leave until at least 2:30pm. Google maps says it's a 1 1/2 hour drive, so even allowing for old anxiety pants in the back (I stay below 60mph at all times when he's in the car) we shouldn't take more than 2 1/2 - though I suspect we'll stop somewhere en route for a cuppa - from the flask if necessary. The suitcases are still out and partially packed from last week.

I've spent most of the afternoon picking the bramley apples off our tree and either wrapping them in newspaper to store in a box (only the unblemished ones) or peeling, coring and slicing them for the freezer. Tons of the bu*****. Usually, I do a few a day, as they're ready, but I knew in a week's time they'd be all fallen on the ground and bruised so I just had to go for it.  There's still quite a few left on the tree but they can just take they're chance - I've got enough stored now so we'll probably only give those ones away. 

I'll decorate my room after we get back from holiday; it will give me something to do when all the excitement is over. 

I don't think I've really registered that I'm retired as the first 6 weeks were school holidays anyway, then we've been busy with being away and sorting the car out. I do see the kids coming home from the local schools, past our house, at 3pm and realise I've barely done anything with my day! I don't know where the time goes!

Yesterday, I had lunch at a local garden centre with the other TA that retired. We had a nice egg mayo baguette and cup of tea each and a good catch up. We've promised ourselves that we'll do it once a month. Ladies who lunch! 😁


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

House is in complete chaos...........

Hump & Dink both residing here, help!!!

Am a little quiet here, GD is asleep and GS is at nursery, so am enjoying the moment haha.

No handbag mmmmmmm, will be tomorrow and will be out so will miss delivery, ah well what's another day.

Also purchased new socks, read the washing instructions and it states hand wash only, what?? Who hand washes their socks?

It's a very grey day here, prob same colour as your car haha.

Are you busy packing?

Do you leave late this time?

Are you enjoying your retirement?

When are you doing the bedroom? xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)



Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Because I was at the park today, I missed postman, there was a card left saying my neighbour had parcel, so just popped up to get it 2 mins ago................

Woo hoo what a surprise and it did bring a huge smile to my face, thank you so very, very much xx

Still smiling😁!!


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

glad you are enjoying new car and zipping around happily😀

have been to park today with gs, he can sit for aggggggggggges just playing with sticks and stones, so found a bench and sat there watching him, he was babbling away quite the thing haha. it's tired him out cause he's been asleep for a while now, which isn't good but can't waken him up, that's just asking for trouble..........

have had reaction to cream, same one as for leg, my face is on fire haha. ed says its looking a little angry. well at least i know it's working.

ordered a new handbag, my one that i use all the time is getting a little tatty, should be here tomorrow, am all excited hee hee xx


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah for tele and broadband fixed. Not sure I'd have liked to be the manager of that shop when you were on the warpath! 😛 Good you went back to say thank you.

Been out to town in new car. Couldn't find it in the supermarket carpark because I was automatically looking for a slightly smaller, scruffier, blue car. Polo is dark grey and very shiny after its full valet yesterday. It also looks bigger because the wheels are bigger so it's higher off the ground. Loving it so far, but I'm still very nervous of pranging it. At least OH decided not to come with me so that was one less anxiety to worry about!

Supermarket toilets now open again. Hurrah. Just as well... see previous about nerves! 😁

We go to the Peak District on Friday, for a week. The weather forecast, at least as far as Monday, looks good. 🤞🏼


Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah, have you been out and about yet? What colour is it?? Was it valeted?

Oh my gosh just makes your blood boil..................you always think what have I done?? Should I have kept old car??? Thank goodness it's all done, now you can enjoy.

When do you leave? And how long are you off for this time?


Well, ended up basically stating I was not leaving shop until something was sorted regarding tv, was on an angry roll..............

It was all fixed this morning, woo hoo, they had put cable in the wrong place. They are supposed to be installation people??

Went back into store and thanked man for getting things organised, customers do appreciate concerns taken seriously argh!!

Have GD beside me at the moment and there is a special aroma circulating.............so a change needed asap.

She is in nursery 3 days and GS is 1 & 1/2 days, hopefully your little one will be in next week. GD goes in no bother, GS screams his head off. 

Had to stop and do a change smell was a little pungent haha.

Cousins daughters partner still not ok, they now know what it is but do not know the reason why it's happening to be able to stop it. He is out of induced coma at the moment, terribly worrying xx