Hi All
I went back to work on 7th October last year 4 months after having treatment for DCIS. I had a mass removed and reconstruction on both sides. I had 5 weeks of radiotherapy. I was cheerful throughout really and happy when I got the all clear.
However, when I got back to work I found that my manager and many colleagues had been made redundant. I had to move into another dept working for a new manager. ( I am in Education - not a teacher but a management role in HE). The new manager and short staffed regime was fast paced and relentless. Although I had a phased return I didn’t feel that any consideration was given to me in light of what I had been through. In fact I sort of felt like I was being watched to see if I couldn’t do it anymore. I found my confidence sapping and any enjoyment and job satisfaction I had before was no longer. It became a drudge and some days I felt it hard to put one foot in front of the other. I was determined not to give in even though several times I had to re evaluate whether I could carry on. In July, just as I decided I was completely fooling myself that I was ok and could no longer keep it up, I heard that myself and my dept was to be moved again into another dept with another manager. I felt like I had been saved as I was already familiar with this manager.
This happened in August and in theory life couldn’t be better. So why don’t I feel happier? I still feel like I’ve lost my pizazz and motivation for the job? Not only the job but life in general? I feel flat, I want to hide away at home, no interest in seeing friends, I am sometimes aggressively grumpy, no interest in sex etc etc. I’m trying to lose weight and get fitter in order to feel better but even that slips because I can’t dredge up the enthusiasm. The only thing that gives me any pleasure is food, as it always has, hence the need to lose weight (about 4 stone). Also I don’t like my new image. Reduced boobs look odd on me and won’t improve with losing weight.
Sorry to rant on and on… 
I have been thinking that maybe I have mild depression. But it has also occurred to me that it all started by the C word and I wonder if I didn’t deal with it. I would be interested to hear views/experiences of others on this subject. I feel that I should be happy as I got the all clear a year later so I am in a much better position than many on this forum. Would anyone recommend anti depressants? I’m reluctant to go down that road but not sure how else to get over this alone
Thanks for reading
Jasminflower