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Coping with diagnosis

11 REPLIES 11
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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi Gina,

Good to hear from you 😊

Who do you have to support you? It's great that you have the option of Skype sessions with a psychologist. Not everything is for everybody. My partner is not the kind of person who likes talking therapies but for me it works. My partner focuses on dog walking or playing computer games when she is in a funk. We've been feeling it this week too. The thing we know from experience is the pit of your stomach feeling passes. It will probably come back but it will go again. Allow yourself to go through these emotions. Be kind to yourself.

If the psychologist isn't working maybe turn it on its head. Possibly make a list of what you might want to get out of it (feeling more able to cope, mechanisms to cope). Present it to your psychologist.

What simple things do you enjoy doing?

I'd suggest maybe checking out mental health foundation podcasts. They have some really great mini exercises. At first you might think blimey this is tricky but give it a go.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/podcasts-and-videos/podcasts-for-your-wellbeing

Also if you have a Maggies Centre nearby I'd strongly recommend picking up the phone and asking what support they offer. I find them invaluable. They run many different online sessions; relaxation, living with cancer group, benefits advice and for me Kitchen Table. I get to chat online to a small group of people who have cancer or know someone with cancer about every day things...our dogs, recipes, you know the chatty kind of stuff.

https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/centre-search-results/?location=uk

Big virtual hug,

Ella

 

 

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi Ella Robb thankyou for being so thoughtful and replying to me .There isn't much to post I'm afraid I'm sitting here in tears as I'm typing this I just can't come to terms with it I just feel like my life is totally over. The breast nurse has even set up skype sessions with a psychologist  which are not helping atall. I just feel  I no longer have a life it doesn't help have no appetite and I am having to force myself to eat I just feel I'm at the end of the road nowhere else to go its a living nightmare.

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Keep us posted if you'd like 😀

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi Ella

thank you, I agree. Everyone is trying to be positive and helpful but they are not oncologists

xx

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi GinaK,   it is difficult getting any diagnosis and I was diagnosed in 2018 initially with crohns!  So finding out it was SBC was horrible.   I have started walking and running,  finding hobbies etc.  I refuse to let the cancer have me!!  I have cancer it does not have me.  I was tearful for a while but never infront of family or friends.  Having a face to face group has been brilliant but due to covid it is now all whatsapp.   We are there for each other as people don't always get how we feel, however hard they try.    Try one step at a time,  small tasks.   And whatever you need keep posting on here as we are all here to support each other.

I have a fab hubby and two gorgeous girls 17 and 20 so I am not going anywhere and just enjoy everyday 🙂

Good luck in treatments 

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi minniem,

I totally understand how lost you might feel. Everything is so fresh as well. But you are doing the right thing seeking support/information.

It's hard to hear information you get from different sources as everything is coming from a good place but not necessarily accurate. The great thing is you have the friends and family there for you. It could well be that chemo tablets are on an option. I'd say to have a good balance of researching on sites such as Breast Cancer Now or Cancer Research and trusting in the recommendations from the team looking after you. Dont feel afraid to question anything, for example, ask about the chemo tablets. You'll soon understand why it may or may not be the best option for you.

Take care,

Ella

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

I was diagnosed on Monday and don’t know if I am coming or going. I was fine after a mastectomy almost two years ago and this came completely out of the blue

Friends and family all seems to be of the belief that I could be on chemo tablets for 20 years as everyone knows some one who has been 

I am not so sure that’s the case

 

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi there,

My partner received a secondary diagnosis in March and nothing can take away the daily feeling of living with breast cancer. Know that you are not alone with this in any shape or form.

I personally find focussing on small achievable goals help both my and my partner. Is there that box set or movie binge youd like to get through? Are there regular video/phone chats you can have with friends/family? Is there a nice walk you can do nearby? Do you enjoy baking or making nice meals? Have you tried your hand at anything creative? Of course it's easier said than done.

Personally I find writing down my feelings in a journal helps. It lifts the weight off. 

I also found that whenever I'm caught up in my thoughts I try to do a senses exercise. 

What can I see, smell, touch, taste and hear?

Maggie's are also fabulous. They have regular video groups for chats, support and activities such as singing or meditation. They are also at the end of the phone for 121 support.

I'm thinking of you. Let us know how you are keeping.

Ella

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Community Champion

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi GinaK,

I can also empathise with what you're feeling - I was diagnosed with secondaries earlier this year at age 39 and it was a massive blow to me emotionally and mentally.  I was due to have surgery on my spine two weeks after I received my diagnosis and I remember thinking that I'd be glad if I didn't wake up from that surgery.  The mental and emotional trauma of the diagnosis is massive and I didn't know how I could bear it.

Six months down the line, I can honestly say that I have adapted and adjusted to the point where I have more good days than bad.  Getting counselling, speaking to palliative care nurses, discussing my honest feelings around life / death with loved ones, lots of light exercise, eating well and changing things in my life to make it more enjoyable have been like anchors that have grounded me in this "new normal". 

I keep myself as busy as I can because I noticed when I had too much time on my hands, no routine or structure or nothing to do, the worst of the negative thoughts would hit me hard and send me back into a depressive funk.  I also learned to stop Googling things because that was really dangerous for my mental health.  I found hope in so many different ways and places which enables me to keep living a good enough life.  

Sending love and hugs to you xxx

 

 

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

Hi GinaK

it took me 3 months to get some sort of life back after the shock of my diagnosis.   I remember wondering exactly what you are.......how do people cope in this situation because I can’t!  But I have now moved on and in some way ‘adjusted’ to my situation.  I remember well, people talking about ‘new normals’ and ‘adjusting‘ etc etc, and I didn’t want ‘new normals’ or ‘too adjust’, I just wanted it all to go away like a bad dream.

In those early days, i did get help from whatever professional I could get hold of....had counselling, spoke to palliative care people....but mainly it was the return of ‘hope’, the passing of time and feeling well, that has helped me get a version of my life back.   Once I felt better I did start the couch to 5k running and I have enjoyed the feeling of getting fitter rather than ‘iller’!

In those early days I spent my time in bed, reading ‘how to die’ memoirs and such like.  Now I read books about beating cancer....and it’s much more motivating!

good luck....

mexico

 

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Member

Re: Coping with diagnosis

I have been in the same place as you, but you will get through it. There is help ask the centre you attend the staff are always helpful , once you get a treatment plan things will seem a bit more clearer. I totally understand how you must be feeling. But with help, treament and talking to nurses or even your gp may help. There is hope out there.

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Member

Coping with diagnosis

Please could some of you let me know how you cope with this kind of diagnosis on a daily basis. My life has just stopped I lie in bed till 12.30pm every day get up force myself to eat my meals and go on laptop all day then cry for an hour every night before bedtime This diagnosis has taken over my life I cannot think or do anything  it is there all the time I haven't got a life anymore nothing can be planned everything is just uncertainty I can't handle it. Please let me know some of your coping mechanisms.