A Bad Day

[Lols]

Hi zulika, good luck for appt Wednesday sounds like not too bad news for you at moment hope it stays that way. Have a good day, too hot here already!! Keep posting nice to know we are all helping each other x

[Zuleika]

Hi Lols and Meconopsis, I got my results on 3rd Juky, which confirmed IDC, grade 1 stage 2 and high grade DCIS, no lymph spread but the DCIS is still in there. as I've already had WLW and SNB, I don't have enough breast left for 2nd WmLE, so mx is planned. I'm seeing the. Surgeon on Wednesday, to discuss recons,traction. They have offered me immediate recon with silicone to both sides and going up a cup size. I've been told slightly co flirting things as to whether they will do both sides at the same time. I don't relish the thought of yet another op, after the mx. So not really sure what the plan is.

I realise how lucky I am to not have lymph spread, with the mx I now won't need radiotherapy and probably won't need chemo ( but won't know for sure until after op).
Ill be thinking of you ladies this week, let us keep in touch
take care on this beautiful day

[Zuleika]

Agh predictive txt !!! I think you get the idea !!

[Coco0896]

Hi Meconopsis, just wanted to wish you all the best for Wednesday, I agree with what has already been said, get rid if IT, you do feel better when that has been done, the waiting is the worse but hell we will all get there together. All the best to you. Meg x

[meconopsis]

Hi Lols and Zuleika, awake too early must be the heat. Yes I do feel stronger and have been batting away as best I can any negative thoughts as I realised I have too much stuff to do, not just now but in the future too. I have two daughters who are at an important time in their lives. They may get married and have children, or go travel to foreign counties and tell me stories of magical and mysterious places. My OH needs and wants to retire he has spent his working life traveling to foreign counties and says he has had enough of living out of suitcases and wants to be home, relax ( be looked after ) not a hope ! I have to much stuff to do.
Yesterday when I went to pick my daughter up and sat waiting in the car I saw the most wondrous sight. Children playing, laughing running, jumping whilst families mums and dads chatted and enjoyed each other's company, and in the distance the sun shone and sparkled off the river, boats and yacht with brightly coloured sails danced before me and that's when I realised I have too much do,places to go and people to meet, so what ever next week brings good or bad I will hold on too those thoughts .
Be strong ladies for we all have too much to do .

[Lols]

Thanks zulika , have you had all your results ? Hope so and hope further plans in place x

[Zuleika]

Lols good luck on Monday , let its know how things go. You will be one stp closer to beating this thing. Make sure you relax tomorriw

Meconopsis, your garden must blooming !!
keep strong,
Zuleika xx

[Lols]

Hi, I'm ok not worried about Monday too much as my choice to do it. Hope to be home lunchtime. Glad your backs improving.
bet you will be glad when this week is over and it's out. I know it's back to the waiting game buts its a big relief when it's physically Gone and you can't feel it anymore.
you sound better, stronger , I think you learn to accept the time it takes although patience is not my strong point and its very frustrating to be waiting , you don't feel physically ill, but you know you're going to and would rather get on with it and get it over.
well at least fab weather whilst off work, bit too hot though difficult to sleep, good luck for op, post how it all goes. Xx

[meconopsis]

Hi ladies how is it going waiting in the station with the terribly slow timetable . Lols hope your bearing up as Monday edges closer I have been keeping busy in the garden as much as my back allows lots of breaks its still improving , it has helped to take my mind off the BC, but still i want some answers and will be glad to get it out of me and move on to the next waiting room for two weeks then oncology for results .

[meconopsis]

Hi Lols now going in on the 17th wednesday. Back is slowly improving day by day. Hope all goes well for you on Monday Yes need to get on with it and get it out . Hugs xx

[Lols]

Hi meconopsis , thats good news, less time to think about it. How's your back? Bearing up I hope. I've had a very lazy day, bit bored to be honest. YS got my car and is in Cardiff started news job so it's gone for 2 Months and its too hot to walk far!
Good job I'm not eating much , else I'd be piling the weight on now, so used to being on feet all day, this being off work can be bit boring.
what date is surgery? Ul be fine I was glad to get it out!!!
Have chilled evening, hugs xx

[meconopsis]

Had a call from BCN asking if I would be willing to come in have surgery a day early which is fine so why has it scared the hell out of me ?????

