62322members
328058posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Not too sure how the benches are planned but a F@@@ it all! one could be next to the I am gonna blow one then I can hop back and to, hhmmm could lose that weight that I gained? as for the can't be a@@d bench for housework it could be next to the can't be faffed getting dressed bench P.J party anyone? It is a great thread this been following and a few things make me smile these days but this is one of them! Take care all...x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I am only 3 days out of hospital after an operation on my leg and You have cheered me up very much! I think it should be made into a play for the radio so people out there can perhaps begin to understand the emotions we all have to deal with having cancer as well as the boring everyday frustrations too.
I would like a bench made of feathers, yes feathers that we can all kick or punch without hurting ourselves and get out all that anger and frustration we feel. Thank you so much for this marvellous thread. Have added it to my saved ones. Love to all. Val

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Okay, I may not have a map but I'm now riding around Benchland on a mini railway (too tired to walk and it would take too long), handing out chocolate, icecream and tissues. The nurse in me....oops nearly ran over someone trying to get from one bench to the other...

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

lots of room on my bench slendabenda, I will budge up.

I have also had from my mum statements such as "no more swearing, I didn't bring you up to swear, so I don't know why you are" when I was in hospital and suffering from lack of pain killers

More recently she keeps telling me my daughter should be looking after me, cooking, cleaning etc (she is 14 and does do a little bit for me) as everyone she knows kids totally ran the house while they were recoeving!!

oh and I can't forget the constant reference to work paying me while I am off, so I should jump to attention when they ring and ask me to do something as "you have to look after your job" and "if you are off a long time you might not have a job to go back to"

EDIT - todays convesation involved me saying today I had to do some work for work, have some ironing to do and need to prepare tea. The response was well make sure you do your work first before the ironing and tea, "daughters name" will have to wait for her tea??!! (does that mean I should go hungry too?)
oh and I havn't finished yet - mentioned I will probably gain weight from steroids given during chemo and was told well you can lose that weight straight after, you don't want to look a mess!

I think we will all end up with sore tongues from biting them so often!!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

post deleted

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Shove up Dizzycloud - I need to sit on there with you.
My Mum is 89. I don't want to worry her too much so have down played the chemo side effects -consequently she hasn't a clue of how I feel really,although I did eventually give her a BCC leaflet about chemo. I realise now she actually didn't want to know what I'm experiencing.
Told her on the phone this morning that I'd go and see her today if I felt up to it. Went to see her this afternoon. She said " You look a bit white and spiteful" and proceeded to tell me how tired she feels.
I do love her dearly, but sometimes have to bite my tongue.
Room for 2 ?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Shove up Dizzyland - I need to sit on there with you.
My Mum is 89. I don't want to worry her too much so have down played the chemo side effects -consequently she hasn't a clue of how I feel really,although I did eventually give her a BCC leaflet about chemo. I realise now she actually didn't want to know what I'm experiencing.
Told her on the phone this morning that I'd go and see her today if I felt up to it. Went to see her this afternoon. She said " You look a bit white and spiteful" and proceeded to tell me how tired she feels.
I do love her dearly, but sometimes have to bite my tongue.
Room for 2 ?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Dear Dizzycloud,

That sounds maddening! if it wasn't for the fact that they sound as if they would interrupt and drive you nuts, I would suggest taking them along with you to your chemo education session!
The only reasonable response to your initial comments would have been "Don't worry, if you can't work, I will help look after my darling grand daughter"

A mute button or a sound proof screen- there's money to be made out of these ideas...

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I need to jump on the "need to shout at my mum" bench, though if I am going to be sitting on it for a while (I think I will be) it needs to be a nice comfy sofa. She phoned me today for her daily check to see if I am ok and I started talking about chemo and my worries about being able to work thoughout it and what would happen if I was hospitalised etc (have daughter to look after). She then started to say I read too much online, I am overdramatic and that her friend sailed though 12 months of chemo with no problems!!. I then said that everyone is different, and thought silently I am sure her friend didn't have a problem free treatment. She told me I shouldn't worry until I go through it - easy for her to say that. I then got told that my sister (who is a nurse) thought I might just be on chemo tablets - so she is an oncologist then FGS!!! - so does that mean being on chemo tablets is easier than being on the drip version; I think not!!!. I love my mum dearly but sometimes I wish I could use the mute button ......

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm sure that some of them are on a sort of rotary contraption that means you can hop on and off them without having to walk too far....

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm sitting on the 'thinking murderous thoughts about HR' bench today.

Also got my feet resting on the 'the quacks stole my chemo and I really do not know what to think or do now' bench.

I also still have half a cheek on the "f*****g furious" bench.

