stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

[katytc]

Lovely to see you back Sarah, just be careful of the blue whizzzzzzzz mean machine.
Sitting on the "hysterical" bench to day am I laughing or crying???
I think I'm laughing which is pretty sad, oh dear, brain seems to be in a weird place, in a good way I think xx

[cromercrab]

Ooooooo what a lovely welcome back. The shannanigans with this site made me almost give up on it. I'm lunching with Twinky today. Ive been in hospital with neutropenic sepsis, that was 2 months ago. Acquired anemia and it's only now I'm feeling a lot more chipper. My treatment has not been that successful but I'm being an ostrich as I'm waiting for an appt for a ct scan. Bleuch

X sarah

[RevCat]

Welcome back Sarah/Cromey, I've really missed you (and you little mouse with a broom) and was actually starting to worry about you. So glad to see you posting, and that you have a few spoons to play with.

I am on the bewildered bench today. Deeply saddened by the sudden death of Elttiks (Aly) who waas diagnosed after me and several years younger. Her incisive wit (phrase stolen from Ninja), humour and generosity of spirit will be much missed on here and, indeed, on Facebook. Also a real world friend has just been diagnsoed with a degenerative condition that will limit their life expectancy to less than five years. I have so much to be grateful for, and each of these reminds me to carpe diem, with which I'm sure Eltticks, and others, would concur.

So, lunch break then back to real world work!

[ChoccieMuffin]

Crabbie! Long time no hear/read/speak! How are you doing? Hope the spoon delivery finds you well. I noticed a rather large thwacking ladle heading in your direction, just hope you managed to duck in time - those things hurt!

[cromercrab]

Greetings to all in bench land. I've been absent for a while I know. My cutlery drawer has been depleted for months but now I have a few spoons to play with. Haven't read up on whats going on yet but saw the latest post by CM and thought I'd say hi

X Sarah

[ChoccieMuffin]

Oi, stop having a go at my new toy! It comes fitted with a spoon dispenser, so some of the clatter and racket you hear is the spoons hitting the deck as I whizz past! Sounds like a few people need to gather up a few spoons, there's been far too much activity going on out there.

And I did squash a few alligators on the way round, which made rather a mess, but fortunately didn't take too long to clean off. It's amazing what a bucket and a sponge can achieve.

I'm helping a friend with her PhD thesis (just formatting and proofreading) so my poor brain is feeling a bit fried - haven't had to do any actual THINKING for so long, I'd almost forgotten how to!

Right then, back to it, traipsing round Benchland isn't getting the document edited...

[pargayan]

Hi GI Jane
Over the last three years since my original dx and mx, I have purchased 2 softies made with small beans from nicola jane. The first one I grew out of as my remaining boob stretched and grew (when I put some weight on), so I bought a larger one earlier this year. Since I bought the Genie bras and have had radiotherapy I have been wearing it with the strap tucked in on my mx side with my softie in the pocket and lo and behold it tends to hang in the same position as my real boob and has been a godsend due to my sore underarm and collarbone. I consider them cheap compared to the heavy falsies in the hundreds. The last one was either 24.50 or 29.99 I cannot remember which one I bought - can't remember much so far this year!
If you are big chested they are not that good in an ordinary pocketed bra as they tend to ride quite high - my exisiting boob sits very low in my bras for some reason, but are great in the genies with the strap down. I find the free NHS ones so heavy they do not work in my genie. Sorry for rambling.

JCJ thanks for the shortbread they taste fine to me.

[GIJaneH]

cheap softies? Where?
On the lopsided bench with MY Genie bras!!!!

[foxyferret]

Thanks for the websites,,Pargayan, I've had a look but don't know whats best for me. Will now start finding out about it all.

My family have all been over today and it's been bedlam here. I am now relishing the peace and quiet and wondering if they've left me anything to eat! They were not coming for a meal, or even at a meal time, but they've managed to eat several rolls,most of the cheese I had left, all of the ham I had left, two packets of biscuits, eight packets of crisps, a whole fruit cake oh and three quarters of a loaf of bread and a pack of crumpets.
They didn't want to "put me to any trouble in making a meal" but I think it might have been easier and CHEAPER! Need to go shopping tomorrow - it's a good job I love them!