[meconopsis]

Aww Lols HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your OH I raise my glass of wine to you both, make plans for next year holiday even if its just looking at brochures give you both something to work towards thats positive and not BC related.
My OH hates anyth hospital or medical related. I know he is worried but he wants to make me better and even asked what he needs to do to make me better which just made me cry.
I hope things from Monday move along for you, appointments and treatment plan is sorted, you need this to move forward. My memory of my mums treatment and care was awful and I hope but yet dont believe things have improved, so far my contact with the trust has been good and I hope it carries on that way but they need to prove that to me.
Lols im here if you need someone happy or meltdown days, home can be quiet for me maybe I should trade in the fish pond and cat for hens and a dog .... then again.
You take care
Xx

[Lols]

Thanks Annie, you ok.? How's arm mine ok got sunburn feeling killing all time but apparently that's normal. Got 2nd wle Monday, ct scan Friday after that but no bone scan, they feel not required !!!! If it was them I bet it would be required, but who knows.
In by 8 am Monday home same day , to be honest it's my request surgeon happy got it all but one margin bit closer hevsaidvradiotherapy would sort it, but would do it if I wanted, don't want to tell sons didnt give it everything so thought why not, I'm well at moment, go for it, might regret Monday nightbascscar healing and feels tight, feel bit queasy that he's going to cut there again, but will be asleep, thank goodness.
Goodluck with ANC results tomorrow, was originally told maybe 2 results 4/25 and I was told they'd seen far worse , I knew chemo whatever results and everyone's different, ill be fine, dont go alone I couldn't remember much. keep posted, have relaxing evening, xx

[Annie62]

Lois, as you know I am at a similar stage to you, and am getting the results from my ANC tomorrow. In this area at least {North Wales), they don't give you an appointment with the Onc until all surgery has been done and all test results are in. Otherwise the Onc doesn't know exactly what he/she's dealing with!
Hope all goes well for your second WLE.

Annie x

[Lols]

Hi , cold glass white wine in now, I've had good day, no cryin quite chilled, no dates for oncology no rush in South Wales at all, your mental health apparently is not important in this area !!! Excuse my sarcasm but I'd cope with the rest just can't believe they is dismiss this part of it. You will do it and you can do it and you have to do it, I did it for sake of my sons 26 and 23 , they don't know that but that's what made me face it all, you have something to aim for, hope your back pain improves, codeine does make you feel sick, can you take bRufen? You asthmatic ? It might help phone go in morn and ask, I bought some this week although all scripts free in wales, can't be bothered with protocol of drs receptionists and waiting in till they phone you back.
My op directly right armpit , used veet this week as getting bit hairy there and can't feel a thing tried shaving but freaked me out seeing it and not feeling it . Scar now getting bit tight but even in summer dress you wouldn't know had op,unless I put arm up. Right boob looks like I've had slight lift but that could drop again, I'm not sure but I don't care about that I've never done the topless thing and I feel ok undressed. I've got ct next week so hope I've got enough movement for all that can get arm upright now.
I think it's good you have to run daughter around it gives you a purpose everyday or we'd loose ourselves and why should IT do this, we are still who we were just bit shocked and fragile, when we have full plan in front of us we will do this, kick it into touch and come out stronger and a damn site wise.
hens are chillin they love this weather, sunbathing, dust bathin they are all ex battery we have had one over 3 years and she is soooo in charge, they follow us everywhere in garden and they love our collie dog who you can trust completely with them, o it can be a bit mental in this house but it keeps me busy.
i wish I had appt with oncology I'd feel I was getting somewhere I feel me and OH dismissed all time, bless him it's his birthday today and we had planned to go camping for week but got op Monday, as he says we will do it next wear, let's hope so.
all I can say is keep busy, but to be honest I've had meltdowns and just gone to bedroom, but the ladies on this forum make me brave just reading where they've been and how they are now keeps me going. I did it you can and you l be fine, chin up hang in there as I said before not female for nothing. Hugs xx

