67967members
357889posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Sexual relations

6 REPLIES 6
Highlighted
Member

Re: Sexual relations

Gets more and more difficult 

 

To be fair it is usually only once a month but as my cancer is in my hips and coccyx it can be painful 

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Sexual relations

I’m sorry but your husband needs to be more understanding, you are going through physical and emotional trauma. DO NOT participate if it’s painful. There are other ways to “relieve him” if necessary. DO NOT participate even if you can get soothing cream if you aren't feeling emotionally available, feeling tired nauseous got bone pain etc 

I suspect given that you say he “ still has needs” that he is requesting sex even though he knows what you are going through!

“in sickness and in health” were your vows 

Please put yourself first, I’m sure you are a wonderful wife and always have been but men can be so childish when it comes to this issue.

xxx

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Sexual relations

Hi Anniej.  I live in Oadby in Leicester.  Whereabouts are you?

 

Thank you for good advice. Again.

 

I have been given morphine for pain relief but have been sticking to the dihydrocodien I take morning and night. Do you use morphine? 

 

Had worst night ever. Been vomiting. Mouth has nasty ulcers and cold sores and feel like I've been hit by a sledgehammer. 

 

I am prescribed Ibrance and Anastrozol which I've tolerated fine for last 2 weeks but it was awful last night. I think the time is getting close to retire.

 

I so appreciate you taking the time to reply

Community Champion

Re: Sexual relations

Mounties, where are you? I could be down the road! 🤞I’ve had loads of help to get me to where I am now. It’s taken nearly two years to get me stabilised on my combo of drugs. I didn’t tolerate  them well and my neuts crashed so I was hospitalised nearly monthly. Very depressing and frustrating! My Onco got me some support from psychological services which was great. We worked through my issues together. Of course, you need to grieve for the person you were and the life you had before you can welcome and love 💕 the new brave and strong 💪 you. I think you should get some help with the pain. The nurses drummed it into me to keep on top of pain meds, as, if you are in pain you can’t heal and you can’t function. Very true. I’m retired, and admire you greatly for continuing to work. Sending you best wishes for improvements in your health and other personal matters. 💐🤞🍀

Highlighted
Member

Re: Sexual relations

Thank you for replying. 

 

A lot of good points. Could do with you as a pal down the road.

 

Not worried about my body. Too much. Had reconstruction 10 years ago and not too bad. 

 

Pain is the biggest problem as its constant and tiring. I still work 3 days a week and chemo tablet tires me out.

 

Maybe counselling would help. Difficult to come to terms with a incurable cancer.

 

But thank you so very much for replying xx

Highlighted
Community Champion

Re: Sexual relations

Well, Mounties, that’s quite a delicate question you’ve asked, and I wonder if you need to speak to a nurse on here? Don’t know wether I can help, but having been to a sexual health workshop held at my local Maggies I’ll outline some issues that were discussed:

Is it so painful that you couldn’t participate ( how do I say this nicely...) in a bit of personal / mutual stroking? It doesn’t have to be penetration. That goes for you too! You’re still young.

Is it your new body that’s holding you back? It’s  a big step to undress fully and participate in sexual relations after what you’ve gone through.  You need to be loved and desired to make it work.

Has your libido disappeared with all the treatments? Hard to think of romance when each day is a battle. Your mind has to be in the mood, not just your body.

The rads have probably dried out the vagina. The nurse who spoke to us recommended visiting our GP to get some soothing cream. 

Warm baths, massage and CBD oil were also mentioned as ways of minimising aches and pains before and after intercourse.

Have you talked this through with your husband? Your pain level sounds horrendous , and I’m sure that your husband, no matter his personal needs, will put you first. A kiss and cuddle comes first.

I’m sending a big gentle hug, and hope that one of the nurses here will pick up on this. Best wishes. X

 

Highlighted
Member

Sexual relations

I am 63. Recently diagnosed with secondaries in all my bones which was 12 years after initial left sided mastectomy. 

 

I have been married for 40 years and have a very supportive husband and family.

 

My medication regime is Anastrozol and Palbociclib. Both of which I'm managing so far without too many side effects.

 

I am in pain constantly. Feels like my bones are grating on each other. Especially in the night. I take dihydrocodien and have morphine on stand by.

 

My question. Plea for help is how do others manage sexual relations with partners? 

 

My husband is 72. Still has desires and needs whilst the thought of sex fills me with dread at the amount of pain it leaves me in. I have no sex drive at all. My marriage means everything to me