Hope you all have a good week.

[JCJ]

No, Pargayan, I think it's YOU absorbing the red wine, not the cupcakes! 🙂

I've made some shortbread to go with our fresh fruit salad and icecream for Sunday Dinner desert (CBA to cook a 'proper' pudding - see below!!) I've slightly overcooked it, but I'm pretending it's SUPPOSED to be brown. It tastes OK, so I'll leave some on the refreshment table. Help yourselves!

Son, his girlfriend and 4-year-old just left after spending most of yesterday and today with us. Now to cram in enough rest and recovery to tackle the next week at work!

Soooo tired again all of a sudden. Just when I think I'm back to 'normal' - yes, I know, we've HAD that deiscussion before! 🙂

[pargayan]

Hi FoxyFerret
I am really enjoying the cupcakes you have found. They are absorbing the red wine beautifully!! hic!!!!

It is not good that you have waited for so long for a prothesis. When I had my MX I got my 1st prothesis 4 weks later and I got my soft one on the day I had my MX.

I have since found some cheap soft ones that fit into the Genie bras I have bought from BHS. Nicloa Jane or Amoena also sell partial prothesis but as I had a total MX van only comment on this.
Thank you for sharing, hic .... with a flush as well!!!

[foxyferret]

I hope this posts as I I have had trouble with this site tonight. I am FF on the FF bench. I was just idly browsing earlier today and I found out that my Breast care nurse should have given me an appointment for a partial prosthesis six weeks after my WLE. I've spent four months stuffing my bra with socks when I could have had a prosthesis that fitted!!
I wasn't told, I didn't know, I thought prosthesis were only given to ladies with full mastectomy. I don't know whether to laugh or cry but my BCN will be getting a phone call on Monday.

On a happier note G&T. whisky? what does it matter just enjoy it Grumpy.
Katy, where are you going?
Pargayan - I've saved some cupcakes, as we're on the same bench, we'll share.

[pargayan]

On the FF bench - fed up with this site as keep losing long posts - grrrhhhhh!!
Fed up with treatment - just finished 25 rads and skin was holding up ok and OH accidentally gave me a chinese burn with a bed sheet in the middle of the night and ripped some skin on my collarbone - grrrrrhhhhhhh!!!!!
Fed up with hospitals - seem to have spent all this year so far there and have 15 more herceptins to look forward to - anger balloon is now starting to deflate so now slumped on the bench - cannot decide if I need the csl bench.
All the cupcakes seem to be gone - I suspect the draught from a roaring blue streaking machine has caused then to roll away.

[grumpy]

Sitting on the Smug Bench - just logged on via BT-FON. It's really clever so I can keep in touch with ladies while I'm on hols in whisky land. Actually it was G&T after the school concert.....
Talking Lady on Thurs was great, she really is helping me sort out my head. It's like I know whatt needs doing just need a kick up the doings to actually DO it.
grumpy

[katytc]

YAHOOO BE DOOOOOBY, Just booked next years holiday!! Head's been a bit messy this week but being an optimist wins hands down!!! Thank you to all the kind ladies who made me see sense and get me out of the panic mode. xx

[JCJ]

Been on the CBA TFIFriday bench since 2pm watching Paralympics. So humbled by these wonderful people. I make such a fuss about missing a chunk of 1 boob and they have lost limbs and still achieve more than I ever will!!

I got sent home early today from school - no, not for bad behaviour, as my son (27) so rudely suggested! - but because despite only just coming off a phased return, I'd worked over an hour late on Wed and an hour and a half late yesterday sorting ICT probelms.

My HT texted me last night to tell me to go home at lunchtime today, as it was my PPA (ie time out of class to plan, prepare and mark) this afternoon. I was quite touched, until I discovered she texted the rest of the staff at the same time to suggest a chippy lunch. Well! Now I feel left out!! S*d em! Had my own chippy tea - (as I normally do on a Friday anyway! :))

Hoovering??? In Benchland - surely we are saved from such everyday chores? Do we need to get some of those automated ones? Or perhaps we can attach something to the back of that blue machine that keeps roaring around, then it can clean up after itself?