[meconopsis]

Hi Lols,
Well I saw my Gp yesterday who has signed me off work I was given codiene but after taking one with paracetamol I felt really sick. Such a good patient I'm going to make My OH job takes him away from home so its just me and my youngest daughter, who is home from uni, she is working through her summer and needs me to get her to from work we live out in the country side, anyway I dropped her off this morning then went and did a shop ready for next week this was done very very slowly, and getting in and out of the car was to say the least painful and at one point I had visions of being stuck and having to call for help....however Im home and Im laying flat out on the floor giving myself time to recover, and its bliss.
I feel in good spirits today dont know why did wonder if when I go on the 9th they will take one look at me hobbling along and go no sorry cant operate... but Im still hoping things will improve with my back before then.
Your right about the thought of them cutting under your arm makes me cringe thinking about it and as for having to then lift my arm up. Lol Your encouragement and positive words help" where theirs a will theirs a way" but maybe in a couple of weeks time I will be saying Lols I cant do this ....

Your doing fine Lols the anxiety is at times all consuming maybe we should start up group relaxation classes for pre and post op care. General medicine forgets our mental health has to be cared for too, stress anxiety can have a major impact on our recovery and ability to manage this disease. Do you know how long a wait you will have?

I have my appoint with oncology booked already 2nd August exactly two weeks after surgery. I had a complete meltdown the day that arrived even though I knew it was coming I didnt expect it to come before surgery, anything that happens out of the order Im expecting it throws me completely i.e Im a control freak.
Hope your afternoon has been good productive with the weeding and the hens (love hens ) and given you time to relax and that needed relief from the worry.

Keep in touch xxx

[Lols]

Hi meconopsis, how are you? Just to let you know it's 3 weeks today since my wle and ANC and from yesterday can get my arm back to almost full range thinks its religiously doing all the exercises that have helped . I know this was one of your worries as you have to elevate arm for radiotherapy. I'm having 2nd wle on Monday (my choice) surgeon not that concerned but whilst I feel ok I thought I'd get on with it. My only dread is scar just below armpit and feels weird, ant the thought of him cutting there again does make me feel a bit sick but il b asleep and hopefully numb after. I've got scan of chest, abdo and pelvis 19 th and then another long wait. Even though I know the results will be reported on pretty much after scan!!!!! Such a lot of stress, I'm sure this waiting around thing could be improved, I'm wondering if I should pursue that as a role when I go back to work instead of working on ward!!!! Feel the anxiety is making me ill, not the diagnosis.
Hope your back is getting better, I'm trying not to have anymore melt downs, did make OH phone bc nurse yesterday to ask why not bones can and they said didn't feel it was required!!! They sort of discussed with him that they are surprised I'm so worried didn't exactly say that but he got the message, wonder how they'd be if it was them, do they become a bit blasé as they deal with it all the time? Who knows.
Well on positive note, weathers brill and if you've got to be off work this is the week, trying not to get any sunburn on ANC arm as don't want lymph oedema, so sun cream on and going to weed garden and clean hen house. Trying to keep busy, hope your managing that as well, just gives you 10 mins relief from thinking every so often.
Be good to hear your ok if you read this , il look later in day, take care , really hope your felling better, hope today's a good day xx

[Guest user]

Dear Meconopsis I can empathise with you to a certain extentas I was dx only a few weeks after getting promotion in what would have been a very stressful role. It was not meant to be. I think everything happens for a reason and we don't know at the time why but I returned to my new job and eventually resigned because I valued my health. Fifteen years on I've had a journey of rediscovering myself and healing that has enhanced my life. Your mindset is your best means of support and gaining as much knowledge as possible. This is your time to care for you and love yourself back to wellness. I retrained and now offer support to ladies who are on this journey. Give yourself permission to let go of stress as this is our biggest enemy that and our constant internal chatter of what if's . You are safe and loved. You will get through this. Sending you a gentle hug in the belief that all will be well. Chrisx

[meconopsis]

Zuleika and Lols everyone please keep in touch, you dont know how much you have helped. Im off to see Gp now.