I'm glad they are close together.

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Tina67, a map would mean strategic planning, are we in rows, circles, some benches CANNOT be near one another ie ****ing furious and crazy sobbing lady. Smelly bench is alone in a corner somewhere. If you don't feel too good you don't want to be walking too far to find your bench, oh what to do???? I feel I do not have the expertise required, perhaps others can input and we can make one together! In my head it's a lovely grassy area with pretty flowers and trees, am I in the right place???

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Could someone please draw a map - I'm now not sure which bench I'm on...but could I bring the dog...she loves benches!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

just added a "no I'm not *** over it" bench....beside the "you look well" bench ...

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ah, that'll be the guilty bench with your feet up on the "can't be ar, bothered" bench. I'll shuffle along, shall I?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Love this thread!

Anyone want to join me on new bench (or section of guilty bench?) I've discovered - the 'I'm so useless for not getting round to all those jobs while I was lazing round on chemo' one?

Jude

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just had a PM from mods, they've had a go, we now have BENCHLAND at the end of the title!

Cheers, mods!

And I'm skipping around the benches feeling happy, can't decide which one to go for. If there were an indecisive bench I'd probably be sitting on that one, but I'm not sure...

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Tried that Chocciemuffin, doesn't appear to work post disappeared. Must have to be changed by moderators, back to the guilty bench again for me for not being able to help anyone find the thread! x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

halloooo from the defiant sofa, hope its near the I hate HR bench as I too am hovering towards the no pay zone. And while I'm on, can I have a little I hate tories bench, I saw George Osborne on TV this am and automatically slipped into Tourrets...its just a reflex
m

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Here's a thought - perhaps katyc can go in and edit the FIRST post on the thread?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

SO nice to have sofa's instead of benches.. only trouble is, I might nod off and take a space that someone else really needs. I'm heading for the "what on earth next" sofa now....

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

looks like whoever is posting has to change the name too

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

The thread name reverted again, have tried to change it!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

DJ007 - loved the song, one of my fav's anyway and the new words are so TRUE hehe

DaisyGirl xx

ps Norberte, thanks for the sofas, I think they are great!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

norberte - are you sure it's not the 'thinking murderous thoughts about HR bench'. That's the one I'm drumming my heels against.
It's close to the 'laugh in the face of bureauocracy' bench aka 'the hysterical bench'

Dx

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I did report my own post asking for a bit of moderated intervention on the thread title, let's see if they can fix it for us (Jim).

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

post deleted

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Done it Choccie! But I thought that Norberte changed the benches to settees from DFS.

At least I did what norberte said but the title didn't change. Tried to delete it but I don't know how to. I went into edit and deleted but it just stayed the same. Luddite me!

Help somebody- please tell me how to delete a post after I have actually submitted it.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

post deleted

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hiya,

Can I join dizzy et al on the guilty bench please??

Been having "fun" with teens this end and have felt v guilty thinking about asking their dad (yup, single mum here) to take the blighters! If no space there I'll head to the naughty bench for murderous thoughts about washing-up!

Thx
Hxx

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Saw the words 'benchland' and suddenly (and rather oddly as I was never a 'new romantic') thought of Spandau Ballet... Feel free to sing along..

Mother doesn't know where hope has gone,
she says we must be brave to keep us feeling strong.
See it in my face that's turned to ice,
and when I smile I show the lines of sacrifice.
And now I know what they're saying as my guilt begins to fade,
thatbwe found our friends on benchland and through the bc charade.

Cancer’s made my history,
it’s taken a year and now I’ll never somehow be free.
I know what I ought to say to you,
I learned it off by heart but now that's torn in two.
And now I know what they're saying on the bench of the renegrade,
that we found our friends on benchland and through the bc charade.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Mods, can I ask a little favour? Could you change the title of this thread to include "BENCHLAND" in the title? A lot of people have been posting on it but I find I keep losing it because my marbles have deserted me and I can't remember what the title of the BENCHLAND thread is!

Ta muchly, if you wouldn't mind...

CM
x

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Did ahve enuf time to see choccie's avatar ... yeah!!!! keep the benches warm for me!! may log on again????
J XX

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

In Florida having a whale of a time!!! and guess what I don't feel guilty !!!! I havent time to catch up PC time limeted to 4 mins so catch up with posts when I get back
love to all
Jeanette xxxx

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm sitting on the knitting settee -

" obviously the colours are vile, it being dfs, but we can always sit on the knitting bench & make some throws"

knitting a throw - as I'm not very good at knitting I hope it will turn out OK. But at least I'm comfortable, thanks Norberte for swapping us over.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm so excited we have sofas now! I'm on the 'pull yourself together' sofa but my friends and sister tell me I shouldn't be on it as I'm expecting too much from myself. Does that mean I have to move to the 'guilty' sofa???

