I didnt keep my BC secret the first time, but I did tell a white lie, I told everyone with the exception of my partner and 2 others that Id had a lumoectomy, when in fact I had a mastectomy. I have since had to have that implant removed and another put in its place and again no one knew. Now I have been told that wasnt a success and it has to come out all together, I'll probably keep that secret too...
I have to admit, after my second surgery I felt totally isolated and alone and I wanted and needed the support from my friends, but I hate relying or being depenedent on people and I also feel stronger in myself if I dont receive any sympathy.
Theres no right or wrong, its down to you and how you feel. A lady I met at a Moving forward course told me she knew people were talking about her and felt it was gossipy rather than sincere, it puzzled me at first but I sorta understand what she means now.
I must admit I was not looking forward to mine, I was worried it would really hurt. I took the advise of the ladies on here and took a couple of paracetomal before it, to be honest it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Mine was 18 months after surgery as that is the protocol at my hospital It iwas a little achy afterwards but I would say no more than it was when I had them before I was diagnosed.
They are well aware that you have had bc and I found that whilst they needed to make sure that they got the whole of the breast on the slide, they were very gentle, in fact she even adjusted the machine manually so that it was easier on me.
I am afraid we all know that feeling of fear that they are going to find something else, it is totally natural and understandable
Sending you hugs
I was the same in that I did not tell my mother until after I had had my results. Basically because before then there was nothing much I could tell her other than I had been diagnosed with bc. She is elderly and does not live local to me. When I did tell her she was not happy that I had kept it from her, however, when I explained why, she understand as I as able to tell her what was going to happen and when, also I did not want to be worrying about her worrying about me, she has been very supportive throughout. I am now 22 month post diagnosis and had my first clear post op mammogram.
If and when you do tell them it will be on your own terms and as you say with positivity for the future,t hey will probably not be happy but they will soon get over that just seeing how far you have come.
Sending you hugs
I am so sorry to hear about your sister how dreadfully sad, It certainly does put our own troubles in to perspective.
I have never been open about my diagnosis, 3 years on there are many who don't know and that's the way I like it. I sometimes will speak out if I feel the need but it's few and far between.
I like being able to go out and about without feeling that I am being talked and without feeling like I have to explain to everyone I meet that because I've had cancer it doesn't mean I'm about to die!
It's just easer not to say anything, It's hard enough to deal with without facing endless questions and sympathy from others.
I hope you are keeping well Xx Jo
Hello and welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to read about your sister, however it is good to hear how well you are doing. I think you are right something like this does give us a very different perspecive on life, and at the end of the day it is up to you who you tell or not.
This is my first post. I was diagnosed last August, the same week my younger sister (10 years younger) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She lived for 8 weeks as she was not treatable. I was with her when she died.
I told my close family, three sons, three sisters, including my younger one who was ill as I felt it was the right thing to do, also my husband, of course, sister in law, and two very close friends. I chose not to tell anyone else or anyone in our small town because I didn’t think it was any of their business. This has worked out well for me. I don’t get people keep asking me how I am.
I had two LWE’s and then a Racquet on the same breast in order to get clear margins so I had three ops over two months and am now on hormone therapy. I am just so grateful I can have treatment; not like my poor sister. Perhaps this helped put it all into a different perspective for me.
I could only hide mine from my daughters for a week (until biopsy was confirmed) and that was tricky enough - they knew something was up when I wore a bra in the mornings whilst getting ready and not letting them come in to talk to me when I was I the bath! You have done so well to shield your daughter whilst she takes her exams - but do expect a bit of anger and hurt that you kept it a secret, mine were quite cross with me!
However I still am convinced that for me I made the right decision to keep it a secret from everybody else. When I meet up with friends, groups and clubs etc, it's like I don't have cancer because it is simply not talked about and I have a lovely time being just me again.
This diagnosis has been devastating enough without it being constantly mentioned. When I do have a wobble, I have the support my immediate family and medical team. I'm not sure I will ever confess to the general world, but it is still early days.
Good luck with telling your children and stand firm with your reasons for hiding it.
I got diagnosed in February and before even moving on to radiotherapy have now been diagnosed with another type of bc in the same breast. Lucky me!
We told our children and close family quite quickly after diagnosis back in February. I think the hardest things were having to repeat the same story over and over again, and also having to deal with their reactions, which were generally ‘I’m sorry’, which clearly isn’t helpful and quite an emotional drain.
So, no, your keeping it secret isn’t weird. It saves you going through their reactions until you are ready to deal with it.
i only found out last week about the second bc. I couldn’t face having to tell everyone again, so I sent a blanket email out to friends explaining what had happened. This Worked for me - it saved me getting emotional, and I asked them not to respond with emails of sympathy, but i’d gratefully bank offers of practical help! Loads of offers in, which I’m sure will help in the coming months.
Thank you Helena x
I know when I was first diagnosed I did not tell my mum, she is elderly and does not live locally to me. I wanted to wait until I had had my op and results so that I could tell her exactly what was going to happen, rather than it might be this or it might be that. She was not happy that I had kept it from her at first however understood my reasoning.
I did tell my very close friends and, obviously, my close work colleagues as I was going to being having time off work for surgery etc., I did tell them that if anyone asked where I was at work, I was happy for them to explain.
It is amazing when you do tell people how many other ladies you come across others who have been through the same, I found it very supportive, and one lady in particular at work was able to sit down with me and answer some questions that I had in the very early days before I had my op.
It is entirely up to you who and when you tell people, you are trying to process the information you have been given at the moment and it is early days.
Sending you hugs
I've recently been diagnosed with primary breast cancer but am keeping it a secret (apart from my absolute immediate family who have also been sworn to secrecy)
Has anybody else done this? My clinical team seem puzzled by my approach 🤔