[Zuleika]

Dear Meconopsis, just to reassure you, I had a WLE on 17th June with SNB. I also had a really bad back, with spasm around this time. I had never had a back problem previously, so this was a reall pain ( literally). I used one of those wheat filled cushions that you put in the microwave, the heat really helped. anyway, you will cope after the op. it was not as bad as I thought and I made myself do the exercises, which certainly helped. Regular analgesia also helped and I was lucky to watch all of Wimbledon. It was hard sitting back and watching my husband and teenage girls running around, walking my dogs and doing all the housework. Think I must be a bit of a control freak, as letting go of all these things was hard. Lots of people told me to really relax and take it easy. This is difficult to do if you normally have a busy life, like you, but you must prepare yourself. Get lots of nice food and drinks in, good books and magazines, DVDs. Then put your feet up and allow yourself to rest.
by the way, I totally get the reapplying for your job thing. I had to do the same thing last year and it is so stressful.

Good luck, please ask if you need any advice or support re your surgery. You will be fine, honest.
take care
Zuleika

[meconopsis]

Hello Lols and Zuleika thanks for your support and advice. I'm a community mental health nurse, and was working in dementia care and diagnosis. I had my own case load and loved my job and the colleagues I worked with...but not anymore. I can't even begin to say how all of the changes have impacted on me at the same time as being told I have cancer.
I hope you both continue to recover well and stay strong through any treatment you have to recieve hugs xx

[Lols]

Thanks and you, this might change my practice a bit, might not (hope I didn't) dismiss patients worries in quite the same way, might be bit guilty when very busy!!! Xx vow to change any wrongs !!! X

[Zuleika]

Lols I totally support your views. I'm an arrhythmia nurse and feel the same about you and am waiting for a call back, from Friday. I have found taking each stage as a step and trying to not look at the bigger picture is the only way I can cope. Good luck
Zuleika

[Lols]

Hi meconopsis my tumour sounds like it was in same place, just under right armpit, had wle and full ANC 18 th June, wle fine no prob, ANC another story, exercise required to get arm above neck level , it's difficult. I had 4/25 lymph involved so now have to have chemo and then rads, awaiting further wle (my request surgeon feels got adequate margins and rads will sort any probs!!!!!!) and ct scans 19 th. I agree waiting is the worst , had so many meltdowns in this last week, one because bc nurse didn't phone as promised, I'm a staff nurse and have found some of the care since dx disappointing compared to my area of work (cardiology and medicine). To be honest being a nurse is very difficult when dx as I know too much but noT enough in this area.
in surgery itself you won't know what position they put your arm in and everything is numb and strange after so dontbworrybabout that part of it. It's all hard, worrying and life consuming, but we aren't alone, we have all been there scared to death, crying, laughing, depressed, hopeful , this forum helps, keep in there, chin up . it might not be you think, but whatever you will handle it, what choice have you got,? what gets me through on daily basis is all the women that have done this, been there, bought the t-shirt and are fab now, ul be fine it's just this long journey, your not female or nothing, your not alone xx

[meconopsis]

Thank you ladies for your replies,support and hugs. The back is still seizing up socant sit forlong but thankfully its better then yesterday.
Wishywomen good luck with the outcome of the biopsy tomorrow , I think with my history many cysts in the past, and knowing the routine at the hospital I guessed before hand it wasnt going to be routine so although upset it wasnt a complete shock. The waiting at each stage is all consuming didi62 and I was never good at waiting.
Catzoo may I ask you was it really difficult with the need to get your arm up (painful) strangly this worries me plus as at this stage they have to look at the lymph nodes in surgery and again with the location of the lump I have a feeling the outcome will not be as good as I hope for.