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

moser, I am glad you have said that, I couldn't see the difference in the thread title, at least now I know I am not going completely mad!

Also, sorry for the scorch marks on the AFF bench, I think this one needs to be made out of metal! Now moved to the doing OK bench for a chillout...

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

And also for some reason the title of the thread has now gone back to the original ...but it wasn't my fault, really...

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just to say that I have been on the guilty bench all weekend, following a spell on the grumpy-and pi**ed-off bench that resulted in a short occupation of losing-it-completely bench.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

TLB, I think that's the "**** it!" bench, or some similar name. Easily identified by the inhabitants, who sit there with arms crossed aggressively, best Paddington Bear stares on faces, scowl, and fingers poised and ready to deliver the two-fingered salute at the drop of a hat. I'm there on the end, accompanied by murderous cat.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Have we got a 'stubborn and defiant' bench?

If not, we should....

Qualifying criteria....

I will not give up smoking
I will not give up drinking
I will not stop eating things I like (save the potentially food poisonous ones 'cos i'm not that silly)just because some stupid author says so
I will not think about cancer every second of every day and...
I WILL NOT GIVE IN!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Benchland was a bit of a secret, so no problems here about the change of title.

Sitting on the "I hate work" bench today, with feet up on the "can't be ar, erm, bothered" bench. I have absolutely no motivation to do this job, but it pays... (well it will when I get round to doing an invoice!)

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

post deleted

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

post deleted

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

thanks for you comments, calmed down a bit and spoke to daughter, I appologised for over-reacting and told her how I was feeling and that I knew she cared but she did not show it very well. I said by helping me she could show she cared, and that I would teach her how to hoover properly as she could not be expected to know first time!. We are both hormonal at the moment and we always blow up at each other, but its worse when I am feeling so vulrunable. It so helps to vent on here. Promise I have stepped firmly away from the guilty bench. I am now residing on the "feeling calm and going to get better" bench - I may be occupying this bench for quite some time!!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh Dizzy..... feel for you! She's 14... says it all. No idea about anyone else's feelings; no understanding; no communication skills (probably).... I think 8-10 year olds are probably more caring! (then it comes back again later) I remember doing my back in and having to be on bed rest for 2-3 days and my son saying "you only did this to make me do more housework!!" If you can get someone else to explain to her what it's like for you (and have a conversation about how she might help) that might be better than it coming from Mum.... after all, what do we mums know????? And as for the guilt... consider it part of her life-skill training to help out! Our job is to equip them for adult life... so they need to learn how to cook, so on buttons and clean! (whether they like it or not - how often do we like it??!) BUT, I know it's hard when you don't have the energy and feel rotten.... virtual hug... and tissue... Jane

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh Dizzycloud, try not to feel guilty, it's very difficult, you have done nothing wrong, she is a teenager thats what they do! I remember my Mum asking me to hoover once and I went into a real huff, I was spoilt too. You are having one of those days where everything seems to get on top of you, I think days like this are unfortunately part of the bc package. You're worried, she's worried and you just end up getting annoyed with each other it's a very emotional time, hopefully you can have a cuddle soon, sending you lots of hugs x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I am on the guilty bench right now. Asked my 14 yr old daughter to do hoovering as I can't due to breast op. Came back from shop to find she had hoovered one bit of one room and had left the rest; she hadn't even done the bit I asked her to specifically. I had a real go at her (PMT does not help!)and she stormed to her room. I have just spent last half hour crying from the bottom of my heart. What have I done to deserve such an uncaring daughter?. And why do I feel guilty? I have looked after her single handed for laast 8 years
I am feeling so sorry for myself and need to snap out of it. She is spoiled and gets her own way even now. I am so tired I just cannot cope today. I have told her I want her to move to her dads, but I don't mean it
How do I get though to her how ill I am? She has seen my scars but cannot understand the overwelming tiredness I feel as I recover. And how do I stop feeling so guilty that I am having to ask her to help?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Daisyleaf - I laughed my head off at you chucking your fag in the bushes like some naughty school girl!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Owing to chemo-brain, I can't remember whether there's a paranoid bench, but if there isn't, there should be! My word, the guilt from childhood is deep isn't it? Taken me years to realise that God is FOR me, not against me. Even though I've had cancer, I don't believe He zapped me me with it! The Shack is a good read to blow your mind... a novel... funny, sad, brilliant..... makes you rethink... Think Im just sliding off the "*** shattered" bench... hoping for a soft landing!