[katytc]

Bonjour Ali, had a wee giggle re fancy nightie????
Quiet day today, been busy last couple of days so am back on the CBA bench for at least another hour then over to the motivation bench, then finally to the "have to go shopping" bench!!
What a mess in Benchland biscuit crumbs everywhere, squashed alligators, and tyre skid marks (must be trying to avoid all the loose marbles rolling around).
Must be CM on her high powered, super duper, fantastically mean machine , will have to get the hoover out xx

[Ali_H]

So, here I am in France and the wonders of modern technology (aka teenage son) mean I can still be here too.... Confession time. I have had wine, cheese and macaroons.....delicious!!!!! Decided it's my holiday and a treat is called for.
Managed to pack eventually, forgot beach shoes though, oh well. We are staying in a rented house, the upstairs bedrooms are open plan, so our son's room leads directly off ours, which is over my mum in laws room.... Guess the fancy nightie can go back in the case then 😉

[vercors]

OK OK, you can have it back. Where shall I go? Somewhere elevated, I don't want the mean machine's fume in my face; or is it fumeless? Actually, I am staying, I fancy an earl grey with biscuits; digestives will do. I won't it any of the cakes which ended up on the floor after CM's wheelie.
Need to get a bit more energy for this week end. Son turning 15 and I will be walking 10 km.

[JCJ]

Vercors you finished on the KB? I vacated it for you as I had to go to work, but having been there, and stayed late - again! - another ICT crisis! - I'm in desperate need of it once more. If you need it too, just shuffle up and I'll bring tea and (calorie negative) confectionary sustenance.

Thank **** for freezers and shop bought pies 'cos that's what we're having for dinner (the pie, not the freezer!). Just got to rustle some veg together - that's all I've got the energy for! May sit in the garden while the oven warms up - or maybe not - garden is more than 6 feet away!!

VROOOM CRASH - WATCH OUT Choccie - tea and cake spilt everywhere now! 🙂 The mental image of you kicking self up nether regions made me chuckle - surprised it was only one thing, and only nearly dislocated!!

GIJ it's FRIDAY tomorrow, so this week's only got one more get up! Hooray!

[ChoccieMuffin]

vercors, glad you're sorted with your portacath. I STILL have mine, though have asked my lovely breast surgeon if she'll whip it out for me, as her needlework's so much better than the bloke who put it in... she said she'd see what she could do! I'm all done with my Herceptin so I don't need it, but by the sound of things they've decided to let you get started on it again - well done you.

Weather's lovely, so why am I slobbing out on my sofa doing nothing? Should be out playing on my bike!

Yup, a swift kick up the nether regions delivered to myself (nearly dislocated something doing it but it was needed) so I'm going to put on my kit, get my keys and go out for a spin. Fingers in ears, ladies, here I come - VVVRRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

[vercors]

Ali H, usually North of France has a similar weather to the South of England. At the minute it is gorgeous in both places. So pack a bit of everything...
Got my port a cath fitted, all went well; I need The knackered bench JCJ, please move on! chop chop. Or do I need to share?
RevCat, thanks for the calorie free cupcake. Trying to lose weight, not sure it is working.

[GIJaneH]

Ali- trousers..... spare t shirt...... night attire? books... have to pack books (well, I do!) (or kindle0

glad you're not SO grumpy Grumpy! Whisky sounds good (though I hate the stuff!) Still sounds like a good break.. it IS Friday isn't it? it ISN'T? Oh b **m...

have a great day
love Jane

[foxyferret]

Ali - just pack your whole wardrobe, that will cover everything!

JCJ - No, sorry it's not Friday yet.

Grumpy - enjoy whisky land.... but not too much.

Well, work (that well known four letter word.) I went off sick prior to my op on March16th and have worked as and when I've been able to since then. School holidays I've done flexitime. Now with the new term starting I have to go back to the old regime of every day at certain times.............and I just can't get my head round it..........every day????
Suppose I'll get used to it again.
Just want to say that my wooden floors look absolutely fantastic and they'll be trashed inside three weeks!! Why do I bother? Oh yeah, I know - pride in my job.

Off to watch more paralympics. Go Team GB.