Thanks once again for all your comments it really does help to know your not (sadly) alone.

[meconopsis]

Thank you ladies for your replies,support and hugs. The back is still seizing up socant sit forlong but thankfully its better then yesterday.
Wishywomen good luck with the outcome of the biopsy tomorrow , I think with my history many cysts in the past, and knowing the routine at the hospital I guessed before hand it wasnt going to be routine so although upset it wasnt a complete shock. The waiting at each stage is all consuming didi62 and I was never good at waiting.
Catzoo may I ask you was it really difficult with the need to get your arm up (painful) strangly this worries me plus as at this stage they have to look at the lymph nodes in surgery and again with the location of the lump I have a feeling the outcome will not be as good as I hope for.

Thanks once again for all your comments it really does help to know your not (sadly) alone.

[catzooo]

Hi Meconopsis. Sorry to hear you are in such a scary place right now. Waiting to start treatment seems to last forever. But, as DIdi says, once started most ladies start to feel much more positive, cutting out the tumour and then blitzing the area with radiotherapy just think of it like a war, killing the enemy, and you have the most powerful weapons.
Do your employers know of your treatment? They ought to work with you and find ways to help you manage taking up your new role. And could you see your GP about your back problem?
I had MX ans ANC on 25 March and am now 3 weeks through 4 weeks of radiotherapy. Been delayed as I was unable to lift my arm high enough for the position required for radiotherapy. Should have started 6 weeks after surgery. I was referred to a physiotherapist which really helped with movement. Saw her 3 times a week for 3 weeks. Ask for this if you feel you need it.
Hugs to you,

[didi62]

Dear meconopsis I am sorry you are having such a worrying and painful time at the moment.I can't really say anything that will help you cope but I hope you will find that once your treatment gets underway that things settle a little.if only we could stop our minds working overtime it would be so much easier to cope.sending you a cyber hug and strength.take care didi x

[Guest user]

Just wanted to send a reply and message of support to you, with a big hug. It's doesnt sound self pitying at all, it sounds like you need some care and attention. Isn't it hard when this is going on and then other things happen which feel like too much to bear? Strangely my back has also been making movement difficult today, and my partner worked in the garden in the heat, didn't drink enough and I now find myself nursing him with heat exhaustion!! Argh! I am waiting for my core biopsy results on Monday and feel on a thin thread! Hang on in there, thinking of you and sending big hugs x

[meconopsis]

Hi I thought I would write a message as I continue to wait for surgery planned for the 18th.
I seem to be going through such an awful time just now which all started the week before I was seen at my local hospital to investigate the lump I had found, (which was more a soreness discomfort in my left armpit). I should say that my mum had breast cancer sadly after a three year fight she lost her battle with cancer.
Anyway a week before. My employers have been going through a complete service redesign and we all had to reapply for our jobs, knowing many would not get posts or would be downgraded. I was told I had a new job lots to learn very full on, of course I was pleased I had a job but this would be away from all my colleagues and friends and in a new building, and the job would start the first day of July, however on the 26th June I'm told the lump following mammogram, ultrasound and core biopsy is cancer!!!

My local hospital have been very caring and I have been advised to have WLE on the 18th. The cancer is just below the hair line in my armpit I will need to be able to raise my arm to enable the 5 weeks of daily radiography that is planned. Now I know that following removal I will be seen in Oncology to discuss the outcome and any changes needed to my treatment.
And so to today all was ok till I got up and a very simple movement has aggravated an old back injury and now I can hardly move. I feel like I falling into a deep pit my body is giving up on me and I don't know what to do to help myself.
I'm worried about everything my ability to cope, my job, even being able to move at the moment all this waiting. Sorry this has been long winded and sounds self pitying but maybe it will help just to write it and read it out loud