I had my 3rd clear mammogram in September at 34, after a horrific year (two miscarriages), was finally starting to relax and think about trying for a family again. However in the last 24hrs cancer has once again blown my world apart... Last night at my lymphatic drainage (I've got lymphadema as a result of surgery and radiation) my physio felt a raised lymphnode on my neck on the opposite side from my lumpectomy and side where my lymphnodes were removed. I've not got a cold or sore throat and the fact I have been here before, three years ago (except that time it was in my armpit on the opposite side and it was cancer)... I am completely freaking out. This is not like me. I've had a couple of niggles before now and each time I've been totally calm. This time I'm terrified. This time I know so much more about Breast Cancer... I called my breast cancer nurse first thing this morning (who if I'm pretty honest was pretty useless the first time around) who said she'd get me into a clinic. That was this morning. When I called back for an update late afternoon I was told she wasn't available and it would be almost 3 weeks for an appointment... luckily I managed to speak to someone far more helpful who has managed to get me in this Friday (given my history). But even 4 days feels too long. I am completely terrified. I've only told my husband and my boss (and that's only so that I can go as quickly as possible to the hospital). I can't tell my mum just yet, she will panic and has had so much to deal with already not to mention a business trip coming up. I've got to spend the day with her travelling to my aunts funeral on Thursday and then we have a concert at night, I can't cancel because she will know there's something wrong. I've just admitted to my husband how utterly terrified I am and can see in his eyes he's terrified too. I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next 3 full days and 4 nights x