[grumpy]

Just a quick post, off to the theatre and wearing Real Clothes!!
Barley has got antibiotics to take, and Vaseline to rub on the scabby crusty bits of her nose - not pleased, and Millie is jealous so I have to rub a bit on her nose as well.
Seeing Talking Lady tomorrow, so hoping to be calm for jollies in whisky land on Friday - Edinburgh, Fife and Pitlochry.
HURRAY
grumpy (only a little bit)

[JCJ]

Ali - it's no use asking me what to pack for a holiday as it'd be jumpers and wellies every time! Weather ALWAYS c**ps out every time I go on holiday.

Choccie - if you MUST try to ride around the kitchen on the washing machine what do you expect?? 🙂

Just won back sopme brownie points at work by fixing t'internet - (after half an hour on phone to tech support!) - didn't even need to thwack it with one of RevCat's ladles (though it got close!) I am now everyone's best friend. 🙂 On kn***ered bench now though! Is it Friday yet??

[ChoccieMuffin]

Sorry, ladies. Can't help myself, it's just so much fun! I even got the screwdriver out and adjusted the carburretor's idle speed, after a bit of guidance from bike-expert OH.

Sadly, my feeble attempts to fix my washing machine a couple of weeks ago were fruitless. I ended up paying a bloke to come and look at it, as the part I'd bought and fitted still didn't fix the problem. So it cost me £48 for him to tell me it was beyond repair. Bah! New one being delivered on Friday.

[Ali_H]

On the 'huh???' bench.... I'm packing to go on holiday tomorrow. Normally it's easy - go somewhere hot, pack 2 bikinis, 7 clean pairs pants, factor 50 lotion and a baggy White t shirt. So, we're going to northern France...don't think I'll need the bikinis. So far have packed the pants, spare non-bouncy sports bra for the new boob, strappy tops for when I have a hot moment, a cardi for when I don't...and now I'm stuck. Any ideas gratefully received!

[RevCat]

Just dropping by with a new order of spoons, ladles (lots of ladles), hankies, calorie-free cupcakes and anything else I'm meant to be repsonsible for!

Clonidine for flushes not having much effect for me so far (breast clinic suggested I give it a go) so amybe I'll just about hold on to my place in the synghro team for a while yet. Still nearly two weeks to wait for gynae app but thankfully it is not (yet) creating too much angst.

Enjoying the paralympics but not the ads; even the BT amabassdor bits are getting boring now! Some amazing and inspiriing people.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm whizz.... what was that? Oh CM roaoring by on her mean machine.

Hugs to all, especially those with waits, worries and struggles. Back to work now...

[JCJ]

Thanks for your help girls! Got back home to an email from pensions saying my query had been forwarded to ____(name witheld) and she (I think! - unusual forename!) would be contacting me as soon as possible. AND an email from______ which was a reply to the forwarded email WITH NOTHING ON IT!! OMG! These are the people looking after MY money!

I replied a bit sharply, indicating my level of un-impressedness (yes, I know that's not a word - and I was rather more articulate in my email!! - if somewhat more succinct!) and got an immediate reply telling me that the pension statement in question is JUST for SOME of the pension I accrued at my last school (I did several different jobs, simultaneously at times, during that time!!: TA, HLTA, Lunchtime Supervisor). I have now asked whether I will get separate benefit statements for the REST of my pension.

But at least I'm on the slightly relieved bench: that they've not lost track of all my pension payments for the last 4 years, and more than half from previous 2 years, and I won't have to work FOREVER to amass enough to retire on! 🙂
2nd day at work completed. Another training day. Now I'm bracing myself for the children's return tomorrow. Feeling exhausted just LOOKING at the timetable for the next 8 weeks!!
VROOOOM! What was that blue streak?? Oh Choccie! Keep the noise down I've got a headache! 🙂

Enjoy your jollies, Grumpy and I hope Barney behaves at the V.E.T.

