Thank you Pawsome. I'm like you in that respect. I can't do anymore than what I've done. I will just bide my time here & as I think ive said in another part of this forum, I have no control over this cancer or how others behave, but I do have control over my attitude & how I behave. It's just a week & a half before I leave x
Really sorry to read your mum hasn’t been as supportive as you’d have hoped. Personally I’ve always been quite plain speaking and since getting my diagnosis even more so. I think it’s important to be diplomatic and understanding but at the same time if your mum is saying things like that to you I’m afraid I’d just tell her straight that it is just plain unacceptable. I think keeping a positive frame of mind is a big part of how most of us get through the day given what we’re giving through. Our time is precious and who wants to waste it listening to negative things we don’t need to hear. I would try to explain to her that what she is saying is upsetting you and that it is not helping the situation.
You come first. It's only logical that you need to be able to build yourself up both emotionally and physically before you can help others from a position of strength , calm & contentment. If your heart lies in Yorkshire, that is where you are best being. A flight to Ireland takes just an hour, so it isn't like you are moving to Peru. Plus 'Facetime' / Skype and such which are great.
Thank you Liz. I agree with your comments. I will always love her, but since I was 1st diagnosed she has known I wanted to move to England. Regular talk from her about me dying is just insensitive & inappropriate. She is pushing me away emotionally. I could write a book on how how I have been treated at home since my Primary diagnosis almost 3 years ago & it would make for shocking reading. I need to get away from what is an unpredictable & emotionally charged environment xx
I currently live in Ireland so where I'm moving to is 508 miles away. I have told her several times I will be home every 8 weeks or so. Change is never easy, but I want to be in England, in a calm, caring & loving environment & I have not had any of these since I was 1st diagnosed
Good luck with your move to England and future with your husband to be.
Could it be that your Mum is worried she will never see you as you are moving away? Is England far from where she lives? Would it help if she knew when she will next see you after you move? There is nowt so queer as folk, as they say.
All the best, Kinden x
You deserve happiness whatever you are going through or whatever the outcome people are living with secondaries for years now, new treatments all the time. I think your mum is being unreasonable and insensitive probably because she is worried about you but you have to do what is right for you . I'm nearly 2 years with secondaries still working sending you love hope and hugs . Liz
I am sorry to hear you are feeling down at the moment. I would say your mother is desperately sad and upset at the thought of you moving away. Deep down, she probably knows it’s the right decision for you to move away and start a new chapter but she is frightened of losing you and is taking her feelings out on you. Instead of showing she’s upset, it’s coming out as anger.
My own parents find it very hard to express themselves and most of our arguments appear to be about one thing when with hindsight, they’re really about something else. I’ve just remembered that in an argument, my mum threw back at me comments along the lines of “you’ve moved to the back of beyond”. I had, a few years earlier, moved to a different county, about 60 miles away but until then, apart from college and a bit of travelling, had always lived fairly nearby.
Also, your mother is frightened about your health and is probably petrified for you but is literally throwing her own fears at you and indirectly your fiancé. Is there a family member who could mediate and speak to your mother? I would think she is extremely low and feels she is losing you when if the communication could be improved, she will maybe see that you moving away to start a new chapter is exciting and not you saying ‘goodbye’ but you living a new and different life
Stay focused, don’t give up on this fresh start as you are nearly there
I'm living with an elderly mother who on each occasion I told her I had cancer her immediate response was suggesting I went down to my local funeral directors to sort out my funeral. Then today I got it in the ear about how unhappy she was that I was moving to England & once again started talking about me dying & 'demanded' to know if my Fiance(soon to be my husband) had enough money to bury me. She refuses to see how cold & insensitive it is to be talking like this. I'm feeling very hurt by her coldness & just can't get my head around why she is like this