[katytc]

What was that????????????????????xx

[katytc]

Janice, wahoooooooooooo!!! No running about today use this time to rest wisely, if you feel tired have a nap, your body will let you know haha!!
grumpy glad you are getting the help you need, I see a pain psychologist and he has really helped, doesn't take the pain away but somethings I see in a completely different mode now. Enjoy your time away.
FF hope you are not too tired, sending you some of those special spoons.
JCJ, union is a good idea, if your coach does pass through I WILL be waving!!
Well shot off the "CBA" bench this morning feather dusted, dusted, hoovered and even did a wee bit of the dreaded ironing, so am now sitting very smugly on the "smug" bench.
Keeping busy to stay off the "worry" bench, YD is not enjoying hol and was pretty upset yesterday, makes my stomach flip, I'm hoping she feels better today, really hoping.
One happy moment my GD (5) lost her first baby tooth, took lots and lots of pictures of her gummy mouth, she was soooooooooooo excited!!! When things don't look too good she can always bring a big smile to my face. Showed her my new crown it's gold (not real gold) and she was totally amazed, I'm def some super hero to her.........xx

[ChoccieMuffin]

VVVRRROOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!

[grumpy]

JCJ - join the union NOW it's painless and not expensive, I think it's UNISON for non-teaching staff. The pension schemes are actually quite straightforward but you do need to know how to handle them to your own advanatge (voice of experience - I took the actuarily-reduce pension and could have lost a lot of cash without union guidance re forms to fill in etc)
Ladies - yes I am getting more sorted in my mind, and I am so grateful for your wisdom and encouraging comments. I know I want to look nicer for ME, and I know that is my entitlement.... rather liberating!
Will be off-line for a few weeks for jollies in Fife and Co Durham, and Barley is going to the vet tomorrow about her crusty nose but please don't look as she is a bit sensitive about it.
And next door's builders are 'knocking through' so the noise is a bit grim.....
nighty-night

grumpy

[JCJ]

Thanks Grumpy. I'm "non-teaching staff" (ha ha!) as I'm a High Level Teaching Assistant, and I'm not in a union. However, I have emailed the address given on the letter to ask for an explanation. If I don't hear in the next couple of days, I'll phone the number on the Warwickshire.gov pensions website.

I hope you are feeling a bit calmer now Grumps?

Well done Lottie for getting through treatment! (sorry, if that sounds too patronising!) Tiredness after rads peaks at two weeks after treatment finishes, (I was cream crackered until at least 3 weeks after!) so make sure you take your phased return at a pace you can handle and be honest with yourself and your employers about your energy levels.

[lottie63]

Im on the happy but aprehensive bench today , last rads today and no appointments until 16th oct , DX was feb and I have been on the bc rollercoaster ever since , and now , well now I just dont know !! I sort of feel in no mans land ... Back to work on a phased return in 2 weeks time so I guess its enjoy what summer we have left as missed any sun we had in the chemo fog , but I heard through the grapevine we didnt have much this year 😞
Very uplifting to read all posts from other Bcc members finishing their treatments etc , onwards and upwards and respect to each and everyone of us


Janice x

[grumpy]

JCJ - ring your Union office, they have experts on the Teachers Pension Scheme who will be able to tell you what's what and waht you need to do.
grumpy

[JCJ]

Half tidied Katy?! Well done! I thought you were on the CBA bench yet you managed to tidy half the house! - better than me - but I'm back at work today, so I've got an excuse.

We are staying at the Highland Hotel, Strathpeffer (if that's how you spell it!) with Shearings - so if you see a Shearings coach pass you on 29th October or 2nd November, it could be us!! Two "Scenic Drive" trips out: Spey Valley and Black Isle.

School was fun - DT training. We had to make moving toys. Ours was naff in the extreme, but we had a laugh making it, and nobody severed any limbs or digits with the equipment! 🙂

I'm on the confused bench. Just got home to a letter from Warwickshire Pension fund: "Deferred Pension Yearly Benefit Statement 2012" in which it states "Date of Leaving: 30 August 2008". This is a bit worrying, as on 30/8/08 I mererly changed schools within Warwickshire, so surely my pension should just have continued?? I don't want to make an eejit of myself by ringing to correct it, if this is right and just refers to my pension from my old school (hence deferred?). However, don't want to be paying over £100 a month to the pension fund and only getting £172 PER YEAR from 2025!! No wonder people were striking?!

Any Benchlanders work in pensions and can expalin it to my feeble brain (can't even blame chemo!)? - before I set the alligators on the WCC! 🙂

[katytc]

Ali, I maybe wrong but I don't think there's a "NORMAL" bench in Benchland, still drinking tea but house half tidied xx

[Ali_H]

Normal.... Normal....normal??? No, doesn't ring any bells with me, sorry 😉

[katytc]

Oh dreary, dreary me firmly placed on the "CBA" bench this morning, motivation needed, well I have been getting up to put the kettle on!! xx

[GIJaneH]

Woo - what a lot going on at the Benches! Definitly NO cooling off in the lake!!!! Cackles, glad the counselling was helpful.. interestingly, I had a play with some clay the other week, and made a "figure". It was a she... (can't do legs, so did a skirt!) I stuck arms on the figure... then shoulders... then the back of the shoulders,and finally tried the boobs. COULD I give her two???? No matter ho much extra clay I put on, she was lopsided! weird! I also did a "freestyle" painting - which turned out to be all BCC colours and shapes. doubly weird.... Normal? Me? Yes! whatever that is! Good luck at school today JCJ - going to a Governor's presentation at OFSTED at lunchtime!

take care ladies - no paddling.... Paralympics bench is frustrating and inspiring by turns. Recording's a good idea!

Jane

[foxyferret]

JCJ - best wishes to you - you will be ok, I'm sending you positive vibes. You will cope and you have your trip to look forward to, 30 years , pearl anniversary, is something to celebrate.

[katytc]

JCJ, never ever ever go into the lake, there's an awful lot of guilt in there.
Where are you going?
You may pass through my city, if you see a crazy nut waving madly it maybe me xx

[foxyferret]

Thanks Katy, Yes ,I'm back on the "happy" bench tonight I've a lot to be thankful for.
I don't know what what NORMAL is , but I'll try for it.

[JCJ]

Helloooo Katy and FF! I was getting lonely! Practising my flushing all by myself in Benchland! I have to remember the alligators are there, and not try to cool off in the lake!

I'm back at school tomorrow too. 2 training days before the kids return. 8-week half term so it's going to be tough for me, having only done 1 full week since February. Bit apprehensive, to be honest, but we have booked that Scottish Highlands coach trip for half term (for our 30th wedding anniversary - postponed from June because I'd only just finished rads and was worried I'd be too tired to appreciate it!) so I've got somethinbg to look forward to, to keep me going!

Nobody normal here!! ..... Thank goodness. 🙂

[katytc]

Ouchy Ouch FF that sounds sore, glad you're back on the "happy" bench tonight!!
NORMAL what's that????? xx

[foxyferret]

Hi Katy glad to see you, Sorry to hear you've been flushing buckets. Now I'm taking the the Ta'poxy'fen ( see I told you I'd call it that from now on) I'm waiting for that to kick in.

Talking of bumps to the head, couple of months ago I left a wall cupboard door open in the kitchen, turned round and bashed into said door mopped up copious amount of blood and still have scar on upper eyelid.

Yes, I've had the bad days they're now gone I'm fine again tonight . This week I'm back at school and also back to my other job so life is now back to what it was before bc. So seven months on from dx normality? No I don't think so, never again will I take my health for granted, every twinge will be what if?? But I will live my life to the full and enjoy it.

Obviously I'm on an upswing tonight. I reserve the right to be miserable again later!!

[katytc]

Helloooooooooo!! FF, I'm here, have been concentrating on my flushing abilities, have been really good for the last couple of weeks and this weekend have been flushing buckets what's that all about?????
When I'm not turning red and distinctly wet, body has decided to lower my temperature so my teeth have been chattering!
Could it have been the bump to the head??? Any ideas welcome.
Sometimes you just have bad days FF, hope you feel better soon, things have a habit of catching up with us when we least expect it, take care all xx

[foxyferret]

I'm on the "lonely" bench. where are you all?
I just catch a quick flash of blue now and again as CM roars past.

Grumpy - horrible for you - hope you feel more positive soon and can get them to do something to help you. To be led to make your decisions on certain information and then find it was misleading must be devastating.
JCJ - Ta'poxy'fen - love it,I shall always call it that now. Especially as it think it's made me sit on the "bloomin' miserable bench" for nearly three days!! I am a glass half full person and don't do depressed but I've had to be a good actress for the family this weekend.

Hope you all have as good a week as possible.